The Irish Male At Seventeen

The Irish male at seventeen
What a wonder fucking dream
And he drew me in then pushed me back
As though there’s nothing that we lack
In our two by two, absolute four
And I don’t know who I am anymore
As I leave unlocked and off the hinge door
There’s no one close by what I have in store
For you, for us, for him, for she
Could you just get down on one knee
So I could let you in again
Instead of running away from men
Coz they always want and need, lookout!
So much so that I am in doubt
As to what we’ve forever been
Now I just see you on a screen
Talking to that other girl
I wish the paper would just unfurl
And unmap the story of us
Something in which I can trust
And I don’t care about all of the guys
On the sidelines to my futile tries
To win you over, once more, again
Don’t blame me for being your friend
As you throw around what people love
I’m sorry I ever gave you that drug
The one with the hit so high
And I’m just the queen of saying goodbye
Until the day you made me say
I really like you, okay?
And when I wrapped my arms around ya
I knew that you were sound, yeah
With your gentle and sashay
When did all of that go away
To be replaced by thunderstorm
You think you’re hot, you’re not even warm
As lightning cracks bolts across the black
I’ll always have asked you back
Into the room where it’s just us two
I don’t think they know about all of it, do you?
As silent on the astral plane
You used to enunciate my name
And I hear you now with all of the slow
Do you just suppose or do you know
Exactly what you claim to be
Is the ocean all at sea
Like it used to be when we were young
Just old enough to get some
And I don’t blush anymore
When you look at me like that, a stór
But something stirs at the sight
Of you in the twilight
When I think of all that could’ve been
With the Irish male at seventeen

Heaney’s Shovel

Here is my pen like the blade of a knife
As it furrows through earth already turned twice
And there is treasure within, I can hear it call
And all of the problems are not there at all
As I open air in the core of my being
I know there is something here worth seeing
And they tell me lies but they believe
In all of the strings that hang from my sleeve
And I’m just untwining a tapestry
So the threads might be able to run free
And make themselves a masterpiece
Not somebody else’s picture to learn to crease

The Flame and the Letting Go

Suffering means I love you more
And I’m always banging on your front door
To see will you let me in
And you just remind me of him
His casual ways, his beautiful dance
His chest, the rest and his hands
As they fold themselves into mine
It is the cessation of time
As in the moment held forever
Is the faith of a new endeavor
As it opens out to sky
I love you and I don’t know why
Only the beauty to burst through
The diagrams I see in you
And in all that’s sad and lonely
I’m wondering why you don’t phone me
When we left it on so bad a note
And there are pages that I quote
Which makes up the dream of us
The magnitude, the waves, the trust
In all that we can’t imbue
I’m waiting for what you might do
With your love, the sea, the stars
The way you melt those prison bars
Down into metal ore
I know you better than I did before
But you are untouchable, unattainable
The clouds are grey, the day raining and dull
And you’re just some other where
I keep looking, you’re not there
And you may have another chick
And I the page that you flip
But anyway, bitterness won’t get me far
Not when you’re written on my heart
And I feel this seething for all we were
And the fact that I’m not her
And I know it’s selfish and self absorbed
I should just take you at your word
When you say you’re happy there
That you’ve found love and true care
But I’m gnawing at the edges and all the seams
I still see you in my dreams
Sometimes you’re mine, more you’re not
I’d write them down but I forgot
Exactly what they had to say
Some kind of I’m not going away
But everything does
All that is is a remnant of what was
And I fight the tide
But the waves crash and abide
In the place they’ve always been
There is the dimension of the seen
Then other ones
Diagonals and come undones
Would you marry me?
So that the bird could be set free
But I’m letting go
Of all I thought that I know
To find a new shore
Worship all I adore
As it comes in close
Would you haunt me like a Holy Ghost?

Taco Belle

I find furrows in the wood exploring with you
And more often than not it’s just us two
Brushing through reeds in Derrymacstuir
When I’m in need I know I can call her
To listen to my ramblings for a little while
She cracks me up and makes me smile
And there’s something of longing in her absent stare
Like she’s wishing for something in particular to be there
And I try to hold up, to carry the fort
In the years in between as we man the fort
Over the garden that’s grown between us
There’s something of magic, there’s something of trust
And I know I can rely on her steady heart
In the years and seasons we’ve been apart
In the moments when there’s an ocean in between
We rip up the map coz it’s just a dream
And all of the separation that seems to be
Hanging in the air between you and me
Is nothing in the magnitude of what’s always been
I salute you, honey, coz you are the queen

One World Community

Holding space for war torn regions
With the strength of prayer
So they know that love is there
And the fighters on the extreme
Are only caught up in the dream
Never knowing what they do
But what would you do if it was you
And if you had the power to make change
Would you think it a bit strange
That some people resist
There’s nobody on my list
Coz I have let go of enmity
But I stay vigilant coz integrity
Means being aware that it could come back
The ego hiding in the lack

Forget Me Nots

Drinking a whiskey before going to bed 
Just so I can say it’s gone to my head
Dancing around to make a lock pop
I am in my thirties but kinda I’m not
And I miss her something awful but it sets the scene
How to be lost in someone else’s dream
And Stephen is sweet and Stephen is nice
And I kinda made that guy look twice
At all of the light that shines a resound
He is the life of me on the ground
And I know it’s discreet and delicate fine
But could you remember a time you’re not mine
Coz I’m awesome and lovely
Beautiful and deep
And I think of the places
You might like to sleep
Or rest your head
For a moment of two
I had a wish
Darling, it was you

Emptiness, Devoid Of Form

The feel of not existing
Like I don’t have a form
Even though the body’s breathing
Is vital and is warm
Like I’m spirited away
To another dimension
But I’m still in this one
And there’s inherent tension
Between what I am
And what I could be
I always feel the gap
Though others cannot see
And I’m mindful and secure
Minute and profound
But my wings are getting lazy
From staying on the ground
And I want to try them out
To see if I would soar
You say don’t wish for miracles
But I just want them more
As I’m touched by the divine
In form but beyond reason
It’s time to remind you
That life is but a season
And like leaves in Autumn
We colour up then fade away
Don’t blame me for wanting more
To make enough of this day
That we’re given, in between two nights
He speaks to me a moment and my spirit ignites
To burn a hole in destiny or all that is to come
I’m not just a tragic tale I’ve been telling the young
To be wary and be watchful
But don’t forget to dance
I spin the top of reason
And give you a second chance
To be all that you might
Ever want to desire
You looked in my eyes
I burnt up in the fire
That consume like ash and rust
For a phoenix to rise
It’s been exaggerated
The reports of my demise
I’m still flipping the lid
Of every bottle top
And you cannot contain me
As something that I’m not
But something that I am
And ever will be
I opened up my heart
Suddenly, I am free

Away With

I dunno if you’re watching but I’m ticking the clock
It’s time to be all that I am not
And I pounded pavements just to see your face
Til I got lost in the mire of an unholy disgrace
And I ran from due diligence and I fled from the real
I searched out for something with which to cut the deal
But all I could find were ribbons and thread
That you left behind when you softly said
I can’t do this, let me go
I watched as I did, you know,
As the fleeting tide washed out to sea
The thing is I know though it’s coming back to me
Like you once again now you’re in my arms
I fall like the rain for your charms
All aglow and so happy in this reverie
If there’s one thing in this life it’s that he’s meant for me
And I don’t know anyway
If he is okay
Coz I stopped checking his page
But I’m all up in his grill like it’s all the rage
Til there’s nowhere left that I can go
I love you, you’re awesome, please don’t let me go

The Snowdrops

The snowdrops show their skin in January
When everything else is cold with the snow 
And like the darkest night 
It's only then it lets you go 
Coz I found 
The slightest sound
Was enough to wake the house 
So I learn to do without 
In the evenings I 
Just contemplate the way I die
To each and every moment fresh
And every second is the best 
In Immortal Being 
There's nothing new for the seeing 
Just what you have always been 
You are untethered from the dream 
That heretofore held you back 
But there's nothing that you lack 
And the dog days may be over 
But that doesn't stop me wishing on a four leafed clover 
To win the day 
It's not held within what people say 
But it is effervescently free 
But it's everywhere, don't look at me 
As though I'm something rarefied 
It's just something in me that's died
A thread that's broken, identified 
And it's more an omission than I lied 

The Guy On The Screen

Waiting for the guy on the screen 
Is it just a long dream 
Since I was born 
I've been in love with the storm
That just rages
I use pages 
To rifle through another scene 
And I say that it's just something I've been 
And I wonder if Stephen 
Would smile if the ends weren't even
And I just want to show 
Him the places that I go
When my serenity expands
There are vast oceans of open lands 
That are there for the the perusing 
I have no idea what it is that I'm losing 
When I let you go 
It's the complete unknown and it show 
Me something that I've never seen
But it's nerve wrecking to be the queen 
Of the midnights that just sashay 
Is it okay
If I like you like that 
The boy said he wanted his hat
Back but it was mine
And I tell it to him a thousand time
You can only ever be
The space that you set free

The Fear Of Something Harboured

The fear of something harboured 
Scratches at my skin
If I fight it 
It just gets in
So I try to act unconcerned
But the feeling, like fire, it burned
And it's been this way since I was a child
Running through summers like I was wild
Or when I walked down the hall
Touching three times each side of the wall
And they diagnosed me with OCD
Til I broke free at twenty three
But the monument crashed
And I ended up in the place where the drugs were stashed
And everyone that I love says to just go down 
But I can't run that side of town 
So I try to find a way
Until, eventually, I'm not okay
And give in 
Was it all coz I loved him
I wonder to myself 
What does it matter about mental health
It's what they say
That I deserve a brighter day
But I'm just fine with the evening hue
The way the purple melts into blue 
And, look, you can see the stars 
Your walls are only prison bars
And set nobody free
I know because it happened to me
As I stalked the halls of St. Patrick's Hospital
Remembering the core that is vital 
And I chat with Barry
But I don't think he's the dream I want to marry
And I'm submerged
The worlds converged
And I was caught in between 
The crosshairs of someone else's dream 
As I find a paper on the couch 
If only there was someone who would vouch 
For me 
But there's only my dignity
To speak for what I stand
And I don't really like what they have planned
They say psychosis, I say reveal 
They say unwell but it's something I steal 
Into then creep out again 
And I was down with the coolest men 
Like Emmett with his pen 
And clipboard making sure he sees where I am 
And he said "Oh, there you are" when we almost collided 
Between a pane of glass you and I are divided 
And he is something sweet
And if it was somewhere else that we meet
I'd bet we'd hit it off
I was counting every cough
As though they were signal fires
I scream out; "ye're all a bunch of liars"
Coz I can't get my point across
All I can think of is all I've lost 

Snare Drum

Hit that snare drum
And I try to do the sum
That will add up to the whole of my life
Am I just a house and a wife
To some man I don't yet know 
Or is there a reason that I just go
To the farthest corners of the earth
To find a way out of the hurt
The distant hum of the fan 
I want to stop it if I can
So I meditate and it doesn't work
I run and I just sweat my shirt 
And I listen to Eckhart Tolle
It switches into something whole
And cascades like the perfect song
Beating the movement where you went wrong 
And I'm listening to my own misery biz 
I used to be the shizz
Now I'm just old and normal 
Saw you in a suit so formal
Looking like you pay the rent
I wonder where the vagabond went
That crashed into my life like a storm 
And he's the fire that keeps the heat warm 
I wish you could know
That I would never let you go 
Only let the line go slack
And wait until you call me back 
And you always do 
I walk another's shoe
Til the soles are worn and dry
I dunno I had to try
And be the one to satisfy 
The longing that reaches out
It quenches thirst to match my doubt
Like that castle in the sky
I meet in dreams that die
Into a morning that just breaks 
And the girl, like the ocean, wakes

The Door Opened

The door opened and the sun shone through
Now I'm blinded by all of you
In my psychois
I am precocious 
As I make awakening look simple
Then suddenly hard
It's like It flicks a switch
And deals the final card
To make good on a promise true
And I trust in it too
Because it broke the fragile seam
And I realised that the dream 
Can't cage the forest of my heart
So I make my pain make art, make art
And it's all a wonder in the deepest blue
An ocean that I saw in you
And it surged into 
A tidal wave surge
And I craved to find the bird 
That alighted on the tallest tree
And the flood just freed me 
From shackles I didn't even know were there
And somehow It knows that care 
Is only meant for a temporary incarnation
But your soul and its appellation
Is more universal than creation
Could ever contain
I came down as the softest rain 

The Closed Farm

The closed farm opened its eyes
And it realised
Everybody dies
Some day, eventually
What of me exists perpetually
Coz I know there's something there
That goes beyond the wind that tear
The seams from the jam of the door
I woke up on the floor
With a teacher staring down at me 
And I still remember the way that she
Was frightened that I 
Might be broken the way I lie
But I'm singing
The bells are ringing 
In a new dawn
And the old world is all gone
For the moment at least
Though, God knows, you can't cage the beast
Only watch it scream 
And realise it's just a dream 
In the winter of my life, when I was young
It was over before it had begun 
But it was not a final stop
It was love that meant a lot
And something in me just knew
That there is a deeper shade of blue
Than the sky you know
I hold on and it lets me go

Where To Start

The door swings shut
On another adjacent dream 
I run like wildfire 
Or an untethered seam
That's freed from it's hold
And the scene is gold
As everything magnifies
Exactly what never dies
And I feel a heartbeat in my chest
Just thump thump and forget the rest

Oceanic Life

Oceanic life, I can feel the drown
Rising up when I’m outta town
It’s like a vast submerge
Has me on the verge
Of saying exactly what I mean
And punching a hole in the dream
That I built so carefully
And I’m sure they don’t see
But the forces of unconsciousness move to contain
What they suspect might be rain
And I’m coming down in a deluge
And it’s like my heart is the centrifuge
Of the whole storm
And I’m both cold and warm
As the fronts meet each other
And somehow I found a brother
Who connected on the level I chose
Coz all of them are lined up in little rows
And I draw outside the lines
I replay it a thousand times

Rooting Fir
The tree beds down deep in my soul
And I’m as icy as the North Pole
On a summer evening
It’s global warming but are you believing
The stories they weave
And it’s cotton wool I have up my sleeve
No knife to stab you in the back
No hatred to make an attack
On what is perfect pure
You loved me but you weren’t sure
That you could trust the branch to bough
But I’ll come close if you allow
Me near your cistern heart
The one that fills before it starts
To empty out
And the earth quakes with your doubt
As you mean it all to me
Could you be my long lost sea

Paper Trains
Using money as a measurement for success 
All I get is lost in distress
And unconsciousness
As I cling to the wall
Then the whole thing fall
And I look at the rubble at my feet
Why did God let us meet
If he didn’t intend us to be together
I scream in the morning air and the weather
Utters no reply
As dawn breaks over the seat where I lie
And that was back in ten
Number one on my list of men
That I adore
It’s like I found him on the shore
I used to seek solace on
But after I met you the whole thing was gone
It burned up like a candle flame
And all I have to hold is your name
And I remember your hand so soft and cool
That summer we met after school
In the park
And the field is green but the dark
Is just around the corner and I
Know what it is to be left out to dry
Like washing on the line
But don’t worry about it, it’s fine
He looks deeply into my eyes
And I’m momentarily without disguise
Or words to play
“I didn’t know you loved me that way”
I stutter a response
He’s not fooled
The evening changed
And the heat it cooled
Down into a summer balm
And all I feel is this unearthly calm
Creeping over the edges of my perception
The perfect kind of misdirection
To make the minute hour long
“I didn’t know you were that strong”
And the wellspring bubbles to the surface
“My God, aren’t you perfect”
In the moment we hold each other
I could never love another
The way I love you
I close my eyes and it’s just us two

The Bungalow By The Woods
I run but there’s no race that I win 
I walk away but I think of him
Every single day
Was there really no other way
To handle things
And my heart sings
When the memory rises
And my surprises
To find him there
And find he care
Surpasses all my man made doubt
And a life learned to live without
Like holding back the air
I need to breathe and I care
About what happens to you
I would love to reach out to
You across the great divide
But I fear the rebuff and I hide
My secrets away so safe
And I used to be a little waif
In hunger with what she couldn’t live
I hope that you forgive
Me for my transgression
Why does this feel like a confession
When I’m at a loss as to what to say
So I make something up by the way
And feel all the penance that’s due
I just want to be worthy of you
But you won’t see me no more
I knocked and the door
Opened and closed in my face
Did you know this used to be my place

Colour Splash
Taylor’s bringing it home
She opened the door when I was all alone
And let in a little light
I fight it out but I’m alright
As I say to the seasons
That this love is without reason
As I shudder to a halt
She lets six more out of the vault
And they run riot in the scene
She’s painting colour in the dream
As the grey gets a splatter of paint
I see the One and I faint
And on the floor in Room One
I know what it is to walk the Son
In feet that are his and mine
He carries me across the beach that fine
Summer’s day in the winter of my life
I smile because I am alright

Not That Bad

Do we just settle for not that bad
When she’s the best you’ve ever had
And I’m walking down lines and roads
Kissing princes, they turn into toads
And I’m way past what I used to be
I wish I could’ve looked forward to see
Where that path might lead
And all the aggrandizement that made me bleed
When it was one need
And the law says take heed, take heed
Of all that you don’t know where
And maybe people do care
It’s just that you could‘nt see
I reach out and say; it’s me
As the soft of his voice reminds me of your arms
And we grew up on separate farms
In rural Irish ways
And I don’t care what anyone says
You’re still the one for me
I loved you so I let you go free
Now I just want to capture
Evince a state of rapture
That might never be known
And I want to love, don’t want to own
If that’s okay with you
I’m gonna wait coz I want to

Changing Me
I’m a bit different
But I’m still the same
Growing up
Without a name
And I know I was immature
And harsh as hell
And pushed away
Anyone who wanted to tell
Me how to live my life
2.5 kids and a wife
And now he’s got all that
And all I have is to want him back
And it’s a flailing in the water drunk
It’s a commerce cost that’s sunk
Like the coconut on the veranda
And I wrote a poem about Amanda
Because she reminds me of you
I left but it wasn’t coz I wanted to

Magnificently Kissing On The Street
Magnificently kissing on the street
It’s not the first time that we meet
As our stars cross paths
And we do nothing by half’s
And I’m staring at the guy on the screen
He reminds me of a dream
That I once had
And I don’t feel bad
Scamming on his beard
Is it a bit weird
I see you in him
And I cannot win
Coz you’re with another girl
The diamond in the rough, a pearl
In the oyster that you shell
And I’m not well
I commit myself to a cell
A hospital, a ne’er do well
And they put me on a pill
It takes all the strength of my will
Not to cave
Under the pressure it takes to save
Me from my own dear self
And they are no help
Throwing eyes at me
I disguise what’s free
In me behind a locked door
And I don’t know who I am anymore
As Dennis howls into the wind
And an old lady tells me how they’ve sinned
Before they put a needle in her
I cry to think what we were
And everything is green outside
I don’t wanna have to hide
Who I am from them
But, God knows, I can’t do it again

Rhythm Section

Cause of death, dying
What do you expect, trying
And I try to reason
With him but it’s just a season
In the garden he grows
It’s all flowers and God knows
I try not to be the sky
Reflecting blues in his eyes
As they stare up at the sun
But I think he might be the One
As he moves in a sashay
And he can have me any way
He likes to entertain
And his love is not in vain
As he holds a paper heart
Out and it makes my own start
Beating a rhythm I cannot contain
Would the sky take back the rain
It had cried in tears
If it meant it could erase the years
That have gone in between
The midnight of someone else’s dream
In a come what may
What is it that the people say
That there is a wilderness beyond the hedge
And you are more than the pond you dredge
To bring up gold
And that story’s never told
If you’re looking for a quick line
In the bathroom for the thousandth time

Even With Mobile Phones
Does fate decide 
Even with mobile phones
Whether we live or whether we die
Whether we sing or we cry
Coz I saw you through a screen
Thought I had caught hold of a dream
100 miles away
But there’s something immediate in what you say
When you say it to me
As though you’re free
In the forest of ill repute
And you are ever so astute
In the fountain of forever
A remembrance endeavor
Or the ties that bind
Did you leave me behind
When you walked out that door
Tell me what is it for
If we fight and we spit
And I’m always waiting for that final hit
To rain on me
I am the ocean and you’re open sea
To still the calm
You kind of rang like a false alarm

Fiddler On The Roof

Music never ages
Neither does ripped pages
When they tear like your jeans
As if angst had its own seams
And I might be temporal in the extreme
But I can pluck somebody’s dream
Down out of the sky
I must get this out before I die
Of old age or accident
Because this life is only for rent
And the house I own is not of I
So I walk the roads coz I’ve gotta try
Find a destination more permanent
As if solidity was heaven sent
And here in our earthly abode
We dwell where water erode
Like tears of our making
Tell me who are we forsaking
When we balance on a bough
There’s only so much weight it will allow
And I am teetering on the brink
Of throwing the whole kitchen sink
Through the wall
I talk to them but they don’t hear at all
Only go crashing into the sky
I’d tell the truth but it’d be a lie

The Years

I’m afraid that I’ll forget my youth
When I get old
Regale the years
With stories told
As if it is all past and gone
Not ever abiding in a so long
Back when the most painful thing
Was coming in contact with a nettle sting
Now I count the Ogham
Spelling out: I’m all alone
Though not really
I’ve just got the feeling
That these years
May not be worth stealing
As time marches on
In fifty years will we all be gone
Or will some disaster
Some tsunami earthquake shake the rafters
Or some nuclear threat
As a leader somehow forgets
That he’s human too
And what you do to them you do to you
And what about the climate change
Soil to dust in a land that’s strange
Not bursting green
Like Sub Sahara could’ve been
If we’d‘ve done things right
Oh, it keeps me awake at night
Just thinking
Maybe I should be drinking
Instead of facing our woes
It’s humanity and anything goes

Amanda’s Dream
Driving through town and I think of Amanda
She was into the emo scene
And her hair was long
Like a fucking queen
And I try to emulate what I saw back then
Seventeen 2.0 again
And I wonder where he is
If he has a wife and kids
I used to check his deets
Before I admitted utter defeat
And the family life always seemed empty
Like why would you when you’re good looking and twenty
But when you’re thirty three and laying waste
Everyone seems to say; make haste, make haste
And I’m like a rock in the river, it just flows by
And it might be a long time before I die
And forty looks scary as hell
Do you grow up or lose life as well
Coz age hasn’t changed the core of peace
And forgiveness might be the only release
For what she did to me
If you wake up are you free
Or do you deal with encumbrance still
Going through a dark night of the will

The Violence At The Core

The walls that they built up solidified 
And it was as though someone had died
As we stare at a Being crucified
And wonder how the powers that be lied
And knocked a tree so they could raise him up
And give us a type of archetypical love
That goes without season
An unconditional in the reason
And I’ve been a student of the Catholic faith
Longer than I’ve known hate
To exist, well seemingly so
But I don’t think anyone can know
Unless they’ve dipped their toe
In the Divine
It was a moment and I called it mine
Like some kind of trophy on the wall
When it’s not like that at all
The awakening, the grand pull away
Of the cobwebs in what people say
Like a veil, thick and dense
Split between the past and the future tense
But the Present’s like a knife
How I longed to be wife
To a mysterious man
Like only the dreamer in me can
And without throwing him to the wolves
Can I acknowledge that which pulls
And drags you to the core
Be still and drink in a little bit more

The Peace Of Me

Photo by Engin Akyurt on
They’re gonna think I’m a bad person
I hear my ego boom
There’s only room for one
Of us in this room
And the heat is warm
I don’t have the heart for another storm
Only winter is coming
I feel the chill
Calls the leaves off the trees
That suddenly will
Fall to the floor
The pine soft carpet 
If you look for Love
You’ll find that you are It
In the summer weather
As you walk amongst the heather
In purples and blue
All reflecting the shades of you
To let the seasons be
Is more than has ever been asked of me
Coz I fight the tide
That screams the moon means you’re alive
But a cyclical wind
Only ever blows more karma and sin
What is beyond
I ask the air and abscond 
Into serenity
Be still and know the Peace of me

Even If I Could

There were days I wanted to
As I stumbled down the hall
Keep my head up
When I feel like I’m gonna fall
Or drown under it all
And they say the words and they echo
But they can’t get me to let go
Of what keeps me straight
I tell the truth, they say to wait
And this secret eats me up
When I know it’s born of love
Brimming full of a Sunday sun
Like God is the only one
Who could ever know
What it is I can’t let show
Coz it’s dark and crazy and gets me locked up
It’s as though I know I must drink from this cup
And we all die
And cry
Behind closed doors
Or not at all
I wonder which is worse in my own freefall
And the darkness came one sudden night
Some kind of fire to ignite
In a vacuum empty
And it wasn’t until I was twenty
That I realized
Beyond the clouds are blue skies
And somewhere in the midst of all the hate
Is food on my dinner plate
And a feast at the table
Lift your head if you’re able
Coz few are those who could do it for ya
So don’t rely on the dictum, do ya
Find that sweet source beneath the pain
There’s a place beyond the rain
And when you’re soaked through and through
You wake up to the reality, don’t you?

Delegitimization Of Experience

I get how psychology 
Can be used to delegitimize your experience
Like who’s that girl
And what’s she at
They came at me
Like they want me back
And hold me against my will
With the upmost skill
They bandage my eyes
Til I can’t see
But I’ve a North Star leading me
Down the avenue
By the coast
Spelling out what I love the most
And he swears he’s right
But I feel my head get light
When he suggests
What I should ingest
And it’s all for the higher power
So I surrender to God
It makes it possible to bear the rod
That clips my my fingers
As I grasp the cliff
Holding forever in a what if

Conflict In The Vortex

It’s like sex doesn’t exist
Though it pertinently does
As it drew you down from above
Into a human incarnation
Til all the cells are in formation
And in a cohesive whole
Come together to house your soul
In a container, a vessel pure
But mind your language, you must be demure
And not let your thoughts stray
Admit to thinking and feeling that way
About him
And a woman can’t win
Coz she gets beat
If she can’t stand the heat
Of the furnace roar
Blowing a blazing breeze into a soar
As it brushes back your hair
Did you know that I was there
When I looked at you
I thought you looked at me too
But the army’s engaged
And, the battle, it raged
On an open plain
Saying we’ll never do that again
But we do, obviously
And it is no mystery
Why in these many streams
We can’t be the one who dreams
Coz we keep waking with a shudder
And I may never be a mother
Coz I’m hopelessly devoted to a dream that I
Will follow til the day I die
And I dunno
If it will let me go
And make a life
Be someone’s other half, their wife
And the suitors are few
But each one of them borrowed their eyes from you

The Sound Of One Heart Breaking

Questioning these sacred concepts
The weight of the world that makes war
And I mourn you but I don’t know what for
Is it just the pain serves to remind
There’s a place you have not left behind
And I break down on the floor
Coz the sound of the door
Shutting cracks my skin
And I try not to let it in
But the light is coming from the inside out
And it replaces all my doubt
With the ferver of another land
Would you understand
If I told you I just had to let it be
It’s like all of my soul’s been taken from me
When you breathed your last
Or when I discovered a thing of the past
No more what it is
And I call myself His
But it’s a running game
And it’s all the same
No way to stem the flow
Of what you cannot let go
I wipe the tears from my face
Just in case
Anyone sees me in that place
But you’re in my heart
And the mark
That was made
Is the same scar that scabbed over what’s saved
Did it come to me too early to appreciate
Fourteen years old in another state
Where time and space don’t exist
But in the present I just subsist
On the bread of another longing
And the people are thronging
Round the gates of hell
Begging to be let in, as well
And I cannot follow
The tree into the hollow
Of what you came to show
I love you forever, I hope you know

Singing In My Summer Clothes

Singing in my summer clothes
Have one on me, one for the road
And it’s long but it leads back to You
The only path, the one that is true
And I fight with the storm in my veins
Countenance curious pains
That attempt to distract
From the fact I want him back
But he’s sold to some other source
And I have no remorse
About speaking my mind
I didn’t leave you behind
Just on hold
To be brave and to be bold
Enough to truly say
I didn’t want you to go away
But doubted my ability, okay
There’s nothing I can make stay
Coz it’s all built on sand that’s shifting
Tell me who I should be gifting
With a midnight purpose scene
I thought You and I was just a dream

A Dream In Consciousness

Is life just a dream in consciousness 
That we are all having together
Some focal points
That personalize the weather
And we trudge and we scorn
But we don’t realise why we were born
As we find our way up the hill
But there’s clarity when things get still
And I lived a summer when someone die
I was so sad I couldn’t cry
Like a sky
Being too cold to snow
I loved him so I let him go
But I found something else
In the depths of myself
That made everything clear
And I held him dear
But I couldn’t keep him
I woke from my sleep and
I thought it was all made up
For a moment but it was not enough
To quiet my shaking hand
As realisation made me understand
That the man under the sea
Behind the boat that he
Tried to rescue was simply
A way of dealing with what I couldn’t control
It was so vast the waves didn’t roll
But made an empty silent sound
I’m lost for someone I want around
And she backed away from me
I let her go coz I want to be free
And she don’t understand
I ignore her fatigue and her underhand
That strikes out
She is full of doubt
But that don’t make more solid stone
And we are both alone
Coz we can’t trust
The moment when the balloon went bust
And splattered the paint
My mind couldn’t handle it so I faint
On the floor in front of Room One
No one knows the Sun
That shone
For a moment it was gone
Then it reappear
And a friend I hold so dear
Told me I should get it checked out
But I just want to shout
It from the rooftop
That there is no bad cop
To fear
The Lord is ever near
And catches everyone like a net
It happened to me, now I can’t forget
All that has come to pass
The time goes by but this last
Through the seasons of change
And the acting strange
And the loss is not what I thought I knew
I am always with you

New Dawn

I spilt all of the blood on the floor
For the sake of what I couldn’t adore
And he blames me for his strife
All because I wouldn’t be his wife
And he’s got dues and he’s got paid
But I wonder does he ever raid
The inside of a closet dark
It’s not Narnia walking through this park
As I stand tall against the wind
And the people say I’ve sinned
Because I wouldn’t bow to the extreme
Don’t they know that life’s a dream
I try to hold it in
But the word begin
To speak its own message true
It doesn’t stop because of you
And I sat shivering on the chair
Til I realized the cold don’t get in there
Unless I let it in
And I’m just dancing with Him
In this grand swathe we call the earth
Love isn’t born to hurt
No matter what they teach you in school
About the heat and being cool
Coz the sun just shot me through the heart
With a cherub’s aim and holy dart
And I fell to the floor
With the shock of something more
That just found me in the room
It characterizes the sense of doom
With a laugh and a smile
You don’t have to walk the green mile

The Ominous Cloud

The ominous cloud
Hangs over your wall
She says that it’s better
Coz it makes you tall
To want to see over
The match that she’s made
But all this cement
Just puts me in the shade
As she cries and wails
And moans and tears
How could I have put up
With this for years
As she tries to convince
To follow her way
But I’m not down to serve
What you think that you say
And you hit hard and hit soft
It depends on the weather
Throw a knife in my back
So you can know it better
And it’s nothing but forests
This calamitous rain
It seems she takes refuge
In the hallways of pain
And she claims that she loves me
She swears she does
But she gets out her gun
To shoot my white doves
And I forgive
But I move away
I won’t be bowed low
By the things that you say
By the attitude you wear
Like a camisole top
I gave you my heart
But my soul you have not

Your Supernova

You supernova 
And I’ll pull ova
In my car
Pick you up at the bar
Coz you don’t drive
Are you still alive
Coz I never know
People are there
And then they go
And is it just my belief
That death could be blessed relief
Or some kind of saintly air
All I know is Heaven is there
When you break the sun like a smile
And I’m wondering all the while
“Will this thing end?”
But I’m your friend
In a come what may
I won’t give up on what you say
When you say it to me
I kiss the bird and I set him free

Dropping The Bass

One moment of togetherness in the pit of my stomach
It’s like that drop when the rollercoaster plummet
And you know that there’s no going back
You’re my personal heart attack
In a dark room or on a screen
And it was later I saw you as the dream
Always at arms length away
Coz it’s not safe if you stay
That close to me
You’re threatening my captivity
And I wanna be free
So I got lost in a degree
Where I make two and two equal four
But you’re on the other side of the door
Singing please let me in
So I let myself love him
Soft and slow
Like I am letting you go
But then I took a storm
Said this thing isn’t even warm
Though the lightning cracks
And you let loose some things you can’t take back
And I swore we’d never speak again
And I lost my tenuous faith in men
But it keeps coming back to find me
I’m just being eccentric so don’t mind me
When this reel is done
I’ll shine like the fuckin sun

The Elucidate

Trying to elucidate 
The thing I used to call my fate
And I’ve got a lot on my plate
As they silence the confusion
But watch what you’re calling a delusion
Coz you don’t know what you say
They don’t understand so they put me away
And I fought and I raged against the machine
But would you make war with a dream
Or just see the sunset over the glen
And if I fight it’ll just happen again
One where the man breathes down my neck
And search for a ship he can wreck
And will I just be mad til my dying day
Or will the pain just go away
If I stand up and believe
She rolled up tissues under my sleeve
So I’d have something if I got stuffy nosed
The camera was paused so I posed
But I just look like him
So I took it again

Can psychosis be precocious 
Or is it just kundalini
Is it love or does it just demean me
Like the woman said on the tv
I’m four years old and I cut my knee
I still have the scar
At 64 will that be what you are
Just another favor of my youth
Oh, time can be such a brute
It offers you the sky
But with a catch, you die
In the end or before your time
I’m hesitant so I rhyme
To make sense of things
Meaning out of broken wings
And I was in a tight enclosure
Thought I’d die from exposure
To the sun
Coz there’s this light shining from everyone
And the man passed my bed
I thought I’d pass out instead
Coz I was just riding the vibe
Living (coz I am alive)
And he thought it was the bathroom glare
There were no locks in there
And they would bang on the door
And say; “just doing the check”
And I’m just some ship you wreck
With your foreign shore
Why the hell do I want more
Instead of less
It’s like some sort of undress
When my soul is bare
And you found the thread that started the tear
I got in your head and wound up in there
Where they parcel the joy
But I exchange it for a boy
I just found by the side of the road
I said to leave down the load
Even just for a moment, in my presence
And I could feel his essence
Start to fly
I hope I don’t die
Before I see him again
And I break my rule on men

Meaning And Loss

Do me a favor
And cut all the bull
I’ve got skin as thin as cotton wool
But I see through you
Oh, what are you gonna do
Just call me out
Coz with every word that spills from your mouth
You’re writing your own death cert in the ether
And you didn’t mind so I guess I don’t either
And you called me a bitch
So I text your wife and be a snitch
You call me a traitor
But I know you hate her
By the way you stare
With emptiness instead of care
And what’s it to me, you say
Well what’s it to you anyway
And we’re just fighting like two bickering strangers
What about the land of the free and foreign invaders
On the political scene
Our opposite poles hold up the dream
Of life and choice
What unites the sides is lack of a voice
So I just surrender
And you remember
All we were before the rule broke
Like a gunshot and a finishing line rope
Who’s first past the post
And what’s left if both of us ghost
The place we knew
If a tree falls in silence who hears it, do you?

When We Are Together

I looked up, you caught my eye
And I thought; oh man what a guy
And I swear this love will never die
Not even if you try
To fit it into a little box
But I’m a magician and I undid all the locks
So that you might be free
But then you just ghosted me
And I look at my phone
It rings but I’m still alone
As I beg you to listen
And the diamonds glisten
On your rock hard skin
Why did you let me in
Just to put me out
And all of your self doubt
Drives a wedge between us both
I search the room for my coat
Coz I gotta leave
And would you believe
Me if I told you the truth
Pilgrimages to our wild youth
As we sing our hearts onto the screen
Was it all just a dream
All those 5 a.m. morning shows
I’m with you and anything goes
And I’m not sure but I think that he knows
And he’s lost people too
I act like I’m the Boss around you
Coz we were both born to run
And you stole the sun
From my sky
When you let the flower die
Not from want of soil
But from the emotions that embroil
And you rely on attention
But there are things I dare not mention
For want of words
I told you but I don’t think you heard

Making The Words Mine

I’m at a loss as to what to do
I’m staring at the ocean when I’m staring at you
And it’s staring back
What do I lack
When you endlessly unfold
And pave the path of solid gold
Back to the core
And I just want you more
Than I’ve ever wanted anything
You taught me how to sing
My own tune
And the ground quakes when you’re in the room
I wake up with shakes of equivalent doom
That haunts me at night
Oh, what is my plight
That I’m ever effervescent in the forest of time
To make a promise that makes the words mine

The Disease Of Dissatisfaction

Photo by Ian Turnell on
You sit in silence, you hear the sound
Of doom now that it’s all around
And I swear I’m a first class citizen
So don’t pity them 
Those who ask to see you cry
Because they know everyone die
And they’re trying to put off the date
But why let it lie in wait
I stood up in my two boots
And issued a challenge to my roots
And I grow into a tree
Stuck in the same spot, you see 
And the vibration gives off waves
Are you the hero who always saves
Like Superman but in his Smallville years
Don’t think I didn’t see the tears
You cried in secret
I made a promise and I keep it 
Every day, I said I won’t forget
And you challenge me but I haven’t yet
I was hiding in the bush
When I said there was no rush
And you were in the long grass
When you worked up the nerve to ask
Me out on a date
You call it logistics, I call it fate
Coz what was held between us both
That evening on the coast
Of the shore that we both know
I love him so I let it flow


That single syllable that’s uttered inside
Does it go away when a person has died
That resounding Om
Does it disappear or does it just go home
And the gong, it rings
The spirit sings
And we are entrapped in everythings
Like diamonds, jewels, bands of gold
What you buy and what isn’t sold
I left the mountain I hold so dear
I abandoned a friend and it’s crystal clear
That I did her wrong
And her song
Sings to me in the darkest night
Lord, I hope she is alright
Because she had to fight fire and bone
Stand up straight when she was all alone
And she’s always been something like home
Though I no longer stare at my phone
Hoping something will come through
And that I might hear from you
Like the days of yore
And what we all were before
The crystal glass cracked and shattered
Like a cod we’re a little bit battered
And I don’t pretend to entertain
What you lived out in vain
But the rain
Falls on all of us
And trust
Is not something you can break
When it is constant and for my sake
The glistening
Of a bird on the wing
As it shoots through the sky
Suspended between what will and will not die
Will always rise
And the horizon
Will always shine
It is minute but it is mine

Trauma And Its Evidence

Do I break the lid on categorical pain
That seems to be as seasonal as rain
And some people walk through a waterfall
But they don’t seem to get wet at all
And I climbed up mountains and I ran down valleys
Befriended enemies and demonized allies
But it never got me away
From what I quintessentially say
And as a baby I cried a lot
But what was it that time forgot
My first day of school
Or when that girl broke the golden rule
Watched my reflection in another’s eyes
Or felt the pain when somebody dies
Like my skin is being ripped from my bones
Or the silence when I’m all alone
Feels so much like peace
When the noise cease
And you can’t erase the childhood you own
The good, the bad, before the iPhone
That we didn’t post
Or the narcissism when that person ghost
Me over something I didn’t say
So I let her walk away
Took it out on a guy
Who was the answer and the reason why
The stars shone like diamonds in his eyes
He suddenly lit up the night skies
And the river runs deep and true
I forgot about loss the moment that you
Held my hand, they were all asleep
And is it just like a trinket I keep
Like so many others
And the cloud smothers
Me with its love
Though I still look above
For a being I can’t find
I didn’t really go out of my mind
I just had to get away
And what people say
Claws at me
But the thaw reaches deep and sets me free
From the aching of time
A moment, nothing, and then It was mine

Forever Shenanigans

Forever shenanigans
Last longer than war
And when you're wondering what it's all for 
Look to your right and I'll be there
She thinks I don't care
But it's not that 
I just like him back
In a way I can't explain
It's like the falling rain
Doesn't give a reason why
And I'm terrified because I know that I 
Must suffer everyone to die
Til the day that I pass
And I'm not sure that even that last 
Coz, you know, reincarnation
Or heaven and hell and the tv station
Seems to reinforce that kind of show
And I can't let go 
Of all that passes like water through my hands
Like hourglass teaches the sands
To look like they fall
But you just turn the damn thing over and all
The story starts again
And you know that men
Look like they have it on lock
But when you look in their eyes they're not
All they appear to be
And I love that he's free
But, still, to me
He's the same old warrior I met
In a year I won't forget 
Coz it was almost past an hour
When I was overpowered
By the loss of a soulmate, friend
One moment you're fine
The next, the end
And you were at that show, in blue
And I spent time thinking of you
Til I was broken by the way of it all
At the lake, then a freefall
Into what I can't control
And I won't play the role
Of a faithful wife
Or a critic cynical about life 
I just gotta say
That it seems true that to go away
Is to come home
But I was never alone


The sun is shining
The leaves are green
And I thank you for
All that you have been
In the midnight stars
Or ocean blues
I see you in
Sunset hues
And when the dawn
Comes for the day
I thank you for
What's gone away
And what has risen
In its place
I'm home again
In open space