When gorgeous is few and far in between
And I catch a skyline in my gaze
If Superman had a vocation
It would be to save
And the stars all collide
Just to contest that they are alive
In a supernova storm
Nebulous against the norm
And pink as a candy crush cloud
Is it ok if I speak aloud
When I am so strange and purposeful
A life like this could never be dull
But it sure wrecks my head
And I wonder what she meant by what she said
I can believe you rolled her like a new cigarette
It’s something I can’t bear to forget
And I’m still daydreaming yet
Into the forest and out with regret
As we both subside into the moment
I don’t know about you but I think that I own it
And you have true colours but you haven’t shown it
You drown out the ocean as it’s grown
And I would’ve said yes but you’d never have known
In the audience of ill repute
Is it okay if I call you a flute
And play you like a magnet charm
In the midnight of no alarm
The graveyard shift
And I’m walking it alone
And I wonder if I should
Throw out my phone
Coz it only tells me tales
Of faraway lands
Of lasciviousness
And underhands
And I’m walking in New York City
And it’s been an age
Since I put pen to paper
On a page
To let out the rage
That spills effortless
They called me a woman in distress
But they don’t know me
They don’t spy the truth
I was twenty four
On the edge of youth
As I fight with the toil
Of an unholy brute
That breaks like waves
Upon the shore
How can I not
Want you anymore
It ain’t me
It’s the poetry
That wants you so bad
Enough to make a monument sad
In the ocean it rolls
But I ain’t paying tolls
For the road I use
Not just a book for you to peruse
As the library quakes
The fire burns and the ground shakes
Into the darkness I know so well
Do you think there’s such a thing as hell
Or is it all imagination
Pulling into Longford station
And have you turn away from me
Surf the Shannon like it’s a sea
And dream of eternity
With your arms laced around me
As forever beckons
But what do you reckon
Will we give it a go
But I think I already know
What you’re gonna say
But I put it out there anyway
Can death happen
Or is it just another ruse
An illusion designed to confuse
Us here on earth
We grow from the dirt
With the bodies we weave
And everything else is up our sleeve
In resident dread
I wake for God’s sake and deny him instead
My acceptance
Like the rejection
Could be anything to him
The pain just pushes me to go within
And find the source
Of grief that runs without remorse
Down the window pane
Is it gonna happen again
Or do I know
Now that I am letting it go
That no iron can strike
The open mic
That shouts my name
She left and nothing is the same
Stray I follow And her words are hollow Like the rings round her eyes Everything lives and dies And she can't shake the spectre That hides in the window So she finds love But it isn't in him though And the monsters don't drag Her out of the bed In the morning Do I wreck your head Or can you contain what I say I like you, is that okay But I don't agree with all you do Or how you justify it to you too And I'm down with all of the vibes You emulate And you call my bluff on fate But something weaves Its way in and out of thread I choose myself instead Of the same damn old fight Burning in the firelight And it's something serene Do I really crack the dream Open like an egg on the pan Does anyone know who I am Coz I think he did But then I hid And he bought the lie But I had to try To tell the truth But I'm just selling my youth And auctioning it to the highest bidder And the thoughts in my own head make me shiver With the terror of movement going And now the wind is snowing In the middle of spring Did I really give up everything Just to get to New York The road bends just beyond the fork And I can't choose Based on what I've left to lose I must be pulled though And it's the sight of you That's driving me on True Love isn't gone
The power of my voice
I speak and it’s not by choice
It’s like God has hold of my tongue
And I surrendered to Him when I was young
Now he commands more than I can believe
I let Him move me and it relieve
The pressure that’s been building
Up in my soul
Does a wave know it’s water
When it starts to roll
Only to crash back into the sea
Never really leaving the vicinity
Of ocean all the time
I thought I could call the people mine
But they turned on me and the desire
Burned in me like sulfurous fire
Always aching to reach out beyond
They lock me up and I abscond
Only to be returned to the same place again
The bathroom floor and me are great friends
And it is cool against my cheek
Do you remember that time I got weak
And collapsed in front of the class
I didn’t know the Revelation last
Now I’ve got vines pulling at my hands
I’ve got an hourglass and it’s slipping sand
But does God just turn it when the time runs out
So He can achieve without any doubt
And is there a way I can transcend
Something about the riverbend
And being open to what you don’t know
I held on so tight, now I let go
And the winter can’t stop me loving the snow
His hand connected with the wrong side of a blow
And I was felled just like a tree
Except it didn’t really happen to me
Just some grass in the forest
I don’t know what I’m doing, if I’m being honest
But the road is paved, the path is beaten
And I can’t avoid the moment I meet Him
There in the woods of ill repute
You wear a dress, I’ll play the flute
And music will last for the whole night
I look up and grin because I am alright
So I got locked up
For a crime I didn’t commit
And the doctors are in league
With the demons I’m dancing with
And they’ve got names
For my affliction
Like love and lust
Passion and addiction
And I can’t exist
Between the two poles
Do anything other
Than be completely whole
And I thought I could trust
In a fall away floor
So I stood still
And the trapdoor
Vanished
From under my feet
Now me and the darkness
Finally meet
In movements that reach
Across my bedroom floor
It’s not really
Less is more
More like a mystery
Than a conundrum
The wonder is that I
Can’t discover Him
Where he always was
Like light was put on pause
And the Saint I love
She talks about the distance
Between the God of peace
And the rest of existence
So I know I’m not really
On my own
Then it bursts to life
In true colours shown
Like the whole world was pulsing
With this desire
And the heart of the matter
Was a burning fire
That gives rise to lit in the tree
Like Moses says God is talking to me
And the Divine has its own language
It speaks in tongues
And I could translate them
When I was young
Now all of the words
Turn to a silent tone
Like the crackle of static
On the other end of the phone
There's a place for you here In a heart so warm Resilient enough To overcome the storm And the wind is knocking On my door every day But when I meet you There's nothing to say Coz you're clever, you're brash You're the epitome of suave There's no mountain to climb When you assuage My fears with the danger Of what you'll do today I know there's nothing in the world That I can say That will stop you from heaving The weight of the sea But there was a moment You were just there with me In the ashes, in the fire In the brave, in the free You can call it forever Or just destiny But you match my endeavour Like a hidden ring And I know if you asked I'd give up everything To be the summer In your glass of wine Would it be okay If I called you mine?
It’s that time of the season
And I just wanna cry without reason
And listen to Taylor
That summer sunshine sailor
Coz she sings the female strife like no one else
And she does some good to my psychic health
As we both swing into our mid thirties slowing
It’s an uphill climb but it’s downhill we’re going
And the pain in my soul or in the pit of my stomach
Reminds me what it is to be woman
And I wonder if I’ll ever have kids
And if I do would they be his
And if the pain would magnify
As love gives birth to what will die
And I can’t escape the monumental
The infinite in the evidential
To succumb to the passing of time
Warm my hands by the hearth of fine
As we get by on what we don’t know
And I loved you so I let you go
But you keep returning to my mind
To let me know what I left behind
And I clutch the emptiness inside
But it will not let me hide
From all it means to release
A form of trauma that doesn’t cease
To wake up to the break of day
I look down and it’s okay
The sound of defeat as he chooses another lady
And I dunno but I think that she hates me
For intruding on their sacred space
But he was a drug I loved to taste
And the hit was high
And it’s so hard to say goodbye
Like it’s a final sort of end
Or worse maybe we’re still friends
And he could call me pal
But I’m not a second best sort of gal
I’d rather cut my losses and run
Find something else that shines the sun
And who knows, maybe it’s not a man
Maybe there’s no limit to what I can
Do
It’s just not you
And I turn on the radio and it’s a Sony
Listening to that guy that’s lonely
And maybe I’ll meet him in Blue Note
Give him letters that he can quote
Like before
When he beat a path to my door
Only for me to fly
And the year the whole world threatened to die
In a storming cavalcade
Is it a fate we can evade
Or is it an absolute rest
We get the day before the test
Are we all just slowly burning fuses
And I dance in the garden with all the muses
But they never seem to inspire me
They just tire of me
As I sing the same old tune
The feel of you being in the room
When it all went down
Now you’ve got the crown
And they could call you king or god
But you’re not the name I call when I need the Lord
The one who never fails to show
He picks up what you let go
What you saw as infantile
Just makes my Jesus smile
And I was in the undergrowth
When he saw me start to slow
And he grabbed my hand
Showed me how he understand
All of my multiplicity
Never calling fake on me
Just chameleon to fit the shape
Of what I need to escape
The rotary burn of the wheel
That crushes how the people feel
With their own doing nice
And old age doesn’t come twice
If it’s what you need
And we all bleed
So there’s no need to cut
What you fear in another’s shut
Door to your open green
Don’t you see that life’s a scene
Playing out on the screen of us
So I open up my closed heart and trust
And it’s a white knuckle ride, my boy
You were a sort of joy
I found on Twitter
Do I just end up bitter
Coz I never had what you say
Is pertinent in the going away
That we’ve all been through
There’s nothing like the magic of you
Looking at him
And I cannot win
Coz he commands the deck
And is a head wreck
As I try to emerge from my cocoon
But the flavour of him is in the room
And I try to run but I cannot escape
Do you remember when Superman had a red cape
And couldn’t see through lead
Kryptonite and you’d leave him for dead
For all his muscle memory
He hasn’t got the best of me
Coz I’m no Lana Lang
One of the girls who also ran
I’ve got my own flair and kick
Do you know what you’re dealing with
As they try to tear me to shreds
For what the people do in beds
And I fight my way out with storm and grit
Go ahead and call me a bitch
For failing to reply to your text
But do you know what scene is next
In the brimming full of Diagonal Alley
I’m on the land overlooking the valley
And I can’t stand the facetiousness
Of the person they think they address
When they hurl their words at me
Who do you think you free
When you’re all about captivity
And holding me back
Then the weather attack
The spacious air
I should know coz I was there
When it all went down
Now it’s just the past and the sound
Of tomorrow’s bells won’t ring in this city
And you could say it’s a pity
But it wasn’t so sad when you were staring down
The woman you love in a white gown
Like it was something you could fake
I hear it in the sharp intake
Of breath that you breathe
That’s life, they say, but it’s the life I need
Stuck in ‘08
It was my date with fate
As it led me to your door
Did you want me more
More than I can attest
And we’re both fully dressed
But I feel your eyes rake over me
Like we’re naked with destiny
Just us and the come what may
And you fill up the gaps in what I cannot say
But it’s subterfuge and we’re resting in hiding
But there’s something of love that is all abiding
Now you’re sharing your soul with someone else
With skin so thin you could make a heart melt
With the fire that burns off you
It seared a part of me too
And I can’t change the fact of you
I’m not the same and neither are you
But we both kinda are
Like the atoms forged in a star
Or the matter that make time and space
Bend the equivalent of the human race
To the tune of light refract
I never said no but I still want you back
Standing outside my window
It’s true there were days that I looked at him, though
And I cannot deny my feelings were real
With the depth of the red that he deal
An ace of hearts
And mine almost starts
To beat double time
He was the essence of fine
As he’d crack a smile in my direction
Like he’s open to cards if I make selection
And he lives just across the hall
And he kinda caught the ball
When I threw it at him
Is it a decision I cannot win
Coz I love them all
The truth in my own freefall
I've got a house by the coast And I'd like you to live in it with me I know we've had our differences But would you just forgive me Coz you're like the rain Thundering on the roof You're like the love The myth and the proof And I've seen so long The years of doing it so wrong And you're over there But you've got to know that I still care As her lashes weave Everything you might believe Up the edges of your sleeve Like the heart you keep on lock or leave And I hold it so tight Because you are alright You know, And I go And seek the forest in the trees It's not everyone that believes But somewhere in the sidelines I know that you do I've got a home for us Well, for me and you Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/okVXy9tG3KY?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditShareLink
It’s threadbare, the stitching of us
We’re nothing if not broken trust
Coz you swallowed the bullet I handed to you
You stitched the thread and pulled it through
And the chandelier shatters on the floor
How could I hate what I adore
As he drives a splinter into my soul
And it’s just a memory, the being whole
Coz it cascaded
And the beauty faded
Into a midnight of ill repute
And there’s that picture of him in a suit
But he moved on, he forgot me
It’s like a rope and the fibres knot me
Into a thread I long to fray
Is everything thing okay?
But he turns away and the darkness reigns
The years of doing things in vain
And trying to get back to the level playing field
I watched them sway in the wind and yield
Down by the lake
And do you know what love forsake
When it took him from me
Like the ocean to the sea
In wondrous tones
I always end up alone
Though I’ve got friends and I’ve got family
But in the dead of night there isn’t any way
You can avoid the dark
Just waiting for that holy spark
To light the fuse
Why did you think you were something I could use?
Maybe it was the song
And d’ya know, you weren’t wrong
It’s the show and you’re invited
I know life is tough but you shouldn’t fight it
Coz resistance just builds more pain
And you have to relive it over again
But can I just let it go
Coz she decimated me, you know
With one little flick of the wrist
Knife in the back like it’s something to twist
And I watched as it faded
I’m anything but jaded
Coz I sing for all too well
But holding your head up when you’re in hell
Is harder than I could contemplate
And there’s something of me still left in that state
Coz I never got over her disregard
It was born with the glass shard
As something smashed the window
Do I let him in, though
Coz he’s enticing, he’s warm and kind
And he fills the hole that she left behind
And I’m clasping pieces of the jigsaw shattered
Trying to fit them into something battered
But I woke up to the untouched
It’s not another dimension as such
But weaves and intertwined
Into what once was blind
Just blind hope
Something to hold onto and cope
But it broke into a new dawn
Sun shining where the love was gone
I thought the great big ocean would find me
But it’s always been just the tide
Counting the beats of my step
To the heart that keeps me alive
And the summers in the city
Where I counted my blessing
He asked me if I was serious
I said shur I’m only messing
And the wild within me got unlocked
Like a fabled Pandora’s box
All the crucible to fly
Is to live to know how to die
Coz we’re born with these bodies
We don’t know how to use
Then we get attached
To something we lose
And every breath is a tear
With a fragrance of flower
But people are reckless
When they have power
And moan and shine and wither and break
Then tell you they do it for your sake
But it could never tally up
Not when you call it love
And I had a bite of the unconditional
Now I move and walk and it’s not volitional
Coz she spilt the beans on me
Now every secret’s flying free
And a demolishment has been rendered
In the space my hope engendered
It cascaded tears
Now I measure the war in years
That I’ve been through
And I blame you
For all the absent meanders
I don’t have all the answers
But can I learn to be a little less jaded
The pain’s the same but the scars have faded
And I only give leave for a moment to be
The epitome of running free
I hear the bullet ricochet
As you utter truth
I’d say I love you
But you’re such a brute
To give and leave and take away
All that had come to stay
With me for all of time
You say that the fault is mine
But I hear the chime
Of wind bells on the porch
I know I seem out of sorts
But it’s just dealing with the loss of you
And the trauma of what you put me through
Just to prove that you were right
You rained Heaven onto a darkened night
And I’m still living by candlelight
Since the power cut
I don’t think I’m in a rut
It’s just no one sees me clear
And, God knows, I hold you dear
But there’s too much storm in the air
So I high tailed it outta there
And now you’re mad as hell
But I never tell
You what I really feel
Coz I know you cannot deal
With the intense focus of my desire
And you may be all fire
But I am wind and air
And it blew you away, me being there
And I laugh and you deny
That I ever made you cry
But sometimes tears fall like rain
I know I’ll see you again
Letting go of what he did to me
Letting go of what she said
Letting go of the nightmares
That haunt me troubled in bed
Coz I’m living untethered
I’m a wildebeest at heart
And all I seem to know how to do
Is make my pain into art
And I paint my own canvas
I love the glorious white
But the colours of rainbow
Make the fire in me ignite
And I throw in some earphones
It’s punk rock and emo lite
I nod to the folks you asked
If I was alright
And I’ve got fury
Burning a candle
Maybe I’m just too hot to handle
But I’m an Aries and my planet Mars
Rules the conduct in the passing of stars
And you’ll never be able to touch
What is beyond your reach
I didn’t come here for students
I’m not one who has to teach
To live my own compass point
It’s been years since the Love anoint
Me with its holy Chrism
I try to get away but it seems the answer is Him
And He brushes my hair out of my face
Looks down from Heaven and gives me a taste
Of what it must be like to live in the realm
Where God is a friend and Truth is at the helm
In the midnight of another sorrow
I get by on daydreams and the light I borrow
From the sun that gives me life
Seems the setting shade gives you twice
The morning on replay
It’s always bright at the break of day
She’s got it on lock
The dark she is not
She’s stellar, she’s a star
And I wonder what you are
As we fight to keep our heads above water
Swimming in currents that aim for caught her
As we span the ocean in a gaze
I wonder how many people she’s saved
As she throws a glance like a dagger across the room
And I dunno how to work the zoom
Function on my camera
But I just tie my bandana
Red around my head
And there have been so many left dead
By the dark side of the human psyche
I keep wondering what it is that ignite me
So I can burn like a fire in the hearts of men
Is it going to happen again
Or have we turned a corner on life on earth
Is there depth to transcend the hurt
Or will the storm come to rage once more
I knock a rap upon the door
Coz I have to be let in
I know that there’s something there in him
That can spin a dial so right
I walk by the light
In your window
Is it a sin though
To see what’s really beating a heart
If we abdicate do we take part
In the slow drive to floor
The ground that crashes to meet us, a stór
Or can stars hold space
For us as we lay waste
To all we’ve known
Have the people grown
Up and out of a tendency
But I feel the collective pull at me
To get me to identify
But I can’t let the children cry
For what we’ve done to them and us
Is it a mirror of broken trust
That we catch ourselves upon
We’re going down but love isn’t gone
Not yet or forever
Can we be the sky that knows the weather
That spins a chrysalis
As a diamond kiss
The pressure that we’ve known thus far
I feel like we can only drive this car
A certain length down the road
Has our maturity showed
As we stand up to the shelter
I close my eyes coz this is a belter
Incognito window, I’m under the radar
I don’t know about the force or Darth Vadar
But I know that I can make planets spin
With the love that’s inside and the peace within
And it’s all blowing leaves off the trees
There are no words for the wonder it frees
When the weight just drops
The what you are’s in the space the love’s got
And I am not a mountain but I am not hill
I can move power with the strength of will
And she never helped me out
But I guess that’s just the space in doubt
To be forgotten or held so close
Do you see through what I love the most
Or must I just let it die
Not be afraid to spill tears and cry
Over what is yet to come
And a woman takes away the man’s son
What can you do but acquiesce
The movement’s in the way you dress
And shoulder weight like diamond mines
I’d let it go coz it’s fine
In the sunshine and the rain
I don’t think that I can do this again
So I relinquish the right to be wrong
And open heart into a song
To make it alright again
I give up on the world you spin
The sound of you
Has echoed through these halls
And it’s bringing down barriers
And cavernous walls
Until all is a grand open space
With not one instant of my time gone to waste
And I hit pause in 2011
All because the sound of Heaven
Was just too damn real
And you’re not the boy I want to steal
Away with into the night
But you came close to it, alright
And I spill ink on the canvas I draw
I’m like the cold witch and my bones start to thaw
In the sunlight you bequeath
And I guess I’m embarrassed so I stare at my feet
But you turn my face upward with your palm
You look at me and I am calm
I’m the storm that surround
You are worth the way it resounds
And leaves me feeling like friend is ancient
I’m an artist and I try to paint it
But it never lives up to what you are
A feeble try to condense a star
Into matter and fusion
But it was just confusion
To say I don’t love you so
And I just want you to know
That you crack the glass with your smile
And I dream of you for a little while
But it is real as can be
I took the biscuit but just dip it in tea
Muddy shoes walk all over my floor
As I proclaim it’s a man that I adore
And it could be Christ the King
Or the boy with a broken wing
All I know is that the stars announce
The girl I was, the one that you denounce
As I place one foot in front of another
Never knew what it was like to have a brother
Who watches my back
Just a girl and the attack
Was launched on me
Fifteen years and I’m still not free
Of what she inflicted
And don’t worry, you haven’t dicked it
It just I carry the scar that hurts
I blame you for it and what’s worse
Is that I make myself suffer for what never was
I don’t know gravity because
When I was brought down to earth
I was in open space and the dirt
Is evidence on my coat
That I met a Holy Ghost
The fear of missing out
Haunts my sideboard
Coz nothing’s enough
I swear on the word
That I utter
Under my breath
I’m on my way
But I’m not there yet
And everything glistens
Like sunny snow
Out of my reach
But don’t you know
It’s closer than it was
And I didn’t break any laws
When I wished you down
I tore the tatters on my gown
Into the shape of a badass queen
What if this is just a dream
That is happening in consciousness
Do you trust
In the powers that be
Is it ok or will we see
What is coming down the line
There was that moment you stopped time
And I was taken by an intake of breath
It’s sharp and I cannot forget
It’s impact on my soul
I keep catching glimpses of being whole
I dunno if it would be a sin
But I would like to make sweet love with Fin
It’s in his eyes and it’s in his hair
It’s in his way of just being there
And answering me when I ask a question
Though I may be prone to suggestion
When he drops a line on my telephone
And I can feel that I’m not alone
In this world we call suffering and plight
But I think it just might be alright
As a new day dawns and succumbs
To the growing up when you are youngs
Or as the girl says as she drums
Her breath against the walls of her lungs
It it just like I thought it would be
Like you’re an ocean and I love the sea
To be tranquil and to be still
I’ve overcome hate but it wasn’t with will
It was with the simple joy of the act
And they way you trust when there’s no turning back
In a pair of hands he just held out
Like you’re the beauty I hate to doubt
But I do coz everything’s thin
But I’m full of peace when I’m with him
Like he came to me to be my savior
Like the bar and he knew how to raise her
Up from where she lay askance
And suddenly this life’s a beautiful dance
That has all atoms singing in motion
No neighbors to say it’s just commotion
But a heavenly chorus unto the dawn
One minute it’s there and the next it’s gone
But there’s something steady in all the rubble
And you speak to me from beyond the trouble
To a place safe and warm
Like we have weathered the worst of the storm
In being together when the night
Closes in and we have to fight
Even to breathe into the sky
People come and go and then they die
As everything reborn renews
And I forget to pay my dues
Coz I just can’t be bothered with anything sunny
I know you’re laughing but it isn’t funny
How I got into this state
From Armageddon to irate
To all is quiet on the western front
Til he takes a bite and chews the brunt
Of the worst of it all
I held out my hand and you’re my freefall
It’s so easy to see it in someone else
So hard to manage my mental health
Coz I feel the tightrope laid out for walking
People have their opinions but they’re just talking
As I balance on a line I pray won’t fray
Coz I’ve lost seasons to the going away
And somewhere in the weather a monumental tome
Whispers to me, so soothe me, you’re not alone
And I crack like an egg at the edge of the bowl
Searching for a reason to make me whole
And she’s got it like atoms bound together so tight
Quark an oblivion into the night
And it’s some days on Monday’s I just like to run
Up the hill and down coz baby it’s fun
As I feel my limbs unloosen like rain
As if the release is coming again
And I hid in the tree up on a branch
If I lived in Texas I would own a ranch
To let animals roam free without care
If you think to cross me, baby, don’t dare
Coz I’m dynamite and you sit on the fuse
Crackling amber like there’s nothing to lose
And the sparks that you make warm me and threaten
To let loose all the eons I’ve spent regretting
The time that has passed or didn’t so
You hurt me so deeply so I let you go
But I’m always wanting to see you again
I get lost in the rouge of the colour of men
Coz they’re so fly it’s near as they open their eyes
Like winds blowing doors to adjacent surprise
And it was nothing but all up in the air
When he said hello and I knew he was there
As I faltered a goodbye or a maybe someday
But I let him in and it’s not going away
Though we both slam shut to a degree
And I’d be the more likely down on one knee
As the rivers race oceans to get to the shore
Absence is fondness and I love him more
For all of the ways we can’t be together
I look up at the sky and say, hey man, that’s weather
Taking my meds with a glass of brandy
And I dunno man I’m just taking it handy
And that’s not any kind of recommendation
But I’m sipping gin and the tv station
Sings of a land I don’t understand
Partner track and the underhand
But I’m lazy and I’m catching flies
Why is it everything that’s born dies
And why must I be protected from the realisation
That inner being is elation
And it’s not any kind of ruse
You could say that it’s soul food
To eat like the point you prove
Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes
Instead of run from where you are
You’re shining, you fuckin star
The battlestorm rages outside my window
I do not aim to let it in though
It shatters the windows and shakes down the hall
Like I’m running in a free for all
And is it just ego, this creation I’ve made
Not for the saving but salvation be saved
From the minute and limited form
What does it take to keep the world warm
And are we all just spiraling in our creation
I get up from the wound in my education
To stand up tall just as I am
And the man says that there is no plan
I’ll be the clarion call
To let the demons out
The things that people suffer under
The fear, my dear, self doubt
And they locked me up in ashes
But I still was free
Coz even though they do their best
They can’t get the best of me
And the clock ticked, did it go back
Am I getting enough of slumber
And but for the men I loved
I woulda been just a number
In that place where the halls have eyes
And everyone walks tiptoe
It’s eggshells we’re treading on
So that you might not know
And I had a bed and my own room
It was number sixteen
And I’ve been dealing with this kind of shit
Since I realized the dream
As I hop on a hopscotch
Afraid to cross the line
Is there a difference between being here
And doing hard time
And I hid out in the activity room
Rifling through a storm
I hope they might not find me
That’s how I kept the candle warm
But they did and told me so
There was a place to greet
But I’m moving dough with my hands
Can’t make it move my feet
And the third time I was in there Barry called my name
He asked if he could speak to me, if it was all the same
But he was laughing sideways
Out of the corner of his mouth
He thinks that he might have a clue
As to what I’m all about
And, God love him, he was precious
But he set the dial to spin
So I called the shots and called it off
Walked out of the room with him
And, the laughter, it was breaking like a wave upon the shore
I left the card on my desk so that it might love me more
And my sides they’d split with Aoibhínn coz she was such a hoot
She talked me out of dangerously quiet as I stood mute
And I drew an eye on the wall in the smoking room
It was a lot more like freedom than it was the bells of doom
And they only scrubbed it out a year later and I see
There was a part of them that loved a part of me
Or with a certain fondness I recall what they say
It’s not the present moment but you will be okay
So I crumpled up the paper and threw it in the bin
Conceded defeat coz you know I cannot win
And the monuments of time will fall beneath the sea
But there’s something eternal that beats the heart of me
And I can’t put my finger on it or tell you what it is
Only suffice to say that being born is not to live
Beyond the realms of death
In the halls that I vacate
I think they had me wrong
Coz I love the thing they hate
And summon up a showstorm
In the dead of the night
The sun that is within me
Can’t help but be bright
As all I ever am
And all I’ll ever be
I can’t bring myself to regret
That I asked you to dance with me
Shadow work I wade through the dirt That rises in our wake The sandstorm is so hard to shake And I filter it down to something simple You pop it like a pimple Coz we are One But we are two Some Advaita To soothe you Into a lull where you will listen To my hands as the snowdrops glisten On your skin like stone Where's twilight when it's at home But we're no creature and his prey We're fighting just to get through the day With our wands and magic paper You said goodbye and I, see you later And will tomorrow be too soon For us to share a room Coz you move me with a stare I didn't look but I knew you were there I could just sense it in the stance Of a heart which started to dance At the mere sight of my form And I feel my cheeks get warm Knowing that you're just inches away Are there words to make you stay Or is everything all up in the air All I know is that you were there And so was I I feel the moment start to die As a grim realisation overcomes And my charm just succumbs To some preordained reality I never claimed infallibility Just that I'm here to stay And stay in love with you too, okay?
One of us comes The other one goes I wear the pants He just knows And we found love Where it can dance Did you take a breath Or a second chance On the money Or off the floor What is it about love That we adore Coz you're summer I'm winter We're a cyclical thing And I know it's real When I hear the bell ring And we lift off The ground is below The air is free But do you go When I open my heart And pour out my wounds I didn't think the end Would come so soon And you're looking past me Into the sky What's it about love That will neither live nor die
I was something
And I could see
A new and different version of me
And it’s come to pass
That I have come to ace the class
Of transformation
Coz they flick the tv station
But the score
Is always I want more
Than what is
But I am His
And I found in life
A reflection of his beauty
In a man and it’s my duty
To explain that I
See through the body that die
Into the effortless supreme
I gasped and it woke the dream
He’s gotta be cool and he’s gotta be sweet
And it’s gotta be fireworks the day that we meet
It’s gotta be sunshine, it’s gotta be rain
And it’s gotta be turmoil not seeing him again
And what if the person I describe is you
I wonder would you describe me too
If you could put pen to write out a list
Second guess what I dismissed
As only passing, temporary, soul
But it’s like making music at the Super Bowl
There’s a crowd there that will cheer
And far away seems so near
When you are so close
Temporal as a Holy Ghost
To reach up and touch
The man I love so much
I had feelings for you back in the day
But then I just used you to explain Darragh away
And he’s the secret that I’ve been keeping
The magnificent dragon quietly sleeping
In the recesses of my soul
Is there a together in the growing old
Where we can both warm our hands by the hearth
Find our own way in the dark
As he speaks to me
Weaving a thread on the tapestry
To paint the picture of us
And we’ve always had trust
Why did you hide your face
So I couldn’t keep you in place
Where you were
Let you run off with an adjacent her
In the winter of my life
Moored in strife
As the cavalry came
To take all but my name from me
Then suddenly starshot in the oblivion
I saw a remnant of what I’d been living in
A moment of truth
And I can’t claim the auspices of youth
Anymore
Is that you at my door?
Well, for God’s sake come in!
You’ll catch your death if you’re waiting for him
Am I about to dive into the rabbithole scene
I haven’t felt love like this since it was just a dream
And his words are fuckin’ insane
But I still remember his name
And the way his hair curls around in locks
The way he walks a palace that time forgot
And shows me in mornings what’s up for the day
At least that’s what she said when I asked her, okay?
And you know in the quiet what’s left to be said
You’re always making your home where you lay your head
And find something honest and real and true
That was just with them and now it’s with you
In the maybes you ache as you shout a refrain
I love the hope of you and I walked through the rain
To be the storm centre, the very eye
Take care of yourself and make sure you don’t die
At least for another fifty or so years
Make art out of pain when the canvas is tears
And look up to the heavens when the sky clears
I drink one to you when I’m having my beers
I’ll laugh out loud and simply guffaw
When I’m running from stares and the vacancy law
That seems to hold court and company
I don’t know about you but I’m down on one knee
Professing my love to the moon and stars
Do you remember the days when it was prison bars
And nothing meant anything to anyone you know
Now you wave at me as I watch you go
With the train that has taken you from the station
I guess congrats are in order for the celebration
Of all you have earned that is duly yours
And I know you could say that this is all words
When I never make it out of the snowstorm that snaps
Full of whodunnits and who gives a craps
And at least if I’m honest I’ll say this to you
You gave perfect a spin now the ancient is new
Now the midnight is dawn and all the renew
You cut fabric in strips out of jeans that are blue
So you’ve something to wear when the darkness escapes
And teach me the truth that not all heroes wear capes
Death, looming like a great paragon on the horizon
I don’t know what to take a side on
But I know I can’t stay on the fence
Or civilization will be in the past tense
As we see the aching Colosseum stand for war
But it crumbles in the end because of what it’s for
And we hear the machine gun roll
But they can’t kill the soul
And it will come round to embrace
The very worst of the human race
Til we’re all tended like wheat in the field
The wind shakes the barley and it yield
To the power of peace and benevolence
As we watch the rhythm dance
Like a song across the grass
The only truth in my life is that Love last
And in the oceans that span a sea
There’s a depth to you and me
That no wonder can contain
Let’s wake without the pain
To prompt us to stir
Do you even know what we were
As we wear that t-shirt too
I was born in the moment I met You
There’s a new thing brewing
But can it keep its head
Cause the parapet is raised
And so many people lie dead
But I climb up the rock
There’s a world of things that I am not
As the sun in the sky
Shines over the seas as they go by
And it’s hopping over there
On the Western front and I care
About how it all goes down
I left half my heart in that town
And now I go back
Before the attack
In shoes that I can walk
What does it take to see through the talk
Into what is true
Is there any way I can save you
From your fate
The demolition that lies in wait
I shake the dust off my shoulders
I’m like Icarus chasing boulders
That have no business in that myth
But the world is chomping at the bit
And this is just a dragon I dance with
In my hope for a new born truth
A time beyond the confines of youth
As we let the shackles drop
What does it take for one person to say stop
And breathe
What do the people need
Can we shift the scene
Out of this nightmarish dream
I know no one who can say
That everything is okay
When we just let it crumple
If there’s lightning then thunder will rumble
I don’t want to start a fight
I don’t wannna take aim
It’s just I catch my breath
When I see her name
Next to yours instead of mine
It walks over me like a thousand times
And I know she’s real nice but I would wait
Until you trace the hands of fate
And saw it bring you to my side
In your presence I’m alive
And soaring like a bird in flight
And I know you might be alright
But I’m nothing without you my sweetest babe
I don’t even have the room to save
Myself from the gnashing of teeth
I think I’m stranded on the beach
Waiting for my ship to come in
And don’t you know it’s always Him
No matter what is said to deter
And I just wish the best for her
Because she kept you close when times were tough
And my excuse is simply not enough
And I know I was away
And you would always say
You wanted someone
And being too young
Is no reason to protest
I looked away, you did the rest
As the cymbal clattered to the floor
And I’ve never wanted anything more
Than I want you now
But I gotta give space to allow
You to have your breathing room
I loved you too late after too soon
Coz you stride across the hill
I look up and still
I see you standing there
With the wind in your hair
And your magnitude
Just a really cool dude
To open my eyes into
I know it’s not enough that you
Loved me then before I let you go
I’m writing this so you know
That your soul has a place beside the embers I warm
And you can chill by the heat of the storm
And I know it’s really bad form
To tell you this now when true love has been born
And I see you with her
And what we were
Is just echoes now in my mind
As I’m sad over what I’ve left behind
And you say it’s gone
But I can hear it in that song
You play when you think nobody cares
But I look through it all with devil may cares
And your silhouette
Is not something I could ever forget
As the stars
Make magical music out of the bars
That hold me in
If only I could get to him
But it’s a futile shot
He only sees all that I’m not
Nor could be
I amn’t she
And we
Eternity
Could never refresh
The page easily
As a new sky dawns
And our youth is almost nearly gone
Eaten up by time
Like the melody you sang with the line
When you didn’t know
That you are everywhere I go
In college days
I find you there in so many ways
Just a glance
A laugh, a second chance
The fear
The feeling you close as though you are near
In the library
But you’re kissing her beside me
I just don’t see
Til now, at least, an infinity
And, love, will you ever know
That I stared at you headlong until I go
Back to your door
Rap a knock like a mini score
But you adore
The Goddess you found by the shore
And I know
Though I implore
Everything’s settled on the ground floor
And foundations deep
Underlie all that you intend to keep
And just a day
A million light years away
Can’t convince
You to change your mind since
I showed up
I don’t even know if you could call this love
It’s just you’re everything I’m thinking of
And the sky
Holds nothing to the blue of your eye
Black hole deep
Full of the light that it will keep
From a million stars that throw away
Their beams to your frame as you walk away
And I
Will love you like this til the day that I die
And cry
That we never got to be
As he takes the role of the quintessential he
Of my dreams
I know it’s not all that it seems
And I’m not Einstein
But would I be a fool to call you mine
In another dimension
One without all the surface tension
And suspense
We climbed out of both of our tents
Never knowing what’s in store
Where the zip on the line made way for a door
And you, effervescent you, just laugh
You don’t do things by half
Do you
And if it means that much to
You I will love her too
Celebrate the days of you
Two down in the park
Before I even knew that we start
Oh, the longing to be
Somewhere near your soliloquy
But it just rhymes somewhere in the distance
And I give up on the resistance
And allow
You to live your own life somehow
Just know
I love you deep like the mountain of snow
That rolls down avalanche cloud
My voice is shaking but I say it out loud
And the words don’t make sense and you’re shouting at me
Something about nothing and our history
And the lines blur
You were always with her
In the years
And the tears
And you see
This, you and I, and Infinity
I spent my youth fearing old age
Now I’m finally flipping the page
And finding out that the aforementioned
Is really not in this dimension
Because I extend out
Far beyond the realms of doubt
To the furnace roar and the circumstance
Do you know the electrons dance
In perpetual motion
And nothing can replace devotion
In the furthering of things
And a million rings
Cannot make me replace
The love that I came here to taste
And just drink in
It wasn’t just with him
But everyone
Everyone the immaculate Son
Of Destiny
Do you think he thinks of me
With his hand on the trigger
A rifle to fire
But love’s not down low
But somewhere higher
To take in the vista
And one can only say “I missed ya”
If you believe the lie
People we love cannot die
But fly
On immutable wings
And everything in creation sings
Of its unborn nature
My love, I could never hate ya
I go down and come back up
As cyclical as the sun to rise
I’m never lost in rainy weather
But it’s under blue skies
Coz summer comes and summer goes
The seasons change but, God knows,
It’s something that remains the same
It does not go by any name
Nor is it bought by any man
A bough holds its weight because it can
And I see you
In the waves of us two
To delineate
Something beyond the hate
That has us swinging vines
Like ten thousand times
A Tarzan in the air
But, my love, you care
I can see it in the avenues
The aching arches of the blues
You sing to me late at night
And I walk on a rope that’s tight
Across a cavern steep
Do you know how to go to sleep
When the light goes out
Oh, forget it, just kiss my mouth
And we can be as lovers are
In union, poles of a star
Celestial in its defeat
What happenstance made us meet
Or preordination
The destination
Of education
At the summit of the pillar
Just so you know you didn’t kill her
Just made a dent in the facade
Grew up through realms of feeling bad
Wry consternation
You’re on the box so I flip the station
Onto some other tune
Nevertheless you’re in the room
Calling soul
What’s a ball to do but roll
Down an ungainly hill
You call but I never will
Attempt to explain all you engender
When you say you don’t remember
What we were
And that it’s the same with her
Is this bitterness
Or envy in its undress
To lay a claim
On someone else’s surname
What’s a girl to do
I let it go and so do you
Til we’ve nothing left to leave
What you are I can’t believe
Looking for salvation in the stars
It’s like trying to round some prison bars
As they, adjacent, keep a defense
Til you’re hands and knees in the present tense
And do I confess
My wilderness and impress
Some secret subtlety afar
Oh, the world, how near you are
When you just take a glance
At the vulnerable in my stance
And I wish away
Tomorrow another yesterday
Don’t you see
That you were the ocean to me
And the sea at night
Oh, how it glitters in the moonlight
To reflect your face
Now forever is without a trace
Gone from these hands
I’m on the shore just pacing sand
As you glide effortlessly along another terrain
Have all my past lives been in vain
To bring me to this
A pair of lips that death might kiss
Someday or will
The power of life to kill
All that it breathes air into
And consciousness is quintessentially you
So you can’t lose it
But did I choose it
This marching band
There’s nothing I have really planned
Coz all falls away
And what you leave til another day
Gets left behind
They say I am out of my mind
But I think they’re wrong
I’m too deep in it and that’s my song
Can I hold the tune
I did when you walked in the room
And my heart hammered against my chest
The depth of wisdom that I invest
In you to be all you claim
Now it’s been years and you’re just a name
I click into
Tell me did I ever reach you
Or was it all just empty talk
The way you hold yourself when you walk
Like you’ve been punched
Something hits you and I can feel the crunch
As you double over side to side
But hell if I know you’re still alive
And kicking me somewhere under the seat
Why did heaven have us meet
If it was just to part
And you are the king of my heart
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I can’t be ruled by the threatening stone
A world with me in it all alone
As I get by on each step I take
Dreaming of ways that you might wake
And it’s never on a Sunday when I’m at my brightest
Like water as vapor it still takes the lightest
Voice in the room rise to the sound
And it’s been so long you haven’t been around
And I’ve been getting by
And I really try
To shine but it’s getting dimmer
Each time they repeat that love is a sinner
And I try to hold on to the sword as it stays
Embedded in ice as the music plays
And we rise like a forest out of the ground
Hear winter call like it’s just a sound
As the monument tome to all we once were
Is reimagined one moment with her
And I’ve spent so long trying to gain traction
Then I’m overruled by one interaction
As the speeding van plays the sonnets we know
All for one so don’t let go
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They paved a path and told me to walk
I tried to speak up, they said it’s all talk
As I contradict
The line they’re running with
Could you spare a minute doctor dear
I wanna make something clear
I am moved by the immutable force
Like a river by nature just follows the course
That sends it from spring to the sea
Well, so it is with me
As I feel the flow
You tell me not to let go
But I’m not holding on
The thing you look for is long gone
And the clambering rock on the cliff that I scale
Is not enough to make my courage fail
Because I’m brilliant red and Griffindor
You’re looking for less but I’ve got more
Than you ever could contain
Within the concept of rain
Must I say it to you again
As I slouch around the hall
I’m fuckin’ bored, will you pass me the ball
So I can shoot it in the net
Remind you that I don’t forget
The lines you litter with your feet
I never spoke about the monumental meet
I had with a guy so sweet
It’s cooking time and the heat
Is too much for me to stand
I look at him and he takes my hand
And holds it close to his face
A beauty that I can’t erase
As he’s speaking to my doubt
Don’t need to have to do without
But within is where I rule domain
And I know we’ll meet again
Somewhere in between
There is a crack in the dream
That’s how the light gets in
For a moment there it was with him
In a place where the cold seems waiting
Left in love, don’t give way to hating
As the scenery revolve
And everything is a problem to solve
As you, ashen faced, stare at me
And I avoid your gaze coz I know we’ll be
Always an eternity
Forever lapping like the sea
Against the shore
Could you wish for more
You open up like a closed door
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The pain is where the river flows
And I dunno, it’s like anything goes
As I grapple with the notion of sin
And all it was with him
Like forgiveness, unconditional
So much more than ritual
As I kneel before the altar
Bless myself with holy water
And pray that it’s enough to say
I love you deeply in every way
Can you ever forgive my crime
And call yourself your almost mine
Coz I cannot cross the line in the sand
Just coz I want you to be my man
I cannot endeavor to futilely try
Because the truth is we all die
As I casually interrupt
The story that you’re calling love
With my own flair of tigress’ brand
I’ve gotta admit I had it all planned
Every moment down to detail
Go shopping but avoid the retail
Therapy they buy and sell
To have a doctor say that I’m not well
And have a man stare in my eyes
In the land of empty tries
And I could hear screams in that place
Traumatized by all I laid waste
As I listened to somebody cry
Down the hall and I don’t know why
Could it be the vale of torment
Or a place I almost went
As I lay the phone on the table
Get up if you think you’re able
But I cannot even manage a smile
Over the days I walked a mile
Back and forth to pace the floor
All criminals that I adore
Suffering in a hall
Bounded by a door and wall
And they have to buzz you out and in
Only for Barry to flash a grin
Like all’s to hell in fabrication
Another kind of education
In how to walk a tightrope line
If I did it at all I took my time
Steadying the beat of my heart
Trying to make pain into art
As someone, lying, contradicts
But her words are not stones and sticks
To batter down a casual thought
Are you all that you have bought
Or do you just give way
Yield to the break of day
And find that there is somewhere peace
A moment when the noise cease
Only to point at the scream
The obvious within the dream
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The desert wasteland of thirty years old
Do you believe in everything you’re told
Or is all and sundry just something to match
Setting fire to your roof of thatch
Do we all just fade away into the night
Or is there life to eternal ignite
And it never struck me that it might be strange
That I can see atoms rearrange
As they weigh on the bough of a tree
Or comes pressing down on me
As I lie in my bed at night
Before I was born into holy light
That flames my spirit to a soar
And let me know there’s something more
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The Jesus in my soul
Is a story I haven’t told
Coz He is always there
A place of true care
And I fell in love with men
Hoping I would see Him again
In moments silent and true
I saw reflections in the eyes of you
And you stand tall and look like a hero
And I’m on my way to absolute zero
And I dig the earth
Disregard the waves of hurt
In ages pulling hence
The present moment’s never in the past tense
And He is a forest of trees
All you have to do is believe
And trust when you’re letting go
That he will catch you, you know
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Why do I love the thing I hate
He spits out; I made him wait
And we’re at odds again
And he isn’t even my friend
Anymore
He closed the door
So why do I wait outside in the freezing cold
Some would say I’m being bold
But one thing is the story told
Must pave its own way to the forest
Am I only being honest
Or do I live the lie
What it is like to die
I ponder it in bed at night
Coz the darkness absorbs the light
And I’ve slept better since I got this lamp
The Himalayan sea salt absorbs the damp
That used to make its way into my bones
Now I’m split between alternate homes
And everywhere I go I fray
But I’m really doing okay
It’s just this uncertainty
Set up like it’s her or me
And a just divide is remote
I catalogue the things I quote
In my phone, in a book, on a ripped page
I burn some incense and strike up some sage
Until I’m all but zoning out
High on lies and all my doubt
And tomorrow won’t remember
All the hope I felt engender
On the cusp of a riverbed
What was it that guy said
That every dog must have its day
But mine is over so I say
That I’ll let it be and come what may
I’ll leave the grass you made me stay
Upon for a moment or two
It is an eon this dream of you
But the grasp is getting weak
And now we don’t even speak
And you can’t hold back what won’t cry
I am not afraid to die
Because I saw through the whole scene
And now it’s like I live the dream
With two brand new eyes
Awakening, the best surprise
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She’s been keeping me
In her captivity
But I, my love,
Am born to be free
She’s been keeping me
In her secret den
But I break out
Over and over again
And it’s not for want
Of love nor money
It’s just that I
Can’t be that, honey
Not as hard as I try
To contain
I’m a cloud that must
Come down as rain
And I love you
In my deepest core
It’s just I can’t
Hold back anymore
This awning gap
Within my soul
I must let go
And be whole
Though it doesn’t change
My feelings deep
It’s just a promise
God must to keep
To restore me
To what I was before
There’s a lot
In and out of store
There’s a lot to be
And to know
I long to see
So I must go
Off to that
Far distant shore
But I’m right here
And I’ll always adore
Exactly what
You are to me
Captivity
Has been set free
Photo:https://pin.it/116Xoq5
The Poetry Book 