Of Words And Trees

Afraid of my own words
It’s like a tree being afraid of the birds
Never mind, it’s true
I can’t hide any of this from you
As I take pencil to page
To rattle the walls of every cage
To let the dark out
The demons can’t hurt you if you shout
And call the sky into being
It is the waves that I am freeing
To know their ocean nature
Like the moon so in tune with every crater
I smile at the good of it all
Cause I found solid ground in the freefall

States of Consciousness

The wrong side of the bay
I love you, I hope that’s okay
And the midnight is as much the day
As is the sun part of the ray
As it lands on grass so green
This is all you’ve ever been
And everything you’ve ever seen
But time has come to wake from the dream
And into the open expanse
Of valleys where the leaves dance
In time with the wind and for a glance
The stillness wills you to take a chance
And open out the depths of love
Like a Saviour from above
As it all fits like a glove
The symbol of the Holy Dove
And it’s not what you have, it’s what you give
Are you able to really live
To be true and forgive
Each forsaken branch to sieve
Down into a particle state
Jesus said you don’t have to wait
But be all you are right now
I know what He means somehow
As everything gives way under my weight
And I am pulled into a higher state
Don’t have to face what is on my plate
Or let it go into fate
But be all I ought to know
It took some time for the years to show
But I am it and will go
Down the route to follow
Everything and all that is
It is true that I am His
And must say through the snow
I’ll be with you as the winds blow

Lead With His Pain

He lead with his pain
The king of I’m never doing that again
As he repeats henceforth
And then is full of remorse
But the moment is still as it passes
It’s about waking up from your lessons in classes
As you jot a note down
Then feel as if you’re gonna drown
In the ocean surrounding us all
And he seems weak though he never call
And the evenings are long though they’re not straight
And I leave it up to God or fate
As I climb a tree at fifteen
Take snapshots of who I could’ve been
And time has passed in a caress
And I wear jeans under my dress
To go trudging through the muck
And I gotta say I always gave a fuck
About you, about them, about him, about us
The windowpane is cracked but the trust
Still rests in steady arms
So turn off your alarms
And rest back into the resident peace
I watched the war in me cease
I listened as the noise fell quiet
Though the streets may be a riot
With all the summer rain
I’ll take the truth without a name
As it’s hampered on
But you know it’s not gone
As long as my heart steady beats
And long after the tide retreats
To leave a shore to smile
It’s forever in a long while
To go on singing your own tune
I feel them all in this room
As I touch my hand to my chest
It’s not only the dead who rest
As I let peace reign supreme
And get up from the couch as though from a dream

Arrowheads

Things are changing rapidly
But they’re also staying the same
Love seems to be
The name of the game
As we grow and garden plants
But from the sky we look like ants
And do you think that such a view
Can contain the heights of you
Or the depth of your soul
You don’t have to pay the toll
Of living in a body human
The cars pass by zooming
And I wonder if I could catch a glance
Would it move me like another chance
As we all spend the scene
Then call change a certain dream
Because we are meant to grow
Not torture each other, you know
And the weight of troubled times
Live with us like the crimes
We secretly commit
Or who we’re talking with
On the down low
I let it go, or don’t you know

Referring to the Past

Do I keep referring to the past
To find that which will outlast
The parting of the clouds in sky
And everybody knows that we all die
But it is mere surface tension
Or something I dare not mention
Lest they see the way I'm free
That I'm not hiding from Eternity
As each blade of grass sings the dawn
And it's only space that replaces what's gone
And you can find it if you look within
There is no definite form of Him
But something ineffable, it evades the touch
And I scream out "I love Him so much"
But no words can ever contain
What I speak aloud in vain
As I fail to ascertain
Exactly what I mean by rain 
In all the avenues and the shores
It is the Truth my heart adores


Photo by Azlan Baharudin on Unsplash.com

Secret Smiles

Corey’s eyes are like a jungle

He smiles, it’s like the radio

Taylor Swift
Darling, you’ve got stars in your eyes
And I’m full of existential whys
But you are the answer without reason
My safe space in open season
And I could cacophony the sound
But I always want you around
In the depths of my consciousness
In the moments we exist
Whether on the astral plane
Or in the summer as the clouds rain
And I throw back my head laughing with you
And it’s not just coz you want me to
There is a sense that together
Could be the place beyond the weather
And in these shoes that I’m walking
Is the memory of the two of us talking
Silent and sincere or open hearted
It’s like I asked and the oceans parted
And if we never come to be
Could you still realise what you mean to me
In oft tried second glances
Or just the air we breathe taking chances
Could you smile and let the light shine
For me just one more time
As you look absolute
The one place I’ve found truth
In the wisdom of our youth
Do you think it’s a just pursuit
Or are we just running away
Filled with things we cannot say
In silence spaces and in highs
You and I are not goodbyes

Man in Black

Depression takes everything you have, it’s a lot like death
And when it hits you you do not forget
Are forever changed, forever moved
And, dare I may say it, greatly improved
So can I be a spokesperson for the darkness within
It’s not all bad though I didn’t tell him
And I am sunlit because I know
night
Even more so than that, I know something is right
Cause they are both just opposing sides of a coin
Lesser and greater eventually join
Into one river that leads to the sea
I am so proud of who I’ve come to be
I feel mountainous when speaking to you
When you try to help me to talk it through
I just smile at your innocentness
To think you could undo the cause of my distress
Like you could unmake the blue of the sky
Like you could raise eyes and make them un-die
But what is seen can never be taken back
So for now, I’ll be the man in black
Til all of the colours bleed into the sink
I will be the absence that makes you think
And skip a beat when you see my peace
Fearless in the face of what will decease
Because this world is just building on snow
I am of another and that’s where I go
So don’t pity the rook that sits in the tree
Wild things have wings and know how to be free
Accepting their fate on the breeze as it comes
It called for me and I have succumbed
Don’t worry your mind into the grey
I was born to be this way
No, there’s nothing wrong as far as I can see
So thank you but I’ll pass on what you offer me
And you may never understand
But there’s a design consciousness has planned
I have grown to compassionately embrace
The canvas collection fear will deface
But love will multiply whatever you give her
You can’t blame the rocks for shaping the river

Soft Eyes and Open Heart

Am I really this invisible to you
I am red like fire but you are a dark blue
And I really wish you were the one that got away
But you gave birth to a love that was made to stay
And I know that you’re obsessed with everything female
And you loved the feeling of losing your chainmail
But just cause you aggregate the sum total of causes
Doesn’t give you accuracy in deciphering pauses
You point out my shallows where you are deep
Sometimes the silence holds more than I know how to speak
And if you judge a fish by its tree climbing strength
Then you’ll never be aware of where the genius went
As you relegate yourself in my eyes
To an outside chance who hop scotches in lies
But the main conclusion that you assume
Doesn’t even come close to what I felt in that room
And you throw aggrandisements like silky spider thread
And it kills me to think of who you take to bed
I know that’s intrusive and I’m not a perfect saint
But I fill in the blanks of the picture you paint
To be so possessive and controlling of my heart
I never thought I’d be the one to make a mark
Or a fine hit, I will assassinate
But I already met you and now it is too late
To be crashed and burned at the hamstrings of your feet
I don’t think they get me, you know they call me sweet
And you’re the only one who really ever understood
That I have a dark side and am not wholly good
At least in this respect as you dangle the bait
I grit my teeth like you do when you make me wait
As the forest and the trees, they all shout your name
I guess that you are right, I am not the same
As I was years ago but you didn’t like
What I offered so I had to make something right
And readjust the sails on the ship that I’m steering
I’m sad you don’t like the things that you’re hearing
As I try my best but it’s falling short
And you tell me so with no remorse
But the burden falls solely into your hands
And you may not like it but you’re the guardian of these lands
In a country that is free, in a garden green
I’m not fooled by the multitudes of people you’ve been
As you promise sanity and a well balanced life
But you hide your truth behind the trenches of a wife
To blockade the arms that are hunting you down
It’s not the same since you left the town
As I wander and I weary where we used to be
And you cultivate the anchorage that keeps you at sea
When all in a moment the silence grabs us both
We are neither sun nor sand, the ocean nor the coast
And fallibility will reign on my parade
I guess I’m just startled by all you put in the shade
With your elegant light and glowing finesse
I seek you out to ease my distress
As you softly imbue your quiet refuge
With a peace I will happily drown in to prove
My loyalty to all you stand for
I’ll take all you have and then some more
The subtlety of your sincere divination
We were both supposed to be at that station
But you never came, no you never arrived
I don’t really know how I survived
The blow that hit me coming in from the west
And I asked God if this was some kind of test
That never seems to end because I never have you
I hope she makes up for what I could never do
Lie out in the openness of unhindered stars
What you had lined up for me were prison bars
Even if you don’t see it I am more than a girl
To frame the picture you take of this world
And to be dressed up for the let down, you see
I knew it would come eventually
When I couldn’t live up to what you’d idealised
I am human and hurt that everything dies
Even you and you especially so
I am not here to keep you from where you want to go
You ask it of me to be ball and chain
But the sacred feminine runs in my veins
To be lifted up and glorified
You are no the lesser because you have tried
To be a man who honours what’s whole
We’re all innocent when it comes to our soul
And laid bare and genuine when it really comes down
To someone we love to be around
And I can feel the longing you ache
The dreams that you enter are the ones I forsake
To divine will, how could one person be
The purpose of life in his mortality
Ever second guessing steps I failed to take
I was looking in your eyes when I felt you shake
And all the world collapsed out from under me
I feel like I am falling but you say I am free
And you may be right but I wouldn’t think so
Still anywhere with you I would be prepared to go
But you watched me from the sidelines like an experiment
And you would push the pulse to see where the blood went
And I know you are gentle and the fragile breaks
But I couldn’t read your mind or preempt my mistakes
That were red flagging my appearance in your mind
As you considered what it would take to leave behind
The penny you picked up dirty from the dust
I don’t know if you felt it when I leaned into the trust
That you inspired by your gentility
Others may have held back but I lacked ability
To contain what was rising from somewhere deep within
Anything that he asks I will give to him
But what I am you already are
And you can’t see yourself even if you try hard
Cause a knife can’t cut itself with its own blade
And I can’t undo the mess that I made
Revolving my inner voice as you supermassive rocket
You can’t apprehend the reason that makes something of it
And my optic nerve leads directly to my brain
And all I can think of is a particular train
And I know that you are bitter in your anxiety
But this is not one sided and you could have talked to me
A delectable flower in the field you passed
But you were blindsided and I didn’t think to ask
What was troubling you as you make your headway
To a goalpost that surpasses what transpired that day
And I wished I could have touched you in the rain
But I owed one to death and you savoured pain
So I give you your due and let it take me
Thank you for the darkness bequeathed infinitely
As I smile at the sadness in your goodbye
I think that you mean it but I don’t know why

Never Walking Alone

I love you even if you hate me and I hate you too
I find I am lost in the smoke of this room
All the reasons and precisons I can’t stay around
But you grudgingly walk holy ground
As red as the fire when I breathe in the air
That circulates in the club when we were there
And moved to the music we can’t understand
The best nights we had are ones we hadn’t planned
Like out on the street to remixed Adele
I Someone Liked You and I did it so well
As Liverpool took us to unforeseen heights
And I crossed my fingers at your goodnights
That were too sparse for my reassurance
But your eyes are summer and you know how to do it
As you smile, I suspect it’s for some other
I’m not sure what you mean and look over my shoulder
But there’s no one there and I am stunned
Into the silence of the depths you have plumbed
Each day is a lesson in learning remorse
As I try to hold in what is building in force
And not skip the lines that crack your sidewalk
I just love to hear you talk
As you do so with an ease that belies
The blazing sincerity of truth your eyes
And all of the angels fall to the floor
Which do you pick up and which do you ignore?
All I know is I’d chase to bring you back
And be overcome when you look at me like that
Don’t die to the darkness that everyone fades
I never wanted you to go away
But if you must leave then do so in sun
And I will hold in my heart all that you have done
To not be alone me when we were together
You didn’t make much of it but I remember
You calling me to be part of the photograph
And you break my heart when you start to laugh
And crinkle the edges just at the corner
I am the girl who is caught and you didn’t warn her
And I can’t steal back the sheets you took
I don’t mean to reveal what you see when you look
In intentions that could never bear their own weight
I love you darling and that’s what I didn’t state

Surgery

It’s easier to just tell a lie
Than to disrupt you with the truth
Because you could never handle
The tremors that take root
And maybe it’s cause you notice
I’m not attached to this place
And I could as well let go
As look into your face
And I know you want to hold me
As I dangle precipice
But you don’t need to seek my fortune
As the source of your distress
Because we all hopscotch
Along the lines and the cracks
But just because you read the future
Doesn’t mean you can get it back
Or direct the wind
As it passes through your sails
And turns into the past
As your body fails
As all are due to do
Precluding interruption
By unseasonable forces
Or a dormant life eruption
But if it’s good enough for him
Then I do not complain
And what binds me to this place
Is just light playing on my name
And distracting eyes
From the obviously true
Cause if I’m mortally wounded
Then it follows so are you
And all that you strive for
To protect and attain
Won’t stay up in the clouds
But falls to earth as rain
And you can’t command the weather
Or unblue the sky
So don’t fear it when I speak
About what is born to die 

Photo Credit: http://pin.it/BhkRzez

Dangerous Lines

I am supposed to stop loving you
Just because you’re bound to someone else
I’ve never understood relationships
Just eternal love
Not the give and take of bargaining
Where everything must be repaid
And you must stand inside the rules
Because I have always had a wild heart
That loved with no remorse
Everything and everyone in its sight
Sought to befriend the world
And understand, where understanding could be
But I don’t understand this at all
The black wall of a blank ending
Like nothing ever was
And I’m left to re-evaluate
What was there all along
And my whole conception of the world
Cause you are where my stars revolve
And now the lines of something else dictate
Where I should place my feet
And if I should be near you at all
Even my proximity makes strangers unsure
And friends concerned for my safety
But I have never cared for safety
Only dangerous freedom that pulled me deep down into its depths
Like the look in your eyes when we first met

Silence and Virtue

Does it matter what I say when I mean nothing to you
And is it all just for attention when I do what I do
So should I just be silent and keep my heart in check
Because when you left I found myself a wreck
And had to rebuild what you had destroyed
And understand the methods that you had employed
To do such damage to an even keel
There was an ocean that was too much to feel
But I tried and I learned to right myself once more
Although there is no way that I can put back that floor
That once held me up, so solid and so true
And decimation now is what I am to you
As I fall into the darkness, into the endless of the stars
I find that the universe has no prison bars
And everything is for my growth, everything is for my healing
And there is nothing inside that you can go stealing
So I find that in truth my love will never die
Because it does not reside in you, it resides in I
And it is ever pure and celestially soul
I find that in this moment I am incandescent whole

Who You Are

There are days that age you
More than time ever can
Because in a moment
You see
All that you are
And are not
And you come to realise
In the revolution of a star
That the light you threw
Has gone out
And shines no longer
And then the darkness
The deep unenviable darkness
Seems all there ever is
And oblivion can never really be known
But there is an order to this universe
Amid all the chaos
That cannot be seen with human eyes
But can be felt with the heart
And points nowhere, neither up nor down
But back to the true source
Of everything
Where light and dark are merely concepts
In the power of who you are

Quantify

Did you ever find a love too much to quantify
When you love someone so much you’d be willing to die
For them, to them, from them in the extreme
When you’re walking on clouds because it is a dream
And then it all turns to thunder and rain
You can feel the pressure, you can feel the strain
And the water’s rolling down like teardrops from the sky
As you sit there on your own and you wonder why
But loving doesn’t have to be just release
It can be something that never does cease
It can be something that doesn’t make you cry
When you find that truth inside then there is no lie
And you can shelve your doubts and just confess
You love them still, you love them no less
Than having gone on your separate ways
There’s a part of my heart that never strays
From you, with you, to my dying day
The irrefutable does not go away

Facing the Dark

If I want to write you, I’ll have to write death
Because that is where you hide
It is where our lines intertwine
On the edge of permanence
On the edge of the unknowable
We never were simply lovers
Or starcrossed friends across the sky
We met at the close of day
And as the night draws in
I feel you near
As you sit somewhere
Under the same inevitability
With a beaming light to guide you
And thousands more to illuminate your world
Yes if I want to write you
I have to face the dark within myself
It is not bad
Only absolute