The truth is just too much to bear
Cause the truth is that I really do care
And words I have uttered somewhere in the past
Were said in the stillness so that they last
But all of the fear and the consternation
Has me losing a kind of elation
And all of the tries done out in hope
Doesn’t help me one bit when I try to cope
And I can’t write happiness I can only write pain
It’s like asking the clouds to write other than rain
It’s like asking the sky to write other than blue
And it’s like asking love to write other than you

Where did you go to leave me so alone
I don’t even have a place to call home
You left a note on my desk to tell me you’d gone
You didn’t stick around to say so long
And am I just pining for what never was
And what’s gone is gone and its gone because
There was never enough room in my heart to say
I don’t want you to go, I want you to stay

The man is a mystery 
You can sew him together from ropes of twine
But you'll never replicate
That tapestry fine
And I thought he was for me
So I tried to recreate 
The moment that we met
That all too perfect state 
But it was a poor comparison 
To what lay before me here 
And I could never live to stifle 
Your voice, now could I dear 
So I let you speak out 
Though your words are crushing my dreams
I let you tell me your truth 
Though I am holding back mid scream 
Cause I never was to you 
The world you are to me 
And if that's the price for knowing you 
Then that's just the way it will be


Photo credit http://pollypwnz.deviantart.com/art/Goku-336092033

It was just a moment
Nothing to write home about
But it held forever 
In a thumbprint
As you pressed your hand against mine
And held it there for an eon
Til it seemed 
We both were bound
Eternally
In that moment

Time passes
And runs like a river through us 
Taking things with it
Along its path down the Amazon
But there are some things it cannot take
There is an ocean of wealth it can never move
No matter how hard it tries
There is forever
Beneath the facade of the time bound

And then the water raged in
In through the door
Consuming all in its path
It made short work of furniture and chairs
Swam around tables and stairs
And she just stood there
Aghast in the silence
Praying for an end to the storm
But no words came
Only a soft entreaty
For a better day
A day to renew
To make it all better
And the clouds split
And the sun shone the sky down
Down onto the ground
Reflecting itself back up
In the oceans beneath it

Then the latch catches
And it all is undone 
Her hair falls from the clasp 
And her song is sung 
The wind blows its way 
In through the door 
Tearing apart 
When she wanted more

When you talk and smile I know you're free
And couldn't be captured by someone like me 
I'm at a loss because there's nothing to do 
No way to be me to make you more true
Like stars in the sky I'm speechless and small 
No footing to fall back on at all 
Caging you would break my own palms
As you move like the dust and rise up in psalms 
My greed and disgrace hover mid air 
Helpless to hold as they move in my stare 
Lock on target, bullseye on the wheel 
What a way to live, beg bread and steal
Again I am moved by the weight of your face 
And I fall back and out from the rabbit I chase
How to be seen in eyes that can look?
I feel to bow down, my knee in the soot
Unworthiness feels like a vapourous dance
But your eyes are so honest and I am entranced 
I move like the wind some days of my life 
And I feel in this home we both are alright
I can no more hurt you than a raindrop the sea
There a power deep within that rises in me

I know as sure as the light of day 
That I am for you on my way 
As sure as the stars shine from the sky 
I was made to meet your eye
The way the sea is for the shore 
I'm for you and so much more 
As the land comes bursting forth 
With craggy hillsides greening dirt 
Bequeaths an ancient promise told 
Your heart was made for me to hold
Your soul was made for me to shine 
Where ruby gemstones intertwine 
And lay you down once more again
Rest where you can call me friend 
Whereupon the daydream first began 
As fingers itched to hold your hand 
And I bowed low to see you there
Wind whispered secrets through your hair 
And left me open undecided
Uncertainty has not abided 
Life calls me to be beautified
So from you I no longer hide 
But sentinel to stand on guard 
Watch over you when times get hard 
The earth has claimed me for its own 
Be still for you, unmoving stone 
Though rushing waters crowd the deep 
This love between us does not sweep

How a giant like me
Could be felled like a tree
By an axe so calm 
In a tree cutter's palm

Walking the road are bramble and bees 
Enough haze in the air to make a man sneeze
There's nothing to do and nothing to see
Except all of this wondrous unfolding around me 

I talk to the earth, its skin moves my bones 
And all of these pebbles are perfectly stones 
The sky blows the wind and fluffy and white 
Are all of the clouds that rained down last night 

I look at my shoes 
And how could I lose 
To be traveled and lean 
At a showstopping stream 

The greens are all vivid and paint me unique
The sky rebel blue like my unperturbed streak 
The path dusty yellow melds into the fold 
And a sea far away is sprinkled with gold 

How can it play out and be landscaped alive 
Hakuna Matata feeling my spirit thrive
As I forsake all to live in this place 
A waterfall fall with a smile on my face 

A giant like me 
Has been felled like a tree 
By an axe so calm 
In the tree cutter's palm

Could these words of mine console a broken heart 
Could they console a dying soul whose been broken from the start 
If just to say you're not alone, that I have been there too 
That is what I hope to God that these words will do 
But even more than understanding is to show a way out 
And in these days, newfangled ways, the light is what its all about 
And there is a place, a beach if you must know 
Where danger doesn't trespass, where terror doesn't go 
And it is there inside, deep within all of us 
If you just let love be and have a little trust 
The darkness isn't darkness, it is just the unknown 
And failing isn't failing, its just seeds that haven't grown
And you are far more precious than you could ever understand 
I know it in the moment I touch you with my hand
That we are all of us human, that evil isn't real 
And when badness comes to call its only what you feel 
So look a little closer and you'll see that you are strong 
You were put here for a reason, not to suffer on 
And even though there's pain, that is not the end 
The universe is kind, and it is your friend 
And no one's left behind, everyone's picked up 
In the simple love that is sent from above 
It is God's own doing, you don't get left behind 
And all that's troubling you is the torture of your mind 
But you are much more vast, much deeper don't you know 
You're the one who is aware of all the places you can go 
You are the space in which this whole world can play
And its not by your doing that things turn out this way
So know that you are perfect and I am perfect too 
And there is only One of us instead of two 
I don't know how to be free all I know is I'm unbound
I just get lost in knotted twine giving me the runaround
And if my words are harsh, then they're meant for your core 
Cause all that I can say in truth is I couldn't love you more

See, loving you is like holding my breath 
Cause you're the one thing I cannot forget 
And dare I may say it I'll never regret 
One moment of time I placed on the bet
Even if it'll never come true 
Even if all I have is a memory of you 
Even if it'll never come to pass
The moment of us is everlast

It feels like a rebellion just to be true
I can't accept the things I can't do 
I can't accept the lines as they trace my frame 
I am not simply the words of my name 

It feels like a rock which is stopping the tide 
As the water pushes forward but it can't hide 
The strength of the stone embedded in the deep 
Thousands of years its place at the keep 

I feel like the flow is all at my back 
And is trying to push me forward 
Will I let go and finally fall 
Or am I too much of a coward 
Does it really take much to be human at all 
Or am I just losing this fight 
I don't think its this hard to fill out a card
To say it all is alright 

Now the water is deep and the water is wild 
And its been a while since I've been a child 
Can I really tell the colour from grey 
Or is it all blended blurred in such a way
I want to be weak and I want to be strong 
I want to feel like there's nothing wrong 
But something stirs deep inside to wake
And it isn't for my own sake 

So you say life's a dream and it always has been 
Should I just take your word 
I'd have to agree as to all it could be 
But that's the most truthful that I've ever heard
Now I love someone but its not to be done 
And I think my heart just might break 
And still deep inside something stirs in my eyes 
Calling me to wake

I have to face the music 
I have to face the Truth 
I have to face the calling 
That's been calling since my youth 
I have to face the crime 
As it has been done 
And realise in darkness
That everything is One 
That all but is the essence 
That is everywhere
And it not mandatory
That people should care 
It is its own reward 
It is its own price
And it is the Spirit calling
It doesn't have to be nice

I could stay in a cave my entire life 
Staring at the ceiling 
Illuminated by the light coming through the gap 
And still I would be no closer 
To the Truth 
Because the Truth is not something you can come close to
It is who you are 
It is ever there 
And now the time has come for me to go out into the world 
Its been calling me for years 
And I have been too scared to answer 
But it must be shared 
A gift is not meant to be kept under a rock 
Jealously, lest anyone steal it 
This kind of gift only expands 
When you share it with others 
Or rather it does not diminish 
But encapsulates all that it touches 
It is like the Midas touch 
All turns to gold

I am what you're looking for 
I was waiting to be found 
When you saw me on that path 
Grace was all around 
And you moved like the earth 
All subtle and storm
Like the weight of the world 
Coming through in the form 
And yes you were right to believe 
That love is who I am 
And everything I'm meant to be
Is the place where I stand 
So if you were looking for a sign
Consider this the one 
The race has been ran 
And the song has been sung

Why do you have to climb any ladder
Why can't you just be where you are 
The distance to your own sweet Self 
Could not be that far 
It is closer than close 
Close as a concept creates 
And your Truth is not to be found 
In any of the fluctuating states
So don't take a step either backward or forward
Just find the strength to stand still 
And all will be revealed like a secret unsealed 
Done at the hand of God's will 

My eyes are still trained on the sky 
Looking for word of you 
That is your manner of travel 
So there's nothing else to do 
You race along over fields and plains 
And I wait here on the ground 
Then you come to me in a moment 
In the absence of sound 
And I hardly know you 
But I've never seen 
A brilliancy beauty 
Like you in a dream 
And all of the untoward comes to knock at my door
And the hardship of loss and of grief 
But still in all this quiet noise 
You are beyond belief

You came to me like a white salve oil 
Like a heal all to cure every ill 
In your sights there was no judgement 
Nothing rained down upon my head 
Except pure love
Pure unfiltered love 
And the moment you stepped from my sphere 
I could feel it all come back again 
All the worry, all the tension 
All of the things I was running from 
It brought them into the sharp light of day
And made them clearer now
Now that I knew freedom was possible 
Possible to be lived, not just realised 

No explanations do justice to you 
No words can define what you mean to me 
You are beyond the reach of language 
And yet all the letters I write 
All the volumes I contribute 
To the annals of history 
Are all to pay tribute to you 
And what you saw in me 
That day

It was a long, long road 
With no end 
And all you need to realise 
Is that you are not the road 
Nor the one travelling it 
You are that which is aware 
Of the road and the travelling itself 
You are the one
Who sees the picture 
Whether good or bad 
Light or dark 
We are One

The emptiness fills up my room
A hollow no words or space can consume
I wait on the edge as it moves to my side
Nowhere to go and nowhere to hide
I think of my future and its a monstrous black hole
My past is like tar, the same shade as coal
My present, right now, is just standing still
Not pushed by time as its folding my will
I can’t play games or run races real fast
No enthusiasm lifts, the joy doesn’t last
Yet I’m dancing jigs in circles on the floor
Talking to people or holding a door
The small things in life are taking their toll
Showing a school where I want to enrol
I can’t understand the path that it weaves
Except it’s my home and it never leaves
So I’m broken and bent to multiplicitious shapes
As God builds an army of blue suits and red capes
I see it in their faces as they smile on their way
How light hits their eyes and emblazons the day 

And I worry each night that I might be alone
The only one drifting as I’m sunk like a stone
But it doesn’t seem real or possible to be
That everyone else isn’t just like me
The fear in their faces as they look out in loss
And I know in an instant we all pay the cost
When God lights a fire he blazes it strong
No way I could be the only one wrong
Especially him when I think of his way
He’s cut loose and freedom that sees me today
I want to cry out for some guidance from him
But he’s terrified too as he hides with his grin

Punch down posideans opening up at our knees
We buckle and break like wisps on the breeze
Fall into this place where all is so calm
Resting our hearts in the Lord’s open palm
Other days too he rises up like a knife
I’m cut into pieces and fear for my life
As he stalks and stares and everything’s seen
Beautiful boy punctures holes in my dream
Like the sky storm at night that moves like the sea
The fabric of somewhere that eats up at me
And I know I am safe though I tremble and shake
Bow down to him and just let him take
I wonder aloud what this could possibly be
Know in my soul, its God’s plan for me
I want to go together if we are to begin
His hand in mine, soft skin on skin
Draw down the acid, the venom’s sucked out
As we both come to learn what we’re really about

Am I just academic 
Is that what I am to you 
Am I just a theory 
That will never come true 
Am I just a game 
That we love to play 
But when it comes down to it
Its not going away

I was so bitter and so undecided 
I'm better than that now 
Or is that just arrogance 
I haven't learned to allow 
I look at all the hurt 
And I see a damaged girl 
In the centre of it all 
In a heavenly swirl 
I see me lashing out 
In words and treble tones 
Looking for absolution 
In a world of groans 
But you can't find it here
My sweet petalled child 
You'll never find through war 
What is free and wild 
You'll never find through hurt 
The place that you can't touch 
And it is not a weakness 
To love someone that much 

You seem to emanate an unearthly kind of beauty 
That is beyond description 
It has the flavour of unconditional love 
And the colour white
The years pass by in a blink of the eye
And yet nothing changes
That eternal essence is still the same
And our bodies may age 
But we never will 
For we are the ageless 
Encased in a temporary form 
And all it takes is just that realisation 
And we are free

I love you for the truth you make me see 
And all my lies fall away 
In your presence
And I feel something akin to peace 
Or maybe it is peace itself 
Come to make known to me a place of rest 
I love who I am with you 
You bring out all of the colours inside of me 
And I see more vividly because of you 
But you are not for me 
Or so you say 
You are a passing gift 
That will stay forever 
Inside of my heart

I understand her and that's the point of the matter 
Despite our coming and going and the storms that batter 
I can feel her inside of my heart and my soul 
There's a place in us both that'll never grow old 
And though we may fight in the ethereal plain 
None of its real and its all in vain 
The closest I've known, she's a soulmate and friend 
And the oceans of us are letters to send  
So we're young and we're old, we're new and we're not 
We're always together no matter the shot

What good is a life if its not lived for truth 
What good is power, money or youth
It all lies in your willingness to be 
Lived for the Lord uncompromisingly 
And all the diversions that do distract
Are left to a script that you'll never enact 
And all of the suffering and the pain that ties 
Are undone by the power of that which never dies 
So take up your cross and follow the path 
Once you set forward you can never go back 
Nor would you want to ever give up 
That which you've found, the heavenly love
So let go and let be and let justice be done 
In all of this drama there is only One

Hesitation mars my actions
As I wonder is it okay
To do this or to do that
My barometer is gone 
And I can no longer tell 
What is relatively good
Or relatively bad 
All I know is the absolute 
And this imperious desire 
To share myself with the world
For better or worse

Its like a time capsule 
Looking at these words I've written on a page
Frozen moments in time 
I want to preserve 
And I wonder 
Would they be of any interest
Or of any good 
To anyone else 

I used to think love was measured in tears
In how much you cared when they were gone
But I was wrong
Love is immeasurable
And cannot be confined
By any man made tools
It is bound to the infinite
And forever is on its breath
There is nothing you can do
Not to feel it
Because your own life,
Your very life,
Is an expression of it
Love abounds
It is plentiful and free
And costs nothing
Nor does it diminish
By being shared
But grows exponentially
And yet is beyond even growth itself
Love is
That is all

Photo Credit: http://adamscythe.deviantart.com/art/Always-587228628

You're on a pedestal selling me this
But to tell you the truth I can't buy it
Dismals and hatreds and have to do thats 
While there's rivers of gold rising up at our backs
And put down pullovers designed to entrance
And force down decisions, give lie to the dance
This family you're raising, this world of your own 
You're peddling them hearts that are built out of stone
But this is our place and here we will grow 
Resurface the Earth and let freedom flow
And the devils and demons you've raised from their graves 
Will face us and fall, we're not to be slaves
Childlike holders of this place that we have 
To live it and love it and walk down its path 
Our footsteps just like the stones on the ground 
Whole with the fullness of the life that abounds
A pinprick that narrows right down to a point 
We are the world, that's how we're joined.

"It does not matter"
That is what she said 
And I'm trying to figure out
Does it matter to me 
Cause I really don't think it does 
All of your past, all of your history, your life
Is just that, 
A story 
And is nothing compared to the magnificent presence 
Of you 
Standing here 
Before me

You run from me so fast
Its almost like a game
I would call you back 
But I never knew your name 
And you tell me all these stories 
Of prose and lies and truth 
You are the definition 
Of a misspent youth 
And why do I decide 
Not to walk your way 
Cause having me on a string 
Is just not okay 
And all the weather closes
Back in on us two 
All I have to say 
Is forever I'll love you

Photo Credit: http://adamscythe.deviantart.com/art/Leaving-With-Grace-577385286

The days these days 
Seem to roll into the night
In a torrent of storm and rain 
There is so much beauty in the water
As it falls from the sky
But it brings devastation with it too
As lands are covered 
In a blanket of it 
Heavy and thick
And impossibly strong 
Who knows when it will abate

I forgot to remember it won't always be this way
And the darkness is just light that hasn't learned to stay
I forgot that there's a time when my home is otherwise
As a wealth of warmth and wisdom dawn upon my lies
I forgot to be lain down is the path I'm walking now
Worry fills my veins as the poison spreads throughout 
I forgot returned to sender is the way it turns around 
As meaning fills my soul and leaves me with no doubt
I sense a puddle here and a chasm calling there 
As I'm pulled to my destiny by firelight and flair 
It opens like the sea and a horizon calls my name 
To bring me to the place of change where I can feel the flame 
It has taken me so long to give my heart the lead
Fear and imperfections lie underfoot my steed
I forgot that this will end and something's to be seen 
To understand my words and revolutionise my dream

I miss you, can't you hear me sing 
I would give you everything 
You're far away and I can't see 
How you could be nothing to me 
I want to patch up all your wounds 
The worst of heaven slowly looms
Over my head like a world of weight 
What happened to all the hate

Here it goes, and here I come
I've warred with the world and I am done
Its all dogmas, its all lines
Not bursting free, all undefined
I wasted time waiting for just right
But no mentor comes, and no white knight
I won't walk beneath days of steel 
Bow my head and be made to kneel 

Today I walk, I walk away
Whatever holds me let it fray
To unleash myself upon the sky
Be myself and let me fly 
A passion burns to sing aloud
A heartbeat thuds to wake the crowd
I am dying to unfurl my power
To seep it in and feel me tower 

So to the blue with my words and voice
It is now and I have a choice
I am more than what they make of me 
Its time to soar and let them see 
Out of hiding with my fire inside 
It is golden and vastness deep and wide 
So take a guitar and pour out my song
Take a pen and right the wrong 

But intentions don't talk, actions do 
Have the strength, live what is true

I've never been so sure and I've never been so scared
I'm learning to trust in something where I'm totally unprepared
I know you're just a picture and a memory in my head
Its just you light my heart up with your fiery soul thread
I see you in my sleep when I lay me down to rest
And although you are long gone, somehow you never left
I think of all the times when I thought of you before
Just there to hug me softly when I never needed it more
And now my legs are strong as I stand from my wheelchair
I stumble and I fall but am picked up by everywhere
I can see your door as a lump rises in my throat
Fear and fascination leave me linger at your moat
I tapped a little knock and you let the drawbridge down 
Do I walk across it now or do I run back into town? 
I'm testing out the water, gauging boards of strength
But the time will come when faith walks across its length
Putting my life in your hands and hoping I don't drown
But you're worth whatever I risk even if all of me goes down

I want to find the Truth
Though I know it can't be found
Through seeking
It is not an object
That I can attain

I want to come into the pure bliss of Being
That is my desire 
I want to run in fields of gold 
Until all my wanting is gone 
And only beauty remains

Our secret conversations paint the dead of night
Whether silent moon bound talks or songs whispering twilight
I can hear your soul whether you’re near or far away
In the quiet of the dark or calm moments of the day
I can almost hear your heartbeat and hope that you hear mine
It seems you do, like all else, somehow they intertwine
You are a mystery to me and a bundle of joy
I can’t believe how in this life this girl met such a boy

You illuminate the pavements as they’re dancing with the stars
I see your face in rainbows as they break down all my bars
One touch to me and I am changed like elements colliding
Somehow what has come over me unwavering, abiding
Washes me like a wave and sweeps along my shore
Til I fall into your arms, I can’t resist it anymore
I don’t know how to be stone strong when I’m looking in your eyes
Can’t hold up in your sight as you strip away my lies
Fall into a hug, you catch me like a pillow
Curl around me, one and two, til I’m swaying like a willow

Whatever I could be for you would be my heart’s delight
As I sing out a melody that’s born from firelight
My hands, it seems, were made to hold and help you if I can
Tears wipe away the rivers as you tell me all your plans
I know I am an ocean and stretch out like the sea
It’s just that you’re the sky and reflect yourself in me
I know we’re uncontained, no borders hold us in
It’s just to love you as I am is freedom to my skin

I love you
These are the words I cannot bear to keep back 
They have been held within me for too long 
And I have longed to say them aloud and real 
Though I have pretended, many times, 
That they were untrue 
That I was indifferent
Its very easy not to commit yourself to someone
You just look away
And I am tired of that now
Tired of seeing faces staring back at me
Aghast

I want to hear you speak 
To speak to me 
I want to write words 
Words that you will hear
I want to be truthful 
And open 
And free
I want people to love me 
And feel at one with me 
That is not a tall order at all 
I want to be a unifying force
Not a divisive one 
I am willing to stand alone 
If that is the way it must be 
I am willing to stand free and unprotected 
In this vast place 
I want only to be true

I tremble with fear 
When I've said a new word
How will it be received 
Its likes have not been uttered
For millenia 
And never in this company
Never have I seen such a tale 
Am I to be executed 
For my crimes 
Against humanity
For daring to be different 
Or true
Will they turn on me 
And say all eyes ablaze 
That I do not deserve 
The paper it is written on 
Or will it resonate
And ring true 
For those 
Who hear it 

I am standing all alone 
In this wilderness
I am a voice who cries aloud
Hear me
It is too long to keep this all inside 
To long to bear the burden of such beauty 
Unshared