I used to be socially relevant  
It used to matter that the sky
Was blue as the hue within my eye 
But now a solid grey has overtaken
The land that Simba has forsaken 
For an escape from what he's done
He doesn't see he wasn't the one 
Who held the key
To the death inside of me 
It was a summer note
And now it's gurus that I quote 
To find an adequate reply 
To the opening up in I
Whereupon the notion just contains 
The whole ocean of the cloud that rains 
Down on the parched land 
It's green because love understand 
That you need balance, you need peace
And something in us has got to cease 
As the industrial revolution gathers pace
It's like we're in some kind of race
That's turned into a death spiral twist
Would you know you even exist
If it were not for the fact
That everything gets taken back 
In the end 
And a friend 
Is a friend for life 
Like some people's faithful wife 
And I 
Can't countenance
What was just a stream of events 
That broke in my grasp
I found something that doesn't pass 

The unearthly calm
Rises from within
And it tells me 
You must be with him
And he’s miles away
And a girlfriend down
But he was a hero
Just outside of town
When we were teens 
He was the man of my dreams 
And I spied him through a tiny gap
In the thicket ( I didn’t need a map )
And I had the fear he might find out
So one day I just swallowed my doubt
And professed my love on a screen
Said you are loved by the queen
Of sometime, maybe, I dunno when 
But I swore I wouldn’t speak up again
When you shut that thing down
And I don’t blame you, it’s just the sound
Of the door slamming reverberates 
And every time you move the earth quakes 
And I’m still and then all a-stutter
I catch hold of something that you mutter
As evidence, as proof
That you may not be aloof
And maybe you’re just an emotional male 
Who’s heart is not for sale 
So though I offer a million bucks 
You’re not giving any fucks 
And my respect for you just increase 
That your soul is not for lease
And I fear one or both of us might decease
Before life again lets us meet 

The quietest whisper
The most secret sound
The clue is that
It is all around
Swimming in water
We don’t know the fish
Til it’s served up to us 
On a dish 
And I lost the rag 
I held onto
Got angry at him
Her, them and you
In the storm of the winter
I weathered a foe
Blew shit apart
Coz it would not let go
And I ended up somewhere 
I can’t entertain
Beseeching others 
To hear me in vain
And like the midnight
It comes then it passes
There must be more
Than getting A’s in classes
As I struggle to find 
A deeper hue
A more vibrant red
A more trustworthy blue
And she says the dream
Is all that she knows
He looks to the side 
Like anything goes
But the trinket to find
And then discard
Is all that you have 
When life gets hard
And it picks you up
Like a sullen saviour
Don’t say that you love me
If it means that you hate her

I’m out here on the bridge
Just staring into the dark
And life has come around about 
In an arc
And Brooklyn never looked so tame
Was it ever even worth the name
Of the wilderness years
Crystallizing tears
Into diamonds
To star the sky
And I know some people die
On this scene
But it was enough to wake the dream  
As I shuddered with a start
And Awareness part
From the thought bound grey
And I don’t care what people say
It was the best day of my life
Until the one I became a wife
To your sudden sun
I’m in love and you’re the One

It was a perfect awning
To bridge the gap
And I lose myself 
Looking for a map
To find my place
And I lose face
In the timber as it burns down
There were years I ran this town
Now I just run away
As people’s words ricochet
Against the solid concrete wall
I guess life can play hard ball
When it wants to
I don’t know where I am
But I choose you

The vines they come 
The vines they tie
Is this just life 
Barely getting by
And the shreds of ego 
They justify
What in me
Is not afraid to die
Coz they come with their pills
And their ect 
Am I just attracting it to me
To say that you can go to hell
With the days you wished me well
And told me what I can sustain
Give me something to help with the pain
A non existent foe
If you love me let me go
But they contort me into all sorts of shapes
In the wilderness of my escapes
From Stella ward, I walked to the garden
Til they locked the doors and decided to guard them
Two bulletproofs to tic tac toe
Threatening me to let it all go
“You’ll be back here in the morning”
But now my fury’s storming
How can they be so dense
When we all live in the present tense
They let me out on April eleven 
Like they should shake my hand
I understand
You’re thick as planks
Don’t think you deserve my thanks
For what you did to me
But my soul remains ever free
From the lasciviousness and lies
The untruths in false goodbyes
And I personify the weather
Blame the heather
For being blue
Or some kind of purple I pulled it into 
Don’t laugh
But I think I could pull a calf
With the strength inside
The activity room where I used to hide
From “the team”
Who use arrows to puncture my dream
In so many places
I breathe and the air displaces 
The water in my lungs
Why do I sense it has just begun 

I wanna FGL but I won’t reveal
What that means lest someone steal
Into my dreams at night
And set fire to my gasoline light
I wanna FGL but I gotta pay
For keeping my vulgarity at bay
I’m dropping hints and lines and beats
But I’m overcome by the deceit
I wanna FGL but I’m loyal to
Someone who put me through
Considerable stress and strain
Making love look like pain
I wanna FGL coz the stars that shine
Issue from that diamond mine
And a ring once held my gaze
Now it’s all about the people I save 

So what is on the listing deck
It’s like some horizon I wanna wreck
And I see myself on the same path again
Losing life and finding a pen
That will write my story for me
It’s dipped in ink so do not bore me
With tales of another race
Lord knows what I have to face
And I’m writing this as I’m still emerging 
From a cocoon that is verging 
On the edge of the insane
I have a dream where the rain
Fell on both of us so soft
You pay the bill, I pay the cost
For going out on a limb 
I wanna FGL coz it’s me and him

All those years watching Charmed 
Learning how to throw a potion
Now I’m half woman and half emotion 
As I struggle to find the balance
The equilibrium that used to be my talent
And I could always say
I wouldn’t have it any other way
But now I side step the cracks
And think of all the things I would take back
But you can’t erase time
And the mistakes and mess that is mine
All because I melted down
Like they threw cold water on my mental health
And I suffer and I crave 
To be something that the people save 
And I offer a chance
To the dudes who wanna dance
But I turn them all down
Bed down and then leave their town
For my own plot of home
Why am I happier on my own 
Like some kind of female king
A queen that rules everything
And not to borrow from the monarchy
But there’s something that’s been nagging at me
Like the princess and the pea
What happened when you spilt the tea
And I dropped right out of the picture
Coz I can’t handle the stricture 
That you impose
I just loved you and the rose
Thorn pricked my skin
Now I’m bleeding over him
While he just goes about his day
And I wonder if he’s okay
And I really hope he is
But I must admit it’s my ardent wish
That he might change his mind
Or have a change of heart
Coz I wanna be a part
Of his looks that he simply throws 
And, like Pru, I take one for the road

Teenage girl is a genre
It’s in the years when they try to pawn ya
Off on the nearest guy
And everyone wants to try
To hit me up 
(But Paddy night just be love
With his cocaine eyes and ear ring
Piercing like the pirate of my dreaming
And we just sit in Centra at half one
And I swear he might be the one
With his bad boy chic
Shaved head and introverted streak
I swear his sensitive could melt
Me down to the bone and I felt
Everything in his eyes
That night in Spiral Tree to my surprise)
But anyway I digress
Why does everyone crave a state of undress
As the page left unturned 
Like the candle that’s unburned
And do I dare to light the wick
Though that guy might be a dick
He inflects his head to show
It’s not just about the bed you know  
And he’s got me smiling and a laugh
Escapes from my broken girl cast
As I seem to stray from fear
And find something I hold dear
Throughout each and every year
That goes by
And when we die
Will people cry
For a season or two
But know I found the immortal in you
When the sun burst onto the scene 
Out of my arms and into your dream
And you resound 
In time to the beat my heart pound 
When I’m in your presence
And your essence 
Is simply stellar
Oh, to know such a fella 

The white coats come to take me away
I’m lying in bed and I pray
I might be saved from this intervention 
But it’s all surface tension
They say there’s no one there
And that it’s just that people care
And in the morning 
The night was still storming
As they assisted me from my bed
What was it that they said
Leading me towards Dean Swift
As though captivity is a gift
And I sat there shaking while Michelle
Staved off the feeling of hell
You’re just suffering from psychosis 
But that diagnosis 
Never rang true 
It was a deeper blue
In loving you
And holding back the name
Coz I know you feel the same
In spite of the evidence to the contrary
And I know you can be a bit contrary 
When you’re mad
And you think I’m sad
But I’m fly
And I’ve no intention to die
Or to run myself ragged once more
But the door
Closed with a click
And that nurse was a bit of a dick 
When she told me what to do 
But the guy with the beard makes it seem true 
And he has pure chocolate eyes
As he speaks to me of their lies
As if they’re his own
He sat by my side and alone
Never felt so together
And their weather
Can’t reach me here
All the people that I hold dear
Failed me when I needed it the most
And it’s as though I loved a ghost
Needing you
I don’t think he knows what’s true

How beautiful the die is cast
To make things permanent we never last
But fade and age
What is it about a tattered page
That attracts the eye
And the body that is born to die
While we are warm
Know the heat that powers the storm
In summer days
So magnificent in so many ways
Like laughing with you
Breaking biscuits in tea because you wanted me to
And holding your hand
I’m never a day away from that land
And the bitterness bite
And the anger ignite 
But nothing steals your candlelight 
Away from me
The motion of sea
Is forever true
It brutal but it brings out the best of you
And the girl on the screen
Had a cracked glass inside of the dream
Oh, how it unfold
A story that you’d never told
To be something real
And I always swore I would never steal 
But I did that day
Though I paid back what I took away
A hundredfold
Is my excuse that I was too bold
And bending white light
I always swore I would never fight
But I warred with the wind
People say I have sinned 
But the chasm calls 
To let me know all the free for all’s 
Are just the Tao
Letting me know what it will allow
In these mists of mine
What it takes to walk the line
As steady as a drunk man outside a car
Please free me from the prison bar

She came back
And it wasn’t just to attack 
Me for all I never was
She was there just because
And I rolled with the tears
Like tsunami years
As I lived in a foreign land
A city or don’t you understand
How I craved to be there with you
My replacement’s looking good too
But somehow I find her in my zone
And again I am not alone
As in the days of yore
What I call a time before
Before we grew into the ego casing
Did we even know what we were facing
Into as the tide will roar
But you only go low so you can soar
Like a bird in the sky
And someday we both will die
Of old age, illness or accident 
And we wonder where the childhood went
As though having been heaven sent
We’re pulled back into argument
And there is a rise in the waters at bay
I always wonder if you’re okay
But I daren’t ask
Because it might crack the mask
That hides the gold Buddha beneath
We fight then we get back on our feet
And is winter long, do you suppose
And I wore someone else’s clothes
As though they fit
And I gotta say I loved it 
Always wondering about future nostalgia tones
As we both share ourselves on phones
And he manipulate
Me into that state
Where I’m pliant in his hands
And the clothes get pulled from the lands
Til the darkness at the core
Pulls me into its depth and I adore
As we wind rivers of disassociation
Epicness and conflagration 
As erstwhile we grow our souls
Up and out of the roles
That are preordained 
And our relationship is a little bit strained
Like a muscle taught from tension
Or vague in the alley of apprehension
Of what may never come to be
But I lose my eyes to see
From the soul that drags me to and fro
Everything is screaming just let go
But I don’t know how
So I give in and allow
You to be all you are
I learned from you, my ardent star

Did they come for me
Again
I ran into the world of men
And got pulled out
By my own self doubt
And they turn the key
But there’s no locking up me 
Coz I’m free
And not even a guy
Could ever try
To hold this down
Why is your place just outside of town
And I drive by it every day
Nod my head at the way
We once slotted into place 
Now I’m an ardent disgrace
Professing my love to you
As the girls tell me to get a clue
He’s not real, it’s all in your head
And I shocked myself when I lay in bed 
What if I permanently lose
Something that’s not mine to choose
And I pray I’ll stay your hand
They tell me it’s all grand 
But I’ve got a snitch
In the way you called me a bitch
(Metaphorically speaking)
Living like you are a weakling 
When you’re strong
Why did I belong
By your side 
If we’re not alive
Or a thing
A broken wing
Aoibhín says
I refute her though
How could the people not know
That I am the queen of this domain
I can even rule the pain
And could it be part of the tapestry
That they tried to catch the mystery
And pin it in place
Say that they can read it on my face
I think they’re illiterate 
Coz I’m cool with the flirt
Of the guy behind the desk
What is it I suggest
When I’m staring at you
I’ve never seen that colour blue
In the real world 
I wake up and the girl
Walked me down the hall
I want to give up on it all
But life smacks me with a stick
Like some kind of zen master being a dick
Til I balance on my own
Why did I let it be shown
That I’m vulnerable and soft
Now I hold the memory aloft
Of us by the coast
Til you left me like a ghost
And they’re putting the shackles on me
How could this be meant to be 
As I see the sun go down
On a tight fitting dream gown
I scream into the mirror
But it doesn’t get any clearer
Or bring you back 
Is love the absence of lack
I don’t think it’s an illusion
As they try to persuade me that confusion
Guided my pen
Are they coming for me 
Again

Travel to India to go find yourself 
I can just see you with that book on the shelf
And you throw your eye back at me
It was wilderness but it was free
And you’re some kind of home, soft and easy
Always wondering why didn’t it please me
But I’ve got to say your therapy
Found me sitting back with the best of me
And I find forever in the diamonds you mine
I call you over a thousand times
Just to see what it’d be like
To kick it with you in the dead of night

They took you away from me
Like a blind man to suddenly see
The light is thrown into sharp relief
Like a heart to consistently beat
Against the sound of your silent frame
I can’t count the times I said your name
To myself in my sleep
Like it’s a secret that we keep
And she could never compete
With the fear and the resident dread
That follows me to bed
As I close the doors behind
What you can consider the realm of the mind

And I’m stoic and cold
But you be brave and be bold
And my defense just shatters
Like glass on the floor
And I could do nothing but adore
The man before my eyes
And our flag suddenly flies
In the breeze that you whipped up
It’s like a tsunami of pure love
But I’ll fail and I drop your shoulder
It’s like I can feel the boulder
That weighs you down
I still think of you around the town
And I watched the scene suddenly close
Like a film script, God knows

I can’t rewrite the past
Or drown what wants to last
In the summer of seventeen 
Or the end of the dream
That once held afloat
A hundred thousand million boats
Like Charlie St. Cloud
I weep but I’m too proud
To let anyone see
And I know it’s not just me
It’s a catching cold
And I know and you scold
Me into the truth of being
The loss of love, the door to true seeing

And you’re like a sentinel at the gate
Asking why I made you wait
As I lift my limb like I’m underwater
And I shouldn’t‘ve fought her
But it’s too late now to go back
And she hit me where I held the lack
But it was the door into an oblivion dark 
I wade through Nutgrove Park
With the joy of a new purple in my life
I let go and someone’s wife
Holds the key to a diary I wrote
And there are sections that I quote
When I’m thinking of you
I let you know coz I thought you wanted me to

And you come back to visit me in my dreams
Death may not be all that it seems
Coz the boy I knew would be a grown man
If I could stretch his time here like only God can 
In his laughter and in his smile
I thought I was okay for a while
But it all comes back to haunt
And I write it in my own font
Coz there’s no other way to explain
What fell on me like the softest rain

So how did we intersect
We barely met, you interject
But somehow you’re held so dear
In a heart of glass that’s crystal clear
And you can see the facets of the diamond
But if you look for it you can’t find ‘em

The great breath out
Erases all doubt
As it comes to a conclusion 
And clears up any confusion
As to what you think this life’s about
Do you delay your self doubt
For another day
Coz it’s not going away
Until you deal
Though the deck is stacked and what you feel
Is no indication of Reality
Who do you grow up to be?