Socially Relevant

I used to be socially relevant  
It used to matter that the sky
Was blue as the hue within my eye 
But now a solid grey has overtaken
The land that Simba has forsaken 
For an escape from what he's done
He doesn't see he wasn't the one 
Who held the key
To the death inside of me 
It was a summer note
And now it's gurus that I quote 
To find an adequate reply 
To the opening up in I
Whereupon the notion just contains 
The whole ocean of the cloud that rains 
Down on the parched land 
It's green because love understand 
That you need balance, you need peace
And something in us has got to cease 
As the industrial revolution gathers pace
It's like we're in some kind of race
That's turned into a death spiral twist
Would you know you even exist
If it were not for the fact
That everything gets taken back 
In the end 
And a friend 
Is a friend for life 
Like some people's faithful wife 
And I 
Can't countenance
What was just a stream of events 
That broke in my grasp
I found something that doesn't pass 

The Snowdrops

The snowdrops show their skin in January
When everything else is cold with the snow 
And like the darkest night 
It's only then it lets you go 
Coz I found 
The slightest sound
Was enough to wake the house 
So I learn to do without 
In the evenings I 
Just contemplate the way I die
To each and every moment fresh
And every second is the best 
In Immortal Being 
There's nothing new for the seeing 
Just what you have always been 
You are untethered from the dream 
That heretofore held you back 
But there's nothing that you lack 
And the dog days may be over 
But that doesn't stop me wishing on a four leafed clover 
To win the day 
It's not held within what people say 
But it is effervescently free 
But it's everywhere, don't look at me 
As though I'm something rarefied 
It's just something in me that's died
A thread that's broken, identified 
And it's more an omission than I lied 

The Guy On The Screen

Waiting for the guy on the screen 
Is it just a long dream 
Since I was born 
I've been in love with the storm
That just rages
I use pages 
To rifle through another scene 
And I say that it's just something I've been 
And I wonder if Stephen 
Would smile if the ends weren't even
And I just want to show 
Him the places that I go
When my serenity expands
There are vast oceans of open lands 
That are there for the the perusing 
I have no idea what it is that I'm losing 
When I let you go 
It's the complete unknown and it show 
Me something that I've never seen
But it's nerve wrecking to be the queen 
Of the midnights that just sashay 
Is it okay
If I like you like that 
The boy said he wanted his hat
Back but it was mine
And I tell it to him a thousand time
You can only ever be
The space that you set free

The Fear Of Something Harboured

The fear of something harboured 
Scratches at my skin
If I fight it 
It just gets in
So I try to act unconcerned
But the feeling, like fire, it burned
And it's been this way since I was a child
Running through summers like I was wild
Or when I walked down the hall
Touching three times each side of the wall
And they diagnosed me with OCD
Til I broke free at twenty three
But the monument crashed
And I ended up in the place where the drugs were stashed
And everyone that I love says to just go down 
But I can't run that side of town 
So I try to find a way
Until, eventually, I'm not okay
And give in 
Was it all coz I loved him
I wonder to myself 
What does it matter about mental health
It's what they say
That I deserve a brighter day
But I'm just fine with the evening hue
The way the purple melts into blue 
And, look, you can see the stars 
Your walls are only prison bars
And set nobody free
I know because it happened to me
As I stalked the halls of St. Patrick's Hospital
Remembering the core that is vital 
And I chat with Barry
But I don't think he's the dream I want to marry
And I'm submerged
The worlds converged
And I was caught in between 
The crosshairs of someone else's dream 
As I find a paper on the couch 
If only there was someone who would vouch 
For me 
But there's only my dignity
To speak for what I stand
And I don't really like what they have planned
They say psychosis, I say reveal 
They say unwell but it's something I steal 
Into then creep out again 
And I was down with the coolest men 
Like Emmett with his pen 
And clipboard making sure he sees where I am 
And he said "Oh, there you are" when we almost collided 
Between a pane of glass you and I are divided 
And he is something sweet
And if it was somewhere else that we meet
I'd bet we'd hit it off
I was counting every cough
As though they were signal fires
I scream out; "ye're all a bunch of liars"
Coz I can't get my point across
All I can think of is all I've lost 

Snare Drum

Hit that snare drum
And I try to do the sum
That will add up to the whole of my life
Am I just a house and a wife
To some man I don't yet know 
Or is there a reason that I just go
To the farthest corners of the earth
To find a way out of the hurt
The distant hum of the fan 
I want to stop it if I can
So I meditate and it doesn't work
I run and I just sweat my shirt 
And I listen to Eckhart Tolle
It switches into something whole
And cascades like the perfect song
Beating the movement where you went wrong 
And I'm listening to my own misery biz 
I used to be the shizz
Now I'm just old and normal 
Saw you in a suit so formal
Looking like you pay the rent
I wonder where the vagabond went
That crashed into my life like a storm 
And he's the fire that keeps the heat warm 
I wish you could know
That I would never let you go 
Only let the line go slack
And wait until you call me back 
And you always do 
I walk another's shoe
Til the soles are worn and dry
I dunno I had to try
And be the one to satisfy 
The longing that reaches out
It quenches thirst to match my doubt
Like that castle in the sky
I meet in dreams that die
Into a morning that just breaks 
And the girl, like the ocean, wakes

Big Fish

I look at the big fish
Thinking he's such a dish
But he's only catching flies
In the interval between the birth that dies
And yet I can sense even in him
A light that shines within
And the dark is threatening summer
So I switch off the lights and hear that drummer
That calls to me to speak my mind
Share my soul and my life in kind 
And I somehow know that this will come true
Because I have ultimate faith in you
To be and bring all I have to know 
I hold on to let go
Of what is not real or true
But the beef with this is that I pay my due 
A hundred times over in advance
And everyone is in a sort of trance
I click my fingers and 
Lose sight of an hourglass worth of sand 
But time is nothing new
Just the force of gravity working on you
As your skin folds down
And slowly sinks into the ground 
And you call that the end
I call it another friend
That just shows you that the permanent 
Is not held in the thing that went
But in the eternal, immutable soul
I spin the hands on the clock and fold 

The Door Opened

The door opened and the sun shone through
Now I'm blinded by all of you
In my psychois
I am precocious 
As I make awakening look simple
Then suddenly hard
It's like It flicks a switch
And deals the final card
To make good on a promise true
And I trust in it too
Because it broke the fragile seam
And I realised that the dream 
Can't cage the forest of my heart
So I make my pain make art, make art
And it's all a wonder in the deepest blue
An ocean that I saw in you
And it surged into 
A tidal wave surge
And I craved to find the bird 
That alighted on the tallest tree
And the flood just freed me 
From shackles I didn't even know were there
And somehow It knows that care 
Is only meant for a temporary incarnation
But your soul and its appellation
Is more universal than creation
Could ever contain
I came down as the softest rain 

The Closed Farm

The closed farm opened its eyes
And it realised
Everybody dies
Some day, eventually
What of me exists perpetually
Coz I know there's something there
That goes beyond the wind that tear
The seams from the jam of the door
I woke up on the floor
With a teacher staring down at me 
And I still remember the way that she
Was frightened that I 
Might be broken the way I lie
But I'm singing
The bells are ringing 
In a new dawn
And the old world is all gone
For the moment at least
Though, God knows, you can't cage the beast
Only watch it scream 
And realise it's just a dream 
In the winter of my life, when I was young
It was over before it had begun 
But it was not a final stop
It was love that meant a lot
And something in me just knew
That there is a deeper shade of blue
Than the sky you know
I hold on and it lets me go

Where To Start

The door swings shut
On another adjacent dream 
I run like wildfire 
Or an untethered seam
That's freed from it's hold
And the scene is gold
As everything magnifies
Exactly what never dies
And I feel a heartbeat in my chest
Just thump thump and forget the rest

The Unearthly Calm

The unearthly calm
Rises from within
And it tells me
You must be with him
And he’s miles away
And a girlfriend down
But he was a hero
Just outside of town
When we were teens
He was the man of my dreams
And I spied him through a tiny gap
In the thicket ( I didn’t need a map )
And I had the fear he might find out
So one day I just swallowed my doubt
And professed my love on a screen
Said you are loved by the queen
Of sometime, maybe, I dunno when
But I swore I wouldn’t speak up again
When you shut that thing down
And I don’t blame you, it’s just the sound
Of the door slamming reverberates
And every time you move the earth quakes
And I’m still and then all a-stutter
I catch hold of something that you mutter
As evidence, as proof
That you may not be aloof
And maybe you’re just an emotional male
Who’s heart is not for sale
So though I offer a million bucks
You’re not giving any fucks
And my respect for you just increase
That your soul is not for lease
And I fear one or both of us might decease
Before life again lets us meet

Oceanic Life

Oceanic life, I can feel the drown
Rising up when I’m outta town
It’s like a vast submerge
Has me on the verge
Of saying exactly what I mean
And punching a hole in the dream
That I built so carefully
And I’m sure they don’t see
But the forces of unconsciousness move to contain
What they suspect might be rain
And I’m coming down in a deluge
And it’s like my heart is the centrifuge
Of the whole storm
And I’m both cold and warm
As the fronts meet each other
And somehow I found a brother
Who connected on the level I chose
Coz all of them are lined up in little rows
And I draw outside the lines
I replay it a thousand times

Rooting Fir

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The tree beds down deep in my soul
And I’m as icy as the North Pole
On a summer evening
It’s global warming but are you believing
The stories they weave
And it’s cotton wool I have up my sleeve
No knife to stab you in the back
No hatred to make an attack
On what is perfect pure
You loved me but you weren’t sure
That you could trust the branch to bough
But I’ll come close if you allow
Me near your cistern heart
The one that fills before it starts
To empty out
And the earth quakes with your doubt
As you mean it all to me
Could you be my long lost sea

Paper Trains

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Using money as a measurement for success 
All I get is lost in distress
And unconsciousness
As I cling to the wall
Then the whole thing fall
And I look at the rubble at my feet
Why did God let us meet
If he didn’t intend us to be together
I scream in the morning air and the weather
Utters no reply
As dawn breaks over the seat where I lie
And that was back in ten
Number one on my list of men
That I adore
It’s like I found him on the shore
I used to seek solace on
But after I met you the whole thing was gone
It burned up like a candle flame
And all I have to hold is your name
And I remember your hand so soft and cool
That summer we met after school
In the park
And the field is green but the dark
Is just around the corner and I
Know what it is to be left out to dry
Like washing on the line
But don’t worry about it, it’s fine
He looks deeply into my eyes
And I’m momentarily without disguise
Or words to play
“I didn’t know you loved me that way”
I stutter a response
He’s not fooled
The evening changed
And the heat it cooled
Down into a summer balm
And all I feel is this unearthly calm
Creeping over the edges of my perception
The perfect kind of misdirection
To make the minute hour long
“I didn’t know you were that strong”
And the wellspring bubbles to the surface
“My God, aren’t you perfect”
In the moment we hold each other
I could never love another
The way I love you
I close my eyes and it’s just us two

The Bungalow By The Woods

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I run but there’s no race that I win 
I walk away but I think of him
Every single day
Was there really no other way
To handle things
And my heart sings
When the memory rises
And my surprises
To find him there
And find he care
Surpasses all my man made doubt
And a life learned to live without
Like holding back the air
I need to breathe and I care
About what happens to you
I would love to reach out to
You across the great divide
But I fear the rebuff and I hide
My secrets away so safe
And I used to be a little waif
In hunger with what she couldn’t live
I hope that you forgive
Me for my transgression
Why does this feel like a confession
When I’m at a loss as to what to say
So I make something up by the way
And feel all the penance that’s due
I just want to be worthy of you
But you won’t see me no more
I knocked and the door
Opened and closed in my face
Did you know this used to be my place

Colour Splash

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Taylor’s bringing it home
She opened the door when I was all alone
And let in a little light
I fight it out but I’m alright
As I say to the seasons
That this love is without reason
As I shudder to a halt
She lets six more out of the vault
And they run riot in the scene
She’s painting colour in the dream
As the grey gets a splatter of paint
I see the One and I faint
And on the floor in Room One
I know what it is to walk the Son
In feet that are his and mine
He carries me across the beach that fine
Summer’s day in the winter of my life
I smile because I am alright

Not That Bad

Do we just settle for not that bad
When she’s the best you’ve ever had
And I’m walking down lines and roads
Kissing princes, they turn into toads
And I’m way past what I used to be
I wish I could’ve looked forward to see
Where that path might lead
And all the aggrandizement that made me bleed
When it was one need
And the law says take heed, take heed
Of all that you don’t know where
And maybe people do care
It’s just that you could‘nt see
I reach out and say; it’s me
As the soft of his voice reminds me of your arms
And we grew up on separate farms
In rural Irish ways
And I don’t care what anyone says
You’re still the one for me
I loved you so I let you go free
Now I just want to capture
Evince a state of rapture
That might never be known
And I want to love, don’t want to own
If that’s okay with you
I’m gonna wait coz I want to

The Quietest Whisper

The quietest whisper
The most secret sound
The clue is that
It is all around
Swimming in water
We don’t know the fish
Til it’s served up to us
On a dish
And I lost the rag
I held onto
Got angry at him
Her, them and you
In the storm of the winter
I weathered a foe
Blew shit apart
Coz it would not let go
And I ended up somewhere
I can’t entertain
Beseeching others
To hear me in vain
And like the midnight
It comes then it passes
There must be more
Than getting A’s in classes
As I struggle to find
A deeper hue
A more vibrant red
A more trustworthy blue
And she says the dream
Is all that she knows
He looks to the side
Like anything goes
But the trinket to find
And then discard
Is all that you have
When life gets hard
And it picks you up
Like a sullen saviour
Don’t say that you love me
If it means that you hate her

Changing Me

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I’m a bit different
But I’m still the same
Growing up
Without a name
And I know I was immature
And harsh as hell
And pushed away
Anyone who wanted to tell
Me how to live my life
2.5 kids and a wife
And now he’s got all that
And all I have is to want him back
And it’s a flailing in the water drunk
It’s a commerce cost that’s sunk
Like the coconut on the veranda
And I wrote a poem about Amanda
Because she reminds me of you
I left but it wasn’t coz I wanted to

Desolate And True

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I’m out here on the bridge
Just staring into the dark
And life has come around about
In an arc
And Brooklyn never looked so tame
Was it ever even worth the name
Of the wilderness years
Crystallizing tears
Into diamonds
To star the sky
And I know some people die
On this scene
But it was enough to wake the dream
As I shuddered with a start
And Awareness part
From the thought bound grey
And I don’t care what people say
It was the best day of my life
Until the one I became a wife
To your sudden sun
I’m in love and you’re the One

Perfect Awning

It was a perfect awning
To bridge the gap
And I lose myself
Looking for a map
To find my place
And I lose face
In the timber as it burns down
There were years I ran this town
Now I just run away
As people’s words ricochet
Against the solid concrete wall
I guess life can play hard ball
When it wants to
I don’t know where I am
But I choose you

Magnificently Kissing On The Street

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Magnificently kissing on the street
It’s not the first time that we meet
As our stars cross paths
And we do nothing by half’s
And I’m staring at the guy on the screen
He reminds me of a dream
That I once had
And I don’t feel bad
Scamming on his beard
Is it a bit weird
I see you in him
And I cannot win
Coz you’re with another girl
The diamond in the rough, a pearl
In the oyster that you shell
And I’m not well
I commit myself to a cell
A hospital, a ne’er do well
And they put me on a pill
It takes all the strength of my will
Not to cave
Under the pressure it takes to save
Me from my own dear self
And they are no help
Throwing eyes at me
I disguise what’s free
In me behind a locked door
And I don’t know who I am anymore
As Dennis howls into the wind
And an old lady tells me how they’ve sinned
Before they put a needle in her
I cry to think what we were
And everything is green outside
I don’t wanna have to hide
Who I am from them
But, God knows, I can’t do it again

Rhythm Section

Cause of death, dying
What do you expect, trying
And I try to reason
With him but it’s just a season
In the garden he grows
It’s all flowers and God knows
I try not to be the sky
Reflecting blues in his eyes
As they stare up at the sun
But I think he might be the One
As he moves in a sashay
And he can have me any way
He likes to entertain
And his love is not in vain
As he holds a paper heart
Out and it makes my own start
Beating a rhythm I cannot contain
Would the sky take back the rain
It had cried in tears
If it meant it could erase the years
That have gone in between
The midnight of someone else’s dream
In a come what may
What is it that the people say
That there is a wilderness beyond the hedge
And you are more than the pond you dredge
To bring up gold
And that story’s never told
If you’re looking for a quick line
In the bathroom for the thousandth time

Even With Mobile Phones

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Does fate decide 
Even with mobile phones
Whether we live or whether we die
Whether we sing or we cry
Coz I saw you through a screen
Thought I had caught hold of a dream
100 miles away
But there’s something immediate in what you say
When you say it to me
As though you’re free
In the forest of ill repute
And you are ever so astute
In the fountain of forever
A remembrance endeavor
Or the ties that bind
Did you leave me behind
When you walked out that door
Tell me what is it for
If we fight and we spit
And I’m always waiting for that final hit
To rain on me
I am the ocean and you’re open sea
To still the calm
You kind of rang like a false alarm

Fiddler On The Roof

Music never ages
Neither does ripped pages
When they tear like your jeans
As if angst had its own seams
And I might be temporal in the extreme
But I can pluck somebody’s dream
Down out of the sky
I must get this out before I die
Of old age or accident
Because this life is only for rent
And the house I own is not of I
So I walk the roads coz I’ve gotta try
Find a destination more permanent
As if solidity was heaven sent
And here in our earthly abode
We dwell where water erode
Like tears of our making
Tell me who are we forsaking
When we balance on a bough
There’s only so much weight it will allow
And I am teetering on the brink
Of throwing the whole kitchen sink
Through the wall
I talk to them but they don’t hear at all
Only go crashing into the sky
I’d tell the truth but it’d be a lie

The Years

I’m afraid that I’ll forget my youth
When I get old
Regale the years
With stories told
As if it is all past and gone
Not ever abiding in a so long
Back when the most painful thing
Was coming in contact with a nettle sting
Now I count the Ogham
Spelling out: I’m all alone
Though not really
I’ve just got the feeling
That these years
May not be worth stealing
As time marches on
In fifty years will we all be gone
Or will some disaster
Some tsunami earthquake shake the rafters
Or some nuclear threat
As a leader somehow forgets
That he’s human too
And what you do to them you do to you
And what about the climate change
Soil to dust in a land that’s strange
Not bursting green
Like Sub Sahara could’ve been
If we’d‘ve done things right
Oh, it keeps me awake at night
Just thinking
Maybe I should be drinking
Instead of facing our woes
It’s humanity and anything goes

Amanda’s Dream

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Driving through town and I think of Amanda
She was into the emo scene
And her hair was long
Like a fucking queen
And I try to emulate what I saw back then
Seventeen 2.0 again
And I wonder where he is
If he has a wife and kids
I used to check his deets
Before I admitted utter defeat
And the family life always seemed empty
Like why would you when you’re good looking and twenty
But when you’re thirty three and laying waste
Everyone seems to say; make haste, make haste
And I’m like a rock in the river, it just flows by
And it might be a long time before I die
And forty looks scary as hell
Do you grow up or lose life as well
Coz age hasn’t changed the core of peace
And forgiveness might be the only release
For what she did to me
If you wake up are you free
Or do you deal with encumbrance still
Going through a dark night of the will

The Violence At The Core

The walls that they built up solidified 
And it was as though someone had died
As we stare at a Being crucified
And wonder how the powers that be lied
And knocked a tree so they could raise him up
And give us a type of archetypical love
That goes without season
An unconditional in the reason
And I’ve been a student of the Catholic faith
Longer than I’ve known hate
To exist, well seemingly so
But I don’t think anyone can know
Unless they’ve dipped their toe
In the Divine
It was a moment and I called it mine
Like some kind of trophy on the wall
When it’s not like that at all
The awakening, the grand pull away
Of the cobwebs in what people say
Like a veil, thick and dense
Split between the past and the future tense
But the Present’s like a knife
How I longed to be wife
To a mysterious man
Like only the dreamer in me can
And without throwing him to the wolves
Can I acknowledge that which pulls
And drags you to the core
Be still and drink in a little bit more

Symbolism

We were all shored up
It was cut and dry
And each one of us
Would’ve been willing to die
For the cause that we believe in
The colour into life
Not trudge to the grave
As a man and wife
But they caught us in the field
As the sky turned back blue
“Who dare refracts the sunlight
We think that it is you”
And he grabbed me by my collar
Through me into a van
Said a hundred metre sprint
Would be an also ran
And the courage dropped down low
In the back of my throat
As I thought about our history
And the genius that I quote
Are we just railroaded
Into another station
Will they call us out
On all our conflagration
And a blow to my face
And another to my stomach
The dread it lives in me
Like a rollercoaster plummet
And the drop may be expected
But it is never willed
It’s just there’s this void inside
That is longing to be filled
And if you have to crawl
Make sure that you don’t stop
I picked myself back up
After a round in the parking lot
And is the light extinguished
Or does it live on
Long after my beauty
And my strength are long gone
As I fail to lift a hand
Til something pulls me to my feet
And it’s been twenty years
It’s like the first time that we meet
In the battalion of the fearless
That drown the silence out
Stand up and be counted
You don’t have to live without
In this suffer and this burial
You seemed condemned to bear
But I know Truth by name
Because I saw the lie tear
And the fabric rip a thread
Now it’s pulling a seam
It seems a hole has pierced
Through the density of dreams
That send us aflourish
Into the garden green
It’s coming around again
All that we have been

Radical Self Acceptance

The vines they come 
The vines they tie
Is this just life
Barely getting by
And the shreds of ego
They justify
What in me
Is not afraid to die
Coz they come with their pills
And their ect
Am I just attracting it to me
To say that you can go to hell
With the days you wished me well
And told me what I can sustain
Give me something to help with the pain
A non existent foe
If you love me let me go
But they contort me into all sorts of shapes
In the wilderness of my escapes
From Stella ward, I walked to the garden
Til they locked the doors and decided to guard them
Two bulletproofs to tic tac toe
Threatening me to let it all go
“You’ll be back here in the morning”
But now my fury’s storming
How can they be so dense
When we all live in the present tense
They let me out on April eleven
Like they should shake my hand
I understand
You’re thick as planks
Don’t think you deserve my thanks
For what you did to me
But my soul remains ever free
From the lasciviousness and lies
The untruths in false goodbyes
And I personify the weather
Blame the heather
For being blue
Or some kind of purple I pulled it into
Don’t laugh
But I think I could pull a calf
With the strength inside
The activity room where I used to hide
From “the team”
Who use arrows to puncture my dream
In so many places
I breathe and the air displaces
The water in my lungs
Why do I sense it has just begun

Gazing Into A Galaxy

I wanna FGL but I won’t reveal
What that means lest someone steal
Into my dreams at night
And set fire to my gasoline light
I wanna FGL but I gotta pay
For keeping my vulgarity at bay
I’m dropping hints and lines and beats
But I’m overcome by the deceit
I wanna FGL but I’m loyal to
Someone who put me through
Considerable stress and strain
Making love look like pain
I wanna FGL coz the stars that shine
Issue from that diamond mine
And a ring once held my gaze
Now it’s all about the people I save

So what is on the listing deck
It’s like some horizon I wanna wreck
And I see myself on the same path again
Losing life and finding a pen
That will write my story for me
It’s dipped in ink so do not bore me
With tales of another race
Lord knows what I have to face
And I’m writing this as I’m still emerging
From a cocoon that is verging
On the edge of the insane
I have a dream where the rain
Fell on both of us so soft
You pay the bill, I pay the cost
For going out on a limb
I wanna FGL coz it’s me and him

Certitude

All those years watching Charmed 
Learning how to throw a potion
Now I’m half woman and half emotion
As I struggle to find the balance
The equilibrium that used to be my talent
And I could always say
I wouldn’t have it any other way
But now I side step the cracks
And think of all the things I would take back
But you can’t erase time
And the mistakes and mess that is mine
All because I melted down
Like they threw cold water on my mental health
And I suffer and I crave
To be something that the people save
And I offer a chance
To the dudes who wanna dance
But I turn them all down
Bed down and then leave their town
For my own plot of home
Why am I happier on my own
Like some kind of female king
A queen that rules everything
And not to borrow from the monarchy
But there’s something that’s been nagging at me
Like the princess and the pea
What happened when you spilt the tea
And I dropped right out of the picture
Coz I can’t handle the stricture
That you impose
I just loved you and the rose
Thorn pricked my skin
Now I’m bleeding over him
While he just goes about his day
And I wonder if he’s okay
And I really hope he is
But I must admit it’s my ardent wish
That he might change his mind
Or have a change of heart
Coz I wanna be a part
Of his looks that he simply throws
And, like Pru, I take one for the road

The First Time Love Hit

Teenage girl is a genre
It’s in the years when they try to pawn ya
Off on the nearest guy
And everyone wants to try
To hit me up
(But Paddy night just be love
With his cocaine eyes and ear ring
Piercing like the pirate of my dreaming
And we just sit in Centra at half one
And I swear he might be the one
With his bad boy chic
Shaved head and introverted streak
I swear his sensitive could melt
Me down to the bone and I felt
Everything in his eyes
That night in Spiral Tree to my surprise)
But anyway I digress
Why does everyone crave a state of undress
As the page left unturned
Like the candle that’s unburned
And do I dare to light the wick
Though that guy might be a dick
He inflects his head to show
It’s not just about the bed you know
And he’s got me smiling and a laugh
Escapes from my broken girl cast
As I seem to stray from fear
And find something I hold dear
Throughout each and every year
That goes by
And when we die
Will people cry
For a season or two
But know I found the immortal in you
When the sun burst onto the scene
Out of my arms and into your dream
And you resound
In time to the beat my heart pound
When I’m in your presence
And your essence
Is simply stellar
Oh, to know such a fella

The White Coats

The white coats come to take me away
I’m lying in bed and I pray
I might be saved from this intervention
But it’s all surface tension
They say there’s no one there
And that it’s just that people care
And in the morning
The night was still storming
As they assisted me from my bed
What was it that they said
Leading me towards Dean Swift
As though captivity is a gift
And I sat there shaking while Michelle
Staved off the feeling of hell
You’re just suffering from psychosis
But that diagnosis
Never rang true
It was a deeper blue
In loving you
And holding back the name
Coz I know you feel the same
In spite of the evidence to the contrary
And I know you can be a bit contrary
When you’re mad
And you think I’m sad
But I’m fly
And I’ve no intention to die
Or to run myself ragged once more
But the door
Closed with a click
And that nurse was a bit of a dick
When she told me what to do
But the guy with the beard makes it seem true
And he has pure chocolate eyes
As he speaks to me of their lies
As if they’re his own
He sat by my side and alone
Never felt so together
And their weather
Can’t reach me here
All the people that I hold dear
Failed me when I needed it the most
And it’s as though I loved a ghost
Needing you
I don’t think he knows what’s true

The Foreign Perspective

How beautiful the die is cast
To make things permanent we never last
But fade and age
What is it about a tattered page
That attracts the eye
And the body that is born to die
While we are warm
Know the heat that powers the storm
In summer days
So magnificent in so many ways
Like laughing with you
Breaking biscuits in tea because you wanted me to
And holding your hand
I’m never a day away from that land
And the bitterness bite
And the anger ignite
But nothing steals your candlelight
Away from me
The motion of sea
Is forever true
It brutal but it brings out the best of you
And the girl on the screen
Had a cracked glass inside of the dream
Oh, how it unfold
A story that you’d never told
To be something real
And I always swore I would never steal
But I did that day
Though I paid back what I took away
A hundredfold
Is my excuse that I was too bold
And bending white light
I always swore I would never fight
But I warred with the wind
People say I have sinned
But the chasm calls
To let me know all the free for all’s
Are just the Tao
Letting me know what it will allow
In these mists of mine
What it takes to walk the line
As steady as a drunk man outside a car
Please free me from the prison bar

A Return To Sender

She came back
And it wasn’t just to attack
Me for all I never was
She was there just because
And I rolled with the tears
Like tsunami years
As I lived in a foreign land
A city or don’t you understand
How I craved to be there with you
My replacement’s looking good too
But somehow I find her in my zone
And again I am not alone
As in the days of yore
What I call a time before
Before we grew into the ego casing
Did we even know what we were facing
Into as the tide will roar
But you only go low so you can soar
Like a bird in the sky
And someday we both will die
Of old age, illness or accident
And we wonder where the childhood went
As though having been heaven sent
We’re pulled back into argument
And there is a rise in the waters at bay
I always wonder if you’re okay
But I daren’t ask
Because it might crack the mask
That hides the gold Buddha beneath
We fight then we get back on our feet
And is winter long, do you suppose
And I wore someone else’s clothes
As though they fit
And I gotta say I loved it
Always wondering about future nostalgia tones
As we both share ourselves on phones
And he manipulate
Me into that state
Where I’m pliant in his hands
And the clothes get pulled from the lands
Til the darkness at the core
Pulls me into its depth and I adore
As we wind rivers of disassociation
Epicness and conflagration
As erstwhile we grow our souls
Up and out of the roles
That are preordained
And our relationship is a little bit strained
Like a muscle taught from tension
Or vague in the alley of apprehension
Of what may never come to be
But I lose my eyes to see
From the soul that drags me to and fro
Everything is screaming just let go
But I don’t know how
So I give in and allow
You to be all you are
I learned from you, my ardent star

Changing For You

Did they come for me
Again
I ran into the world of men
And got pulled out
By my own self doubt
And they turn the key
But there’s no locking up me
Coz I’m free
And not even a guy
Could ever try
To hold this down
Why is your place just outside of town
And I drive by it every day
Nod my head at the way
We once slotted into place
Now I’m an ardent disgrace
Professing my love to you
As the girls tell me to get a clue
He’s not real, it’s all in your head
And I shocked myself when I lay in bed
What if I permanently lose
Something that’s not mine to choose
And I pray I’ll stay your hand
They tell me it’s all grand
But I’ve got a snitch
In the way you called me a bitch
(Metaphorically speaking)
Living like you are a weakling
When you’re strong
Why did I belong
By your side
If we’re not alive
Or a thing
A broken wing
Aoibhín says
I refute her though
How could the people not know
That I am the queen of this domain
I can even rule the pain
And could it be part of the tapestry
That they tried to catch the mystery
And pin it in place
Say that they can read it on my face
I think they’re illiterate
Coz I’m cool with the flirt
Of the guy behind the desk
What is it I suggest
When I’m staring at you
I’ve never seen that colour blue
In the real world
I wake up and the girl
Walked me down the hall
I want to give up on it all
But life smacks me with a stick
Like some kind of zen master being a dick
Til I balance on my own
Why did I let it be shown
That I’m vulnerable and soft
Now I hold the memory aloft
Of us by the coast
Til you left me like a ghost
And they’re putting the shackles on me
How could this be meant to be
As I see the sun go down
On a tight fitting dream gown
I scream into the mirror
But it doesn’t get any clearer
Or bring you back
Is love the absence of lack
I don’t think it’s an illusion
As they try to persuade me that confusion
Guided my pen
Are they coming for me
Again

Stephen’s Eyes

Travel to India to go find yourself 
I can just see you with that book on the shelf
And you throw your eye back at me
It was wilderness but it was free
And you’re some kind of home, soft and easy
Always wondering why didn’t it please me
But I’ve got to say your therapy
Found me sitting back with the best of me
And I find forever in the diamonds you mine
I call you over a thousand times
Just to see what it’d be like
To kick it with you in the dead of night

Beautiful Star

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Beautiful star
I wonder do you know how lovely you are
I stole that line 
From a singer I met in the midst of time
But an open scene 
Is where the clouds part and the dream
Reveals itself to be something true
Only the illusion revolved around you
Now I count the beat
Of each heart pump that rhythms my feet
As I walk on and on
Til the pedestal I stand on is long gone
And she scorched the earth
I stood upon and the consequent hurt
Was blamed on her
But I wonder do I know what we were
As I allow
The branch to bend as it leaves a bough
Out to me to take like a dove
An olive branch sent from above
I blamed the scar
But would I know what we are
Without the pain
Are you dry until you know rain
Well maybe it's true
But the contrast shows it up to you 
God give me faith
And the strength not to hate
Those who do me ill
Coz they are just vessels of your will
To send me deeper into the fold
Until I discover beneath the clay there is gold
Hidden in mud from marauding bands
Now I'm in the music and we're holding hands
Like we'll never part
As the man exclaims; make art, make art
And I know I'm too quick
And the judge is a brick
I hurl through the glass
Just because I was good in class
I seek to find
The prison that I left behind
An eon ago
I ask Jesus to just let me know
As if he's my personal friend
But he showed me a love that will never end
And so I defy
Anyone who dares look in my eye
The depth of soul
That lies beneath the waves that roll
To quench the storm
Don't you know that the warm
Is as much part of the sea
As the tornado at the core of me

The Peace Of Me

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They’re gonna think I’m a bad person
I hear my ego boom
There’s only room for one
Of us in this room
And the heat is warm
I don’t have the heart for another storm
Only winter is coming
I feel the chill
Calls the leaves off the trees
That suddenly will
Fall to the floor
The pine soft carpet 
If you look for Love
You’ll find that you are It
In the summer weather
As you walk amongst the heather
In purples and blue
All reflecting the shades of you
To let the seasons be
Is more than has ever been asked of me
Coz I fight the tide
That screams the moon means you’re alive
But a cyclical wind
Only ever blows more karma and sin
What is beyond
I ask the air and abscond 
Into serenity
Be still and know the Peace of me

The Hidden Way

They took you away from me
Like a blind man to suddenly see
The light is thrown into sharp relief
Like a heart to consistently beat
Against the sound of your silent frame
I can’t count the times I said your name
To myself in my sleep
Like it’s a secret that we keep
And she could never compete
With the fear and the resident dread
That follows me to bed
As I close the doors behind
What you can consider the realm of the mind

And I’m stoic and cold
But you be brave and be bold
And my defense just shatters
Like glass on the floor
And I could do nothing but adore
The man before my eyes
And our flag suddenly flies
In the breeze that you whipped up
It’s like a tsunami of pure love
But I’ll fail and I drop your shoulder
It’s like I can feel the boulder
That weighs you down
I still think of you around the town
And I watched the scene suddenly close
Like a film script, God knows

I can’t rewrite the past
Or drown what wants to last
In the summer of seventeen
Or the end of the dream
That once held afloat
A hundred thousand million boats
Like Charlie St. Cloud
I weep but I’m too proud
To let anyone see
And I know it’s not just me
It’s a catching cold
And I know and you scold
Me into the truth of being
The loss of love, the door to true seeing

And you’re like a sentinel at the gate
Asking why I made you wait
As I lift my limb like I’m underwater
And I shouldn’t‘ve fought her
But it’s too late now to go back
And she hit me where I held the lack
But it was the door into an oblivion dark
I wade through Nutgrove Park
With the joy of a new purple in my life
I let go and someone’s wife
Holds the key to a diary I wrote
And there are sections that I quote
When I’m thinking of you
I let you know coz I thought you wanted me to

And you come back to visit me in my dreams
Death may not be all that it seems
Coz the boy I knew would be a grown man
If I could stretch his time here like only God can
In his laughter and in his smile
I thought I was okay for a while
But it all comes back to haunt
And I write it in my own font
Coz there’s no other way to explain
What fell on me like the softest rain

So how did we intersect
We barely met, you interject
But somehow you’re held so dear
In a heart of glass that’s crystal clear
And you can see the facets of the diamond
But if you look for it you can’t find ‘em

Still In My Soul

I was there
The day
They took you away
And this song was playing
On the car ride home
Do you feel alone?
Coz the pavement always reflected the sun
And the sky was a burning one
As I walked in the gate
Was it just fate
Coz I can’t think of a reason
The season
Is winter and so much snow
I swore I’d never let you go
As my hands tremble against the pillar
And daily life is like filler
When you’re gone
I hold my breath for so long
Just to prove
I feel what it is to lose
Your golden hair
I remember you and I were there
That Sunday outside the Church
And, I dunno, I just love you so much
I was gonna ask you to
But I lost the nerve that checked on you
And I never suspected
I never preempted
The basin that emptied
The moment she said your name
It cascaded and the blame
Of grief and guilt and pain and loss
Try to show me who’s boss
But you surface holding my hand
As I tell you ‘bout the boy in the band
But it’s through tear stained cheeks
The valleys and hills as the glacier weeps
It’s way through the parish we were born to know
I never thought I’d lose that smile though
I still feel it’s radiance on me
You always let me run free
In the playground we silent share
At the range as you stood there
Somewhere, somehow by my side
How dare they say you’re not alive
When I feel you ever near
Shining like a crystal clear
And you know me just a little bit
But somehow you still stay with
Me throughout the years
And I would drink an ocean of uncried tears
Just so that it’s real
This isn’t just something that I feel
I don’t know how to deal
But somehow I do
Even if it’s not with you
And the bitterness
And fears and foe
Come regardless of what I let go
As I fight to find
A place I can’t leave my love behind
And I think I found it
It’s tentative but it’s true
And it resounds with the power of you
As you sing in the echo of the hall
Bouncing off the far wall
It only serves to resound the call
That makes me write for you
The silence is pure but it pours into
Every syllable you didn’t say
I’d walk to you if there was no other way

Even If I Could

There were days I wanted to
As I stumbled down the hall
Keep my head up
When I feel like I’m gonna fall
Or drown under it all
And they say the words and they echo
But they can’t get me to let go
Of what keeps me straight
I tell the truth, they say to wait
And this secret eats me up
When I know it’s born of love
Brimming full of a Sunday sun
Like God is the only one
Who could ever know
What it is I can’t let show
Coz it’s dark and crazy and gets me locked up
It’s as though I know I must drink from this cup
And we all die
And cry
Behind closed doors
Or not at all
I wonder which is worse in my own freefall
And the darkness came one sudden night
Some kind of fire to ignite
In a vacuum empty
And it wasn’t until I was twenty
That I realized
Beyond the clouds are blue skies
And somewhere in the midst of all the hate
Is food on my dinner plate
And a feast at the table
Lift your head if you’re able
Coz few are those who could do it for ya
So don’t rely on the dictum, do ya
Find that sweet source beneath the pain
There’s a place beyond the rain
And when you’re soaked through and through
You wake up to the reality, don’t you?

Delegitimization Of Experience

I get how psychology 
Can be used to delegitimize your experience
Like who’s that girl
And what’s she at
They came at me
Like they want me back
And hold me against my will
With the upmost skill
They bandage my eyes
Til I can’t see
But I’ve a North Star leading me
Down the avenue
By the coast
Spelling out what I love the most
And he swears he’s right
But I feel my head get light
When he suggests
What I should ingest
And it’s all for the higher power
So I surrender to God
It makes it possible to bear the rod
That clips my my fingers
As I grasp the cliff
Holding forever in a what if

Understand

Watching the polarities
Rise and fall
Male and female
Being brought to the boil
As we push the boundary
Of what we think we know
But they’re just categories
And we have to let them go
As gender becomes
A fluid concept
And the powers that be
Are sure to jump on it
And tell us
What we should understand
Now that non binary
Is in demand
And you say conservative
Or a liberal foe
It’s all in the ball you throw
With your good arm
No need to sound the alarm
On the adjacent feminist
They don’t get how some things exist
Except to say a right
Is where the opposites ignite
And I’m just sitting here
In the crosshair
I couldn’t fight
The reason that was there

Conflict In The Vortex

It’s like sex doesn’t exist
Though it pertinently does
As it drew you down from above
Into a human incarnation
Til all the cells are in formation
And in a cohesive whole
Come together to house your soul
In a container, a vessel pure
But mind your language, you must be demure
And not let your thoughts stray
Admit to thinking and feeling that way
About him
And a woman can’t win
Coz she gets beat
If she can’t stand the heat
Of the furnace roar
Blowing a blazing breeze into a soar
As it brushes back your hair
Did you know that I was there
When I looked at you
I thought you looked at me too
But the army’s engaged
And, the battle, it raged
On an open plain
Saying we’ll never do that again
But we do, obviously
And it is no mystery
Why in these many streams
We can’t be the one who dreams
Coz we keep waking with a shudder
And I may never be a mother
Coz I’m hopelessly devoted to a dream that I
Will follow til the day I die
And I dunno
If it will let me go
And make a life
Be someone’s other half, their wife
And the suitors are few
But each one of them borrowed their eyes from you

Stillness Is A Dragon

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Stillness is a dragon
It eats me up
And there are some people on Earth
Who would call that love
Like the last marauders
Who round the bend
Who search to find
The true friend
That shines in all lights
That is every dawn
The something that’s there
When all is gone
It’s arising in me
And it’s rising in you
The bun’s in the oven
Now let the broth stew
Til it comes steaming
Into your hands
And you know the meaning
Of life on these lands

The Great Breath Out

The great breath out
Erases all doubt
As it comes to a conclusion
And clears up any confusion
As to what you think this life’s about
Do you delay your self doubt
For another day
Coz it’s not going away
Until you deal
Though the deck is stacked and what you feel
Is no indication of Reality
Who do you grow up to be?

For A Thousand More

I stepped onto the bridge
The wood was creaky
And there’s something about that guy
That was a little bit freaky
But I like him anyway
I catch what he say
Across the thread of an internet fine
And I know it’s love for the longest time
As he flicks his hair
Flicks his eyes
Buries crevices
In my disguise
And there’s nothing more
Than to bang on your door
And tell you I’m out here waiting
I don’t even think of hating
You anymore
I simply adore
The sleep in your eye
And how you are with me when we both die
Across the refractions of time
On the thinnest of line
We are bound as One
And an unearthly Sun
Shines from your face
And I love this place
Now you are near
I hold you dear
And it’s crystal clear
That through the cobwebs and moss
All is not loss
Just a slowly burning candle
Did you think I was too much to handle?

Staring From The Sidelines

I stepped onto the bridge
The wood was creaky
And there’s something about that guy
That was a little bit freaky
But I like him anyway
I catch what he say
Across the thread of an internet fine
And I know it’s love for the longest time
As he flicks his hair
Flicks his eyes
Buries crevices
In my disguise
And there’s nothing more
Than to bang on your door
And tell you I’m out here waiting
I don’t even think of hating
You anymore
I simply adore
The sleep in your eye
And how you are with me when we both die
Across the refractions of time
On the thinnest of line
We are bound as One
And an unearthly Sun
Shines from your face
And I love this place
Now you are near
I hold you dear
And it’s crystal clear
That through the cobwebs and moss
All is not loss
Just a slowly burning candle
Did you think I was too much to handle?

When You Looked Like Love

It was ‘14 and I was on the run
And you kinda looked like a loaded gun
And I wondered if you would go off
So I paid the cost
And let the ship go down
Kinda dropped out of that town
And they called it a scene
But, guess what, they are livin’ the dream
In a living room potion
I’m equal parts water and emotion
As the sea afloats
A rising tide that lifts all boats
In the midnight blues
Would you be just old news
If I read the feed
But wanting you made me bleed
In deeply unconscious states
The girl waits
For it all to be right
Then suddenly ignite
With all she is
But I am not his
In the movement that belies
The futile moment that he tries
To stem the flow
Of realizing I cannot go
Any closer to you
So, I’ll back off, that’s what I’ll do
Into the depth that surrounds
And riverbeds quake grounds
But they can’t uproot the tree
That’s been growing within me
So you can keep the label
I’ll keep the love, if I’m able!

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