While you were headbanging I was at the swell season
Contemplating a love beyond reason
And your war became my oxygen
As I struggled not to see it again
But every time I look it is there
Love doesn't know how not to care
So ask the tap to turn itself off
I am the beauty you are afraid of
Conspiracy theory Do the people fear me Just because I spilt the milk All over the finest silk And they locked me up For want of love And I tried to elucidate But they just put it down to fate And that I must be here Ambiguous as was the fear As that guy who admitted me He said here's the place you're meant to be And I gotta say I spun the dial And I must have walked a mile Up and down the hall Facing the bouncing ball That seemed to hop between the frames And I go by many names Coz I contain multitudes And I have loved several dudes In the guise of the One Always seeing the only Son Of the Lord that rules And I break the ones I learned in schools Coz I could never quite find myself quiet When I internally riot Against the shirt and tie And the fact that people die When you're not really looking there And what do you do with all of your care But cry or hold it in Suppress the wilderness within That has you seeing the open expanse Where the souls go to dance When they exit this scene I wonder if it's just a dream To think that when we leave There could be something in which to believe Coz I was told the story But parts of it simply bore me And other parts terrify But the one called by the Word doesn't lie And it's made real in the way that he walks He doesn't need to pretend when he talks Coz he's the living, breathing Reality And when I let it go he found me Right there on the floor He's the man that I adore And he was there all along Footprints in the sand and I belong On the beach once more Just another fallaway floor To face with stern forgiving And is to float just living Coz I feel the open air Blowing back my long hair As I learn to trust the breeze And be okay when people leave This earthly plane But I wouldn't do it again
I know it’s unseemly
As I dreamily
Write your name next to mine
As if it would be fine
Just to intrude on your space
And leave a toothbrush at your place
And I’ve lost the appetite for game
But I love you all the same
If you’d let me near
Coz, darling, I hold you dear
Like I said on the phone
Though maybe I’m better off alone
In my cavern of perfect pictures
Lines I draw and the strictures
All bend for you
Like an architect that gives gravity its due
It’s all down to the magnetism of you
As you bend metal like rope
And you change me like hope
In something I can’t describe
And I hope you’re still alive
Coz I haven’t checked in in so long
And I’ve learned that the flesh doesn’t last long
Bodies come and bodies go
But eternity shines through the show
Into this dimension as light
And I could see you illuminate the night
With your perfect stare
You say I don’t care
But that’s not true
I am heart and soul in you
Beating to the same refrain
That slowly dismantles the pain
Til the bricks and mortar that made it up
Dissolves into absolute love
There is no baddie in this equation
Just another iteration
Of life seeking solace in its source
My love, my dear, you are my chosen course
I crashed into my thirties
Got tired of the winks and the flirty flirties
And I’m still in love with John Mayer
And I dunno if he’s a player
But there is an imperishable draw
To the way he makes my ice thaw
With how he picks his guitar
And maybe he called me a star
Or maybe it was psychosis spinning
I hope I’m not “bi-winning”
Coz the storm came and ate me
And I dared people to date me
The sledgehammer played its role
But it can’t smash my soul
There is something beyond the realm of karma
And I really don’t want to arm ya
With weapons of ill repute
So I just call you a flute
And continue to sing a tune
From the halls of my room
That I have in my parents house
The queen of kings or a grand mouse
That runs amok everywhere you are
Would you wanna drive in my car?
Your eyes are like the ark
The creatures enter two feet apart
And I make sure to keep away from you
Because I think you don’t love me too
But maybe you do
And I’m out on a limb, I guess, it’s true
And we fought and we shouted and I hit you back
But you’ll always be my favorite almanac
And I’m still knocking on your door
You answer me and ask for more
And we kiss on the step
Because she doesn’t know yet
But you’re gonna tell her or I will
I’m not waiting forever until
We can make it two by two
And you’ve got a different look, do you
Still feel the same
And I always hide your name
Coz I don’t want to lay the blame
For what we were
Or give you an excuse to fight with her
But it’ll be okay
Coz at the end of the day
The love will keep everything okay
And somehow in the midnight I excuse myself
For playing cards that have already been dealt
And one is mine and I fold
I don’t abscond the way you bold
We’re all interconnected
It’s metta here
And will anyone know
How I hold them dear
Coz I think back
Over days in Dublin
Caroline and that girl
That was troubling
But can I wish her well
Though she made life hell
Slamming the door of the press
Who does she think she address
With an anger that just escapes
From her form and I see shapes
Making themselves crystal clear
The demented and it came near
Close enough to see a ghost
In place of a man I love the most
And back then he was just a boy
And I a girl and power ploy
Laughing into the storm or rain
Asking Sam to play it again
As we dance at Oxegen
Now I’m all eyes for Fin
And you told a tale of fear and woe
But I said I’ve got to go
Coz you wanna wife with child
And I’ve long hair and am wild
Running with the wolves like Belle
But you know I gotta tell
You were an incredible sort of awesome
I’m running this creek like a wee gosoon
And it’s been twenty years or so
She lets me know I’ve gotta let go
Coz she’s so rooted in the earth
And I can’t pretend it didn’t hurt
When she turned her face away
And there’s nothing I can really say
Except I’m crying in the bathroom, wipe the streaks away
And we’re both freaks so what is there to say
Except that you roll with the punch
And sit alone at lunch
Only for Ruth and Christine
To come over coz they have seen
Me adjacent at the fold
And I am young but, man, I’m old
And pretty soon I’ll be trickling down
Like a stream onto solid ground
Beside the waterfall of you
I love it, red and blue
I can feel you
Hairs breadth close
And I’ve fought to find
Love and God knows
That’s not the way
It’s not just what you say
It’s what you are
And I drive a nifty car
But it can’t drive me to the stars
I never meant to break your heart
As I stumble into your arms
I dream of us growing old on farms
With our children around us like the bough of a tree
Covered in leaves of dignity
As we flourish and hold the space
Of all we thought to create
With our love
It fits like a glove
And telepathy
Is someone just talking to me
Like a radio wave chime
Signaling the intro to a new time
I run from the feds There's something about wilderness And the skin that it sheds And I can't deny The impenetrable draw Of a long ago love The kind they outlaw As you sneak a glance In my direction There's something about trust And its defection From the old regime They can't control The way that I dream And I'm just spinning thread From the spools in my head It's nothing too dark (Although there is some dread) In the machinations We grow from It arose in a moment And then it was gone
It’s all too easy to go back to you
You sing the thing with a rhythm and blue
And you shine like Cassiopeia in the night sky
You engender love even when you don’t try
And I would never want to see you suffer
I’m sure you really did love her
It’s just you played the tune for me as well
Walked with me when I couldn’t tell
Which way was up and which way was down
In the years I lived in that big old town
And tried to find clarity in each refrain
I found you like relief from the pain
I loved you and you walked away
But, hey baby, I’ve got something left to say
And do I spell it out like vertigo
I’ll paint a picture so you will know
And you may be far away
But I wake with you every day
As the sun kisses my forehead and just shines
And I think of you ten thousand times
In a single hour
And, my God, the power
Of all that you mean to me
I pray that you see
But even if you don’t
I won’t
Give up, ever true
Here is my love for you
I can’t escape the panther that stalks my steps
Living in the land of no regrets
And he chases me down
Marveling in a beautiful gown
At all I’m wont to wear
But I feel a little tear
In the fabric come undone
And he’s like the night to my sun
As he sings of things he knows not of
Causing confusion and calling it love
As his longing brings him to the brink
Like I was starling being urged to think
Then suddenly fallen from the sky
I wake up after I die
In a land I didn’t choose
It’s like walking in a new pair of shoes
Is it too much to wish
Is it too much to hope for
That I could bang
On a closed door
Coz I know you’re in there
And I chase you down
You’re staying in your place
Just outside of town
And I want you
For my very own
Tell me for real
That you’re not on loan
From the days of tomorrow
I’m not one to borrow
But if you’re there
I’ll wipe away sorrow
From the cheeks of your face
That you’ve cried in the past
My love isn’t temporary
It’s made to last
And my heart is calling
Out to your hand
We can dance
It will be grand
As you get up
Off of the floor
In all of the years
I just love you more
It seems I’ve gone this long without understanding her
There are oak trees and Douglas fir
Growing up between the spaces that we left
I look at her and it’s all theft
It’s all subterfuge and cavalcade
But, my God, she’ll never age
Only remain the eternal we are
Light years away from the closest star
She writes music that catches in your soul
As if all the waves have to do is roll
And midnight comes before each dawn
So don’t lament what’s gone
Because it will come around again anew
You can’t miss what is destined for you
And I hope that’s true coz he’s all I see
What if he was never meant for me
I wonder and I pause and I flip through the prose
What if he is the one that fate chose
To hold my hand and be the One
I see him like he’s the Son
Of God in garden grass
And I wonder if all I had to do was ask
Would you maybe wanna be my guy
I know I’m quiet and I didn’t try
But do you think you could take a look
And read me like your favorite book
And it’s fine if you don’t know my name
I’m gonna love you all the same
And wish you the wealth of wisdom and heart
I never thought we’d be so long apart
I keep it all on lock
But I can never be what I am not
I click my tongue
I’m impervious and I am young
Til the facade cracks
And I’m all lost in I can’t have you backs
As the days age
And I spill ink upon a page
Or burn a little sage
Oh, to demonstrate what I feel is true
Lost in a dream of me and you
Or us and them
I run the film clip all over again
When I stride through halls
Now I renovate and knock down walls
Do you love me true
Coz I found myself with all of you
And I can let the refrain
Cancel out the years of pain
Why do I hold on
To what is already gone
And deny what’s here
The water in the lake is crystal clear
As it reflects the sky
Why in the world must everything die
Only to be reborn
I was the earth outside of the storm
The solid ground
As the wind twists the air into sound
It reverberates
Like a glacier that equates
Ice with movement, don’t you know
But there are places it can’t go
As it meets the sea
I’m more than what appears of me
Photo by Pietra Schwarzler on Unsplash.com
The cosmic mind Knows what it's doing It points out dreams That are worth pursuing And I'm so lost In the creases and folds But it breaks a sunrise Across the sky it holds And the horizon Is burning red Til I can't remember Where I've been led Out into the warmth Of a new day I'm trusting in it Anyway
What is the impact Of my unemployment Could I more than say I don't know where the ploy went Coz I've up and grown And true colours have shown But I still say I don't know where I'm going Does a river when it's moving Imagine the sea It's like a premature Deciding who to be As an oak grows upwards From a single seed And there are things That we all need From the sky to the sun To the rain in the clouds How many human beings Can say that they're proud Of the life that they're living Of who they are The atoms inside us Were forged within a star So know this once And know it forever You are the beauty The cosmos will treasure Every day of your life In the depths of your soul Don't stop at okay Go ahead and be whole
The pilfering midnight
Steals all I ever am
It takes things
I think no one can
As it comes in smooth
And steady waves
And it’s nobody
That it saves
As they all
Just walk the beat
Never really knowing
Their own feet
Dreaming about the superstar last night
And I really hope that he’s alright
Because he’s been through tough times too
But you know I could sing along to
Your glorious refrain
You make castles out of the pain
And I could be your princess, dear
The water is so crystal clear
And this is not all you’ll ever be
Now when I’m seeing you with me
The peace that passeth understanding
Why build walls when they are demanding
Why build towers and monuments of gold
When all you’re doing is getting old
And seeking to find in outside stone
A refuge and a place called home
When all fades and passes and ebbs away
You must know in your heart what cannot stay
So don’t devote your life to building sand
Or do but know the sea washes the land
And brings back to base, brings to renew
The dreams that we make of me and you
But there is a fountain, a source complete
And it had me bowing at the feet
Of the one that could show me the way
That after night there follows day
And everything is in the cyclical realm
If you are the captain, then who’s at the helm
Of the ship that you’ve been steering
And the way I walk is so endearing
That I must, come what may
Give up my endeavours, just put them away
And concede to be nothing, naught at all
Like the water over a waterfall
Coming down pummelling into the pool
I’m always reminiscing on my days in school
But they are long gone and forever away
And one sure thing about time is that it cannot stay
That experience is bound to disentangle
So don’t get caught up in the mess at an angle
Just live and learn and be and love
And know the messengers from above
Who hold your hands and walk with you
You’re not a body so what could you do
But be the vehicle of the divine
I’m not saying I love you, I’m saying love is mine
And yours and his and hers and ours
Use the faculty of the soul and its powers
To discern what’s true and real
Don’t let life just be a steal
But render the Truth as rugged and pure
As the questions you answer that you know for sure
That you know to be real and honest and right
Don’t settle for a candle when you are the light
Don’t settle for a word when you are the saying
Love always is the source of my praying
Photo by Collins Lesulie on Unsplash
Ok, I’ll sail a new ship to the sky
I’m in the water and I don’t know why
Moved by a force I don’t understand
And somehow all of this has been planned
And it’s holding my hand and pointing the way
I’d love to go but I cannot stay
Only be the fortress deep and true
Know who I am when I’m talking to you
When I say the words that are promised of Christ
It may be good but it’s more than nice
And renews all the villages standing on Earth
Relieves the problems and eases the hurts
The cacophony resounds in my bedroom
It plays to the sound of doom
And I try to run but I can’t get up from the bed
Til I peel myself away from it instead
As the many fangled locket dangles from the sky
Painting a different view, I don’t know why
As I try to overcome my flaws
I be the heat til the icicles thaws
But I’ve been so long in this state
I’m not sure that it would be great
To leave it all behind
The maya mind
And all it bequeaths
But I hear the call to kneel at the Guru’s feet
And you could call it many things
You could call it inside
It knows my name
And I’m terrified
To be the one to take the step
I don’t think I’m ready yet
But I’m pulled like a thread
Through the needle eye
I gave it up
And I don’t know why
Photo by Patrick Carr on Unsplash
We’re only passing through
We’re a whisper on a page
We are the bodies that we grow
And then again to age
We’re the midnight in the summer
When the moon is shining high
We’re the truth between the lines
On the paper where we lie
We’re the justice and the mercy
The all bequeathing love
We’re the hand that writes the heavens
In stars far above
We’re the darkness and the light
The fire we ignite
But among the chaos
I know we will be alright
Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash
Dancing to a rhythm
That no one can see
There is music playing
But is it just me
Who can hear the call
Of the Divine
And endless reservoir
Of fine
And a diamond mine
In the grass
All you ever have to do
Is ask
The ogre
Eats me up again
He knocks on my door
And sends me into a spin
Like a washing machine
Or the depths of a dream
I roll
In endless currents of my soul
And dive deeper into the ocean again
I was free once, and I will be when
And I remember now
Under all the fray
That I am endlessly
Okay
And fine
I hopscotch to
This rhythm of mine
The feeling of panic
Knarls in my stomach
Maybe this is too much to be
Maybe there’s so much yet to see
But the aching roars
And the spirit soars
To become an avalanche
Of my own making
And I count every one
Of the breaths I’m taking
In case I misplace one
Amidst the snow
The winter has gone on
For so long, you know
The NF party
We can all join in
And it’s not limited
To us and them
It is what
We’ve always been
It may just be
That we haven’t seen
And if life
Is just a dream
Then who is the one
In the stream
To feel the water
Rush by
And I
Don’t have to try
I just live
And I breathe
Giving love
Just what it needs
The winter, it weathers
The brush and the grass
And I wonder about
That which will ever last
And you could call it God
You could call it Christ
It transcends death
It is Eternal Life
It goes beyond time
It goes beyond space
It is the Peace
That will never cease
It is the Love
To always abide
It is the Freedom
You don’t have to hide
Don’t have to cover
With shields and holds
It is the Wisdom
Inside our souls
It is the breath
It is the breathing
It is with me
And it isn’t leaving
Photo by Katarzyna Kos on Unsplash
The love, it abides
The music, it sings
Into worlds
Of everythings
To pierce
Your darkest night
Don’t you know
It’ll be alright
Because every hair
On your head is counted
And the emptiness
Is a hidden mountain
Of stability
That just remains
Regardless of
Time and pain
Regardless of
Lost ways
It’s all around
That’s what it says
Photo by Anton Darius on Unsplash
Peace is alive
It’s vibrating sound
It’s in the room
And it’s all around
It is the space
Within the form
It is the heat
That keeps us warm
That keeps us safe
Held in its hands
The permanent
Among the sands
Of time
That just change and wave
It is the Lord
And He will save
All of us
Come what may
There’s nothing that
You have to say
The Lord, He calls me
Into who I’m meant to be
Onto the road I’m meant to walk
I don’t want this to be all talk
But the evidence of Truth
To be alive, to be the proof
Of the goodness that knows no bounds
The silence within all the sounds
The love that is all abiding
It’s time to come out of hiding
Photo by Benita Anand on Unsplash
The Lord knows how to walk my shoes
And I know how to pay my dues
As he directs my glance
There’s no need for a second chance
As he makes my spirit dance
And a new way
To make headway against the tide
A way to live my life alive
A way to communicate to all Beings
The power of our shared seeings
The power of Grace to renew
And it is living in you
The light it struck me in the dark
And I had to give up playing the part
Of the hard done by fool
It happened one day in school
Where the Divine called my name
Pulled me away from all blame
Unto a new dawn
And all the pain was gone
All the suffering that could ever be
Is just an illusion that you seem to see
But we are free as a bird
From the story we never heard
If you love something, you let it go
That’s what I’m doing here, you know
As I let go of my grip on the infinite
I think I just might be alright
And concede to life that death is king
He will take everything
Every stone and every blade of grass
And doesn’t ever think to ask
But there’s something even time can’t steal
It’s in the domain of the real
It’s pure and it’s refined
And far beyond the old mind
That would tell you this is that
And have you running like an alley cat
Up walls and over bins
Years lost in the din
Yet something finds me in the Now
I don’t know quite how
But it pulls me up by my boots
And still I grow deeper roots
To fulfill my nourishment
I need no encouragement
To be the light that I am
I move in waves without a plan
Image Credit: eberhard grossgasteiger at Unsplash.com
The mystery of being
I can never know
Who it is that I am
And where I should go
So I walk on the stones
Laid in the water
To get across
Coz the other side caught her
And it’s got that feel
That loves to move
And there’s nothing there
That I can improve
And I can be certain
In the Great Unknown
I love the shore
And it’s where I am goin’
Where riverbeds
Meet ancient eyes
And I wheel away
My disguise
The one that keeps me
Safe and warm
But it is useless
In a storm
As the wind batters the coast
I’m in a cabin making toast
And the fire it roars
As my spirit soars
To hear the rain
Against the window pane
Knocking like some inane
Visitor from the plain
And will you
Ever visit this place again
It’s been so long
And I don’t know when
I’ll ever get to say your name
Coz, love, it isn’t the same
Were we just
Silhouettes in the starlight
As you console me
It’ll all be alright
But I know
You can’t reason away things like this
And if forever was only
Our first kiss
Then what is lying
Far down the road
All I can say
Is that it’s all that I knowed
The lights shone from the sky
Bright and in awe and I don’t know why
As the days rolled into weeks
And the weeks into years
And I get by on just hiding my tears
And the best part of me
Doesn’t say a thing
She is just ancient
And a bird on the wing
And if she could
Then she would sing
I loved and so
I gave up everything
Image Credit: Elen Laureano
The sound of Taylor Brewing up a storm The heat could keep The whole world warm As she sings To her own refrain Growing up And out of the pain Into something Afresh and anew I guess that I Believe in you
It's not that easy All this having to let you go I didn't think I'd have to do it, you know I thought we could Go on forever But now every endeavour Speaks of you As you go on with your life And ardent devotion over strife Seems to capture my days And there are so many ways To miss what we had And to regret What turned out bad Could you forgive If I live and let live And consent To being the presence Where heaven went
Is it worth all the time All this losing weight All the giving in And shedding hate Because time has come For our true Self To be revealed As nothing else Than that we've Been searching for Knock and the door Opens from the inside out I'm not the words That come from my mouth
Listening to Snow Patrol Rock the beat And Gary Lightbody Fast on his feet To an uproaring tumult Is this what it means to be adult Still listening to music in my room Then doing yoga via zoom Or on youtube Finding new seas That I traverse Like never be's
I write about no one And nothing agrees I am split level I've got my degrees And if you ask a question Who is to answer Love is the way And life is the dancer To a new song To a new word And it's like the best Sound you've ever heard But this poem's just a tribute It's not the real thing You know it when You give up on this fling That you've been caught in That you've been living And God is peaceful He is forgiving So don't walk away From all you own Just listen to your heart As true colours are shown As light and love Break through and bask All you ever have to do Is ask
Someday I'll be a wife But I woke up in the night To discover it isn't to be And there's this emptiness surrounding me And it moves And it breathes And it gives me What I need As I ache And pilfer dreams They're not really True it seems Image Credit: Samuel Ferrara on Unsplash.com
The weight of worldly wisdom Lies on me And there is something I used to be But the far distant shore Has pulled me in like a tide Now I'm three quarters half alive Learning to breathe in from my roots As this plant grows shoots Up into the open air I could've sworn that he was there Image Credit: Johann Siemens on Unsplash.com
It was like a new dawn The day the sun broke And I'd come apart Inside my own hope Building a home Out of tinder and wood I'd run with the wind But I'm not sure I could Be anything but still In the glen, in the field I gave up the game I gave in to yield And something in the forest Then was revealed It was like smoky chimneys Now the flavour is sealed As I wander pathways That lead through the trees And life is more Than what is believed Than what is restored To ardent love A devotion to Truth That shines from above
It's all I can do not to blame him And Lord, you know, I cannot tame him With my heart all made of fire And his way of raising it higher With the wind as it blows in And did we ever begin Trying to get closer Then further away You know I couldn't say All that I meant to you on the phone You're in the room and I am alone But bring me some water and flowers to dry I said okay with a tear in my eye And you, everlasting you Just smile As you hold my hand We were meant to be It wasn't planned And I laugh At your inanity Remember that time You just ran at me Down silky, silver snowy days And I've been with you in so many ways But still aloft I held your eyes at no cost Though my own benefit Be unharmed I wouldn't settle for any charms But love In twinkly starlit nights And you beside me and alright Oh love, what are we meant to do We're in a dream and I choose you Only to wake With sheets in my hand There's none of this that I had planned
I don't want to monetize you In case you lose your value You're riverbeds and open skies And i would never want to dull you Down into the grey refinity of age Where words upon words just write the page Into existence, then out again I could write about life, then love, then men But you, oh imperturbable you I could never capture you within the walls of this cage And you make the beast inside of me rage Against the machine that is holding it down You're an ocean and in it I drown Only to discover my mermaid nature If not now, can I save you for later?
The day it all dropped down by my side Is the day I truly came alive And there was nothing there Just empty air Nothing with the will to get by And I just basked in the vastness of the sky I wasn't big and I sure wasn't small Only aware of it all And perceiving Something that was Beyond believing And beyond reason in its perfect hue There's nothing there I have to do Only make waves to lap the shore And give in to worship all I adore And once again, once more I let go to open the door
The weather moves in its own way And, Lord knows, it wasn't meant to stay But be free flowing and in motion Like some kind of locomotion And all I can do is just agree Consent to It using me To achieve its own aim This life is free But it's not a game Not cheap to buy Or sell the ticket Neither calm Nor there to trick it But only abiding in one way I love you and that's what it says
The Poetry Book 