I see the I Am in every pair of eyes
Once you look there’s no disguise
And I venerate the Holy One
The ocean of which cannot be undone
And the chains fall like shackles on the floor
As I make way for what I adore
The riverbeds flow toward the sea
So it is with the Guru and me
The spaciousness nothing can contain
The sky beyond the rain
The storm clouds far beneath
The person that I used to be
I can hear murmurings
Sweet whispers in my ears
And I wait
Until the smoke clears
To really discern
What is going on
It’s been years
Since I felt I belonged
And someone’s gotta say it
Call a spade a spade
But you need both tree and sun
To make the shade
And I’m into realism
But I’m also idealistic
I don’t want this century
To repeat the statistic
Errors of a previous generation
Am I getting above my station
To say it’s gotta stop
And I don’t wanna play bad cop
But the letters on my tongue
Are spilling ink
And there’s nothing for the truth
To do but sink
In as we realise what we all do
I am just the reflection of you
Am I trading on my innocence
And the forest gets more dense
As I try to discern
That which simply doesn’t burn
In the fires of time
And would it be a glorious crime
To admit the steady part of me
That just will not let ok be
And I traverse the hills
The loss of all my aforementioned skills
Til I’m kneeling by the shore
The monument that I adore
An empty ocean sea
That is pumping the heart of me
The body is aging
It passes through time
As I try to capture
What is mine
But it eludes my grasp
Like the finest sand
Points me toward the shore
So I understand
And it’s fearless, it’s true
It’s innocent pure
It’s the one thing
That you can be sure
Not to fail you
When the midnight rings
And I can feel it
When she sings
Of love, of beauty
Of something beyond
And they had her down
As a dumb blonde
But she points the way
She leads the charge
Picks you up off the floor
When times get hard
And I can’t ignore
The magnanimous effect
She had upon me
When the dream was wrecked
And I pulled myself away
From what I abhor
Beyond the recognition
Of what I was before
And the signs desert me
Though their pointings fable
Tell me to get up
If I’m able
But another blow comes in
From the west
With the flavor of something
I detest
And I know, I know
I should be serene
And chasing a crown
Only means you’re no queen
Toying with the idea of letting Stephen know
But he’s getting close so I’m letting Stephen go
As he tumbles out the words like a cavalcade in my mind
I keep wondering what I left behind
And he’s got a girl and I don’t wanna trespass a sin
I just feel like dancing when I talk with him
And what’s going on is not what it appears
I’m not laying all my life on you, dears
I’m just testing the waters like a foot on the bridge
Coz I’ve always been quintessentially his
And he owns the motions I make through the air
It was just a moment but we both were there
To hold each other’s hand like a temporary greeting
I’m so excited that we’re actually meeting
For the first time again after so long
Is the seat by your side where I belong?
I knock but there’s no answer
And I’ve done my time being a dancer
Spinning the spools of infinitesimal thread
Into a daydream in my head
And I may be deluded, I may be wrong
But this love thing is so damn strong
As I feel it pulse in my chest
Weighing up who I love the best
But it flits around to varying beings
Changes with the landscape I’m seeing
An intimacy I cannot describe
I just thank God I’m alive
To experience all of this
It was Truth like a first kiss
As I wake up to what I am
And all that moves without a plan
The monsters are man made
They live in the attic
They crackle like telephone
Under the static
They brew like a soup
Under the sink
Dare you to do
Something crazy like think
And I lie in my bed
And the horrors maintain
There’s nothing lost
If there’s nothing to gain
If outside is inside
The window you touch
You learn to let go
Of what you love so much
And in winter the fire’s
Warming the hearth
But I’m still scared
Of what hides in the dark
Under the moonlight
Of another season
Like the way I love you
Without reason
And it makes no sense
But the tide will crash
Against the stone
And turn all to ash
Like the waves of duty
To abide
I see the truth
And I confide
It on paper
To the sky
What comes will go
What’s born will die
But what’s ever present
Will remain
Beyond the ocean
As terrain
I could be overestimating my appeal
Like the man is gorgeous, he’s a steal
It’s just I’ve got this gut intuition
That I could be gunpowder to his ammunition
And is it all attraction or is it something more
I could see myself calling to his door
And answering him when I pick up the phone
Not have to spend every minute alone
But he clasps my words like it’s my hands
He’s spaciousness and he understands
Though he may have made a blunder or two
He’s got my number and I’m replying to you
I’m as see through as a pane of glass
And I can see through you, you don’t have to ask
What exactly is on your mind
I left the world I left behind
And grew up into walking shoes
To hold my own and pay my dues
In seasonal or in holiday stance
And I’ve got to say I’ve enjoyed the dance
As you tic tac toe in front of me
Mr. Awesome or so I see
As you lean in close to meet my word
And I wonder what it is you heard
Coz it echoes against these cavern walls
In holidays and free for all’s
You knock on my door with your suit and tie
Stand up for what can never die
And I take your arm as we walk to the dance
Is loving you a sort of chance
Or risk I’m taking out on the pier
Letting a man come near
Close enough to break my heart
By giving him a share or part
Of what I’ve held in from the sky
I’m not playing games, I don’t lie
But I hold back because the fear
Is great enough to kill me, dear
And my heart It pounds in my chest
As I forsake the rest
To say I will and I do
When I’m looking straight at you
In eyes held tight at the altar
The time is now though it gets shorter
To see the mist advance with age
Though I can’t run from a blank page
That bids me just to tell the truth
And it’s not so bad giving way to youth
That is passing like a sea of storm
You’re more to me than a bed that’s warm
You are an immortal being
Though these images that I’m seeing
May make you want to run a mile
Or, I dunno, maybe just smile
And laugh and say isn’t that the way
You look at me and I’m okay
Here lies my truth, at least, so far
I walk away but I leave the door ajar
So you can come in if you need
Don’t think that I can’t see you bleed
Over there from afar
I’d love to pick you up in my car
So we could just go for a drive
Revel in the being alive
And you smile so truly I almost cave
Fall in love with who I try to save
As we walk the streets of Liverpool
And you’re helluva cool
And I could never understand
Why you decide to drop my hand
And let it all go to waste
Do I get to see your face
Again, not upon a screen
But as real as you could ever dream
Do I get to touch your skin
And let you know what I am to him
Coz we’re all flyers in the wind
And is there anyone who hasn’t sinned
In some great way or minor
You speak the truth and underline her
So that I know where to place my pen
Forever begins all over again
To the sound of Picturehouse
You command the screen, I click the mouse
But do you think that we could be
Together in a way that’s free
And I can’t deny the hold he has
But is it just karma and all that jazz
Is my soulmate someone, you
My twin flame to fly back to
Somewhere I thought I was
But there’s no reason for a just cause
Like the moment headlong too
When I just fell into you
And you laughing caught me there
I can tell by the way you hold my stare
That we are something for the age
Not writing on a white blank page
But laughter in the growing old
Making memories the future’s told
To all that we were back then
You were the best, can we do it again?
Alvarez looks like you, you know
And I’m thinking ‘bout you when I walk in the snow
As I wonder where in the world you might be
Looking out at the scene I think you see
Coz you’re diamonds, you’re shining, you’re just like a star
Oh, what can I ever say that you are
Coz you looked at me like you think that I’m fly
And will I meet you again while the sun’s still in the sky
While we’re both still young or at least not old
And my story of you will not be untold
Coz you’re golden, you’re fire, you’re burning red
And you seem to knock walls I’ve built in my head
Monuments to an age old crime
And I’m not convicted though I’ve done my time
Trodding through a heavy fold
You’re bought but baby you’re never sold
Yours is the name my heart spells out
Though I walk in the valley of doubt
To the music of the passing years
The great adventure, the sea of tears
That I shed like a single drop
Of blood that is all I am not
In the avenues and in the dark
The shiver I get walking through the park
In monuments and in tomes
In the running away and the coming homes
To find out what I’d been missing
And the people I dream of kissing
As they salute me from afar
And I wonder at what you are
To age but never fade away
I write about you, is that okay?
And is it too late to ask
I loved the man in the iron mask
That let it go for a moment or two
And I swear the stars shine from you
As you cast this glow, this heavenly sphere
I whisper words when you come near
In case you hear what I really mean
I love you, babe, you are the dream
You’re the best of me
No defense, just like I’m free
As I stop you on the street
It’s freezing but do you feel the heat
As you’re stuck for something to say
And I look in your eyes, is that okay
And I see you pause
But I’m not breaking any laws
As I say I saw your pics
The moment, do you remember it
When you looked a questing answer
In the face as I dance her
Into your arms and out again
But do you swear we’ll always be friends
As I hit you up to just say hi
Here’s hoping that there’s no goodbye
Hiding part of myself
Had me holding onto mental health
As the only way to steady the ground
As it shakes to the sound
Of white noise and light
I’m one of the boys and I’m alright
As I take a sip of a drink
Then throw the rest of it down the sink
Coz I want to keep my nerves
As something that serves
Me instead of fighting a war
Coz both sides lose what the winnings for
As the turmoil draws you in
Ducks in a row like lines of sin
And the winter seems to last forever
But you haven’t seen the last of this endeavour
As I grapple with the ghost that throws me down
I’m in the ring and out of town
As they all call my name
I say goodbye to the chains of shame
Do I really want you to come a little closer
You’re just like a ghost
With the flavors of nothing
And what I love the most
I see you shy away and I avoid
Being one of the girls
You’re not one of the boys
But you dance
Like Heaven has given you another chance
To be all you are
The wonderful bridge
Constellatory star
That just shines
Like gleaming diamonds in gold mines
I pick one up
But it just reflects the look of you, love
And we’re one again
Outside the realm of women and men
Just to be what is
He holds my hand and I am his
To recalculate
All that has me in a lowly state
Where do I walk
And is all my effulgence just mere talk
Do I live up to
The brigand that I saw in you
As you caught my hand
I catch my breath as you reprimand
Me for my trauma of being too much
I back away but I also clutch
You to me
Can you love the whole sea
When it’s not yours or mine
I felt crushed watching About Time
And I could feel a lion roar
Deep within me
Death the moment life begins me
As I sit up off the floor
What was that and what’s more
Who am I
How am I not to die
When this body walks I seem to move
But it’s just patterning on the groove
Of the effervescent
I hate to be described as pleasant
Coz it’s so lukewarm
And I am nothing if not a storm
Brewing over the hill
Do you know the moment if you’re not still?
We became like two dogs snarling
In the days I called you darling
And you spit your words out at me
I let you go free
Like we’re aching from our history
You and the mystery
As ages pass us by
And we love but we don’t know why
And we fight and we try
But we can’t forgive the lie
And you smile but it’s faint and half hearted
And I just remember when we started
And how it is so different now
I still see you through the wind somehow
I feel the fear pulse inside
Oh, the terror of being alive
And I try to talk with my anxiety
It seems it’s getting the best of me
As I shiver and shake
Then the earth quake
Bringing monuments to the ground
With a tremulous sound
But the peace knows how to ache
Until I love it for its own sake
And the reason why seems to elude me
It’s like it has to prove me
Wrong or right
But I can’t sleep at night
For thinking of him
And the heart has to win
No matter how it seems to be
Could it mean the world to me
Swimming in oceans in between
And if this is just a dream
Then why does it hurt so much
And maybe I’m out of luck
To be adverse with an advanced decider
I never thought you would hide her
Away from seeing eyes
To be the moment love despise
In a sudden realization
I flip the switch and change the station
To get my mind off of you
But it only makes me want to
Clasp your hand in mine
And I’ve been alone all this time
Coz I can’t bear to think of another fella
I’ve never been the type to call you yella
But why did you not tell me how you feel
Why did you try to cut a deal
And hold it tight with skin and bone
But you look like I could make a home
With you where we were
And I don’t know what for
But I feel the need to profess
Everything I wouldn’t confess
Way back when
Could you ask me that question again?
You’re mysterious
And the guys just call you Chris
And I have to adjust my vision for the time being
Because I’m not sure exactly what I’m seeing
As you softly ask me my name
And I’d love to do the same
But the ghost of winter left last evening
And I’ve given up on all my believing
And the night isn’t cold but it sure is dark
And I used to live right by the park
As I listened to JV McMorrow
That year I transcended the sorrow
And clicked my tongue to my own beat
I used to just drive down the street
With a bigger sense of life and purpose
Not chasing my tail like a dog in a circus
Anyway it’s been eons
But you cut through the neon
Back to where I love the feel
Of the men with which I deal
And you’ve got something so real
In the silence that I just steal
Before I hang up the phone
It’s good for five minutes to be alone
With a voice like yours down the line
I blush at the question and answer I’m fine
Coz I know this number is a hard one to call
But you smile, I can hear it through the air wall
And I wonder exactly who you are
Do you ever think time is measured by a star
As we orbit around what’s fixed in space
Running the rivers like it is a race
But everything is just typed in notes
And I must admit that I love quotes
And what they bring to the table
If you’re sitting at one are you able
To be outside in the fields of yore
Is everything as before?
Or are you something I’ve never seen
I hear his voice and shake out of the dream
I actually haven’t lost my spark
Or my ability to make a mark
And it seems my visage has grown strained
Wearing a look so pained
From all the trials I’ve been through
All for the courage I lacked in you
As you exclaimed against your will
That love is nothing but a skill
And I soared into the roaring sun
All for fear of being come undone
That I feel in your presence blue
The red of fire I am to you
What if we’re living in Paradise
The green fields of our life
And he is tormented by the loss of Eden
And I was ardent in my believing
Til I met the moment in a night
And something did ignite
Burned like a fuse towards dynamite
Spinning ever closer to its own execution
I could tell the truth but it’d be a dilution
Of what I mean to say
I’d rather just point the way
And have you follow where I go
But my steps shake as I move slow
Across the ground of the room
There is so much more than doom
In the space that we share
There is true love and care
I feel I must speak up to say
It’s more than a myth and okay
I get that you have your own perspective
But my view is true and objective
Like a glass with no lens
You only see through it when you don’t defend
Yourself from what you mean to be
You just open up for free
And find it echo in your bones
Away from the beat of earphones
And all the noise that fills the day
It’s not a game or a power play
But something that must be known
I pull the curtains back and it’s shown
Idealism has me loving him
Through the wings of a new song
And I’ve only felt
Sparsely that I belong
In and out between the fear
Catching hold of what I hold dear
In the hopes that it won’t leave
And it’s little that I don’t believe
Coz it all pulses in my throat
And are we post rote
Learning now
I sit upon the bough
Of a leaning tree
To watch the sunset fade in front of me
And think it’s much like a life
That doesn’t get to happen twice
Unless you’re into that sort of thing
A reincarnation into the skin that swim
In the great ocean
And I’ve always been emotion
Trying to calm down
But I walk on solid ground
As my heart beats in my chest
Trust in God and leave the rest
Are you threatened by the female
Do you reverberate
Am I meant to give up
On myself in that state
Or is there a way
To be and grow
I gave you a chance
To have me, you know
But you turned away
From the dance
I split the boil
With a lance
Til all the pus
Came spewing out
The knife was quick
As my wit, no doubt
I just wanted to know if you left me a message
It’s nothing insincere
But I’ve been tripping the wire
Of in love with you, dear
And I know it’s a fallacy
And I know there’s nothing wrong
It’s just you gave me that rush
Like you thought I was strong
And I’m smiling to myself
As I’m sitting on the couch
Threw normal out the window
Of sanity to vouch
For me in the days
When the water is less clear
I had a dream of you
When your words made you seem near
But anyway and anyhow
I’ve got to let it go
I just wanted to uncover
These reams and reams of snow
So you’d know that in the winter
The sun burns just as true
You said that you liked me
Well, hey man, back at you!
Taking a bite into the blue
And it comes up the colour of you
As I dive into the ocean
And it’s all rhythmic motion
In the life I cannot live
Is it time to forgive
The darkness of my past
Who knew that this would last
So very long
Correct me if I’m wrong
But you loved that I love that song
As you curl up by my side
Say that I make you feel alive
And now it’s all gone away
What was it you didn’t say
Coz I’m dying to know
And I won’t leave it be so
Just tell me what you need to admit
I looked at you and I sit
Beside you surreptitiously
Vulnerably confess to me
Like a secret you can’t bear to keep
I’ll visit you in the safety of sleep
Something happened to set the scene
And wake me up from the dream
And it was all I could do not to exclaim
That you need sky for the clouds to rain
As I discovered a newfound glory
Something exists outside the story
And it’s living itself as me
It’s like the storm has been set free
To wage its unholy war
To show you what peace is for
And it’s broken me down to a fragment
I’m still looking for where the person went
As it vacates the premises
I let go of the notion of nemesis
As everything turns to a quiet state
Do we have to learn to hate
When we’ve been set free
I let the chains fall off of me
I woke with a pain in my head
As fear raked across me like dread
And I fought to overcome
The flaw of being young
Coz happily I’m happenstance
And love is the great dance
Around a merry swing
Did you hear me give up everything
For the dream of holding on
But the space you leave is long gone
And I try to patch it with needles and thread
As I’m lying in my lonely bed
Just scraping by on what I can manage
Though I fail to admit the damage
That you did with one look
You could read about it in a book
But it happens in real life too
And it was my luck it happened with you
I know it’s unfair to exclaim
That you save me from all the pain
That I brought to bear on myself
Now I’m searching for the answer in someone else
And you never had anything to do
With what I faced without you
Coz I made that choice all on my own
And I’ve never felt alone
Coz I’ve always had support
And a steady kind of rapport
With everyone I seem to meet
I’m fire so the heat
Is to be expected
Don’t take my manners for being disrespected
I’m only playing a xylophone on you
And I want you to sing along to
The refrain we effortlessly make
I do it for the both of our sake
The non spectacular nature of Now
Is something that makes me weak somehow
As I stare at the trees
They remind me to get up off my knees
And stand in the shine that is the sun
Like God is calling and I am the one
Who must walk the path of being still
And many things change, this never will
As the ochre of sunsets burn in your eyes
And there is a love that never dies
I found it on the green of the room
Across from the front hall and I attune
To the sound of Heaven’s bells
As they call out to me amid ne’er do wells
And I’m walking down paces on the avenues
I’m all red as they play the blues
In summertime or winter cold
I’m frozen at the age of not getting old
We could have a fifty year stand
And I could live with holding your hand
But I could never be bound to profess
That I’m anything more than this minidress
And what I’m meaning to confess
Is that I reach for you in my distress
But I don’t see forever in your eyes
Because, you know, everybody dies
And I lost him at seventeen
When I wasn’t even in the dream
Just walking back from lunch
Ignoring that petty hunch
That had you sidelines and sideways
I don’t care what anybody says
Anymore coz they’re all liars
And I’ve set one too many fires
Under who I’m meant to be
I’ve grown up but still don’t see
And the diagrams all refract
The way you can’t get people back
Once you’ve lost your hold on them
If I could would I live it again?
Just to feel the same old pain
If you walk on grass do you curse the rain
That made it green and fresh
It’s been years but I don’t forget
Is it just a private grievance
Always holding myself back
Because I see the wings of angels
Ready to attack
For all I’m lost and holding
Forever to the degree
It’s infinitesimal
But it means the world to me
To see you reengage
With the world that you know
I’d be waiting for you
I said it to you slow
So the mountains bate their breath
And everything in between
Is like a summer in the winter
Or waking from the dream
Is this goodbye
Now I’m letting go
Of the pain that had me
Wedded to you, you know
And every tale
I keep in a locket
Is a symbol of
How they forgot it
Coz the season changes
And time renews
And what’s bad in the morning
Becomes old news
I click my heels together
When I hear your name
It’s been an ocean
And I won’t be the same
But loving you slightly
Will always be
Taking a dram
Of straight destiny
I’m burning up like the flow of the river
As all of life calls me to forgive her
Coz I can’t split in two just to spite my face
Or deny the regard of constant disgrace
And I was only a teen
But I saw through the cracks in the dream
Untoward a vast expanse
Where music makes the people dance
And I feel as though I’m on fire
Like I’ve been lit by something higher
But it always seems to come back to ground
Like I’m rooted in the sound
Of you saying goodbye
Then realizing what it means to die
As I sweated it out in the class
Then fell victim to what could not last
And I stirred on the floor as I heard her call
It was like I’d lost the wall
Separating me from creation
A moment stunned and then elation
You can call it enlightenment or waking up
Or just realizing all is love
Then I see you with your eyes downcast
And I try to forget the past
But the memory of the crush is ever fresh
And I’m still not there yet
At the part they say release
But I may just be at peace
Everyone is in various states of disarray
They check at the till to see what they’ve to pay
And they click on their phone so they’ll be liked
I’ll always be worried that I’ll ignite
Coz I’m so clearly made of flame
One day they’ll all know my name
And not for the wrong reasons
The time is changing, passing seasons
The leaves fall off the trees
You discard what they believe
Coz it doesn’t fit the shoe
You’ve come to walk as you
Don’t judge a book by its cover
Do not simply name me lover
Because I’m effusive and full of heart
And only too eager to play my part
Don’t judge the sky by its rain
You know this moment won’t come again
And the clouds that seem to pour themselves down
Will one day be ocean in which you can drown
Don’t judge time by its age
There’s more to ink than what’s on the page
There’s more to be said than what’s verbalized
And I could get lost in his chasming eyes
Don’t judge a star by its light
It will one day run out of jet fuel, alright
And turn black hole dark
Collapse on itself from whence came the spark
Don’t judge me by what I say
I’m iceberg lettuce and I’m deep okay
In your salad green
Not everything is as it may seem
Don’t judge yourself by your pain
Each moment you have will not come again
There’s more to each bar than what’s left ajar
So let go of the journey when it is too far
Don’t judge a route by the road
Each car that you see is eventually towed
Or sold for parts
You can place your stead in the queen of hearts
But don’t judge a night by the moon
That is not there coz before you know soon
Reflected light will perforate
The dream of dark that kept you in that state
Don’t judge a sea by the roll
Of waves that come to crush your soul
If you leave the trees be and get up off your knee
Maybe someday you will finally see
Don’t judge love by its pull
Every headache will eventually dull
And find yourself peace amid what will not cease
I’ve got to let you in on the paper crease
There were so many men
That stood at the show
Most of them
With hair white as snow
If at all
I guess aging
Is it’s own freefall
But the room rose
To congratulate
Them for losing
A peace of slate
On the houses you could build
Nothing can happen unless it’s willed
And some shores come crashing to the sea
But you can’t blame them if you ask me
I see their fragility
As the applause rings
Like the song somebody sings
And it’s an empty refrain
Coz loss is heaven unless it’s pain
And the cataclysm reached my door
I couldn’t say I hate them anymore
Coz nothing but words spell the times
Could you convict them of war crimes
Or all that’s legitimate
It is when there’s a story you’re running with
I feel myself sinking down into the midnight
The absence of perfume, the absence of light
The dawn of knowing what you cannot say
The reluctant acceptance of what cannot stay
And I know in the storm there is a break of day
And when you trust in God it’ll all be okay
But sometimes the ocean is just too deep
And I try to catch a few moments of sleep
Before I awaken with a start
Like everything good it comes from the heart
They’re selling an American Dream
But I’m walking on a moonbeam
As it guides my way home
And tells me I’m not alone
As I open out into the vast expanse
Perceive the space as the molecules dance
To make up the shape of me
The frame of what is memory
Held together by a subtle flaw
I wonder is ice real as it starts to thaw
You’re burning up the atmosphere
Like the ozone layer is clear
And fuck that bullshit, I spin the dial
And listen to you sincere
Coz the guy beside me loves me
And I love him too
But the worst of the weather
Means it is not you
And closing my eyes is all I can do
So that I won’t know
The places where I should not go
Though they call to me
An elephant graveyard or Eternity
Could you please give me a clue
You laugh and say the answer too!
Do you really want to know what lies in Ghost City
It’s all victimhood and self pity
As the doors all swing shut
And I’m obsessed with the land my heart abuts
Because it’s never right now, it’s always tomorrow
And I make a living out of sorrow
As I trek to nowhereland
Do you know life’s made of sand
And the hourglass holds your hand
As it quietly evaporates
You can journey through many states
But the most valuable just might be
The ones that require integrity
To get through intact
Is it a sin I don’t want you back
And forgiveness flows through my veins
But I’ve spent years in imaginary chains
Thinking of what you did to me
Constructing some kind of history
That makes sense of the haunting tone
When I’m in my room all alone
But it’s always been with me
As I grapple with intensity
And let people believe the lie
That death is when people cry
Leaving a paper trail of tears behind me
I’m overwrought so never mind me
As I build a new monument to all that’s fallen
I’m in the Deep South and they are drawling
As they curb all anticipation
Can I watch your tv station
Just for a little while
I made you see, you made me smile
And all I can think of is torment
The indigenous people and where they went
Forced across rock and stone
Broken in their skin and bone
But with their Spirit true
I can still have faith in You
As all comes crashing like a wave
Is it sin to abdicate to save
And hold a hand
Is the shore more than sand
And if a rock is hewn to bits
Do you have space to sit with it
Or does its impermanent tone
Remind you what it’s like to be alone
Moving weight like old stone
I’d hold back but I’ve already shown
All of my stars to you
I’ll love you if you want me to
So mad I’m taking all these pills
As I fight the doctor in a display of wills
But he always seems to win the day
And make the point I’m not okay
And sometimes I agree
As I picture a man down on one knee
That might pick me up
But I’m heavier than the weight of love
Can carry when it all boils down
I spilt the beans, you went to town
Aghast at all the mess is made
You’re throwing the game, I’m throwing shade
And we’re just resting in the silence deep
I don’t want to be less than the promise you keep
As the wings of love glide
I’m coming out of where I hide
To know the sunshine as my true nature
And where you landed left a crater
In the ground of me
Mother Earth or destiny
Shaken to my core
I try not to love you anymore
But it just pulls me back
Don’t see me as just a hack
That has to get her stories down
I hum as I drive out of town
Past a scene I know so well
If I shared a secret would you never tell?
She’s rewriting the rule book
Like I did with a school look
As I ran up and down the halls
Some are chasing dreams, I’m chasing walls
To keep me safe and closeted in
But it takes a breath for the night to begin
And once it does you can’t go back
Obsessed with how they have all you lack
And she shines
But I’ve written that story a thousand times
As I begged to be let in
Then got caught in the full glare of a grin
That suddenly shone on me
Asked for my hand and my integrity
And I fell victim to
An obsession with the form of you
When the midnight calls my name
And I nonchalant all the same
Your absolutely sincere
Does intimacy mean more than near
Coz this close is comfortable
Like we’re both being vulnerable
And almost to touch
I gotta say I love you so much
Behind the folds of a page
This moment will never age
Settling into the ocean
I’m not afraid of the fear of motion
And everything is all commotion
It’s bliss to miss what they call devotion
And I’m always wiser when I’m drunk
Trying to sip my way out of a ship that’s sunk
Trying to talk my way out of this funk
Without having to shake my junk
And I know that’s kind of crass
To think you have to move your ass
To get any kind of attention
I’m growing but I dare not mention
What I have to do to be me
I will not sacrifice my dignity
Her love is tragedy
Like she could pageant me
And I can see the loss
The way she dots her t’s
And if I love her
It’s my disease
But she picks me up
Off from my knees
When I’ve been crying
For a season
Like this pain
Comes without any reason
And the doubt
Holds me together
She patches me up
Despite the weather
Is it too much to wish
Is it too much to hope for
That I could bang
On a closed door
Coz I know you’re in there
And I chase you down
You’re staying in your place
Just outside of town
And I want you
For my very own
Tell me for real
That you’re not on loan
From the days of tomorrow
I’m not one to borrow
But if you’re there
I’ll wipe away sorrow
From the cheeks of your face
That you’ve cried in the past
My love isn’t temporary
It’s made to last
And my heart is calling
Out to your hand
We can dance
It will be grand
As you get up
Off of the floor
In all of the years
I just love you more
All those things I didn’t do
And the worst of all of those things was you
As you passed across my screen
Looking as ephemeral as a dream
In the moment true
Could I have meant it all to you?
If I’d just stepped forward to
All that I thought of to meet you
And you’re fire and ashes
I’m the Phoenix that rises
Meeting you the best of surprises
On that July morning
Now there’s weather and it’s all storming
Into the notion of what we could be
But I won’t cross She
As she holds your hand
And stares into a pair of eyes so grand
They’re subterfuge
And it would just be rude
To interrupt
What you’ve become, so abrupt
So I let you leave
Let you believe
That I don’t care
About all that isn’t there
In the moment true
I clasp the thought I had of you
So tight
And I’m alright
But the bliss is fading
And the idealism is jading
As my thirties continue apace
And I stop staring at your face
Through a window in time
I’m kicking myself coz you could be mine
Ijust wanna protect her
And I’m so mad that he’d reject her
And ruin her starlit shine
It’s kind of like the light that used to be mine
And now she sings of a defeat, years ago
I close my eyes because I should not know
But I do
I still feel you
In the cobwebs of my mind
Kind of like a secret I’ve left behind
And we tangled up our avenues
I sing of heaven without you
And innocence lost
She paid the price but at what cost
The war in her heart spills over into mine
When I say I love you for the thousandth time
And you’re nothing more than fantasy
Dreams I make out of the fate you see
And you’re roving wild waters
And your chivalry escorts her
At least in my mind
As I look on from being left behind
It’s a sorry state
But I won’t give in to hate
As the wound it festers
And the court is filled with jesters
That make the music of the time
But that sound could never be mine
As I pull away from modern notions
Focusing on my emotions
Til they’re all I can see
But that’s not all there is of me
And dignity
Walks me to the door
As you say your love’s no more
And I agree
I look out but it’s wintery
As I pull my jacket close
You look like you’ve seen a ghost
“You’re not gonna venture into that”
But I gave you a home, I won’t take it back
And he pulls my hand
Close to his soul that’s made of sand
As it pours on through
Was I wrong to trust in you
And he sighs
“I’ll take leave of our goodbyes”
And points me toward the flame
That is burning in the middle of his name
You can stay here
I say, okay, my dear
I withdraw my accusation
Since I’ve lived my realisation
And see that the fault is not with you
It’s with the pain you put me through
As I resist and you agree
That everything troubled comes over the sea
In washes and waves at the Cliffs of Moher
And you swore you did not know her
Til I saw your hands interlocked
On a screen in between where the birds had flocked
To get their share
Of bread and water, now I’m in your stare
As you love her more than you loved me
Why did I not let myself just see
As I hid on paper
And you promised them that you hate her
Well, that her is me
And I’m not gonna try to make you see
Infinity
Unless you already do
And I felt the ocean move
When you touched my hand
And met eyes that understand
To leave you free
I’m glad you picked her over me
The source of her love is effulgent flame
And it kills me that others don’t feel the same
As they hear her plaintive cry
And leave her in the rubble to die
But I grab her hand, pull her out of there
Wash the wounds, show her some care
Tell her about the mystery
That lies within both you and me
And she starts to revive
Feeling the tremble of being alive
As she takes each breath
Scared she can’t put her feet to the floor yet
In case it shakes
She looks at me through all her mistakes
And trusts and lets go and comes to be
All that she Is eternally
The Poetry Book 