Why do I feel the ultimate pain
When the girl is making it rain
And it comes down in a sea of screams
Waking people from their dreams
And could it be grace that I
Was willing to die
For what I believe
It’s an ocean that I leave
Behind when I set out on my way
And you can’t trust what people say
You watch what they do
And I am staring at you
For an eon forever
As if you could be a hopeful endeavor
Are we just starfish
Learning how to shine
Do I speak up
About what isn’t fine
As the layers in the cake
Are slowly spread
And people on the sidelines
Are left for dead
As we just
Get on with our lives
And the bare minimum
Of trust survives
The onset of
A foreign occupation
Am I getting
Far above my station
To say I stand
With the power of peace
A moment when
The war might cease
And they could come
For my neck
Or I could lose it all
In a train wreck
As I try to mean
Something true
Is it just me
Or is it me and you
I look at the big fish Thinking he's such a dish But he's only catching flies In the interval between the birth that dies And yet I can sense even in him A light that shines within And the dark is threatening summer So I switch off the lights and hear that drummer That calls to me to speak my mind Share my soul and my life in kind And I somehow know that this will come true Because I have ultimate faith in you To be and bring all I have to know I hold on to let go Of what is not real or true But the beef with this is that I pay my due A hundred times over in advance And everyone is in a sort of trance I click my fingers and Lose sight of an hourglass worth of sand But time is nothing new Just the force of gravity working on you As your skin folds down And slowly sinks into the ground And you call that the end I call it another friend That just shows you that the permanent Is not held in the thing that went But in the eternal, immutable soul I spin the hands on the clock and fold
The closed farm opened its eyes And it realised Everybody dies Some day, eventually What of me exists perpetually Coz I know there's something there That goes beyond the wind that tear The seams from the jam of the door I woke up on the floor With a teacher staring down at me And I still remember the way that she Was frightened that I Might be broken the way I lie But I'm singing The bells are ringing In a new dawn And the old world is all gone For the moment at least Though, God knows, you can't cage the beast Only watch it scream And realise it's just a dream In the winter of my life, when I was young It was over before it had begun But it was not a final stop It was love that meant a lot And something in me just knew That there is a deeper shade of blue Than the sky you know I hold on and it lets me go
The door swings shut On another adjacent dream I run like wildfire Or an untethered seam That's freed from it's hold And the scene is gold As everything magnifies Exactly what never dies And I feel a heartbeat in my chest Just thump thump and forget the rest
Using money as a measurement for success
All I get is lost in distress
And unconsciousness
As I cling to the wall
Then the whole thing fall
And I look at the rubble at my feet
Why did God let us meet
If he didn’t intend us to be together
I scream in the morning air and the weather
Utters no reply
As dawn breaks over the seat where I lie
And that was back in ten
Number one on my list of men
That I adore
It’s like I found him on the shore
I used to seek solace on
But after I met you the whole thing was gone
It burned up like a candle flame
And all I have to hold is your name
And I remember your hand so soft and cool
That summer we met after school
In the park
And the field is green but the dark
Is just around the corner and I
Know what it is to be left out to dry
Like washing on the line
But don’t worry about it, it’s fine
He looks deeply into my eyes
And I’m momentarily without disguise
Or words to play
“I didn’t know you loved me that way”
I stutter a response
He’s not fooled
The evening changed
And the heat it cooled
Down into a summer balm
And all I feel is this unearthly calm
Creeping over the edges of my perception
The perfect kind of misdirection
To make the minute hour long
“I didn’t know you were that strong”
And the wellspring bubbles to the surface
“My God, aren’t you perfect”
In the moment we hold each other
I could never love another
The way I love you
I close my eyes and it’s just us two
Do we just settle for not that bad
When she’s the best you’ve ever had
And I’m walking down lines and roads
Kissing princes, they turn into toads
And I’m way past what I used to be
I wish I could’ve looked forward to see
Where that path might lead
And all the aggrandizement that made me bleed
When it was one need
And the law says take heed, take heed
Of all that you don’t know where
And maybe people do care
It’s just that you could‘nt see
I reach out and say; it’s me
As the soft of his voice reminds me of your arms
And we grew up on separate farms
In rural Irish ways
And I don’t care what anyone says
You’re still the one for me
I loved you so I let you go free
Now I just want to capture
Evince a state of rapture
That might never be known
And I want to love, don’t want to own
If that’s okay with you
I’m gonna wait coz I want to
Watching the polarities
Rise and fall
Male and female
Being brought to the boil
As we push the boundary
Of what we think we know
But they’re just categories
And we have to let them go
As gender becomes
A fluid concept
And the powers that be
Are sure to jump on it
And tell us
What we should understand
Now that non binary
Is in demand
And you say conservative
Or a liberal foe
It’s all in the ball you throw
With your good arm
No need to sound the alarm
On the adjacent feminist
They don’t get how some things exist
Except to say a right
Is where the opposites ignite
And I’m just sitting here
In the crosshair
I couldn’t fight
The reason that was there
One moment of togetherness in the pit of my stomach
It’s like that drop when the rollercoaster plummet
And you know that there’s no going back
You’re my personal heart attack
In a dark room or on a screen
And it was later I saw you as the dream
Always at arms length away
Coz it’s not safe if you stay
That close to me
You’re threatening my captivity
And I wanna be free
So I got lost in a degree
Where I make two and two equal four
But you’re on the other side of the door
Singing please let me in
So I let myself love him
Soft and slow
Like I am letting you go
But then I took a storm
Said this thing isn’t even warm
Though the lightning cracks
And you let loose some things you can’t take back
And I swore we’d never speak again
And I lost my tenuous faith in men
But it keeps coming back to find me
I’m just being eccentric so don’t mind me
When this reel is done
I’ll shine like the fuckin sun
Trying to elucidate
The thing I used to call my fate
And I’ve got a lot on my plate
As they silence the confusion
But watch what you’re calling a delusion
Coz you don’t know what you say
They don’t understand so they put me away
And I fought and I raged against the machine
But would you make war with a dream
Or just see the sunset over the glen
And if I fight it’ll just happen again
One where the man breathes down my neck
And search for a ship he can wreck
And will I just be mad til my dying day
Or will the pain just go away
If I stand up and believe
She rolled up tissues under my sleeve
So I’d have something if I got stuffy nosed
The camera was paused so I posed
But I just look like him
So I took it again
Can psychosis be precocious
Or is it just kundalini
Is it love or does it just demean me
Like the woman said on the tv
I’m four years old and I cut my knee
I still have the scar
At 64 will that be what you are
Just another favor of my youth
Oh, time can be such a brute
It offers you the sky
But with a catch, you die
In the end or before your time
I’m hesitant so I rhyme
To make sense of things
Meaning out of broken wings
And I was in a tight enclosure
Thought I’d die from exposure
To the sun
Coz there’s this light shining from everyone
And the man passed my bed
I thought I’d pass out instead
Coz I was just riding the vibe
Living (coz I am alive)
And he thought it was the bathroom glare
There were no locks in there
And they would bang on the door
And say; “just doing the check”
And I’m just some ship you wreck
With your foreign shore
Why the hell do I want more
Instead of less
It’s like some sort of undress
When my soul is bare
And you found the thread that started the tear
I got in your head and wound up in there
Where they parcel the joy
But I exchange it for a boy
I just found by the side of the road
I said to leave down the load
Even just for a moment, in my presence
And I could feel his essence
Start to fly
I hope I don’t die
Before I see him again
And I break my rule on men
Do I break the lid on categorical pain
That seems to be as seasonal as rain
And some people walk through a waterfall
But they don’t seem to get wet at all
And I climbed up mountains and I ran down valleys
Befriended enemies and demonized allies
But it never got me away
From what I quintessentially say
And as a baby I cried a lot
But what was it that time forgot
My first day of school
Or when that girl broke the golden rule
Watched my reflection in another’s eyes
Or felt the pain when somebody dies
Like my skin is being ripped from my bones
Or the silence when I’m all alone
Feels so much like peace
When the noise cease
And you can’t erase the childhood you own
The good, the bad, before the iPhone
That we didn’t post
Or the narcissism when that person ghost
Me over something I didn’t say
So I let her walk away
Took it out on a guy
Who was the answer and the reason why
The stars shone like diamonds in his eyes
He suddenly lit up the night skies
And the river runs deep and true
I forgot about loss the moment that you
Held my hand, they were all asleep
And is it just like a trinket I keep
Like so many others
And the cloud smothers
Me with its love
Though I still look above
For a being I can’t find
I didn’t really go out of my mind
I just had to get away
And what people say
Claws at me
But the thaw reaches deep and sets me free
From the aching of time
A moment, nothing, and then It was mine
The sun is shining
The leaves are green
And I thank you for
All that you have been
In the midnight stars
Or ocean blues
I see you in
Sunset hues
And when the dawn
Comes for the day
I thank you for
What's gone away
And what has risen
In its place
I'm home again
In open space
I think you are beautiful, I think you're a star
You really don't know how lovely you are
And I'd love to look at you and see you within
Your soul forms a shape and its constellating
And your eyes they are diamonds that shine from your core
I'd love to love you and then a little bit more
And your face draws my gaze but I don't want to stare
All I know is that I know you are there
And you don't fade away and you do not flinch
In the years that have passed you have not moved an inch
And we may be old and weary on the bone
But I know in your presence I am not alone
And I wish I could spend some time by your side
Kiss the ground that you walk because you walk alive
Shrink the violets to colour the room
Thank you for coming not a minute too soon
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Saving orcas down by the pond
And you didn't know but I waited there til you were gone
And you'll never see
But I wanted to ask if you would marry me
With your poetic stare
You captivate people who aren't even there
And I missed the day you filmed with your latest band
And laughed out loud and said it'll be grand
Cause you've got that mysticism
Carving a river with the blades of a prism
And bending lines of truth like light through the water
I was afraid to be such a daughter
Because you are like no one else
And your hand magnetises atoms the molecules felt
As you hold me close
Not with arms but a holy ghost
And you be company
In the darkest night when guns ignite you sat next to me
In midnight blues
That turn into mornings that can't handle you
Cause you are so delicately fine
And I'm afraid I will crush in the vice of my love what I want to be mine
But you are not for the taking
You've got your own soul mixed with the rock and roll of the path you are making
You beat your own track
And I fear I will never cross your piercing endeavour on my way back
Now you've got a success life
And I'm just a drifter who wonders if you missed her cause you said I was nice
I guess I never felt enough
To fill the chasm or the hole in the depths of your soul with a glass bottle love
You are magic beams
When I wonder if this earth is all that I'm worth you speak to my dreams
I wish I was like you
So fearlessly true
And unafraid
Yes I confess, you marked the spot
Where the Last Airbender won't fail to remember what you thought she forgot
I hold a star for you
And I plot the chart of my constellation heart every night that comes through
Stay forestry amid the plain
I cracked the stone and I let the rain
Siena’s tried cocaine
I tried to numb the pain
With all the alcohol
But I’m just throwing bricks at the wall
Hoping that they stick
Don’t be a dick
About it
Wasn’t I right to doubt it
Now I see you in her arms
And none of your charms
Can weasel your way back to me
Just take that jack to the wheel and see
I’m not for the changing
And all the flowers fading
Don’t mean that summer’s gone
Another year and this song
Will be played
What you say
Don’t mean a thing
And another ring
To hold my finger tethered to your soul
And the waves don’t crash to your rock and roll
Anymore
You see that door
It opens from the inside out
And my mouth
Is not somewhere you find yourself
I am no Christmas elf
To deliver parcels to your tree
I just want you to be free with me
And let it go
I followed you just so you know
I'm just mad coz you forced me off the land With your masculine misunderstand And I guess I'm emotional and female But that don't mean I should go to jail For a century or two Just because I frighten you With all you can't contain It was love, it wasn't pain And the winter was long but the snow Can't stop the way the spring will grow New green into all of the leaves And it's not just about what you believe And I throw shards of glass into the past Memories of what didn't last And your words are like daggers that cut my skin How does he know how to hurt within With his flagrant disrespect for all I offer I know it's just the way you suffer But I can't play small anymore Or cover over what you adore And don't want to love It was given me from above And you're just gonna have to get used to it Being front and centre and your wit Can't tear me down no more Find another ship to sail to the shore!
The fever of youth
It can be such a brute
And parties come and parties go
Drinks on us, it’s a holy show
And I’ll always be sixteen
Somewhere in a pink dream
Of candy clouds and come what may
Just don’t ask me to do what you say
Because I will rebel, rebel
Send hate crashing into hell
Like that year we walked Blathnáid home
But the streets of Longford are not to roam
In the night
It was alright
I think we ran back
Fearful of an attack
And we were just a little high on spritzers
At Jemma’s house and Pulitzer’s
We’re something I thought I’d own
The years in between that I’d grown
But so far it’s all quiet
Nothing like the silent riot
On the trampoline
Trying not to make a scene
By throwing up
And Paddy had a little of my love
Though I didn’t tell him that
I know that he liked me back
And I wonder where or how the time
Has been kind to him and no rhyme
Can ever capture what he was
He was beautiful just because
His eyes were full of soul
And when he stared at me the waves would roll
Like a sullen sea
Intent on surfing me
To the conclusion
And if there was any confusion
I’d like to clear it up
And let him know that a little love
Falls his way
In every word that I say
Every poem I write
Exposes his pirate light
With earring in tow
I know you thought I didn’t know
But bad boy chic
And sensitive sends my cheek
Flaming red
I thought of you that night in bed
And if you’d knock on the door
How it would be something more
But anyway you are too dashing gallant
And if I’d’ve had any talent
I would have sent these lines to you
How’s it cooking in your zoo?
Do the lions roar
And is the treasure chest still to explore
I hope you see
That you were the riproar in me
For a moment held
I just hope you know that I felt
More than Spiral Tree
Behind the bar between you and me
Could explain
You were a shower and I love the rain
Welcome to the broken girls club
Admission is free
But it will cost you more
Than you ever thought it could be
And is it just an excuse that we get to use
To say we can’t live up to the point you prove
With pen on paper
And the people who hate her
Cutting like incisors
Labeled as survivors
When it’s just a midnight rush
That is tender to the touch
That spirals out into infinity
Are you listening to me
At all
And I hit a wall
Or bedrock
As you claim to be what I am not
The sound of him
Is everything win
In no forest I can grasp
And maybe I should’ve
But I didn’t ask
Now you have her
And as far as I can tell
Everything is going really well
But I can’t watch you for an eon
Or an era
So I ditched the scales
I used to sear ya
To forbode
You’re carrying a heavy load
And relief
Should be yours
So instead of shutting doors
I’ll leave this one ajar
And love you long time, from afar
The hate boils like oil in my throat
A corrosive on the metal you float
When you send it out to sea
Don’t count on it if you rely on me
Coz man I am no steam train
But I swear if you use that phrase again
I might just pop my cork
The road less travelled and the fork
Is driving me half insane
Did you just use my name
To describe a certain state of mind
But it’s the world I leave behind
When I step out on the bridge
It’s like a Rocky Mountain ridge
As I traverse these perilous seas
That would have anyone on their knees
But I am not designed to please
Only be truthful and real
Do you know what you tried to steal?
The sound of defeat as he chooses another lady
And I dunno but I think that she hates me
For intruding on their sacred space
But he was a drug I loved to taste
And the hit was high
And it’s so hard to say goodbye
Like it’s a final sort of end
Or worse maybe we’re still friends
And he could call me pal
But I’m not a second best sort of gal
I’d rather cut my losses and run
Find something else that shines the sun
And who knows, maybe it’s not a man
Maybe there’s no limit to what I can
Do
It’s just not you
And I turn on the radio and it’s a Sony
Listening to that guy that’s lonely
And maybe I’ll meet him in Blue Note
Give him letters that he can quote
Like before
When he beat a path to my door
Only for me to fly
And the year the whole world threatened to die
In a storming cavalcade
Is it a fate we can evade
Or is it an absolute rest
We get the day before the test
Stuck in ‘08
It was my date with fate
As it led me to your door
Did you want me more
More than I can attest
And we’re both fully dressed
But I feel your eyes rake over me
Like we’re naked with destiny
Just us and the come what may
And you fill up the gaps in what I cannot say
But it’s subterfuge and we’re resting in hiding
But there’s something of love that is all abiding
Now you’re sharing your soul with someone else
With skin so thin you could make a heart melt
With the fire that burns off you
It seared a part of me too
And I can’t change the fact of you
I’m not the same and neither are you
But we both kinda are
Like the atoms forged in a star
Or the matter that make time and space
Bend the equivalent of the human race
To the tune of light refract
I never said no but I still want you back
Standing outside my window
It’s true there were days that I looked at him, though
And I cannot deny my feelings were real
With the depth of the red that he deal
An ace of hearts
And mine almost starts
To beat double time
He was the essence of fine
As he’d crack a smile in my direction
Like he’s open to cards if I make selection
And he lives just across the hall
And he kinda caught the ball
When I threw it at him
Is it a decision I cannot win
Coz I love them all
The truth in my own freefall
If you’re logged in
I hope you see
The monument
You are to me
And I’m looking up
You’re looking down
And babe we could run this town
If it was a two by two
I’m getting a home ready for you
As I make the tea
And we find our way when we can’t see
And maybe it is wrong
To covet the fold
But the path you walk
Is solid gold
As arms wrap around
Did you hear the sound
Of our silence dear
Isn’t the water pretty clear
When it’s still in a pond
And, no, I amn’t gone
Just waiting in the wings
And my heart it sings
For you, my love
You set the fire, I’ll free the dove
The sound of you
Has echoed through these halls
And it’s bringing down barriers
And cavernous walls
Until all is a grand open space
With not one instant of my time gone to waste
And I hit pause in 2011
All because the sound of Heaven
Was just too damn real
And you’re not the boy I want to steal
Away with into the night
But you came close to it, alright
And I spill ink on the canvas I draw
I’m like the cold witch and my bones start to thaw
In the sunlight you bequeath
And I guess I’m embarrassed so I stare at my feet
But you turn my face upward with your palm
You look at me and I am calm
I’m the storm that surround
You are worth the way it resounds
And leaves me feeling like friend is ancient
I’m an artist and I try to paint it
But it never lives up to what you are
A feeble try to condense a star
Into matter and fusion
But it was just confusion
To say I don’t love you so
And I just want you to know
That you crack the glass with your smile
And I dream of you for a little while
But it is real as can be
I took the biscuit but just dip it in tea
I’ll be the clarion call
To let the demons out
The things that people suffer under
The fear, my dear, self doubt
And they locked me up in ashes
But I still was free
Coz even though they do their best
They can’t get the best of me
And the clock ticked, did it go back
Am I getting enough of slumber
And but for the men I loved
I woulda been just a number
In that place where the halls have eyes
And everyone walks tiptoe
It’s eggshells we’re treading on
So that you might not know
And I had a bed and my own room
It was number sixteen
And I’ve been dealing with this kind of shit
Since I realized the dream
As I hop on a hopscotch
Afraid to cross the line
Is there a difference between being here
And doing hard time
And I hid out in the activity room
Rifling through a storm
I hope they might not find me
That’s how I kept the candle warm
But they did and told me so
There was a place to greet
But I’m moving dough with my hands
Can’t make it move my feet
And the third time I was in there Barry called my name
He asked if he could speak to me, if it was all the same
But he was laughing sideways
Out of the corner of his mouth
He thinks that he might have a clue
As to what I’m all about
And, God love him, he was precious
But he set the dial to spin
So I called the shots and called it off
Walked out of the room with him
And, the laughter, it was breaking like a wave upon the shore
I left the card on my desk so that it might love me more
And my sides they’d split with Aoibhínn coz she was such a hoot
She talked me out of dangerously quiet as I stood mute
And I drew an eye on the wall in the smoking room
It was a lot more like freedom than it was the bells of doom
And they only scrubbed it out a year later and I see
There was a part of them that loved a part of me
Or with a certain fondness I recall what they say
It’s not the present moment but you will be okay
So I crumpled up the paper and threw it in the bin
Conceded defeat coz you know I cannot win
And the monuments of time will fall beneath the sea
But there’s something eternal that beats the heart of me
And I can’t put my finger on it or tell you what it is
Only suffice to say that being born is not to live
Beyond the realms of death
In the halls that I vacate
I think they had me wrong
Coz I love the thing they hate
And summon up a showstorm
In the dead of the night
The sun that is within me
Can’t help but be bright
As all I ever am
And all I’ll ever be
I can’t bring myself to regret
That I asked you to dance with me
I unlock my phone
And Chocolate opens
Like a heart that’s in the hand you’re holding
And you’re too sweet to be believed
You’ve been hiding nothing up your sleeve
Only an endless free terrain
And I’ve spent years studying your pain
From afar
And Teresa named a star
After me
So somewhere out there my shine you’ll see
Under ever present heavens
We were both born on elevens
And so I tick my clock
Wondering what it is you’re not
In all that you claim to be
You were my favorite song to see
I was something
And I could see
A new and different version of me
And it’s come to pass
That I have come to ace the class
Of transformation
Coz they flick the tv station
But the score
Is always I want more
Than what is
But I am His
And I found in life
A reflection of his beauty
In a man and it’s my duty
To explain that I
See through the body that die
Into the effortless supreme
I gasped and it woke the dream
Death, looming like a great paragon on the horizon
I don’t know what to take a side on
But I know I can’t stay on the fence
Or civilization will be in the past tense
As we see the aching Colosseum stand for war
But it crumbles in the end because of what it’s for
And we hear the machine gun roll
But they can’t kill the soul
And it will come round to embrace
The very worst of the human race
Til we’re all tended like wheat in the field
The wind shakes the barley and it yield
To the power of peace and benevolence
As we watch the rhythm dance
Like a song across the grass
The only truth in my life is that Love last
And in the oceans that span a sea
There’s a depth to you and me
That no wonder can contain
Let’s wake without the pain
To prompt us to stir
Do you even know what we were
As we wear that t-shirt too
I was born in the moment I met You
She’s been keeping me
In her captivity
But I, my love,
Am born to be free
She’s been keeping me
In her secret den
But I break out
Over and over again
And it’s not for want
Of love nor money
It’s just that I
Can’t be that, honey
Not as hard as I try
To contain
I’m a cloud that must
Come down as rain
And I love you
In my deepest core
It’s just I can’t
Hold back anymore
This awning gap
Within my soul
I must let go
And be whole
Though it doesn’t change
My feelings deep
It’s just a promise
God must to keep
To restore me
To what I was before
There’s a lot
In and out of store
There’s a lot to be
And to know
I long to see
So I must go
Off to that
Far distant shore
But I’m right here
And I’ll always adore
Exactly what
You are to me
Captivity
Has been set free
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The myth of myself
I rivet the dawn
And make preparations
For when it is all gone
Coz it won’t last forever
This person that I’ve made
You only know the sun
When you’re standing in the shade
You only know the midnight
Because come the dawn
You wake up to the instant
That you truly belong
Imma bounce
Like a cat about to pounce
Or the people you denounce
Coz I just can’t stay still in chains
I look up to the sky and it rains
Open air and fresh water blues
You know the breeze smells of you
Like fresh grass or school in the nineties era
Kind of scary and I feared ya
When you looked deeply into me
What is it that you see
Coz your eyes are golden
And no one would believe me even if I’d told em
But you stay still and silent as the grave
I never knew my own power to save
With my mere presence alone
Now you’re just on the other end of a phone
And I followed every line you dropped
Til the moment when it just stopped
And I couldn’t contain the rush
Is it now we get to touch
Coz we seem separated by a million miles
But I could never pay for one of your smiles
It radiates like a frequency to burn
I swear you make the world turn
I’ve never spoken of my feelings for you
And I don’t know why
And I’m always scared
You’re gonna die
Coz I hold you so dear
But you’re never near
And I don’t think you understand
I never had any of this planned
And I know you’ve got a life
And its unreasonable to think a wife
Is what I could be
It’s borderline delusional a history
But I’ve gotta speak this longing in my heart
The reverberations start
When you’re near the scene
And the fabric of my dream
Starts to shimmer
Did you use the dimmer
Switch coz the light in here
Is gone all moody and I fear
That I may be for you over again
I’m fascinated by other men
But you hold this draw
Like you’re the rule and the cosmic law
Pulls me to your door
Don’t you love me anymore?
They walked away from the town they knew
And Longford’s not the same without you
The streets are grey, the skies are dull
And my skin’s as thin as cotton wool
And I still remember where we left that day
In the car park with nothing to say
So I wrapped my arms around your waist
But you had to go, make haste
And for that whole week I was delirious
Shooting hoops so serious
I sat on the floor by the kitchen sink
And my stomach did flips to barely think
Of you somewhere with a phone
To reach into my alone
And make it two
So I can be lonely with you
And then I saw you again at the battle of the bands
I didn’t know where to place my hands
So I ran off to the restroom
I knew I had to come out sometime soon
And that you would be waiting
There’s no hating
Just a vague terror for you to see
What resides at the heart of me
But I stood my ground on a screen
Willing to be truly seen
Did you feel my soul
Reach out across the coal
You walk upon
I’m not gone
But here in the room we know
I did not let you go
But hold you in my heart so true
I stare to say I’ve been waiting for you
We can’t take one moment for granted
Nothing’s guaranteed
Life ends in death
We rely on the blood we bleed
To keep the body going
I look out the window
And the sky is snowing
Everything lending itself to another
The rain is frozen
And I lost a brother
In the storm
The river flowed
I may have taken the less travelled road
But it wasn’t for the good of my health
And it sure as hell hasn’t given me wealth
Except an inner gratitude
And a reliance on the dude
That runs the show
Is there something I should know
Or do I just apt predict
So worried that I make myself sick
And have to be revolved on medication
There’s no point lying about my tv station
And if I’m off them for long
I start to feel like I don’t belong
To even the human race at all
I drink it in at the waterfall
And run, simply run down the hall
Of the institution I became part of
Resident of guarded love
And I hate but I also care
Feel the torment start to tear
At the edifice I’ve built
I don’t know why but I wilt
Under the glare of a heavy sun
And I’m always looking for the one
Who might make my stars shine bright
But the blade became my kryptonite
As it etched in stone what my heart would write
Only to feel the pull of the tide
The breath that means I am alive
As I drag my body out of the morass
I waken up when I am in class
And revive to a certain degree
Ten years to know it’s not just me
Who feels this way
And there needs to be a conversation
About what it means to stay
And guidance from the ground
About the people you always want around
Do you hear the triangle ping
I let go and give up everything
We’re on the frontier of a new design
And it’s not like I can call anything mine
As we switch up the fray
And while it’s sunny I’m gonna make hay
And set it in store
Could you wish for anything more
Than grain in the barn
And those you love safe from harm
As the storm rages
And I’m furiously writing pages
Coz I’ve just got to get this damn thing down
Before the ocean rises and we start to drown
Because I cannot quell the tide
But I can speak while I’m alive
I remember the chats I used to have
With a certain Shane
And maybe I shouldn’t mention his name
But he made me feel awesome socks
I ran away when the door knocks
And it’s him asking to be let in
And I just shout over the din
Of the silence that resounds
Sometimes the quiet is the only sound
And he’s too quick to doubt belief
I stand listening like a thief
That would steal away a word
Like it’s the best thing I’ve ever heard
And we lost the Americans that day on the bus
And our friend is where I place my trust
As I lean on her arm for support
We’ve always had a kind of rapport
Ever since that day in Delphi
Where we saw the sheep like an elf we
Had a vision of the whole land
Washing over the waves like sand
And she’s taller than I can believe
And cooler than I can thieve
Away from the sky
Something binds us until we die
And I hung out with the engineers
And found some moments that life endears
Me to all and sundry
Just don’t look for sunny on a Monday
And she’s the one who told me to scrawl
My thoughts on the internet like a graffitied wall
And I’ve gotta be grateful to her and all
As I jumped up to catch the ball
And land with running feet
To the place where destiny meet
It’s tv on the radio and all I see
Is you throwing shapes at me
Live strong
And let the beat hold the song
Up where there are no lies
From the mutant in disguise
And maya does it’s best to capture
But you have me in a state of rapture
Ringing bells from on high
And I am not afraid to die
Coz it’s just a veil that we pass through
Fr. P said that when we lost you
To a sudden and sharp
But we’re not alone in the dark
We’re held somewhere we can’t contemplate
And no one is locked out of that state
And I’ve been knocking on the door
But it was open and I adore
The freedom that has come to reign
Like I’ve been kissed by the pain
Til all that once held a stain
Washed away in sheets of rain
That just pour from the sky
The ground is nourished when clouds cry
So why should I fear my own tears
For it has been many years
In a silent solitary slumber
But the Divine is not going under
No matter how I bury my soul
Waves only know how to roll
There’s nothing love can’t do
It somehow brought me to you
And in our chasm call
Though we fight and the wall
Seems to rise between us
Baby, you couldn’t even dream up
This kind of love
And I’m five and the dove
Flies overhead
Warding off the resident dread
To come again another day
Do I just get in your way
Or are we okay
Because I fly
And I know you die
In a room alone
God damn, just look at your phone
And you will find me there
A digital realm of true care
To vanquish the pain
What was lost we can never gain
But an aside
I am alive
And so are you
So there’s really nothing stopping us two
Find your way back to me
Make future history
And stories we can tell the grandchildren
That gather round the hearth
And what you save for me in the dark
And you can tell her she’s welcome too
Or I am with her and you
It’s just I can’t write this off
And it’s not a sunk cost
But something I’d invest in
Even if it didn’t win
And there have been trees in the forest of me
Falling onto pine needle dignity
As they hold me against my will
And all of my senselessness spill
Into hilarity
I’m laughing at the thought of you and me
On my bed in a chasm
And I love that she still has him
Coz they look so perfect together
And d’ya know it’s lovely weather
For a sky to break
And I’m counting every breath I take
Coz they’re numbered
And have you ever wondered
Just what’s fueling your love affair
Don’t you feel me there
In lashes and guilt and opening doors
Are men too quick to call women whores
For being connected to another dimension
And this is just a logical extension
Of the need to be
Quintessentially free
Did I learn from my degree
That she
In effervescent tones
Sparkles when you’re all alone
And diamonds can’t buy what’s given
Some people survive and call it living
And I gotta say
I can’t save this for another day
But anyway
Hit me up, if that’s okay?
I envisioned the whole scene It was like a fuckin dream Where I had the central role And what's up for grabs is my soul As I ride the subway train Or walk Kilglass in the rain Somehow it's all the same I flash my metro card And some guy helped me coz it was hard To figure out as I traipse down the stairs Wondering if anyone cares And I know she does but she's got laws It's winter and the summertime thaws Out the vestibules of old sand Pearls out of what was underhand And I divide the spoils I've earned But all my profit only burned What was left of me The remnants an effigy Of a spiral diagram I sketched But the problem hit and I retched And sought salvation in a clinic It looks fine from the outside but once you're in it You come to know that there are rules That I can't ace like I did in school So I sit in the music room Abject to the sound of doom Or wander down the hall As the world explodes from it all How do you say kunalini, one, two, three But they don't listen to me
We gotta draw the line
(I tell him I’m fine)
But he insists that I
Am too distressed not to die
And I try to fight
But he blows out the candlelight
So I’m just fumbling in the dark
For a torch in the park
And it’s no place to be in times like these
And St. Pat’s brought me to my knees
And I want to fly in the face
Of what they swear is my disgrace
And I disagree
But his degree
Is not in conflict resolution
And he seeks the dissolution
Of this state of mind
But look at what I’d leave behind
If I just left you there
With no one watching and no one to care
As I muck it out in the trenches
They call my name when I’m sitting on benches
My place to make a scene
And this vision is a dream
But I will make it real
I pay back what I steal
I a hundred pound notes
I’m Gandhi or at least one of his quotes
I looked out the window I watched for the tide With news from the sea That you might be alive And I can't preempt destiny Or run with the wolves I've just got this awesome And hot damn it pulls Me like a thread Through a needle eye I just wait for news And hope you don't die Somewhere afar Where I can't reach you Life said, love, listen And let the truth teach you Coz I can't be a summer When winter has dawned I can't be the clock face That someone has pawned For gold or money Or just getting by I know life is hard But I've gotta try To find the flow That runs a river I know I've been gone But could you forgive her For the fear in her blood It runs in her veins And it's not easy To erase the stains That come from a life Of denying truth It's almost too much The paragon of youth As I finally come round The smelling salts Wake me and take me As my nose assaults My senses with something That's meant to rouse I don't mean to disappoint I want to make you proud
I see the faraway shore Beckoning me to something more And I understand That nothing good can be planned As we grow up Like a tree It's not up and over But organically And there's enough food To feed each child Enough land To let the animals roam wild And did we build this monstrosity That is growling in my face I have to speak up For the human race Coz we're going down And if we don't shift The present moment Won't be a gift But an encumbrance That we bear I feel the fabric Start to tear As the seam Is pulled to the edge Don't let the money Go to your head As you earn and as we burn The stifling and the axis turn That leads us down a narrow path Makes me wonder what we might be at To poach the seas til they run dry To pour the concrete til the soil die And I've got this hefty weight to carry Will I bear children and marry But all I hear are the cries of the damned And all the innocents no one understands So if I've a prayer It's help me, God Live with Love And not the rod That snaps down on a soft palm They say that there's an unearthly calm Before the tidal wave So take the noise as a sign to save While we still have time What is your path Coz I know mine
The flow of superfluity Allows me to write But do I stand up For what I know is right Coz there's ancient eons Creaking with the weight There are girls crying out Like they're on a first date And the man has just Produced a pistol I can't hide from All the vitriol That just pours through So I try to compose A letter to you So that you might know That from where I'm standing The world and its discontents Can be too demanding But I don't fail At the final hurdle I just shift my stance Like I'm playing wordle And there is no monument Or mountain to climb That's out of reach Of the Sublime So I'll just keep my breath Like it's a tic tac toe But I'll be true Always, you know
I’ve got fire in my blood
I’ve got lava in my veins
I bite back every time
You think the sunshine rains
And I don’t hate the male
I embrace the masculine
I’m female and I’m awesome
Yeah, I’m doing just fine
But sometimes there’s a crack
In the facade that I’ve built
The light gets through the walls
And the damn thing is willed
As bitterness dissolves
Into an ocean of peace
I hold on so tight
Only to find a just release
How do I describe that time in my life
I’m fourteen and there is strife
But something pierces through me
It’s as though I can suddenly see
What’s before me on the page
I’m kicking back and burning sage
In my window dressing by the sea
The moment when God touched me
With Her ephemeral light
Says, get up, kid, you’ll be alright
And all of a sudden the night was done
You can’t fear the dark when you know the sun
And it came to me like a breeze or chill
Says, move it, girl, or I will
And forever was a mountain I couldn’t move
So many exams and so much to prove
But I won’t be writing for the Longford Leader
I’ll be spinning yarns so you’ll believe her
And time has passed
But that time will always last
As I scream my breath out into the air
And find something real that is there
More than what pulls away
Like cobwebs at the break of day
Filled with few in the morning light
But transparent and alright
Catching rays and bending frames
Being so much more than their names
Like I did in first class
I woke up and it kicks ass!
In 2007 I saw you on the stage
That was the year before I start to age
And grow into the skin I’ve earned
I touched the sun and, baby, I was burned
Though it’s as though I’m lit from within
And in the time before I still knew him
In my thoughts, in my words, in the page
You dance before me like it’s all the rage
And I take a note out of your book
I think forever deserves a second look
Getting drunk in the city
Darragh’s cute and Johnroy is witty
And Liosa and Isabelle are so pretty
Im too smart and that’s a pity
And I feel lost in the move of the club
Marian holds my hand as we walk round the pub
And it’s a sprawling mess but it’s divine
The days UCD was mine
And I did less learning than ever before
Don’t you see how the sun lit up the floor
As we did a skit about being D4
I’d never been that sassy before
But it only made us closer as a group
And I was just sitting on the stoop
When he laughed and told a joke
And he smiles so I don’t have to cope
With this damn state of mind that’s dragging me under
He is the clouds
But I am the thunder
And I just rumble
Into the town that we own
He’s older than me
But you never would’ve known
As he bought me a drink
That said don’t think
Too much about those things
He makes a face and my heart sings
He throws his arm casually round my shoulder
And I feel I’ve just dropped the boulder
That I’ve been rolling up this hill
He lets me see his heart at will
It’s lockdown and I’m thinking of him
Wondering if he kept that grin
And nothing burns like gasoline
You’re the fire in my dream
And I never told you what you wanted me to
Could you see that I love you?
And he probably has a furnace to build
He’s the red in my heart and it cannot be filled
With the memory of what we were
Can I present tense the moment I’m her
As we’re running down aisles and chasing down stars
And Rob, you know, he plays guitars
And I just wish I could be involved
Coz this damn problem’s never solved
But I wouldn’t change it, because we met
I hold a space in my soul for you yet
There are so many things
In life that pass away
Made me ask
Does anything stay
And I found in the dark
An unbeatable light
It’s shines through the veil
Til everyone’s alright
And it’s taking to task
The body I walk
Makes me speak
Not merely talk
And it loves and it cares
But it is detached
Unlocks the door
Even when it’s latched
It goes up and over
Here and beyond
Answers questions
Like a dumb blonde
With the smarts
I looked it’s way
And suddenly it starts
To shine
For the whole world to see
Don’t you know
It’s not about me
But about the fabric
Becoming paper thin
He saw the real
So I let him in
The Poetry Book 