I was just picking up pieces
Because everything I love deceases 
And I find solace in Tolle 
Like I used to in the holy
I would pray in the pews
That God would give me advance news 
Of anything I needed to be forewarned about 
Then twelve hit and the doubt
Set in 
Because I watched Him 
Get crucified 
How could Love Itself have died 
A death on the cross 
It’s titanic and all is lost 
And I’m walking up the drive wheeling the bin
Thinking about him  
And thought “what if none of it is true” 
I lost absolute faith in you 
And I would say my vows hoping it would return 
And it wasn’t coz I was afraid I would burn 
It was coz it meant that I would see 
The ones I love eternally 
Five months after my grandfather had died 
And the anger replaced the tears that I cried 
I wanted to rail against the world 
But I’m only a girl 
A screaming point of focus 
Shouting into the great locus 
Of all of creation 
And I gave myself to my education 
So that I might become learned 
But the axis still turned 
And turned and without fail 
I would stand out and shout into the hail 
But it did no good 
And his blood 
Still flows in me 
I just think of our history 
And how we were beaten and broken 
Like refugees and boats floating 
On the Mediterranean Sea 
Not knowing if they’ll ever be
Safe again 
I ran from my home
Til I became the One