The Guy On The Screen

Waiting for the guy on the screen 
Is it just a long dream 
Since I was born 
I've been in love with the storm
That just rages
I use pages 
To rifle through another scene 
And I say that it's just something I've been 
And I wonder if Stephen 
Would smile if the ends weren't even
And I just want to show 
Him the places that I go
When my serenity expands
There are vast oceans of open lands 
That are there for the the perusing 
I have no idea what it is that I'm losing 
When I let you go 
It's the complete unknown and it show 
Me something that I've never seen
But it's nerve wrecking to be the queen 
Of the midnights that just sashay 
Is it okay
If I like you like that 
The boy said he wanted his hat
Back but it was mine
And I tell it to him a thousand time
You can only ever be
The space that you set free

Snare Drum

Hit that snare drum
And I try to do the sum
That will add up to the whole of my life
Am I just a house and a wife
To some man I don't yet know 
Or is there a reason that I just go
To the farthest corners of the earth
To find a way out of the hurt
The distant hum of the fan 
I want to stop it if I can
So I meditate and it doesn't work
I run and I just sweat my shirt 
And I listen to Eckhart Tolle
It switches into something whole
And cascades like the perfect song
Beating the movement where you went wrong 
And I'm listening to my own misery biz 
I used to be the shizz
Now I'm just old and normal 
Saw you in a suit so formal
Looking like you pay the rent
I wonder where the vagabond went
That crashed into my life like a storm 
And he's the fire that keeps the heat warm 
I wish you could know
That I would never let you go 
Only let the line go slack
And wait until you call me back 
And you always do 
I walk another's shoe
Til the soles are worn and dry
I dunno I had to try
And be the one to satisfy 
The longing that reaches out
It quenches thirst to match my doubt
Like that castle in the sky
I meet in dreams that die
Into a morning that just breaks 
And the girl, like the ocean, wakes

Rooting Fir

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The tree beds down deep in my soul
And I’m as icy as the North Pole
On a summer evening
It’s global warming but are you believing
The stories they weave
And it’s cotton wool I have up my sleeve
No knife to stab you in the back
No hatred to make an attack
On what is perfect pure
You loved me but you weren’t sure
That you could trust the branch to bough
But I’ll come close if you allow
Me near your cistern heart
The one that fills before it starts
To empty out
And the earth quakes with your doubt
As you mean it all to me
Could you be my long lost sea

Paper Trains

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Using money as a measurement for success 
All I get is lost in distress
And unconsciousness
As I cling to the wall
Then the whole thing fall
And I look at the rubble at my feet
Why did God let us meet
If he didn’t intend us to be together
I scream in the morning air and the weather
Utters no reply
As dawn breaks over the seat where I lie
And that was back in ten
Number one on my list of men
That I adore
It’s like I found him on the shore
I used to seek solace on
But after I met you the whole thing was gone
It burned up like a candle flame
And all I have to hold is your name
And I remember your hand so soft and cool
That summer we met after school
In the park
And the field is green but the dark
Is just around the corner and I
Know what it is to be left out to dry
Like washing on the line
But don’t worry about it, it’s fine
He looks deeply into my eyes
And I’m momentarily without disguise
Or words to play
“I didn’t know you loved me that way”
I stutter a response
He’s not fooled
The evening changed
And the heat it cooled
Down into a summer balm
And all I feel is this unearthly calm
Creeping over the edges of my perception
The perfect kind of misdirection
To make the minute hour long
“I didn’t know you were that strong”
And the wellspring bubbles to the surface
“My God, aren’t you perfect”
In the moment we hold each other
I could never love another
The way I love you
I close my eyes and it’s just us two

The Bungalow By The Woods

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I run but there’s no race that I win 
I walk away but I think of him
Every single day
Was there really no other way
To handle things
And my heart sings
When the memory rises
And my surprises
To find him there
And find he care
Surpasses all my man made doubt
And a life learned to live without
Like holding back the air
I need to breathe and I care
About what happens to you
I would love to reach out to
You across the great divide
But I fear the rebuff and I hide
My secrets away so safe
And I used to be a little waif
In hunger with what she couldn’t live
I hope that you forgive
Me for my transgression
Why does this feel like a confession
When I’m at a loss as to what to say
So I make something up by the way
And feel all the penance that’s due
I just want to be worthy of you
But you won’t see me no more
I knocked and the door
Opened and closed in my face
Did you know this used to be my place

Not That Bad

Do we just settle for not that bad
When she’s the best you’ve ever had
And I’m walking down lines and roads
Kissing princes, they turn into toads
And I’m way past what I used to be
I wish I could’ve looked forward to see
Where that path might lead
And all the aggrandizement that made me bleed
When it was one need
And the law says take heed, take heed
Of all that you don’t know where
And maybe people do care
It’s just that you could‘nt see
I reach out and say; it’s me
As the soft of his voice reminds me of your arms
And we grew up on separate farms
In rural Irish ways
And I don’t care what anyone says
You’re still the one for me
I loved you so I let you go free
Now I just want to capture
Evince a state of rapture
That might never be known
And I want to love, don’t want to own
If that’s okay with you
I’m gonna wait coz I want to

Changing Me

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I’m a bit different
But I’m still the same
Growing up
Without a name
And I know I was immature
And harsh as hell
And pushed away
Anyone who wanted to tell
Me how to live my life
2.5 kids and a wife
And now he’s got all that
And all I have is to want him back
And it’s a flailing in the water drunk
It’s a commerce cost that’s sunk
Like the coconut on the veranda
And I wrote a poem about Amanda
Because she reminds me of you
I left but it wasn’t coz I wanted to

Amanda’s Dream

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Driving through town and I think of Amanda
She was into the emo scene
And her hair was long
Like a fucking queen
And I try to emulate what I saw back then
Seventeen 2.0 again
And I wonder where he is
If he has a wife and kids
I used to check his deets
Before I admitted utter defeat
And the family life always seemed empty
Like why would you when you’re good looking and twenty
But when you’re thirty three and laying waste
Everyone seems to say; make haste, make haste
And I’m like a rock in the river, it just flows by
And it might be a long time before I die
And forty looks scary as hell
Do you grow up or lose life as well
Coz age hasn’t changed the core of peace
And forgiveness might be the only release
For what she did to me
If you wake up are you free
Or do you deal with encumbrance still
Going through a dark night of the will

Conflict In The Vortex

It’s like sex doesn’t exist
Though it pertinently does
As it drew you down from above
Into a human incarnation
Til all the cells are in formation
And in a cohesive whole
Come together to house your soul
In a container, a vessel pure
But mind your language, you must be demure
And not let your thoughts stray
Admit to thinking and feeling that way
About him
And a woman can’t win
Coz she gets beat
If she can’t stand the heat
Of the furnace roar
Blowing a blazing breeze into a soar
As it brushes back your hair
Did you know that I was there
When I looked at you
I thought you looked at me too
But the army’s engaged
And, the battle, it raged
On an open plain
Saying we’ll never do that again
But we do, obviously
And it is no mystery
Why in these many streams
We can’t be the one who dreams
Coz we keep waking with a shudder
And I may never be a mother
Coz I’m hopelessly devoted to a dream that I
Will follow til the day I die
And I dunno
If it will let me go
And make a life
Be someone’s other half, their wife
And the suitors are few
But each one of them borrowed their eyes from you

The Ominous Cloud

The ominous cloud
Hangs over your wall
She says that it’s better
Coz it makes you tall
To want to see over
The match that she’s made
But all this cement
Just puts me in the shade
As she cries and wails
And moans and tears
How could I have put up
With this for years
As she tries to convince
To follow her way
But I’m not down to serve
What you think that you say
And you hit hard and hit soft
It depends on the weather
Throw a knife in my back
So you can know it better
And it’s nothing but forests
This calamitous rain
It seems she takes refuge
In the hallways of pain
And she claims that she loves me
She swears she does
But she gets out her gun
To shoot my white doves
And I forgive
But I move away
I won’t be bowed low
By the things that you say
By the attitude you wear
Like a camisole top
I gave you my heart
But my soul you have not

Your Supernova

You supernova 
And I’ll pull ova
In my car
Pick you up at the bar
Coz you don’t drive
Are you still alive
Coz I never know
People are there
And then they go
And is it just my belief
That death could be blessed relief
Or some kind of saintly air
All I know is Heaven is there
When you break the sun like a smile
And I’m wondering all the while
“Will this thing end?”
But I’m your friend
In a come what may
I won’t give up on what you say
When you say it to me
I kiss the bird and I set him free

Dropping The Bass

One moment of togetherness in the pit of my stomach
It’s like that drop when the rollercoaster plummet
And you know that there’s no going back
You’re my personal heart attack
In a dark room or on a screen
And it was later I saw you as the dream
Always at arms length away
Coz it’s not safe if you stay
That close to me
You’re threatening my captivity
And I wanna be free
So I got lost in a degree
Where I make two and two equal four
But you’re on the other side of the door
Singing please let me in
So I let myself love him
Soft and slow
Like I am letting you go
But then I took a storm
Said this thing isn’t even warm
Though the lightning cracks
And you let loose some things you can’t take back
And I swore we’d never speak again
And I lost my tenuous faith in men
But it keeps coming back to find me
I’m just being eccentric so don’t mind me
When this reel is done
I’ll shine like the fuckin sun

The Elucidate

Trying to elucidate 
The thing I used to call my fate
And I’ve got a lot on my plate
As they silence the confusion
But watch what you’re calling a delusion
Coz you don’t know what you say
They don’t understand so they put me away
And I fought and I raged against the machine
But would you make war with a dream
Or just see the sunset over the glen
And if I fight it’ll just happen again
One where the man breathes down my neck
And search for a ship he can wreck
And will I just be mad til my dying day
Or will the pain just go away
If I stand up and believe
She rolled up tissues under my sleeve
So I’d have something if I got stuffy nosed
The camera was paused so I posed
But I just look like him
So I took it again

Interpretations

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Can psychosis be precocious 
Or is it just kundalini
Is it love or does it just demean me
Like the woman said on the tv
I’m four years old and I cut my knee
I still have the scar
At 64 will that be what you are
Just another favor of my youth
Oh, time can be such a brute
It offers you the sky
But with a catch, you die
In the end or before your time
I’m hesitant so I rhyme
To make sense of things
Meaning out of broken wings
And I was in a tight enclosure
Thought I’d die from exposure
To the sun
Coz there’s this light shining from everyone
And the man passed my bed
I thought I’d pass out instead
Coz I was just riding the vibe
Living (coz I am alive)
And he thought it was the bathroom glare
There were no locks in there
And they would bang on the door
And say; “just doing the check”
And I’m just some ship you wreck
With your foreign shore
Why the hell do I want more
Instead of less
It’s like some sort of undress
When my soul is bare
And you found the thread that started the tear
I got in your head and wound up in there
Where they parcel the joy
But I exchange it for a boy
I just found by the side of the road
I said to leave down the load
Even just for a moment, in my presence
And I could feel his essence
Start to fly
I hope I don’t die
Before I see him again
And I break my rule on men

Syllables

That single syllable that’s uttered inside
Does it go away when a person has died
That resounding Om
Does it disappear or does it just go home
And the gong, it rings
The spirit sings
And we are entrapped in everythings
Like diamonds, jewels, bands of gold
What you buy and what isn’t sold
I left the mountain I hold so dear
I abandoned a friend and it’s crystal clear
That I did her wrong
And her song
Sings to me in the darkest night
Lord, I hope she is alright
Because she had to fight fire and bone
Stand up straight when she was all alone
And she’s always been something like home
Though I no longer stare at my phone
Hoping something will come through
And that I might hear from you
Like the days of yore
And what we all were before
The crystal glass cracked and shattered
Like a cod we’re a little bit battered
And I don’t pretend to entertain
What you lived out in vain
But the rain
Falls on all of us
And trust
Is not something you can break
When it is constant and for my sake
The glistening
Of a bird on the wing
As it shoots through the sky
Suspended between what will and will not die
Will always rise
And the horizon
Will always shine
It is minute but it is mine

Trauma And Its Evidence

Do I break the lid on categorical pain
That seems to be as seasonal as rain
And some people walk through a waterfall
But they don’t seem to get wet at all
And I climbed up mountains and I ran down valleys
Befriended enemies and demonized allies
But it never got me away
From what I quintessentially say
And as a baby I cried a lot
But what was it that time forgot
My first day of school
Or when that girl broke the golden rule
Watched my reflection in another’s eyes
Or felt the pain when somebody dies
Like my skin is being ripped from my bones
Or the silence when I’m all alone
Feels so much like peace
When the noise cease
And you can’t erase the childhood you own
The good, the bad, before the iPhone
That we didn’t post
Or the narcissism when that person ghost
Me over something I didn’t say
So I let her walk away
Took it out on a guy
Who was the answer and the reason why
The stars shone like diamonds in his eyes
He suddenly lit up the night skies
And the river runs deep and true
I forgot about loss the moment that you
Held my hand, they were all asleep
And is it just like a trinket I keep
Like so many others
And the cloud smothers
Me with its love
Though I still look above
For a being I can’t find
I didn’t really go out of my mind
I just had to get away
And what people say
Claws at me
But the thaw reaches deep and sets me free
From the aching of time
A moment, nothing, and then It was mine

Solipsis

The sun is shining
The leaves are green
And I thank you for
All that you have been
In the midnight stars
Or ocean blues
I see you in
Sunset hues
And when the dawn
Comes for the day
I thank you for
What's gone away
And what has risen
In its place
I'm home again
In open space

Steven On The Stillorgan Road

I think you are beautiful, I think you're a star
You really don't know how lovely you are
And I'd love to look at you and see you within
Your soul forms a shape and its constellating
And your eyes they are diamonds that shine from your core
I'd love to love you and then a little bit more
And your face draws my gaze but I don't want to stare
All I know is that I know you are there
And you don't fade away and you do not flinch
In the years that have passed you have not moved an inch
And we may be old and weary on the bone
But I know in your presence I am not alone
And I wish I could spend some time by your side
Kiss the ground that you walk because you walk alive
Shrink the violets to colour the room
Thank you for coming not a minute too soon


Photo Credit: https://pin.it/4jJmaS8

Ultramarine

Saving orcas down by the pond
And you didn't know but I waited there til you were gone
And you'll never see
But I wanted to ask if you would marry me
With your poetic stare
You captivate people who aren't even there
And I missed the day you filmed with your latest band
And laughed out loud and said it'll be grand
Cause you've got that mysticism
Carving a river with the blades of a prism
And bending lines of truth like light through the water
I was afraid to be such a daughter
Because you are like no one else
And your hand magnetises atoms the molecules felt
As you hold me close
Not with arms but a holy ghost
And you be company
In the darkest night when guns ignite you sat next to me
In midnight blues
That turn into mornings that can't handle you
Cause you are so delicately fine
And I'm afraid I will crush in the vice of my love what I want to be mine
But you are not for the taking
You've got your own soul mixed with the rock and roll of the path you are making
You beat your own track
And I fear I will never cross your piercing endeavour on my way back
Now you've got a success life
And I'm just a drifter who wonders if you missed her cause you said I was nice
I guess I never felt enough
To fill the chasm or the hole in the depths of your soul with a glass bottle love
You are magic beams
When I wonder if this earth is all that I'm worth you speak to my dreams
I wish I was like you
So fearlessly true
And unafraid
Yes I confess, you marked the spot
Where the Last Airbender won't fail to remember what you thought she forgot
I hold a star for you
And I plot the chart of my constellation heart every night that comes through
Stay forestry amid the plain
I cracked the stone and I let the rain

Double Doors

Siena’s tried cocaine
I tried to numb the pain
With all the alcohol
But I’m just throwing bricks at the wall
Hoping that they stick
Don’t be a dick
About it
Wasn’t I right to doubt it
Now I see you in her arms
And none of your charms
Can weasel your way back to me
Just take that jack to the wheel and see
I’m not for the changing
And all the flowers fading
Don’t mean that summer’s gone
Another year and this song
Will be played
What you say
Don’t mean a thing
And another ring
To hold my finger tethered to your soul
And the waves don’t crash to your rock and roll
Anymore
You see that door
It opens from the inside out
And my mouth
Is not somewhere you find yourself
I am no Christmas elf
To deliver parcels to your tree
I just want you to be free with me
And let it go
I followed you just so you know

The Pain Of Mankind

The guy cheats on his girl
With a woman he’s made his world
And I see the flicker in his eyes
That is the tell in his disguise
As she tries to put distance between
Me, her, him and the dream
And it’s not like I own the dude
But do I intrude
To ask my boo
If he’s been making love to you
Behind my back
He sees the threat and he attack
Me for all my voice can tell
And it reaches out to you as well
And it’s like the storm knows what is
And you were never his
Just like he was never mine
Just a way I did time

Galaxies

Coming down from the sky
Wondering if I’m gonna die
As the wings catch air
And a shudder ripples in there
How does a flight
Set enough fire to ignite
A storm in me
And history
Is nothing new
So stars are spilling from the space that’s you
A galaxy, a kaleidoscope
And Regina begins to hope
As she crawls up off the floor
Why is to know you to adore
The shawl you clasp around your shoulder
And we’re not getting any older
Only more well versed in the scene
Even if the whole thing is a dream
To be deciphered by a sleuth like me
To know me is to set me free

The Broken Girls Club

Welcome to the broken girls club
Admission is free
But it will cost you more
Than you ever thought it could be
And is it just an excuse that we get to use
To say we can’t live up to the point you prove
With pen on paper
And the people who hate her
Cutting like incisors
Labeled as survivors
When it’s just a midnight rush
That is tender to the touch
That spirals out into infinity
Are you listening to me
At all
And I hit a wall
Or bedrock
As you claim to be what I am not

My Melancholia

The streets are awash with my well worn fame
But just coz you know my name
Doesn’t mean you know what I am
And I have a plan
To be the best thing since sliced pan
But I get interrupted
And things must be adjusted
To fit my frame
I used to love the game
There was that time my vision narrowed
Watching films and the haunting harrowed
As everyone just moved on
The place where I stood was long gone
And images rose up like a screen
Popping bubbles in the dream
And I lay in bed
Trying to quench the firestorm in my head
At eighteen
In Roebuck Hall stifling a scream
Into my pillow
Now she’s released Willow
Into the world
And I’ve grown up a girl
Into a fortress strong
Resilient that could never be wrong
And I spilt ink all over the page
Used my pen to rage and rage
Instead of caging the beast
I let the paper become the feast
And devour the pain inside
I don’t think I need to hide
Coz I know there’s a whole plethora
Of people who wish they didn’t know that
That which I’m talking about
And the words that came out of my mouth
Were confused and afraid
Like the sun had just put me in the shade
But it’s all in the past
Though the strength will last
Some kind of quantum leap
In consciousness that doesn’t sleep
Even when my eyes close
Are there reasons for everything, only God knows

Say You Do

We sprung right back
Like an elastic band
I caught your eye
When I held your hand
And you brushed my shoulder
As you walked past
We rolled boulders
To make the damn thing last
But the splinter appeared
And horror stuck
The bombs went off
And I screamed “duck”
As we both fought it out
Through hammer and nails
I dunno about you
But running never fails
And will I find you
On the other side of the water
The bells are ringing
But you haven’t caught her
In the snare that just appeared
I still remember when Vonnie said cleared
And everything changed
Like the social molecules rearranged
Around the system of a new regime
And I realized the world is a dream
But a convincing one
As I put trust in the Son
To lead me out of smoke and mirrors
And he doesn’t believe in everything he hears
As I play a symphony
To the tune of his melody
On a keyboard or guitar
Oh, how to know what you are
Coz my words could never contain
The colour of your magnificent pain

Flights Of Panic

The curbs of death
Mark the pavements of my mind
And I’m stepping on cracks
And what I left behind
Coz no one’s exempt
I dunno where it all went
The love and the fever
Do you think that you could just believe her
When she shines her light
And everything will be alright
They are not just grey platitudes of wishes
That flit across your mind as you’re washing the dishes
And a sudden plate falls from your grasp
Ceramic but it shatters like glass
All over the hardwood floor
Or tiled with patterns you adore
And there’s a mess
Like a man and woman in undress
Fixing pieces together
But the target moved and now the weather
Is spilling snow
Oh, all that you did not know
When you were young
Was I always this highly strung
And a friend permits
Me to call it quits
On anxious furore
Who are they after, who was I before
Indeed, was there ever a pre
Or is it just me
Who clatters the makings of another dawn
Something whispers; “they’re not gone”

Choppy Seas

The non Christian nature of my poems
Not rooted in love and charity
But the turmoil of a soul well oiled
I writhe in confusion
Is this a calling?
Am I meant to put pen to paper
And write out the storm
The crackle of firelight keeps me warm
But it pushes others away
Because even the best
As separate can’t stay
Only in the groundswell
In the depths of our origin
Are we one
Beyond the surface reality
Of seeming appearances
We share that underlying wellness
That defines all time
Sets a clock ticking
And a person to mime
As though ocean days were all they had
In forests and grey hairs
We’re getting older
And I wish someone would’ve told her
That it was all okay
Oh, leave it up to me!
I turn the key
And set you free

A Little Bit Longer

The hate boils like oil in my throat
A corrosive on the metal you float
When you send it out to sea
Don’t count on it if you rely on me
Coz man I am no steam train
But I swear if you use that phrase again
I might just pop my cork
The road less travelled and the fork
Is driving me half insane
Did you just use my name
To describe a certain state of mind
But it’s the world I leave behind
When I step out on the bridge
It’s like a Rocky Mountain ridge
As I traverse these perilous seas
That would have anyone on their knees
But I am not designed to please
Only be truthful and real
Do you know what you tried to steal?

Pondering My Life

Sitting in a New York café
Wondering whose gonna win the day
Is it me or my fear
I shake because the doom was near
And it pulled me far away from the storm
Do you think the sun is warm
Or is it just faking it’s heat
But I can feel it on my feet
As my toes shake sand
Out of the knots in my hand
Like a well worn tree
He left and then never met me
And I gotta find God
Do you venerate the Lord
And is it just another symbol
Or can you see out the window
To where the grass is green
Something in me has always been
And will abide
I don’t have to hide
From the shirking of weight
They call it luck, I call it fate

Leagues

I dig you
Like a grave
And you’re the hero
I’d die to save
In the monuments
Of long lost glory
And are you just staring
At my story
As we put leagues
In between ourselves
Like Walmart
And stacking shelves
For all our worth
I swore but it still hurt
And cursed the stubbing toe
It didn’t make the pain go
Only added a layer of ennui
I’m always longing for open sky
To set sail a sea
Into the blue eternity
That stretches out the clouds
Until I make the people proud
With who I am
Something about love
And God’s plan

Sony In My System

The sound of defeat as he chooses another lady
And I dunno but I think that she hates me
For intruding on their sacred space
But he was a drug I loved to taste
And the hit was high
And it’s so hard to say goodbye
Like it’s a final sort of end
Or worse maybe we’re still friends
And he could call me pal
But I’m not a second best sort of gal
I’d rather cut my losses and run
Find something else that shines the sun
And who knows, maybe it’s not a man
Maybe there’s no limit to what I can
Do
It’s just not you
And I turn on the radio and it’s a Sony
Listening to that guy that’s lonely
And maybe I’ll meet him in Blue Note
Give him letters that he can quote
Like before
When he beat a path to my door
Only for me to fly
And the year the whole world threatened to die
In a storming cavalcade
Is it a fate we can evade
Or is it an absolute rest
We get the day before the test

Looking At Him

Looking at him
And I cannot win
Coz he commands the deck
And is a head wreck
As I try to emerge from my cocoon
But the flavour of him is in the room
And I try to run but I cannot escape
Do you remember when Superman had a red cape
And couldn’t see through lead
Kryptonite and you’d leave him for dead
For all his muscle memory
He hasn’t got the best of me
Coz I’m no Lana Lang
One of the girls who also ran
I’ve got my own flair and kick
Do you know what you’re dealing with
As they try to tear me to shreds
For what the people do in beds
And I fight my way out with storm and grit
Go ahead and call me a bitch
For failing to reply to your text
But do you know what scene is next
In the brimming full of Diagonal Alley
I’m on the land overlooking the valley
And I can’t stand the facetiousness
Of the person they think they address
When they hurl their words at me
Who do you think you free
When you’re all about captivity
And holding me back
Then the weather attack
The spacious air
I should know coz I was there
When it all went down
Now it’s just the past and the sound
Of tomorrow’s bells won’t ring in this city
And you could say it’s a pity
But it wasn’t so sad when you were staring down
The woman you love in a white gown
Like it was something you could fake
I hear it in the sharp intake
Of breath that you breathe
That’s life, they say, but it’s the life I need

Somewhere Clandestine

Stuck in ‘08
It was my date with fate
As it led me to your door
Did you want me more
More than I can attest
And we’re both fully dressed
But I feel your eyes rake over me
Like we’re naked with destiny
Just us and the come what may
And you fill up the gaps in what I cannot say
But it’s subterfuge and we’re resting in hiding
But there’s something of love that is all abiding
Now you’re sharing your soul with someone else
With skin so thin you could make a heart melt
With the fire that burns off you
It seared a part of me too
And I can’t change the fact of you
I’m not the same and neither are you
But we both kinda are
Like the atoms forged in a star
Or the matter that make time and space
Bend the equivalent of the human race
To the tune of light refract
I never said no but I still want you back
Standing outside my window
It’s true there were days that I looked at him, though
And I cannot deny my feelings were real
With the depth of the red that he deal
An ace of hearts
And mine almost starts
To beat double time
He was the essence of fine
As he’d crack a smile in my direction
Like he’s open to cards if I make selection
And he lives just across the hall
And he kinda caught the ball
When I threw it at him
Is it a decision I cannot win
Coz I love them all
The truth in my own freefall

Great Big Ocean

I thought the great big ocean would find me
But it’s always been just the tide
Counting the beats of my step
To the heart that keeps me alive
And the summers in the city
Where I counted my blessing
He asked me if I was serious
I said shur I’m only messing
And the wild within me got unlocked
Like a fabled Pandora’s box
All the crucible to fly
Is to live to know how to die
Coz we’re born with these bodies
We don’t know how to use
Then we get attached
To something we lose
And every breath is a tear
With a fragrance of flower
But people are reckless
When they have power
And moan and shine and wither and break
Then tell you they do it for your sake
But it could never tally up
Not when you call it love
And I had a bite of the unconditional
Now I move and walk and it’s not volitional
Coz she spilt the beans on me
Now every secret’s flying free
And a demolishment has been rendered
In the space my hope engendered
It cascaded tears
Now I measure the war in years
That I’ve been through
And I blame you
For all the absent meanders
I don’t have all the answers
But can I learn to be a little less jaded
The pain’s the same but the scars have faded
And I only give leave for a moment to be
The epitome of running free

The Line

I hear the bullet ricochet
As you utter truth
I’d say I love you
But you’re such a brute
To give and leave and take away
All that had come to stay
With me for all of time
You say that the fault is mine
But I hear the chime
Of wind bells on the porch
I know I seem out of sorts
But it’s just dealing with the loss of you
And the trauma of what you put me through
Just to prove that you were right
You rained Heaven onto a darkened night
And I’m still living by candlelight
Since the power cut
I don’t think I’m in a rut
It’s just no one sees me clear
And, God knows, I hold you dear
But there’s too much storm in the air
So I high tailed it outta there
And now you’re mad as hell
But I never tell
You what I really feel
Coz I know you cannot deal
With the intense focus of my desire
And you may be all fire
But I am wind and air
And it blew you away, me being there
And I laugh and you deny
That I ever made you cry
But sometimes tears fall like rain
I know I’ll see you again

The Girl That Stands On Guard

She’s got it on lock
The dark she is not
She’s stellar, she’s a star
And I wonder what you are
As we fight to keep our heads above water
Swimming in currents that aim for caught her
As we span the ocean in a gaze
I wonder how many people she’s saved
As she throws a glance like a dagger across the room
And I dunno how to work the zoom
Function on my camera
But I just tie my bandana
Red around my head
And there have been so many left dead
By the dark side of the human psyche
I keep wondering what it is that ignite me
So I can burn like a fire in the hearts of men
Is it going to happen again
Or have we turned a corner on life on earth
Is there depth to transcend the hurt
Or will the storm come to rage once more
I knock a rap upon the door
Coz I have to be let in
I know that there’s something there in him
That can spin a dial so right
I walk by the light
In your window
Is it a sin though
To see what’s really beating a heart
If we abdicate do we take part
In the slow drive to floor
The ground that crashes to meet us, a stór
Or can stars hold space
For us as we lay waste
To all we’ve known
Have the people grown
Up and out of a tendency
But I feel the collective pull at me
To get me to identify
But I can’t let the children cry
For what we’ve done to them and us
Is it a mirror of broken trust
That we catch ourselves upon
We’re going down but love isn’t gone
Not yet or forever
Can we be the sky that knows the weather
That spins a chrysalis
As a diamond kiss
The pressure that we’ve known thus far
I feel like we can only drive this car
A certain length down the road
Has our maturity showed
As we stand up to the shelter
I close my eyes coz this is a belter

Incognito Window

Incognito window, I’m under the radar
I don’t know about the force or Darth Vadar
But I know that I can make planets spin
With the love that’s inside and the peace within
And it’s all blowing leaves off the trees
There are no words for the wonder it frees
When the weight just drops
The what you are’s in the space the love’s got
And I am not a mountain but I am not hill
I can move power with the strength of will
And she never helped me out
But I guess that’s just the space in doubt
To be forgotten or held so close
Do you see through what I love the most
Or must I just let it die
Not be afraid to spill tears and cry
Over what is yet to come
And a woman takes away the man’s son
What can you do but acquiesce
The movement’s in the way you dress
And shoulder weight like diamond mines
I’d let it go coz it’s fine
In the sunshine and the rain
I don’t think that I can do this again
So I relinquish the right to be wrong
And open heart into a song
To make it alright again
I give up on the world you spin

Echoed Through These Halls

The sound of you
Has echoed through these halls
And it’s bringing down barriers
And cavernous walls
Until all is a grand open space
With not one instant of my time gone to waste
And I hit pause in 2011
All because the sound of Heaven
Was just too damn real
And you’re not the boy I want to steal
Away with into the night
But you came close to it, alright
And I spill ink on the canvas I draw
I’m like the cold witch and my bones start to thaw
In the sunlight you bequeath
And I guess I’m embarrassed so I stare at my feet
But you turn my face upward with your palm
You look at me and I am calm
I’m the storm that surround
You are worth the way it resounds
And leaves me feeling like friend is ancient
I’m an artist and I try to paint it
But it never lives up to what you are
A feeble try to condense a star
Into matter and fusion
But it was just confusion
To say I don’t love you so
And I just want you to know
That you crack the glass with your smile
And I dream of you for a little while
But it is real as can be
I took the biscuit but just dip it in tea

The Long Walk

Muddy shoes walk all over my floor
As I proclaim it’s a man that I adore
And it could be Christ the King
Or the boy with a broken wing
All I know is that the stars announce
The girl I was, the one that you denounce
As I place one foot in front of another
Never knew what it was like to have a brother
Who watches my back
Just a girl and the attack
Was launched on me
Fifteen years and I’m still not free
Of what she inflicted
And don’t worry, you haven’t dicked it
It just I carry the scar that hurts
I blame you for it and what’s worse
Is that I make myself suffer for what never was
I don’t know gravity because
When I was brought down to earth
I was in open space and the dirt
Is evidence on my coat
That I met a Holy Ghost

FOMO

The fear of missing out
Haunts my sideboard
Coz nothing’s enough
I swear on the word
That I utter
Under my breath
I’m on my way
But I’m not there yet
And everything glistens
Like sunny snow
Out of my reach
But don’t you know
It’s closer than it was
And I didn’t break any laws
When I wished you down
I tore the tatters on my gown
Into the shape of a badass queen
What if this is just a dream
That is happening in consciousness
Do you trust
In the powers that be
Is it ok or will we see
What is coming down the line
There was that moment you stopped time
And I was taken by an intake of breath
It’s sharp and I cannot forget
It’s impact on my soul
I keep catching glimpses of being whole

In His Eyes And In His Hair

I dunno if it would be a sin
But I would like to make sweet love with Fin
It’s in his eyes and it’s in his hair
It’s in his way of just being there
And answering me when I ask a question
Though I may be prone to suggestion
When he drops a line on my telephone
And I can feel that I’m not alone
In this world we call suffering and plight
But I think it just might be alright
As a new day dawns and succumbs
To the growing up when you are youngs
Or as the girl says as she drums
Her breath against the walls of her lungs
It it just like I thought it would be
Like you’re an ocean and I love the sea
To be tranquil and to be still
I’ve overcome hate but it wasn’t with will
It was with the simple joy of the act
And they way you trust when there’s no turning back
In a pair of hands he just held out
Like you’re the beauty I hate to doubt
But I do coz everything’s thin
But I’m full of peace when I’m with him
Like he came to me to be my savior
Like the bar and he knew how to raise her
Up from where she lay askance
And suddenly this life’s a beautiful dance
That has all atoms singing in motion
No neighbors to say it’s just commotion
But a heavenly chorus unto the dawn
One minute it’s there and the next it’s gone
But there’s something steady in all the rubble
And you speak to me from beyond the trouble
To a place safe and warm
Like we have weathered the worst of the storm
In being together when the night
Closes in and we have to fight
Even to breathe into the sky
People come and go and then they die
As everything reborn renews
And I forget to pay my dues
Coz I just can’t be bothered with anything sunny
I know you’re laughing but it isn’t funny
How I got into this state
From Armageddon to irate
To all is quiet on the western front
Til he takes a bite and chews the brunt
Of the worst of it all
I held out my hand and you’re my freefall

The Occidental Perambulation

It’s so easy to see it in someone else
So hard to manage my mental health
Coz I feel the tightrope laid out for walking
People have their opinions but they’re just talking
As I balance on a line I pray won’t fray
Coz I’ve lost seasons to the going away
And somewhere in the weather a monumental tome
Whispers to me, so soothe me, you’re not alone
And I crack like an egg at the edge of the bowl
Searching for a reason to make me whole
And she’s got it like atoms bound together so tight
Quark an oblivion into the night
And it’s some days on Monday’s I just like to run
Up the hill and down coz baby it’s fun
As I feel my limbs unloosen like rain
As if the release is coming again
And I hid in the tree up on a branch
If I lived in Texas I would own a ranch
To let animals roam free without care
If you think to cross me, baby, don’t dare
Coz I’m dynamite and you sit on the fuse
Crackling amber like there’s nothing to lose
And the sparks that you make warm me and threaten
To let loose all the eons I’ve spent regretting
The time that has passed or didn’t so
You hurt me so deeply so I let you go
But I’m always wanting to see you again
I get lost in the rouge of the colour of men
Coz they’re so fly it’s near as they open their eyes
Like winds blowing doors to adjacent surprise
And it was nothing but all up in the air
When he said hello and I knew he was there
As I faltered a goodbye or a maybe someday
But I let him in and it’s not going away
Though we both slam shut to a degree
And I’d be the more likely down on one knee
As the rivers race oceans to get to the shore
Absence is fondness and I love him more
For all of the ways we can’t be together
I look up at the sky and say, hey man, that’s weather

Man Of My Dreams

Monika Luniak https://pin.it/53bM2WK
He’s gotta be cool and he’s gotta be sweet
And it’s gotta be fireworks the day that we meet
It’s gotta be sunshine, it’s gotta be rain
And it’s gotta be turmoil not seeing him again
And what if the person I describe is you
I wonder would you describe me too
If you could put pen to write out a list
Second guess what I dismissed
As only passing, temporary, soul
But it’s like making music at the Super Bowl
There’s a crowd there that will cheer
And far away seems so near
When you are so close
Temporal as a Holy Ghost
To reach up and touch
The man I love so much

My Secret Escape

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I had feelings for you back in the day
But then I just used you to explain Darragh away
And he’s the secret that I’ve been keeping
The magnificent dragon quietly sleeping
In the recesses of my soul
Is there a together in the growing old
Where we can both warm our hands by the hearth
Find our own way in the dark
As he speaks to me
Weaving a thread on the tapestry
To paint the picture of us
And we’ve always had trust
Why did you hide your face
So I couldn’t keep you in place
Where you were
Let you run off with an adjacent her
In the winter of my life
Moored in strife
As the cavalry came
To take all but my name from me
Then suddenly starshot in the oblivion
I saw a remnant of what I’d been living in
A moment of truth
And I can’t claim the auspices of youth
Anymore
Is that you at my door?
Well, for God’s sake come in!
You’ll catch your death if you’re waiting for him

Here I Come

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Am I about to dive into the rabbithole scene
I haven’t felt love like this since it was just a dream
And his words are fuckin’ insane
But I still remember his name
And the way his hair curls around in locks
The way he walks a palace that time forgot
And shows me in mornings what’s up for the day
At least that’s what she said when I asked her, okay?
And you know in the quiet what’s left to be said
You’re always making your home where you lay your head
And find something honest and real and true
That was just with them and now it’s with you
In the maybes you ache as you shout a refrain
I love the hope of you and I walked through the rain
To be the storm centre, the very eye
Take care of yourself and make sure you don’t die
At least for another fifty or so years
Make art out of pain when the canvas is tears
And look up to the heavens when the sky clears
I drink one to you when I’m having my beers
I’ll laugh out loud and simply guffaw
When I’m running from stares and the vacancy law
That seems to hold court and company
I don’t know about you but I’m down on one knee
Professing my love to the moon and stars
Do you remember the days when it was prison bars
And nothing meant anything to anyone you know
Now you wave at me as I watch you go
With the train that has taken you from the station
I guess congrats are in order for the celebration
Of all you have earned that is duly yours
And I know you could say that this is all words
When I never make it out of the snowstorm that snaps
Full of whodunnits and who gives a craps
And at least if I’m honest I’ll say this to you
You gave perfect a spin now the ancient is new
Now the midnight is dawn and all the renew
You cut fabric in strips out of jeans that are blue
So you’ve something to wear when the darkness escapes
And teach me the truth that not all heroes wear capes

Contemplations

I spent my youth fearing old age
Now I’m finally flipping the page
And finding out that the aforementioned
Is really not in this dimension
Because I extend out
Far beyond the realms of doubt
To the furnace roar and the circumstance
Do you know the electrons dance
In perpetual motion
And nothing can replace devotion
In the furthering of things
And a million rings
Cannot make me replace
The love that I came here to taste
And just drink in
It wasn’t just with him
But everyone
Everyone the immaculate Son
Of Destiny
Do you think he thinks of me
With his hand on the trigger
A rifle to fire
But love’s not down low
But somewhere higher
To take in the vista
And one can only say “I missed ya”
If you believe the lie
People we love cannot die
But fly
On immutable wings
And everything in creation sings
Of its unborn nature
My love, I could never hate ya

As Cyclical As The Sun

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I go down and come back up
As cyclical as the sun to rise
I’m never lost in rainy weather
But it’s under blue skies
Coz summer comes and summer goes
The seasons change but, God knows,
It’s something that remains the same
It does not go by any name
Nor is it bought by any man
A bough holds its weight because it can
And I see you
In the waves of us two
To delineate
Something beyond the hate
That has us swinging vines
Like ten thousand times
A Tarzan in the air
But, my love, you care
I can see it in the avenues
The aching arches of the blues
You sing to me late at night
And I walk on a rope that’s tight
Across a cavern steep
Do you know how to go to sleep
When the light goes out
Oh, forget it, just kiss my mouth
And we can be as lovers are
In union, poles of a star
Celestial in its defeat
What happenstance made us meet
Or preordination
The destination
Of education
At the summit of the pillar
Just so you know you didn’t kill her
Just made a dent in the facade
Grew up through realms of feeling bad
Wry consternation
You’re on the box so I flip the station
Onto some other tune
Nevertheless you’re in the room
Calling soul
What’s a ball to do but roll
Down an ungainly hill
You call but I never will
Attempt to explain all you engender
When you say you don’t remember
What we were
And that it’s the same with her
Is this bitterness
Or envy in its undress
To lay a claim
On someone else’s surname
What’s a girl to do
I let it go and so do you
Til we’ve nothing left to leave
What you are I can’t believe

Lightly Sedated

They paved a path and told me to walk
I tried to speak up, they said it’s all talk
As I contradict
The line they’re running with
Could you spare a minute doctor dear
I wanna make something clear
I am moved by the immutable force
Like a river by nature just follows the course
That sends it from spring to the sea
Well, so it is with me
As I feel the flow
You tell me not to let go
But I’m not holding on
The thing you look for is long gone
And the clambering rock on the cliff that I scale
Is not enough to make my courage fail
Because I’m brilliant red and Griffindor
You’re looking for less but I’ve got more
Than you ever could contain
Within the concept of rain
Must I say it to you again
As I slouch around the hall
I’m fuckin’ bored, will you pass me the ball
So I can shoot it in the net
Remind you that I don’t forget
The lines you litter with your feet
I never spoke about the monumental meet
I had with a guy so sweet
It’s cooking time and the heat
Is too much for me to stand
I look at him and he takes my hand
And holds it close to his face
A beauty that I can’t erase
As he’s speaking to my doubt
Don’t need to have to do without
But within is where I rule domain
And I know we’ll meet again
Somewhere in between
There is a crack in the dream
That’s how the light gets in
For a moment there it was with him

The Jesus In My Soul

The Jesus in my soul
Is a story I haven’t told
Coz He is always there
A place of true care
And I fell in love with men
Hoping I would see Him again
In moments silent and true
I saw reflections in the eyes of you
And you stand tall and look like a hero
And I’m on my way to absolute zero
And I dig the earth
Disregard the waves of hurt
In ages pulling hence
The present moment’s never in the past tense
And He is a forest of trees
All you have to do is believe
And trust when you’re letting go
That he will catch you, you know


Photo Credit: Yongsung Kim https://pin.it/2z5FILz

Himalayan Sea Salt

Why do I love the thing I hate
He spits out; I made him wait
And we’re at odds again
And he isn’t even my friend
Anymore
He closed the door
So why do I wait outside in the freezing cold
Some would say I’m being bold
But one thing is the story told
Must pave its own way to the forest
Am I only being honest
Or do I live the lie
What it is like to die
I ponder it in bed at night
Coz the darkness absorbs the light
And I’ve slept better since I got this lamp
The Himalayan sea salt absorbs the damp
That used to make its way into my bones
Now I’m split between alternate homes
And everywhere I go I fray
But I’m really doing okay
It’s just this uncertainty
Set up like it’s her or me
And a just divide is remote
I catalogue the things I quote
In my phone, in a book, on a ripped page
I burn some incense and strike up some sage
Until I’m all but zoning out
High on lies and all my doubt
And tomorrow won’t remember
All the hope I felt engender
On the cusp of a riverbed
What was it that guy said
That every dog must have its day
But mine is over so I say
That I’ll let it be and come what may
I’ll leave the grass you made me stay
Upon for a moment or two
It is an eon this dream of you
But the grasp is getting weak
And now we don’t even speak
And you can’t hold back what won’t cry
I am not afraid to die
Because I saw through the whole scene
And now it’s like I live the dream
With two brand new eyes
Awakening, the best surprise


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