Tag: consciousness

The Snowdrops

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The snowdrops show their skin in January
When everything else is cold with the snow 
And like the darkest night 
It's only then it lets you go 
Coz I found 
The slightest sound
Was enough to wake the house 
So I learn to do without 
In the evenings I 
Just contemplate the way I die
To each and every moment fresh
And every second is the best 
In Immortal Being 
There's nothing new for the seeing 
Just what you have always been 
You are untethered from the dream 
That heretofore held you back 
But there's nothing that you lack 
And the dog days may be over 
But that doesn't stop me wishing on a four leafed clover 
To win the day 
It's not held within what people say 
But it is effervescently free 
But it's everywhere, don't look at me 
As though I'm something rarefied 
It's just something in me that's died
A thread that's broken, identified 
And it's more an omission than I lied

The Guy On The Screen

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Waiting for the guy on the screen 
Is it just a long dream 
Since I was born 
I've been in love with the storm
That just rages
I use pages 
To rifle through another scene 
And I say that it's just something I've been 
And I wonder if Stephen 
Would smile if the ends weren't even
And I just want to show 
Him the places that I go
When my serenity expands
There are vast oceans of open lands 
That are there for the the perusing 
I have no idea what it is that I'm losing 
When I let you go 
It's the complete unknown and it show 
Me something that I've never seen
But it's nerve wrecking to be the queen 
Of the midnights that just sashay 
Is it okay
If I like you like that 
The boy said he wanted his hat
Back but it was mine
And I tell it to him a thousand time
You can only ever be
The space that you set free

The Door Opened

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The door opened and the sun shone through
Now I'm blinded by all of you
In my psychois
I am precocious 
As I make awakening look simple
Then suddenly hard
It's like It flicks a switch
And deals the final card
To make good on a promise true
And I trust in it too
Because it broke the fragile seam
And I realised that the dream 
Can't cage the forest of my heart
So I make my pain make art, make art
And it's all a wonder in the deepest blue
An ocean that I saw in you
And it surged into 
A tidal wave surge
And I craved to find the bird 
That alighted on the tallest tree
And the flood just freed me 
From shackles I didn't even know were there
And somehow It knows that care 
Is only meant for a temporary incarnation
But your soul and its appellation
Is more universal than creation
Could ever contain
I came down as the softest rain

The Closed Farm

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The closed farm opened its eyes
And it realised
Everybody dies
Some day, eventually
What of me exists perpetually
Coz I know there's something there
That goes beyond the wind that tear
The seams from the jam of the door
I woke up on the floor
With a teacher staring down at me 
And I still remember the way that she
Was frightened that I 
Might be broken the way I lie
But I'm singing
The bells are ringing 
In a new dawn
And the old world is all gone
For the moment at least
Though, God knows, you can't cage the beast
Only watch it scream 
And realise it's just a dream 
In the winter of my life, when I was young
It was over before it had begun 
But it was not a final stop
It was love that meant a lot
And something in me just knew
That there is a deeper shade of blue
Than the sky you know
I hold on and it lets me go

Rooting Fir

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The tree beds down deep in my soul
And I’m as icy as the North Pole
On a summer evening
It’s global warming but are you believing 
The stories they weave
And it’s cotton wool I have up my sleeve
No knife to stab you in the back
No hatred to make an attack
On what is perfect pure
You loved me but you weren’t sure
That you could trust the branch to bough
But I’ll come close if you allow
Me near your cistern heart
The one that fills before it starts
To empty out
And the earth quakes with your doubt 
As you mean it all to me
Could you be my long lost sea

Paper Trains

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Using money as a measurement for success 
All I get is lost in distress
And unconsciousness
As I cling to the wall
Then the whole thing fall
And I look at the rubble at my feet
Why did God let us meet
If he didn’t intend us to be together 
I scream in the morning air and the weather
Utters no reply
As dawn breaks over the seat where I lie
And that was back in ten
Number one on my list of men
That I adore
It’s like I found him on the shore
I used to seek solace on
But after I met you the whole thing was gone
It burned up like a candle flame
And all I have to hold is your name 
And I remember your hand so soft and cool
That summer we met after school
In the park
And the field is green but the dark
Is just around the corner and I
Know what it is to be left out to dry
Like washing on the line
But don’t worry about it, it’s fine
He looks deeply into my eyes
And I’m momentarily without disguise
Or words to play
“I didn’t know you loved me that way”
I stutter a response
He’s not fooled
The evening changed
And the heat it cooled
Down into a summer balm
And all I feel is this unearthly calm
Creeping over the edges of my perception
The perfect kind of misdirection
To make the minute hour long
“I didn’t know you were that strong”
And the wellspring bubbles to the surface
“My God, aren’t you perfect”
In the moment we hold each other
I could never love another
The way I love you
I close my eyes and it’s just us two

The Bungalow By The Woods

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I run but there’s no race that I win 
I walk away but I think of him
Every single day
Was there really no other way
To handle things
And my heart sings
When the memory rises
And my surprises 
To find him there
And find he care
Surpasses all my man made doubt
And a life learned to live without
Like holding back the air
I need to breathe and I care
About what happens to you
I would love to reach out to 
You across the great divide 
But I fear the rebuff and I hide 
My secrets away so safe
And I used to be a little waif
In hunger with what she couldn’t live
I hope that you forgive
Me for my transgression
Why does this feel like a confession
When I’m at a loss as to what to say
So I make something up by the way
And feel all the penance that’s due
I just want to be worthy of you 
But you won’t see me no more
I knocked and the door 
Opened and closed in my face
Did you know this used to be my place

Colour Splash

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Taylor’s bringing it home
She opened the door when I was all alone
And let in a little light
I fight it out but I’m alright
As I say to the seasons 
That this love is without reason
As I shudder to a halt
She lets six more out of the vault 
And they run riot in the scene
She’s painting colour in the dream
As the grey gets a splatter of paint
I see the One and I faint
And on the floor in Room One
I know what it is to walk the Son
In feet that are his and mine
He carries me across the beach that fine
Summer’s day in the winter of my life
I smile because I am alright

Not That Bad

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Do we just settle for not that bad
When she’s the best you’ve ever had
And I’m walking down lines and roads
Kissing princes, they turn into toads 
And I’m way past what I used to be
I wish I could’ve looked forward to see
Where that path might lead
And all the aggrandizement that made me bleed
When it was one need
And the law says take heed, take heed 
Of all that you don’t know where
And maybe people do care
It’s just that you could‘nt see
I reach out and say; it’s me
As the soft of his voice reminds me of your arms 
And we grew up on separate farms 
In rural Irish ways
And I don’t care what anyone says 
You’re still the one for me
I loved you so I let you go free
Now I just want to capture
Evince a state of rapture
That might never be known
And I want to love, don’t want to own
If that’s okay with you
I’m gonna wait coz I want to

Changing Me

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I’m a bit different
But I’m still the same
Growing up
Without a name
And I know I was immature 
And harsh as hell
And pushed away
Anyone who wanted to tell
Me how to live my life
2.5 kids and a wife
And now he’s got all that
And all I have is to want him back
And it’s a flailing in the water drunk
It’s a commerce cost that’s sunk
Like the coconut on the veranda
And I wrote a poem about Amanda
Because she reminds me of you
I left but it wasn’t coz I wanted to

Magnificently Kissing On The Street

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Magnificently kissing on the street
It’s not the first time that we meet
As our stars cross paths
And we do nothing by half’s 
And I’m staring at the guy on the screen
He reminds me of a dream 
That I once had
And I don’t feel bad
Scamming on his beard
Is it a bit weird
I see you in him
And I cannot win
Coz you’re with another girl
The diamond in the rough, a pearl
In the oyster that you shell
And I’m not well
I commit myself to a cell
A hospital, a ne’er do well
And they put me on a pill
It takes all the strength of my will
Not to cave
Under the pressure it takes to save
Me from my own dear self
And they are no help 
Throwing eyes at me
I disguise what’s free
In me behind a locked door
And I don’t know who I am anymore
As Dennis howls into the wind
And an old lady tells me how they’ve sinned
Before they put a needle in her
I cry to think what we were
And everything is green outside
I don’t wanna have to hide
Who I am from them
But, God knows, I can’t do it again

Rhythm Section

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Cause of death, dying
What do you expect, trying 
And I try to reason
With him but it’s just a season 
In the garden he grows
It’s all flowers and God knows
I try not to be the sky
Reflecting blues in his eyes
As they stare up at the sun
But I think he might be the One
As he moves in a sashay
And he can have me any way
He likes to entertain
And his love is not in vain
As he holds a paper heart
Out and it makes my own start
Beating a rhythm I cannot contain
Would the sky take back the rain
It had cried in tears
If it meant it could erase the years
That have gone in between
The midnight of someone else’s dream
In a come what may
What is it that the people say
That there is a wilderness beyond the hedge
And you are more than the pond you dredge
To bring up gold
And that story’s never told
If you’re looking for a quick line
In the bathroom for the thousandth time

Amanda’s Dream

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Driving through town and I think of Amanda
She was into the emo scene
And her hair was long
Like a fucking queen 
And I try to emulate what I saw back then 
Seventeen 2.0 again 
And I wonder where he is
If he has a wife and kids
I used to check his deets 
Before I admitted utter defeat
And the family life always seemed empty
Like why would you when you’re good looking and twenty
But when you’re thirty three and laying waste
Everyone seems to say; make haste, make haste
And I’m like a rock in the river, it just flows by
And it might be a long time before I die
And forty looks scary as hell
Do you grow up or lose life as well
Coz age hasn’t changed the core of peace
And forgiveness might be the only release
For what she did to me
If you wake up are you free
Or do you deal with encumbrance still
Going through a dark night of the will

The Violence At The Core

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The walls that they built up solidified 
And it was as though someone had died
As we stare at a Being crucified
And wonder how the powers that be lied
And knocked a tree so they could raise him up 
And give us a type of archetypical love
That goes without season
An unconditional in the reason
And I’ve been a student of the Catholic faith
Longer than I’ve known hate
To exist, well seemingly so
But I don’t think anyone can know
Unless they’ve dipped their toe
In the Divine
It was a moment and I called it mine
Like some kind of trophy on the wall
When it’s not like that at all
The awakening, the grand pull away
Of the cobwebs in what people say
Like a veil, thick and dense
Split between the past and the future tense
But the Present’s like a knife
How I longed to be wife
To a mysterious man 
Like only the dreamer in me can
And without throwing him to the wolves
Can I acknowledge that which pulls
And drags you to the core
Be still and drink in a little bit more

Symbolism

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We were all shored up
It was cut and dry
And each one of us
Would’ve been willing to die
For the cause that we believe in
The colour into life
Not trudge to the grave
As a man and wife
But they caught us in the field
As the sky turned back blue
“Who dare refracts the sunlight
We think that it is you”
And he grabbed me by my collar
Through me into a van
Said a hundred metre sprint
Would be an also ran
And the courage dropped down low
In the back of my throat
As I thought about our history
And the genius that I quote
Are we just railroaded
Into another station
Will they call us out 
On all our conflagration 
And a blow to my face
And another to my stomach
The dread it lives in me
Like a rollercoaster plummet
And the drop may be expected
But it is never willed
It’s just there’s this void inside
That is longing to be filled
And if you have to crawl 
Make sure that you don’t stop
I picked myself back up
After a round in the parking lot
And is the light extinguished
Or does it live on
Long after my beauty
And my strength are long gone
As I fail to lift a hand
Til something pulls me to my feet
And it’s been twenty years
It’s like the first time that we meet
In the battalion of the fearless
That drown the silence out
Stand up and be counted
You don’t have to live without
In this suffer and this burial
You seemed condemned to bear
But I know Truth by name
Because I saw the lie tear
And the fabric rip a thread
Now it’s pulling a seam
It seems a hole has pierced
Through the density of dreams
That send us aflourish 
Into the garden green
It’s coming around again
All that we have been

Stillness Is A Dragon

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Stillness is a dragon
It eats me up
And there are some people on Earth
Who would call that love
Like the last marauders 
Who round the bend
Who search to find
The true friend
That shines in all lights 
That is every dawn
The something that’s there
When all is gone
It’s arising in me 
And it’s rising in you
The bun’s in the oven
Now let the broth stew
Til it comes steaming
Into your hands
And you know the meaning
Of life on these lands

The Sound Of One Heart Breaking

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Questioning these sacred concepts
The weight of the world that makes war
And I mourn you but I don’t know what for
Is it just the pain serves to remind
There’s a place you have not left behind
And I break down on the floor
Coz the sound of the door
Shutting cracks my skin
And I try not to let it in
But the light is coming from the inside out
And it replaces all my doubt
With the ferver of another land 
Would you understand
If I told you I just had to let it be
It’s like all of my soul’s been taken from me
When you breathed your last
Or when I discovered a thing of the past
No more what it is
And I call myself His
But it’s a running game
And it’s all the same
No way to stem the flow
Of what you cannot let go
I wipe the tears from my face
Just in case
Anyone sees me in that place
But you’re in my heart
And the mark
That was made
Is the same scar that scabbed over what’s saved
Did it come to me too early to appreciate 
Fourteen years old in another state
Where time and space don’t exist
But in the present I just subsist
On the bread of another longing 
And the people are thronging
Round the gates of hell
Begging to be let in, as well
And I cannot follow
The tree into the hollow 
Of what you came to show
I love you forever, I hope you know

The Cult Of Country

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Is your country just a concept
Something you play with
Have you grown up 
Or are you still being a d***
Coz I cannot stand in silence
As the pillars burn 
Wait for someone else
To steady the axis turn
And storms are breaking out
Like they said they would
I read between the lines
Of a Book that is Good
But you seek to condemn 
What is merely knowing 
I look out the window
It’s April and it’s snowing
As the ice melts
And the Gulf Stream redirects 
I listen to Greta
And I wonder what’s next
In this reverberate 
That is slowly brewing
The people in charge
Don’t know what they’re doing
Or maybe they do 
(In that case it’s worse)
You order a Starbucks 
But I sense a hearse 
Somewhere on the horizon 
For the human race 
There’s no telling the atrocities 
That maybe we will face 
If something doesn’t change 
On the political scene 
I woke up from my nightmare
And it was just a dream

All The Burning Embers

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All of the burning embers
No one really remembers
Who you used to be
It’s like the fountain that you see
In the ocean that grows within
They’re obsessed with the notion of sin
And I’ve outgrown the domain 
That only seems to inflict pain 
On the monster that abides
The one your revolution hides
Beneath the snow of an avalanche 
Were you released in the first tranche
Of saviours to keep the day
Working in its own way
And the sudden scar
Is a wildebeest to your open heart
The one you wear on your sleeve 
Do you expect me to just believe 
In the brand you sell
I’m in the jungle but I wish you well

The Trauma

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Does the pain go by the name of trauma
And are we just flora and fauna
In the Garden Of Eden
What do you believe in
Coz I know you’re atheist 
But it doesn’t erase the trust
I have in the Divine
And if I say I’m doing fine
It would be a lie
Coz people die
And I try to stem the flow
Of holding on to let go
It gets ripped from you
Out of the hands it once poured into
And you hit me like a smash and grab 
And I know you’re not just a lad
Who’s down with the girls
I uttered; “you are my world”
And you balked
I almost wish we never talked
Coz it landed me in hell
In an all-but-name kind of cell 
Where they were super nice to me
But tried to change me by degree
By offering medication 
So I might change the station
But I am the screen
The pictures that move are the dream
But I can convince no one
So I just let the drum
Beat me til I’m nothing new
But I can’t claim it was for you
Coz I let go the true
In a sunset kind of hue
That wakes to pay it’s due 
I faked the sleeping thunder blue

The Loss Of You

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Writing a poem for you
Because God wanted me to
And it happened when I was eleven
Memories of you when I was seven
And I woke in the night with a rhyme in my head
I sat in the bathroom and instead
Of writing it down
I let the ocean drown
Me with waves of grief
And every day it’s beyond belief
Because there’s no going back
And you only know it when you lack
A grandfather you love
And their promises of above
Don’t stem the catapulting might
Of waking in the night
With a poem at your pen 
If I could go back again 
I would pay tribute to you
With love instead of falling into
A mire that knows no end
Did I really lose a friend
And I stay around Kilglass
Coz the memory last
And your house is just across the road
The years sped up but time slowed 
Down enough to let me look back
And I found someone who goes by the name of Jack
And he stills the storm in my bones
Holds my hand through the all alones
That stifle my voice
I don’t scream by choice
Just the horror of losing you
Like I’ve become the void I stare into 
As if I could find you in my grief
That the pain is a measure of the leaf
I take out of your book
Does the past take a second look
Into the vast of the sky
The Kingdom of Heaven that will never die

A Dream In Consciousness

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Is life just a dream in consciousness 
That we are all having together
Some focal points
That personalize the weather 
And we trudge and we scorn
But we don’t realise why we were born
As we find our way up the hill
But there’s clarity when things get still
And I lived a summer when someone die
I was so sad I couldn’t cry
Like a sky
Being too cold to snow
I loved him so I let him go
But I found something else
In the depths of myself
That made everything clear
And I held him dear
But I couldn’t keep him
I woke from my sleep and
I thought it was all made up
For a moment but it was not enough
To quiet my shaking hand
As realisation made me understand
That the man under the sea
Behind the boat that he
Tried to rescue was simply  
A way of dealing with what I couldn’t control
It was so vast the waves didn’t roll
But made an empty silent sound
I’m lost for someone I want around
And she backed away from me
I let her go coz I want to be free
And she don’t understand 
I ignore her fatigue and her underhand
That strikes out
She is full of doubt
But that don’t make more solid stone
And we are both alone
Coz we can’t trust
The moment when the balloon went bust 
And splattered the paint
My mind couldn’t handle it so I faint
On the floor in front of Room One
No one knows the Sun
That shone
For a moment it was gone 
Then it reappear
And a friend I hold so dear
Told me I should get it checked out
But I just want to shout
It from the rooftop
That there is no bad cop
To fear
The Lord is ever near
And catches everyone like a net
It happened to me, now I can’t forget
All that has come to pass
The time goes by but this last
Through the seasons of change 
And the acting strange 
And the loss is not what I thought I knew 
I am always with you

New Dawn

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I spilt all of the blood on the floor
For the sake of what I couldn’t adore
And he blames me for his strife
All because I wouldn’t be his wife
And he’s got dues and he’s got paid 
But I wonder does he ever raid
The inside of a closet dark
It’s not Narnia walking through this park 
As I stand tall against the wind
And the people say I’ve sinned
Because I wouldn’t bow to the extreme 
Don’t they know that life’s a dream
I try to hold it in
But the word begin
To speak its own message true
It doesn’t stop because of you
And I sat shivering on the chair
Til I realized the cold don’t get in there
Unless I let it in
And I’m just dancing with Him
In this grand swathe we call the earth
Love isn’t born to hurt
No matter what they teach you in school 
About the heat and being cool
Coz the sun just shot me through the heart 
With a cherub’s aim and holy dart
And I fell to the floor
With the shock of something more
That just found me in the room
It characterizes the sense of doom
With a laugh and a smile
You don’t have to walk the green mile

Dropping The Bass

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One moment of togetherness in the pit of my stomach
It’s like that drop when the rollercoaster plummet
And you know that there’s no going back
You’re my personal heart attack
In a dark room or on a screen
And it was later I saw you as the dream
Always at arms length away
Coz it’s not safe if you stay
That close to me
You’re threatening my captivity
And I wanna be free
So I got lost in a degree
Where I make two and two equal four
But you’re on the other side of the door 
Singing please let me in
So I let myself love him
Soft and slow
Like I am letting you go
But then I took a storm
Said this thing isn’t even warm
Though the lightning cracks
And you let loose some things you can’t take back
And I swore we’d never speak again
And I lost my tenuous faith in men 
But it keeps coming back to find me
I’m just being eccentric so don’t mind me
When this reel is done
I’ll shine like the fuckin sun

The Slow Wither

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The slow wither
Like a flower losing its leaves
And I can’t comprehend 
How anyone believes
In a God of good things
In a loaded gun
Everything in creation 
Screams that it is One
And I’m not exactly Buddhist
And Christian loses lustre 
I’m mad busy at work
Trying not to get in a fluster
And then the peace comes
In a moment of prayer
I kneel before the altar
And I hear that I Am There
And I’m glad I keep something of you
Coz the body it is taken
And I can only hope that Heaven
Is there when you waken
Into your new life
At the foot of the hill
There’s a lot I have let go
But somethings I never will
Like your kindness and your smile
And the way you’re always there
I never doubted for a moment
That you truly care
And all I have left
Or so it seems
Is what I collected 
Hiding in moonbeams
But your presence comes to state
That simply isn’t so
You only come to wisdom 
In the instant you let go
And you can’t fake the fire
You barely contain
But just because you’re angry
Don’t mean you should fight the rain
As I lean into your essence
That has always felt like home
I’m sitting in solitude 
But I’m not alone
Coz you’re everywhere around me
In the midnight and the dawn
Don’t have to wait for death
Because you are not gone
And seeing you again
Is just to see you now
The walls have fallen down
And it’s because of you somehow

The Elucidate

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Trying to elucidate 
The thing I used to call my fate
And I’ve got a lot on my plate
As they silence the confusion
But watch what you’re calling a delusion
Coz you don’t know what you say
They don’t understand so they put me away
And I fought and I raged against the machine
But would you make war with a dream
Or just see the sunset over the glen
And if I fight it’ll just happen again
One where the man breathes down my neck
And search for a ship he can wreck
And will I just be mad til my dying day
Or will the pain just go away
If I stand up and believe
She rolled up tissues under my sleeve
So I’d have something if I got stuffy nosed
The camera was paused so I posed
But I just look like him
So I took it again

Interpretations

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Can psychosis be precocious 
Or is it just kundalini
Is it love or does it just demean me
Like the woman said on the tv
I’m four years old and I cut my knee
I still have the scar
At 64 will that be what you are
Just another favor of my youth
Oh, time can be such a brute
It offers you the sky
But with a catch, you die
In the end or before your time
I’m hesitant so I rhyme
To make sense of things 
Meaning out of broken wings
And I was in a tight enclosure 
Thought I’d die from exposure
To the sun
Coz there’s this light shining from everyone
And the man passed my bed
I thought I’d pass out instead 
Coz I was just riding the vibe
Living (coz I am alive)
And he thought it was the bathroom glare
There were no locks in there
And they would bang on the door
And say; “just doing the check”
And I’m just some ship you wreck
With your foreign shore
Why the hell do I want more
Instead of less
It’s like some sort of undress
When my soul is bare
And you found the thread that started the tear
I got in your head and wound up in there
Where they parcel the joy
But I exchange it for a boy
I just found by the side of the road
I said to leave down the load
Even just for a moment, in my presence
And I could feel his essence
Start to fly
I hope I don’t die
Before I see him again
And I break my rule on men

The Disease Of Dissatisfaction

.Reading time 1 minute.
Photo by Ian Turnell on Pexels.com
You sit in silence, you hear the sound
Of doom now that it’s all around
And I swear I’m a first class citizen
So don’t pity them 
Those who ask to see you cry
Because they know everyone die
And they’re trying to put off the date
But why let it lie in wait
I stood up in my two boots
And issued a challenge to my roots
And I grow into a tree
Stuck in the same spot, you see 
And the vibration gives off waves
Are you the hero who always saves
Like Superman but in his Smallville years
Don’t think I didn’t see the tears
You cried in secret
I made a promise and I keep it 
Every day, I said I won’t forget
And you challenge me but I haven’t yet
I was hiding in the bush
When I said there was no rush
And you were in the long grass
When you worked up the nerve to ask
Me out on a date
You call it logistics, I call it fate
Coz what was held between us both
That evening on the coast
Of the shore that we both know
I love him so I let it flow

Syllables

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That single syllable that’s uttered inside
Does it go away when a person has died
That resounding Om
Does it disappear or does it just go home
And the gong, it rings
The spirit sings
And we are entrapped in everythings 
Like diamonds, jewels, bands of gold
What you buy and what isn’t sold
I left the mountain I hold so dear
I abandoned a friend and it’s crystal clear
That I did her wrong
And her song
Sings to me in the darkest night
Lord, I hope she is alright
Because she had to fight fire and bone
Stand up straight when she was all alone
And she’s always been something like home
Though I no longer stare at my phone
Hoping something will come through
And that I might hear from you
Like the days of yore
And what we all were before
The crystal glass cracked and shattered
Like a cod we’re a little bit battered
And I don’t pretend to entertain
What you lived out in vain
But the rain
Falls on all of us
And trust
Is not something you can break
When it is constant and for my sake
The glistening
Of a bird on the wing
As it shoots through the sky
Suspended between what will and will not die
Will always rise
And the horizon
Will always shine
It is minute but it is mine

Forever Shenanigans

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Forever shenanigans
Last longer than war
And when you're wondering what it's all for 
Look to your right and I'll be there
She thinks I don't care
But it's not that 
I just like him back
In a way I can't explain
It's like the falling rain
Doesn't give a reason why
And I'm terrified because I know that I 
Must suffer everyone to die
Til the day that I pass
And I'm not sure that even that last 
Coz, you know, reincarnation
Or heaven and hell and the tv station
Seems to reinforce that kind of show
And I can't let go 
Of all that passes like water through my hands
Like hourglass teaches the sands
To look like they fall
But you just turn the damn thing over and all
The story starts again
And you know that men
Look like they have it on lock
But when you look in their eyes they're not
All they appear to be
And I love that he's free
But, still, to me
He's the same old warrior I met
In a year I won't forget 
Coz it was almost past an hour
When I was overpowered
By the loss of a soulmate, friend
One moment you're fine
The next, the end
And you were at that show, in blue
And I spent time thinking of you
Til I was broken by the way of it all
At the lake, then a freefall
Into what I can't control
And I won't play the role
Of a faithful wife
Or a critic cynical about life 
I just gotta say
That it seems true that to go away
Is to come home
But I was never alone

The Terrifying Moment Of Us

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Photo by Chermiti Mohamed on Pexels.com
The loss means taking a hit
You think it means nothing but I feel every bit
Of pain you inflict
And I can call you a dick
But it doesn’t change the feeling inside
All I do is hide
It from prying eyes
But there’s a time when the disguise
Is a weight to bear 
And I tie up my hair
Because it’s too long
And your song
Still rings in my ears
Throughout the years
Of uncried tears
And I’m just sitting in my car at the Mall
Thinking of the time you called me pal
And I can’t get back that day
And it’s in everything you Say
That we can’t hold ourselves back from the bridge
That holds us over the river 
Do I forgive her
For the darkness that she opened
Like a Pandora’s box
But something undid the locks
And I can credit her with something she did not
Know she was doing
And all these dreams I’m pursuing 
Are just ways I escape 
From Superman’s red cape
As it tries to cover me 
And tell me I’m free
But I’m sad and I’m weak
I remember days I couldn’t speak
For want of crying 
Why is everyone dying
Slowly, then all at once
Kinda like how you fall in love

Death And The End Of Things

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Death and the end of things
Did it clip my broken wings
Coz I saw it in every facet
Of a diamond hue
And counted down the days
Until it would take you
And now I’m thirty three
One day it’ll take me 
Away from the world of form
The world into which 
I was born 
And it was midnight when I realised
That everything I loved died
On the street that day
And it’s not okay
To just say
That all things end
And love’s around the riverbend
Coz they never seem to care
About what isn’t there
Where it once was 
And I got angry just because
I couldn’t change it
Couldn’t change anything 
So I find the lungs to sing
The song you taught me all those years ago
And it doesn’t take snow
To preserve a body cold
What happens to us when we get old
Do we live in regret
Replacing what hasn’t happened yet 
Coz the time has piled
And all the miles 
We go from the place where we were
And nothing can replace her
Not as hard as it tried
The world is full of lies
But there is a truth that just fails
To catch the wind that set my sails
Upon a foreign sea
Are you still watching over me
Or is it just rueful fate
I love and It forgets the hate

Solipsis

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The sun is shining
The leaves are green
And I thank you for 
All that you have been
In the midnight stars 
Or ocean blues
I see you in
Sunset hues
And when the dawn 
Comes for the day
I thank you for
What's gone away
And what has risen
In its place 
I'm home again
In open space

Steven On The Stillorgan Road

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I think you are beautiful, I think you're a star
You really don't know how lovely you are
And I'd love to look at you and see you within
Your soul forms a shape and its constellating
And your eyes they are diamonds that shine from your core
I'd love to love you and then a little bit more
And your face draws my gaze but I don't want to stare
All I know is that I know you are there
And you don't fade away and you do not flinch
In the years that have passed you have not moved an inch
And we may be old and weary on the bone 
But I know in your presence I am not alone
And I wish I could spend some time by your side
Kiss the ground that you walk because you walk alive 
Shrink the violets to colour the room 
Thank you for coming not a minute too soon 


Photo Credit: https://pin.it/4jJmaS8

Ultramarine

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Saving orcas down by the pond
And you didn't know but I waited there til you were gone
And you'll never see
But I wanted to ask if you would marry me
With your poetic stare
You captivate people who aren't even there
And I missed the day you filmed with your latest band
And laughed out loud and said it'll be grand
Cause you've got that mysticism 
Carving a river with the blades of a prism 
And bending lines of truth like light through the water
I was afraid to be such a daughter
Because you are like no one else
And your hand magnetises atoms the molecules felt 
As you hold me close
Not with arms but a holy ghost
And you be company
In the darkest night when guns ignite you sat next to me
In midnight blues
That turn into mornings that can't handle you
Cause you are so delicately fine
And I'm afraid I will crush in the vice of my love what I want to be mine
But you are not for the taking
You've got your own soul mixed with the rock and roll of the path you are making
You beat your own track
And I fear I will never cross your piercing endeavour on my way back
Now you've got a success life
And I'm just a drifter who wonders if you missed her cause you said I was nice
I guess I never felt enough
To fill the chasm or the hole in the depths of your soul with a glass bottle love 
You are magic beams
When I wonder if this earth is all that I'm worth you speak to my dreams
I wish I was like you
So fearlessly true
And unafraid
Yes I confess, you marked the spot
Where the Last Airbender won't fail to remember what you thought she forgot 
I hold a star for you
And I plot the chart of my constellation heart every night that comes through
Stay forestry amid the plain
I cracked the stone and I let the rain

Double Doors

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Siena’s tried cocaine
I tried to numb the pain
With all the alcohol
But I’m just throwing bricks at the wall
Hoping that they stick 
Don’t be a dick
About it
Wasn’t I right to doubt it
Now I see you in her arms
And none of your charms
Can weasel your way back to me
Just take that jack to the wheel and see
I’m not for the changing
And all the flowers fading
Don’t mean that summer’s gone
Another year and this song
Will be played
What you say
Don’t mean a thing
And another ring
To hold my finger tethered to your soul
And the waves don’t crash to your rock and roll
Anymore
You see that door 
It opens from the inside out
And my mouth
Is not somewhere you find yourself
I am no Christmas elf
To deliver parcels to your tree
I just want you to be free with me
And let it go
I followed you just so you know

Twin Flame Dreams

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I meet you in my darkest hours
When I've been given over to unconscious powers
To remake the day
You touch my hand anyway
And say
That everything will be okay
And you're mystical, blue and something serene
I seem to only meet you in my dreams
Where your warm presence touches my soul 
And you crash like the tide on the shore that I roll
And we are as one beyond what I can contain
If you were a cloud you would fall to me as rain
But you're not a nebulous feat of the sky
You are a love that will never die
And I met you so long ago
But I knew you before that, you know
And we've had our rows and our differences change
I'm too much the same and you're overly strange
But somehow we meet in the middle of our love story plot
Breaking the shell of all that we're not
Into an omelette of fate's desire
You set my heart on fire
And it burns away all the cracks
I'm broken but I would not take it back
Coz that's how the light gets through
And I see it shining in you
As you magnify the circumspect
Is there a moment to reject
What we've known thus far
How could I ever know what you are?

The Pain Of Mankind

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
The guy cheats on his girl
With a woman he’s made his world 
And I see the flicker in his eyes 
That is the tell in his disguise
As she tries to put distance between
Me, her, him and the dream
And it’s not like I own the dude 
But do I intrude
To ask my boo
If he’s been making love to you
Behind my back
He sees the threat and he attack 
Me for all my voice can tell
And it reaches out to you as well 
And it’s like the storm knows what is
And you were never his
Just like he was never mine
Just a way I did time

Galaxies

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Coming down from the sky
Wondering if I’m gonna die 
As the wings catch air
And a shudder ripples in there
How does a flight
Set enough fire to ignite
A storm in me
And history
Is nothing new
So stars are spilling from the space that’s you
A galaxy, a kaleidoscope 
And Regina begins to hope
As she crawls up off the floor
Why is to know you to adore 
The shawl you clasp around your shoulder
And we’re not getting any older
Only more well versed in the scene
Even if the whole thing is a dream
To be deciphered by a sleuth like me
To know me is to set me free

The Broken Girls Club

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Welcome to the broken girls club
Admission is free
But it will cost you more
Than you ever thought it could be
And is it just an excuse that we get to use
To say we can’t live up to the point you prove
With pen on paper
And the people who hate her
Cutting like incisors
Labeled as survivors 
When it’s just a midnight rush
That is tender to the touch
That spirals out into infinity
Are you listening to me 
At all
And I hit a wall
Or bedrock
As you claim to be what I am not

No Deal

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They talk about taking a cut
I don’t wish to intrude but
Isn’t that selling out on your dreams
The tailor rips all the seams 
On a mighty dress
And I confess
That I never really knew what this life thing was
I just keep holding on because 
It seems to be the only thing to do
Hold my breath and set the queue 
And everything will be alright
There is no way to fight the night
Only accept its lapping waves
And the superhero who saves 
Is your own deepest core
Pushing you til you know there’s more 
Than surface appearance
In the woods and there’s been a clearance
Into some sort of scene
Everything is hazy as a dream
As I take what they offer me 
But I would rather be free
Of the chains that bind
They run rings around my mind
But suffice to say
It doesn’t go away
It only suppress
It’s there to be addressed
And I hold my hand out to the dark
It dances me around in the park
With the grass under my feet
How was it that we never meet
In all the years we’ve been together
Just me, you and the weather
And it’s a lavender suite
I let it go and defeat
Is the sweetest thing I know
It just took Him time to show
The underneath that silences doubt
Now forever is what I’m all about
And death is the mask that God wears
You don’t realise it til the illusion tears
And you’re left with a landscape in your lap
Did the Universe take a nap
On overseeing the score 
Coz I’m not sure who I am anymore 
But You assure
That this road is pure
As midnight snow
The moon kissing the white below

My Melancholia

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The streets are awash with my well worn fame
But just coz you know my name 
Doesn’t mean you know what I am
And I have a plan
To be the best thing since sliced pan 
But I get interrupted 
And things must be adjusted 
To fit my frame 
I used to love the game
There was that time my vision narrowed
Watching films and the haunting harrowed
As everyone just moved on
The place where I stood was long gone
And images rose up like a screen
Popping bubbles in the dream
And I lay in bed
Trying to quench the firestorm in my head
At eighteen
In Roebuck Hall stifling a scream
Into my pillow
Now she’s released Willow
Into the world
And I’ve grown up a girl
Into a fortress strong
Resilient that could never be wrong
And I spilt ink all over the page
Used my pen to rage and rage
Instead of caging the beast
I let the paper become the feast
And devour the pain inside
I don’t think I need to hide
Coz I know there’s a whole plethora
Of people who wish they didn’t know that 
That which I’m talking about
And the words that came out of my mouth
Were confused and afraid 
Like the sun had just put me in the shade
But it’s all in the past
Though the strength will last
Some kind of quantum leap
In consciousness that doesn’t sleep
Even when my eyes close
Are there reasons for everything, only God knows

The Salty Air

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The idea I came into being
The idea I go is sometimes freeing
But more than that is the pane of glass
That I watched one day just smash
As I looked across the reflection
It had conjured up
And though it was weak
It was born of love
And salty air caught my nose
It wasn’t something I ever chose
But would I go back
To buying into the sense of lack
That is so endemic
Long before the pandemic
Came to take lives from our shore
How much you lose is how much you adore
And I stared at him from across the stage
Riveted from the page
He had used to ink
The passing stream they call “to think”
And the joy just burst
Like a balloon in my thirst
And I hungered for air
That moved just because you were there 
Can you rivet an eye
And please explain why people die
If you can
Just a man 
But somehow more
I woke up Wednesday on the floor

Choppy Seas

.Reading time 1 minute.
The non Christian nature of my poems
Not rooted in love and charity
But the turmoil of a soul well oiled
I writhe in confusion
Is this a calling?
Am I meant to put pen to paper
And write out the storm
The crackle of firelight keeps me warm
But it pushes others away
Because even the best
As separate can’t stay
Only in the groundswell
In the depths of our origin
Are we one
Beyond the surface reality
Of seeming appearances
We share that underlying wellness
That defines all time
Sets a clock ticking 
And a person to mime
As though ocean days were all they had
In forests and grey hairs
We’re getting older
And I wish someone would’ve told her
That it was all okay
Oh, leave it up to me!
I turn the key
And set you free

A Little Bit Longer

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
The hate boils like oil in my throat
A corrosive on the metal you float
When you send it out to sea
Don’t count on it if you rely on me
Coz man I am no steam train
But I swear if you use that phrase again
I might just pop my cork
The road less travelled and the fork 
Is driving me half insane
Did you just use my name
To describe a certain state of mind
But it’s the world I leave behind
When I step out on the bridge
It’s like a Rocky Mountain ridge
As I traverse these perilous seas
That would have anyone on their knees
But I am not designed to please
Only be truthful and real
Do you know what you tried to steal?

Juxtapositions

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As a species we’re violent and cruel
Just look what it’s like in an American school
As they all compete to win the day
Or fight like hell to get away
And guns abound
I can hear their rattling sound
As they fire off
It’s a trigger point but what’s the cost
Of loving what you can’t contain
Can the sky hold the rain
Back once it’s started to flow
I let it be and you know 
It just moves from me
Like a current in an adjacent sea
That rhythms a tide
Did you realise you’re alive
Or are you just going through the motions
Bracing for the commotion
As it enters the building
And what is the frame that you’re gilding
With beautiful paint
I see the sun and I faint

Leagues

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
I dig you
Like a grave
And you’re the hero
I’d die to save
In the monuments
Of long lost glory
And are you just staring
At my story
As we put leagues 
In between ourselves
Like Walmart
And stacking shelves
For all our worth
I swore but it still hurt  
And cursed the stubbing toe
It didn’t make the pain go
Only added a layer of ennui
I’m always longing for open sky
To set sail a sea
Into the blue eternity 
That stretches out the clouds
Until I make the people proud
With who I am
Something about love
And God’s plan

Royalty

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Being young and miles away from death
Toasting to the movie scene
And it’s like a hole was punched in the dream
And my friends are just ladies who scream
At the first sign of trouble
Can I burst your pretty bubble
Coz it’s intruding on my space
And it’s a groan seeing your face
Coz you just wrote me off
Now I write it down and all is lost
As I find myself
And I gotta say it’s the best kind of wealth
To know what you are
Old Kings burning a celestial star

The Song

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
It ain’t me
It’s the poetry 
That wants you so bad
Enough to make a monument sad
In the ocean it rolls 
But I ain’t paying tolls 
For the road I use
Not just a book for you to peruse
As the library quakes
The fire burns and the ground shakes
Into the darkness I know so well
Do you think there’s such a thing as hell 
Or is it all imagination
Pulling into Longford station
And have you turn away from me
Surf the Shannon like it’s a sea
And dream of eternity
With your arms laced around me
As forever beckons
But what do you reckon
Will we give it a go
But I think I already know
What you’re gonna say
But I put it out there anyway

The Gifts And The Fruits

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Looking for the gifts and the fruits
Not growing up to be one of those suits 
I asked why I wasn’t suddenly wise
And why it is that everyone dies 
If we’re all eternal
And what is the infernal
But another cast of the dice
And reincarnation means more than twice
What do people believe
The kingdom of heaven up your sleeve
Or something new
He came to save all of you
And his example 
Means no sheep is left stranded 
On a mountaintop
His Love is a lot
And I find it hard to bear
The way the fabric suddenly tear
The sky in two
I was with him but thinking of You
And summer came just like a minidress
The ominous that I suppress
Threatens to override 
The system that I’ve tried to hide
In all the folds and creases of paper
Get out of the rat race and caper
That endlessly flies
As somewhere in the distance a child cries
With no one too soothe
And I’m self indulgently in a mood
Coz I don’t get my way
But what would God say
If he had breath to breathe
And lungs with which the words were freed
To express themselves
Is it time to take honesty down off the shelves