We were all shored up It was cut and dry And each one of us Would’ve been willing to die For the cause that we believe in The colour into life Not trudge to the grave As a man and wife But they caught us in the field As the sky turned back blue “Who dare refracts the sunlight We think that it is you” And he grabbed me by my collar Through me into a van Said a hundred metre sprint Would be an also ran And the courage dropped down low In the back of my throat As I thought about our history And the genius that I quote Are we just railroaded Into another station Will they call us out On all our conflagration And a blow to my face And another to my stomach The dread it lives in me Like a rollercoaster plummet And the drop may be expected But it is never willed It’s just there’s this void inside That is longing to be filled And if you have to crawl Make sure that you don’t stop I picked myself back up After a round in the parking lot And is the light extinguished Or does it live on Long after my beauty And my strength are long gone As I fail to lift a hand Til something pulls me to my feet And it’s been twenty years It’s like the first time that we meet In the battalion of the fearless That drown the silence out Stand up and be counted You don’t have to live without In this suffer and this burial You seemed condemned to bear But I know Truth by name Because I saw the lie tear And the fabric rip a thread Now it’s pulling a seam It seems a hole has pierced Through the density of dreams That send us aflourish Into the garden green It’s coming around again All that we have been
Running from the dark wolf in my closet That wasn’t a sin now was it Coz I’ve been recounting tales Since I was knee high And everything that lives seems to die And I don’t know why So I fight and I toil And I break and I boil Coz there are atrocities In the human endeavor And I’ve always been seduced By the promise of forever Coz it’s bulletproof And no matter how aloof She is I know There’s part of us that don’t let go In the years we grow Up and out And our self doubt In a mountain aware I love the feeling of you being there
Is your country just a concept Something you play with Have you grown up Or are you still being a d*** Coz I cannot stand in silence As the pillars burn Wait for someone else To steady the axis turn And storms are breaking out Like they said they would I read between the lines Of a Book that is Good But you seek to condemn What is merely knowing I look out the window It’s April and it’s snowing As the ice melts And the Gulf Stream redirects I listen to Greta And I wonder what’s next In this reverberate That is slowly brewing The people in charge Don’t know what they’re doing Or maybe they do (In that case it’s worse) You order a Starbucks But I sense a hearse Somewhere on the horizon For the human race There’s no telling the atrocities That maybe we will face If something doesn’t change On the political scene I woke up from my nightmare And it was just a dream
Singing in my summer clothes Have one on me, one for the road And it’s long but it leads back to You The only path, the one that is true And I fight with the storm in my veins Countenance curious pains That attempt to distract From the fact I want him back But he’s sold to some other source And I have no remorse About speaking my mind I didn’t leave you behind Just on hold To be brave and to be bold Enough to truly say I didn’t want you to go away But doubted my ability, okay There’s nothing I can make stay Coz it’s all built on sand that’s shifting Tell me who I should be gifting With a midnight purpose scene I thought You and I was just a dream
One moment of togetherness in the pit of my stomach It’s like that drop when the rollercoaster plummet And you know that there’s no going back You’re my personal heart attack In a dark room or on a screen And it was later I saw you as the dream Always at arms length away Coz it’s not safe if you stay That close to me You’re threatening my captivity And I wanna be free So I got lost in a degree Where I make two and two equal four But you’re on the other side of the door Singing please let me in So I let myself love him Soft and slow Like I am letting you go But then I took a storm Said this thing isn’t even warm Though the lightning cracks And you let loose some things you can’t take back And I swore we’d never speak again And I lost my tenuous faith in men But it keeps coming back to find me I’m just being eccentric so don’t mind me When this reel is done I’ll shine like the fuckin sun
That single syllable that’s uttered inside Does it go away when a person has died That resounding Om Does it disappear or does it just go home And the gong, it rings The spirit sings And we are entrapped in everythings Like diamonds, jewels, bands of gold What you buy and what isn’t sold I left the mountain I hold so dear I abandoned a friend and it’s crystal clear That I did her wrong And her song Sings to me in the darkest night Lord, I hope she is alright Because she had to fight fire and bone Stand up straight when she was all alone And she’s always been something like home Though I no longer stare at my phone Hoping something will come through And that I might hear from you Like the days of yore And what we all were before The crystal glass cracked and shattered Like a cod we’re a little bit battered And I don’t pretend to entertain What you lived out in vain But the rain Falls on all of us And trust Is not something you can break When it is constant and for my sake The glistening Of a bird on the wing As it shoots through the sky Suspended between what will and will not die Will always rise And the horizon Will always shine It is minute but it is mine
Do I break the lid on categorical pain That seems to be as seasonal as rain And some people walk through a waterfall But they don’t seem to get wet at all And I climbed up mountains and I ran down valleys Befriended enemies and demonized allies But it never got me away From what I quintessentially say And as a baby I cried a lot But what was it that time forgot My first day of school Or when that girl broke the golden rule Watched my reflection in another’s eyes Or felt the pain when somebody dies Like my skin is being ripped from my bones Or the silence when I’m all alone Feels so much like peace When the noise cease And you can’t erase the childhood you own The good, the bad, before the iPhone That we didn’t post Or the narcissism when that person ghost Me over something I didn’t say So I let her walk away Took it out on a guy Who was the answer and the reason why The stars shone like diamonds in his eyes He suddenly lit up the night skies And the river runs deep and true I forgot about loss the moment that you Held my hand, they were all asleep And is it just like a trinket I keep Like so many others And the cloud smothers Me with its love Though I still look above For a being I can’t find I didn’t really go out of my mind I just had to get away And what people say Claws at me But the thaw reaches deep and sets me free From the aching of time A moment, nothing, and then It was mine
The sound of him Is everything win In no forest I can grasp And maybe I should’ve But I didn’t ask Now you have her And as far as I can tell Everything is going really well But I can’t watch you for an eon Or an era So I ditched the scales I used to sear ya To forbode You’re carrying a heavy load And relief Should be yours So instead of shutting doors I’ll leave this one ajar And love you long time, from afar
If I’ve got to forgive the world It’s gotta include you I don’t think you know What you did, do you Coz you sent a dart Right through my heart Until God made my pain Into some kind of art And I’ve been holding a grudge Since 2005 And it’s a wonder I’m still alive With all the splicing My soul seems to do And it seems the splinter Began with you As you took an axe To my great tree Thinking you could fell The very best of me And I came crashing To the forest floor Til I realized pine needles Were something I could adore Coz they’re born of my symmetry And they contain All of the teardrops I drank in as rain That nourished the flow That pumped my veins With blood that heats A thousand refrains And colours them The deepest hue I’m red as a sunset sky And I let it through Like a shepherd’s delight To signal the morning Will be alright And the storming Will give way To a fragrant calm I close my eyes And trust the alarm
I swore I would always be free But I’m held captive with you It’s closer we’re getting To what pulls us through And the thread is fine And, Lord knows, I walk the line Down another avenue It may be just me and you In our all and sundry And it’s just another Monday Kissing the stars Or your lips behind prison bars But I’ve got a key Would you want to escape with me In fields of gold Or do you prefer your cell so cold And he does a dance with his eyes The perfect perforation in his disguise “Would you love me true?” I will of course, will you love me too And he bats his eyelashes Flips them up and down And he has me already In a white gown But I’ve grown out of marriage Of the dream I once had Coz the more that I wanted it The more I felt bad And it’s silent for a beat And the heat Rises between us two I leave but I come back to you To regale the tale Of the Infinite I don’t know about you But David might Take a second glance Give me love like it’s my last chance To catch a star I don’t think I’ll ever know what you are
So I got locked up For a crime I didn’t commit And the doctors are in league With the demons I’m dancing with And they’ve got names For my affliction Like love and lust Passion and addiction And I can’t exist Between the two poles Do anything other Than be completely whole And I thought I could trust In a fall away floor So I stood still And the trapdoor Vanished From under my feet Now me and the darkness Finally meet In movements that reach Across my bedroom floor It’s not really Less is more More like a mystery Than a conundrum The wonder is that I Can’t discover Him Where he always was Like light was put on pause And the Saint I love She talks about the distance Between the God of peace And the rest of existence So I know I’m not really On my own Then it bursts to life In true colours shown Like the whole world was pulsing With this desire And the heart of the matter Was a burning fire That gives rise to lit in the tree Like Moses says God is talking to me And the Divine has its own language It speaks in tongues And I could translate them When I was young Now all of the words Turn to a silent tone Like the crackle of static On the other end of the phone
There's a place for you here
In a heart so warm
Resilient enough
To overcome the storm
And the wind is knocking
On my door every day
But when I meet you
There's nothing to say
Coz you're clever, you're brash
You're the epitome of suave
There's no mountain to climb
When you assuage
My fears with the danger
Of what you'll do today
I know there's nothing in the world
That I can say
That will stop you from heaving
The weight of the sea
But there was a moment
You were just there with me
In the ashes, in the fire
In the brave, in the free
You can call it forever
Or just destiny
But you match my endeavour
Like a hidden ring
And I know if you asked
I'd give up everything
To be the summer
In your glass of wine
Would it be okay
If I called you mine?
The sound of defeat as he chooses another lady And I dunno but I think that she hates me For intruding on their sacred space But he was a drug I loved to taste And the hit was high And it’s so hard to say goodbye Like it’s a final sort of end Or worse maybe we’re still friends And he could call me pal But I’m not a second best sort of gal I’d rather cut my losses and run Find something else that shines the sun And who knows, maybe it’s not a man Maybe there’s no limit to what I can Do It’s just not you And I turn on the radio and it’s a Sony Listening to that guy that’s lonely And maybe I’ll meet him in Blue Note Give him letters that he can quote Like before When he beat a path to my door Only for me to fly And the year the whole world threatened to die In a storming cavalcade Is it a fate we can evade Or is it an absolute rest We get the day before the test
Stuck in ‘08 It was my date with fate As it led me to your door Did you want me more More than I can attest And we’re both fully dressed But I feel your eyes rake over me Like we’re naked with destiny Just us and the come what may And you fill up the gaps in what I cannot say But it’s subterfuge and we’re resting in hiding But there’s something of love that is all abiding Now you’re sharing your soul with someone else With skin so thin you could make a heart melt With the fire that burns off you It seared a part of me too And I can’t change the fact of you I’m not the same and neither are you But we both kinda are Like the atoms forged in a star Or the matter that make time and space Bend the equivalent of the human race To the tune of light refract I never said no but I still want you back Standing outside my window It’s true there were days that I looked at him, though And I cannot deny my feelings were real With the depth of the red that he deal An ace of hearts And mine almost starts To beat double time He was the essence of fine As he’d crack a smile in my direction Like he’s open to cards if I make selection And he lives just across the hall And he kinda caught the ball When I threw it at him Is it a decision I cannot win Coz I love them all The truth in my own freefall
The sound of you Has echoed through these halls And it’s bringing down barriers And cavernous walls Until all is a grand open space With not one instant of my time gone to waste And I hit pause in 2011 All because the sound of Heaven Was just too damn real And you’re not the boy I want to steal Away with into the night But you came close to it, alright And I spill ink on the canvas I draw I’m like the cold witch and my bones start to thaw In the sunlight you bequeath And I guess I’m embarrassed so I stare at my feet But you turn my face upward with your palm You look at me and I am calm I’m the storm that surround You are worth the way it resounds And leaves me feeling like friend is ancient I’m an artist and I try to paint it But it never lives up to what you are A feeble try to condense a star Into matter and fusion But it was just confusion To say I don’t love you so And I just want you to know That you crack the glass with your smile And I dream of you for a little while But it is real as can be I took the biscuit but just dip it in tea
My love hasn’t changed Though the atoms have rearranged And come to form a celestial sphere But vibrate when the glass clear And wipe the window clean Like it is some kind of dream That I believe in or don’t They tell me to leave it but I won’t Coz you are the summer weather I crave Not the man I came here to save Not an ocean to span And my voice shakes but I speak because I can And utter the syllables long on my tongue You’re not just a season of being young But the epitome I’ve come to cherish It’s okay if it’s too much to relish In the break of dawn A moment there and then it’s gone
I was something And I could see A new and different version of me And it’s come to pass That I have come to ace the class Of transformation Coz they flick the tv station But the score Is always I want more Than what is But I am His And I found in life A reflection of his beauty In a man and it’s my duty To explain that I See through the body that die Into the effortless supreme I gasped and it woke the dream
You showed me the sky It was your own shade of blue And there is a timelessness That lives in you And everyone you touch Is a resonant hum It took me ten years To see you’re the One The One in All The Jesus who stands The love of my life When I’m holding your hands And they’re soft to the touch And gentle and warm Who’d ever have known We’d have kicked up a storm Like dust under feet When the wind blows a tune Something is echoing Now you’re in the room
Death, looming like a great paragon on the horizon I don’t know what to take a side on But I know I can’t stay on the fence Or civilization will be in the past tense As we see the aching Colosseum stand for war But it crumbles in the end because of what it’s for And we hear the machine gun roll But they can’t kill the soul And it will come round to embrace The very worst of the human race Til we’re all tended like wheat in the field The wind shakes the barley and it yield To the power of peace and benevolence As we watch the rhythm dance Like a song across the grass The only truth in my life is that Love last And in the oceans that span a sea There’s a depth to you and me That no wonder can contain Let’s wake without the pain To prompt us to stir Do you even know what we were As we wear that t-shirt too I was born in the moment I met You
There’s a new thing brewing But can it keep its head Cause the parapet is raised And so many people lie dead But I climb up the rock There’s a world of things that I am not As the sun in the sky Shines over the seas as they go by And it’s hopping over there On the Western front and I care About how it all goes down I left half my heart in that town And now I go back Before the attack In shoes that I can walk What does it take to see through the talk Into what is true Is there any way I can save you From your fate The demolition that lies in wait I shake the dust off my shoulders I’m like Icarus chasing boulders That have no business in that myth But the world is chomping at the bit And this is just a dragon I dance with In my hope for a new born truth A time beyond the confines of youth As we let the shackles drop What does it take for one person to say stop And breathe What do the people need Can we shift the scene Out of this nightmarish dream I know no one who can say That everything is okay When we just let it crumple If there’s lightning then thunder will rumble
The desert wasteland of thirty years old Do you believe in everything you’re told Or is all and sundry just something to match Setting fire to your roof of thatch Do we all just fade away into the night Or is there life to eternal ignite And it never struck me that it might be strange That I can see atoms rearrange As they weigh on the bough of a tree Or comes pressing down on me As I lie in my bed at night Before I was born into holy light That flames my spirit to a soar And let me know there’s something more
The Jesus in my soul Is a story I haven’t told Coz He is always there A place of true care And I fell in love with men Hoping I would see Him again In moments silent and true I saw reflections in the eyes of you And you stand tall and look like a hero And I’m on my way to absolute zero And I dig the earth Disregard the waves of hurt In ages pulling hence The present moment’s never in the past tense And He is a forest of trees All you have to do is believe And trust when you’re letting go That he will catch you, you know
Imma bounce Like a cat about to pounce Or the people you denounce Coz I just can’t stay still in chains I look up to the sky and it rains Open air and fresh water blues You know the breeze smells of you Like fresh grass or school in the nineties era Kind of scary and I feared ya When you looked deeply into me What is it that you see Coz your eyes are golden And no one would believe me even if I’d told em But you stay still and silent as the grave I never knew my own power to save With my mere presence alone Now you’re just on the other end of a phone And I followed every line you dropped Til the moment when it just stopped And I couldn’t contain the rush Is it now we get to touch Coz we seem separated by a million miles But I could never pay for one of your smiles It radiates like a frequency to burn I swear you make the world turn
I’ve never spoken of my feelings for you And I don’t know why And I’m always scared You’re gonna die Coz I hold you so dear But you’re never near And I don’t think you understand I never had any of this planned And I know you’ve got a life And its unreasonable to think a wife Is what I could be It’s borderline delusional a history But I’ve gotta speak this longing in my heart The reverberations start When you’re near the scene And the fabric of my dream Starts to shimmer Did you use the dimmer Switch coz the light in here Is gone all moody and I fear That I may be for you over again I’m fascinated by other men But you hold this draw Like you’re the rule and the cosmic law Pulls me to your door Don’t you love me anymore?
Is she battered and bruised Or just slightly used Coz I can’t clamber back up Into the heights of our love It’s like something has been locked out And it smacks of my doubt In a crescent moon And is the end coming soon Or do we have time Is it a holy crime To count the days of tomorrow as now Coz life won’t let me somehow It gives me clear directions and tells me write I look up and you’re alright So I dip my quill Let the ink spill And though I never will I paint pictures with the upmost skill Until The bell chimes And we’re full of “I’m fine”s But how are you really And do you feel me Or is it just refraction I’m stifled by my own inaction In the face of war Could you tell me what it’s for Coz I hear the gun ring out And my self doubt Spirals a song Could you tell me what I’m doing wrong? And I feel our humanity But it’s just not up to me As I swim in the stream Against the current and it’s a dream Can I wake up now I’ll hold your hand if you allow So that we both might stir My reflection in the still of her
We’re on the frontier of a new design And it’s not like I can call anything mine As we switch up the fray And while it’s sunny I’m gonna make hay And set it in store Could you wish for anything more Than grain in the barn And those you love safe from harm As the storm rages And I’m furiously writing pages Coz I’ve just got to get this damn thing down Before the ocean rises and we start to drown Because I cannot quell the tide But I can speak while I’m alive
It was just a random Tuesday I walked back to school There was nothing happening All was cool All was fine And that was the last time I was free of the knowledge that You were gone I haven’t thought about it in so long I came in the gate The sun was shining I wasn’t late And I walked round the corner Met Natalie She looked with crying eyes at me Expecting me to know I panicked as I realized truth Was hitting me again in youth Who? Who? And she let the name go I was reeling with the blow And we passed each other by I stared at the sky All I could think was Where’s my school bag I have to get my stuff Why is it so important What I’m not thinking of And we gathered in the Oratory Like a smashed piece of glass And one of the girls hugged me She sat beside me in class And all I could think of Is you love And I try not to feel The sensation I lean on the others For consolation And I caught my maths teachers eye As my sister fell into my arms to cry And he looked away There was nothing to say Coz how do you deal with it Death, the punch One minute you’re fine Just coming back from lunch Next minute the Chaplain Has us all in a bunch And I didn’t cry The tears wouldn’t come And you were just So young, so young And I shut off my feelings For the next fifteen years Coz I haven’t lost you If I don’t cry the tears And hold it all together But the sky is rainfall And loss is the weather And I try to recall So I won’t forget Every memory of you That’s fresh in my mind yet And what would you say To us all I have the faith That you’re not gone at all But watching over us And blessing the ground That we walk You hear every sound And catch every weep I take tablets to help me to sleep As I fall asunder Is it any wonder But something in me just holds you fast You’re in our hearts so you haven’t really passed And I’m finally opening the doors to talk About the confidence in your walk And the way you just breeze on through I hope that you know I still miss you And that I still feel your light on days I find you in quieter ways As you whisper your love in the moment I break I let it go for God’s sake
Love, he reaches out to you And, God, I don’t know what to do But I move my feet To the tune of his beat And it’s not quite a dance Coz it’s woken from the trance And music don’t sound the same But I vibrate to the holy name Of the one who saved my life Not once but more than I’d like And I’ve been relegated in the extreme But it’s only within the dream
We gotta draw the line (I tell him I’m fine) But he insists that I Am too distressed not to die And I try to fight But he blows out the candlelight So I’m just fumbling in the dark For a torch in the park And it’s no place to be in times like these And St. Pat’s brought me to my knees And I want to fly in the face Of what they swear is my disgrace And I disagree But his degree Is not in conflict resolution And he seeks the dissolution Of this state of mind But look at what I’d leave behind If I just left you there With no one watching and no one to care As I muck it out in the trenches They call my name when I’m sitting on benches My place to make a scene And this vision is a dream But I will make it real I pay back what I steal I a hundred pound notes I’m Gandhi or at least one of his quotes
Among the flying knives that shatter the glass I’ve found something that could last And everywhere I look’s the same I’m seventeen in everything but name And she’s as awesome as she always was And I love him just because He’s different and nice And didn’t expect me to look twice But I’ve been looking in the mirror For as many years as I fear To add to in the relentless pursuit Of time that is consuming our youth And I noticed my skin looks dragged Did I ever appreciate what I had When it was there for real Does he care what I feel And would he care to know The places that my daydreams go When they are resting on solid ground Does he know I love the sound Of forever in his intonation I fuck it up then I go on vacation For a decade or so But I love how we take it slow
I have no enemy to speak of
When they say love is just a drug
They cannot refer to the same thing that I
Would give another and be ready to die
To protect
The whole thing seems wrecked
But there's a summer in the snow
And there are places we can't go
When we sum up the surmise
That is a horizon in my eyes
Shining even in the dark
And as I'm walking in the park
I know my saviour walks with me
Protecting me from history
As a state of mind
Just love and be kind
And let the world know who you are
Does the sun approximate a star
Or is it just far too close
Is is the Spirit or the Ghost
That I feel in the rhythm of shoes
That mark my footsteps in twos
As they hold the pavement ground
Deftly so that a sound
Issues forth from where they meet
I look up and welcome sleet
The flow of superfluity
Allows me to write
But do I stand up
For what I know is right
Coz there's ancient eons
Creaking with the weight
There are girls crying out
Like they're on a first date
And the man has just
Produced a pistol
I can't hide from
All the vitriol
That just pours through
So I try to compose
A letter to you
So that you might know
That from where I'm standing
The world and its discontents
Can be too demanding
But I don't fail
At the final hurdle
I just shift my stance
Like I'm playing wordle
And there is no monument
Or mountain to climb
That's out of reach
Of the Sublime
So I'll just keep my breath
Like it's a tic tac toe
But I'll be true
Always, you know
How do I describe that time in my life I’m fourteen and there is strife But something pierces through me It’s as though I can suddenly see What’s before me on the page I’m kicking back and burning sage In my window dressing by the sea The moment when God touched me With Her ephemeral light Says, get up, kid, you’ll be alright And all of a sudden the night was done You can’t fear the dark when you know the sun And it came to me like a breeze or chill Says, move it, girl, or I will And forever was a mountain I couldn’t move So many exams and so much to prove But I won’t be writing for the Longford Leader I’ll be spinning yarns so you’ll believe her And time has passed But that time will always last As I scream my breath out into the air And find something real that is there More than what pulls away Like cobwebs at the break of day Filled with few in the morning light But transparent and alright Catching rays and bending frames Being so much more than their names Like I did in first class I woke up and it kicks ass!
Getting drunk in the city Darragh’s cute and Johnroy is witty And Liosa and Isabelle are so pretty Im too smart and that’s a pity And I feel lost in the move of the club Marian holds my hand as we walk round the pub And it’s a sprawling mess but it’s divine The days UCD was mine And I did less learning than ever before Don’t you see how the sun lit up the floor As we did a skit about being D4 I’d never been that sassy before But it only made us closer as a group And I was just sitting on the stoop When he laughed and told a joke And he smiles so I don’t have to cope With this damn state of mind that’s dragging me under He is the clouds But I am the thunder And I just rumble Into the town that we own He’s older than me But you never would’ve known As he bought me a drink That said don’t think Too much about those things He makes a face and my heart sings He throws his arm casually round my shoulder And I feel I’ve just dropped the boulder That I’ve been rolling up this hill He lets me see his heart at will It’s lockdown and I’m thinking of him Wondering if he kept that grin And nothing burns like gasoline You’re the fire in my dream And I never told you what you wanted me to Could you see that I love you? And he probably has a furnace to build He’s the red in my heart and it cannot be filled With the memory of what we were Can I present tense the moment I’m her As we’re running down aisles and chasing down stars And Rob, you know, he plays guitars And I just wish I could be involved Coz this damn problem’s never solved But I wouldn’t change it, because we met I hold a space in my soul for you yet
There are so many things In life that pass away Made me ask Does anything stay And I found in the dark An unbeatable light It’s shines through the veil Til everyone’s alright And it’s taking to task The body I walk Makes me speak Not merely talk And it loves and it cares But it is detached Unlocks the door Even when it’s latched It goes up and over Here and beyond Answers questions Like a dumb blonde With the smarts I looked it’s way And suddenly it starts To shine For the whole world to see Don’t you know It’s not about me But about the fabric Becoming paper thin He saw the real So I let him in
You can’t stop the slow march of time You can only reveal the effortless sublime And Obama sang for yes we can But could the answer really be a man Who could lead us all to peace But it gets worse before the trouble cease And we all clamber, fighting the tide Did you notice you’re alive Or are you so lost in the stream That you don’t see beyond the edges of the dream As it binds you with its swell So much so that you can’t tell What is true or supposition Til pain hits you with its ammunition And we have got to learn how to deal With the fabric that Reality steal To make into a dress or suit And is Truth a just pursuit?
I write my own version of epicology
It's a word I made up to describe mythology
Of the personal self so cool
Oh, the awesome that I was in school
As I danced on a cloud nine
The minute He pierced through what was mine
To reveal the ever present source
And I'm filled with remorse
That I never seem to live up to
The identical that I saw in You
As we spend our time just having a laugh
As we melt like a wall that's not gonna last
And I can't contain you in a rhyme
Except that you were outside of time
A moment, free and then to bind
We lost love to the mind
As the shackles came back to say
We don't let people go that way
But I look up and the light
Is still shining on us, alright
And I don't need to let go
Of what is inherent to me, you know
And I don't know how to unfurl
The heart that creates the girl
As a modicum to understand
You were the truth I hadn't planned
Thought I could be the solitary queen
Til the sword lanced the dream
And birthed me into real life
I like you, is that alright?
It was momentary Just a little hint of stardust As we danced to the silence of your heart And I realized we would never be apart That there’s something in your eyes It’s in the movies in disguise And I remember watching Yvaine Soar above the pain In that summer of 08 It was August and every breath that I take Informs me of something new And, honey, it was you
Now you’re far away And weaving in and out between Dancing in Some kind of dream And there are words I don’t utter But when you smile I melt like butter Into a puddle at your feet I’m still absorbed by the way a black hole will meet The light that moves to its own pulse And I must inquire does love repulse Opposite poles like two magnet shapes Did I fall in love or did I forsake
And we’re all at sea in our separate lives We do anything just to survive But I catch you catch hold of my hand Help me into a carriage I don’t understand As it takes me somewhere new There is scenery but it sings of you And the us we could be Or already are like water is free To flow through rather than under And I may have deleted your number But it’s just coz I’m defeated and going under The tidal weight of the ocean we are You caught my eye like a shooting star
What if there is no right or wrong And the tree of life is just a song And the music plays to keep us secure Not waving oceans to endure As it all just comes apart We’re floating back to the start Where it all comes together And there’s no sign of Noah’s weather As we meet the end of days It’s just the start in many ways
There’s no way back now We’ve got to find a new way somehow To cut a swathe through the tide Really breathe while we’re alive And we may have realized That we’re all living under blue skies But we hide behind each tree we find Conceptualize it with the power of mind And search for a way to be secure But don’t you know we’re all born pure And I’m not trying to catch you out But don’t you think it’s good to doubt And question what you don’t understand The life of the free is never planned But an unfoldment in Universal degree I may be wrong but hey, that’s just me!
I don’t know if you’re watching here But I want you to know I love you, dear And I feel you close as the skin The arms, the legs, the body I’m walking in And you touched my soul more than I can announce I try the words but I can’t pronounce The monumental you mean to me, love Let me meet him again I ask God above
I fight with my femininity It evokes love But I can’t tie myself To any of the above Only open my heart For peace to be shared Open my notebook To say that I cared And that I’m not In this quiet, tight space But dreaming of days When I touch your face Telling you all You mean to me Not closing the door So you can be free And I know that I have put out More than I take back And I have been hobbling Over what I lack But the sight of you Is like a comet true And I’m shaking just thinking Of what I would do If you were mine To have and to keep To wake up beside A good nights sleep And you’re kind and you’re awesome I’ve been keeping you away I look down at my feet Coz I don’t know what to say And you tell me I’m lovely And beautiful He left me empty Now I am full Of a joy that’s brimming Full of trust Can I come in, baby It’s a must And you look at me As if I defy The life I’m leading As some kind of lie But I just wanna be Myself again A woman in A world full of men Telling me how I should contain This heart of mine That’s broken with pain But shining with gold As I repair The parts of myself That knows you are there That knows there is kindness And there is truth More than monuments I’ve built to our youth And nobody knows Or can describe The feeling of loving Breath when you’re alive And I’m haunted by loss And the threat of death Keep living days Full of regret Coz I can’t control The passing of seasons Or people with pride And a bowl full of reasons And is it insincere To proclaim my devotion To the silence In all the commotion As I feel the movement Of a pin drop Signaling winter Or the moment to stop And take in an aside Of all we’re meant to be I didn’t know if you knew So I’m letting you see
You’re running in my blood You’re running in my veins And it’s like the man said That I am strange Coz I just can’t be awful to make a point I’m only messing, don’t knock yourself out of joint In trying to be normal and to fit in I come and go but it’s always him I return back to in the midnight Where there’s no need to ask if you’re alright Coz you are and the stars shine from your sky We’re together forever so there’s no goodbye Waiting in the wings of a terrible dawn When you wake up and realise that it’s all gone Like the boy I loved when I was seventeen But the wind escaped from a terrible dream The one I roll in like the sea When the current is demolishing me Til all and sundry is broken and beaten Like you have you’re cake but it will remain uneaten And I never got to hold his hand But the sight of him sure was grand Til the brutal tide that won’t be surpassed Came at me til I was harassed Trying to get on with half an act It’s like it was fucking awful and I can’t go back To where I was before it began And you become an also ran Til I’m knocking my head against the wall Coz I can find no silence in it all But the peace it came and kissed my face When I was an abject disgrace When nothing could save me from defeat I was run down and knocked off my feet And I try to get back up and walk It’s like telling the wind it has to talk When it can only whisper nothings on the breeze Do you know the feeling when your heart starts to seize And you’ve got nothing but ragged breath Saying to yourself there’s no regret But just one that I ever let you go And another that I never let him know The true depths of feeling that pumps a course My circuitry and the remorse
Hiding part of myself Had me holding onto mental health As the only way to steady the ground As it shakes to the sound Of white noise and light I’m one of the boys and I’m alright As I take a sip of a drink Then throw the rest of it down the sink Coz I want to keep my nerves As something that serves Me instead of fighting a war Coz both sides lose what the winnings for As the turmoil draws you in Ducks in a row like lines of sin And the winter seems to last forever But you haven’t seen the last of this endeavour As I grapple with the ghost that throws me down I’m in the ring and out of town As they all call my name I say goodbye to the chains of shame
I’m exhausted fighting the tide Oh what does it mean to be alive Is it treading water or surfing the waves Is it falling down or being brave Coz I cannot seem to find a story When you look at it really that doesn’t adore me As I question every facet of a different hue It’s who I am not what I didn’t do Living on the brink of a well worn facade Diving deep beyond feeling bad And finding the Heaven life has in store You think this is it then it’s a bit more And I don’t draw diagrams for fun I’m all architecture and you’re the one As we build and we break But we own each and every breath that we take And every step that we walk We must be integrity not mere talk But the sun on the land Or the good looking lad in a band That caught my eye Oh, I feel I could fly But doubt my wings It’s all hyperventilate and wondrous things As he meets my stare Holds himself like he’s really there And I cannot ignore The unconditional that I implore Not to leave me And you wouldn’t believe me If I told you the truth The monumental and my youth
Do I really want you to come a little closer You’re just like a ghost With the flavors of nothing And what I love the most I see you shy away and I avoid Being one of the girls You’re not one of the boys But you dance Like Heaven has given you another chance To be all you are The wonderful bridge Constellatory star That just shines Like gleaming diamonds in gold mines I pick one up But it just reflects the look of you, love And we’re one again Outside the realm of women and men Just to be what is He holds my hand and I am his To recalculate All that has me in a lowly state Where do I walk And is all my effulgence just mere talk Do I live up to The brigand that I saw in you As you caught my hand I catch my breath as you reprimand Me for my trauma of being too much I back away but I also clutch You to me Can you love the whole sea When it’s not yours or mine I felt crushed watching About Time And I could feel a lion roar Deep within me Death the moment life begins me As I sit up off the floor What was that and what’s more Who am I How am I not to die When this body walks I seem to move But it’s just patterning on the groove Of the effervescent I hate to be described as pleasant Coz it’s so lukewarm And I am nothing if not a storm Brewing over the hill Do you know the moment if you’re not still?
Idealism has me loving him Through the wings of a new song And I’ve only felt Sparsely that I belong In and out between the fear Catching hold of what I hold dear In the hopes that it won’t leave And it’s little that I don’t believe Coz it all pulses in my throat And are we post rote Learning now I sit upon the bough Of a leaning tree To watch the sunset fade in front of me And think it’s much like a life That doesn’t get to happen twice Unless you’re into that sort of thing A reincarnation into the skin that swim In the great ocean And I’ve always been emotion Trying to calm down But I walk on solid ground As my heart beats in my chest Trust in God and leave the rest
Are you threatened by the female Do you reverberate Am I meant to give up On myself in that state Or is there a way To be and grow I gave you a chance To have me, you know But you turned away From the dance I split the boil With a lance Til all the pus Came spewing out The knife was quick As my wit, no doubt
Something happened to set the scene And wake me up from the dream And it was all I could do not to exclaim That you need sky for the clouds to rain As I discovered a newfound glory Something exists outside the story And it’s living itself as me It’s like the storm has been set free To wage its unholy war To show you what peace is for And it’s broken me down to a fragment I’m still looking for where the person went As it vacates the premises I let go of the notion of nemesis As everything turns to a quiet state Do we have to learn to hate When we’ve been set free I let the chains fall off of me
We could have a fifty year stand And I could live with holding your hand But I could never be bound to profess That I’m anything more than this minidress And what I’m meaning to confess Is that I reach for you in my distress But I don’t see forever in your eyes Because, you know, everybody dies And I lost him at seventeen When I wasn’t even in the dream Just walking back from lunch Ignoring that petty hunch That had you sidelines and sideways I don’t care what anybody says Anymore coz they’re all liars And I’ve set one too many fires Under who I’m meant to be I’ve grown up but still don’t see And the diagrams all refract The way you can’t get people back Once you’ve lost your hold on them If I could would I live it again? Just to feel the same old pain If you walk on grass do you curse the rain That made it green and fresh It’s been years but I don’t forget
The Poetry Book 