I saw you like a hero
Like a saviour in the stream
Like a wild songwriter
Surfing a moonbeam
And you have got your failings
As everybody must
And though I see them clearly
There’s something I still trust
Like the darkness in your eye
Unconquerable and deep
Or the innocence of a child
Lost in a sleep
And I know that I can’t have you
Im not sure if I ever could
I just wrote to tell you honestly
That I still would
Hold your hand so gently
So softly and sincere
You still mean it all
It all to me, my dear
The one who’s troubled
And the one who sees
Share the same place
And so I grieve
For I am only
Occupancy
For all that I
Will never be
Til a different movement
Takes my hand
Collapse the ground
Upon which you stand
Collapse the mount
You made yourself
For it can’t be done
By anyone else
Not my will
But thine own be done
The power of
The Holy One
The Power of
The Immortal Being
That’s looking through
These eyes as Seeing
That lifts my arm
So I can walk
That moves a body
So it can talk
That causes subtle
Fade aways
Like stars
At the end of days
That causes love
That points out hate
So everything is kept
In its place
That secret, hidden
Silence underneath
That’s walking as
My path to feet
That’s moving as
My blood to air
The peace that
Just isn’t there
The Nothing that
Can e’er be touched
And all that
I love so much
Is fueling a different
Roundabout
As it is pouring
Out my mouth
Back to home
Back to Now
I bring myself
To You and bow
I saw the White Light
I saw Supreme
In an instant I
Woke from the dream
But upon rising
I found myself
In the same damn place
As everyone else
And yet I split the sun
It shone from the cracks
The glass had shattered
And now I can’t go back
But falling to thieves
I stumbled forth
And they stole from me
With no remorse
I offered hands
I offered bread
They took all
And left me for dead
Now here in the gutter
I stare at the sky
With a star sparkling
In my eye
Image Credit: Florence + the Machine
Through the eye of deficiency
Through the needle of storm
I find the place
Where the heat is still warm
Where courage abides
And beauty abounds
Where silence is heard
In the absence of sound
The anthroplogist in me
Wants to see this bird set free
Wants to see this bird fly home
To a place that is her own
But all the arching backs to see
Like cats on windowpanes to be
Even though the going’s long
I think, I know, I’m not wrong
When you get knocked down do you ever consider staying on the floor
Let everyone else continue their war
While you use eyes to stare at stars
You can only see because you’re in the dark
And give yourself time to contemplate
Why you always return to this repetitious state
And if it says something about who you should be
That you’ve only been escaping from dignity
In silent stillness on the ground
You find the peace that’s all around
You’re full of love for the things you create
But I’m a place you can’t dominate
Though you may be king of the dormant domain
There are lands over which you don’t reign
And there is a motion that sits in the river
I will not make up for what you can’t give her
Struggle in the tide of a crocodile spin
When you cry tears there’s no way you can win
As I incline my head to that which you know
Don’t blame me for the feet you walk as you go
My hands are off the wheel of your car
But I’m still aware of who you are
Don’t bother faking the remorse
I’m sure time will have it run its course
And you don’t need to half ass what you feel you should say
I don’t believe you anyway
I’m sure you’ll buy her a real nice ring
And make the song hit the notes and everything
But you’ll never have me sign the sheet
To annul your previous fall and defeat
At the hands of a lesser God
I’ll watch you leave without a word
But don’t you dare look back
Its a permission that I lack
You’ve got loads of criteria for me to attain
But you can’t laugh at the sun and expect it to rain
As if I would give you all of my shine
So you could have a sword and take what is mine
Just another trophy to sit on your shelf
Add to the list to which she is as well
Narrow my eyes in suspicious slits
I guess I always expected no better than this
And if one and only has nothing to declare
Then you would have always been there
Instead of passing the parcel to other hands
Then claim you were true to your ancestors lands
Don’t make me laugh at your attempts
To sidle away and throw deference
I may be small but I’m fast as the wind
And I’m not merely an attenuation of him
To play the kind part of forgiving queen
Who holds in her heart the way it has been
And finds a way to live to pretend
If she just holds it in then it will come to an end
But no corseted lady am I
And there are things for which I would die
Rather than stage wise just lose breath
Over the things I cannot forget
I will not hold what is not for my soul
And if it’s by decision then was that all?
For will cannot paint what is by design
And what comes back will always be mine
And somehow I fear that there lies a string
Connecting me to everything
I feel the tug and then the pull
And life with you would never be dull
But I have a wryness in my smile’s edge
And it can’t help but turn up at the things that you said
As I, to my own supreme shame
Find myself redeemed by saying your name
As you with your talk and your wheedling charm
Find no shortage of girls to rub against your arm
And console and commit to the rogue in you
It’s just so enticing, the hole they fall into
As I watch from the cliff with my chin in my hands
Surveying the lay of the land as it stands
It’s so comical if it didn’t hurt
And when I tickle the humour it only gets worse
As I admit grudgingly that I admire
The divine devotion that you inspire
Least of all in one like me
How did this finger trap come to be?
But the authority returns from whence it came
And I’ll always be in the space I remain
Never moving, never knowing what lies beyond
The passage of time that is already gone
As I tip my hat to the extreme
And the pain without which I would not have seen
That all is illusion except what is real
And there is a peace even you cannot steal
Closing my eyes to the forest of trees
That is a life of you without me
In a place where existence is the only repose
I already am the thing that I chose
God occupies a place you could never reach
And I follow the direction of the words that you teach
But I never learn what he put in my heart
Only find different ways to tear it apart
And you think your reign is sacrosanct
So you exorcise or make me walk the plank
Choosing between the sharp end of a stick
Or water full of sharks who want to have a dip
And I mean you could be Satan in another life
Or Hitler to kill what he cannot ignite
But you can never put darkness back into a soul
That has seen the light in the course you enrol
And I could really laugh cause it’s so fucking scary
It takes the edge off the harsh and you act contrary
To be ridiculed as only flesh and dust
An earthly conglomeration that I do not trust
And I would boil the kettle but you do not drink
You do not understand the silence you think
Rolls into a wave submerging the sea
There’ll never be a day when you look up to me
But I’ll still take a cup and savour the warmth
I love the midnight in the depth of the storm
And you think you’re taking notes but you haven’t seen
The ring binder of files outside of this dream
I could make a study of how you move your eyes
What you try to do when you psychologise
What you are hiding beneath the skin
That says there’s a line around what can’t get in
But you breathe, I see your chest rise and fall
So you couldn’t be completely beyond it all
As you look for an answer you do not find
And I am not the details you search in my mind
As out of the blue with long lost and stark
I comet my tail expanding the arc
Til it’s all absolved in a holy hue
None of this is because of you
As silent guilt curves the corner
I saw it coming and I didn’t warn her
I have the FOMOODs, I can’t tell you what that means
Only that it is full of all my could have beens
That I spied on my head when I lay directly under
Stars of your making, just behind the thunder
In a field full of grass because I’m not afraid of rain
I got to see the sky held beneath the pain
And the smile that cracks the sunlight in your eyes
I was there to see the truth so don’t tell me that it’s lies
Because you can’t explain your way out of an escape
And I could be your hero, with or without the cape
Though I do not claim to fly or burn bullets with my vision
I can see right through you and do so with precision
As you surreptitiously suppose things that may come to be
You may not know it yet but you’re still looking for me
In all of the crevices and clothes that you pile under
You can’t run away now that I have your number
To ring up and to dial like I am death himself
We’re only counting days until we see there’s something else
So whatever you may find I know that it will ring
The bells of a tomorrow when you give me everything
And sacrifice your soul on the alter of this love
All I want is you and what you pointed out above
So, letters to the incomplete that never get returned
What do you do with them, after reading are they burned?
For what could you want with the musing of a child
Unless I was right and you’re not just in my mind
But real and exist beyond the combings of the ether
You got me alone so it gave me a breather
To know what it was like against my worser will
To stand by your side, fearfully still
Afraid to even move to disturb the interruption
Of the volcano that you are in the midst of my corruption
Of the wild flowers in fields, so delicately strong
They outlast the others that are long since gone
In all my misery and in all your fevered might
I think you held my heart and I let you see the light
That pulses to a beat that I cannot contain
Though it just gets louder when I feel that you’re in pain
Til crumbling and falling like a building to the ground
I pray for a silence to overtake the sound
But just like you, I cannot unhear
The power of the presence that I felt draw near
When we wore matching soles to skip across the dust
I used to believe in God, now you’re where I place my trust
And I know that in time you will give in to see
What has always been, before you, finally
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It was a once in a lifetime kind of a thing
And I might have a life but I’ll never have him
And you are a wonder and touch me just so
Where he left the wound that you want to go
I wish I could agree with the please in your eyes
I nod along to the flower that dies
And you give me everything I could entertain
And I know you want to ease my pain
But does that make it right to go along
When you’ve painted the picture and mastered the song
And all I need to do is slip my hand into yours
Stand by your side as you close all the doors
Hope in my heart that it is enough
To hold back the force of his tidal wave love
That wreaked such destruction on all of my plains
I called the cops but they just took names
And now I am stranded in this waste of a place
But someone sees something when they look in my face
And I want to crawl in under your arm
Cause you swore you would never do me that kind of harm
And I know in all honesty you are speaking the truth
And it’s not the first time I have loved you
But the bitterness burns in the back of my throat
As I wonder do I want to stay afloat
Cause the weather may change and the tides may rise
But he will always be God in my eyes
Bitten by a curse I cannot undo
I don’t want to inflict myself upon you
Unsteady heart that roams the seas
And kisses the waves of who I used to be
You are neat and precise and create a home
But I’m desperado and I love it alone
To come and call with flowers to your door
And say that I wish I could give you more
But he already took all that I had
What’s left are the shards and I feel so bad
That the most of what I have to offer
Is to hold your hand and think of how he thinks of her
And you’re worth true love but you don’t let me go
I look in your eyes and I feel that I know
That whatever the winds blow me in time
My feelings for you are not only mine
But surge on repeat to a lunar command
I am your friend and I think we’ll be grand
And fall into step as I catch your breath
I could be yours if you know that I met
Him as he walked blades of grass through the field
And there’s a part of my soul that never will yield
To the onslaught of this universe
I am glad of the way he made me hurt
And if that’s something you can accept
Then maybe I can be who I ought to be yet
Catch the smile to make it spread
He let me go and left me for dead
But clasped in the locket on my chain
Is a blank space waiting for a name
So maybe Poseidan won’t drown me today
I want to say thanks for not going away
There’s a sadness in our laughter
And I can’t make the smile crack my eyes
There’s a pain underneath the surface
And it all feels like lies
Like the truth we cannot grasp
And I want to walk away
But we are now so seldom
Something makes me stay
And all of your excitement
Seems in direct contravention
To the lives that we have lived
And the things we do not mention
But, in truth, I do not blame you
That you kicked off from the shore
It just hurt to know
You don’t love me anymore
It’s killing me but I’m not scared of death
If you’re wondering why I haven’t done anything yet
As you dare me to move from across the room
With your eyes fixed in a stare of impending doom
And I plead with you for rationality
Can’t you understand reality
And it feels like we are playing with spikes
Stick them into each other with all our might
And double or nothing all our pain
Cause we can’t get over what made it rain
The eve of things yet to come
I’ve broken what you have undone
And shattered glass falls to a shell
You can’t silence rote learning hell
That paves a life that’s just a clock
I didn’t mean to let you unblock
But somehow in the clouded din
You saw through to who I am within
And all the pins clasping me together
Won’t withstand what I remember
When you stood me toe to toe
And looked at what you want you to know
Though it was against my will
The moment held us both so still
And burst into an intimacy
Like there was only you and me
On this whole earth, in this domain
I thought I understood your pain
As you gazed an eternal surrender
I sent the love returned to sender
So it was a double entendre
Outside of our depth and genre
In a place that no one sees
I adore what you have freed
All of these words are just errant musings
The product of introspection and my perusings
And I wonder do they add to naught at all
Just the scribblings of a child in crayon on the wall
But it’s only when I write that I truly see
The breakdown of what is troubling me
And the way I can fix it or how it tapestries
Into the weave of earth’s cosmic mysteries
For there are some things for which no explaining
Could ever illuminate what you’re detaining
When reasons all fail you and you just cannot find
The evidence for your theory that the world is kind
But let it just blossom like the bloom of a bruise
As it spreads out in colours you use
And slowly heals up and returns to source
There are some things even man can’t divorce
Like his or her very own essence
The body is just the skin in which we are dressing
And never can amount to the sum total of us
There’s a power inside where I place my trust
So whether I be broken or raised up on high
I’m aware of that which can never die
And I have been both the bottom of the bowl
And the queen of plaudits but neither touch my soul
I just keep on keeping my cart in the race
And seeing the good in everyone’s face
And nobody worries about the self esteem of the bad
It seems like payback they lost all they had
As punishment reigns on their earthly domain
We say they deserve it when they feel pain
But what are we doing to our brothers and sisters
That we demean them as less in the things that we whisper
And spitefully reap what they could not sow
They’re dead in their eyes so I think I will go
But even if they’ve been bullet strung
They’re not the last step on the laddered rung
And all things of Earth will return to the Divine
It’s just we don’t see how the threads entwine
So forgive the mutineers for they know not what they do
In the words of Jesus and he’s talking to you
So as my broken pen fills out that lament
I send my love to you and that’s where it went
I guess I just got caught in a monumental fire
One that burns me up and never seems to tire
Of eroding me right down to my core
I look to you for help and you tell me I need more
And I guess that you were scared of what I had to offer
Cause it threatened all you had and you needed something softer
But sorry I am made of magnetic steel
And there is no tempering how I feel
Like an ocean, like the sea, like an iceberg standing lone
I always seem to be missing my quintessential home
And I just thought you had it cause when I fell into your arms
You quieted my thoughts and silenced my alarms
And I felt a strange sort of peace descend on my soul
Like I had found the one thing I depend on to be whole
And how you matched my heart with your delicately so
I would have given all I had if you didn’t have to go
And leave me to depart on some far flung trek
I would have walked out on a wire and risked my neck
But to hear you deny me like I never even existed
Took more strength than I owned to have resisted
Crying out for the other half of who I am
And praying that you would understand
But your gaze turned icy cold
And I could see my entitlement in the way I started to fold
And break like that and come apart at the seams
I had always believed in the reality of dreams
And that what was foretold would come to pass
And that one time only love could do nothing but last
But the chains encroached and wrapped around like vines
And I couldn’t speak when you declared you were not mine
But belonged to another and were bonded at the core
When you know it is impossible you only want it more
But I let the full weight of it break my wooden frame
As I conceded to myself I was in love with a name
That stood for a symbol that I was longing to be
What I loved about you is you accepted me
With no conditions and no rules, no, just as I am
So when I shattered the stone I thought you would understand
But it seems there’s only so much you can take
And I will never speak to you again for your own sake
So go live your own life full of happiness and wonder
And I’ll remember how you moved my earth with your rolling thunder
How you cascaded rain down the panes of my vision
And how you hit me in the heart ruthlessly and with precision
And how you struck me on the spot and made me to be
The living embodiment of my own destiny
Beautiful designs paint patterns on the wall
As the faded white lines are designed to enthral
And stun my eyes into a kind of subtraction
That robs me blind of the power of action
And as I stay rooted on the one spot
I think of all the things that I am not
And never could grow up to be
In the conscience of silence it was never me
As I lost my purpose and my will to believe
In anything more than what’s up your sleeve
As you wound me in spindles that went round the earth
I grew up to learn that love could never hurt
Just the jealousy that accompanies that kind of attraction
Could you call it anything more than the king of subtraction
That steals from you the sweetest of feelings
And pours regret into all of your dealings
And how did I come to be bowed down so low
When it was so clear that you’re where I’m to go
And just like a shepherd trying to keep still the night
I don’t know if I harbour the vestiges of fright
For ever having seen an angel celest
I cannot deny that you are the best
It’ll just cause a fight so I don’t bring you up
It’s ten times the trouble of a dropping well love
But the money I spend isn’t worth a damn
When I can’t proclaim that you are what I am
And I want to run to you and fall into your arms
Without setting off all these fire alarms
Cause I’m an inferno and I blaze on through
There’s no way I’ll be loving anyone but you
And if you doubt me then you can read my mind
To see all the people I left behind
Cause my heart could not settle on any less than the truth
I am the target so take aim and shoot
And if a bullet should spring forth from your soul
Then hit me hard and let the rest take its toll
The puzzle strikes complete as it hits me in the heart
It’s like I am the target and you are the dart
As you soar through the sky that is infinitely air
But you know just where you’re going and you meet me there
And all the sideways wanderpaths that interrupt the course
Are just like the river and move without remorse
As everything finds its way and its balance, spirit level
I am the wild and free and there just is no telling
Where I will go next or if it will be true
I just know I’m home when I’m near to you
Do you expect me to thank you for my golden cage
It’s like a book asking a pencil if it could turn the page
And all of these bars make the heart inside me rage
Don’t think that I am playing or that this is just a stage
Cause I was born to be free and to speak the truth
To hold the burning of a fire that was born in my youth
And every day’s an episode of how to handle myself
But you could not give me money to compare to this wealth
Cause I am unbound and hurricane through all their just ideals
There is no limit to my madness or to the heart that feels
And however you may try there is no way to contain
The depth of this emotion or the searing of the pain
Cause it is meant to be lived through and to be understood
Not hidden in the darkness or swept under the rug
In the fountain of denial or the rivers of the mist
I will not be quiet or give in to just subsist
She’s a star shining in your atmosphere
And I guess I really have nothing to fear
Cause that kind of love is never going to drop
You’ve sown a good harvest, now you reap the crop
But I guess sometimes in my wishful thinking
I wish it was my boat that you were sinking
As we wade out into the oceans deep
But you made a promise that you’re gonna keep
Once, long ago, to a heart that was true
What I want to say is I admire you
I know as sure as the light of day
That I am for you on my way
As sure as the stars shine from the sky
I was made to meet your eye
The way the sea is for the shore
I’m for you and so much more
As the land comes bursting forth
With craggy hillsides greening dirt
Bequeaths an ancient promise told
Your heart was made for me to hold
Your soul was made for me to shine
Where ruby gemstones intertwine
And lay you down once more again
Rest where you can call me friend
Whereupon the daydream first began
As fingers itched to hold your hand
And I bowed low to see you there
Wind whispered secrets through your hair
And left me open, undecided
Uncertainty has not abided
Life calls me to be beautified
So from you I no longer hide
But sentinel to stand on guard
Watch over you when times get hard
The earth has claimed me for its own
Be still for you, unmoving stone
Though rushing waters crowd the deep
The love between us does not sweep
Wonderment is the surprise
To be the deep inside your eyes
To be the bend at the edge of the river
To be the strength of a light giver
And somehow I just cannot escape
Superman with his red cape
As he goes flying into town
I listen for the empty sound
Of birds in trees at the end of days
I love you in so many ways
And it all comes to a close in the eclipse
You are the one I don’t have to miss
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There’s a void no ocean can quell
There’s an emptiness nothing can quiet
There’s a silence deep in the darkness
And I just want to try it
Because all of the nights of these days
Comes down to the end of the line
And when it comes to the edge of the road
I just am not fine
Because it all just is a facade
All just an elaborate ruse
All just a dance done out into space
Because I’ve something to prove
So don’t tell me to keep my voice down
Just because it isn’t PC
You must take the good along with the bad
You promised to have all of me
A beautiful disaster isn’t the word for you
But I can’t argue semantics because I am one too
And there are some songs that really fit our name
And playing you’s a joy cause you’re such a perfect game
But the nighttime intercedes in between our days
As you walk away from me in a myriad of ways
And you find your home in some other where
I’ve never been one to pretend I didn’t care
Because I do, I do and never will forget
The time we spent together, the time that we could yet
But if it is your will then I will let you go
It’s not like it is a choice but just so you will know
From now until forever you will be in my heart
We’re begun in an eternity that has no end or start
An emotion that rises from the bowl of my heart
Blue round the edges, midnight from the start
It grows up like waves and encircles me whole
Submerged by its weight in an ocean of coal
In a river titanic that’s growing in size
Bearing down quick and destroying my lies
More hell than heaven, harbinger of doom
The death of us all coming in soon
Fading in a moment, all the people I love
The strength of this sunk like a dove
Close my eyes, my pupils turn in
To meet dark with dark and see what it brings
I can’t bear anymore to watch people leave
My heart shredded up as it hangs on my sleeve
No words of kindness, no enveloping hugs
Stems a current that burgeons out plugs
Any attempts that I make fall flat on their face
As I hold back air like I’m losing a race
Futility complete as I reflect my own eyes
To feel it all fall the point of my life
I’m not of this place, could not be my home
When I was born to love those that are gone
True to the feeling that beats in my soul
Feel it on my lips as it swallows me whole
Drop into sunshine, drop away from the tears
Know I’ve been alive for millions of years
Those not around are a dew drop away
Feel them touch my skin when I just let it lay
Closer in absence than they ever have been
A taste of a world that I’ve never seen
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The love of my life, did I ever think it could be
In the moment we met did I know he’s for me
Cacophonies and dreams all spiralled in one
With an inky black core, in the dark he’s begun
He smiles. Eyes with the sun, mouth with the wind
So he’s lit up and free in the second he grinned
Like the foot of a mountain with snow on the top
Gods hand in the clouds or his curly brown mop
Reverence and awe shine in my hands
As I hold up to him my bare open palms
I’m nothing in this, grassy fields by his side
The air ripples through and my breathing gets light
To do justice to him and honour him whole
Fills up my mind and takes root in my soul
I start for a second and trip over my toe
Because I’m shocked by the feeling he’s where I’m to go
The spirit in him is all I can feel
So light and so pure, nothing I can steal
I’m held for a second in this dazzling white light
And when we move closer respect burns me bright
I nod my head here as his words tumble out
I smile at his face when his eyes fill with doubt
He listens when I talk even though I’m a fool
And the way that he smirks makes me feel like I’m cool
He understands everyone, each knock at his door
Doesn’t turn away beggars or start to ignore
Compassion beats fast in the heart in his chest
As he buys us all crisps, one for me and the rest
He makes his own day from the things that he does
Wakes up devotion in the people he loves
A man like this, to meet on my walk
Close my eyes for a second and God starts to talk
To bring him to me and let me touch his hand
Is far more horizons than I ever had planned
Whisper invisible alights on my cheek
It says go to him, give him all you seek
In dark days of silence, wrap blankets and tea
When he gets lost follow him to the sea
I’m burning inside to be a hug for his arms
A sink soft armchair to be there if he’s harmed
What can I do? I’m lost in this maze
But a home for his head leaves me unfazed
Dewdrops and silence fall in our tears
Stillness and warmth in the drop away years
Embracing and full in the care of above
All of this world born in His love
You rushed along the water’s edge to greet me at the shore
And when I looked into your eyes I couldn’t wish for anything more
But there was a hidden darkness, that was swirling at the edges
And we turned to just the silt and sand that the river dredges
And I never could compassionate the love you gave to me
It’s just you opened up my heart and made my eyes to see
And now I cannot give back what has been revealed at will
All I know is a simple quiet that’s there when I am still
And I hope each day you find the same in what you make of life
If it was up to me then I would meet you twice
But as for now our destinies have us spiraling apart
But know if you’re ever filled with doubt, you have me by the heart
You hear that sound tapping in your head once again
You feel the fire burning, you rustle out a pen
Everything else fades away, you have to get this done
Your artwork down on canvas, your paintbrush weighs a ton
The hammer bangs down, a nail slots into place
You see it coming together, you’re staring into space
The key turns in the engine, the beast begins to roar
But then it chucks and stops, it needs a little more
The rhythm pulls you in, now you can feel the flow
It travels through your fingertips, its sound is soft like snow
You feel the power in your feet, you run with all your might
Eyes fixated, your target is now in sight
Photo Credit: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Ancient-Lullaby-598401499
