If you’re logged in I hope you see The monument You are to me And I’m looking up You’re looking down And babe we could run this town If it was a two by two I’m getting a home ready for you As I make the tea And we find our way when we can’t see And maybe it is wrong To covet the fold But the path you walk Is solid gold As arms wrap around Did you hear the sound Of our silence dear Isn’t the water pretty clear When it’s still in a pond And, no, I amn’t gone Just waiting in the wings And my heart it sings For you, my love You set the fire, I’ll free the dove
The sound of you Has echoed through these halls And it’s bringing down barriers And cavernous walls Until all is a grand open space With not one instant of my time gone to waste And I hit pause in 2011 All because the sound of Heaven Was just too damn real And you’re not the boy I want to steal Away with into the night But you came close to it, alright And I spill ink on the canvas I draw I’m like the cold witch and my bones start to thaw In the sunlight you bequeath And I guess I’m embarrassed so I stare at my feet But you turn my face upward with your palm You look at me and I am calm I’m the storm that surround You are worth the way it resounds And leaves me feeling like friend is ancient I’m an artist and I try to paint it But it never lives up to what you are A feeble try to condense a star Into matter and fusion But it was just confusion To say I don’t love you so And I just want you to know That you crack the glass with your smile And I dream of you for a little while But it is real as can be I took the biscuit but just dip it in tea
I’ll be the clarion call To let the demons out The things that people suffer under The fear, my dear, self doubt And they locked me up in ashes But I still was free Coz even though they do their best They can’t get the best of me
And the clock ticked, did it go back Am I getting enough of slumber And but for the men I loved I woulda been just a number In that place where the halls have eyes And everyone walks tiptoe It’s eggshells we’re treading on So that you might not know
And I had a bed and my own room It was number sixteen And I’ve been dealing with this kind of shit Since I realized the dream As I hop on a hopscotch Afraid to cross the line Is there a difference between being here And doing hard time
And I hid out in the activity room Rifling through a storm I hope they might not find me That’s how I kept the candle warm But they did and told me so There was a place to greet But I’m moving dough with my hands Can’t make it move my feet
And the third time I was in there Barry called my name He asked if he could speak to me, if it was all the same But he was laughing sideways Out of the corner of his mouth He thinks that he might have a clue As to what I’m all about And, God love him, he was precious But he set the dial to spin So I called the shots and called it off Walked out of the room with him
And, the laughter, it was breaking like a wave upon the shore I left the card on my desk so that it might love me more And my sides they’d split with Aoibhínn coz she was such a hoot She talked me out of dangerously quiet as I stood mute
And I drew an eye on the wall in the smoking room It was a lot more like freedom than it was the bells of doom And they only scrubbed it out a year later and I see There was a part of them that loved a part of me Or with a certain fondness I recall what they say It’s not the present moment but you will be okay So I crumpled up the paper and threw it in the bin Conceded defeat coz you know I cannot win
And the monuments of time will fall beneath the sea But there’s something eternal that beats the heart of me And I can’t put my finger on it or tell you what it is Only suffice to say that being born is not to live Beyond the realms of death In the halls that I vacate I think they had me wrong Coz I love the thing they hate
And summon up a showstorm In the dead of the night The sun that is within me Can’t help but be bright As all I ever am And all I’ll ever be I can’t bring myself to regret That I asked you to dance with me
I unlock my phone And Chocolate opens Like a heart that’s in the hand you’re holding And you’re too sweet to be believed You’ve been hiding nothing up your sleeve Only an endless free terrain And I’ve spent years studying your pain From afar And Teresa named a star After me So somewhere out there my shine you’ll see Under ever present heavens We were both born on elevens And so I tick my clock Wondering what it is you’re not In all that you claim to be You were my favorite song to see
I was something And I could see A new and different version of me And it’s come to pass That I have come to ace the class Of transformation Coz they flick the tv station But the score Is always I want more Than what is But I am His And I found in life A reflection of his beauty In a man and it’s my duty To explain that I See through the body that die Into the effortless supreme I gasped and it woke the dream
Death, looming like a great paragon on the horizon I don’t know what to take a side on But I know I can’t stay on the fence Or civilization will be in the past tense As we see the aching Colosseum stand for war But it crumbles in the end because of what it’s for And we hear the machine gun roll But they can’t kill the soul And it will come round to embrace The very worst of the human race Til we’re all tended like wheat in the field The wind shakes the barley and it yield To the power of peace and benevolence As we watch the rhythm dance Like a song across the grass The only truth in my life is that Love last And in the oceans that span a sea There’s a depth to you and me That no wonder can contain Let’s wake without the pain To prompt us to stir Do you even know what we were As we wear that t-shirt too I was born in the moment I met You
She’s been keeping me In her captivity But I, my love, Am born to be free She’s been keeping me In her secret den But I break out Over and over again And it’s not for want Of love nor money It’s just that I Can’t be that, honey Not as hard as I try To contain I’m a cloud that must Come down as rain And I love you In my deepest core It’s just I can’t Hold back anymore This awning gap Within my soul I must let go And be whole Though it doesn’t change My feelings deep It’s just a promise God must to keep To restore me To what I was before There’s a lot In and out of store There’s a lot to be And to know I long to see So I must go Off to that Far distant shore But I’m right here And I’ll always adore Exactly what You are to me Captivity Has been set free
The myth of myself I rivet the dawn And make preparations For when it is all gone Coz it won’t last forever This person that I’ve made You only know the sun When you’re standing in the shade You only know the midnight Because come the dawn You wake up to the instant That you truly belong
Imma bounce Like a cat about to pounce Or the people you denounce Coz I just can’t stay still in chains I look up to the sky and it rains Open air and fresh water blues You know the breeze smells of you Like fresh grass or school in the nineties era Kind of scary and I feared ya When you looked deeply into me What is it that you see Coz your eyes are golden And no one would believe me even if I’d told em But you stay still and silent as the grave I never knew my own power to save With my mere presence alone Now you’re just on the other end of a phone And I followed every line you dropped Til the moment when it just stopped And I couldn’t contain the rush Is it now we get to touch Coz we seem separated by a million miles But I could never pay for one of your smiles It radiates like a frequency to burn I swear you make the world turn
I’ve never spoken of my feelings for you And I don’t know why And I’m always scared You’re gonna die Coz I hold you so dear But you’re never near And I don’t think you understand I never had any of this planned And I know you’ve got a life And its unreasonable to think a wife Is what I could be It’s borderline delusional a history But I’ve gotta speak this longing in my heart The reverberations start When you’re near the scene And the fabric of my dream Starts to shimmer Did you use the dimmer Switch coz the light in here Is gone all moody and I fear That I may be for you over again I’m fascinated by other men But you hold this draw Like you’re the rule and the cosmic law Pulls me to your door Don’t you love me anymore?
They walked away from the town they knew And Longford’s not the same without you The streets are grey, the skies are dull And my skin’s as thin as cotton wool And I still remember where we left that day In the car park with nothing to say So I wrapped my arms around your waist But you had to go, make haste And for that whole week I was delirious Shooting hoops so serious I sat on the floor by the kitchen sink And my stomach did flips to barely think Of you somewhere with a phone To reach into my alone And make it two So I can be lonely with you And then I saw you again at the battle of the bands I didn’t know where to place my hands So I ran off to the restroom I knew I had to come out sometime soon And that you would be waiting There’s no hating Just a vague terror for you to see What resides at the heart of me But I stood my ground on a screen Willing to be truly seen Did you feel my soul Reach out across the coal You walk upon I’m not gone But here in the room we know I did not let you go But hold you in my heart so true I stare to say I’ve been waiting for you
We can’t take one moment for granted Nothing’s guaranteed Life ends in death We rely on the blood we bleed To keep the body going I look out the window And the sky is snowing Everything lending itself to another The rain is frozen And I lost a brother In the storm The river flowed I may have taken the less travelled road But it wasn’t for the good of my health And it sure as hell hasn’t given me wealth Except an inner gratitude And a reliance on the dude That runs the show Is there something I should know Or do I just apt predict So worried that I make myself sick And have to be revolved on medication There’s no point lying about my tv station And if I’m off them for long I start to feel like I don’t belong To even the human race at all I drink it in at the waterfall And run, simply run down the hall Of the institution I became part of Resident of guarded love And I hate but I also care Feel the torment start to tear At the edifice I’ve built I don’t know why but I wilt Under the glare of a heavy sun And I’m always looking for the one Who might make my stars shine bright But the blade became my kryptonite As it etched in stone what my heart would write Only to feel the pull of the tide The breath that means I am alive As I drag my body out of the morass I waken up when I am in class And revive to a certain degree Ten years to know it’s not just me Who feels this way And there needs to be a conversation About what it means to stay And guidance from the ground About the people you always want around Do you hear the triangle ping I let go and give up everything
We’re on the frontier of a new design And it’s not like I can call anything mine As we switch up the fray And while it’s sunny I’m gonna make hay And set it in store Could you wish for anything more Than grain in the barn And those you love safe from harm As the storm rages And I’m furiously writing pages Coz I’ve just got to get this damn thing down Before the ocean rises and we start to drown Because I cannot quell the tide But I can speak while I’m alive
I remember the chats I used to have With a certain Shane And maybe I shouldn’t mention his name But he made me feel awesome socks I ran away when the door knocks And it’s him asking to be let in And I just shout over the din Of the silence that resounds Sometimes the quiet is the only sound And he’s too quick to doubt belief I stand listening like a thief That would steal away a word Like it’s the best thing I’ve ever heard And we lost the Americans that day on the bus And our friend is where I place my trust As I lean on her arm for support We’ve always had a kind of rapport Ever since that day in Delphi Where we saw the sheep like an elf we Had a vision of the whole land Washing over the waves like sand And she’s taller than I can believe And cooler than I can thieve Away from the sky Something binds us until we die And I hung out with the engineers And found some moments that life endears Me to all and sundry Just don’t look for sunny on a Monday And she’s the one who told me to scrawl My thoughts on the internet like a graffitied wall And I’ve gotta be grateful to her and all As I jumped up to catch the ball And land with running feet To the place where destiny meet It’s tv on the radio and all I see Is you throwing shapes at me
Live strong And let the beat hold the song Up where there are no lies From the mutant in disguise And maya does it’s best to capture But you have me in a state of rapture Ringing bells from on high And I am not afraid to die Coz it’s just a veil that we pass through Fr. P said that when we lost you To a sudden and sharp But we’re not alone in the dark We’re held somewhere we can’t contemplate And no one is locked out of that state And I’ve been knocking on the door But it was open and I adore The freedom that has come to reign Like I’ve been kissed by the pain Til all that once held a stain Washed away in sheets of rain That just pour from the sky The ground is nourished when clouds cry So why should I fear my own tears For it has been many years In a silent solitary slumber But the Divine is not going under No matter how I bury my soul Waves only know how to roll
There’s nothing love can’t do It somehow brought me to you And in our chasm call Though we fight and the wall Seems to rise between us Baby, you couldn’t even dream up This kind of love And I’m five and the dove Flies overhead Warding off the resident dread To come again another day Do I just get in your way Or are we okay Because I fly And I know you die In a room alone God damn, just look at your phone And you will find me there A digital realm of true care To vanquish the pain What was lost we can never gain But an aside I am alive And so are you So there’s really nothing stopping us two
Find your way back to me Make future history And stories we can tell the grandchildren That gather round the hearth And what you save for me in the dark And you can tell her she’s welcome too Or I am with her and you It’s just I can’t write this off And it’s not a sunk cost But something I’d invest in Even if it didn’t win And there have been trees in the forest of me Falling onto pine needle dignity As they hold me against my will And all of my senselessness spill Into hilarity I’m laughing at the thought of you and me On my bed in a chasm And I love that she still has him Coz they look so perfect together And d’ya know it’s lovely weather For a sky to break And I’m counting every breath I take Coz they’re numbered And have you ever wondered Just what’s fueling your love affair Don’t you feel me there In lashes and guilt and opening doors Are men too quick to call women whores For being connected to another dimension And this is just a logical extension Of the need to be Quintessentially free Did I learn from my degree That she In effervescent tones Sparkles when you’re all alone And diamonds can’t buy what’s given Some people survive and call it living And I gotta say I can’t save this for another day But anyway Hit me up, if that’s okay?
I envisioned the whole scene
It was like a fuckin dream
Where I had the central role
And what's up for grabs is my soul
As I ride the subway train
Or walk Kilglass in the rain
Somehow it's all the same
I flash my metro card
And some guy helped me coz it was hard
To figure out as I traipse down the stairs
Wondering if anyone cares
And I know she does but she's got laws
It's winter and the summertime thaws
Out the vestibules of old sand
Pearls out of what was underhand
And I divide the spoils I've earned
But all my profit only burned
What was left of me
The remnants an effigy
Of a spiral diagram I sketched
But the problem hit and I retched
And sought salvation in a clinic
It looks fine from the outside but once you're in it
You come to know that there are rules
That I can't ace like I did in school
So I sit in the music room
Abject to the sound of doom
Or wander down the hall
As the world explodes from it all
How do you say kunalini, one, two, three
But they don't listen to me
We gotta draw the line (I tell him I’m fine) But he insists that I Am too distressed not to die And I try to fight But he blows out the candlelight So I’m just fumbling in the dark For a torch in the park And it’s no place to be in times like these And St. Pat’s brought me to my knees And I want to fly in the face Of what they swear is my disgrace And I disagree But his degree Is not in conflict resolution And he seeks the dissolution Of this state of mind But look at what I’d leave behind If I just left you there With no one watching and no one to care As I muck it out in the trenches They call my name when I’m sitting on benches My place to make a scene And this vision is a dream But I will make it real I pay back what I steal I a hundred pound notes I’m Gandhi or at least one of his quotes
I looked out the window
I watched for the tide
With news from the sea
That you might be alive
And I can't preempt destiny
Or run with the wolves
I've just got this awesome
And hot damn it pulls
Me like a thread
Through a needle eye
I just wait for news
And hope you don't die
Somewhere afar
Where I can't reach you
Life said, love, listen
And let the truth teach you
Coz I can't be a summer
When winter has dawned
I can't be the clock face
That someone has pawned
For gold or money
Or just getting by
I know life is hard
But I've gotta try
To find the flow
That runs a river
I know I've been gone
But could you forgive her
For the fear in her blood
It runs in her veins
And it's not easy
To erase the stains
That come from a life
Of denying truth
It's almost too much
The paragon of youth
As I finally come round
The smelling salts
Wake me and take me
As my nose assaults
My senses with something
That's meant to rouse
I don't mean to disappoint
I want to make you proud
I see the faraway shore
Beckoning me to something more
And I understand
That nothing good can be planned
As we grow up
Like a tree
It's not up and over
But organically
And there's enough food
To feed each child
Enough land
To let the animals roam wild
And did we build this monstrosity
That is growling in my face
I have to speak up
For the human race
Coz we're going down
And if we don't shift
The present moment
Won't be a gift
But an encumbrance
That we bear
I feel the fabric
Start to tear
As the seam
Is pulled to the edge
Don't let the money
Go to your head
As you earn and as we burn
The stifling and the axis turn
That leads us down a narrow path
Makes me wonder what we might be at
To poach the seas til they run dry
To pour the concrete til the soil die
And I've got this hefty weight to carry
Will I bear children and marry
But all I hear are the cries of the damned
And all the innocents no one understands
So if I've a prayer
It's help me, God
Live with Love
And not the rod
That snaps down on a soft palm
They say that there's an unearthly calm
Before the tidal wave
So take the noise as a sign to save
While we still have time
What is your path
Coz I know mine
The flow of superfluity
Allows me to write
But do I stand up
For what I know is right
Coz there's ancient eons
Creaking with the weight
There are girls crying out
Like they're on a first date
And the man has just
Produced a pistol
I can't hide from
All the vitriol
That just pours through
So I try to compose
A letter to you
So that you might know
That from where I'm standing
The world and its discontents
Can be too demanding
But I don't fail
At the final hurdle
I just shift my stance
Like I'm playing wordle
And there is no monument
Or mountain to climb
That's out of reach
Of the Sublime
So I'll just keep my breath
Like it's a tic tac toe
But I'll be true
Always, you know
I’ve got fire in my blood I’ve got lava in my veins I bite back every time You think the sunshine rains And I don’t hate the male I embrace the masculine I’m female and I’m awesome Yeah, I’m doing just fine But sometimes there’s a crack In the facade that I’ve built The light gets through the walls And the damn thing is willed As bitterness dissolves Into an ocean of peace I hold on so tight Only to find a just release
How do I describe that time in my life I’m fourteen and there is strife But something pierces through me It’s as though I can suddenly see What’s before me on the page I’m kicking back and burning sage In my window dressing by the sea The moment when God touched me With Her ephemeral light Says, get up, kid, you’ll be alright And all of a sudden the night was done You can’t fear the dark when you know the sun And it came to me like a breeze or chill Says, move it, girl, or I will And forever was a mountain I couldn’t move So many exams and so much to prove But I won’t be writing for the Longford Leader I’ll be spinning yarns so you’ll believe her And time has passed But that time will always last As I scream my breath out into the air And find something real that is there More than what pulls away Like cobwebs at the break of day Filled with few in the morning light But transparent and alright Catching rays and bending frames Being so much more than their names Like I did in first class I woke up and it kicks ass!
In 2007 I saw you on the stage That was the year before I start to age And grow into the skin I’ve earned I touched the sun and, baby, I was burned Though it’s as though I’m lit from within And in the time before I still knew him In my thoughts, in my words, in the page You dance before me like it’s all the rage And I take a note out of your book I think forever deserves a second look
Getting drunk in the city Darragh’s cute and Johnroy is witty And Liosa and Isabelle are so pretty Im too smart and that’s a pity And I feel lost in the move of the club Marian holds my hand as we walk round the pub And it’s a sprawling mess but it’s divine The days UCD was mine And I did less learning than ever before Don’t you see how the sun lit up the floor As we did a skit about being D4 I’d never been that sassy before But it only made us closer as a group And I was just sitting on the stoop When he laughed and told a joke And he smiles so I don’t have to cope With this damn state of mind that’s dragging me under He is the clouds But I am the thunder And I just rumble Into the town that we own He’s older than me But you never would’ve known As he bought me a drink That said don’t think Too much about those things He makes a face and my heart sings He throws his arm casually round my shoulder And I feel I’ve just dropped the boulder That I’ve been rolling up this hill He lets me see his heart at will It’s lockdown and I’m thinking of him Wondering if he kept that grin And nothing burns like gasoline You’re the fire in my dream And I never told you what you wanted me to Could you see that I love you? And he probably has a furnace to build He’s the red in my heart and it cannot be filled With the memory of what we were Can I present tense the moment I’m her As we’re running down aisles and chasing down stars And Rob, you know, he plays guitars And I just wish I could be involved Coz this damn problem’s never solved But I wouldn’t change it, because we met I hold a space in my soul for you yet
There are so many things In life that pass away Made me ask Does anything stay And I found in the dark An unbeatable light It’s shines through the veil Til everyone’s alright And it’s taking to task The body I walk Makes me speak Not merely talk And it loves and it cares But it is detached Unlocks the door Even when it’s latched It goes up and over Here and beyond Answers questions Like a dumb blonde With the smarts I looked it’s way And suddenly it starts To shine For the whole world to see Don’t you know It’s not about me But about the fabric Becoming paper thin He saw the real So I let him in
You can’t stop the slow march of time You can only reveal the effortless sublime And Obama sang for yes we can But could the answer really be a man Who could lead us all to peace But it gets worse before the trouble cease And we all clamber, fighting the tide Did you notice you’re alive Or are you so lost in the stream That you don’t see beyond the edges of the dream As it binds you with its swell So much so that you can’t tell What is true or supposition Til pain hits you with its ammunition And we have got to learn how to deal With the fabric that Reality steal To make into a dress or suit And is Truth a just pursuit?
The spiders travel slowly down my windowpane
And if I lose is there something to gain
Coz I see you over there, from afar
You're radiant, a celestial star
And I just don't know what you are
But you raise the bar
On all that's yet to come
When you get older you realise that you're still young
On the verge of thirty three
Never realised old age would come to me
Now it's knocking on my door like an old friend
There's a beginning, middle and end
To every story that you ever tell
But if you don't live in the Now you'll never be well
Coz it's all that there is
And I'm still His
As he moves the atoms in waves around
The nucleus with a doppler effect sound
And am I just trying to be smart
I made studying seem like an art
Now I'm ten years past the age I gave up
On the institution I used to love
But it brought me somewhere I've never been
Something I couldn't even think to dream
And I always thought I'd be a writer
But I hate conflict so please don't fight her
And if there's something to say
Could you please utter it in a kind way
Coz I'm writing with the pen I choose
But I just don't want to lose
As I surrender my voice to the Great Divine
I let go of the life that's mine
To be held in the expansive note
Of a God I can barely quote
Without referring to old wisdom
But I think light might be a prism
When you bend it to refract
I saw the truth, now I can't go back
It was momentary Just a little hint of stardust As we danced to the silence of your heart And I realized we would never be apart That there’s something in your eyes It’s in the movies in disguise And I remember watching Yvaine Soar above the pain In that summer of 08 It was August and every breath that I take Informs me of something new And, honey, it was you
Now you’re far away And weaving in and out between Dancing in Some kind of dream And there are words I don’t utter But when you smile I melt like butter Into a puddle at your feet I’m still absorbed by the way a black hole will meet The light that moves to its own pulse And I must inquire does love repulse Opposite poles like two magnet shapes Did I fall in love or did I forsake
And we’re all at sea in our separate lives We do anything just to survive But I catch you catch hold of my hand Help me into a carriage I don’t understand As it takes me somewhere new There is scenery but it sings of you And the us we could be Or already are like water is free To flow through rather than under And I may have deleted your number But it’s just coz I’m defeated and going under The tidal weight of the ocean we are You caught my eye like a shooting star
I see myself standing on a stage Standing up for that which does not age And we all cascade like a waterfall Into the ocean to enthrall And I don’t know who I’m gonna be I just know the open sea Is pulsing within my veins It doesn’t go by the normal names Just something infinite You know you’ll be alright
Deep in disguise I wade through the water You somebody’s son I’m the moon’s daughter And I slip sideways Out of the scene You were the best part Of my dream And I watched you watch me You took my pic You grabbed the towel And the gear stick Shook in my hand Said goodbye to Sam You said he’ll be grand And I drove you home It was just the two of us All alone And you stopped to stare I stopped the car And met you there And I wonder if I’ll ever see You looking again like that at me As I shared on a screen Some kind of light show I’d tell you the truth If you want me to, you know All the love in my heart And you were a rouge kind of dark As you let the wilderness consume I watch you from across the room
I fight with my femininity It evokes love But I can’t tie myself To any of the above Only open my heart For peace to be shared Open my notebook To say that I cared And that I’m not In this quiet, tight space But dreaming of days When I touch your face Telling you all You mean to me Not closing the door So you can be free And I know that I have put out More than I take back And I have been hobbling Over what I lack But the sight of you Is like a comet true And I’m shaking just thinking Of what I would do If you were mine To have and to keep To wake up beside A good nights sleep And you’re kind and you’re awesome I’ve been keeping you away I look down at my feet Coz I don’t know what to say And you tell me I’m lovely And beautiful He left me empty Now I am full Of a joy that’s brimming Full of trust Can I come in, baby It’s a must And you look at me As if I defy The life I’m leading As some kind of lie But I just wanna be Myself again A woman in A world full of men Telling me how I should contain This heart of mine That’s broken with pain But shining with gold As I repair The parts of myself That knows you are there That knows there is kindness And there is truth More than monuments I’ve built to our youth And nobody knows Or can describe The feeling of loving Breath when you’re alive And I’m haunted by loss And the threat of death Keep living days Full of regret Coz I can’t control The passing of seasons Or people with pride And a bowl full of reasons And is it insincere To proclaim my devotion To the silence In all the commotion As I feel the movement Of a pin drop Signaling winter Or the moment to stop And take in an aside Of all we’re meant to be I didn’t know if you knew So I’m letting you see
You’re running in my blood You’re running in my veins And it’s like the man said That I am strange Coz I just can’t be awful to make a point I’m only messing, don’t knock yourself out of joint In trying to be normal and to fit in I come and go but it’s always him I return back to in the midnight Where there’s no need to ask if you’re alright Coz you are and the stars shine from your sky We’re together forever so there’s no goodbye Waiting in the wings of a terrible dawn When you wake up and realise that it’s all gone Like the boy I loved when I was seventeen But the wind escaped from a terrible dream The one I roll in like the sea When the current is demolishing me Til all and sundry is broken and beaten Like you have you’re cake but it will remain uneaten And I never got to hold his hand But the sight of him sure was grand Til the brutal tide that won’t be surpassed Came at me til I was harassed Trying to get on with half an act It’s like it was fucking awful and I can’t go back To where I was before it began And you become an also ran Til I’m knocking my head against the wall Coz I can find no silence in it all But the peace it came and kissed my face When I was an abject disgrace When nothing could save me from defeat I was run down and knocked off my feet And I try to get back up and walk It’s like telling the wind it has to talk When it can only whisper nothings on the breeze Do you know the feeling when your heart starts to seize And you’ve got nothing but ragged breath Saying to yourself there’s no regret But just one that I ever let you go And another that I never let him know The true depths of feeling that pumps a course My circuitry and the remorse
I’m exhausted fighting the tide Oh what does it mean to be alive Is it treading water or surfing the waves Is it falling down or being brave Coz I cannot seem to find a story When you look at it really that doesn’t adore me As I question every facet of a different hue It’s who I am not what I didn’t do Living on the brink of a well worn facade Diving deep beyond feeling bad And finding the Heaven life has in store You think this is it then it’s a bit more And I don’t draw diagrams for fun I’m all architecture and you’re the one As we build and we break But we own each and every breath that we take And every step that we walk We must be integrity not mere talk But the sun on the land Or the good looking lad in a band That caught my eye Oh, I feel I could fly But doubt my wings It’s all hyperventilate and wondrous things As he meets my stare Holds himself like he’s really there And I cannot ignore The unconditional that I implore Not to leave me And you wouldn’t believe me If I told you the truth The monumental and my youth
Are you threatened by the female Do you reverberate Am I meant to give up On myself in that state Or is there a way To be and grow I gave you a chance To have me, you know But you turned away From the dance I split the boil With a lance Til all the pus Came spewing out The knife was quick As my wit, no doubt
Taking a bite into the blue And it comes up the colour of you As I dive into the ocean And it’s all rhythmic motion In the life I cannot live Is it time to forgive The darkness of my past Who knew that this would last So very long Correct me if I’m wrong But you loved that I love that song As you curl up by my side Say that I make you feel alive And now it’s all gone away What was it you didn’t say Coz I’m dying to know And I won’t leave it be so Just tell me what you need to admit I looked at you and I sit Beside you surreptitiously Vulnerably confess to me Like a secret you can’t bear to keep I’ll visit you in the safety of sleep
There were so many men That stood at the show Most of them With hair white as snow If at all I guess aging Is it’s own freefall But the room rose To congratulate Them for losing A peace of slate On the houses you could build Nothing can happen unless it’s willed And some shores come crashing to the sea But you can’t blame them if you ask me I see their fragility As the applause rings Like the song somebody sings And it’s an empty refrain Coz loss is heaven unless it’s pain And the cataclysm reached my door I couldn’t say I hate them anymore Coz nothing but words spell the times Could you convict them of war crimes Or all that’s legitimate It is when there’s a story you’re running with
She’s rewriting the rule book Like I did with a school look As I ran up and down the halls Some are chasing dreams, I’m chasing walls To keep me safe and closeted in But it takes a breath for the night to begin And once it does you can’t go back Obsessed with how they have all you lack And she shines But I’ve written that story a thousand times As I begged to be let in Then got caught in the full glare of a grin That suddenly shone on me Asked for my hand and my integrity And I fell victim to An obsession with the form of you When the midnight calls my name And I nonchalant all the same Your absolutely sincere Does intimacy mean more than near Coz this close is comfortable Like we’re both being vulnerable And almost to touch I gotta say I love you so much Behind the folds of a page This moment will never age
We’re up here at 39000 feet Where the cold is warm as the elements meet And make a force of nature new If you don’t know I’m talking about you As somewhere we swim inside the depth And the best thing about Now is what is unmet By the forest in kind of trees and of beers And I lost myself in the years and years Trying to find what can’t be described All the while knowing I’m still alive Coz I feel this heart beat through my skin But there’s a part of me that’s deeper within Than any skin and bone can mend And death is simply not the end Just a continuum of undefended peace Or a moment of great release As all of the sidewalks lead into one Trust in God and in the Son
Is it okay that I vibe with thirty Two now I’m in the scene So many years Since I woke the dream Up from where she lay On the floor She thought she could worship And adore But I showed her the light that shine All that is hers not mine As catastrophic landed her there Well, that along with meditative prayer And the love almost beat Her heart to death As she swore She would not forget All that had come to pass Impermanence cannot last Amid the landscape of the true Was I wrong to reveal it all to you At so young an age Get up from the ground and grab a page Write it out All that fear and all that doubt Like spilled ink Honey you don’t have to think To know just what you are I’m watching you through a star
The source of her love is effulgent flame And it kills me that others don’t feel the same As they hear her plaintive cry And leave her in the rubble to die But I grab her hand, pull her out of there Wash the wounds, show her some care Tell her about the mystery That lies within both you and me And she starts to revive Feeling the tremble of being alive As she takes each breath Scared she can’t put her feet to the floor yet In case it shakes She looks at me through all her mistakes And trusts and lets go and comes to be All that she Is eternally
I think I would steal away home To find the letters you wrote on stone In tablet form with a stylus The reams of literature can’t confine us Coz we are a storm by the light of day But in the night we are okay As you put one finger on my pulse And wait for the racing heart to lull Into the birth of silent trust The reams of gold that will not rust Only gaze in steady charm The love of God is safe from harm
Can I just lie here on your chest Be done with all the doing my best And just slip into a peaceful slumber You’re calling me but I lost your number And the answer’s like a dictaphone I’m in my room all alone Dreaming of a time less hidden And waves to roll that stroll unbidden And monuments are the days to come The forever in the being young But the timeless in the growing old There’s part of the story that’s never told But waits in stillness and in silence whole The power of love to wake the soul The power of emptiness come undue The strength in the gaze of you The solidity and the trust I’ll give up the pain if it’s a must And if you’re serious about the past Then the future will everlast But the truth is in a moment free We’re talking and he’s looking at me As the time flies by and the hours pass I didn’t know your name, didn’t think to ask But smile as if it’s all left to do I’m in love and it’s with you
Afraid of my own words It’s like a tree being afraid of the birds Never mind, it’s true I can’t hide any of this from you As I take pencil to page To rattle the walls of every cage To let the dark out The demons can’t hurt you if you shout And call the sky into being It is the waves that I am freeing To know their ocean nature Like the moon so in tune with every crater I smile at the good of it all Cause I found solid ground in the freefall
Careful anonymity is the name of the game As I breathe through it like it’s all the same And I protect what I see But it draws upon eternity To here and there and let the surge As I feel the moment when I merge With all that is or could be You look at me, do you see I’m free And yet held back by errant chains That fall from the sky like rains Everywhere to conspire Lift up what must take you higher Then soar into your own soul Deeper than the waves that roll Back where it is completely still Beyond the realm of hate and will But thundered prose knows the beat And it walks itself with my two feet To suddenly surprise the day I’m fine, you know, is that okay?
I don’t want the traditional life Not hand to shoulder then be a wife I want to soar with my wings full open Not getting by or how you coping I want to see the stars with my own eyes I want to shed my leaves like a disguise And stand solid like a tree Are you making fun of me Coz I know you are all motion And I am still, I’m just supposing You think I’ve missed out on stuff But there’s more than one way to love There’s more than one way to be But it’s rare the one who really see With their own eyes deliberately Don’t think you’ve made a fool of me Cause I dive in loving the water Priceless doesn’t mean you’ve bought her Only that you’ve reserved a space In the corner of her face When she smiles up at you I love it coz I would too
Are we loved up to the stars Sideways and we’re dodging cars That try to chase us down the street The glory of our cute meet On a train or a bus Or public transportation I always look out for you When I’m at the station In case you come riding into town I wanna make sure that I’m around And they all have me down as a fool As smart as I was in school They have me thieving timbers Crawling through the ashen cinders And I’m forever ago To you But I smile when you want me to Just to flash that grin of yours I’m sure the earth adores Ever child of hers as much as I do you The needle and thread are pulling through To make a new tapestry I loved you so I set you free
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Oxegen was something of a revelation They always said I was above my station Staring into stars like that But I’ve caught the bug and I want you back
Threading together the words of my life
Do I grow up just to be a wife
Or is there another fortune for me
Can I live in a world set free
From its strictures, from its holds, from the prison bars
Cause, man, I’m all about chasing cars
Lying in a field on my own
The moon alone knows how much I’ve grown
As I try to let the memory erase
The feeling of being out of place
The feeling of not quite fitting in
And the joy of being with him
But does it have substance, can it reign
I stepped outside of time and left the pain
Where it was on the windowsill
Some say I’m lonely but I never will
Coz there’s something about solitude
That’s better than any chick or dude
There’s something about subside
When you feel the peace arise
And I know tomorrow will take care of itself
And this moment is abundant wealth
But could you forgive me for my flaws
For us running wild like outlaws
Or a stray vagabond
There was that time I dyed my hair blond
Just to be a younger version
Of myself, now the car is swerving
Into traffic I can't control
It's like the waves crash as they roll
Back unto another shore
I can't help but love you more
The Poetry Book 