I saw you like a hero
Like a saviour in the stream
Like a wild songwriter
Surfing a moonbeam
And you have got your failings
As everybody must
And though I see them clearly
There’s something I still trust
Like the darkness in your eye
Unconquerable and deep
Or the innocence of a child
Lost in a sleep
And I know that I can’t have you
Im not sure if I ever could
I just wrote to tell you honestly
That I still would
Hold your hand so gently
So softly and sincere
You still mean it all
It all to me, my dear
I saw Jesus in your eyes
Did I ever tell you so
Well I wasn’t supposed to
So I guess that’s a no
And I’d always loved
My hidden Saviour
He never reprimanded
Me my behaviour
Only spoke softly
To point out the way
Picked me up from the earth
When it wasn’t going away
And for a moment
I thought you had stole
The power of safety
The man in my soul
So I turned away
Only to hide
I’ve got to keep
My Jesus alive
But there’s an impending
Crucifixtion
I wonder can you read it
In my diction
Artwork: Jared Emerson – Face of God
I saw the shadow of my soul in the indent of his eyes
I took it on the chin and it took me by surprise
Like the sun and the moon forever apart
Until that time of day when they both take heart
And you’re not a perfect person, I could list your flaws
And there is an ice inside that never thaws
But I saw you in the ash though you hid in the smoke
And you handed me a fiver when I was going broke
But I am no beggar, at least not anymore
And I am tired of knocking at the same damn door
When I know the truth is this, you’re not who I sought
Although you just might be the best lie I ever bought
A mysterious presence
An unspeakable quiet
My life was a hoot
Man it was a riot
Til it all burned down
Back into ash
I once was impulsive
Yeah I used to be rash
Go storming in
And storming back out
Never knowing when
To shut my mouth
As the chains encircled
I felt the vice
Til it trapped me there
It wasn’t nice
Then she walked right in
With the softest arms
Told me she’d
Keep me from harm
Told me she’d
Never let me go
And, well
She didn’t, you know
And the blush it colours
Her cheeks so red
Every time I repeat
Just what she said
That she loved me so
And would always be
Here with me
Eternally
Its not something about you
Its intrinsicality
And I am only now
Beginning to see
That the same is true
For my own dear self
Indeed if we are talking
Is there anybody else
It was nothing that you said
It was nothing that you did
It was just the simple light
The simple light that’s his
That shines from every eye
From each and every pair
A subtle reminder
Of something that is there
But when I look in the mirror
All vacant and numb
Losing the looks
I never had when I was young
I see nothing but peace
Papered over with skin
Its nothing about me
Its just that I am him
Image Credit : nsn on Pinterest
Leave up your tools
Leave up your weapons
Your weariness
And your confessions
Your striving to
Be better than most
Your kneeling to
The Holy Ghost
Give it all up
And follow me now
Into the depths
Of what I’ll allow
Into the chasm
A cave of sorts
There’s no one left
With whom to consort
Give up your tired
Old way of thieving
And all your absence
Of believing
All the ways
You rid yourself
Of the world
And everything else
Give up the struggle
For you’ve struggled in vain
To hold my hand
Under the rain
I bring the Sun
For I am That
Follow me now
And don’t look back
The one who’s troubled
And the one who sees
Share the same place
And so I grieve
For I am only
Occupancy
For all that I
Will never be
Til a different movement
Takes my hand
Collapse the ground
Upon which you stand
Collapse the mount
You made yourself
For it can’t be done
By anyone else
Not my will
But thine own be done
The power of
The Holy One
The Power of
The Immortal Being
That’s looking through
These eyes as Seeing
That lifts my arm
So I can walk
That moves a body
So it can talk
That causes subtle
Fade aways
Like stars
At the end of days
That causes love
That points out hate
So everything is kept
In its place
That secret, hidden
Silence underneath
That’s walking as
My path to feet
That’s moving as
My blood to air
The peace that
Just isn’t there
The Nothing that
Can e’er be touched
And all that
I love so much
Is fueling a different
Roundabout
As it is pouring
Out my mouth
Back to home
Back to Now
I bring myself
To You and bow
Sailing a ship to the furthest forever
Irrespective of bad weather
Setting sail upon the tide
Life or death I’ll be alive
As the wind lifts me high
Upon the mast that I fly
No grounded bird to always be
But on the wings of the free
Image Credit: Aqua Luna Hong Kong
Lost to the ravages of time
Was the golden that used to be mine
That holy light
I’d touch the air and ignite
Now, no more
Every knock upon a closed door
But like she said
When different demons were in my head
Sometimes the way
Is made so you can’t even say
Yes to this or no to that
All you know is you can’t go back
In your dusty boots
Stumbling the rest of the route
Any water, please?
No, my dear, learn how to grieve
In the arid sun
I guess there’s still a Golden One
Image Credit: Huff Post, Becoming a desert girl
The consciousness contracts
Into a denser state
I was the world
Now I’m just a place
But no matter what
They say or do
There is something they
Can’t take from you
Something they can’t
Lay hands upon
Something you gave
So now its gone
Something you love
That will always be
Within, without
Eternally
Image Credit: https://8tracks.com/chimericalist/cosmic-love-a-space-fanmix
I saw the White Light
I saw Supreme
In an instant I
Woke from the dream
But upon rising
I found myself
In the same damn place
As everyone else
And yet I split the sun
It shone from the cracks
The glass had shattered
And now I can’t go back
But falling to thieves
I stumbled forth
And they stole from me
With no remorse
I offered hands
I offered bread
They took all
And left me for dead
Now here in the gutter
I stare at the sky
With a star sparkling
In my eye
Image Credit: Florence + the Machine
Sitting underneath the Bodhi tree
It is just the Bodhisattva and me
And we do not talk, we do not converse
He sings in lyricism and I in verse
How could I be but a passing thread
Playing a tune to call the dead
And are we what they told us then
I lose faith to find it again
To find it on ground that knows the earth
Soil that could never be dirt
Air that is always pure
An angel in a dream demure
And when it is half past ten
I get up and leave the door again
For consciousness is but dreaming prose
And waking, the one I chose
I delay the Infinite
In losing myself to the trite
In losing myself to the come what may
Oh Lord, what I put off until another day
And yet it can never even be said
That glorious feast, the wonderous spread
Though I can’t bear to take a taste
For fear of what goes to waste
I see the Sun upon the hill
But mine eyes only ring until
I close them to the Holy Light
Enveloped in my own midnight
Oh Saviour, do you know the cause
It gives me breath, it gives me pause
Til the speaking once more utters itself
And kneels me down upon someone else
Do you know the Source, do you know the Spring
Where the water rises from Within
Do you know the Sea, do you know the route
As it comes home to the Truth
I have no greater tale than this
I fell upon what I cannot miss
And everywhere, wherein I be
It is all that I can see
No multitude, diversity
Just the Silence in the tree
Whereon he died, under which he sat
So many stories but I am That
In the eyes of what you can’t see
Will destiny come back for me?
The tears are falling from Yeshua’s eyes
When I look inside I see everybody dies
And he’s got bullets in his hands and feet
Salty water where the rivers meet
And I do nothing to testify
I just sit in my room, contemplate and cry
Missing the whole point of the dear thing
He gave up his body so I could sing
He gave up his mind, he gave up will
And I’ve given nothing but a promise until
The seas roar and the clouds overshadow
What’s growing inside my fields so fallow
And I will yield it all at the break
Give what they never even thought to take
That flesh may come and flesh may go
But it happens within what I do not know
Through the eye of deficiency
Through the needle of storm
I find the place
Where the heat is still warm
Where courage abides
And beauty abounds
Where silence is heard
In the absence of sound
The Grace of Guruji
Manifesting in my life
I didn’t know the Truth
Until you came into my life
I had ideas
I had games
I had bodies
I had names
But I never had my Self
Can such a thing be said
Thought you knew Beauty
Only after you were dead
But illusion crashed down
Like a tree upon the hill
Breaking all the branches
I had clung unto at will
Til monkey mind is no more
Walking out the door
I didn’t know that I was lying
Til I stood up from the floor
I sit on the stool and hold his hand
He says, “It’s ok, I’m fine, be grand”
And I know that it’s true
But it doesn’t take depth away from you
He sighs the air
And I feel the weight of all that is there
“Look, See”
He turns around again to me
And the silent storm
The colour of tide we all call warm
And I see the shadow of another day
The ashes that burnt away
It’s me too
I look back again to you
Two eyes that peer
And in that moment, crystal clear
Subtle defeat
In the sound of my own heartbeat
The wayfaring stranger
The wandering soul
The infinite sky
The dark black hole
You move like the sea
You breathe like the air
You love like fire
And just being there
You lit up my life
Like a starshot stream
You woke up the lion
And ended the dream
You left like the night
Before the dawn
And what can’t be seen
Is never gone
Image Credit: @partyrosalipsx https://pin.it/wjwfj4qwnfl275
I move with the sea
In tides I roll
Everybody compresses
Their immortal soul
Down into matter
Down into form
Down into just
Keeping the bed warm
And I don’t have the answer
Don’t know the explain
Why the wind comes in sheets
And the air blows in rain
But I know this much
Though I don’t as much say
That life comes in waves
To keep things at bay
Image Credit: Elentori on DeviantArt
Kissing dust at the edge of the sky
The feeling of wanting to both live and die
As I come apart slowly in your hands
Salty water where sea meets the sands
And there are no firestorms here
Only candlelight and your breath in the mirror
To quench the fog I’ve held for so long
To bring me back to where I belong
Resting as always by your side
Within is without and I am alive
Now that I know what I’ve kept at bay
The something inside that’s not going away
Image Source: https://pin.it/elju6ednwy7wob
The anthroplogist in me
Wants to see this bird set free
Wants to see this bird fly home
To a place that is her own
But all the arching backs to see
Like cats on windowpanes to be
Even though the going’s long
I think, I know, I’m not wrong
Did I mess up
The wind whistles windowpanes through my cup
And I see the fault was with you and not
With me, in my fiction glance
But does he wanna dance?
Basic bitch
This modern vernacular
Got me confused
And I feel blue and in need
For the twining of each dreadlock
In my hair (They’re not really there)
And all these emoticons
I use the old word even though it’s gone
I hide in the darkness so no one will see
The depth of the light that lives on in me
The strength of the power to there reside
Is a secret I keep, is something I hide
For it is my power that scares me the most
The beauty of that holy ghost
The spirit of light to here divise
That all of us move and each one will rise
The winter wore on for longer that year
And to tell you the truth I shed no tear
For I love snow in all its glory
And if you come close I’ll tell you a story
I know I can be a little abrasive
But if we’re talking flaws then you are evasive
Always dodging the questions I ask
Deciphering answers is quite a task
But one that I love to enjoy
You know I’m a girl? You’re just a boy
And you could never reach the tower I height
But if you are nice I’ll let you alright
And the view can be a double time
Instead of the solitary that is mine
Because being the best is a lonesome thing
When there’s no one to sit with you while you sing
And if you wouldn’t mind taking part…..
I’ll give you my jacket if you give me your heart
Remember that time you called me a headcase
And I grabbed the paper so I could erase
All signage that I had done
Why did I tell him that he was the One?
And you look speculatively at my despair
I wish you didn’t have such good hair
And an arrogant face to dimple a smile
I tell you could you leave me for a while
And you say sure but you do not move
And I’m getting madder the longer you groove
In that particular vibe
Don’t you know, son, I won’t leave you alive
But you just shrug as you sit on the stairs
I don’t really mind, at least someone cares
I remember you were standing on the steps of College Green
And when I hear you speak its the American Dream
That I heard an eon of long, long time ago
When I was a child listening to the radio
And Michael was singing about being Black and White
And I thought ya, kill it man, I’m up for the ride
Because I have always felt, I have always known
The ground must be planted before the flowers grown
And even though I doubted and even though I fail
You speak your heart to me and I am out of jail
You speak your truth in lines, and by varying degrees
I’m shaking as I stand but I’m up off my knees
To hobble round the city, the Dublin that I fear
I thought there to myself, what am I doing here
In a life that I can’t live, as a person I can’t be
When did I start following what they said to me
Instead of living the leader that is calling my bones
Get up and get out and stop them throwing stones
At the women in Gibraltar, at the men in the East
It signed, sealed, delivered and soon to be deceased
And I just want to thank you for the Audacity of Hope
To light me up in times when I couldn’t even cope
And remind me once again and remind me once more
Just what in the hell I’m doing all this for
Because we want change and you know, yes we can
Thank you for the years, Brother, you’re the Man!
I guess I’m just a psychopathic stray
And you pierce the veil til I go away
No mention of the charge you have run up
You find the place where you can make a cut
And if man is so fickle as that
And your love can change at the drop of a hat
Then I’m not so sure I want to be a part of
The crossword that you have called love
Cause I can’t figure out what it means
While you run along tripping sunbeams
I wonder why and where you’ve gone
Wish my feelings had not lasted this long
But you are only what I want to hold
An ethereal passing by as I fold
No more permanency than a lightning strike
Just cause it didn’t last didn’t mean you weren’t bright
But I can’t always be waiting for it to hit twice
It was from a distance you lit up my life
And though you may come by in a storm
You can’t dampen the spirit of a heart that is warm
So though I wish to forsake
It all for you cause you make the earth quake
I cannot ignore the fact
That you hurt me bad and you never came back
So sidle on down the road
I see your truck hasn’t slowed
And I will find a peace somewhere within
That you don’t own and you can’t unhinge
Though you may have never meant to trip
I fell hard for you and I was not equipped
For the long, slow, hard ride to my feet
I was not prepared for us to meet
And you are lovely and angelic there
But you can be all that some other where
And illuminate all that surrounds
I won’t be the place your electricity grounds
They say once bitten, then twice shy
What I’m trying to say is goodbye
We can’t always be a push and pull
A driving away and then too full
It’s enough to know that you exist
Somewhere in an atmosphere the stars have kissed
And if you ever do get the chance
Then I mean it when I say I hope you dance
And find whatever source makes your wheels go round
When it is the truth you’ll know the sound
I guess I just did not find it in you
I lost myself cause I wanted to
But a circle always spins back to the start
In the end you never had my heart
Cause it is wild, unbound and free
And you only ever wanted to capture me
But I was not meant to be caged
In a book you wrote as your feelings raged
I am ever still the way I am
I hope that you can understand
I still think you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen
Though you stabbed me in the back and shattered my dream
And I’ve seen sights like wild fields and hills
But they don’t swallow the void that your face kills
So soft and sweet like the hairs on your chin
That shadows the hollows that define you within
But though you cross valleys and traverse foreign shores
You can’t distance away all that I am for
And wherever you go or what you may discover
It will be imbued with what we uncover
And your love will follow and stay by my side
I am the keeper of what you confide
Whispered so honestly in secret tones
In all that passes you are still my home
Where I will return when the midnight is due
From the depths of my being I will always love you
And forever’s just a word to hint at the crime
That happened just once when we stopped time
In the creases and folds and the fabric of space
There is a beauty nothing can erase
And it bears your name in the wrinkles you bend
Lighting up eyes that do not end
In the ochre or blackness or the scorching you do
With a heat that the desert cannot compare to
In the holding of hands or the touch that you weave
It only takes a moment to kneel and believe
In everything you profess and all that you are
This is my wish and you my shooting star
Photo Credit: http://pin.it/YiYB6ur
If you’re gonna leave I’d rather you just go
Than traipse round in your boots putting on a show
If you really don’t care then I’d rather just know
Than go along for the ride you have on the down low
And you ride the wave of just being there
But you won’t tell me a truth that lays us both bare
So we move along in random solitude
Imposed externally by your attitude
So don’t bite the bait if the rope is too fine
And don’t tell me a lie that you are mine
But for all my efforts at heavy expense
The woods on your side don’t get any less dense
Maybe some people just don’t have it
The emptiness at the centre of their soul
The vacuum that sucks all life into itself
And I’m going on the assumption that this is true
Cause it doesn’t make sense otherwise
That someone could feel this way and still live a life of lonely abrasion
And I don’t apologise for the way that I am
If you can’t handle it I am not holding you here
I can barely thread the needle of my own atoms
So there’s no obligation on you to pin cushion my life
With your objections to my dignity
So sail on and may the horizon be the glow that endures
But I could never find in borrowed light
Just what I’m looking for
There’s much variation in land masses
Always a new city
A conglomeration of buildings standing wall to wall
But when you really sit back to look at it, we’re under a sky that doesn’t care at all
And I’ve been searching with my soul in a backpack, trying to pinpoint a star
To find the spot underneath that holds the key to my heart
But whatever the patterns drawn out in a spherical sky
It’s a different shape in actuality than appears to my eye
And is not revolving the way planetariums suppose
But rather my whole world shares in one universal prose
Just another ball of rock or a living breathing being
But it has no qualms as to the tears it will streak across the picture that we’re seeing
As it hurricanes humanity with tidal wave force
We talk about protecting the planet but it shows no remorse
To an inessential species whose disposability
Terrifies the midnight of what we presume ourselves to be
And all the ancient wisdom and the markings in caves
Doesn’t stop the onslaught of what comes at me in waves
Building to a crescendo like a fire crackling sticks
I’m burning in the flames and we’re all just candle wicks
With limited lifespan getting shorter every day
You can’t decry the summer solstice and what it puts away
Just a season cyclically is my life in reverb
I’m sorry I got mad at you, it’s just you hit a nerve
When you spoke to me the truth and I finally realised
The centre of gravity coming from your eyes
And it spoke to me of the weight that I had learned to bear
And the cracks in my facade that nothing can repair
Like all searing honesty it hit me instantly
To know that I am not for you all you are to me
A bridge to the other side where somethings ushered in
The death of all that I had hoped never would begin
And a kind of comfort to see somewhere outside
A part of me reflected that I could abide
And love fervently and true and far beyond reproach
I’m falling through the shadows and you were my last hope
As infinitesimal emptiness turns monumental ache
I have long wondered what it is that wakes
And moves through this body as a ramrod guide
Forcing me to walk down paths when I would rather hide
And salvage in the yard all of my remains
See through the desperation that was fueling my pain
That set me in the car that I drove off the road
And crumpled underneath the silk of a heavy load
As mountainous the forests stood me in their stead
But when I looked up from death I found something else instead
Or rather it found me in the long lost of a cab
Trapped in the humanity of thinking you are bad
That all your faults are real and the demons that pursue
Are not phantoms insubstantial but intensely part of you
That even though the night is deep and misty black
Somewhere a light pierced through that nothing can take back
For once you have seen or been struck down wherein you stand
You can’t undo the protein chain that makes you understand
That all of life’s a bottle just bobbing in the sea
And my only mistake was thinking it was me
That moves in with the tide and out again in motion
All I am is not what is suggested by the ocean
That rhythms by the moon as we once again seek meaning
For the reasoning behind the cohesion life’s agreeing
Resting on a pinprick of knife edge subsistence
There could be no higher order when we’re committed to resistance
As we lose our lives in seeking to grapple with and hold
You can’t capture the ochre that fades the sunset gold
With ardent eyes affectionate, though you give in to stare
I still look at the space left without you there
But no matter how I try to contain the marshalled sound
There is no hiding the obviousity when you are not around
And seeping at the pores is the unmanned sovereignty
That you were not contained by your relationship to me
And the love that bound our bodies loosened and let go
It may be many years, I still miss you though
No matter what they say or the way it all conspires
I’ll kneel down and be burnt in these purifying fires
To finally succumb to the white light that I am
It was there all along I just didn’t see the plan
Or connect the dots as they speckled my vision
You cut me through the heart with clinical precision
And I found that in the beating something was alive
I don’t have to die to be by your side
You’re at the edge of unquantifiability
And I can’t say I follow the line
Of your string theory interscope
Though I spend all of my time
Trying to decipher
The markings on your skin
Evidence of a tribal
That has scarred you from within
And you are like an animal
That scares easily from man
Though I don’t blame you
Cause you see what no one else can
And it is heartbreak to be crushed
Under your sleight of hand
And my only consolation
Is that you understand
Just what you are doing
As you slowly rip to shreds
All the scattered of the pieces
That are floating in my head
But I drift away
On the wavelength of a sound
That bends in quadratics
When you’re not around
And anchors me deeper
Into the roots I have grown
You are the only loss
The earth has ever known
As it spirals kaleidoscopic
And pierces my bodily flesh
It was just a misapprehension
When I felt you knew me best
As we matched fingertips
As we sat hand to hand
The undiscoverable
Opened out the land
That spread freedom wide
Amid the loveliness untold
But it not enough
And we fall back into the fold
That we both feel hit home
At having been cast out
Of the abyss we were born from
Now the birds are heading south
As I realise targeted
Arrows hit only once
You eyes do not meet mine
And I have lost the sun
I want to be inspiring
Or beautiful
Or both
I don’t want to write the night
Anymore
Though I have written it well
As well as can be written
When darkness is your subject matter
As it turns to a golden sheen
In the morning light
But there is another way
Another turn of phrase
That lifts you up
To higher consciousness it seems
And rewards are your delight
And the marks that have been made
Filter away,
Pourously, as though they were never there
To the pure calm space within
That always holds its peace
I don’t want to write the world in vain
I want to write the glorious
Of undying rain
As it pours heavy from the sky
On me
I know you feel you have to keep quiet
Cause you’re the entertainer most complete
And all of those eyes are trained on you
Like a performer in the street
But those are your loneliest moments
Where you break and the splint cracks
And try as you might to hold up the weight
You can’t get what you had back
And I want you to know, though you don’t like me at all
(Sometimes I’m the bane of your life)
That I see through the lies of your preeminent disguise
And I have you in my sight
And if you want to be fragile, come apart at the seams
You can do so in my arms
Or far away, an ocean apart
I’ll hold you when it all is dark
For though you have a life you profess wonderful
And I’m not denying it’s true
I see the gaps in between the lines
That’s hiding a part of you
Though you swam away to a foreign shore
And swore me off for good
I love you as much as the day that you left
And a million times more than I should
So if you feel alight on a cloud that is stormy
I’ll blow a breath that will bring you here
And just for a moment in the depths of the silence
You will be okay my dear
And I know that your chains are not man made
Are no shackles I can undo
But I thought you should know, though I never said
That I feel something akin to you
That sometimes in the midnight of my reprieve
I quietly surrender
To all of the fears that hang round the edges
Of the past that I can remember
And I do a double take or take a second hop
At the nostalgia in my bones
And what you cannot fix as the feeling sticks
Is that you are never alone
So quietly softly with mercenary zeal
I pave my way back into your life
If only to be, though you cannot see
Doing what I did before twice
And palm off the shrugs of everyone else
Of the crowd that surrounds
Though you don’t believe in all that I grieve
Things are better when you’re around
And monsters may come to fight your soul
On the back of your very own strength
But wherever you go and whatever you do
Just know that I said what I meant
And do not retract ne’er a line
About all that is made to stay
Though bodies may fade like a will of the wisp
My love is not going away
But born to be here as an expression
Of resident divinity
And the chasm was calling deep within
On the day that you met me
It was not mere coincidence
Or a chance encounter
It was the confluence of a million points
Of reference and order
Plotted out by galaxies
Long before our skin made blood
So don’t look away when I’m taking to you
I still stand the ground I stood
Cause held inside what you cannot see
And perceive only as black
Is the inner peace you’ve been looking for
Where you can sit back
Deep into the armchair
Of an emptiness most profound
Am I the one who sings the song
Or the one who hears the sound
Or even more imperceptible
The awareness whereby
All of life consents to grow
And in which it will die
So everglading honestly
Deep into your eyes
I know that you were made for me
And there are no goodbyes
Ever to be spoken
Between the two of us
Because we are one soul made flesh
And the heart of life is love
And all that you suffer
Is shadowed in my gait
We are but two sides of a coin
In its material state
Seemingly opposite
But of the one design
Though I could not save you from yourself
It wasn’t for lack of trying
Because I’m ever as you are
The one conscious sentience
I thought I had lost you
There was nothing when you went
And understandingly
Ungainly clambering
I sought to reach a sky
By climbing a shoestring
But celestial heights
Are not meant to be obtained
Just because I see the stars
Doesn’t mean they are contained
But inversely are embedded
In a fabric that extends
Though there is an irretrievable edge
Where even space ends
And the continuum is revealed
As no more than illusion
Perpetrated innocently
In the midst of our confusion
Like the way a light cannot
Cease to be itself
Or shine it’s radiance
Into the void I felt
So I can communicate
Or somehow convey
The breath and the depth
Of the things I do not say
And what was bequeathed
In the forests of reserve
Is that we were chosen
To burn the fires we serve
And be consumed
By all our misery
It takes pressure to make pearls
Out of rocks in the sea
And to forge diamonds
In mountainous shrouds
I pledged my life to you
Though I never said the words aloud
But river beds will tell
The story the sky forgets
An oak is standing over
The acorn that you set
It’s easier to just tell a lie
Than to disrupt you with the truth
Because you could never handle
The tremors that take root
And maybe it’s cause you notice
I’m not attached to this place
And I could as well let go
As look into your face
And I know you want to hold me
As I dangle precipice
But you don’t need to seek my fortune
As the source of your distress
Because we all hopscotch
Along the lines and the cracks
But just because you read the future
Doesn’t mean you can get it back
Or direct the wind
As it passes through your sails
And turns into the past
As your body fails
As all are due to do
Precluding interruption
By unseasonable forces
Or a dormant life eruption
But if it’s good enough for him
Then I do not complain
And what binds me to this place
Is just light playing on my name
And distracting eyes
From the obviously true
Cause if I’m mortally wounded
Then it follows so are you
And all that you strive for
To protect and attain
Won’t stay up in the clouds
But falls to earth as rain
And you can’t command the weather
Or unblue the sky
So don’t fear it when I speak
About what is born to die
Photo Credit: http://pin.it/BhkRzez
The eve of things yet to come
I’ve broken what you have undone
And shattered glass falls to a shell
You can’t silence rote learning hell
That paves a life that’s just a clock
I didn’t mean to let you unblock
But somehow in the clouded din
You saw through to who I am within
And all the pins clasping me together
Won’t withstand what I remember
When you stood me toe to toe
And looked at what you want you to know
Though it was against my will
The moment held us both so still
And burst into an intimacy
Like there was only you and me
On this whole earth, in this domain
I thought I understood your pain
As you gazed an eternal surrender
I sent the love returned to sender
So it was a double entendre
Outside of our depth and genre
In a place that no one sees
I adore what you have freed
That year was a wasteland and I was the bomb
That you dropped from the plane with some aplomb
Just cause your territory had been invaded
And a hole pierced through the veil you masqueraded
And all of the people who lost their lives
Are collateral damage so your city thrives
And I in the moment was eviscerated
My parts to obliterate what you created
And though you are fine and in your warm chair
You lost much more than I did there
To perish what you do not understand
And show the world the wrath of your hand
Then blame it on timing or the way things go
Others may believe you but I know
And hold in my spirit all you tried to destroy
But you’re not a man, no you are just a boy
Who’s playing at games he knows nothing about
If you’re a real king then you don’t have to shout
Or make others suffer for what you cannot spare
I looked for your heart but it wasn’t there
So lay claim to the story and the narrative
History is written by those who cannot forgive
But instead draw lines to denote what they’ve won
But it’s only the living you can kill with a gun
And prove that you are the sun in the sky
But even you too must die
And face your maker or the absence of one
You’ll look for me back but I am done
And never will hesitate the time
I let you go and felt the sublime
As aching powers crave the root
They can never touch the absolute
Don’t call me a crazy female just cause I sing the blues
I’m entitled to my feeling as you are to your truth
And all your words and actions just do not negate
The fact that I love you interspersed with the hate
And though I may be wild and inconvenient to host
You don’t have to treat me as if I am a ghost
As you look straight through as though you never saw me there
I know you have a heart so don’t pretend you do not care
And relegate my cause to the long lost ceaseless pile
Just cause I stood in your shoes but declined to walk a mile
I am not the stereotype of an ex who just won’t let go
That is a little sexist though I won’t claim to know
Why you always had a disdain for the other half
So you tried to make them smile, you tried to make them laugh
You tried to make them fall so they could not right themselves
And when you were done you left them on the shelf
To waste and wear away until they were nothing at all
Though I had to say I enjoyed my free fall
Down into the darkness, the emptiness of the void
I won’t pretend you’re the cause of what makes me annoyed
That you did not reach out when I was hanging on that cliff
And I just keep on going and back and saying what if
But all explainations fail and considerations die
When I look into the pupil in the centre of your eye
And find myself adrift like so many years ago
When you met me as a girl, the girl you say you do not know
And yes it hit the mark, did it hurt to deny
That we collided interscope, say the truth now, do not lie
That we once in a lifetimed upon the green grass
As you stood and stared at me and what I thought to ask
Such a preposterous question and so handsomely obvious
That you were the decider and where I placed my trust
But years have gone by and I have not seen your face
You never were the hero that rode out to lay waste
You just sat inside and cried about love long gone
You didn’t care about the someone that you kept on
You didn’t care about the promises you made to me that day
About how you looked me in the face and did not go away
And how I waited on your figure to statue all my dreams
But that was just the prelude to my long lasting private screams
That I howled in the night time on my bedroom floor
In a city far away behind a closed door
And I clutched at my insides cause I felt them coming out
And tried my best to keep silent cause I did not want to shout
About the enemies who had closed in on my life
And decided in that cage that I didn’t get another light
And subtle was the meaning and subtle was the voice
It was many years before I saw there was a choice
That there was another way, a way out of the pain
And just because you’re under clouds doesn’t mean you feel the rain
So here I stand before you and I repeat what’s ever true
That though my body will die I am not leaving you
And I will descend to the very depths
If that’s what it takes to pull you up those steps
To walk you to the door though you in the end refuse
And I’m left to perish slowly from the burning of a fuse
And there the gates of heaven lie meaningless without
Someone to hold my hand, the one it’s all about
So what do you expect, me to just go away
Again in all the cyanide where the demonds hold sway
But I stand here defiant and here I will roar
That I love you in the vacancy of a foreign shore
And I may never realise the place whereon I stand
But it was a miracle that I got to touch your hand
And hold you so close for a moment and for all
I think I was mistaken, there was never a wall
I just hit my own pride and held back what I knew
And now the time has come to pay you your due
In coins or in gold, I know you hold them in contempt
And I’ll always be the one that you resent
But here I pledge my life for yours and forever
I will seal it in blood to ensure my endeavour
And I will stand guard at the edges to soften the blow
Of the searing scars you don’t want to show
To hold and to comfort and to see you see your might
I knew that in that moment and I know now you’re alright
Whatever you say and the play you do cascade
I can see that you tremble, that you shake, that you’re afraid
And know I will not hurt you and my alliegence is true
All is nothing to me honey and there is only you
So to hell with all the anger and the sorcery
I am here to tell you now that it’s possible to be free
And just to breathe in air when you think that you are done
And when you’ve lost it all you see that you have won
And ever could forgive the place where you fell
It wasn’t only you, it was me aswell
I have a propensity to fall for dark eyed men
The kind you love then never see again
Don’t know what it is about their twisted souls
But there’s a depth I can’t plumb and I am sold
As you watch the light dawn in someone’s else’s eyes
Their sensitivity cracks and to your surprise
They break wide open into your hands
And look at you as though no one understands
As if you’ve been admitted to their confidence strange
But you’re at the mercy of what will change
As the sands shift the ground under your feet
It was only that one time that we got to meet
And though they throw reputations like yours to the dirt
They can’t make me regret the way that it hurt
The perfect pain to stand on your stage
Realising I’m a scene on the previous page
And I’m left in the wings just to look on
At what never was mine and now is long gone
To think I could hold your soul in my palm
The silence belying a deadly calm
Like standing in the eye of a hurricane
Two seconds later it’s ripped apart again
But though you protest to innocent degrees
About what you meant, I do not believe
Though you may try to conquer the sea
Doesn’t mean you can escape what you are to me
As oceans swell and fall back with the tide
I signed up for it all so I’m down for the ride
And if it may happen the moment perchance
I’ll just be the post script you tried to romance
And emotionally abuse what you have found
I have to admit I love when you’re around
Because for all the lies you conceal with a stare
You cannot hide what I know is there
And hidden beneath each surface I touch
Is someone within and I love you so much
Though they may call it codependency
They never saw horizons like you and me
And clipped are their wings as they settle for less
Than the subtle perfection in my distress
So don’t regret what you cannot achieve
I am forever bound to the darkness you weave
And what is real will stand monumental
You’re not a bad guy just cause you are gentle
And let your voice drop so soft and low
I only hate what I don’t want to go
Cause you can’t abstain from all you desire
I never want to be the one to put out your fire
Ephemerality and the lack of constraint
Are all a part of the picture you paint
And I guess I just wished I could be the one
To unlock the chains so you’d come undone
And relish the life that makes you what you are
But I am only light fusion bound within a star
An effortless firefly in the cosmos complete
I was born to be gracious in defeat
And find the source of the unquenchable longing
The home to fulfil my sense of belonging
The ache that never seems to go out
But you soothe it so easily with your mouth
And the words that spill from your lips
Dash on the rocks as my mask slips
Into trust and vulnerability
As you perceive strength in my fragility
And though there is substance in all you portray
They just write you off as consuming your prey
But I could never object to being such quarry
Or bend the knee to say that I am sorry
Though you steal from me all I ever had
The reality of you could never be bad
Never knew what it meant til I got you alone
You are the crack in my heart of stone
A weakness no one can repair
The mark you left will always be there
And they say don’t suffer just as evidence
But I’ve always lived this way because I can’t condense
My feelings into a digestible form
I may be an ice princess but my blood is warm
A reminder of what is eternally true
In the cynicism we’ve grown through
And that somewhere, somehow a celestial being
Once gave me the gift of what he was seeing
To be revolved in perceptual bliss
I only grieve the things that I miss
And even loss can be profound
When you listen to the open sound
And realise in space and time
You can’t always make matter of what is divine
And claimed by death must always be
The starcrossed lovers of destiny
Just cause you’re young doesn’t shield you from death
It’s just a horizon you have not seen yet
And all the green grass eventually fades
There’s no guarantee of what will come with age
As they write us off as superfluously small
I don’t think they realise at all
That you can’t capture in a frame the picture generation
And it’s just insurance against our disintegration
Trying to grasp what we cannot make stay
I only want a reminder of you this way
As you are caught in the perfect suspension
Between laughter and the unspoken tension
That rests behind when you look at me
Cause you can’t capture the mystery
That propels us both down different paths
But I’ve broken the glass and I can’t go back
And we can only touch hand to hand
Separated by what we cannot understand
Is love enough to quench the flame
That longs for what I cannot name
Arguing with you is like banging my head off a wall
Cause I don’t want to hurt you by revealing it all
And I know it’s frustrating to be at the other end of my brain
But I want to tell you what I cannot explain
I cannot delineate the light or the darkness in my head
Or the fear that strikes when I am dead
And you are so fine a note I am scared to tear
In my desperation I wonder if you care
Cause you are so whole and fundamentally complete
That I feel second rate every time we meet
As if there’s a ladder I just cannot climb
And I can’t brand you so that you are mine
Cause you are beyond definition
And you just laugh callously at my superstition
Cause your body is fading under the sun
So you cut the conversation short and say I have won
When all I really feel is defeat
That you would cut loose what you don’t want to meet
And you can give me reasons and they are aplenty
But they don’t stop this feeling so empty
When what you looked up to your whole life
Gets up wordlessly and walks out of your sight
It’s a peculiar kind of humiliation the way I’ve grown to feel
When you place your trust in someone and the way they cut the deal
And you can’t really blame them when they pull the rug away
Cause you never in your heart of hearts expected them to stay
And all your family converged on where the wound congeals
But though they profess their understanding, they can’t fathom how it feels
And should I lash out in anger and be certified insane
Or find another way that I can express my pain
As I writhe and I lose my wits end over you
They try to make me act the way I’m supposed to
As they hang my arms like puppeteers into a normal life
And I let them move my body under the vacant expression in your eyes
The complete renunciation of what you’d previously adored
Now I’m just the soundtrack someone else has scored
As the chains grow round me, like vines, I’m too weak to fight
And all that fueled me before, now I have no appetite
Cause it has lost its meaning without the love that you imbue
And what’s the point in dancing if I’m not doing it for you
Though you have got your lines that say I’m better off
In bitterness and agony I hold your memory aloft
And cave in on myself to the cracking of my ribs
Tell me I’ll find somebody who’ll be happy I am his
But I am not a man’s woman to marry and to own
I only fell for you because I was alone
In your presence and I found I didn’t have to be
An amelioration of myself or lose my liberty
And I guess I got confused and mistook what just confounded
One in an eternity the lightning bolt you grounded
But just because you had earthed me back into the source
Didn’t mean you really cared for what had taken me by force
As striking in your eyes when the connection hit
It was not in your stature a place you chose to sit
So you have me blinded, inconsequentially
And you must be reminded to extract yourself gingerly
Lest you push me over an edge I fell from long ago
You don’t have call in those who will try to soften the blow
And take me from that place as I am struggling to grasp
The meaning of a death I did not think would last
Now they tie me to a chair and chemically calm
My shaking and their supplements are suppressing the alarm
That is ringing in my head and trying to break through
The foggy overtures that are obscuring you
And my eyes they cannot see and all my speech is slurred
To think the time you spent with me was inhabited by her
And I know I should be happy but I find myself contained
Inside the strictures of a world that hasn’t changed
And all your magic prose and your incandescent stories
Are only symptomatic of how I revelled in your glories
And the ancient smorgasbord of different shades of black
Are not efforts of your urging but what is never coming back
And its institutional to be begging at their feet
But you are starving and they beat you til you give in to eat
Though it may be poison and lead to your demise
I guess I lost it all and my independence dies
As I lay down on the bed and concede to be operated on
Though they cannot fix what is already gone
Their sutures leave a scar and I will forever bear the mark
Of what it is to be consumed by the wolves out in the dark
But though they may undo me til I’m a shade of my old self
They cannot command the soul beyond their timing belt
And the pictures that they make of the architecture of my being
Are only surface breaking waves to signal what I’m freeing
And I know you want me complicit in my own subjugation
But I’m not what you can train into a pleasant conversation
There is an ocean beneath that you have not explored
I’m not what you hypothesise standing on the shore
I tried to find permanency in the things you approved of
Cause you always seemed like you were right
You walked with a kind of confidence
That had no doubt as to what you could fight
But I fell into the abyss
Waiting for you to care
And hopscotching myself along the lines
Of what I didn’t want to wear
And everwhere there seems to be
Instructions on how to live
But its like chasing down paper planes
Along rivers that don’t exist
And I seek one moment to turn forth
For the love I bear you in my chest
But each time I do I am crippled
Crossing lines that you destest
Whether I’m too near or too far
Its like a balancing act
And it doesn’t really serve a purpose
To swear by what you retract
And I could play these guessing games
For the milleniums before me
I know that it is selfishness
I just want you to adore me
And I’m not really seeing the practicalities
Of loving on request
I know I never measured up
When you put me to the test
So all that I can offer you
Is the silence that consumes
As I’m absorbed into the night
The darkness resumes
And you will always have the meaning
You inescapably are
But I am not just a sweeper
To kick when times get hard
And I know that there will be resolved
An answer to our souls
I just think I was mistaken
When I thought you made me whole
And our spirited undertones
Just patchworked the quilt
Something drove the blade in
And it broke off at the hilt
Now there is a forest wide
Of time and space and words
But every time I see your face
I forget what I have heard
And conjured up again
Is a memory infantile
When I looked for you to be just there
But you had run a mile
And the stabbing jealousy
Pierces deep into my side
As I look at the perfection
Of you without me in your life
As accolades and flowers
Flow freely into your hands
I wish that I could stop the wish
That you would understand
Me just as I am
And revel in my presence
But I stayed too long
Now the moon is just a crescent
Of the whole that it was
Signalling an eon of time
That moves the waves in rhythm
To the era you were mine
And these convoluted feelings
Are all about possession
I thought that I could do without
The wounds of my window dressing
As I come to the conclusion
That my heart is made of stone
And maybe I would be better off
If I just leave you alone
Like you’ve been begging me for centuries
Implicitly in your eyes
A monumental cacophony
The whole world denies
Though you always seem to find
Someone to match your heart
And I wonder why it was not I
Who could fulfil that part
So sadness will ensue
My subtle self exile
I guess that I will never be
The light behind your smile
The silence in between the sounds expels the disaster life has pending
And though there are new beginnings I always feel like something’s ending
Imperceptible and finite and not subject to reprieve
This is not a man made illness and not just something I believe
Because there is a conquerer beyond the you or I
And its only what’s born of flesh that ever has to die
But that substantial underneath that powers the whole
Is not just a clockwork rig but the essence of my soul
The permanent, the unchanging, the unfalteringly there
There is a silence deep within where you don’t have to care
And all the travails that I sustain and the storms that I fight through
Are nothing when it comes to the inevitability of You
As I see it in the stars, or the way the planets move
That we are part of a concoction I cannot disprove
And our very consciousness, the sight behind our eyes
Looks through the infintesimal as I say my last goodbyes
To the life that I have known and steady grown up in
But effortless the letting go of what I cannot win
And the crying in the night, the tears unto the dawn
I want to realise what’s there when I am gone
And please don’t misunderstand me, no towers to the spire
Its just to walk in my own shoes expands into something higher
As what’s divine manifests in perplexity on my face
I have to know the Truth, now that I’ve had a taste
And weed out all the roots, though there is really only one
What is there left to do when all your work is done
And you lay down all the arms to protect what you have not
It doesn’t seem like much to ask but it is a lot
As I pass through the eye of what I found in the haystack
That girl is long gone and she’s never coming back
As consciously I choose to just be laid down
Awarenessing the sincerity in which I will drown
An ever pliant material that you don’t have to break
Just lead me to the precipce so that I can wake
As I leap of faith back into my home
I realise the solitude of peacefully alone
I suck the soul out of anyone who gets too close
They come near and back off like they’ve seen a ghost
Cause I have an emptiness that terrifies
And I can see the vacuum reflect in their eyes
I try to be cautious, keep a distance in between
But now and then I slip up and they see what I mean
Cause I sleep on sidewalks and profess love to the stars
And I don’t respect the steel of prison bars
Or the dust and ash you build into hovels
I will not be as one who grovels
But for all its apparant obviousness, it seems to come as a surprise
When it hits you that everybody dies
And in that oasis held in my still
I have been touched by something that never will
And can’t go back to what was before
And believe what I don’t anymore
As I drive away both friends and foes
The attraction expands and the chasm grows
And I can’t stop the obliteration that filters through the night
I just don’t want to lose you alright
But innocence cannot protect itself
I don’t think I am like anybody else
Where love is just a word you bargain into a deal
If you step into my sphere I will surreptitiously steal
All the fragments until you’re nothing but bone
And when its done I will leave you alone
And hope my hands paid out what they owe
But whatever you promise I know you will go
So for your own sake please caution your step
Cause I am a darkness that’s not finished yet
And mouth to mouth resuscitation will only leave you gasping for air
Until you realise what just isn’t there
I will fall to the ground and beg for your absolution
But you’re hard of heart to my execution
And punish the payment I gave with my soul
To scratch the surface where I left a hole
As you revolve in bitterness for
What I couldn’t bend to anymore
Crafting wishes like dreams in an ancient pocketbook
You’re not sure where to go so you have to look
At the odes you wrote time and again
About reaching that place you can’t quite remember when
But flipping through notes will never reveal
The love adults cannot heal
As you realise in fields of wildflowers
That you have lost most of your powers
And weak is the energy that emenates
From what you used to dominate
As vibrancy hues give up their colour
For the revelation of something other
And you can’t pave the path with stones you can’t lift
And whatever you choose there’s something you missed
As the sharpness of truth bites with fangs
That you never carried out any of your plans
And the goodness you saw in yourself and others
Just further emphasises what you’ll never discover
That you cannot hold death in the palm of your hand
And cannot bring back the oceans they spanned
For for all your anger that prompts defiance
You cannot escape your inherent reliance
On the sun, the clouds, the air you breathe
Its only cause you have life you know how to bleed
And as it is taken by inches, degrees
You want something of substance to see where it leads
So independently consumed as you are
You cannot govern the flight of a falling star
As the laws of gravity pull to the earth
The force of your demands cause you to hurt
As solid resistance meets its counterpart
In the stubbornness of an open heart
And you swore you would rather burn all your days
Than act out the script of someone elses plays
But the grand design just laughs at attempts
And accentuates why you are exempt
From finding a solution by holding on hands
That will momentarily be dust baked by the sands
But somewhere in all this cavalcade
I founder a speaker where my song played
And knotted the twines undone by the seal
Of an authority that doesn’t know how I feel
So captive bound and under duress
I realise the answer I can’t express
That the butchery of modern times
Doesn’t stand up to the light that shines
Unnamably from the source
Of the river that must run its course
And meet again in perfect flow
The end of what it doesn’t know
So plaited in between my lines
Is the home within that defines
Not the abode of mankind
But divinty I thought I’d left behind
And all my trips just emanated
From the desire to have that hunger sated
Calling for an unpayable price
To let go of all the work on site
While I am building castled skies
The liberation lets go and flies
As fluidity of a timeless era
The cobwebs only make it clearer
That I have never exercised my right
To the freedom of wordless goodbyes
