A Winter In Summertime

There was a winter in summertime
As I laid claim to all that’s mine
The showers awash with rain
Holding myself together amongst the pain
As she clicked her lips to all my flaws
But when the sun burns all the ice thaws
In the mystery of a silent barricade
The house I live in, the home I’ve made
Was all but naught to the blowing wind
When you grow up, do you know you’ve sinned
Or do you just grow out of that sort of thing
Dreaming of a sky or a diamond ring
To annunciate what’s inside
The Eternal to abide

Poems About You

I can’t just keep writing poems about you
Not when the Real is here
And you never seem
To reply to me, dear
And the sidelines are awash
With all the fragrant flames
Knocking down the obstacles
And taking names
And you showed me your true colours
Like a multi hued sky
And I was not afraid
To either live or die
But only meet the honest
That is shining in your eyes
I think I might have seen you
Without your best disguise

Light Hands

Holding my Catholicism with a light hand
I believe in Jesus and shur it’ll all be grand
Coz I trust in the Infinite
Even in the dark of midnight
When everything closes down
And all you can see is the town
That held you back
Lost in everything you lack
But that celestial sphere
Of burning white light is always near
And comforts me in my trauma
So I walk amid the flora and fauna
Just to feel the Nature in my bones
It’s been years since I knew alones
And even in the event of catastrophe
I know the Lord walks with me
Together with two pair of feet
He leaves one set of steps on the beach
As He carries me all the way home
I guess that’s how the True Love is shown

Steal Away Home

I think I would steal away home
To find the letters you wrote on stone
In tablet form with a stylus
The reams of literature can’t confine us
Coz we are a storm by the light of day
But in the night we are okay
As you put one finger on my pulse
And wait for the racing heart to lull
Into the birth of silent trust
The reams of gold that will not rust
Only gaze in steady charm
The love of God is safe from harm

To Wake The Soul

Can I just lie here on your chest
Be done with all the doing my best
And just slip into a peaceful slumber
You’re calling me but I lost your number
And the answer’s like a dictaphone
I’m in my room all alone
Dreaming of a time less hidden
And waves to roll that stroll unbidden
And monuments are the days to come
The forever in the being young
But the timeless in the growing old
There’s part of the story that’s never told
But waits in stillness and in silence whole
The power of love to wake the soul
The power of emptiness come undue
The strength in the gaze of you
The solidity and the trust
I’ll give up the pain if it’s a must
And if you’re serious about the past
Then the future will everlast
But the truth is in a moment free
We’re talking and he’s looking at me
As the time flies by and the hours pass
I didn’t know your name, didn’t think to ask
But smile as if it’s all left to do
I’m in love and it’s with you

Of Words And Trees

Afraid of my own words
It’s like a tree being afraid of the birds
Never mind, it’s true
I can’t hide any of this from you
As I take pencil to page
To rattle the walls of every cage
To let the dark out
The demons can’t hurt you if you shout
And call the sky into being
It is the waves that I am freeing
To know their ocean nature
Like the moon so in tune with every crater
I smile at the good of it all
Cause I found solid ground in the freefall

Black Holes and Daydreams

There she goes out on a spin
I wonder will I end up with him
Coz the spiral galaxies can’t contain
Anything that is less than rain
And it all cascades from a cloud
When you speak do you do it out loud
And are you proud
Of all you’ve come to be
Do you really see
Or just threaten so
I ask because it’s somewhere I go
Sometimes
And all my rhymes
Can’t fill the awning gap in my soul
How do you find yourself in a black hole
Singular true
The point of eternity flowing from you

Storm To Be Seen

There’s a whole storm coming up to be seen
It’s what made a nightmare out of the dream
Of all of the goodbyes I scream in the night
Are the way I give up on all of my fight
To go washing down the avenue
Like the river I’ve made of you
And I don’t know what paints the scene
I can just feel an inner screen
Longing to wake itself up in me
Be liberated from our history
And it’s shouting out, love, be free
And I feel the weight of dignity
Smiling to an inner sun
I think that guy might be the one
In all that’s been left unsaid
And things I think of in my bed
Where we’ve made a life so true
With all the colours I see in you
And you in me
I wonder what we’ll get to be
If we can live our mystery
Like holding hands in a hidden space
Finding our own sort of place
That we can be together for forever
My love for you’s beyond the weather

Digits and Prose

He’s got my number 
And I’ve got his address
And we both have something
To confess
As we laugh and we smile
And walk down the road
The rain is pummeling
But it hasn’t showed
As his beauty consume
And I’m seeing stars
Do you think this is what it means
To be chasing cars
Coz he’s steady as a rock
And we’ll never be what we’re not
In the notes he takes
I see the page and I hit the brakes
Coz I can’t take this ride with you
You saw inside and I don’t mean to
Be flakey but I’ve got to run
Because I still love someone


Photo Credit: Yannick Pulver on Unsplash.com

Ending My Enmity

I’m ending the fight I have with the stars
Running through fields like I’m chasing cars
And the sound of you is on the breeze
Like a younger me the tree frees
As I’m walking through the columns and rows
Letting go of the loss of anything goes
And finding my steadfast in the sight
Of everything in the firelight

Arrowheads

Things are changing rapidly
But they’re also staying the same
Love seems to be
The name of the game
As we grow and garden plants
But from the sky we look like ants
And do you think that such a view
Can contain the heights of you
Or the depth of your soul
You don’t have to pay the toll
Of living in a body human
The cars pass by zooming
And I wonder if I could catch a glance
Would it move me like another chance
As we all spend the scene
Then call change a certain dream
Because we are meant to grow
Not torture each other, you know
And the weight of troubled times
Live with us like the crimes
We secretly commit
Or who we’re talking with
On the down low
I let it go, or don’t you know

Narrow Arms

I’ve got narrow arms
I’ve always been thin
And I’m so short
Beside him
But he makes me feel
Ten stories high
And I’ll love him
Til the day I die
Or longer and further
If I may
But I want him
To know, okay
Letting go
Of the years I hid
Always holding out
For the highest bid
But something in
The way he smiled
Had me walking
All these miles
Back to the place
I started
The moment when
Faith imparted
Us with just
A moment to spare
And I can tell
When you’re not there
And when you are
Like a cosmic star
Does she realise
Just how far
This love will go
It’s forever
I hope you know
It threads the needle
So very fine
And is a step
Out of time
Into what
You can only call
The root
Of it all
Grown in ground
Like steady soil
So, let go
Of all your toil
And rest back into
The arms of Heaven
As secure as
The number eleven

Pictures Of You

I just remember his eyes
I don’t know whether they’re green or blue
Except for that picture of you
That I saw on a screen miles away
Now you’re where I was that day
Somewhere in a big, big city
But lonely and that’s a pity
Coz we could be something, don’t you agree
But you only talk to a picture of me
And I ain’t making war
Coz, God knows, what for
And I don’t hate what you had to do
That you have someone walking with you
And it’ll never be what we were
But maybe it’s better and you stir
To match the moment of her
And she looks like she catches your glance
I bet she never asks you to dance
Coz you move like you’re in a trance
And I would take another chance
Out on the wind
Is it to have sinned
To want what isn’t yours to crave
A desire I try hard to save
From getting to the heart of me
And we’re apart but you see
I’ve got you buttoned on my shirt
It was never meant to hurt
But I can hear it in your voice
Do we have another choice?
The full force of the machine hit me across the skull
And I’ve skin as thin as cotton wool
As I try to find the deep reverb
To silence noise with a word

Innocent Men

Looking into the eyes
Of innocent men
Could you spell that
For me again
It reframes
My female pain
As not something
I’d wanna go through again
And I know it’s justified
It’s just that I might’ve lied
When I said it’s all your fault
And I locked you in a vault
But then I see once more
The light of consciousness I adore
Shining forth from the heart of you
And it’s all that I can do
To open heart and surrender
Forget something I tried to remember
For so long and with so much strive
I’m just glad you’re alive
And we can call this mission one
My God, you shine just like the sun

Juxtaposition

I don’t want the traditional life
Not hand to shoulder then be a wife
I want to soar with my wings full open
Not getting by or how you coping
I want to see the stars with my own eyes
I want to shed my leaves like a disguise
And stand solid like a tree
Are you making fun of me
Coz I know you are all motion
And I am still, I’m just supposing
You think I’ve missed out on stuff
But there’s more than one way to love
There’s more than one way to be
But it’s rare the one who really see
With their own eyes deliberately
Don’t think you’ve made a fool of me
Cause I dive in loving the water
Priceless doesn’t mean you’ve bought her
Only that you’ve reserved a space
In the corner of her face
When she smiles up at you
I love it coz I would too

Young and Mysterious

22 is a long way behind me
I’m just feeling nostalgic so don’t mind me
And the energy is bittersweet
Like the coast the ocean sweep
And I’ve grown up but I’m down
It’s been years since I’ve worn a classic gown
Back when I was in with the Commerce crowd
And I almost said your name aloud
When Isabelle asked if I
Had the hots for any guy
And what would have been if my tongue hadn’t tripped
Would you be the one I’m walking with
Coz I’m long past empty and far past subside
And I still remember your diamond eyes
As they gazed up at me from the edge of the bed
I was looking down at all they said
And you just on the side of your seat
Was it fate that made us meet
Coz I’m always feeling we’re supposed to be
I lean on you like a tree
So solid and secure
You look at me and I am pure
In my intent to do you well
How did I get so lost, I cannot tell
I just wanna know what it’d be like
To have a song where you’d grab the mic
And interject your own pause
There should be a hidden clause
That says when I get near to you
I’ll find a love that can do
No wrong
So I wrote you this song
Will you hear
Coz, my dear
I’m never far away
And I still love you, okay?

Til The Day I Die

I wonder if he ever thinks of me
It’s been years since I set him free
And it all collided into a perfect chasm
Now I look away coz I know she has him
And I don’t begrudge her the joy of the act
It’s just, you see, I want him back
And it doesn’t matter what storms my sky
I’ll still love him to the day that I die

Pressure Towards Hedonism

There's a pressure towards hedonism
Throwing it all away
I've grown up with cocaine
In the news every day
And I can't match my shoes
With the pieces they sell
It seems to me
Like it's going to hell
In a masquerade as truth
The loss of innocence and youth
And the trials, they go by in the crew
The media to pay its due
For selling what you cannot buy
I dunno, I had to try
To be the last one on the stoop
The breath of air, the fresh, recoup
And I'll never land where they're saying
Coz I'm still taken with praying
Each and every night to a God I love
I'm not sure if He is above
Or everywhere all around
Omnipotent as the sound
Of my own breathing
And the needing
Escapes into the air
Almost as if it wasn't there
And I smile
At you across the fifteen mile
Between us both
You get the horse and we'll take the coach
Just to go up the hill
Your magnificence never will
Cease to amaze me
C'mon, baby, save me
Or is this just an illusion
Fighting the tide of confusion
That weathers the land
The Irish say, it'll all be grand
Meaning okay
I still love you in that way
Even though you infuriate
And that date
Was something to come by
Now it's all open sky
And I have to be grateful
That you boxed the hateful
As "I don't mean it really"
And I found something steal me
Away into hallowed halls
Over bridges and brick walls
Into a peace that will never end
Do you think you could be my friend?

Second Guess

You’re in the past
But the feeling’s still present
I wonder if I could
Knock on your door guessing
Wondering
If you’d let me in
And I would explain
Everything about him
That it was momentary
A flash in the pan
But you are everything
That I am
And I’d pause and then say
Wait for you to reply
Hope we could be close
Before we both die
Coz life is so brief
It’s barely a flicker
I ran after you
Your steps just got quicker
Til you slowed yourself down
To the sound of my voice
Say, I didn’t know
That there was a choice
And look at me
In a sort of awe
I’m sorry I’m lovely
And kind of outlaw
And you take forever
Just to answer
Say, I took you for love
Not a dancer
And I beg you to listen
With the words that I say
It’s just I’ve never been heard
In quite that way
And the silence is deafening
But so is the noise
And I’ve been all about men
And one of the boys
But you take time
To really know me
I give you space
As we walk so slowly
Into a garden
That none suspect
I thought our love
And the whole thing was wrecked
But you say it’s not
And you press my pulse
Into my wrist
As the lightning dulls
The terrifying pain
Of being right here
And not knowing what
To say to you, my dear
But there is just an always
In between us it resides
And my heart’s the kind of thing
That simply abides
In the summer, in the winter
Trundling through the snow
I loved you so much
I let you go
But if you really
Want to be right here
Then I am waiting
For you, my dear
The doors unlocked
And you have a key
So no need to go
Second guessing me
No need to go drawing
A line in the sand
Just look into my eyes
And hold my hand
And feel my heart
Beating tremor
It’s just like you’ve
Found true love forever

Iceberg Reality

She’s like a sister to me
And there are waves in our history
And all we are
Shines brighter than any star
As I hold her close to my heart
In that place we’re never apart
And it’s scary, letting the truth sneak through
But I think I must let you know you
Are the diagrams I always draw
While waiting for the ice to thaw
The expanse that opens a sky
Of constellations that never lie
And map our lives so precise
We never fight coz we are alright
With what we’ve been and what we do
You’ve got to know the storm in my story is you
As cold meets warm and sparks a fire
The light of electricity to conspire
To illuminate the dark of night
Are you okay coz I’m alright
I’m just sneaking sideways to see what you’re at
If you’ve got the genie, I’ve got the mat
And we can make the scene extra real
With the fabric of daydreams with which we deal
And there are moments that we steal
While waiting for the film to reel
And you have got these books written in your soul
I can see the weight of time getting old
With all that you’re not letting through
How is it I can see it better than you?
When you’re so informed when it comes to the spirit
And there’s been a call but did you hear it
If there’s something in your way will you clear it
Or just stay back and silently fear it
Coz all the tomorrows are brewing their own tea
And you have been the closest thing to me
That I could’ve ever known
I love you with the heart of true colours shown
And in the midnights that read our book
Do you think this thing deserves a second look
To let go and be
I’m onto your iceberg reality

Paper Scissors

Did someone say Stephen  
I know the ends aren't even
But I would stand on the tips of my toes
Just to kiss you again, God knows
And we're all starlight, the perfect refrain
He makes origami out of my pain
He folds and creases it until
Something beautiful is on the windowsill
And I know I can't touch you, you're out of bounds
But I'm kind of glad you're always around
To soothe my soul into something nice
I fell in love at first sight, twice
And maybe forever is too far to run
And we were over before we ever begun
But I just see sidelines in the melee
And I couldn't believe he was talking to me 
In his innocent and lovely, beautiful eyes
For you I would forsake all the lies
Hold you tight in both of my arms
Know my love keeps us both from harm 
But you're sideways and awesome, I'm on a tilted stage
And I know that trend may be all the rage
But I'm singing it only for your soul 
Let's ditch the formalities and rock and roll 

Love and a Fire Sign

Love, 
Is at its most powerful
When open doors
Meet it
At every shore
And I've been scared
Of my wild heart
Which pulls me 
All apart
When I
Don't know
What I'm doing 
Anymore
It makes my spirit soar
And takes my hand
Tells me that it will be grand
In country tones
Or Dublin when he's on the phone
Batting lashes
And I phoenix from the ashes
To blaze anew
A fire sign just for you
And interestingly
You just sigh
Tell me a feigned goodbye
Coz I know
You wanna hear more
And I can count
The numbers that you score
With your perfect tune
And movement when
Nobody's in the room
Could I hold out a hand
Would you catch it
Would you be my man
And let the drifting go
I see you where you are, you know
And love you as you be
There's no monstrosity to see
But pulverised
From all your shaking
You're in the room
My boots are quaking 
But I stay 
Please tell me you love me that way
In a summertime share
Or an I know that you care
More than you let on
It's not gone 
But eternal here
I love you always, my dear 

Ended Up In Hillstreet Again

I’ve somehow ended up in Hillstreet again
Searching for you amongst the men
It’s like following the paths of the birds
I’m looking for directions but they’re all words
And I’m driving down roads I don’t understand
They meander through ways I didn’t have planned
And it’s ancient and advanced and something so serene
Do you think the tapestry is just a dream
As we paint with the colour we find
And all our problems we leave behind
And it’s nothing new to say that you
Starred in a role you didn’t want to
But could it have been for anyone else
I know that you say I’m wasting my wealth
Singing up to windows like yours
But your love opens doors
Into a new refrain
One without the well of pain
And I sigh
This isn’t goodbye
Just a see you soon
What would we do if we had a room
To get locked into
You know I didn’t choose any but you
As the blinds filter light
But I’m following something that’s more than worth the fight
In Autumn air
And the sound of you just being there
And I’m in my car
Wondering where on earth you are
And if you ever think
Of that night you bought me a drink
Then laughed at the good
Of our bobbing for apples the way that we would
Have done if no one was there
And I’m watching you watching me stare
In the hallway or din
Is there any replica of him
Or am I forever bound
To go deaf to the sound
Of the calling of Christ
As He asserts Himself in my life
As a myriad of form
I touched your skin and it was warm
Against mine
I love you always for all of time

Dancing With Diamonds

Jakob Owens on Unsplash.com
Just another day of Diamonds
He laughs then takes my hand
And I can feel the wind in the way we’ve sinned
Saying that we’ll both be grand
He’s like the dew in the morning
Light to the touch
And I think that he knows
That I love him so much
As I avoid his stare
But I’m still all there
As he moves in close to my face
And there’s something I can’t replace
Like when we split the coin in Liverpool
And we’re acting like two kids in school
Laughing in all the wrong places
And he kind of crinkles his face
To let me know that he’s okay
That silence is in what I can’t say
And it’s been years
But it’s also right now
And he carries
The lightning somehow
In his pocket as he storms up a scene
And I swore those days were like a fucking dream
Young and wild and free as the air
There was no cost that we didn’t spare
As we paid with our hearts
Did we know that we’d part
Somewhere in the crystalline
But there was a moment dazzling was mine
In his effortless
And the kind of mind you can’t second guess
In his sincere
And the way he was just so near
As he smiles at me and holds my stare
I know he loved me because I was there
And tomorrow’s an avenue
And they past’s a monument
And I ran from the scene
Coz I can’t give you what you want
But do you think somewhere
Among all the tears
We could make up
The wasted years
And just hold hands
And lie in bed
You caught me with messy hair
And my face went red
But in the moment it’s okay
Because in your eyes
I’m whole, full of soul
Nothing to aggrandize
And you’re still there
Somewhere, somehow
Some kind of enchanted
That I’ll allow
As sparks fly
In the rhythm section
And I think you’ve got me down
Til I pull an inflection
But we’re so serene
And if we’re in this together then you’re a dream
In your fiery ways
You’re the kind of home that simply stays
Exactly where it’s always been
If I cut the lights could I be your queen
Coz you star my sky with little lights
And we make up after all our fights
As we just embrace
I loved you once now I’m in space
That you open for me
And I never knew wings til they set me free
And I’ve just got to express
That those days in that dress
Make me miss your beautiful warmth
The kind of hearth that mocks the storm
Would you be by my side
If I said let truth abide
And hold you close
I let you in, now you’re making a toast
As I video phone
The moment so when I’m alone
I can watch the replay
Do you know I love you more, okay?
And there have been pilgrimages
To foreign lands
But I’ll think of you
In the slipping sands
So much older now
But something is as it was somehow
Brimming full of angels that sing our song
It’s been more than a decade since you belong
And I meditate
On what exactly it means to be in that state
But I can’t repair
The feeling of you not being there
Til you speak aloud
Are you for real, I thought you were too proud
But you’re cutting the ribbon
And Lord, I forgive him
For never let me know in time
Do you think you could just be mine?

Secret Smiles

Corey’s eyes are like a jungle

He smiles, it’s like the radio

Taylor Swift
Darling, you’ve got stars in your eyes
And I’m full of existential whys
But you are the answer without reason
My safe space in open season
And I could cacophony the sound
But I always want you around
In the depths of my consciousness
In the moments we exist
Whether on the astral plane
Or in the summer as the clouds rain
And I throw back my head laughing with you
And it’s not just coz you want me to
There is a sense that together
Could be the place beyond the weather
And in these shoes that I’m walking
Is the memory of the two of us talking
Silent and sincere or open hearted
It’s like I asked and the oceans parted
And if we never come to be
Could you still realise what you mean to me
In oft tried second glances
Or just the air we breathe taking chances
Could you smile and let the light shine
For me just one more time
As you look absolute
The one place I’ve found truth
In the wisdom of our youth
Do you think it’s a just pursuit
Or are we just running away
Filled with things we cannot say
In silence spaces and in highs
You and I are not goodbyes

The Regressive Movement

Are we on the brink
Of a regressive movement
Where the skies go black
And we lose it
All to a dream
Of forever
Can we keep rowing
A hopeful endeavor
Down the river to the sea
And I’m just checking
Does He mean me?
When He says girl
Go do my will
I gotta shape up until
Destiny takes me by the hand
Says, love, it’s gonna be grand
But all I can see are these castles made of sand
And people crying out for a superman
Are we really going back
To a dark age
I spill my heart in
Ink upon the page
Say show me a way
United not divide
Where everyone has their say
And we value what’s alive
And for all the forecasts
The doommongering prophecy
I am still absorbed
By this light inside of me
That never dims, it only grows
With the heat of love it glows
Into a warm embrace
And He’s in every face
Like He lifted up His arm
And the sea was calm
So do I need to be frightened
Over the enlightened
Am I just Peter holding on to You In case he sinks
Is that my relationship to You
It could be methinks
But how do I just trust
In the words that You say
That you are with me Now
Always and everyday



Photo by Anastasia Taioglou on Unsplash.com

Darkness Tremble

Trusting in the Christ
Was the best decision of my life
And I’m no girl to be a wife
Just one to bring the light
And I’ve always trusted in you
From the living room to the pew
Singing songs in tribute to
The glory and the faith I have in you
And darkness eventually came to call
I’m young and lying against a wall
Crying tears in a free for all
But you brought the love to stop the fall
And lift me up, now I’m on my feet
And I know there’s nothing I could meet
That would bring me defeat
Now that your mercy speak
For me amongst the chasm so bleak
How am I standing if I’m weak
And there’s nothing left to seek
Now that I’ve found that holy heat
That burns in the heart of me
A consciousness that’s been set free
As I proclaim eternity
In every blade of grass that I see
Called upon to be the voice
To speak silence in the noise
And draw all souls into you
Just tell me what to do

Peace In The Modern Age

Peace in the modern age
Is looking towards the sage
And the guidance that they issue forth
Whether I’m in a cave or on your porch
And there’s no need to bang on doors
Or be windswept on the moors
For love to come true
It lives in the heart of you
And fire ignites but the Spirit knows
That where the path leads It goes
Down subtle lanes or foggy marsh
You’re not alone in the dark
Coz its guidance never leaves
It doesn’t need you to believe
Only trust and let go
Have faith in what you do not know
Nor can you ever understand
How It holds you in Its palm
And you are never left unfulfilled
Because the Love of God is willed

The Star That Shines

Dazzling star I want to sing you a song
That you could never ever put a foot wrong
That you are sitting so high in the sky
And I’m gonna love you til the day that I die
And you are so shy but you’re strong and secure
And my God do you reflect something pure
As it’s dancing in your eyes like a moon on a lake
And all these cobblestones I will forsake
As I make my way to you once more
Do you think he’d be behind the closed door
And all I’d have to do is knock
I sure think he still loves me a lot
And gentle is the sound that you resound
You give me the feeling of solid ground
And I wish to hold you but you’re far away
Probably making loads of other people’s day
Like you shone in mine for a while
I will never forget the smile
You smiled at me when I stopped at your place
I hold dear that look on your face
And what a night, it is billowing smoke
And I’m older now and more prone to joke
Around just a little bit
And boy were you looking fit!
But it’s more than that and I think you know
Yours are fields I would love to go
And lay down in the meadow and contemplate the stars
A billion lights to show me what you are
And hold your hand or lift up your head
Do you think I could love you instead?
Instead of this incessant wandering around
I think you were the home that I found

Beaches

Leave up your tools
Leave up your weapons
Your weariness
And your confessions
Your striving to
Be better than most
Your kneeling to
The Holy Ghost
Give it all up
And follow me now
Into the depths
Of what I’ll allow
Into the chasm
A cave of sorts
There’s no one left
With whom to consort
Give up your tired
Old way of thieving
And all your absence
Of believing
All the ways
You rid yourself
Of the world
And everything else
Give up the struggle
For you’ve struggled in vain
To hold my hand
Under the rain
I bring the Sun
For I am That
Follow me now
And don’t look back

God, Gimme a Sign….Oh, Right

the_oc_seth_che

This is the first and only time I’ll write a poem
To go with a gif I found
Its just the feeling of being fucked with
By the Universe is too profound
I go looking for apples and there is an orchard
Of trees growing in my house
I go looking for lions and find them in nets
So I can be the mouse
And every day its clearer, every day its true
There is a third energy coming from me and you
Pilfering our daydreams right out of our hands
And making them come true outside of demands
From places we can’t hold and heavys we can’t lift
Accept the love you’re given because its a gift
And worrying too much and being a try hard
Is only blocking windows because horizons are too far
And even though I doubt and even though I claim
I fall by the wayside and am picked up again
By a power I don’t know and surely can’t contain
Don’t curse falling water when you love the rain
And don’t try to make it sacred, don’t try to make it holy
When using words like wisdom that are coming from you only
And making it a monster or making it a queen
Denys the reality of living the daydream
That was made and designed by a higher hand
He brought Him to You so trust the command

Kissing the Sky

Funny feeling that though he may not want me I am still okay
And that I can survive on the love of every day
From the plants, from the trees and nonetheless from him
For though he may deny it I know it beats within
In blood and in veins that are solid gold
But so are mine I see, though I have not been told
To look and revolutionise the vision of my palms
I am the lake, the ocean and these are my calms
No enforced stability, no discipline held high
Just the truth of a being that knows something that can’t die
And sees it in the rushing movement of the leaves
All the world is heaven to one who needs nothing to believe
And smile to myself, in a secret, silver fold
I never knew the universe was there for me to hold
In its peril and its fantasy, it’s motion and the tide
I am the evidence of the thing you’ve never tried
So sincerely honest in the feelings that maintain
That there lies beneath a sunlight that will overcome the pain

Small Wonder

There are some things you cannot deny
Like a love that will never die
Like honesty and what is right within
You cracked my exoskeleton
Thin into a little strands
That broke apart into your hands
And smiling as you realised
You held it all in the tears you cried
That could never be wrong or crossing the line
I think you and I will be just fine
As we make a bloodless, solemn pact
That we will always come back
To this place we share and each other
I love you, darling, my soul brother
As we’re held together by more than thread
You show your fragility instead
Of the angry exterior wall
Of strength and impressions fall
As I realise that you are him
I’ll never have to look again

Stuttered Ignition

Love breaks bones and makes you appreciate pain
Finding someone worth suffering for through the rain
And you grow forests from the seeds in your hands
But there is one thing you do not understand
That I loved you more than you could ever love me
And I left to spare your dignity
I was the one to walk away you see
So you could have all you’re meant to be
And it hurt but I’m an anchor and I would drag you down
Turn that magnificent smile into a frown
Hold you in place so you cannot move
Because you’re what I’m afraid to lose
So, I let you leave though you told me you were going
You were like a sea creature I sent to the ocean
Made you take steps though you double doubted
The implications of words that I shouted
I could see it in your face, the indecision, and I had to be cold
Turn my face away from what I want to hold
Though you are beating my heart
And every move you make tears me apart
Why am I so alone?
How did you get into my home
This way, like it was a common feat
Like you had never tasted defeat
Didn’t even think it, didn’t hesitate
You just read the patterns I had made on my plate
Horrified and thrilled, I thought maybe
You were the one who could get the best of me
See through the war I made with myself
Tell me it didn’t matter, there is no one else
But you were human and unsure and you don’t hold the blame
I set fire to everything that touched my name
And you, only you, did not burn
That’s the lesson that I learned

…………….I love you

LightSaber

There’s a sadness in our laughter
And I can’t make the smile crack my eyes
There’s a pain underneath the surface
And it all feels like lies
Like the truth we cannot grasp
And I want to walk away
But we are now so seldom
Something makes me stay
And all of your excitement
Seems in direct contravention
To the lives that we have lived
And the things we do not mention
But, in truth, I do not blame you
That you kicked off from the shore
It just hurt to know
You don’t love me anymore

Combustion

I have a propensity to fall for dark eyed men
The kind you love then never see again
Don’t know what it is about their twisted souls
But there’s a depth I can’t plumb and I am sold
As you watch the light dawn in someone’s else’s eyes
Their sensitivity cracks and to your surprise
They break wide open into your hands
And look at you as though no one understands
As if you’ve been admitted to their confidence strange
But you’re at the mercy of what will change
As the sands shift the ground under your feet
It was only that one time that we got to meet
And though they throw reputations like yours to the dirt
They can’t make me regret the way that it hurt
The perfect pain to stand on your stage
Realising I’m a scene on the previous page
And I’m left in the wings just to look on
At what never was mine and now is long gone
To think I could hold your soul in my palm
The silence belying a deadly calm
Like standing in the eye of a hurricane
Two seconds later it’s ripped apart again
But though you protest to innocent degrees
About what you meant, I do not believe
Though you may try to conquer the sea
Doesn’t mean you can escape what you are to me
As oceans swell and fall back with the tide
I signed up for it all so I’m down for the ride
And if it may happen the moment perchance
I’ll just be the post script you tried to romance
And emotionally abuse what you have found
I have to admit I love when you’re around
Because for all the lies you conceal with a stare
You cannot hide what I know is there
And hidden beneath each surface I touch
Is someone within and I love you so much
Though they may call it codependency
They never saw horizons like you and me
And clipped are their wings as they settle for less
Than the subtle perfection in my distress
So don’t regret what you cannot achieve
I am forever bound to the darkness you weave
And what is real will stand monumental
You’re not a bad guy just cause you are gentle
And let your voice drop so soft and low
I only hate what I don’t want to go
Cause you can’t abstain from all you desire
I never want to be the one to put out your fire
Ephemerality and the lack of constraint
Are all a part of the picture you paint
And I guess I just wished I could be the one
To unlock the chains so you’d come undone
And relish the life that makes you what you are
But I am only light fusion bound within a star
An effortless firefly in the cosmos complete
I was born to be gracious in defeat
And find the source of the unquenchable longing
The home to fulfil my sense of belonging
The ache that never seems to go out
But you soothe it so easily with your mouth
And the words that spill from your lips
Dash on the rocks as my mask slips
Into trust and vulnerability
As you perceive strength in my fragility
And though there is substance in all you portray
They just write you off as consuming your prey
But I could never object to being such quarry
Or bend the knee to say that I am sorry
Though you steal from me all I ever had
The reality of you could never be bad
Never knew what it meant til I got you alone
You are the crack in my heart of stone
A weakness no one can repair
The mark you left will always be there
And they say don’t suffer just as evidence
But I’ve always lived this way because I can’t condense
My feelings into a digestible form
I may be an ice princess but my blood is warm
A reminder of what is eternally true
In the cynicism we’ve grown through
And that somewhere, somehow a celestial being
Once gave me the gift of what he was seeing
To be revolved in perceptual bliss
I only grieve the things that I miss
And even loss can be profound
When you listen to the open sound
And realise in space and time
You can’t always make matter of what is divine
And claimed by death must always be
The starcrossed lovers of destiny

Burning Strong

I’ve held it back for so long you see
From loving you and my destiny
It almost feels strange to breathe in the air
Feel the wind rustle calmness through my hair

I was born for this, I know I was
I was holding myself back because
Of all of my doubts, of all of my fears
All of this shaking has taken my years

But you knew that day, I saw it in your eyes
Knew my path and saw through my lies
You didn’t say a thing, didn’t judge me or hate
For living untruths and turning from fate

You didn’t hit me or call cynical tones
You listened to me with no throwing stones
You bowed your head and leaned in to my face
As I spoke my soul into that space

Your instinct was right, I saw it in your mind
As I begged you not to be cruel or unkind
But you knew better and I knew that you did
And still in my weakness I ran and hid

I just want to thank you for being so wise
And for knowing me better than I did at that time
I’ll never forget what you gave me for free
Trusted what you could not see

You trusted me to hold your hand
Though betrayal was my only plan
You stood beside me in my loss
You didn’t run or pay the cost

Sat side by side though I was wrong
Gave me somewhere to belong
Our secrets stories are coming true
I share it with the world and you

I feel somehow you understand
How I have changed my marching band
You were spot on when you predicted
I was a tenant soon to be evicted

I was confused and in delirium wandered
Into a forest where my wealth was squandered
But I found my way out eventually
Back to the place fitting for me