I tried to find permanency in the things you approved of
Cause you always seemed like you were right
You walked with a kind of confidence
That had no doubt as to what you could fight
But I fell into the abyss
Waiting for you to care
And hopscotching myself along the lines
Of what I didn’t want to wear
And everwhere there seems to be
Instructions on how to live
But its like chasing down paper planes
Along rivers that don’t exist
And I seek one moment to turn forth
For the love I bear you in my chest
But each time I do I am crippled
Crossing lines that you destest
Whether I’m too near or too far
Its like a balancing act
And it doesn’t really serve a purpose
To swear by what you retract
And I could play these guessing games
For the milleniums before me
I know that it is selfishness
I just want you to adore me
And I’m not really seeing the practicalities
Of loving on request
I know I never measured up
When you put me to the test
So all that I can offer you
Is the silence that consumes
As I’m absorbed into the night
The darkness resumes
And you will always have the meaning
You inescapably are
But I am not just a sweeper
To kick when times get hard
And I know that there will be resolved
An answer to our souls
I just think I was mistaken
When I thought you made me whole
And our spirited undertones
Just patchworked the quilt
Something drove the blade in
And it broke off at the hilt
Now there is a forest wide
Of time and space and words
But every time I see your face
I forget what I have heard
And conjured up again
Is a memory infantile
When I looked for you to be just there
But you had run a mile
And the stabbing jealousy
Pierces deep into my side
As I look at the perfection
Of you without me in your life
As accolades and flowers
Flow freely into your hands
I wish that I could stop the wish
That you would understand
Me just as I am
And revel in my presence
But I stayed too long
Now the moon is just a crescent
Of the whole that it was
Signalling an eon of time
That moves the waves in rhythm
To the era you were mine
And these convoluted feelings
Are all about possession
I thought that I could do without
The wounds of my window dressing
As I come to the conclusion
That my heart is made of stone
And maybe I would be better off
If I just leave you alone
Like you’ve been begging me for centuries
Implicitly in your eyes
A monumental cacophony
The whole world denies
Though you always seem to find
Someone to match your heart
And I wonder why it was not I
Who could fulfil that part
So sadness will ensue
My subtle self exile
I guess that I will never be
The light behind your smile