A message to my tormentor, you know the one I try to protect 
I look up and the whole dream is wrecked 
Because I was perfect, I was pristine 
I was the ruler, I was the queen 
But then everything turned the dice on its head 
And I was screaming as I lay in bed 
Because I could feel my mind separate 
From the man I would love to date
And it was as though someone had taken my knife
And carved a chasm between husband and wife
And I just lay there and silently toiled
I was to the rescue but I was embroiled 
In all of what tried to tear us apart 
I was in UCD when the pain thought to start 
And nothing like Darragh or Marian too 
Could prevent the onset if what I couldn’t do 
To myself or to you 
So I ran for the hills 
Because this is the kind of thing that kills
And the track was dusty and red 
And I begged you to tell someone instead
And you did 
And I may have hid 
For years from your sight 
But I was watching that you were alright 
And I could feel the wrecking ball hit me where it hurt
And I would be left sprawling in the dirt
Then the boy with the beautiful smile 
Told me he’d like to hold me for a while 
And I was safe in his arms
But then all the alarms 
Rang in St. Pat’s 
In the years I was afraid of baseball bats
So I just do what they say
Take the meds they prescribe so I can find a church to pray
And there was a little chapel 
Beside the canteen and Eve ate the apple 
They had gifted to her 
But it doesn’t make me forget the Eden we were 
For a moment in time 
And I want him to know that he is sublime 
And no devil or rodent or snake or tail 
Can shake the foundation of what I let fail 
And it was Gareth Brooks 
And one for the books 
As I sipped a Coke 
And laughed along like I was in on the joke 
But secretly I choke 
And bless the place that gave me sanctuary 
And helped me get away from you and me 
The register said something about ambiguity 
And my insecurity 
Has me chasing Shauna around 
And asking her if she heard the sound 
She looks at me like I’m not well 
And also like I’m onto something she cannot tell 
So I back off but when she needs a friend 
I jump over the fence she thought to mend 
Like a wall between two neighbours who walk
But both of us know that it is all talk 
And she holds my hands
She is five years younger than me but she understands
What it means to be bereft 
And she told me something about someone and their theft 
Of her innocent pure 
But I want her to know that the cure
Lies in the heart in her chest 
It beats still fervently and knows her best
Better than the wolf at the gate
Or the people she has come to hate
And I still fear the loss of the man 
Because I know it’s his life and I know that he can 
Do whatever he wants
And it’s the kind of freedom that haunts
Every word that I write 
And leaves me exiled to a silent night 
When I think he is already gone 
So I play that song 
Over and over and they sharpen the blade
That would have you and I in the shade 
And I rage 
And let them take me to hell 
Because every ringing bell 
Just signals doomsday in my mind 
So don’t worry that I’ve left you behind 
I’m just trying to ruin the machine 
And break what would take the slate from the dream 
And I falter and kneel
At the foot of what you feel 
Because to you its real 
And I would steal 
It all away if I could 
So that that look could not draw blood 
Because you are the quintessence of good 
And I meet you in the wood 
When all the noise dies down
And you say something about a beautiful gown 
As I take it off 
Our hands touch and all is not lost