Confusion Boughs

The shame eats me 
It's dark inside
And I can't live like this 
For the rest of our lives
I have to be free
To speak my mind
It's not something
I can just leave behind
And love you
I'll leave it
It's not as if 
You'd ever believe it
Even if I told you
Even if I enunciate
But I always just
Get stuck in this state
Where I can't not miss you 
But I can't be 
There for you
Not when you leave me 
Alone at the gate
And I bet you thought 
That I would wait
And I guess you were right
And I guess I'm okay
And I guess that I love you
I don't know what else to say


Is everything 
Cinematic these days
As people walk 
Picture frames in ways
As they walk 
Down the street
It's cute 
That we meet 
On the edge of town
At the end of days 
And it's everything
Everybody says

But what am I 
Supposed to do
When I'm no more
It all to you
And the story tells
Itself to me
It says "hey babe, 
You're free
But I don't feel
That way no more
I walking through
The closed door

But would you answer 
If I shouted out 
Can you read my lips 
Before my mouth
Says something I
Can't take back 
Didn't mean to be
On the attack 
But somehow people
Tell themselves
You can leave it up
On the shelves

For later but 
It's never there
And I know deep down
You did care
But what am I 
Supposed to do
When it is 
No longer you
No longer us
Or what we could be
I love you deeply
So, I set you free 


Everything falls away
I have to let it go
And it's not because
I wanted to, you know
I have to learn 
Just to move with the flow
And the river already
Knows where to go

The North Star

Watching the tide lap the shore
Could I have wished for anything more
Than to be just as I am 
Anyway it's not as if I can 
Be anyone else
There is only the one Self
That we all are
Growing and moving under the North Star


I'm feeling I'm falling
I don't know where to 
And I guess I really
Did say no to you

But that was long ago
And years behind
And you must know 
That I've changed my mind

And I know it's scary to think
That we just met, then apart
But I have to admit
That you commanded my heart

And that daily you play a tune
That is my song to sing
I told you the truth when I said
You are my everything


What's love got to do with it? 
I wonder and pray and ask
I never get an answer though
Is it coz I'm not up to the task

And my whole heart's been given
I don't know if I'll get it back
I just know it's overflowing
And there's nothing there I lack

And the feeling is so crystalline
It could a diamond reflect
A symbol of the Infinite 
In a string around my neck

And could these three sages be
Salvation do you think? 
I just know they're the ocean
And in it I want to sink 

Bird on the Wing

I can feel her warmth
From so far away
It doesn't matter what you do 
It doesn't matter what you say
And yes, I guess
I'm walking that way
I was born for the road
And on it I stay
Never getting lost
In anything 
I'm a vision set free
I'm a bird on the wing

The Love

I'm not doing it for the likes
I'm doing it for the love
And these words just flow through me 
As though sent from above 

And I can't say a thing
About their creator
Only that they
Just radiate her 

And even when a song
Plays its own tune
It's not as though I
Am the only one in the room

And it connects threads
And it weaves so fine
It's like a tapestry
That is just mine

And I don't want to take credit
Where no credit is due
I do it for the love
And this love's for you 

The Social

I'm scared to go on the social 
In case I see your face
You are so at home
And I'm just out of place

And I know you have your problems
And I have mine too
It's just I never thought I'd be the one
Chasing after you

And you give out this light
It's like a diamond shine
And I have spent an eon
Just wishing you were mine

And I know we've got these barriers
Obstacles on every front
And you may have said my name
So I have to bear the brunt

Of all that you've been talking to 
Of everyone I know
And I didn't want to follow
When you told me to go

It's just I see these stars
Shining everywhere
And I have a dream where you and I 
Really do care

But life is on the wall
It has us on craic
And now that we have gone that way
There's really no turning back 

But tomorrow's always sunshine
Don't trade it away
Don't get lost in people
And the things that they say

And sometimes smile to sky
And think of me right well
I love you always
I don't know if you can tell

I don't know if you can see
Strings on my guitar 
Each chord plays its own refrain
About exactly what you are

And I could only write the Truth
As it spreads out its wings
I just drop the chains
And my heart it sings

As you sideways look at me
Forever dilettante 
I have to say I'm happy
And you get what you want


Is deep within the only way through
And I am still in love with you
Even though it won't work out
And my feelings are just something that I shout
And you are miles and time away
Distance between us and the fray 
And is this just a dream I make 
I see the truth and I wake 
Are the stars a reflection 
Of what we are
And is within
Just as far
To go
As way out there
It's a way of seeing
I just thought I'd share


Living in the light of love
It comes upon me like a white dove
And the Holy Spirit bequeaths its gifts
Without you ever asking for it 
And I made my Confirmation
It was with a kind of elation
As I was conferred with the blessings of God
So much more by love than by the rod


I've got a nickname
And it should be proof
That I do not live my life aloof
But streak in hair
And fabric that would dare
To set alight
And be the fire
To burn by night
To light the way
Of all the wanderers who stay
On the beaten track 
Now there is no way to turn back
On my side once more
In grace I do adore
The reflection of your face
I'm seeing you every place
I go or roam and for a moment
You were home
But I guess I see I have gone astray
And must refind the way
By the light of love
Descended on me like a white dove
Or fire and tongues
What it is to be young 


Photo by Rachel Claire on
Why do I still love you
It should be through 
And over and done
But you're still the one
I hitch my wagon to
In the dark 
And the light without you
Is bare and stark
And everytime I hear your name
Something inside me starts
As the cobwebs are pulled apart
By effortless hands
And the slipping sands
Of time mean nothing now
Though as for what the space allow
I cannot say
Only you were the light of day
A little too soon
I visualise you in my room
Talking to me or looking that way
And to God I still pray
That you're okay 
And I stay 
At the centre of circle or wheel 
Of the heart that you steal 
Everytime you smile at me
And, Lord, you will always be
Like a tower to be seen
I think you were the answer to a dream 


I will sing aloud
And let my voice be spoken to the crowd
No more dark silence here
But a chasm that's held dear
To emptiness expand 
In miles I hadn't planned
To have to walk
But it's all talk
Til I open out the way 
Then everything I say
Is hitting the mark
And the spark 
Has become a flame
That sets fire to my name
And be reborn
Like a phoenix rising from ashes warm
And the storm
Goes quiet once more
Everything I do adore

The Creative Impulse

Photo by Sora Shimazaki on
The creative impulse
Eats me up
You could call it
A kind of love
But it's relentless
It knows no way
To be easy 
On me today
The creative fire
The divine spark
Knows how
To tear me apart

A Desert City

Photo by Dziana Hasanbekava on
A wasted desert city
In an island of storm
And I was only tryin' 
To keep myself warm 
But I've journeyed miles
Away from home
And it is with loneliness
That I roam
For you were a tower
You were complete
And I'm always falling down
At your feet
But you pick me up
With my cryin' eyes
See through layers
Of my disguise
And it's ancient
And ever new
And you're saying
I mean the world to you  

Eternity and Infinity

Eternity and Infinity
Time and space
And I'm stepping out
Of the human race
And the draw it pulls
But I resist
I want to do more
Than merely exist
And your candlelight is pure
But I want the sun 
Want to do more
Than just be someone
And everywhere I go
And each place I turn
I feel the chasm grow
And the fire burn
But it's not for you
And it isn't for me
I don't know why it's there 
I'll have to just see
And you walked my way
And our arms brushed
But I know better
Than to be rushed
So I take my time
In staking you out 
Before I let loose
What I am about
And you run away
Like I thought you would
And I am still standing
Alone in the wood


I acquiesce to the power
Of a higher hand
It uses me in ways
I don't understand
It moves me here
And then to go
I follow
But I just don't know
Who it is
I'm going to be
There is a path
And it's leading me
To blaze anew
Through the fog
To lead with love
And not the rod
To point the way
In the dark 
Be headlights
Or a holy spark
Be afresh
Be anew
Be myself 
Just for you


How can I be devoted to someone
Looking through a windowpane
It is ardent, it is true
But is it all in vain
Because he doesn't believe
A single word I'm saying
So all my tears come down
Falling like the rain

And he has a girl
So how do I compete
When I'm a mess of hair
Falling at his feet
It's just that he makes me
Feel so damn complete
And I cannot deny
The cuteness when we meet

And is it all a movie scene
Do I play the damsel in distress
And is he the hero 
To save me and the rest
And could you call this anything
But a fair request
I was dancing in the storm
In my favourite dress

And where do we go from here
Is it a nothing that we are
Am I Victoria
And not the fallen star
I just know that he has 
Every piece of my heart
Held within a frame
Where they once were apart

And is this all nonsense
I'm scribbling on a page
I was close to crying 
And he was full of rage
But, oh, the image of you
It could stand for an age
When you're talking to me
I am not afraid

And I cannot find the answer
Nor can I write it out
It seemed you played a song 
That is what I'm about
And I cannot not hear
When you veritably shout
And all the words are
Just spilling from my mouth

And does it matter what they all think
Does it matter what they say
Because I really don't think
This feeling's going away
And I wished I had asked you
Years ago to stay
And not degenerate
Into a child's play

So who am I to you now
Am I anything at all
Because I've been calling for you
For eons down the hall
And each and everytime
I meet with a brick wall
Just before I go
Freefalling through it all

And we have friends in common
Is it just a Facebook scene
Am I Katy Perry
And you the teenage dream
And are all the cobwebs
Not what they may seem
You stun me like a laser 
Coming through on a moonbeam

And if it all is worthless
And left in the past
Is there any room
For me still to ask
Can we be on friendly terms
In the sun to bask
Because I know within
That this is built to last

And if I'm really crazy
You know I was locked up
Is there space to verbalise
Just what I'm thinking of 
Is it against your wishes
That I might call this love
And bless it with the rain
That falls from above 

The Wisdom of Non-Attachment

Do I have to let it all go
Everything, everyone
To radiate the light
Of the Son
And I've always loved Jesus
He is my defender
He's been there since
Before I can remember
And he picked me up 
When the going got tough
Was the dry land
When the seas got rough
And I've changed so deeply
And in so many ways
But I'm still the same
Or so He says
And love is not antithetical 
To devotion
When it is ardent and true
And not all commotion
And he has placed a man
At the forefront of my gaze
That I can share life with
For the rest of my days
And do I refuse
Do I turn him down
This ocean is not
A place I want to drown


There's nothing I can say
That explains what I mean
The closest I can come to
Is that life's a dream

But that's even in the story
It's not waking up
I guess you could call it
A kind of love

But it's not static
It's dynamic and moving
Like clouds on the run
That needs no improving

And I want to say
That you should trust yourself
Don't be depending 
On anyone else

Not even on me
And the light I see
In the depths of my heart
Is where you'll always be

Not hidden away
But burning with fire
All heat from the furnace
That only gets higher


Am I wearing 
Malas to the Supreme
Waking up
Though I'm still in a dream

And is it Grace
All of the falling apart
I can't deny
That I've got heart

And are my assumptions
To the contrary unfounded
Was it through open fields 
I bounded

And I can feel it lift
Here or there
The tumbling structures 
That I wear

And do we build God 
Or is he real
And is realisation
More than just what I feel


The lonely sound
Of Lightbody's voice
The soundscape of my life
And I never did become a wife

And was that just an ambition
Or did it require my volition
It's just that I've wandered miles and traversed seas
Of all I never got to be's 

But love, oh love, has never left me
Since the day that we met
I don't know how you could think
That I forget

But your beautiful mind
Is forever engrained
It overcomes
The way I've been trained

And I'll sing this song
And I'll toast to you
Because you overcame
What I wanted you to 

The Sunshine

Is it alright to be happy? 
Is it okay to be fine? 
Because I've spent years
Just trying not to step out of line
But the wellbeing is just there
Like an ever abundant source
And the people are all miserable
How is it that I show no remorse
For being so effortlessly good
It was a gift from on high
It just happened to me so suddenly
I don't have a reason why 


What's love got to do with it? 
I wonder and pray and ask
I never get an answer though
Is it coz I'm not up to the task

And my whole heart's been given
I don't know if I'll ever get it back
I just know it's overflowing
And there's nothing there I lack

And the feeling is so crystalline
It could a diamond reflect
A symbol of the Infinite 
On a string around my neck

And could these three sages be
Salvation do you think? 
I just know they're the ocean 
And in it I want to sink 

Catching Light

Out on the run
Where it begun
To catch my trail
And without fail
I blaze diamonds
Into the Infinite
And now it is
All catching light


I'm finding it hard to fight the feeling of fear
That I could lose all I hold dear
And it is so crystal clear
That I won't win the war this time
It's fading into the light sublime
As all is taken up in heaven's glance
And I don't need a second chance
To wonder if it's all okay
Dawn is just the start of the day

All Consuming

The darkness is all consuming
But I fight it out
And none of these people
Know what I'm about
As I walk with the storm
Through a thundercloud
I will speak my voice
And I'll speak it aloud


There’s no pain or suffering in the Great Divine
And I guess you could say it’s always been mine
But there have been days that lasted all night
As I clung to the handrail of being alright
And there have been years that passed in a flash
Like the bad weather when the rain starts to lash
And I don’t really know who I am anymore
I know I’ve been knocking for years at that door
Without ever really getting a reply
But in this garden I can see the sky
And the stars all flicker for me, a million dancing lights
Burning spheres of fire that the night ignites
And if you could tell me where I should have been, well I guess I’d go
But there’s something in this moment no one seems to know
Something that’s held firm, something that’s held true
Something that could bridge the gap between me and you
And I’ve always written my best work when I should be asleep
And in all this time you’re what I keep
Hidden between the folds amd creases
It is a love that never ceases
You could call it forever or unconditional
You could call it that sip of tea when your cup is full
And I don’t know what to say anymore to anyone
If I’ve rolled with the ocean you could say my time is done
As the world collapse inside me like a beautiful black hole
And I am drawn within by my very soul
To a place I can’t escape, though I wouldn’t want to anyway
There’s nothing more to do and no more to say
Except I love you always and always will be
The diamond in my heart, yours eternally

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The Freedom of the Word

The freedom of the word
It demands to be spoken
It doesn’t care about time
Or about what’s broken
Because everything’s fine
In eternity’s eyes
And it demands
That I shed my disguise
And stand afresh
With newborn faith
To bask in love
And take from the hate
Because the world’s spinning round
But nobody sees
That we’re living like reeds
Tossed in the breeze
At the edge of the lake
For goodness sake
We’ve been too long
In the dreams that we make
And living like thieves
Out on the run
Only lasts so long
Until you’re undone

The Heat

World weary, is that what I am?
And is life more than I can understand?
More than growing up through years
Or walking the valley in the shadow of tears
But one thing here I must confess
In spite of all of my distress
That I have faith that is ever true
To the Lord inside each one of you
No dressing up, no playing games
And it goes by a multitude of names
But my favourite one might just be heart
And we all have a share in part
To love with the heat of fire warm
In it I take shelter from the storm
By the hearth as the windows rattle
I don't think love's meant to be a battle
But only with open arms to say
I love you and I hope that's okay
I hope that's alright as the winds blow
I told you now so I guess you know


I can never hold it back
This wordsmith inside of me
As I am ever critical
Of what I try to be
But I’ve got words, Lord
And they keep on coming
Like a train on a track
Or Usain Bolt when he’s runnin’
And what do you think they mean
When they are pouring forth
Are they just another outdoor game
I play when I’m bored
But no, I have to believe
It is something more
That it is the sound of Truth
Knocking on my door
And is anyone home?
Do I undo the latch?
Because this fire in me
Burns like flames and thatch
And I can never put it out
The whole sky could rain on me
And I’d still be smokin’
With all I’m meant to be
So I will be the candlelight
To light the road aflame
And become much more
Than the letters in my name
And if you’ve got a midnight
Well, I have had one too
Til He set me afire
And he’ll do the same to you
If it’s what you really want
To have courage in your soul
And be the tide that is forever
Caught within the roll
Caught within the wave
That crashes on the shore
And like a beach I live my life
Always there for more

The Dance

Its in the way
The photons hit the wall
Its in the way
I’m freefalling through it all
And no one hears my thunder
No one hears my cry
And I’m not sure why
I keep on passing by
Never leaving a name
Or an imprint on the sand
And though this was a journey
None of it was planned
Only opening out
Into the great expanse
Life is the dancer
And I guess I am the dance

The I

The I knows itself

I don’t know it

But its something

I’m going with

It weaves itself

A tapestry

Always proclaiming

To be free

And what of

The one who sees

The forest is

Full of trees

Til aham-vritti

Finds its way

Back into what

I cannot say

But always driven

There to find

A somewhere that

Is beyond the mind


Wind assisted by grace

The kind of support you can’t erase

Only say thank you into the night

Thank the heavens I am alright

And come around once more to be

Kneeling in prayer at the foot of thee

Oh holy mountain, Arunachala, hear

To you I am always held dear

Always held close, you let me know

That where I follow, you will go

Only to be ripened like fruit on a tree

I was looking and you found me



The light of your grace is shining on me

Even though in the dark I can see

And am guided to home once more again

Always returning to remember when

Outside of time and outside of space

Outside of identity, but not out of place

Rushing Water

I saw you like a hero
Like a saviour in the stream
Like a wild songwriter
Surfing a moonbeam
And you have got your failings
As everybody must
And though I see them clearly
There’s something I still trust
Like the darkness in your eye
Unconquerable and deep
Or the innocence of a child
Lost in a sleep
And I know that I can’t have you
Im not sure if I ever could
I just wrote to tell you honestly
That I still would
Hold your hand so gently
So softly and sincere
You still mean it all
It all to me, my dear

A World Without Suffering

A world without hunger
A world without pain
I come in from the showers
And out of the rain
And I encourage all you
To do the same 
The heart of life
Is the beauty we name

The Ocean

The darkness in me
Is like a great ocean
And I am on
The surface in motion
Always moving
With each roll
Giving everything
Inside my soul
But I am more
Than just a ship
I am everything
The waves equip
And I know
That in each fall
There arises
More wherewithal
To deal with life
As it comes
I am not one
Who succumbs
To the weight
Of everything
The water’s deep
But I can swim

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You’re too beautiful
To be believed
And yes, I guess
I was deceived
When I thought
I could have you for my own
Now all the cards are shown
And where are we
Standing in the middle
I have to say
This love’s a riddle
To me at least
I can’t figure out
If it’s a famine or feast
But its always there
I swear
Like breathing in air


I still love him
Even though years have gone by
And though I try
This love just won’t die
It seems to go on forever
And though I endeavour
To quieten it
It shouts itself aloud
And says “Here!
This is what Im about”
As distinct from the crowd
Though Im essentially the same
Don’t make me take the blame
When we were in this together
You can’t blame the sun for the bad weather
And we were part of a community
Of thieves and liars and on-the-runs
Don’t look at me now
And say that we’re done
When forever’s in our blood
And in our bones
And everywhere we go
Is home


As the apple fell from the tree
So did love fall from me
And you could call it gravity
Its more than words could ever be

The Lord and Saviour

The Lord and Saviour
The Light Supreme
Was what woke me
From the dream

His hand
Upon my shoulder blade
It was I, the girl
He saved

Saved from
Running the mill
In fields I till

But do you know
What counted the most
Was that he sent
The Holy Ghost

To always be there
By my side
In Light and Love
I do abide

I’ll never stop staring into space
Or the world that knows your face

The Burning Rock

When did I lose faith in the human race
When did I find walls to disgrace
When did I get so tired and old
Why did I decide to do what I’m told
Til it all bursts to colours afresh
That colours me red in my undress
In a dark grey casket of absent Being
In the terror of not knowing what I’m seeing
In the joy of a fragrance untold
In the willingness to just be bold
In the love of arms that hold me close
In the Name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost

Tweet Tweet

The wise old owl inside of me
Knows exactly who to be
Knows exactly what to say
When people are talking my way
And I don’t ask, it just answers
Im not the dance, I am the dancer
And it craves subtle release
When my lips give in to speak
Exactly what’s been burgeoning
I listen to its urging
When it rises up to sea
And moves the ocean inside of me
When it understands the fold
That wise old owl does what its told

The Loveless

The origin trailer of my release
Or am I just lost in belief
Is this dream real, is this dream true
Or is it just me running from you
Running from ordinary life as it is
Running from someone who says that I’m his
Running from growing old by degrees
Or is it just me living life on the breeze
Going with the flow that calls me forth
Opening doors I couldn’t recourse
Calling all angles, calling all sides
Calling all people who breathe “I’m alive”
And will I let my immortal die
Invicible inside that can never lie
Only bow gently and slip outside
Think of other ways to uncover the hide
Because deep blue is a fantastic hue
But it isn’t much good just sitting in you
I must be away so that I can paint
All thanks to the time when love made me faint
With her lightning strike to lighten the mood
The veil of depression in which I brood
In which I sit and contemplate
I’m always nostalgic for that state
For in the present tense where I sit
Nothing holds fast if I grasp at it
Not even darkness, that brilliant bold
You should know better, I hear wisdom scold
Til I finally conceed to the rebirth
How is it I’m sorry that I cannot hurt
How is it I’m slow to let midnight go
You train her hard, but she must never know
Know who she is, know what you are
Til you’re ready to point to the North Star


Who am I to be
Who am I to go
Who am I to stand
When I just do not know
But the standing stands itself
On a wire or a string
I may be clueless
But it knows everything
To pull me from my socks
Back into my boots
To pull me like a tree
Up from solid roots
And it may have its reason
(It doesn’t have a rhyme)
All I know is that it says
Baby, it is time

Hidden Saviour

I saw Jesus in your eyes
Did I ever tell you so
Well I wasn’t supposed to
So I guess that’s a no
And I’d always loved
My hidden Saviour
He never reprimanded
Me my behaviour
Only spoke softly
To point out the way
Picked me up from the earth
When it wasn’t going away
And for a moment
I thought you had stole
The power of safety
The man in my soul
So I turned away
Only to hide
I’ve got to keep
My Jesus alive
But there’s an impending
I wonder can you read it
In my diction

Artwork: Jared Emerson – Face of God