Dancing With Diamonds

Jakob Owens on Unsplash.com
Just another day of Diamonds
He laughs then takes my hand
And I can feel the wind in the way we’ve sinned
Saying that we’ll both be grand
He’s like the dew in the morning
Light to the touch
And I think that he knows
That I love him so much
As I avoid his stare
But I’m still all there
As he moves in close to my face
And there’s something I can’t replace
Like when we split the coin in Liverpool
And we’re acting like two kids in school
Laughing in all the wrong places
And he kind of crinkles his face
To let me know that he’s okay
That silence is in what I can’t say
And it’s been years
But it’s also right now
And he carries
The lightning somehow
In his pocket as he storms up a scene
And I swore those days were like a fucking dream
Young and wild and free as the air
There was no cost that we didn’t spare
As we paid with our hearts
Did we know that we’d part
Somewhere in the crystalline
But there was a moment dazzling was mine
In his effortless
And the kind of mind you can’t second guess
In his sincere
And the way he was just so near
As he smiles at me and holds my stare
I know he loved me because I was there
And tomorrow’s an avenue
And they past’s a monument
And I ran from the scene
Coz I can’t give you what you want
But do you think somewhere
Among all the tears
We could make up
The wasted years
And just hold hands
And lie in bed
You caught me with messy hair
And my face went red
But in the moment it’s okay
Because in your eyes
I’m whole, full of soul
Nothing to aggrandize
And you’re still there
Somewhere, somehow
Some kind of enchanted
That I’ll allow
As sparks fly
In the rhythm section
And I think you’ve got me down
Til I pull an inflection
But we’re so serene
And if we’re in this together then you’re a dream
In your fiery ways
You’re the kind of home that simply stays
Exactly where it’s always been
If I cut the lights could I be your queen
Coz you star my sky with little lights
And we make up after all our fights
As we just embrace
I loved you once now I’m in space
That you open for me
And I never knew wings til they set me free
And I’ve just got to express
That those days in that dress
Make me miss your beautiful warmth
The kind of hearth that mocks the storm
Would you be by my side
If I said let truth abide
And hold you close
I let you in, now you’re making a toast
As I video phone
The moment so when I’m alone
I can watch the replay
Do you know I love you more, okay?
And there have been pilgrimages
To foreign lands
But I’ll think of you
In the slipping sands
So much older now
But something is as it was somehow
Brimming full of angels that sing our song
It’s been more than a decade since you belong
And I meditate
On what exactly it means to be in that state
But I can’t repair
The feeling of you not being there
Til you speak aloud
Are you for real, I thought you were too proud
But you’re cutting the ribbon
And Lord, I forgive him
For never let me know in time
Do you think you could just be mine?

Secret Smiles

Corey’s eyes are like a jungle

He smiles, it’s like the radio

Taylor Swift
Darling, you’ve got stars in your eyes
And I’m full of existential whys
But you are the answer without reason
My safe space in open season
And I could cacophony the sound
But I always want you around
In the depths of my consciousness
In the moments we exist
Whether on the astral plane
Or in the summer as the clouds rain
And I throw back my head laughing with you
And it’s not just coz you want me to
There is a sense that together
Could be the place beyond the weather
And in these shoes that I’m walking
Is the memory of the two of us talking
Silent and sincere or open hearted
It’s like I asked and the oceans parted
And if we never come to be
Could you still realise what you mean to me
In oft tried second glances
Or just the air we breathe taking chances
Could you smile and let the light shine
For me just one more time
As you look absolute
The one place I’ve found truth
In the wisdom of our youth
Do you think it’s a just pursuit
Or are we just running away
Filled with things we cannot say
In silence spaces and in highs
You and I are not goodbyes

The Regressive Movement

Are we on the brink
Of a regressive movement
Where the skies go black
And we lose it
All to a dream
Of forever
Can we keep rowing
A hopeful endeavor
Down the river to the sea
And I’m just checking
Does He mean me?
When He says girl
Go do my will
I gotta shape up until
Destiny takes me by the hand
Says, love, it’s gonna be grand
But all I can see are these castles made of sand
And people crying out for a superman
Are we really going back
To a dark age
I spill my heart in
Ink upon the page
Say show me a way
United not divide
Where everyone has their say
And we value what’s alive
And for all the forecasts
The doommongering prophecy
I am still absorbed
By this light inside of me
That never dims, it only grows
With the heat of love it glows
Into a warm embrace
And He’s in every face
Like He lifted up His arm
And the sea was calm
So do I need to be frightened
Over the enlightened
Am I just Peter holding on to You In case he sinks
Is that my relationship to You
It could be methinks
But how do I just trust
In the words that You say
That you are with me Now
Always and everyday



Photo by Anastasia Taioglou on Unsplash.com

Darkness Tremble

Trusting in the Christ
Was the best decision of my life
And I’m no girl to be a wife
Just one to bring the light
And I’ve always trusted in you
From the living room to the pew
Singing songs in tribute to
The glory and the faith I have in you
And darkness eventually came to call
I’m young and lying against a wall
Crying tears in a free for all
But you brought the love to stop the fall
And lift me up, now I’m on my feet
And I know there’s nothing I could meet
That would bring me defeat
Now that your mercy speak
For me amongst the chasm so bleak
How am I standing if I’m weak
And there’s nothing left to seek
Now that I’ve found that holy heat
That burns in the heart of me
A consciousness that’s been set free
As I proclaim eternity
In every blade of grass that I see
Called upon to be the voice
To speak silence in the noise
And draw all souls into you
Just tell me what to do

Peace In The Modern Age

Peace in the modern age
Is looking towards the sage
And the guidance that they issue forth
Whether I’m in a cave or on your porch
And there’s no need to bang on doors
Or be windswept on the moors
For love to come true
It lives in the heart of you
And fire ignites but the Spirit knows
That where the path leads It goes
Down subtle lanes or foggy marsh
You’re not alone in the dark
Coz its guidance never leaves
It doesn’t need you to believe
Only trust and let go
Have faith in what you do not know
Nor can you ever understand
How It holds you in Its palm
And you are never left unfulfilled
Because the Love of God is willed

The Star That Shines

Dazzling star I want to sing you a song
That you could never ever put a foot wrong
That you are sitting so high in the sky
And I’m gonna love you til the day that I die
And you are so shy but you’re strong and secure
And my God do you reflect something pure
As it’s dancing in your eyes like a moon on a lake
And all these cobblestones I will forsake
As I make my way to you once more
Do you think he’d be behind the closed door
And all I’d have to do is knock
I sure think he still loves me a lot
And gentle is the sound that you resound
You give me the feeling of solid ground
And I wish to hold you but you’re far away
Probably making loads of other people’s day
Like you shone in mine for a while
I will never forget the smile
You smiled at me when I stopped at your place
I hold dear that look on your face
And what a night, it is billowing smoke
And I’m older now and more prone to joke
Around just a little bit
And boy were you looking fit!
But it’s more than that and I think you know
Yours are fields I would love to go
And lay down in the meadow and contemplate the stars
A billion lights to show me what you are
And hold your hand or lift up your head
Do you think I could love you instead?
Instead of this incessant wandering around
I think you were the home that I found

Beaches

Leave up your tools
Leave up your weapons
Your weariness
And your confessions
Your striving to
Be better than most
Your kneeling to
The Holy Ghost
Give it all up
And follow me now
Into the depths
Of what I’ll allow
Into the chasm
A cave of sorts
There’s no one left
With whom to consort
Give up your tired
Old way of thieving
And all your absence
Of believing
All the ways
You rid yourself
Of the world
And everything else
Give up the struggle
For you’ve struggled in vain
To hold my hand
Under the rain
I bring the Sun
For I am That
Follow me now
And don’t look back

God, Gimme a Sign….Oh, Right

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This is the first and only time I’ll write a poem
To go with a gif I found
Its just the feeling of being fucked with
By the Universe is too profound
I go looking for apples and there is an orchard
Of trees growing in my house
I go looking for lions and find them in nets
So I can be the mouse
And every day its clearer, every day its true
There is a third energy coming from me and you
Pilfering our daydreams right out of our hands
And making them come true outside of demands
From places we can’t hold and heavys we can’t lift
Accept the love you’re given because its a gift
And worrying too much and being a try hard
Is only blocking windows because horizons are too far
And even though I doubt and even though I claim
I fall by the wayside and am picked up again
By a power I don’t know and surely can’t contain
Don’t curse falling water when you love the rain
And don’t try to make it sacred, don’t try to make it holy
When using words like wisdom that are coming from you only
And making it a monster or making it a queen
Denys the reality of living the daydream
That was made and designed by a higher hand
He brought Him to You so trust the command

Kissing the Sky

Funny feeling that though he may not want me I am still okay
And that I can survive on the love of every day
From the plants, from the trees and nonetheless from him
For though he may deny it I know it beats within
In blood and in veins that are solid gold
But so are mine I see, though I have not been told
To look and revolutionise the vision of my palms
I am the lake, the ocean and these are my calms
No enforced stability, no discipline held high
Just the truth of a being that knows something that can’t die
And sees it in the rushing movement of the leaves
All the world is heaven to one who needs nothing to believe
And smile to myself, in a secret, silver fold
I never knew the universe was there for me to hold
In its peril and its fantasy, it’s motion and the tide
I am the evidence of the thing you’ve never tried
So sincerely honest in the feelings that maintain
That there lies beneath a sunlight that will overcome the pain

Small Wonder

There are some things you cannot deny
Like a love that will never die
Like honesty and what is right within
You cracked my exoskeleton
Thin into a little strands
That broke apart into your hands
And smiling as you realised
You held it all in the tears you cried
That could never be wrong or crossing the line
I think you and I will be just fine
As we make a bloodless, solemn pact
That we will always come back
To this place we share and each other
I love you, darling, my soul brother
As we’re held together by more than thread
You show your fragility instead
Of the angry exterior wall
Of strength and impressions fall
As I realise that you are him
I’ll never have to look again

Stuttered Ignition

Love breaks bones and makes you appreciate pain
Finding someone worth suffering for through the rain
And you grow forests from the seeds in your hands
But there is one thing you do not understand
That I loved you more than you could ever love me
And I left to spare your dignity
I was the one to walk away you see
So you could have all you’re meant to be
And it hurt but I’m an anchor and I would drag you down
Turn that magnificent smile into a frown
Hold you in place so you cannot move
Because you’re what I’m afraid to lose
So, I let you leave though you told me you were going
You were like a sea creature I sent to the ocean
Made you take steps though you double doubted
The implications of words that I shouted
I could see it in your face, the indecision, and I had to be cold
Turn my face away from what I want to hold
Though you are beating my heart
And every move you make tears me apart
Why am I so alone?
How did you get into my home
This way, like it was a common feat
Like you had never tasted defeat
Didn’t even think it, didn’t hesitate
You just read the patterns I had made on my plate
Horrified and thrilled, I thought maybe
You were the one who could get the best of me
See through the war I made with myself
Tell me it didn’t matter, there is no one else
But you were human and unsure and you don’t hold the blame
I set fire to everything that touched my name
And you, only you, did not burn
That’s the lesson that I learned

…………….I love you

LightSaber

There’s a sadness in our laughter
And I can’t make the smile crack my eyes
There’s a pain underneath the surface
And it all feels like lies
Like the truth we cannot grasp
And I want to walk away
But we are now so seldom
Something makes me stay
And all of your excitement
Seems in direct contravention
To the lives that we have lived
And the things we do not mention
But, in truth, I do not blame you
That you kicked off from the shore
It just hurt to know
You don’t love me anymore

Combustion

I have a propensity to fall for dark eyed men
The kind you love then never see again
Don’t know what it is about their twisted souls
But there’s a depth I can’t plumb and I am sold
As you watch the light dawn in someone’s else’s eyes
Their sensitivity cracks and to your surprise
They break wide open into your hands
And look at you as though no one understands
As if you’ve been admitted to their confidence strange
But you’re at the mercy of what will change
As the sands shift the ground under your feet
It was only that one time that we got to meet
And though they throw reputations like yours to the dirt
They can’t make me regret the way that it hurt
The perfect pain to stand on your stage
Realising I’m a scene on the previous page
And I’m left in the wings just to look on
At what never was mine and now is long gone
To think I could hold your soul in my palm
The silence belying a deadly calm
Like standing in the eye of a hurricane
Two seconds later it’s ripped apart again
But though you protest to innocent degrees
About what you meant, I do not believe
Though you may try to conquer the sea
Doesn’t mean you can escape what you are to me
As oceans swell and fall back with the tide
I signed up for it all so I’m down for the ride
And if it may happen the moment perchance
I’ll just be the post script you tried to romance
And emotionally abuse what you have found
I have to admit I love when you’re around
Because for all the lies you conceal with a stare
You cannot hide what I know is there
And hidden beneath each surface I touch
Is someone within and I love you so much
Though they may call it codependency
They never saw horizons like you and me
And clipped are their wings as they settle for less
Than the subtle perfection in my distress
So don’t regret what you cannot achieve
I am forever bound to the darkness you weave
And what is real will stand monumental
You’re not a bad guy just cause you are gentle
And let your voice drop so soft and low
I only hate what I don’t want to go
Cause you can’t abstain from all you desire
I never want to be the one to put out your fire
Ephemerality and the lack of constraint
Are all a part of the picture you paint
And I guess I just wished I could be the one
To unlock the chains so you’d come undone
And relish the life that makes you what you are
But I am only light fusion bound within a star
An effortless firefly in the cosmos complete
I was born to be gracious in defeat
And find the source of the unquenchable longing
The home to fulfil my sense of belonging
The ache that never seems to go out
But you soothe it so easily with your mouth
And the words that spill from your lips
Dash on the rocks as my mask slips
Into trust and vulnerability
As you perceive strength in my fragility
And though there is substance in all you portray
They just write you off as consuming your prey
But I could never object to being such quarry
Or bend the knee to say that I am sorry
Though you steal from me all I ever had
The reality of you could never be bad
Never knew what it meant til I got you alone
You are the crack in my heart of stone
A weakness no one can repair
The mark you left will always be there
And they say don’t suffer just as evidence
But I’ve always lived this way because I can’t condense
My feelings into a digestible form
I may be an ice princess but my blood is warm
A reminder of what is eternally true
In the cynicism we’ve grown through
And that somewhere, somehow a celestial being
Once gave me the gift of what he was seeing
To be revolved in perceptual bliss
I only grieve the things that I miss
And even loss can be profound
When you listen to the open sound
And realise in space and time
You can’t always make matter of what is divine
And claimed by death must always be
The starcrossed lovers of destiny

Burning Strong

I’ve held it back for so long you see
From loving you and my destiny
It almost feels strange to breathe in the air
Feel the wind rustle calmness through my hair

I was born for this, I know I was
I was holding myself back because
Of all of my doubts, of all of my fears
All of this shaking has taken my years

But you knew that day, I saw it in your eyes
Knew my path and saw through my lies
You didn’t say a thing, didn’t judge me or hate
For living untruths and turning from fate

You didn’t hit me or call cynical tones
You listened to me with no throwing stones
You bowed your head and leaned in to my face
As I spoke my soul into that space

Your instinct was right, I saw it in your mind
As I begged you not to be cruel or unkind
But you knew better and I knew that you did
And still in my weakness I ran and hid

I just want to thank you for being so wise
And for knowing me better than I did at that time
I’ll never forget what you gave me for free
Trusted what you could not see

You trusted me to hold your hand
Though betrayal was my only plan
You stood beside me in my loss
You didn’t run or pay the cost

Sat side by side though I was wrong
Gave me somewhere to belong
Our secrets stories are coming true
I share it with the world and you

I feel somehow you understand
How I have changed my marching band
You were spot on when you predicted
I was a tenant soon to be evicted

I was confused and in delirium wandered
Into a forest where my wealth was squandered
But I found my way out eventually
Back to the place fitting for me