Is it that there’s too much to say
Or not enough
Coz you’ve got to know
I’ve always cared for you, love
And there’s a distance between us
Or a depth we can’t dive
We breathe in the air
Just to survive
And the cogs they turn
In the wheels of our life
It’s like a winter’s morning
With a new bite
In the air
That you can just taste
Oh, what in the world
Did you create?
Trying to keep up to a race I can’t pursue
It’s like trying to win the attention of you
And you just turn away, a shoulder to glance
And I am there begging for another chance
To be who I am in your company
But you know we’re just friends, it’s not eternity
And I promised you silver and I promised you gold
Promised together in the growing old
But now it’s as though a chasm has opened
Do you hear me at all or am I just hoping
As I see you though the gaps in my hands
Fingers clasped over eyes that understand
The motion of trees
That we wouldn’t work, would you believe
In all that turns out to be true
If you rely on the weather, it just changes you
And I can’t cut the grass on the field that you own
Can’t win me over once the game is thrown
Into the midnight and out with the day
I’m kind of conflicted about us, okay?
Her pain is a mountain
That I can’t scale
Like many on Everest
I’m born to fail
But I keep coming back
To her heavenly light
Whispers in the morning
You’ll be alright
And we grow up
Dust ourselves off
But we’ve still got
That persistent cough
That hints at something
Underneath
She lowers a blow
Knocks me off my feet
And I know
She don’t mean it
But did I
Dream it
That we once were something true
Until I disappointed you
By being myself
In a garden of verdant wealth
All to blossom and free
Sorry but, babe, you’re gnawing at me
The axe chopped down the tree
And, the wood, it was me
As I fell from on high
Hard, for some guy
And he brushes me off
But I sense a depth
I get the feeling
He regrets
Letting us go
But, then again, what do I know
And I used to blaze a trail
Til I found his and without fail
I used to follow, breadcrumb sweet
The pebbles led me to where we meet
But there is no way back
And I didn’t mean to attack
I was just vociferously
Defending the best of me
As you tried to tear me down
But you didn’t see the crown
On the king
The bird can fly with a broken wing
But it’s stuttered and weak
You kind of leave me speechless and meek
As you gently assume the worst
The best dress to the golden hearse
The burning pain encases my soul
And like the waves I roll and roll
Until I crash to the floor
And all I used to adore
In verdant green
Is part of what it means
To walk in this skin
And part of me’s in love with him
As we age and pale
Giving up what’s not for sale
To the highest bidder
It’s first come, first served and the weather
Is just one more seasonal spin
Do I let him in
Coz he’s knocking down my door
Hammering ever more and more
As the years pass
And I was outclassed
In the long grass
And today I went to Mass
And felt that age old relief
As I stepped back into belief
As I stare at a man on a cross
Thinking all is not lost
Coz my Saviour died for me
But He lived and that sets me free
That Truth exists
And quells the sound in the mists
That grapple and let me go
This cloud looks like it’s full of snow
Or thundered might
But Jesus loves me and I’m alright
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Remember me, love
As I lie in wait
I sit on the bed
And think of a date
I once had with you
I was one of the few
To walk in that open door
Would you like to see the shore
That laps the waves
And all the lost boys it saves
And Barry made a joke of me
But he was hella cute
Even if he did play the flute
And I’m looking at Hozier
On a magazine
Thinking he might just be the dream
Some Andrew Byrne with height
I bet we’d never fight
Only do things
He dare not speak
Lest I see where he’s weak
And now I have the freedom
To be encased
Do you remember
The first time our hearts raced
As we sat side by side
Just bristling with the feeling
Of being alive
And you zing with magic
Some electric touch
And I know I’m someone
You’d like to rush
Into something unseen
I’m just part of the dream
On your screen
No solipsis, just the Queen
To put a crown on your head
And there are mornings
We could wake up dead
But, so far, we’re good
No Snow White in the wood
Just a single dancing elf
That asks you to just be yourself
When you move with me
It’s priceless, baby, but its free
Which would be worse
That you move to Australia
Or that I meet you on the street
And the words they might fail ya
As you present
Your wife and kids
And I must contend
With the life that’s his
And I let it go at eighteen
And I’ve been trying to right the dream
Ever since
I wince
When I think of all the truth I spilled
Out from my soul like it is killed
And I know he knotted threads
Wore them thinner as I lay in bed
With fear in my throat
If you burn a witch would she float
And I can’t fight with this great swathe of sea
As it’s all pouring through me
Like a vessel in the storm
Giving voice to the cold meets warm
And there’s really nothing stopping the flow
When you know you just let go
It was a grapevine fire that caught onto you
And I didn’t want you to know I was staring through
A portal into another world
How did I not see that you had a girl
And all my detective, all my sleuth
Building pillars of time upon our youth
And they had me admitted to a psych ward
I just look at you when I’m bored
And it makes me smile
Then Emmett crashes in for a while
With his clipboard and pen
Could you say that again
Like I said to you
The pain in your eyes was pushing me through
The eye of a needle so fine
God, I wish we would’ve had more time
Til the separate
Would you call it fate
Or just say it’s my fault
That a heart’s not made to be locked in a vault
And let out on special occasions
Jesus, what are those abrasions
Did you roll down a hill
He tells the truth but I never will
In his company
And he just acts the fool with me
And I feel whole
I didn’t realise I’d found my soul
Holding space for war torn regions
With the strength of prayer
So they know that love is there
And the fighters on the extreme
Are only caught up in the dream
Never knowing what they do
But what would you do if it was you
And if you had the power to make change
Would you think it a bit strange
That some people resist
There’s nobody on my list
Coz I have let go of enmity
But I stay vigilant coz integrity
Means being aware that it could come back
The ego hiding in the lack
Are we just starfish
Learning how to shine
Do I speak up
About what isn’t fine
As the layers in the cake
Are slowly spread
And people on the sidelines
Are left for dead
As we just
Get on with our lives
And the bare minimum
Of trust survives
The onset of
A foreign occupation
Am I getting
Far above my station
To say I stand
With the power of peace
A moment when
The war might cease
And they could come
For my neck
Or I could lose it all
In a train wreck
As I try to mean
Something true
Is it just me
Or is it me and you
Oceanic life, I can feel the drown
Rising up when I’m outta town
It’s like a vast submerge
Has me on the verge
Of saying exactly what I mean
And punching a hole in the dream
That I built so carefully
And I’m sure they don’t see
But the forces of unconsciousness move to contain
What they suspect might be rain
And I’m coming down in a deluge
And it’s like my heart is the centrifuge
Of the whole storm
And I’m both cold and warm
As the fronts meet each other
And somehow I found a brother
Who connected on the level I chose
Coz all of them are lined up in little rows
And I draw outside the lines
I replay it a thousand times
The tree beds down deep in my soul
And I’m as icy as the North Pole
On a summer evening
It’s global warming but are you believing
The stories they weave
And it’s cotton wool I have up my sleeve
No knife to stab you in the back
No hatred to make an attack
On what is perfect pure
You loved me but you weren’t sure
That you could trust the branch to bough
But I’ll come close if you allow
Me near your cistern heart
The one that fills before it starts
To empty out
And the earth quakes with your doubt
As you mean it all to me
Could you be my long lost sea
Using money as a measurement for success
All I get is lost in distress
And unconsciousness
As I cling to the wall
Then the whole thing fall
And I look at the rubble at my feet
Why did God let us meet
If he didn’t intend us to be together
I scream in the morning air and the weather
Utters no reply
As dawn breaks over the seat where I lie
And that was back in ten
Number one on my list of men
That I adore
It’s like I found him on the shore
I used to seek solace on
But after I met you the whole thing was gone
It burned up like a candle flame
And all I have to hold is your name
And I remember your hand so soft and cool
That summer we met after school
In the park
And the field is green but the dark
Is just around the corner and I
Know what it is to be left out to dry
Like washing on the line
But don’t worry about it, it’s fine
He looks deeply into my eyes
And I’m momentarily without disguise
Or words to play
“I didn’t know you loved me that way”
I stutter a response
He’s not fooled
The evening changed
And the heat it cooled
Down into a summer balm
And all I feel is this unearthly calm
Creeping over the edges of my perception
The perfect kind of misdirection
To make the minute hour long
“I didn’t know you were that strong”
And the wellspring bubbles to the surface
“My God, aren’t you perfect”
In the moment we hold each other
I could never love another
The way I love you
I close my eyes and it’s just us two
I run but there’s no race that I win
I walk away but I think of him
Every single day
Was there really no other way
To handle things
And my heart sings
When the memory rises
And my surprises
To find him there
And find he care
Surpasses all my man made doubt
And a life learned to live without
Like holding back the air
I need to breathe and I care
About what happens to you
I would love to reach out to
You across the great divide
But I fear the rebuff and I hide
My secrets away so safe
And I used to be a little waif
In hunger with what she couldn’t live
I hope that you forgive
Me for my transgression
Why does this feel like a confession
When I’m at a loss as to what to say
So I make something up by the way
And feel all the penance that’s due
I just want to be worthy of you
But you won’t see me no more
I knocked and the door
Opened and closed in my face
Did you know this used to be my place
Driving through town and I think of Amanda
She was into the emo scene
And her hair was long
Like a fucking queen
And I try to emulate what I saw back then
Seventeen 2.0 again
And I wonder where he is
If he has a wife and kids
I used to check his deets
Before I admitted utter defeat
And the family life always seemed empty
Like why would you when you’re good looking and twenty
But when you’re thirty three and laying waste
Everyone seems to say; make haste, make haste
And I’m like a rock in the river, it just flows by
And it might be a long time before I die
And forty looks scary as hell
Do you grow up or lose life as well
Coz age hasn’t changed the core of peace
And forgiveness might be the only release
For what she did to me
If you wake up are you free
Or do you deal with encumbrance still
Going through a dark night of the will
It was ‘14 and I was on the run
And you kinda looked like a loaded gun
And I wondered if you would go off
So I paid the cost
And let the ship go down
Kinda dropped out of that town
And they called it a scene
But, guess what, they are livin’ the dream
In a living room potion
I’m equal parts water and emotion
As the sea afloats
A rising tide that lifts all boats
In the midnight blues
Would you be just old news
If I read the feed
But wanting you made me bleed
In deeply unconscious states
The girl waits
For it all to be right
Then suddenly ignite
With all she is
But I am not his
In the movement that belies
The futile moment that he tries
To stem the flow
Of realizing I cannot go
Any closer to you
So, I’ll back off, that’s what I’ll do
Into the depth that surrounds
And riverbeds quake grounds
But they can’t uproot the tree
That’s been growing within me
So you can keep the label
I’ll keep the love, if I’m able!
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All of the burning embers
No one really remembers
Who you used to be
It’s like the fountain that you see
In the ocean that grows within
They’re obsessed with the notion of sin
And I’ve outgrown the domain
That only seems to inflict pain
On the monster that abides
The one your revolution hides
Beneath the snow of an avalanche
Were you released in the first tranche
Of saviours to keep the day
Working in its own way
And the sudden scar
Is a wildebeest to your open heart
The one you wear on your sleeve
Do you expect me to just believe
In the brand you sell
I’m in the jungle but I wish you well
The fire’s alight with every fuse that it burns
And I just fall in love as the sun burns
On the axis of you
What the hell am I supposed to do
With all these feelings I’ve got
That I think time forgot
In the aching I feel
And was that time real
When we hopped a scotch
And I pulled into your parking lot
To pick you up
They say a hand to a glove
Is all that you need
But you made me bleed
On January 21st
I didn’t let on when it hurt
And you took up with her
I just watched without a word
And let on I didn’t care
You ran a hand through your hair
But I was there
And I still am
Guess that wasn’t part of your plan
To keep your guard dog lover throughout the years
I’d silence waves like I do your fears
Kiss you on the crest
And find the man that knows me best
Is everyone trying to escape That vast, empty space And I hold her at a distance Arms length, or resistance Coz she can't know How I let you go And the awning abyss Is the only man I kiss In the winter of my life When I'm trying to survive the strife Under the cover building turf Could you tell me which is worse Indifference or indecision And I know you were subject of derision But I shared In every vessel that cared How the ship would float And that boat Still sails a sea Somewhere in the multiverse with me
The sun is shining
The leaves are green
And I thank you for
All that you have been
In the midnight stars
Or ocean blues
I see you in
Sunset hues
And when the dawn
Comes for the day
I thank you for
What's gone away
And what has risen
In its place
I'm home again
In open space
I think you are beautiful, I think you're a star
You really don't know how lovely you are
And I'd love to look at you and see you within
Your soul forms a shape and its constellating
And your eyes they are diamonds that shine from your core
I'd love to love you and then a little bit more
And your face draws my gaze but I don't want to stare
All I know is that I know you are there
And you don't fade away and you do not flinch
In the years that have passed you have not moved an inch
And we may be old and weary on the bone
But I know in your presence I am not alone
And I wish I could spend some time by your side
Kiss the ground that you walk because you walk alive
Shrink the violets to colour the room
Thank you for coming not a minute too soon
Photo Credit: https://pin.it/4jJmaS8
Siena’s tried cocaine
I tried to numb the pain
With all the alcohol
But I’m just throwing bricks at the wall
Hoping that they stick
Don’t be a dick
About it
Wasn’t I right to doubt it
Now I see you in her arms
And none of your charms
Can weasel your way back to me
Just take that jack to the wheel and see
I’m not for the changing
And all the flowers fading
Don’t mean that summer’s gone
Another year and this song
Will be played
What you say
Don’t mean a thing
And another ring
To hold my finger tethered to your soul
And the waves don’t crash to your rock and roll
Anymore
You see that door
It opens from the inside out
And my mouth
Is not somewhere you find yourself
I am no Christmas elf
To deliver parcels to your tree
I just want you to be free with me
And let it go
I followed you just so you know
He got a dial on the rotary blade And he claimed he knew how to save But he sent me to some kind of hell Then forbade me to ever tell The story of how our love was made He put the darkness into the shade Of the sun that just shines on me Or from within the holy sea In the forests he was found And I can't bear to hear the sound Of what forever whispered that night He asked me if I was alright So I proceeded to spill the secret soul Then he panicked and the whole Was exiled to the far reaches of the kingdom So far away he won't even sing them As a lullaby to his pain The clouds were too apt to rain Upon the land That used to be sand To hold my feet As they walked to the place where we meet In between the intersection Of my silence and his rejection Of all that could ever be What is the meaning of the word free
Th ship is adrift on the ocean
Am I cliché if I claim emotion
Had me run ragged round the sea
And I just long to see you with me
Arms intertwined
Diamonds mined
Like solid gold bands
On the ring fingers of both our hands
But you broke the circle
That held us as one
Now I’m the daughter
And you are the son
Of the God who saves
And I stared at the empty seat for days
And gaslit myself
Like San Diego
Never thought that you would play me though
As you took your book and ran
And I don’t think I can
Let you in again
I think I’ll go search other men
For that spark of soul in self
I saw you with somebody else
The sound of him
Is everything win
In no forest I can grasp
And maybe I should’ve
But I didn’t ask
Now you have her
And as far as I can tell
Everything is going really well
But I can’t watch you for an eon
Or an era
So I ditched the scales
I used to sear ya
To forbode
You’re carrying a heavy load
And relief
Should be yours
So instead of shutting doors
I’ll leave this one ajar
And love you long time, from afar
The hate boils like oil in my throat
A corrosive on the metal you float
When you send it out to sea
Don’t count on it if you rely on me
Coz man I am no steam train
But I swear if you use that phrase again
I might just pop my cork
The road less travelled and the fork
Is driving me half insane
Did you just use my name
To describe a certain state of mind
But it’s the world I leave behind
When I step out on the bridge
It’s like a Rocky Mountain ridge
As I traverse these perilous seas
That would have anyone on their knees
But I am not designed to please
Only be truthful and real
Do you know what you tried to steal?
I swore I would always be free
But I’m held captive with you
It’s closer we’re getting
To what pulls us through
And the thread is fine
And, Lord knows, I walk the line
Down another avenue
It may be just me and you
In our all and sundry
And it’s just another Monday
Kissing the stars
Or your lips behind prison bars
But I’ve got a key
Would you want to escape with me
In fields of gold
Or do you prefer your cell so cold
And he does a dance with his eyes
The perfect perforation in his disguise
“Would you love me true?”
I will of course, will you love me too
And he bats his eyelashes
Flips them up and down
And he has me already
In a white gown
But I’ve grown out of marriage
Of the dream I once had
Coz the more that I wanted it
The more I felt bad
And it’s silent for a beat
And the heat
Rises between us two
I leave but I come back to you
To regale the tale
Of the Infinite
I don’t know about you
But David might
Take a second glance
Give me love like it’s my last chance
To catch a star
I don’t think I’ll ever know what you are
The power of my voice
I speak and it’s not by choice
It’s like God has hold of my tongue
And I surrendered to Him when I was young
Now he commands more than I can believe
I let Him move me and it relieve
The pressure that’s been building
Up in my soul
Does a wave know it’s water
When it starts to roll
Only to crash back into the sea
Never really leaving the vicinity
Of ocean all the time
I thought I could call the people mine
But they turned on me and the desire
Burned in me like sulfurous fire
Always aching to reach out beyond
They lock me up and I abscond
Only to be returned to the same place again
The bathroom floor and me are great friends
And it is cool against my cheek
Do you remember that time I got weak
And collapsed in front of the class
I didn’t know the Revelation last
Now I’ve got vines pulling at my hands
I’ve got an hourglass and it’s slipping sand
But does God just turn it when the time runs out
So He can achieve without any doubt
And is there a way I can transcend
Something about the riverbend
And being open to what you don’t know
I held on so tight, now I let go
And the winter can’t stop me loving the snow
His hand connected with the wrong side of a blow
And I was felled just like a tree
Except it didn’t really happen to me
Just some grass in the forest
I don’t know what I’m doing, if I’m being honest
But the road is paved, the path is beaten
And I can’t avoid the moment I meet Him
There in the woods of ill repute
You wear a dress, I’ll play the flute
And music will last for the whole night
I look up and grin because I am alright
There's a place for you here In a heart so warm Resilient enough To overcome the storm And the wind is knocking On my door every day But when I meet you There's nothing to say Coz you're clever, you're brash You're the epitome of suave There's no mountain to climb When you assuage My fears with the danger Of what you'll do today I know there's nothing in the world That I can say That will stop you from heaving The weight of the sea But there was a moment You were just there with me In the ashes, in the fire In the brave, in the free You can call it forever Or just destiny But you match my endeavour Like a hidden ring And I know if you asked I'd give up everything To be the summer In your glass of wine Would it be okay If I called you mine?
The sound of defeat as he chooses another lady
And I dunno but I think that she hates me
For intruding on their sacred space
But he was a drug I loved to taste
And the hit was high
And it’s so hard to say goodbye
Like it’s a final sort of end
Or worse maybe we’re still friends
And he could call me pal
But I’m not a second best sort of gal
I’d rather cut my losses and run
Find something else that shines the sun
And who knows, maybe it’s not a man
Maybe there’s no limit to what I can
Do
It’s just not you
And I turn on the radio and it’s a Sony
Listening to that guy that’s lonely
And maybe I’ll meet him in Blue Note
Give him letters that he can quote
Like before
When he beat a path to my door
Only for me to fly
And the year the whole world threatened to die
In a storming cavalcade
Is it a fate we can evade
Or is it an absolute rest
We get the day before the test
Stuck in ‘08
It was my date with fate
As it led me to your door
Did you want me more
More than I can attest
And we’re both fully dressed
But I feel your eyes rake over me
Like we’re naked with destiny
Just us and the come what may
And you fill up the gaps in what I cannot say
But it’s subterfuge and we’re resting in hiding
But there’s something of love that is all abiding
Now you’re sharing your soul with someone else
With skin so thin you could make a heart melt
With the fire that burns off you
It seared a part of me too
And I can’t change the fact of you
I’m not the same and neither are you
But we both kinda are
Like the atoms forged in a star
Or the matter that make time and space
Bend the equivalent of the human race
To the tune of light refract
I never said no but I still want you back
Standing outside my window
It’s true there were days that I looked at him, though
And I cannot deny my feelings were real
With the depth of the red that he deal
An ace of hearts
And mine almost starts
To beat double time
He was the essence of fine
As he’d crack a smile in my direction
Like he’s open to cards if I make selection
And he lives just across the hall
And he kinda caught the ball
When I threw it at him
Is it a decision I cannot win
Coz I love them all
The truth in my own freefall
The sound of you
Has echoed through these halls
And it’s bringing down barriers
And cavernous walls
Until all is a grand open space
With not one instant of my time gone to waste
And I hit pause in 2011
All because the sound of Heaven
Was just too damn real
And you’re not the boy I want to steal
Away with into the night
But you came close to it, alright
And I spill ink on the canvas I draw
I’m like the cold witch and my bones start to thaw
In the sunlight you bequeath
And I guess I’m embarrassed so I stare at my feet
But you turn my face upward with your palm
You look at me and I am calm
I’m the storm that surround
You are worth the way it resounds
And leaves me feeling like friend is ancient
I’m an artist and I try to paint it
But it never lives up to what you are
A feeble try to condense a star
Into matter and fusion
But it was just confusion
To say I don’t love you so
And I just want you to know
That you crack the glass with your smile
And I dream of you for a little while
But it is real as can be
I took the biscuit but just dip it in tea
I was something
And I could see
A new and different version of me
And it’s come to pass
That I have come to ace the class
Of transformation
Coz they flick the tv station
But the score
Is always I want more
Than what is
But I am His
And I found in life
A reflection of his beauty
In a man and it’s my duty
To explain that I
See through the body that die
Into the effortless supreme
I gasped and it woke the dream
You showed me the sky
It was your own shade of blue
And there is a timelessness
That lives in you
And everyone you touch
Is a resonant hum
It took me ten years
To see you’re the One
The One in All
The Jesus who stands
The love of my life
When I’m holding your hands
And they’re soft to the touch
And gentle and warm
Who’d ever have known
We’d have kicked up a storm
Like dust under feet
When the wind blows a tune
Something is echoing
Now you’re in the room
Am I about to dive into the rabbithole scene
I haven’t felt love like this since it was just a dream
And his words are fuckin’ insane
But I still remember his name
And the way his hair curls around in locks
The way he walks a palace that time forgot
And shows me in mornings what’s up for the day
At least that’s what she said when I asked her, okay?
And you know in the quiet what’s left to be said
You’re always making your home where you lay your head
And find something honest and real and true
That was just with them and now it’s with you
In the maybes you ache as you shout a refrain
I love the hope of you and I walked through the rain
To be the storm centre, the very eye
Take care of yourself and make sure you don’t die
At least for another fifty or so years
Make art out of pain when the canvas is tears
And look up to the heavens when the sky clears
I drink one to you when I’m having my beers
I’ll laugh out loud and simply guffaw
When I’m running from stares and the vacancy law
That seems to hold court and company
I don’t know about you but I’m down on one knee
Professing my love to the moon and stars
Do you remember the days when it was prison bars
And nothing meant anything to anyone you know
Now you wave at me as I watch you go
With the train that has taken you from the station
I guess congrats are in order for the celebration
Of all you have earned that is duly yours
And I know you could say that this is all words
When I never make it out of the snowstorm that snaps
Full of whodunnits and who gives a craps
And at least if I’m honest I’ll say this to you
You gave perfect a spin now the ancient is new
Now the midnight is dawn and all the renew
You cut fabric in strips out of jeans that are blue
So you’ve something to wear when the darkness escapes
And teach me the truth that not all heroes wear capes
I spent my youth fearing old age
Now I’m finally flipping the page
And finding out that the aforementioned
Is really not in this dimension
Because I extend out
Far beyond the realms of doubt
To the furnace roar and the circumstance
Do you know the electrons dance
In perpetual motion
And nothing can replace devotion
In the furthering of things
And a million rings
Cannot make me replace
The love that I came here to taste
And just drink in
It wasn’t just with him
But everyone
Everyone the immaculate Son
Of Destiny
Do you think he thinks of me
With his hand on the trigger
A rifle to fire
But love’s not down low
But somewhere higher
To take in the vista
And one can only say “I missed ya”
If you believe the lie
People we love cannot die
But fly
On immutable wings
And everything in creation sings
Of its unborn nature
My love, I could never hate ya
The myth of myself
I rivet the dawn
And make preparations
For when it is all gone
Coz it won’t last forever
This person that I’ve made
You only know the sun
When you’re standing in the shade
You only know the midnight
Because come the dawn
You wake up to the instant
That you truly belong
I am the place I’m looking to get
And it’s just an illusion to say I’m not there yet
Coz I stand in my own pair of boots
Anchored like tree who has roots
Deep in the soil drawing up
Water and nutrients like they are love
And lead to me flourishing with leaves of green
Nothing isn’t all that it may seem
And I’m used like ink in the nib of a pen
I’ll just jot down, can I write it again
And Now comes to pass as always is
The magic is that I am His
It’s a beautiful Saturday evening
Crisp and clean
Like you’d be playing football
On our field of dreams
And I couldn’t reconcile
The golden green mile
I had to walk
Through valleys of talk
And ideals ripped asunder
Days when my number
Was up
But love
Pushed me through the needle eye
Coz it’s not my time to die
At least not just yet
But I don’t forget
Our moment out of time
And the instant you were mine
I held a holy hand
And it was like sand
Slipping through my fingers
Where are the bringers
Of the doom I seem to sense
And the forest is dense
But I’m all good
Pine cone bed in the middle of the wood
The life I swore I wouldn’t live in
I just crawled back towards the sin
And made a stick house out of lollipop sticks
Chew gum and hope that something sticks
Coz I’m out in the open when I’m with you
I shed my clothes coz you asked me to
And in my defense I have none
I gave it up for God’s Son
And I’m humming mobile as I walk
Wonder if I’m just all talk
Or does the substance of me
Have something to give you for free
But you’re all tied up with her
Denying everything we ever were
And I’m the last one in the club
(But I say no to the drug)
You just offer up
But I can’t call this love
Not when you bargain a chip
Then say I’m the one with it
The last one at the table
Look at me if you’re able
Coz you drop your eyes
Like there is no disguise
That could ever keep us apart
And I must admit I am all heart
When it’s beating for you
Don’t walk away just coz I asked you to
I’m just scared that’s all
(And you are really tall)
Could you maybe hold my hand
For a moment’s change before the sand
Runs out of the hourglass
Did I ever tell you you are class!
I’ve never spoken of my feelings for you
And I don’t know why
And I’m always scared
You’re gonna die
Coz I hold you so dear
But you’re never near
And I don’t think you understand
I never had any of this planned
And I know you’ve got a life
And its unreasonable to think a wife
Is what I could be
It’s borderline delusional a history
But I’ve gotta speak this longing in my heart
The reverberations start
When you’re near the scene
And the fabric of my dream
Starts to shimmer
Did you use the dimmer
Switch coz the light in here
Is gone all moody and I fear
That I may be for you over again
I’m fascinated by other men
But you hold this draw
Like you’re the rule and the cosmic law
Pulls me to your door
Don’t you love me anymore?
Is she battered and bruised
Or just slightly used
Coz I can’t clamber back up
Into the heights of our love
It’s like something has been locked out
And it smacks of my doubt
In a crescent moon
And is the end coming soon
Or do we have time
Is it a holy crime
To count the days of tomorrow as now
Coz life won’t let me somehow
It gives me clear directions and tells me write
I look up and you’re alright
So I dip my quill
Let the ink spill
And though I never will
I paint pictures with the upmost skill
Until
The bell chimes
And we’re full of “I’m fine”s
But how are you really
And do you feel me
Or is it just refraction
I’m stifled by my own inaction
In the face of war
Could you tell me what it’s for
Coz I hear the gun ring out
And my self doubt
Spirals a song
Could you tell me what I’m doing wrong?
And I feel our humanity
But it’s just not up to me
As I swim in the stream
Against the current and it’s a dream
Can I wake up now
I’ll hold your hand if you allow
So that we both might stir
My reflection in the still of her
The fire’s brimming full
And I can’t bear the cotton wool
They wrap me in
Can I begin
To become a star
Like the way I feel afar
When the rain is thundering down
And I’m just driving around the town
I used to call home
And am I all alone
Or does she care
And do I dare
To spill the words
Like liquid ink
Is it okay to think
Whatever I like
But, Lord, don’t give her a mic
I was just walking home with Daz
Wondering about that shine he has
And I would’ve asked him up
If I thought he’d’ve wanted a cup
Of tea to warm our bones
Coz we are so far from home
Here in this big city
And it’s a bit shitty
I never told you how I felt
Never let on the cards were dealt
The first time you smiled at me
You know you made me feel pretty
And I feel so aged and old
But it’s not too late for our story to be told
And I wonder how you are
Did you find a star
To shine as bright as you do
And do I still mean something to you?
It’s okay
You’re safe with me
I don’t need to know
Your history
Just stay in the space
Where it is you and I
The tornado spins
But we’re safe in the eye
Of the storm
All around
You can trust me
To hold the sound
Of a tuning fork
What is that that you retort
That I’m not really down
But I pause just outside your town
To see if you’re in there for real
And I would like to steal
Away into the night
But I’ll settle for knowing you
Alright?
Hopping the lines she draws in the sand
I look at her and love is grand
And it’s all a spectrum really
I wonder if she’d ever steal me
Away into the night
Because she made me feel alright
As we talk unto the dawn
But it’s been ten years that I’m gone
And she laughed out loud at stuff I said
Like the man next door might want us dead
Or how I had the hots for a young Blair
And she had the coolest fuckin’ hair
But she’s got a partner now
And some beautiful children that life allows
To have a mother dear
And one thing is crystal clear
I had a girl crush on you
And I dunno, maybe I still do
Though it goes against the grain
I turn my face up unto the rain
Just to feel the feel of it
I sign my name and I quit
This effortless game
She said happy with her name
And she deserves everything she has
Showed me I don’t have to be one of the lads
I can just be the quiet me
A warm jumper and the tea
Is this an artist’s rendering
Of unimaginable pain
It all came down on me
Like thunderous rain
And I look afar
There was no sign
But I’m still so sure
Of what was once mine
That’s just barely there
But still it is
I was hers
Before I was his
And all I do is hide it
There are days I can’t abide it
But I trudge through the snow
Is it wrong to let her know
How much I suffered without her
And I’m all faith but there are days a doubter
Like Thomas and the Saviour
It took years to raise her
Up from the phoenix and ash
I swore I’d be there if you’d ever come back
But it’s like using a cane
To get around
It works but it’s not the exact sound
Of the step I used to know
And I can’t let go
Of all the people I love
The ones beside me
The ones above
The days that close in the evening
The team and Don’t Stop Believing
In all that you used to be
Is there somewhere it is you and me?
I remember the chats I used to have
With a certain Shane
And maybe I shouldn’t mention his name
But he made me feel awesome socks
I ran away when the door knocks
And it’s him asking to be let in
And I just shout over the din
Of the silence that resounds
Sometimes the quiet is the only sound
And he’s too quick to doubt belief
I stand listening like a thief
That would steal away a word
Like it’s the best thing I’ve ever heard
And we lost the Americans that day on the bus
And our friend is where I place my trust
As I lean on her arm for support
We’ve always had a kind of rapport
Ever since that day in Delphi
Where we saw the sheep like an elf we
Had a vision of the whole land
Washing over the waves like sand
And she’s taller than I can believe
And cooler than I can thieve
Away from the sky
Something binds us until we die
And I hung out with the engineers
And found some moments that life endears
Me to all and sundry
Just don’t look for sunny on a Monday
And she’s the one who told me to scrawl
My thoughts on the internet like a graffitied wall
And I’ve gotta be grateful to her and all
As I jumped up to catch the ball
And land with running feet
To the place where destiny meet
It’s tv on the radio and all I see
Is you throwing shapes at me
Love, he reaches out to you
And, God, I don’t know what to do
But I move my feet
To the tune of his beat
And it’s not quite a dance
Coz it’s woken from the trance
And music don’t sound the same
But I vibrate to the holy name
Of the one who saved my life
Not once but more than I’d like
And I’ve been relegated in the extreme
But it’s only within the dream
I guess I just couldn’t be myself
Because of the wealth
Of rules and strictures
And there’s all these guys taking pictures
And you can’t trust
Something when it’s based in lust
There’s gotta be something more
But when you look at me I adore
Myself reflected in your eyes
And in your aura there’s no disguise
You see right through
To what I didn’t mean to show you
Or anyone
But the sun
Just shone
And then you were gone
And I grasped air
In the place where you were there
Til I found you again
And I swear off all men
But your soul pulls the floor
And I unslam the door
And let you back in
If I’m a competitor can I let you win
Coz I don’t wanna lose
The point I came here to prove
That you’re the best thing I never had
And my good is so bad
When you contemplate the style
But I’ll keep you on file
And flick through the memory scene
Do you wanna make the dream
Real and true
Oh God, what I would do with you! 😉
The Poetry Book 