The Monumental

I’m exhausted fighting the tide
Oh what does it mean to be alive
Is it treading water or surfing the waves
Is it falling down or being brave
Coz I cannot seem to find a story
When you look at it really that doesn’t adore me
As I question every facet of a different hue
It’s who I am not what I didn’t do
Living on the brink of a well worn facade
Diving deep beyond feeling bad
And finding the Heaven life has in store
You think this is it then it’s a bit more
And I don’t draw diagrams for fun
I’m all architecture and you’re the one
As we build and we break
But we own each and every breath that we take
And every step that we walk
We must be integrity not mere talk
But the sun on the land
Or the good looking lad in a band
That caught my eye
Oh, I feel I could fly
But doubt my wings
It’s all hyperventilate and wondrous things
As he meets my stare
Holds himself like he’s really there
And I cannot ignore
The unconditional that I implore
Not to leave me
And you wouldn’t believe me
If I told you the truth
The monumental and my youth

Shake And Wake

You’re mysterious 
And the guys just call you Chris
And I have to adjust my vision for the time being
Because I’m not sure exactly what I’m seeing
As you softly ask me my name
And I’d love to do the same
But the ghost of winter left last evening
And I’ve given up on all my believing
And the night isn’t cold but it sure is dark
And I used to live right by the park
As I listened to JV McMorrow
That year I transcended the sorrow
And clicked my tongue to my own beat
I used to just drive down the street
With a bigger sense of life and purpose
Not chasing my tail like a dog in a circus
Anyway it’s been eons
But you cut through the neon
Back to where I love the feel
Of the men with which I deal
And you’ve got something so real
In the silence that I just steal
Before I hang up the phone
It’s good for five minutes to be alone
With a voice like yours down the line
I blush at the question and answer I’m fine
Coz I know this number is a hard one to call
But you smile, I can hear it through the air wall
And I wonder exactly who you are
Do you ever think time is measured by a star
As we orbit around what’s fixed in space
Running the rivers like it is a race
But everything is just typed in notes
And I must admit that I love quotes
And what they bring to the table
If you’re sitting at one are you able
To be outside in the fields of yore
Is everything as before?
Or are you something I’ve never seen
I hear his voice and shake out of the dream

A Bite Into The Blue

Taking a bite into the blue
And it comes up the colour of you
As I dive into the ocean
And it’s all rhythmic motion
In the life I cannot live
Is it time to forgive
The darkness of my past
Who knew that this would last
So very long
Correct me if I’m wrong
But you loved that I love that song
As you curl up by my side
Say that I make you feel alive
And now it’s all gone away
What was it you didn’t say
Coz I’m dying to know
And I won’t leave it be so
Just tell me what you need to admit
I looked at you and I sit
Beside you surreptitiously
Vulnerably confess to me
Like a secret you can’t bear to keep
I’ll visit you in the safety of sleep

In A Beautiful Dress

Something happened to set the scene 
And wake me up from the dream
And it was all I could do not to exclaim
That you need sky for the clouds to rain
As I discovered a newfound glory
Something exists outside the story
And it’s living itself as me
It’s like the storm has been set free
To wage its unholy war
To show you what peace is for
And it’s broken me down to a fragment
I’m still looking for where the person went
As it vacates the premises
I let go of the notion of nemesis
As everything turns to a quiet state
Do we have to learn to hate
When we’ve been set free
I let the chains fall off of me

The Non Spectacular Nature Of Now

The non spectacular nature of Now 
Is something that makes me weak somehow
As I stare at the trees
They remind me to get up off my knees
And stand in the shine that is the sun
Like God is calling and I am the one
Who must walk the path of being still
And many things change, this never will
As the ochre of sunsets burn in your eyes
And there is a love that never dies
I found it on the green of the room
Across from the front hall and I attune
To the sound of Heaven’s bells
As they call out to me amid ne’er do wells
And I’m walking down paces on the avenues
I’m all red as they play the blues
In summertime or winter cold
I’m frozen at the age of not getting old

The Great Calm

Enough of your reign over this land
I was honest and faithful, you were underhand
And you always find ways to point out my flaws
Say what’s underneath when the ice thaws
And you gave me pause
A moment to think about a hidden clause
In all you perambulate
Find a way to get out of that state
And into another
You were never close to being a brother
To me
And I see
All the design done deleteriously
Is falling into my palm
You were the storm before the Great Calm

It’s Devastating

The source of her love is effulgent flame
And it kills me that others don’t feel the same
As they hear her plaintive cry
And leave her in the rubble to die
But I grab her hand, pull her out of there
Wash the wounds, show her some care
Tell her about the mystery
That lies within both you and me
And she starts to revive
Feeling the tremble of being alive
As she takes each breath
Scared she can’t put her feet to the floor yet
In case it shakes
She looks at me through all her mistakes
And trusts and lets go and comes to be
All that she Is eternally

Steal Away Home

I think I would steal away home
To find the letters you wrote on stone
In tablet form with a stylus
The reams of literature can’t confine us
Coz we are a storm by the light of day
But in the night we are okay
As you put one finger on my pulse
And wait for the racing heart to lull
Into the birth of silent trust
The reams of gold that will not rust
Only gaze in steady charm
The love of God is safe from harm

The Emotional Field

Grief comes crashing on my soul
That I may never grow old
But be entrapped at this age
Like a candle wick burning sage
And all that might never come to pass
Is crystallized in the Everlast
That I just stumbled upon one morning
Found a time to cease the mourning
That seems to pour out from within
At least until I met him
And all the clouds were cleared from the sky
And I was not afraid to die
But humbled in the truest sense
To fall from Grace in the present tense
As I scratched at every amber
Held love close like a cliffhanger
Only to discover that the air
Is in each breath you take of prayer

Fleeting

That fast feeling of fading when you’re twenty two
And everything is growing up around you
The flowers to rise, then wither and die
The sheets of sleet that just make you cry
As you’re facing outward into the rain
Must we go through this all over again
As the avenues merge into one route
And you take a shot at the kissing booth
But it’s all just so fleeting in transition
Like you’ve woken up out of a worn condition
And into the sky that always serene
To anchor in what you’ve always been

Back In Business

Business and trust
It’s oil and water but I must
Find some way to emulsify
As I dream a vision of an inner sky
And it’s expansive and wide
Open and free
And it feels like they’re all
Relying on me
To stand up
Strong in my boots
Let them know
That this tree has roots
And has been
Organically grown
So they can trust the ground
In which the seeds were sown
And know that they’re
Eternity
Unlimited
And free
And capable
Of making the change
That is being called for
To rearrange
And be revealed
In consciousness
No one should have to
Be in distress
No one should have to
Die of hunger
When there’s any one
Of a number
Of ways we can learn
To serve each other
This is for every
Sister and brother
Who need someone
To stop and say
We’ve got this covered
Okay?

Pictures Of You

I just remember his eyes
I don’t know whether they’re green or blue
Except for that picture of you
That I saw on a screen miles away
Now you’re where I was that day
Somewhere in a big, big city
But lonely and that’s a pity
Coz we could be something, don’t you agree
But you only talk to a picture of me
And I ain’t making war
Coz, God knows, what for
And I don’t hate what you had to do
That you have someone walking with you
And it’ll never be what we were
But maybe it’s better and you stir
To match the moment of her
And she looks like she catches your glance
I bet she never asks you to dance
Coz you move like you’re in a trance
And I would take another chance
Out on the wind
Is it to have sinned
To want what isn’t yours to crave
A desire I try hard to save
From getting to the heart of me
And we’re apart but you see
I’ve got you buttoned on my shirt
It was never meant to hurt
But I can hear it in your voice
Do we have another choice?

Metaphysical

This Feeling Within

I’ve always lived with this panic I can barely contain
You can say what you want or give it a name
Call it anxiety or ocd
All I know is something’s following me
And it’s there in the midnight, it’s there in the dawn
Sometimes it stays quiet so I think that it’s gone
But it always returns
And, my Lord, it burns
Like a furnace or a glowing ember
More so in a dark December
You can called it depression or psychosis
Just a modern type of neurosis
And they hit me up with pills and drugs
But it don’t match one of your hugs
For bringing the stillness and quiet in me
One moment with you and I’m set free
And I know I can’t always be craving
Like a street that walks with the absence of paving
Or when the song of a bird signals the sky
I’m lost in this moment and I don’t know why
Til one day amongst the trees
I saw something I could barely believe
It was akin to heavenly light
And it says you will be alright
So I start skipping with the joy
Then see it reflected in a boy
As he is just passing by
For a moment, love, and I don’t know why
Coz Hayley throws all her castles down
And some people dream of a beautiful gown
But all I want’s this moment now
After all my trekking I find myself somehow
Back in the same place that I started
With more of depth the wise imparted
And grieving over loss has left
The coast that used to know me best
To set sail for another land
Where everything is understand
And unmapped and unplanned
The safety of the surest sand
As it gathers between my toes
I walked this beach for years, God knows
And externalized reality
It is the taste of the salty sea
That reminds me where you are
I would have wished upon a star
If I’d have known that you exist
In my honesty, I persist
To see it all come right round
And silence is the truest sound
As it enunciates the field
The grass grows slow to know to yield
As the fabric bends in certain places
And is 99% open spaces
Where you can go running free
It’s all awake atomically
It’s all vibrating in motion
A symbol for pure devotion
To the God that gave me life
Not just a man and his wife
But something surging in the air
I can feel its presence there
Only to exacerbate
The thing I feel that I hate
The storm that holds me by the toe
Then dips me in the rivers flow
Til I’m shouting let me go
But it knows better than I know
And asks more of me than I can refrain
From doing over once again
In certainty and acquiescence
Shining forth from the essence
Of its incandescent light
It whispers; love, you’ll be alright

Love’s Everywhere

I need to write in Morse code
Coz to tell our story would be an ode
And we’ve got leaves of times gone by
And you always promised me sky high
As I take your hand and we lift and soar
Into a future I can’t see anymore
Coz you’re ancient, you’re beautiful, you are all the trees
And an Angel of Mercy picked me up off my knees
So I could stand as the wind goes round
It spirals but I’m solid ground
And I dunno about ages, I dunno about time
But somewhere you will always be mine
In a storybook or on a page
I seem to write like a sage
In professions of what’s true
The slipping sands of me and you
Coz we are born to fade away
A moment of sun before the day
Closes into night like a cyclical thing
And every bird knows how to sing
The silence like it’s true and real
I thought you should know how I feel
So I put it in a letter, left it at your door
But I won’t bother you anymore
And you know where I am if you feel to reply
I’m always in the same space to fly
On the beauty that I own
Love’s everywhere, I’m not alone

Present Moment Movements

I’ve no interest in travel
But I’d move Heaven and Earth for you
I’d span the oceans near and wide
Just so we could be close to
The great divide that keeps us apart
The diamond in your soul
And you may have grown, but I woulda known
If your waves suddenly started to roll
If the tide had started to beat
A steady rap on my door
I gaze into distances far and away
Always hoping for a little bit more
And you were young and beautiful
Now you’re craggy and grey
You used to love me
Now you drag me each day
As I try to build fortresses
To what was
There’s an army storming gates
At the lakes of because
And who are you when you look in the mirror
Do you dine with a shirt and tie
And could you state or equivocate
What’s become just a really big lie
And dawn comes each morning
To shelter the night
In the ages we part just to ignite
The paper I’ve been setting up
How could you look at me and not call it love

The Impulse to Awaken

The impulse to awaken
And I am stirred, not shaken
As I testify to the divine
It was a moment that was mine
When it struck me from above
It was a new kind of love
Redemption in a hue 
And it loves all of you 
As if you were its very own 
The colours in depth are shown 
To only hold the way you've grown
Like a tree to the sun
It is the many as the One
It is the forest on the breeze
There's nothing that you have to need
But trust alone as it unfolds
To be brave and be bold 
And be ancient as the times
It is beautiful as it shines
In light to refract
And you can't go back 
But step anew into the dawn 
The darkness of the night is gone
 

Stairwell

All my life I've been standing on the stairs
No putting on graces, I'm not putting on airs
I'm not trying to be better than I've become
I'm just opening up and letting the One
Move through me like a river to sea
I don't know where I'm going or what I'll be
All I know is I feel the pull
And the longing start to dull
As it unfolds unto a new expanse
I watch the whole world start to dance
To the music of a perfect refrain
It's being lifted out of the pain
It is being called at the edge of the circle
On the rock we call Earth as it begins to hurtle
Through the density of time-space
And you can see through the dreams that you chase
As you find yourself back in the same old place
Believe and relive the burden you face 

Love

I love so much
I feel I will burst
This feeling courses
Through the very worst

Through all of the liking
And ticking the box
I find I am open
Without any locks

And it just moves its own way
In a flow, in a beat
And I find I am standing 
On my own two feet

As I build on foundations
Solid as a rock
Am I okay? 
Well, is the sun hot

Just like my heart
In rhythms it's own 
I may not be adult
But I am grown

Interdependency

I'm building a home
Out of all that I've seen
And there are ways
To wake from the dream 

To give up the long fight
With yourself and the sky
We move and we walk
But we never know why

And life, it is changing
But it's always the same
You were born on this Earth
Without a name

To grow and to learn
To thrive and to be
Always yourself
Quintessentially free

The Christ

https://open.spotify.com/track/5i2JGF65pHKSfMEjSMrBC3?si=5zbZax1WRja5ZgId1BxKEw

My Lord and Saviour
The light Supreme
The cracking sound
That wakes the dream
And I have laboured
In darkness too
In shadows and
Miles away from you
But you always come
And take my hand
Tell me softly
You understand
That life is trials
Adversity
But when you look
There will I be
And I went to the city
Hungry with life
Ambitions were
Just out of sight
And I reached my hand
But I never could
Catch hold of something
I call good
Til I’m back on my knees
Pleading to the sky
I saw beautiful
Shine from his eye
I saw commonplace
I saw unique
Felt silence that
No sound could speak
And my devotion is the answer
The steady beating tide
The heart inside my soul
That keeps the love alive
And I didn’t find Jesus in the pews
Or in all of my good deeds
I found him in the rain
And it’s all I’ll ever need

Purchase Order

That was never what I wanted anyway
A purchase order to make you stay
A sacrifice to buy me time
On your arm or in your mind
And now comes the chorus of regular love
That pales in comparison to all of the above
That doesn’t make me sign away
A life inside the music box you play
But it is pale blue and pastel
Where you took it all and me as well
Into a chasm or ocean deep
Full of the secrets that we keep
Even now, so many miles from here
There’s a boundary line and we keep clear
From the rushing silver of an oncoming train
And the pounding pictures in our brain
That regurgitate long worn down facts
About loving someone who doesn’t love you back
That fit us both just at different times
And when I wanted you you weren’t mine
But bulletproof and cascading
The storm you’ve spent your life evading
As I see the corner of your eye
That doesn’t want to speak but dares me to try
Against your insolent up in arms
We both took walks in the surrounding farms
Down the alleyways of country lanes
Feeling out of place with peculiar pains
That tell me, tell me something’s missing
That its your face I should be kissing
The man I love, the only one
I was there when the world begun
With your hand slotted right into the ridge
Of my knuckle bones, that’s the way it is
From now until forever ends
Our destiny clashes where the line bends
And with collision force of love crossed stars
To lose it all when I lose my heart
Because now I’m sworn to another
Well I was all along and you’re still my brother
As we simile at the infraction
You gain ground to keep traction
As landslide goes your house and home
I know that you are all alone
Though the fire’s warm and crackles the hearth
No one answers when you call the dark
But hang up when you lift the phone
I know the feeling though it isn’t shown
So smile in that photograph you take
I’ll be here when you wake

Waterfall Drop

I don’t want to be a refugee
Of the war that has changed me
And the silence in between the sounds
I am the mortar the pestle grounds
And I have faded away

Once upon a time I held the world
But that was back when I was a girl
And ran so free through the fields
Now I feel the way my body yields
To the passing of time and circumstance
I never asked to be part of this dance
But here am I

Now they say not too far away
Is a place where my head can lay
But they spend their days to kill and maim
Before they shift their weight and then the blame
And I wonder am I human at all
If this is how they follow the call
It is chasming inside me

And all I ask is you remember me
As the way I used to be
Not the shadow that haunts the grounds
Of a past life where freedom abounds
It is all taken by time

And all my fever is just fighting the tide
But hot blood doesn’t mean you’re alive
As I have learned to my chagrin
But I have something, I want to let you in
You can count me with the dead

And all your motives just fall away
When you realise it cannot stay
Persuasion does not alter the ground
Because I have heard a sweeter sound
And move toward the light

So goodbye to all at the hearth
To tell the truth I prefer the dark
Than your tales of truth and lies
I am no longer bound by those ties
Something has cut the chain

And never, never will I return
I just want to see the whole world burn
In the fire that consumes it all
I forsake it and I let it fall
Therein lies my peace

Inspired by “After All” by Dar Williams

The Glorious

I want to be inspiring
Or beautiful
Or both
I don’t want to write the night
Anymore

Though I have written it well
As well as can be written
When darkness is your subject matter
As it turns to a golden sheen
In the morning light

But there is another way
Another turn of phrase
That lifts you up
To higher consciousness it seems
And rewards are your delight

And the marks that have been made
Filter away,
Pourously, as though they were never there
To the pure calm space within
That always holds its peace

I don’t want to write the world in vain
I want to write the glorious
Of undying rain
As it pours heavy from the sky
On me

Practical Payment

I suck the soul out of anyone who gets too close
They come near and back off like they’ve seen a ghost
Cause I have an emptiness that terrifies
And I can see the vacuum reflect in their eyes
I try to be cautious, keep a distance in between
But now and then I slip up and they see what I mean
Cause I sleep on sidewalks and profess love to the stars
And I don’t respect the steel of prison bars
Or the dust and ash you build into hovels
I will not be as one who grovels
But for all its apparant obviousness, it seems to come as a surprise
When it hits you that everybody dies
And in that oasis held in my still
I have been touched by something that never will
And can’t go back to what was before
And believe what I don’t anymore
As I drive away both friends and foes
The attraction expands and the chasm grows
And I can’t stop the obliteration that filters through the night
I just don’t want to lose you alright
But innocence cannot protect itself
I don’t think I am like anybody else
Where love is just a word you bargain into a deal
If you step into my sphere I will surreptitiously  steal
All the fragments until you’re nothing but bone
And when its done I will leave you alone
And hope my hands paid out what they owe
But whatever you promise I know you will go
So for your own sake please caution your step
Cause I am a darkness that’s not finished yet
And mouth to mouth resuscitation will only leave you gasping for air
Until you realise what just isn’t there
I will fall to the ground and beg for your absolution
But you’re hard of heart to my execution
And punish the payment I gave with my soul
To scratch the surface where I left a hole
As you revolve in bitterness for
What I couldn’t bend to anymore

Not All It Seems

Silence hangs in the air like a stifling curse
As I pray to the gods that it not get any worse
Cause this world it is full of chancers and cheats
But you are the reason that my heart beats
And all of the machinations of a powerful system
Convinces us we’re just the world in which we’re existing
And people will pay to have you give up on them
And then say that you’ve counselled them to live again
All the while they balance on a precipice spire
And beg that it not extend any higher
While their shadows they fall like feet on the earth
And know if they go down then it’s sure gonna hurt
So you make do with the concoctions
You use as insurance in the allotments
That you have obtained to grow your own farm
You forget about freedom, it’ll just do you harm
And I watch as they all spin round like clockwork
To the beat of a rhythms that is stop jerk
And automatic pilot their whole lives
With a few intercepts from one who survives
Or the beauty of love as it strikes them home
And just for a minute their minds are blown
And stutter and stop for infinitesimal seconds
Before they’re again drawn back into a world that reckons
That what can’t be controlled is a danger to life
It’s no wonder they take time to look at me twice
As the spellbound is broken beneath my gaze
And I’m not like a mouse who is stuck in a maze
And the mystery pulls me back into the unknown
I wonder when they will see that the match was thrown
Not lost by degrees but by design
By the shape of a hand much higher than mine
So you look at me and find a label to use
But all definition just means that you lose
Your natural discernment to right the wrong
To have nothing at all is where I belong

The Reminder

You look at me with that hypnotic stare
Is there a real person under there
And you poison the paradise that ventures my soul
Was it just a dream that I could be whole
When we are both halves of the same coin
Let man not part what God thought to join
And in the rivers of death and of misery
I want all the pain brought back to me
Because each slice is a reminder of us
And the bridge that we built in stone walls of trust
So turn to your new life if that’s what you deign
But just to let you know, my love will remain

Electra Heart

010959dddb71e5d9dfccc76c90f498b9

Living with my Electra heart
Can’t deny it’s tearing me apart
Til all that’s left is slivers shown
Surviving on what I have thrown

I am locked inside a cage
Makes the heart inside me rage
And thud and thud with all her might
We are getting out tonight

I have to leave me down to live
What it asks I have to give
It sacrifices all I have
But in the end I am glad

It lies me out to be impaled
I’m a train it has derailed
Left me spinning on my axis
But bears my burdens, pays my taxes

I do not know where this ends
But I am down for what it sends
Because I’m still a child inside
And vowed I’d live my life alive

Photo Credit: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/312929874089150950/

At His Feet

I don’t want help, I just want to express
The feelings inside, my perennial distress
And I don’t want sad looks from any of you
Not doing this for pity, that’s not what I would do
It’s just that I’m proud of the strongest of me
That came from the darkness of what I came to be
And the night closed in on me with a march from the source
It was rough and unkind, the epitome of course
And I found silvered light or maybe you could say gold
And a kind of immortal that will never grow old
And it lit up my life and shone so very bright
That I knew in that moment that I would be alright
And I just want to share the vestiges of pain
And that there is sunlight under the rain
And that there is earth under pavements complete
That there is a God and I fall at his feet

Born and Raised

imageWhen words are just not enough to explain the hurt you feel
And you try to cope, as the saying goes, but you just cannot deal
When spider legs entwine and trap you in their cages
You spew it out on paper, on magnificent pages
Cause expression is the key to understand your mind
And when you have stopped the noise you can leave it all behind
Cause forever’s in a moment that never will defer
There will finally come a time
when you realise what it all was for
And the revolution will be complete as all the lies dawn Truth
It would be an understatement to say I had a tumultuous youth
But all the beauty and the conflagration is a white fire blaze
I guess that you could say I took all these years to raise

Photo Credit: The Work of Byron Katie – Facebook

Wonderment

61cfb50fac2c90725043dd5378250617Wonderment is the surprise
To be the deep inside your eyes
To be the bend at the edge of the river
To be the strength of a light giver
And somehow I just cannot escape
Superman with his red cape
As he goes flying into town
I listen for the empty sound
Of birds in trees at the end of days
I love you in so many ways
And it all comes to a close in the eclipse
You are the one I don’t have to miss

Photo Credit: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/206673070378676865/