Love

I love so much
I feel I will burst
This feeling courses
Through the very worst

Through all of the liking
And ticking the box
I find I am open
Without any locks

And it just moves its own way
In a flow, in a beat
And I find I am standing 
On my own two feet

As I build on foundations
Solid as a rock
Am I okay? 
Well, is the sun hot

Just like my heart
In rhythms it's own 
I may not be adult
But I am grown

Wings

I believe in the sky
To conquer the weather
And there are ways
To see through forever
To make it one
Under the rain
Say you'll never go back
To that place again
But you find the door
Ready to be knocked
You don't try the handle
Coz you know it is locked
But you hope and have faith
Trust and believe
In the strength you
Have always found underneath
To sail your ship
Once more through the storm
You can't see the sun
But still it is warm 
And you know and you'll be
You'll love and create
Til you open your eyes
And walk out of that state
And find the dawn
That follows dusk
It doesn't take much
Just a little trust 
As you resolve and know
Revolve and be 
In all of this
Your wings are free

Built on Love

Comparison and judgement 
Destroy the soul 
They make you 
Prematurely old
They only serve
To dim your light
Just surrender
Give up the fight
And come back
To a place called home
Know that you
Are never alone
But always supported
From the ground up
The Universe 
Is built on love

Destiny

I've got a destiny
I can feel it in my bones
And it has something to do 
With saving people's homes
With finding a diagram
That will fit the screen
I have to make reality
Out of the thing I dream 
And the stories I tell 
Myself quietly at night
There has to be a way
To make the world alright
To cause and effect
And point out the tune
And I am not alone
When I'm sitting in my room
When I'm sitting by myself
To ponder life as real 
There has to be more
Than the way we cut the deal

The Cosmic Mind

The cosmic mind
Knows what it's doing
It points out dreams
That are worth pursuing

And I'm so lost 
In the creases and folds
But it breaks a sunrise 
Across the sky it holds

And the horizon 
Is burning red
Til I can't remember 
Where I've been led

Out into the warmth
Of a new day
I'm trusting in it
Anyway

Impact

What is the impact
Of my unemployment
Could I more than say
I don't know where the ploy went
Coz I've up and grown
And true colours have shown
But I still say
I don't know where I'm going
Does a river when it's moving 
Imagine the sea
It's like a premature 
Deciding who to be
As an oak grows upwards
From a single seed
And there are things
That we all need
From the sky to the sun
To the rain in the clouds
How many human beings
Can say that they're proud
Of the life that they're living
Of who they are 
The atoms inside us 
Were forged within a star
So know this once
And know it forever
You are the beauty
The cosmos will treasure
Every day of your life
In the depths of your soul 
Don't stop at okay
Go ahead and be whole 

Superstar

Dreaming about the superstar last night

And I really hope that he’s alright

Because he’s been through tough times too

But you know I could sing along to

Your glorious refrain

You make castles out of the pain

And I could be your princess, dear

The water is so crystal clear

And this is not all you’ll ever be

Now when I’m seeing you with me

Passing Through

We’re only passing through

We’re a whisper on a page

We are the bodies that we grow

And then again to age

We’re the midnight in the summer

When the moon is shining high

We’re the truth between the lines

On the paper where we lie

We’re the justice and the mercy

The all bequeathing love

We’re the hand that writes the heavens

In stars far above

We’re the darkness and the light

The fire we ignite

But among the chaos

I know we will be alright

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

This Winter

The feeling of panic

Knarls in my stomach

Maybe this is too much to be

Maybe there’s so much yet to see

But the aching roars

And the spirit soars

To become an avalanche

Of my own making

And I count every one

Of the breaths I’m taking

In case I misplace one

Amidst the snow

The winter has gone on

For so long, you know

The Winter

The winter, it weathers

The brush and the grass

And I wonder about

That which will ever last

And you could call it God

You could call it Christ

It transcends death

It is Eternal Life

It goes beyond time

It goes beyond space

It is the Peace

That will never cease

It is the Love

To always abide

It is the Freedom

You don’t have to hide

Don’t have to cover

With shields and holds

It is the Wisdom

Inside our souls

It is the breath

It is the breathing

It is with me

And it isn’t leaving

Photo by Katarzyna Kos on Unsplash

Everywhere

The love, it abides

The music, it sings

Into worlds

Of everythings

To pierce

Your darkest night

Don’t you know

It’ll be alright

Because every hair

On your head is counted

And the emptiness

Is a hidden mountain

Of stability

That just remains

Regardless of

Time and pain

Regardless of

Lost ways

It’s all around

That’s what it says

Photo by Anton Darius on Unsplash

Vibrantly Alive

Peace is alive

It’s vibrating sound

It’s in the room

And it’s all around

It is the space

Within the form

It is the heat

That keeps us warm

That keeps us safe

Held in its hands

The permanent

Among the sands

Of time

That just change and wave

It is the Lord

And He will save

All of us

Come what may

There’s nothing that

You have to say

Photo by sunnie on Unsplash

The Calling

The Lord, He calls me

Into who I’m meant to be

Onto the road I’m meant to walk

I don’t want this to be all talk

But the evidence of Truth

To be alive, to be the proof

Of the goodness that knows no bounds

The silence within all the sounds

The love that is all abiding

It’s time to come out of hiding

Photo by Benita Anand on Unsplash

Awakening

The light it struck me in the dark

And I had to give up playing the part

Of the hard done by fool

It happened one day in school

Where the Divine called my name

Pulled me away from all blame

Unto a new dawn

And all the pain was gone

All the suffering that could ever be

Is just an illusion that you seem to see

But we are free as a bird

From the story we never heard

The Love of Letting Go

If you love something, you let it go

That’s what I’m doing here, you know

As I let go of my grip on the infinite

I think I just might be alright

And concede to life that death is king

He will take everything

Every stone and every blade of grass

And doesn’t ever think to ask

But there’s something even time can’t steal

It’s in the domain of the real

It’s pure and it’s refined

And far beyond the old mind

That would tell you this is that

And have you running like an alley cat

Up walls and over bins

Years lost in the din

Yet something finds me in the Now

I don’t know quite how

But it pulls me up by my boots

And still I grow deeper roots

To fulfill my nourishment

I need no encouragement

To be the light that I am

I move in waves without a plan

Image Credit: eberhard grossgasteiger at Unsplash.com

Having To Let You Go

It's not that easy
All this having to let you go 
I didn't think
I'd have to do it, you know
I thought we could
Go on forever
But now every endeavour
Speaks of you 
As you go on with your life
And ardent devotion over strife
Seems to capture my days
And there are so many ways
To miss what we had 
And to regret 
What turned out bad
Could you forgive
If I live and let live
And consent 
To being the presence 
Where heaven went 

Translation

I write about no one
And nothing agrees
I am split level
I've got my degrees
And if you ask a question
Who is to answer 
Love is the way
And life is the dancer
To a new song
To a new word
And it's like the best
Sound you've ever heard
But this poem's just a tribute
It's not the real thing 
You know it when
You give up on this fling
That you've been caught in
That you've been living
And God is peaceful 
He is forgiving
So don't walk away
From all you own
Just listen to your heart 
As true colours are shown
As light and love
Break through and bask 
All you ever have to do
Is ask 

Empty Air

The day it all dropped down by my side
Is the day I truly came alive
And there was nothing there
Just empty air
Nothing with the will to get by 
And I just basked in the vastness of the sky
I wasn't big and I sure wasn't small
Only aware of it all
And perceiving 
Something that was
Beyond believing 
And beyond reason in its perfect hue
There's nothing there I have to do 
Only make waves to lap the shore
And give in to worship all I adore
And once again, once more
I let go to open the door

Devotion

How can I be devoted to someone
Looking through a windowpane
It is ardent, it is true
But is it all in vain
Because he doesn't believe
A single word I'm saying
So all my tears come down
Falling like the rain

And he has a girl
So how do I compete
When I'm a mess of hair
Falling at his feet
It's just that he makes me
Feel so damn complete
And I cannot deny
The cuteness when we meet

And is it all a movie scene
Do I play the damsel in distress
And is he the hero 
To save me and the rest
And could you call this anything
But a fair request
I was dancing in the storm
In my favourite dress

And where do we go from here
Is it a nothing that we are
Am I Victoria
And not the fallen star
I just know that he has 
Every piece of my heart
Held within a frame
Where they once were apart

And is this all nonsense
I'm scribbling on a page
I was close to crying 
And he was full of rage
But, oh, the image of you
It could stand for an age
When you're talking to me
I am not afraid

And I cannot find the answer
Nor can I write it out
It seemed you played a song 
That is what I'm about
And I cannot not hear
When you veritably shout
And all the words are
Just spilling from my mouth

And does it matter what they all think
Does it matter what they say
Because I really don't think
This feeling's going away
And I wished I had asked you
Years ago to stay
And not degenerate
Into a child's play

So who am I to you now
Am I anything at all
Because I've been calling for you
For eons down the hall
And each and everytime
I meet with a brick wall
Just before I go
Freefalling through it all

And we have friends in common
Is it just a Facebook scene
Am I Katy Perry
And you the teenage dream
And are all the cobwebs
Not what they may seem
You stun me like a laser 
Coming through on a moonbeam

And if it all is worthless
And left in the past
Is there any room
For me still to ask
Can we be on friendly terms
In the sun to bask
Because I know within
That this is built to last

And if I'm really crazy
You know I was locked up
Is there space to verbalise
Just what I'm thinking of 
Is it against your wishes
That I might call this love
And bless it with the rain
That falls from above 

The Wisdom of Non-Attachment

Do I have to let it all go
Everything, everyone
To radiate the light
Of the Son
And I've always loved Jesus
He is my defender
He's been there since
Before I can remember
And he picked me up 
When the going got tough
Was the dry land
When the seas got rough
And I've changed so deeply
And in so many ways
But I'm still the same
Or so He says
And love is not antithetical 
To devotion
When it is ardent and true
And not all commotion
And he has placed a man
At the forefront of my gaze
That I can share life with
For the rest of my days
And do I refuse
Do I turn him down
This ocean is not
A place I want to drown

Beaches

Leave up your tools
Leave up your weapons
Your weariness
And your confessions
Your striving to
Be better than most
Your kneeling to
The Holy Ghost
Give it all up
And follow me now
Into the depths
Of what I’ll allow
Into the chasm
A cave of sorts
There’s no one left
With whom to consort
Give up your tired
Old way of thieving
And all your absence
Of believing
All the ways
You rid yourself
Of the world
And everything else
Give up the struggle
For you’ve struggled in vain
To hold my hand
Under the rain
I bring the Sun
For I am That
Follow me now
And don’t look back

Fallen Trees

Lost to the ravages of time
Was the golden that used to be mine
That holy light
I’d touch the air and ignite
Now, no more
Every knock upon a closed door
But like she said
When different demons were in my head
Sometimes the way
Is made so you can’t even say
Yes to this or no to that
All you know is you can’t go back
In your dusty boots
Stumbling the rest of the route
Any water, please?
No, my dear, learn how to grieve
In the arid sun
I guess there’s still a Golden One

Image Credit: Huff Post, Becoming a desert girl

Consciousness

The consciousness contracts
Into a denser state
I was the world
Now I’m just a place
But no matter what
They say or do
There is something they
Can’t take from you
Something they can’t
Lay hands upon
Something you gave
So now its gone
Something you love
That will always be
Within, without
Eternally

Image Credit: https://8tracks.com/chimericalist/cosmic-love-a-space-fanmix

Yeshua

The tears are falling from Yeshua’s eyes
When I look inside I see everybody dies
And he’s got bullets in his hands and feet
Salty water where the rivers meet
And I do nothing to testify
I just sit in my room, contemplate and cry
Missing the whole point of the dear thing
He gave up his body so I could sing
He gave up his mind, he gave up will
And I’ve given nothing but a promise until
The seas roar and the clouds overshadow
What’s growing inside my fields so fallow
And I will yield it all at the break
Give what they never even thought to take
That flesh may come and flesh may go
But it happens within what I do not know

The Mysterious

I sit on the stool and hold his hand
He says, “It’s ok, I’m fine, be grand”
And I know that it’s true
But it doesn’t take depth away from you
He sighs the air
And I feel the weight of all that is there
“Look, See”
He turns around again to me
And the silent storm
The colour of tide we all call warm
And I see the shadow of another day
The ashes that burnt away
It’s me too
I look back again to you
Two eyes that peer
And in that moment, crystal clear
Subtle defeat
In the sound of my own heartbeat

Movement

The wayfaring stranger
The wandering soul
The infinite sky
The dark black hole
You move like the sea
You breathe like the air
You love like fire
And just being there
You lit up my life
Like a starshot stream
You woke up the lion
And ended the dream
You left like the night
Before the dawn
And what can’t be seen
Is never gone

Image Credit: @partyrosalipsx https://pin.it/wjwfj4qwnfl275

The Christ

https://open.spotify.com/track/5i2JGF65pHKSfMEjSMrBC3?si=5zbZax1WRja5ZgId1BxKEw

My Lord and Saviour
The light Supreme
The cracking sound
That wakes the dream
And I have laboured
In darkness too
In shadows and
Miles away from you
But you always come
And take my hand
Tell me softly
You understand
That life is trials
Adversity
But when you look
There will I be
And I went to the city
Hungry with life
Ambitions were
Just out of sight
And I reached my hand
But I never could
Catch hold of something
I call good
Til I’m back on my knees
Pleading to the sky
I saw beautiful
Shine from his eye
I saw commonplace
I saw unique
Felt silence that
No sound could speak
And my devotion is the answer
The steady beating tide
The heart inside my soul
That keeps the love alive
And I didn’t find Jesus in the pews
Or in all of my good deeds
I found him in the rain
And it’s all I’ll ever need

Dust

Kissing dust at the edge of the sky
The feeling of wanting to both live and die
As I come apart slowly in your hands
Salty water where sea meets the sands
And there are no firestorms here
Only candlelight and your breath in the mirror
To quench the fog I’ve held for so long
To bring me back to where I belong
Resting as always by your side
Within is without and I am alive
Now that I know what I’ve kept at bay
The something inside that’s not going away

Image Source: https://pin.it/elju6ednwy7wob

For What Its Worth

I love you, I screamed, like the desperate woman
Christ alive, what am I doing!!!
“Oh, my God, she hates me” replied he in kind
(Only in his mind)
We are telepathic
At least that’s how I’m coming at it
Because the crazy seems much less intense
When I get reasons about the extent
Of our demise
When I close my eyes
And hear
What he couldn’t say
To me that day
And the going away
Is gone
Because I was wrong
About him
Within

Investigative Journalism

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I know I can be a little abrasive
But if we’re talking flaws then you are evasive
Always dodging the questions I ask
Deciphering answers is quite a task
But one that I love to enjoy
You know I’m a girl? You’re just a boy
And you could never reach the tower I height
But if you are nice I’ll let you alright
And the view can be a double time
Instead of the solitary that is mine
Because being the best is a lonesome thing
When there’s no one to sit with you while you sing
And if you wouldn’t mind taking part…..
I’ll give you my jacket if you give me your heart

Question Marks

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How does he forgive me, each and every time?
How, I wonder silently, how is he still mine?
And inclines his head just so against the sill
Of my shoulder bone that I would hold until
Eternity all vanished back into that state
And the heavens disappeared to illuminate
That the Now that we own, the Now that we have
Is all we ever need and now I am sad
To think that all this time I could have been afloat
Instead of plugging holes in a lonely boat
Fighting to stay up when sinking’s what I am
He doesn’t look away, he just holds my hand
And meets me by the eye and breaks it in a smile
Why, says he to me, am I worth the while?

Aries

giphy

If you can’t handle my volcanic ash
Then I’m sorry my friend but you better stand back
Because I’m all lava spewing
And I know just what I’m doing
When I string the bow and arrow fire
You said you love to take it higher
And deeper than the dark profound
Is the ocean when you’re around
And the reason that you do attract
Is the velocity you send back
Not taken as a dark subtract
But the echoing that I lack

Crystal Eyes

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When they decide that love is outlawed
I hide in the shadows so I amn’t caught
Spreading affection like butter on toast
I love them all but you the most
Because you have eyes that sparkle the sun
And when they meet mine I am undone
In the purity of a perfect night
The crystals reflecting the sunlight
And now I wonder to myself all the time
If it was a sin to call you mine
For a bird on the wing was born to be free
And you owe nothing to me
Except in being your own sweet self
I noticed the Lord and I knelt
To the beauty in your refrain
I just wish it wasn’t caused by pain

Freedom, Freedom

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“I break chains all by myself
Won’t let my freedom rot in hell
Imma keep runnin’
Coz a winner don’t quit on ’emselves”

***

Its the sheer indignation
That captivity could be love
And they hold it out to you
Like a hand in a glove
Such a beautiful cage
Here I have prepared
All you must do is enter
Then you will always be there
So I smile and I sidle
Over to the door
I take out my chainsaw
And the cage is no more
And the look of devastation
To see their brittle bars
Shattered on the floor
Of who do you think you ares
But I know what I am
And I know who I’ll be
Go find somebody else
Because I am free

The Supposition of Masculine Power

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The supposition of masculine power, where ownership is key
About five minutes in, I realise it’s me
That they are drawing down, that they are pulling in
And I have to back off because I love Him
The symbol of freedom, the symbol of love
I have always been captivated by God above
The ever present hero in the midnight of my soul
Who lifts me when I’m down and remakes me whole
And I can stay as friends or even as a bro
But I can never be your chick, your girl, your ‘ho
Coz I’ve found something better, so far beyond the pale
And my integrity is not up for sale
You say there is no price, you say that all is free
Then you question why I will not trade my dignity
So if you love me sideways, then you can love head on
Don’t hate my beautify and wonder why I’m gone
For I stand the ground I own and I own what I am
Maybe this is why it never goes to plan…..
Or maybe it’s that I am just too hard to hold
I’m always diamond mining and searching for gold
Always staring at the sea to Moana the age
Or Atlantify, hiding in a cave

Mindfully

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All I want is a little space to be me
Space to breathe with dignity
And not have to explain
Why I stand for hours under the rain
Because I love the sky in purpled hues
As much as you love deeper blues
And you tell me I must move to the beat
But I love the stillness in my defeat
And sigh
I am not tormented by goodbye
But recognise
All that lives surely dies
As a sunrise must set
I must be born into the jet
Black of another night
Before the orb will reignite
And all I ask is space to contemplate
Without being hushed out of that state
And told and told again and again
Please go back to remember when
When you were bustling and unique
But I was crying beneath the sheets
Because I could never measure up
To the standard of love
And when I let it go
I didn’t change, I just came to know
That I as I am is more than enough
I hope you can recognise me, dove

Collateral Beauty

I’m angry at you for stealing time
From me with you that should be mine
Before death takes you finally
I want to have you here with me
To love and to have and hold
I want to see you growing old
And grey haired man the boy I met
I promise I will not forget

Mercy

When you get knocked down do you ever consider staying on the floor
Let everyone else continue their war
While you use eyes to stare at stars
You can only see because you’re in the dark
And give yourself time to contemplate
Why you always return to this repetitious state
And if it says something about who you should be
That you’ve only been escaping from dignity
In silent stillness on the ground
You find the peace that’s all around

Kissing the Sky

Funny feeling that though he may not want me I am still okay
And that I can survive on the love of every day
From the plants, from the trees and nonetheless from him
For though he may deny it I know it beats within
In blood and in veins that are solid gold
But so are mine I see, though I have not been told
To look and revolutionise the vision of my palms
I am the lake, the ocean and these are my calms
No enforced stability, no discipline held high
Just the truth of a being that knows something that can’t die
And sees it in the rushing movement of the leaves
All the world is heaven to one who needs nothing to believe
And smile to myself, in a secret, silver fold
I never knew the universe was there for me to hold
In its peril and its fantasy, it’s motion and the tide
I am the evidence of the thing you’ve never tried
So sincerely honest in the feelings that maintain
That there lies beneath a sunlight that will overcome the pain

You Wanna Dance With Me?

All my family agree that you’re bad news
And have me paired up with a different pair of shoes
That never seem to walk the line surmised
Or pass the test when he’s been breathalysed
But he’s better and healthier from the outside
And all they want is a decent compromise
That’s so tempting just to fulfil
Even if it is against my will
Because your cocaine blues somehow conspire
To set my traitor’s heart afire
Send my pulse hammering in my veins
As I spit into your face and you leave tear stains
So wrong, so inconceivably wrong
That you make me feel as though I belong
With your violent aggression cloaked so shy
Into a look that only I can spy
And smile at because I know it means
That I’m the only one to burst your seams
And send you reeling universal
Into a cosmic hole of dispersal
As the midnight claims both our souls
I’d rather die by the number your dice rolls
Than live with the certainty that exists
When I survive on what my love resists
A truth and unfailingness to see
That though I hate it, you’re it for me.

Scealta na Laochra

I dreamt the other night you sang to me in Irish because that is our native tongue
And the words were tripping out of your lips with every line you sung
And you were seated in a chair with that smig you used to have
And I thought when I looked at you I’d never wanted anything so bad
But it was only a Snapchat video on a Facebook screen
And when I checked the app account you had added me
Though God knows how you knew my name, some things are a mystery
And the light shone golden on your face, in a kitchen making history
As I revelled in repeat as social media is wont to do
It gave me access to another secret part of you
How lifelike and how real, how stolen from the sky
But I woke up in my room with only the memory of your eyes
As my mother called to me about what I need to do
I wish I could fall back asleep so I could be there with you
And even virtual reality inside an imagination
Is better than the reality of our silent situation
As we face off across the world with miles in between
I keep my feelings a secret and you don’t acknowledge me
But throw paper planes into the air to see where they will land
I always thought it would be you to revolutionise a band
And fling the hysterical out into the crowd
As they all scream for you while I read aloud
The stories on the edge of what you have longed to speak
Set to an electric guitar and a motherfucking beat
But now you wear a suit or casual sweater vests
While I pile on eyelinered black and live out what you suggest
But does that make me love you less or change the way I feel
I used to be self contained before you chose to steal
My ability to decide where my love resides
And I cannot control my heart as long as you’re alive
And I don’t see you ending anytime soon
As long as I have blood to pump I will belong to you
In your incandescent glory and innocent obliviousness
I’ll swear an oath of
fealty with the moon as my witness
In the darkness of tomorrow that’s living in tonight
Is aoibheann liom do gra, my love, I hope that is alright
Ta tu go hiontach, I bhfírinne, an bhfuil se ceart go leor
Más mian tú Dia fein, I couldn’t love you more
Even though you deleterious out all over me
Tús maith leath na hoibre, seo mar a bhí.

Moody Blues

I have the FOMOODs, I can’t tell you what that means
Only that it is full of all my could have beens
That I spied on my head when I lay directly under
Stars of your making, just behind the thunder
In a field full of grass because I’m not afraid of rain
I got to see the sky held beneath the pain
And the smile that cracks the sunlight in your eyes
I was there to see the truth so don’t tell me that it’s lies
Because you can’t explain your way out of an escape
And I could be your hero, with or without the cape
Though I do not claim to fly or burn bullets with my vision
I can see right through you and do so with precision
As you surreptitiously suppose things that may come to be
You may not know it yet but you’re still looking for me
In all of the crevices and clothes that you pile under
You can’t run away now that I have your number
To ring up and to dial like I am death himself
We’re only counting days until we see there’s something else
So whatever you may find I know that it will ring
The bells of a tomorrow when you give me everything
And sacrifice your soul on the alter of this love
All I want is you and what you pointed out above
So, letters to the incomplete that never get returned
What do you do with them, after reading are they burned?
For what could you want with the musing of a child
Unless I was right and you’re not just in my mind
But real and exist beyond the combings of the ether
You got me alone so it gave me a breather
To know what it was like against my worser will
To stand by your side, fearfully still
Afraid to even move to disturb the interruption
Of the volcano that you are in the midst of my corruption
Of the wild flowers in fields, so delicately strong
They outlast the others that are long since gone
In all my misery and in all your fevered might
I think you held my heart and I let you see the light
That pulses to a beat that I cannot contain
Though it just gets louder when I feel that you’re in pain
Til crumbling and falling like a building to the ground
I pray for a silence to overtake the sound
But just like you, I cannot unhear
The power of the presence that I felt draw near
When we wore matching soles to skip across the dust
I used to believe in God, now you’re where I place my trust
And I know that in time you will give in to see
What has always been, before you, finally

Photo Credit: http://pin.it/N_HlOaR

Balance

I find love in your sad eyes and you don’t know I see it there
As you pierce through to me it makes me start to care
And it helps that you’re good looking with the linings of a beard
But even if you weren’t your soul is why I’m here
To capitalise as you put it on who just sat beside
And I know that we just met but I’m glad that you’re alive
To pour your peculiar poetry into my brain
I don’t know if you think about the clouds behind the rain
As you try to understand what you fail to see
I didn’t admit you got it right when you pinpointed me
But I had to smile through the unsettling of being called out
Because I trust your innocence and I love what you’re about
And I’m loath to leave as I’m sure you can tell
As I fail to turn away from you when you ask me to aswell
Because you’re just too interesting and this moment is holy
And I can’t involve myself with them when I’m looking for you only
As you spread out on the seat with the lines that you attach
I thought I had lost my love but it always comes back
And I’m focused with intent on knowing who you are
As you dance around the riverbed you do not see the star
That is shining on your head and guiding me to you
You saw that I’m alone but I think you are too
Though you’re so extravagant, you’re sincerely warm
And I would like to hold your hand sailing through this storm
Of life as it moves, the continuum you say
And I would like to be with you if that is okay
And I know that you are younger and friends with recompense
But I don’t see why I should walk away from the things you meant
As you do not hide it well and I don’t think you intend
By your side I thought you could do with a friend
To stand by your soul and I guess I could be her
I would have come sooner but I didn’t know where you were
Or the name of someone who vehemently existed
I’ve spent too long along the lines of the hearts I have resisted
And so, no more, no more, I will reach my hand to you
I’ll take you from this place if you want me to
With the noise and the exploding of the people who do not mean
Half of what they say they do and change who they have been
So hold my eyes my friend because I am missing you
And feeling your absence in the place the wind blows through
And I think of how funny and how awesome it is
To find your compatible to be the same as his
As you’re sitting over chairs and tobacco in a room
I thought the night was over but I thought it too soon
So ever present angel as you effervesce the sky
Please come back into my arms so that I know why
I need so very badly something I cannot have
I lost it all when I lost him and that’s why I’m feeling bad

 

 

Purchase Order

That was never what I wanted anyway
A purchase order to make you stay
A sacrifice to buy me time
On your arm or in your mind
And now comes the chorus of regular love
That pales in comparison to all of the above
That doesn’t make me sign away
A life inside the music box you play
But it is pale blue and pastel
Where you took it all and me as well
Into a chasm or ocean deep
Full of the secrets that we keep
Even now, so many miles from here
There’s a boundary line and we keep clear
From the rushing silver of an oncoming train
And the pounding pictures in our brain
That regurgitate long worn down facts
About loving someone who doesn’t love you back
That fit us both just at different times
And when I wanted you you weren’t mine
But bulletproof and cascading
The storm you’ve spent your life evading
As I see the corner of your eye
That doesn’t want to speak but dares me to try
Against your insolent up in arms
We both took walks in the surrounding farms
Down the alleyways of country lanes
Feeling out of place with peculiar pains
That tell me, tell me something’s missing
That its your face I should be kissing
The man I love, the only one
I was there when the world begun
With your hand slotted right into the ridge
Of my knuckle bones, that’s the way it is
From now until forever ends
Our destiny clashes where the line bends
And with collision force of love crossed stars
To lose it all when I lose my heart
Because now I’m sworn to another
Well I was all along and you’re still my brother
As we simile at the infraction
You gain ground to keep traction
As landslide goes your house and home
I know that you are all alone
Though the fire’s warm and crackles the hearth
No one answers when you call the dark
But hang up when you lift the phone
I know the feeling though it isn’t shown
So smile in that photograph you take
I’ll be here when you wake

Small Wonder

There are some things you cannot deny
Like a love that will never die
Like honesty and what is right within
You cracked my exoskeleton
Thin into a little strands
That broke apart into your hands
And smiling as you realised
You held it all in the tears you cried
That could never be wrong or crossing the line
I think you and I will be just fine
As we make a bloodless, solemn pact
That we will always come back
To this place we share and each other
I love you, darling, my soul brother
As we’re held together by more than thread
You show your fragility instead
Of the angry exterior wall
Of strength and impressions fall
As I realise that you are him
I’ll never have to look again

Stuttered Ignition

Love breaks bones and makes you appreciate pain
Finding someone worth suffering for through the rain
And you grow forests from the seeds in your hands
But there is one thing you do not understand
That I loved you more than you could ever love me
And I left to spare your dignity
I was the one to walk away you see
So you could have all you’re meant to be
And it hurt but I’m an anchor and I would drag you down
Turn that magnificent smile into a frown
Hold you in place so you cannot move
Because you’re what I’m afraid to lose
So, I let you leave though you told me you were going
You were like a sea creature I sent to the ocean
Made you take steps though you double doubted
The implications of words that I shouted
I could see it in your face, the indecision, and I had to be cold
Turn my face away from what I want to hold
Though you are beating my heart
And every move you make tears me apart
Why am I so alone?
How did you get into my home
This way, like it was a common feat
Like you had never tasted defeat
Didn’t even think it, didn’t hesitate
You just read the patterns I had made on my plate
Horrified and thrilled, I thought maybe
You were the one who could get the best of me
See through the war I made with myself
Tell me it didn’t matter, there is no one else
But you were human and unsure and you don’t hold the blame
I set fire to everything that touched my name
And you, only you, did not burn
That’s the lesson that I learned

…………….I love you

Front to Bottom

I didn’t want to admit you were right about me
Cause it hurt too much that you had seen the truth
And you were willing to give me all of you
In recompense for what had happened to me
And I said no
I can do it alone
I don’t need you, I don’t need anyone
I’m just fine
And it was sort of true but a lie at the time
Cause when you matched puzzle pieces right to the marks I had made on my skin
I said no, I don’t want to let you in
And when you said “I would do just about anything for you”,
I turned you away because I knew you would
And I would lose you some day one way or another
Through my fault or your own or death taking us under
And I couldn’t let it in
No, I couldn’t let it in
Cause a world without you does not exist
And I want to do more than merely subsist
And now you don’t love me cause I threw it away
Well you sorta do, in the back of your mind kind of way
Cause you love everyone, even though you hate them passionately
You just wanna grow into all you’re meant to be
And I know you will
Well you already have
Why does it feel so bad?

Man in Black

Depression takes everything you have, it’s a lot like death
And when it hits you you do not forget
Are forever changed, forever moved
And, dare I may say it, greatly improved
So can I be a spokesperson for the darkness within
It’s not all bad though I didn’t tell him
And I am sunlit because I know
night
Even more so than that, I know something is right
Cause they are both just opposing sides of a coin
Lesser and greater eventually join
Into one river that leads to the sea
I am so proud of who I’ve come to be
I feel mountainous when speaking to you
When you try to help me to talk it through
I just smile at your innocentness
To think you could undo the cause of my distress
Like you could unmake the blue of the sky
Like you could raise eyes and make them un-die
But what is seen can never be taken back
So for now, I’ll be the man in black
Til all of the colours bleed into the sink
I will be the absence that makes you think
And skip a beat when you see my peace
Fearless in the face of what will decease
Because this world is just building on snow
I am of another and that’s where I go
So don’t pity the rook that sits in the tree
Wild things have wings and know how to be free
Accepting their fate on the breeze as it comes
It called for me and I have succumbed
Don’t worry your mind into the grey
I was born to be this way
No, there’s nothing wrong as far as I can see
So thank you but I’ll pass on what you offer me
And you may never understand
But there’s a design consciousness has planned
I have grown to compassionately embrace
The canvas collection fear will deface
But love will multiply whatever you give her
You can’t blame the rocks for shaping the river