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Swimming

Scealta na Laochra

I dreamt the other night you sang to me in Irish because that is our native tongue
And the words were tripping out of your lips with every line you sung
And you were seated in a chair with that smig you used to have
And I thought when I looked at you I’d never wanted anything so bad
But it was only a Snapchat video on a Facebook screen
And when I checked the app account you had added me
Though God knows how you knew my name, some things are a mystery
And the light shone golden on your face, in a kitchen making history
As I revelled in repeat as social media is wont to do
It gave me access to another secret part of you
How lifelike and how real, how stolen from the sky
But I woke up in my room with only the memory of your eyes
As my mother called to me about what I need to do
I wish I could fall back asleep so I could be there with you
And even virtual reality inside an imagination
Is better than the reality of our silent situation
As we face off across the world with miles in between
I keep my feelings a secret and you don’t acknowledge me
But throw paper planes into the air to see where they will land
I always thought it would be you to revolutionise a band
And fling the hysterical out into the crowd
As they all scream for you while I read aloud
The stories on the edge of what you have longed to speak
Set to an electric guitar and a motherfucking beat
But now you wear a suit or casual sweater vests
While I pile on eyelinered black and live out what you suggest
But does that make me love you less or change the way I feel
I used to be self contained before you chose to steal
My ability to decide where my love resides
And I cannot control my heart as long as you’re alive
And I don’t see you ending anytime soon
As long as I have blood to pump I will belong to you
In your incandescent glory and innocent obliviousness
I’ll swear an oath of
fealty with the moon as my witness
In the darkness of tomorrow that’s living in tonight
Is aoibheann liom do gra, my love, I hope that is alright
Ta tu go hiontach, I bhfírinne, an bhfuil se ceart go leor
Más mian tú Dia fein, I couldn’t love you more
Even though you deleterious out all over me
Tús maith leath na hoibre, seo mar a bhí.

Balance

I find love in your sad eyes and you don’t know I see it there
As you pierce through to me it makes me start to care
And it helps that you’re good looking with the linings of a beard
But even if you weren’t your soul is why I’m here
To capitalise as you put it on who just sat beside
And I know that we just met but I’m glad that you’re alive
To pour your peculiar poetry into my brain
I don’t know if you think about the clouds behind the rain
As you try to understand what you fail to see
I didn’t admit you got it right when you pinpointed me
But I had to smile through the unsettling of being called out
Because I trust your innocence and I love what you’re about
And I’m loath to leave as I’m sure you can tell
As I fail to turn away from you when you ask me to aswell
Because you’re just too interesting and this moment is holy
And I can’t involve myself with them when I’m looking for you only
As you spread out on the seat with the lines that you attach
I thought I had lost my love but it always comes back
And I’m focused with intent on knowing who you are
As you dance around the riverbed you do not see the star
That is shining on your head and guiding me to you
You saw that I’m alone but I think you are too
Though you’re so extravagant, you’re sincerely warm
And I would like to hold your hand sailing through this storm
Of life as it moves, the continuum you say
And I would like to be with you if that is okay
And I know that you are younger and friends with recompense
But I don’t see why I should walk away from the things you meant
As you do not hide it well and I don’t think you intend
By your side I thought you could do with a friend
To stand by your soul and I guess I could be her
I would have come sooner but I didn’t know where you were
Or the name of someone who vehemently existed
I’ve spent too long along the lines of the hearts I have resisted
And so, no more, no more, I will reach my hand to you
I’ll take you from this place if you want me to
With the noise and the exploding of the people who do not mean
Half of what they say they do and change who they have been
So hold my eyes my friend because I am missing you
And feeling your absence in the place the wind blows through
And I think of how funny and how awesome it is
To find your compatible to be the same as his
As you’re sitting over chairs and tobacco in a room
I thought the night was over but I thought it too soon
So ever present angel as you effervesce the sky
Please come back into my arms so that I know why
I need so very badly something I cannot have
I lost it all when I lost him and that’s why I’m feeling bad

 

 

Thicket

If you’re gonna leave I’d rather you just go
Than traipse round in your boots putting on a show
If you really don’t care then I’d rather just know
Than go along for the ride you have on the down low
And you ride the wave of just being there
But you won’t tell me a truth that lays us both bare
So we move along in random solitude
Imposed externally by your attitude
So don’t bite the bait if the rope is too fine
And don’t tell me a lie that you are mine
But for all my efforts at heavy expense
The woods on your side don’t get any less dense

A Song of Grief and Longing

There’s much variation in land masses
Always a new city
A conglomeration of buildings standing wall to wall
But when you really sit back to look at it, we’re under a sky that doesn’t care at all
And I’ve been searching with my soul in a backpack, trying to pinpoint a star
To find the spot underneath that holds the key to my heart
But whatever the patterns drawn out in a spherical sky
It’s a different shape in actuality than appears to my eye
And is not revolving the way planetariums suppose
But rather my whole world shares in one universal prose
Just another ball of rock or a living breathing being
But it has no qualms as to the tears it will streak across the picture that we’re seeing
As it hurricanes humanity with tidal wave force
We talk about protecting the planet but it shows no remorse
To an inessential species whose disposability
Terrifies the midnight of what we presume ourselves to be
And all the ancient wisdom and the markings in caves
Doesn’t stop the onslaught of what comes at me in waves
Building to a crescendo like a fire crackling sticks
I’m burning in the flames and we’re all just candle wicks
With limited lifespan getting shorter every day
You can’t decry the summer solstice and what it puts away
Just a season cyclically is my life in reverb
I’m sorry I got mad at you, it’s just you hit a nerve
When you spoke to me the truth and I finally realised
The centre of gravity coming from your eyes
And it spoke to me of the weight that I had learned to bear
And the cracks in my facade that nothing can repair
Like all searing honesty it hit me instantly
To know that I am not for you all you are to me
A bridge to the other side where somethings ushered in
The death of all that I had hoped never would begin
And a kind of comfort to see somewhere outside
A part of me reflected that I could abide
And love fervently and true and far beyond reproach
I’m falling through the shadows and you were my last hope
As infinitesimal emptiness turns monumental ache
I have long wondered what it is that wakes
And moves through this body as a ramrod guide
Forcing me to walk down paths when I would rather hide
And salvage in the yard all of my remains
See through the desperation that was fueling my pain
That set me in the car that I drove off the road
And crumpled underneath the silk of a heavy load
As mountainous the forests stood me in their stead
But when I looked up from death I found something else instead
Or rather it found me in the long lost of a cab
Trapped in the humanity of thinking you are bad
That all your faults are real and the demons that pursue
Are not phantoms insubstantial but intensely part of you
That even though the night is deep and misty black
Somewhere a light pierced through that nothing can take back
For once you have seen or been struck down wherein you stand
You can’t undo the protein chain that makes you understand
That all of life’s a bottle just bobbing in the sea
And my only mistake was thinking it was me
That moves in with the tide and out again in motion
All I am is not what is suggested by the ocean
That rhythms by the moon as we once again seek meaning
For the reasoning behind the cohesion life’s agreeing
Resting on a pinprick of knife edge subsistence
There could be no higher order when we’re committed to resistance
As we lose our lives in seeking to grapple with and hold
You can’t capture the ochre that fades the sunset gold
With ardent eyes affectionate, though you give in to stare
I still look at the space left without you there
But no matter how I try to contain the marshalled sound
There is no hiding the obviousity when you are not around
And seeping at the pores is the unmanned sovereignty
That you were not contained by your relationship to me
And the love that bound our bodies loosened and let go
It may be many years, I still miss you though
No matter what they say or the way it all conspires
I’ll kneel down and be burnt in these purifying fires
To finally succumb to the white light that I am
It was there all along I just didn’t see the plan
Or connect the dots as they speckled my vision
You cut me through the heart with clinical precision
And I found that in the beating something was alive
I don’t have to die to be by your side

Miscommunication

I know you feel you have to keep quiet
Cause you’re the entertainer most complete
And all of those eyes are trained on you
Like a performer in the street
But those are your loneliest moments
Where you break and the splint cracks
And try as you might to hold up the weight
You can’t get what you had back
And I want you to know, though you don’t like me at all
(Sometimes I’m the bane of your life)
That I see through the lies of your preeminent disguise
And I have you in my sight
And if you want to be fragile, come apart at the seams
You can do so in my arms
Or far away, an ocean apart
I’ll hold you when it all is dark
For though you have a life you profess wonderful
And I’m not denying it’s true
I see the gaps in between the lines
That’s hiding a part of you
Though you swam away to a foreign shore
And swore me off for good
I love you as much as the day that you left
And a million times more than I should
So if you feel alight on a cloud that is stormy
I’ll blow a breath that will bring you here
And just for a moment in the depths of the silence
You will be okay my dear
And I know that your chains are not man made
Are no shackles I can undo
But I thought you should know, though I never said
That I feel something akin to you
That sometimes in the midnight of my reprieve
I quietly surrender
To all of the fears that hang round the edges
Of the past that I can remember
And I do a double take or take a second hop
At the nostalgia in my bones
And what you cannot fix as the feeling sticks
Is that you are never alone
So quietly softly with mercenary zeal
I pave my way back into your life
If only to be, though you cannot see
Doing what I did before twice
And palm off the shrugs of everyone else
Of the crowd that surrounds
Though you don’t believe in all that I grieve
Things are better when you’re around
And monsters may come to fight your soul
On the back of your very own strength
But wherever you go and whatever you do
Just know that I said what I meant
And do not retract ne’er a line
About all that is made to stay
Though bodies may fade like a will of the wisp
My love is not going away
But born to be here as an expression
Of resident divinity
And the chasm was calling deep within
On the day that you met me
It was not mere coincidence
Or a chance encounter
It was the confluence of a million points
Of reference and order
Plotted out by galaxies
Long before our skin made blood
So don’t look away when I’m taking to you
I still stand the ground I stood
Cause held inside what you cannot see
And perceive only as black
Is the inner peace you’ve been looking for
Where you can sit back
Deep into the armchair
Of an emptiness most profound
Am I the one who sings the song
Or the one who hears the sound
Or even more imperceptible
The awareness whereby
All of life consents to grow
And in which it will die
So everglading honestly
Deep into your eyes
I know that you were made for me
And there are no goodbyes
Ever to be spoken
Between the two of us
Because we are one soul made flesh
And the heart of life is love
And all that you suffer
Is shadowed in my gait
We are but two sides of a coin
In its material state
Seemingly opposite
But of the one design
Though I could not save you from yourself
It wasn’t for lack of trying
Because I’m ever as you are
The one conscious sentience
I thought I had lost you
There was nothing when you went
And understandingly
Ungainly clambering
I sought to reach a sky
By climbing a shoestring
But celestial heights
Are not meant to be obtained
Just because I see the stars
Doesn’t mean they are contained
But inversely are embedded
In a fabric that extends
Though there is an irretrievable edge
Where even space ends
And the continuum is revealed
As no more than illusion
Perpetrated innocently
In the midst of our confusion
Like the way a light cannot
Cease to be itself
Or shine it’s radiance
Into the void I felt
So I can communicate
Or somehow convey
The breath and the depth
Of the things I do not say
And what was bequeathed
In the forests of reserve
Is that we were chosen
To burn the fires we serve
And be consumed
By all our misery
It takes pressure to make pearls
Out of rocks in the sea
And to forge diamonds
In mountainous shrouds
I pledged my life to you
Though I never said the words aloud
But river beds will tell
The story the sky forgets
An oak is standing over
The acorn that you set

Guilt and Futility

I tried to find permanency in the things you approved of
Cause you always seemed like you were right
You walked with a kind of confidence
That had no doubt as to what you could fight
But I fell into the abyss
Waiting for you to care
And hopscotching myself along the lines
Of what I didn’t want to wear
And everwhere there seems to be
Instructions on how to live
But its like chasing down paper planes
Along rivers that don’t exist
And I seek one moment to turn forth
For the love I bear you in my chest
But each time I do I am crippled
Crossing lines that you destest
Whether I’m too near or too far
Its like a balancing act
And it doesn’t really serve a purpose
To swear by what you retract
And I could play these guessing games
For the milleniums before me
I know that it is selfishness
I just want you to adore me
And I’m not really seeing the practicalities
Of loving on request
I know I never measured up
When you put me to the test
So all that I can offer you
Is the silence that consumes
As I’m absorbed into the night
The darkness resumes
And you will always have the meaning
You inescapably are
But I am not just a sweeper
To kick when times get hard
And I know that there will be resolved
An answer to our souls
I just think I was mistaken
When I thought you made me whole
And our spirited undertones
Just patchworked the quilt
Something drove the blade in
And it broke off at the hilt
Now there is a forest wide
Of time and space and words
But every time I see your face
I forget what I have heard
And conjured up again
Is a memory infantile
When I looked for you to be just there
But you had run a mile
And the stabbing jealousy
Pierces deep into my side
As I look at the perfection
Of you without me in your life
As accolades and flowers
Flow freely into your hands
I wish that I could stop the wish
That you would understand
Me just as I am
And revel in my presence
But I stayed too long
Now the moon is just a crescent
Of the whole that it was
Signalling an eon of time
That moves the waves in rhythm
To the era you were mine
And these convoluted feelings
Are all about possession
I thought that I could do without
The wounds of my window dressing
As I come to the conclusion
That my heart is made of stone
And maybe I would be better off
If I just leave you alone
Like you’ve been begging me for centuries
Implicitly in your eyes
A monumental cacophony
The whole world denies
Though you always seem to find
Someone to match your heart
And I wonder why it was not I
Who could fulfil that part
So sadness will ensue
My subtle self exile
I guess that I will never be
The light behind your smile

Andromeda

Its like trying to focus on a star that’s too far away
I just get more faded when you try to read what I say
For meaning and purpose, for strength and due
I was just trying on the skin of you
But there you go again making me so confused
I’m like a galaxy that has finally fused
Itself with another light years apart
And now there’re two souls linked by the heart
And it may look easy to be icy and cold
But I can’t sustain as my cards start to fold
And collapse in a heap, back at square one
As I wonder what in the hell I have done
And I’ve been reprimanded many a time
For leaving my love out to dry on the washing line
And attracting strangers to come to my door
And point out in detail what they adore
But they all look crestfallen when I refuse
Reciprocality doesn’t light my fuse
As I am earthed by the dynamite
Of being alone after midnight
Where there in the secret unbound hours
I revel in all the universe powers
Whether by the moon or in the dark
I don’t need directions to fall apart
Though it may look like a collasal mistake
It’s fueled to perpetualize the state
Of freedom from the earth’s samsara
It’s more than just a word, Nirvana

Rain

It’s ok to fear the darkness, it’s something we all feel
And it may take some time for the scars to truly heal
And though they may torment you as you turn in bed at night
I have seen the stars and it will be alright
There is a forever where horizons never reach
And there is a together where you’re standing on the beach
And there is a demise to all the hate and pain
There is always sunlight just beyond the rain
So don’t hide your face my child as you lie there alone
There is a God of sorts and he will take you home
And he is not all thunder and all harrowing might
He is the thing inside that sets your heart alight

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