Loving you is like waiting on the last train It’s like standing out in the pouring rain I’m jealous of the drops of water that fall on your head I’m jealous of the blankets that cover you in bed And I’m always so well defined And you’re always away but I don’t mind And though the paper is written in ink Of all of the things I shouldn’t think But just sway to the breeze And you stay only to leave But I don’t mind welcoming you back It’s not like you take something I lack And everything is in boxes that they stack And if you look I’ll pick up the slack And rush to the shore As you say you don’t want me anymore And I just remember the festival And the way I let it go to hell Fighting to be my own dear self I can’t share this with anyone else And then I met you, you just turned to me It’s like the waters parted and I could see Like you held eternity In a single glance, what are we? And you smiled, just so, down into my eyes It’s like you saw right through the disguise And now it’s like I walk on one foot And you said no like the sharpest cut As I hold out strong in the weather And I’m just dreaming of you in the heather And how far you are away The bridge is broken so we cannot stay Like Sora and Kairi or the Marching Bands The waves come to kiss the lands But keep us at the distance we know I hope you are well and that your clock runs slow So that you have many years in reserve And it’s always the greatest that you serve While I watch and just observe The moment you see that I’ve got nerve!
I love whiskey In a Baileys glass Do you like to drink? Do you have to ask? Because it makes me feel More like myself Every now and then It’s good for my mental health And I don’t get locked But I do like to dance Around in my pj’s Like a second chance Like there’s nobody watching Coz nobody is Unless you count the Lord But I’m already his And I smile at the sunshine In the dark of night Coz there’s something within me That’s a lot like the light They describe in tomes And I shake it off The rhythm of the alones That sometimes subsides But other times I believe That heart is just something I keep on my sleeve And if nothing is everything Why do you grieve I walk the path But where does it lead Coz the road has been trodden By many a soul But can you still love When the story’s been told?
I’m looking at you From a birds eye view And I gotta say There is nothing new Only the same old Kind of magnificent I’ve been a lot of things I don’t know if it’s significant That I make my own way to the shore And you know I couldn’t love you more Than the depth that sings our song I don’t think we could ever be wrong
No one could deny The spark in Stephen’s eyes As he talks to me he folds Time into days of old And he laughs, suddenly and unexpected I hope he didn’t feel rejected When I bowed out, when I skipped town He has to know I love him around And I just couldn’t fine the words to say When I was in that place I had to stay That his effervescence shone like stars And you could trawl the neatest bars Looking for a smile like that I have to say I took off my hat To your ardently and devoted I open hearted and emoted And you didn’t faze or fade away You just let me know what it is to stay In the light of your heavenly sun And you may not be the one But you’re the one who shared some time with me I wrote this down so you might see
I hate the pain Isn’t that what they say But I couldn’t have had it Any other way And you kick your shoes Up in the dirt I never knew love Could make you hurt But I hold you fast And pray that this moment last But it was never enough To quench my thirst I’m a fire burning embers As we argue across the genders That seem to have accumulated between us I dunno, do you think God dreamed us Up into a sort of creation It’s more than winter by the station It is summer kissing booths Reliving the passion of our youth But I’m all but done with photo albums I feel the pound of beating drums Calling me back to your door And I fainted on the floor Yes, right out of my standing To the dreams that they are handing Out like they’re truth And you just take aim and shoot Your bullet at my heart Your aim is good, I feel the dart Strike me sharp and true Am I marked with the brand of you Or am I forever effervescent Meeting you in essence I let the fire go But I still burn with it, you know
The water rises The fish it swims And it seems like the sky’s Getting closer to him As he follows in circles Patterns on the lake There’s no talk of forgiveness For the one he forsake And there’s no talk of trouble For idle thoughts Does the fisherman tangle With tackle he’s bought And the shoes we’re all wearing Do they know where they’re going Coz the train of time Doesn’t look like it’s slowing And we’re all on this ride Just in different seats Do you fold your arms Or uncross your feet And do the sages speak truth To the ears that you hear Is nirvana further away Or closer with fear Coz we all resist Our own enlightenment It’s kind of like you’re a ghost And you’ve frightened it So now it won’t Come out from where it hid So you make some noise Til it flips the lid On the place it had found To cover itself But are you abandoning All of your wealth As you leave the world Of thought that bind Are you nostalgic for all You’ve left behind Or do you open your arms To a new dawn And realise that nothing Is ever gone That can’t be brought back In another form Is the sun hot? Well, how are you warm? And do you second guess The wrath of the storm One minute there’s pain Then a baby born Amid all the fray And the stuff you see If you blink your eyes Is the darkness free Or just momentary To eclipse Your names like a prayer That sits on my lips And if only I Could communicate It’s likely I’d pull Both of us out of that state Into the river Where we’re rushing and free You didn’t make a mistake When you chose me
We’re all muscle and bone And I’m mad so leave me alone Coz you don’t understand And you don’t see what I have planned And you’re lovely and angelic And perfect prose I see you stare At me through the rows Of people lined up in there And I know you care I can see it in your face Your visage a mirage I can’t erase In beautiful light Wherever ya are I hope you’re alright And you just kind of stood strong And I think you liked me but I could be wrong As you threw your arm around my shoulder Are we wiser now that we’re older Or just dull, grey and dumb Replacing the vibrant of the young Do you still burn I could set my heart by your axis turn And I live to learn And you’re the one for which I yearn In demons, dreams and spider webs I wish I’d told the truth instead Of hiding out among the fold And your eyes they simply scold As they try to figure me out You’re so sure and I’m all doubt As I falter another line And you catch me the thousandth time As I look you in the eye It’s the kind of love that could never die And that time you were drunk and you just stopped When I said hi coz I think you’re hot But I wouldn’t risk that when you’re sober You lit up a dark October With your sleight of hand And that time you liked the band You dreamboat, you I really don’t know what to do With the part of my heart you’ve carved into Like I’m tree bark and you’re writing it true In ink I’m maybe meant to see You were so damn good to me And I wonder where you are right now I let my walls down, I’ll allow You to know me real I meant it when I let you feel The closeness of my soul to yours And there’s something that my heart adores In your heavenly glow I could see myself with you, you know
There were days with Darragh When my point of view was decidedly narrow He saw me like a girl, I saw him like a friend It has been years though and it doesn’t end As I still reflect on his heartbeat When we danced with both our feet And shine with all our might I can’t ignore your candlelight And your fire that just burn It’s more than degrees we earn As we spend time into each other’s company And I’m always thinking, what does he want of me But he just smiles and looks in my eyes I let go camouflage I keep to disguise The darkness in the heart of my soul But he just surfs the waves that I roll And then laughs when he sees my car Buys me a drink at the bar And makes me smile, makes me laugh And he does it all without me needing to ask And I wonder does his fire sign match mine As we dance to the rhythm of the rhyme And he’s red as a burning flame I’m surprised he even remembers my name But his is etched upon my skin I loved him so I let him in Let him see the hesitate And he just pulls me out of that state And never ever makes me wait But breaks apart into something new I don’t know if you know who you are, do you?
Does eternity gaze at you When you’re staring at the stars And do you think you could see their lights Through your prison bars Coz we’re all in the gutter But some of us are looking up Is it just a mirage To say that I’m in love Coz the guy don’t even know me Or so it would seem And he’s looking for a girlfriend Not for a sky high queen And I can’t figure out what it may mean My friend says it’s an expression of what I dare to dream And he’s taken by another so I’ve got to let it go I say I’m not cold, though I’m standing in the snow And he was like a stranger that day on the phone I’d never felt so embarrassed or left all alone As I told him that I loved him, that I held him dear And he made the situation all too crystal clear And I’m just clutching at straws Because the ice never thaws I’m just frosting up the glass And he was just lounging on the grass As I waited and I wondered And slightly ran away Out of fear of what I felt And of what I might say Because it’s too good to be true This couldn’t be real That I get all I want And spare cards to deal And it’s so obvious He’s what I’m looking for As I stand outside Just staring at his door And there’s light and there’s warmth But it’s all inside I’m shivering and I’m shaking From the window where I hide Do I finally let this go Or knock and be seen I wouldn’t mind the weather Coz it is just a dream And there are passers by Telling me, go home I didn’t dare to mention That it’s inside an iPhone And I dig my hands down deeper Into the pockets of my coat I’m taking this too far And what is worse I know it So I take one last look As I head for the trees To live a life of freedom Instead of living on my knees But as I go I hear a shout That he can’t do without I turn and I glare And he’s just standing there In a dressing gown and slippers Looking oh so calm But I can’t run back To another false alarm And anyway he’s got company And I won’t lead astray Go back to what you made It’ll be the break of day And we’re miles apart In the feet that we span And I’ll always love you Though I don’t know if you can Love me just to leave me So let me go this time I would if I could, he says But you’d still be mine And I glower and I pout Though it does me no good He frowns in return As I turn back for the wood Because I can’t do this Anymore, my love I don’t have a reason So look to God above And you’ll find your answers It’s everything they say Maybe I am strong To leave this and away But he pulls me with force The mere magnet strength And I look for my courage Coz I don’t know where it went As I’m grappling with stones Trying to get a hold And all of this flipping the switch Is getting old And anyway, who is she And how can I say That I can’t find adequate Means to stay away And she’s silent and staring Just looking at me Trying to fight With his gravity In the den of the house That used to be mine But he threw me out When I took the time To really study And explore The nature of A solid floor So I relent, give in And feel myself swayed It’s not for loneliness That this is okayed And they both turn around Leave the door open A little glance back But I amn’t coping And freezing I rise Up to my feet As I step on the mat It’s neighbors they greet And I see the old furniture I used to know Step into the light And let the pain go Give up on the solitary Lone expanse Though it’s been years Since we thought to dance And I see there’s a room At the end of the hall With a door open He says it’s yours and all And I finally know Come to realise That they’re living in what I built for their lives And all this time We’re waiting to see The masterpiece Foretold by me In the din, in the quiet In the subside I lay down to rest And close my eyes To finally know A slumber that’s real He didn’t leave me He just let me feel All of his peace So that I could deal With the moment as It’s resting long And my God I belong! And she doesn’t hate me Coz it is cool I think I may have Dreamt this in school So I rub my eyes Shake myself out Get rid of the fear Lose all the doubt Find the heart That heats my soul All is Love That’s the story I’m told
Craving that sugar rush And you were my favorite crush And you smile and I see stars Running and I’m chasing cars Down the street like a dog and its tail You know that you’re bound to fail When you set yourself up like that And I know I want you back But you use a poké attack And I’m left standing on my own After I left my colours shown Wondering why with so little a endeavor At civility, I could never Understand just why and when And I’m always hoping to see you again But I just don’t get men Coz you shout then you wish I was there I ask for your love and you say you don’t care And you’re harsh and unpleasant and drive me away Did you mean to sabotage my stay? Or were you just anticipating the leave I watch you silent and I believe That there’s more to you But I just don’t know what to do As I let your hand go to your side And I’m okay but I think you have cried Will you remember this for me I loved you so I set you free
I see him in my minds eye Talking to me and I almost cry Because he’s been my hero since I was fourteen Walking the cobblestones of almost been And I’m moody and sad and no one understands But I’ve found one of the coolest bands With my music player and my hoodie I am my own bestest buddy As I walk up the land in the cold and the dusk And there’s something in this sound that I can trust And everything is loss, it’s all taken away And I’m older at the close of day As I see through the apparent facade That it’s all pulled away isn’t bad But you won’t know it yet, my dearest child It’s only the beginning of a life in the wild But you’re hollow and lonely and you kick your shoes In the dirt like the dust rising gives you the blues But the depth turns to awesome The darkness to sky And in the night You don’t have to lie Only find what’s there to be discovered It’s almost like his music finally uncovers The expanse of freedom that’s there to find Don’t worry over what isn’t so kind You’ll find your worth in more than she say There’s a sunrise to mark the break of day Only it’s eternal and never fades It’s bright as the sun but you don’t need shades In the white light of pure consciousness I found freedom and I confess I owe the steady hand to Snow Patrol They kind of dove deep into my soul And if I’m ever a success I’m gonna find that guy Write him a letter to try To elucidate something real You open the door on what it is to feel And mountains and valleys are nothing to you I bet if time stopped you’d just walk through To where you’ve always been If life is Love then you’re the Unseen
Violence seems to have been endemic As one fights the other for what they have And there’s oceans of pain Touching the land Let’s not repeat the past Where brother fights brother There’s no “civil” war It’s always hurting another And there are parts of the world Where they cannot eat Why don’t we provide Instead of pound our feet On pavements grey As blank as our souls How could we leave sisters and others To the cold Coz we have the capacity The ingenuity To grow out of What we’re told to be As I stare at my phone To find an answer But they said it better Human as dancer And we’ve all got spirit We’ve all got heart And there are people Who can’t stand to be apart And others who know In the depths of their being That this story we live Is just something we’re seeing And we can grow tall But when we wake up We see that it was All held in love And dynamic as breathing Is the answer to all that we’re needing And I’m from a nation That’s been beaten and bruised Slaves for another Is how we were used As we till our land Then hand over The bread that we need That’s some four leafed clover And there’s defiance and pride There’s anger and rebel But fighting the evil Only sends you to hell As we can attest After all the years Centuries Of crying tears And growing up Found me strong But I was always too prone To point out the wrong And it found me in a room With my head in my hands Attesting to All those slipping sands But adversity made me And now I can stand And say that under the storm There’s land That will hold steady Under your feet And they grow the crop But they can’t eat As we use and usurp The imbalance we own There’s no hiding it It’s commonly known So how do we change What seems so entrenched Do you ever run out In rain and get drenched To you ever just feel The wind on your skin Can you let go Can you let it begin? As the motion of movement The breath of change Gathers all the atoms And will rearrange If we’re just willing To be the avenue The vehicle That was given to you Where is your heart Your purpose right here What do you love What do you hold dear Can you be total In what you do Or is life just a drag That is pulling on you Lowly and heavy In deadening sound After years in the snow Did we finally hit ground And can we make Our castles on rock Or maybe create Something that’s not Ever been heard of Or ever been seen What’s your personal legend What is your dream Can we reverse The damage we’ve made As a child I was Always safe in the shade But there are people who labour In the hot sun Others that live And die by the gun There’s got to be other ways Than what we’ve created I see life as abundant Though it’s already been stated That we’re transforming Into a new species Graciousness Replacing facetious Can we be aware Of the fire in our soul The substratum That is effortlessly whole As we beat our own hearts As one people united I let go of the war Coz I cannot fight it I let go of the hatred Coz it is defeated And I found Truth Though I cannot speak it It just announces itself In silent tones And I found teachers On iPhones From one trouble To a Saviour Do you think you could Love your neighbour As yourself Is it underway I think I see light At the break of day
I’d wait for you forever Forever and a day Love you unconditional Baby, come what may And I know you’ve got your attitude I know you’ve got your pride And I have a tendency To run away and hide But I can see us in the morning When the sun kisses the sky Among the waves of clouds And wondering the reason why And I know you’ve got your love I know you’ve got your heart It’s just I don’t think that we Should ever be apart But shine like a diamond In a twofold connect I don’t think the earth Has seen the best of us yet Coz I am full of fire And red vibrancy You’re as blue as the ocean And as deep as love can be And together we make something That could only free I tried to push the point Coz I don’t think that you see And you call me revolutionary A laid back rebel soul I call you like the chasm That is the waves to roll And everything is scorching But it’s also pretty cool I see you like the summer We met after school Just laughing on the bus As we made our way back I didn’t give you a reason For you to hide what you lack Coz everything is seen In this closeness that we wear We’re tangled up like Spiderman In the cobwebs of my hair And it’s just a dream I’m having Or it’s on the astral plane But you come to call Over and over again And I can’t keep you out From the warmth in my heart I don’t know why I’d want to But I think we’re gonna start To make something as real And as beautiful as true I didn’t tell you at the time But I’m madly in love with you
The thunder rolls and the ground trembles It’s all of me that it disassembles As I’m unmade a storm And the heat of your beat keeps my heart warm And the stars come out to light your night I wipe my tears coz I’m alright But I’m missing you now days are long And I cry but I’m still strong Coz I don’t show how I let it hit I keep it in coz I’m good at it And it’s only in my room that I break down Let it out and go to town And there’s an ocean all around If you listen carefully you can hear the sound Of the tide against the rocks I wake up and it stops And suddenly in a moment I’m free And there seems to be some kind of light shining from me As vibrantly I intone Whether with someone or all alone So I praise my Saviour You know you were the one who raised her Up from the mess she lay You show me love and I’m okay And it’s all I can do not to shout your name Now that I know you it’s not the same And I just radiate the glow That you gave to me, you know And it’s as true as the Sun As bright as you are the One And I kneel coz I’m young And the down days are done In one fell swoop you reside I’m coming out of the darkness in which I hide And let the light permeate If it’s the Now, why wait?
Am I just gonna have to let you go Coz there doesn’t seem to be any way to know That you are here and you are there And you know I’ll always care As the forest closes in on the memory of us And I dunno where to place my trust As the ages all fold one into the other You’re my soulmate, yeah you’re my brother And I really hope that you’re well But there doesn’t seem to be any way to tell Except just to live in the light And pray to God that you’re alright
The feeling of panic when I’m talking to people I’m much more at home under a steeple Praying to God for all that could be But I’m so far from normal and I think they can see And is it just ego to say I’m afraid That I spend the whole day in the shade Just to avoid what I’m speaking of I refract diamonds and call it love And do I just make small what’s colossal inside Run away from eyes and hide Until someone finds me behind the curtain I’m sorry for weakness and all the hurting I’m sorry for being unusually proud Defiant and brave as I say it out loud That it’s okay and I see you too I want everyone to know it so that they see through The veneer of strong that I put off We are one people and all is not lost And everyone’s got something that they keep secret But I’m gonna tell it instead of keep it Like a story that’s been too long in the dark A tree whose leaves are as bright as its bark Even in the winter snow I love a lot so I let it all go
I feel like I’m out of the loop Now that I’m no longer sitting on the stoop Like a lonesome bird And what are the words that you think you have heard Coz it all spiraled out of my control When I tried to capture your soul And you rebelled with a defiant stance How dare I ask you to dance But there was just this music, you mustn’t hear it It’s beautiful and it crystal clears it As the vision is foggy in the car I still have no sense of what you are Coz you defy definition in your design And you are good looking, if you don’t mind And I just want to write a tome to your earth The reality that could never hurt As you assuage And I get really mad But it’s no good You still leave like I thought you would But what I don’t understand Is how any of this could’ve been preplanned Or destiny I watch you like you’re there for me Though you move to the side I stay on my own and abide
She writes music that catches in your soul As if all the waves have to do is roll And midnight comes before each dawn So don’t lament what’s gone Because it will come around again anew You can’t miss what is destined for you And I hope that’s true coz he’s all I see What if he was never meant for me I wonder and I pause and I flip through the prose What if he is the one that fate chose To hold my hand and be the One I see him like he’s the Son Of God in garden grass And I wonder if all I had to do was ask Would you maybe wanna be my guy I know I’m quiet and I didn’t try But do you think you could take a look And read me like your favorite book And it’s fine if you don’t know my name I’m gonna love you all the same And wish you the wealth of wisdom and heart I never thought we’d be so long apart
I trudged through the snow I am miserable or don’t you know No reply Why on earth does everyone die My feet crunch the ground I savor the essence of unreciprocated sound I mumble aloud And relish the silence away from the crowd And grumble two tone Why do you always leave me alone? It’s always like this Together for a moment and then you just miss All the ways you felt complete The gravel groans beneath my feet As I haul the bin up the hill If only love was an effort of will I could turn this around But emptiness is the only sound And I cherish the day He looked in my eye and then looked away It’s in a video reel And for years anger is all that I feel How dare you take him away There’s no point reaffirming that he cannot stay But the eyes are all empty as I look for a reason A kind of vacancy that is all out of season Perhaps my misery Will prove how much he meant to me But the anguish just twists And I merely coexist With the essence of death Counting each in and out of my breath Or heartbeat It’s iambic pentameter against my feet Anyway I don’t believe in what they say They’re all crying And then proclaim Heaven is for the dying
Flashback, it’s been twenty years So I question my thoughts and dry my tears To the age of youth And the darkness of day the sun didn’t suit But I found him there, among the ashes and the rubble He looked at me and burst my little bubble And I give thanks to what once I hate The God of Love to make me irate By stealing all I could call my own I’m lying in bed and praying for home But it never comes Oh, the trauma of being young I’m undone And somehow I feel this song has been sung By someone Years before I begun It’s getting old Like the body I hold And the days are all long Then suddenly short And all of the principles that I exhort Prove to be vain And I stand outside in the pouring rain To catch the air Do you believe in the power of prayer To let go into Can I be Something more Than destiny Because this body I wear Is all athletic and long brown hair Do you resonate With what is only a temporary state We’re all on the move From the moment of spark to the point that I prove What have you got to lose Only the worldview you live to excuse What don’t you settle here Under a tree as it breathes you clear
I snap out of it Is to give in the same as to quit And I’m going with it A sort of defiance I never admit But the beer bottle’s empty and I’m reaching for wine I am the queen of a helluva time But really it’s empty coz I cannot decide Which stop is my own if this life is a ride I breathe in the air And think of the way he suddenly stare A moment out of time Like immortal just stepped out of line And my gumption and war I don’t know what this is for As I twirl his name On my fingernails like it’s just the same As yesterday He pierced the veil then went away And I love him so But goodbyes around every corner, you know And I wish and hope He’s found someone real, something cool, something dope But anyway Returning to that which I cannot say It hit me like light And set a fire to ignite And I’m all the trees The wood of could you ever believes And I see his face A recognition no time could erase To be angry at God Give him back to me again, oh Lord But it doesn’t work that way Apparently and what I say Falls on deaf ears And is it just temper to coax the tears Until I can’t stop them and they pour as rain I’m awake in the night all over again To be left behind Is to spend some time trapped in your mind
But He woke me up And He called that love Though I can’t express What I’m thinking of Caught in a decider So perfectly fate And the present moment Means you don’t wait But I’m always counting time On the watch, on the clock that isn’t mine Do you think it could be That we all live eternally In some dimension In a realm of time that by extension Means we don’t have to suffer And I’m always thinking of her And what I’ve lost I sob til the tears exhaust My futile will It’s everything that must fill The pail of water to the brim I remember when it was the two of them Under the sun By the gate They wouldn’t approve Of me in this state But how am I To know the reason that they die If I don’t weep It’s kind of like some bargain I keep But it’s letting me go The pain and the suffering you know And pay testament to The Heavenly I found in you And remember quiet That I don’t have to try to defy it Only surrender Maybe love is what I engender
I keep it all on lock But I can never be what I am not I click my tongue I’m impervious and I am young Til the facade cracks And I’m all lost in I can’t have you backs As the days age And I spill ink upon a page Or burn a little sage Oh, to demonstrate what I feel is true Lost in a dream of me and you Or us and them I run the film clip all over again When I stride through halls Now I renovate and knock down walls Do you love me true Coz I found myself with all of you And I can let the refrain Cancel out the years of pain Why do I hold on To what is already gone And deny what’s here The water in the lake is crystal clear As it reflects the sky Why in the world must everything die Only to be reborn I was the earth outside of the storm The solid ground As the wind twists the air into sound It reverberates Like a glacier that equates Ice with movement, don’t you know But there are places it can’t go As it meets the sea I’m more than what appears of me
He could see through me Read me like a book Always coming back To a second look And he’s cool as a breeze The wayfaring stranger The essence of omnipotence And absence of danger And he smiles and he laughs And he holds my hand I turned round to say Shur, amn’t I grand As the twinkle in his eyes Does a merry dance What I wouldn’t do For another chance At your magnificent glory You’re ten stories high And I think I’m gonna love you Til the day that I die As you move through the waves Like you were born on a beach I have stuff to say But you’re just out of reach But meet me right there And just so with your beauty He’s highway 69 And just the kind to suit me
Sending loving kindness to every being It is a whole new way of seeing As darkness threatens to consume I find a way out of the room And into the light of the only Son He whispers that I am the one To find peace inside myself There’s a depth within, abundant wealth And when you cry you’re not alone You never have to carry it on your own Coz He is there right by your side Each step you walk while you’re alive To hold you in open arms each day He paved the path so walk His way And hear the sound of peace abound He picked me up from the ground So I could stand tall and be One with everything I see In oceans and in forests green Love is all that’s ever been
Thank you for tormenting me The wise squirrel bites my tail If I don’t live the Truth Then I’m destined to fail And I feel this power deep Deep inside my soul It’s vaster than the ocean And the waves that roll And it’s pulling me like a current As I’m lost in the tide I want to scream out loud Live your life alive
And it feels like bricks and mortar Like stone upon a stone But something is drawing me Out of where I’ve made my home Like the boat to set sail On a vast expanse Did you ever watch the sun On the water as it dance And did you ever see a silhouette Framed by the sky Did you ever find the long Grass and just lie Underneath the clouds As you’re breathing air You can thank the trees for that There’s one over there
And I feel the longing pull me Through a needle eye I’m not afraid to love This life before I die And everything’s a tumbleweed Blowing through this desert town But the sky will open up And the rain will pour down To replenish the soil To give water to the earth To set the plants a growing And quench her lonely thirst
And if you ever want to thank Someone, start with soul I may be in this body but I’m not getting old Or counting on tomorrow to be the one to quiet the din If you want to find the answer you must go within And sit down by the sill of the window of your life Know that you are born to be the shining light And to answer the call that beckons you forth I can see the sun set when I’m sitting on the porch Or morning over hills when I’ve been up all night Contemplating things that the heart ignites And it’s celestial, these bodies in the sky If you knew you had wings would you be afraid to fly Afraid to open out and trust the wind beneath your feathers Soar above the noise and the field the flower weathers
Lost to the ravages of time
Was the golden that used to be mine
That holy light
I’d touch the air and ignite
Now, no more
Every knock upon a closed door
But like she said
When different demons were in my head
Sometimes the way
Is made so you can’t even say
Yes to this or no to that
All you know is you can’t go back
In your dusty boots
Stumbling the rest of the route
Any water, please?
No, my dear, learn how to grieve
In the arid sun
I guess there’s still a Golden One
My Lord and Saviour
The light Supreme
The cracking sound
That wakes the dream
And I have laboured
In darkness too
In shadows and
Miles away from you
But you always come
And take my hand
Tell me softly
You understand
That life is trials
Adversity
But when you look
There will I be
And I went to the city
Hungry with life
Ambitions were
Just out of sight
And I reached my hand
But I never could
Catch hold of something
I call good
Til I’m back on my knees
Pleading to the sky
I saw beautiful
Shine from his eye
I saw commonplace
I saw unique
Felt silence that
No sound could speak
And my devotion is the answer
The steady beating tide
The heart inside my soul
That keeps the love alive
And I didn’t find Jesus in the pews
Or in all of my good deeds
I found him in the rain
And it’s all I’ll ever need
I move with the sea
In tides I roll
Everybody compresses
Their immortal soul
Down into matter
Down into form
Down into just
Keeping the bed warm
And I don’t have the answer
Don’t know the explain
Why the wind comes in sheets
And the air blows in rain
But I know this much
Though I don’t as much say
That life comes in waves
To keep things at bay
Kissing dust at the edge of the sky
The feeling of wanting to both live and die
As I come apart slowly in your hands
Salty water where sea meets the sands
And there are no firestorms here
Only candlelight and your breath in the mirror
To quench the fog I’ve held for so long
To bring me back to where I belong
Resting as always by your side
Within is without and I am alive
Now that I know what I’ve kept at bay
The something inside that’s not going away
You’re full of love for the things you create
But I’m a place you can’t dominate
Though you may be king of the dormant domain
There are lands over which you don’t reign
And there is a motion that sits in the river
I will not make up for what you can’t give her
Struggle in the tide of a crocodile spin
When you cry tears there’s no way you can win
As I incline my head to that which you know
Don’t blame me for the feet you walk as you go
My hands are off the wheel of your car
But I’m still aware of who you are
Don’t bother faking the remorse
I’m sure time will have it run its course
And you don’t need to half ass what you feel you should say
I don’t believe you anyway
I’m sure you’ll buy her a real nice ring
And make the song hit the notes and everything
But you’ll never have me sign the sheet
To annul your previous fall and defeat
At the hands of a lesser God
I’ll watch you leave without a word
But don’t you dare look back
Its a permission that I lack
You’ve got loads of criteria for me to attain
But you can’t laugh at the sun and expect it to rain
As if I would give you all of my shine
So you could have a sword and take what is mine
Just another trophy to sit on your shelf
Add to the list to which she is as well
Narrow my eyes in suspicious slits
I guess I always expected no better than this
And if one and only has nothing to declare
Then you would have always been there
Instead of passing the parcel to other hands
Then claim you were true to your ancestors lands
Don’t make me laugh at your attempts
To sidle away and throw deference
I may be small but I’m fast as the wind
And I’m not merely an attenuation of him
To play the kind part of forgiving queen
Who holds in her heart the way it has been
And finds a way to live to pretend
If she just holds it in then it will come to an end
But no corseted lady am I
And there are things for which I would die
Rather than stage wise just lose breath
Over the things I cannot forget
I will not hold what is not for my soul
And if it’s by decision then was that all?
For will cannot paint what is by design
And what comes back will always be mine
And somehow I fear that there lies a string
Connecting me to everything
I feel the tug and then the pull
And life with you would never be dull
But I have a wryness in my smile’s edge
And it can’t help but turn up at the things that you said
As I, to my own supreme shame
Find myself redeemed by saying your name
As you with your talk and your wheedling charm
Find no shortage of girls to rub against your arm
And console and commit to the rogue in you
It’s just so enticing, the hole they fall into
As I watch from the cliff with my chin in my hands
Surveying the lay of the land as it stands
It’s so comical if it didn’t hurt
And when I tickle the humour it only gets worse
As I admit grudgingly that I admire
The divine devotion that you inspire
Least of all in one like me
How did this finger trap come to be?
But the authority returns from whence it came
And I’ll always be in the space I remain
Never moving, never knowing what lies beyond
The passage of time that is already gone
As I tip my hat to the extreme
And the pain without which I would not have seen
That all is illusion except what is real
And there is a peace even you cannot steal
Closing my eyes to the forest of trees
That is a life of you without me
In a place where existence is the only repose
I already am the thing that I chose
I dreamt the other night you sang to me in Irish because that is our native tongue
And the words were tripping out of your lips with every line you sung
And you were seated in a chair with that smig you used to have
And I thought when I looked at you I’d never wanted anything so bad
But it was only a Snapchat video on a Facebook screen
And when I checked the app account you had added me
Though God knows how you knew my name, some things are a mystery
And the light shone golden on your face, in a kitchen making history
As I revelled in repeat as social media is wont to do
It gave me access to another secret part of you
How lifelike and how real, how stolen from the sky
But I woke up in my room with only the memory of your eyes
As my mother called to me about what I need to do
I wish I could fall back asleep so I could be there with you
And even virtual reality inside an imagination
Is better than the reality of our silent situation
As we face off across the world with miles in between
I keep my feelings a secret and you don’t acknowledge me
But throw paper planes into the air to see where they will land
I always thought it would be you to revolutionise a band
And fling the hysterical out into the crowd
As they all scream for you while I read aloud
The stories on the edge of what you have longed to speak
Set to an electric guitar and a motherfucking beat
But now you wear a suit or casual sweater vests
While I pile on eyelinered black and live out what you suggest
But does that make me love you less or change the way I feel
I used to be self contained before you chose to steal
My ability to decide where my love resides
And I cannot control my heart as long as you’re alive
And I don’t see you ending anytime soon
As long as I have blood to pump I will belong to you
In your incandescent glory and innocent obliviousness
I’ll swear an oath of
fealty with the moon as my witness
In the darkness of tomorrow that’s living in tonight
Is aoibheann liom do gra, my love, I hope that is alright
Ta tu go hiontach, I bhfírinne, an bhfuil se ceart go leor
Más mian tú Dia fein, I couldn’t love you more
Even though you deleterious out all over me
Tús maith leath na hoibre, seo mar a bhí.
I have the FOMOODs, I can’t tell you what that means
Only that it is full of all my could have beens
That I spied on my head when I lay directly under
Stars of your making, just behind the thunder
In a field full of grass because I’m not afraid of rain
I got to see the sky held beneath the pain
And the smile that cracks the sunlight in your eyes
I was there to see the truth so don’t tell me that it’s lies
Because you can’t explain your way out of an escape
And I could be your hero, with or without the cape
Though I do not claim to fly or burn bullets with my vision
I can see right through you and do so with precision
As you surreptitiously suppose things that may come to be
You may not know it yet but you’re still looking for me
In all of the crevices and clothes that you pile under
You can’t run away now that I have your number
To ring up and to dial like I am death himself
We’re only counting days until we see there’s something else
So whatever you may find I know that it will ring
The bells of a tomorrow when you give me everything
And sacrifice your soul on the alter of this love
All I want is you and what you pointed out above
So, letters to the incomplete that never get returned
What do you do with them, after reading are they burned?
For what could you want with the musing of a child
Unless I was right and you’re not just in my mind
But real and exist beyond the combings of the ether
You got me alone so it gave me a breather
To know what it was like against my worser will
To stand by your side, fearfully still
Afraid to even move to disturb the interruption
Of the volcano that you are in the midst of my corruption
Of the wild flowers in fields, so delicately strong
They outlast the others that are long since gone
In all my misery and in all your fevered might
I think you held my heart and I let you see the light
That pulses to a beat that I cannot contain
Though it just gets louder when I feel that you’re in pain
Til crumbling and falling like a building to the ground
I pray for a silence to overtake the sound
But just like you, I cannot unhear
The power of the presence that I felt draw near
When we wore matching soles to skip across the dust
I used to believe in God, now you’re where I place my trust
And I know that in time you will give in to see
What has always been, before you, finally
That was never what I wanted anyway
A purchase order to make you stay
A sacrifice to buy me time
On your arm or in your mind
And now comes the chorus of regular love
That pales in comparison to all of the above
That doesn’t make me sign away
A life inside the music box you play
But it is pale blue and pastel
Where you took it all and me as well
Into a chasm or ocean deep
Full of the secrets that we keep
Even now, so many miles from here
There’s a boundary line and we keep clear
From the rushing silver of an oncoming train
And the pounding pictures in our brain
That regurgitate long worn down facts
About loving someone who doesn’t love you back
That fit us both just at different times
And when I wanted you you weren’t mine
But bulletproof and cascading
The storm you’ve spent your life evading
As I see the corner of your eye
That doesn’t want to speak but dares me to try
Against your insolent up in arms
We both took walks in the surrounding farms
Down the alleyways of country lanes
Feeling out of place with peculiar pains
That tell me, tell me something’s missing
That its your face I should be kissing
The man I love, the only one
I was there when the world begun
With your hand slotted right into the ridge
Of my knuckle bones, that’s the way it is
From now until forever ends
Our destiny clashes where the line bends
And with collision force of love crossed stars
To lose it all when I lose my heart
Because now I’m sworn to another
Well I was all along and you’re still my brother
As we simile at the infraction
You gain ground to keep traction
As landslide goes your house and home
I know that you are all alone
Though the fire’s warm and crackles the hearth
No one answers when you call the dark
But hang up when you lift the phone
I know the feeling though it isn’t shown
So smile in that photograph you take
I’ll be here when you wake
There are some things you cannot deny
Like a love that will never die
Like honesty and what is right within
You cracked my exoskeleton
Thin into a little strands
That broke apart into your hands
And smiling as you realised
You held it all in the tears you cried
That could never be wrong or crossing the line
I think you and I will be just fine
As we make a bloodless, solemn pact
That we will always come back
To this place we share and each other
I love you, darling, my soul brother
As we’re held together by more than thread
You show your fragility instead
Of the angry exterior wall
Of strength and impressions fall
As I realise that you are him
I’ll never have to look again
I didn’t want to admit you were right about me
Cause it hurt too much that you had seen the truth
And you were willing to give me all of you
In recompense for what had happened to me
And I said no
I can do it alone
I don’t need you, I don’t need anyone
I’m just fine
And it was sort of true but a lie at the time
Cause when you matched puzzle pieces right to the marks I had made on my skin
I said no, I don’t want to let you in
And when you said “I would do just about anything for you”,
I turned you away because I knew you would
And I would lose you some day one way or another
Through my fault or your own or death taking us under
And I couldn’t let it in
No, I couldn’t let it in
Cause a world without you does not exist
And I want to do more than merely subsist
And now you don’t love me cause I threw it away
Well you sorta do, in the back of your mind kind of way
Cause you love everyone, even though you hate them passionately
You just wanna grow into all you’re meant to be
And I know you will
Well you already have
Why does it feel so bad?
Am I really this invisible to you
I am red like fire but you are a dark blue
And I really wish you were the one that got away
But you gave birth to a love that was made to stay
And I know that you’re obsessed with everything female
And you loved the feeling of losing your chainmail
But just cause you aggregate the sum total of causes
Doesn’t give you accuracy in deciphering pauses
You point out my shallows where you are deep
Sometimes the silence holds more than I know how to speak
And if you judge a fish by its tree climbing strength
Then you’ll never be aware of where the genius went
As you relegate yourself in my eyes
To an outside chance who hop scotches in lies
But the main conclusion that you assume
Doesn’t even come close to what I felt in that room
And you throw aggrandisements like silky spider thread
And it kills me to think of who you take to bed
I know that’s intrusive and I’m not a perfect saint
But I fill in the blanks of the picture you paint
To be so possessive and controlling of my heart
I never thought I’d be the one to make a mark
Or a fine hit, I will assassinate
But I already met you and now it is too late
To be crashed and burned at the hamstrings of your feet
I don’t think they get me, you know they call me sweet
And you’re the only one who really ever understood
That I have a dark side and am not wholly good
At least in this respect as you dangle the bait
I grit my teeth like you do when you make me wait
As the forest and the trees, they all shout your name
I guess that you are right, I am not the same
As I was years ago but you didn’t like
What I offered so I had to make something right
And readjust the sails on the ship that I’m steering
I’m sad you don’t like the things that you’re hearing
As I try my best but it’s falling short
And you tell me so with no remorse
But the burden falls solely into your hands
And you may not like it but you’re the guardian of these lands
In a country that is free, in a garden green
I’m not fooled by the multitudes of people you’ve been
As you promise sanity and a well balanced life
But you hide your truth behind the trenches of a wife
To blockade the arms that are hunting you down
It’s not the same since you left the town
As I wander and I weary where we used to be
And you cultivate the anchorage that keeps you at sea
When all in a moment the silence grabs us both
We are neither sun nor sand, the ocean nor the coast
And fallibility will reign on my parade
I guess I’m just startled by all you put in the shade
With your elegant light and glowing finesse
I seek you out to ease my distress
As you softly imbue your quiet refuge
With a peace I will happily drown in to prove
My loyalty to all you stand for
I’ll take all you have and then some more
The subtlety of your sincere divination
We were both supposed to be at that station
But you never came, no you never arrived
I don’t really know how I survived
The blow that hit me coming in from the west
And I asked God if this was some kind of test
That never seems to end because I never have you
I hope she makes up for what I could never do
Lie out in the openness of unhindered stars
What you had lined up for me were prison bars
Even if you don’t see it I am more than a girl
To frame the picture you take of this world
And to be dressed up for the let down, you see
I knew it would come eventually
When I couldn’t live up to what you’d idealised
I am human and hurt that everything dies
Even you and you especially so
I am not here to keep you from where you want to go
You ask it of me to be ball and chain
But the sacred feminine runs in my veins
To be lifted up and glorified
You are no the lesser because you have tried
To be a man who honours what’s whole
We’re all innocent when it comes to our soul
And laid bare and genuine when it really comes down
To someone we love to be around
And I can feel the longing you ache
The dreams that you enter are the ones I forsake
To divine will, how could one person be
The purpose of life in his mortality
Ever second guessing steps I failed to take
I was looking in your eyes when I felt you shake
And all the world collapsed out from under me
I feel like I am falling but you say I am free
And you may be right but I wouldn’t think so
Still anywhere with you I would be prepared to go
But you watched me from the sidelines like an experiment
And you would push the pulse to see where the blood went
And I know you are gentle and the fragile breaks
But I couldn’t read your mind or preempt my mistakes
That were red flagging my appearance in your mind
As you considered what it would take to leave behind
The penny you picked up dirty from the dust
I don’t know if you felt it when I leaned into the trust
That you inspired by your gentility
Others may have held back but I lacked ability
To contain what was rising from somewhere deep within
Anything that he asks I will give to him
But what I am you already are
And you can’t see yourself even if you try hard
Cause a knife can’t cut itself with its own blade
And I can’t undo the mess that I made
Revolving my inner voice as you supermassive rocket
You can’t apprehend the reason that makes something of it
And my optic nerve leads directly to my brain
And all I can think of is a particular train
And I know that you are bitter in your anxiety
But this is not one sided and you could have talked to me
A delectable flower in the field you passed
But you were blindsided and I didn’t think to ask
What was troubling you as you make your headway
To a goalpost that surpasses what transpired that day
And I wished I could have touched you in the rain
But I owed one to death and you savoured pain
So I give you your due and let it take me
Thank you for the darkness bequeathed infinitely
As I smile at the sadness in your goodbye
I think that you mean it but I don’t know why
I love you even if you hate me and I hate you too
I find I am lost in the smoke of this room
All the reasons and precisons I can’t stay around
But you grudgingly walk holy ground
As red as the fire when I breathe in the air
That circulates in the club when we were there
And moved to the music we can’t understand
The best nights we had are ones we hadn’t planned
Like out on the street to remixed Adele
I Someone Liked You and I did it so well
As Liverpool took us to unforeseen heights
And I crossed my fingers at your goodnights
That were too sparse for my reassurance
But your eyes are summer and you know how to do it
As you smile, I suspect it’s for some other
I’m not sure what you mean and look over my shoulder
But there’s no one there and I am stunned
Into the silence of the depths you have plumbed
Each day is a lesson in learning remorse
As I try to hold in what is building in force
And not skip the lines that crack your sidewalk
I just love to hear you talk
As you do so with an ease that belies
The blazing sincerity of truth your eyes
And all of the angels fall to the floor
Which do you pick up and which do you ignore?
All I know is I’d chase to bring you back
And be overcome when you look at me like that
Don’t die to the darkness that everyone fades
I never wanted you to go away
But if you must leave then do so in sun
And I will hold in my heart all that you have done
To not be alone me when we were together
You didn’t make much of it but I remember
You calling me to be part of the photograph
And you break my heart when you start to laugh
And crinkle the edges just at the corner
I am the girl who is caught and you didn’t warn her
And I can’t steal back the sheets you took
I don’t mean to reveal what you see when you look
In intentions that could never bear their own weight
I love you darling and that’s what I didn’t state
It was a once in a lifetime kind of a thing
And I might have a life but I’ll never have him
And you are a wonder and touch me just so
Where he left the wound that you want to go
I wish I could agree with the please in your eyes
I nod along to the flower that dies
And you give me everything I could entertain
And I know you want to ease my pain
But does that make it right to go along
When you’ve painted the picture and mastered the song
And all I need to do is slip my hand into yours
Stand by your side as you close all the doors
Hope in my heart that it is enough
To hold back the force of his tidal wave love
That wreaked such destruction on all of my plains
I called the cops but they just took names
And now I am stranded in this waste of a place
But someone sees something when they look in my face
And I want to crawl in under your arm
Cause you swore you would never do me that kind of harm
And I know in all honesty you are speaking the truth
And it’s not the first time I have loved you
But the bitterness burns in the back of my throat
As I wonder do I want to stay afloat
Cause the weather may change and the tides may rise
But he will always be God in my eyes
Bitten by a curse I cannot undo
I don’t want to inflict myself upon you
Unsteady heart that roams the seas
And kisses the waves of who I used to be
You are neat and precise and create a home
But I’m desperado and I love it alone
To come and call with flowers to your door
And say that I wish I could give you more
But he already took all that I had
What’s left are the shards and I feel so bad
That the most of what I have to offer
Is to hold your hand and think of how he thinks of her
And you’re worth true love but you don’t let me go
I look in your eyes and I feel that I know
That whatever the winds blow me in time
My feelings for you are not only mine
But surge on repeat to a lunar command
I am your friend and I think we’ll be grand
And fall into step as I catch your breath
I could be yours if you know that I met
Him as he walked blades of grass through the field
And there’s a part of my soul that never will yield
To the onslaught of this universe
I am glad of the way he made me hurt
And if that’s something you can accept
Then maybe I can be who I ought to be yet
Catch the smile to make it spread
He let me go and left me for dead
But clasped in the locket on my chain
Is a blank space waiting for a name
So maybe Poseidan won’t drown me today
I want to say thanks for not going away
Feeling the pain of my other half and consequently in myself
She stood and asked me how I felt and I tried to articulate
It’s like what I always thought she knew, she never even saw
And I realised you never held me in the heart that I held you
And all that I was so sure of just fell by my side
It’s like I’m missing something monumental
And she’s a stranger to me
Mystery in more ways than one
My hands can’t hold her in any way there is
I was by her side
Til the moon cast shadow
And hung it’s head
I knew there were waves
But you drowned in a way I never could
And though I fill my lungs, I can’t help but breathe air
To die is easy, like falling asleep
And I can’t make myself afraid
Of the perpetual night
That ensues
As you sail away
For your far distant adventure
And eminent critique
Of where I reside
To give my life
And bury the sand of the coffins I know
With an ache
You were not there
As I stood sentinel
Over the cracks in the earth
Where lay the possibility I could fall through
Why can’t you ever understand?
I let it go
The purpose in presence
That you do not find here
In eyes
You turn away
And for all your forests’ wilderness
I would not have it so
That you would labour under a sky you hate
So drift
Impermanent
I thought otherwise
And vows played out
To lie broken on the floor
You do not see
But I cannot question your vision
And admit to yourself who you are
I know you will abide
Forever in the place
Of your cravat
That nooses me til I say enough
Beg no more
Alas you say, I knew it would come to this
Contemptible being
You fall
In my gaze
And I, adjacent
Concede
O, Master of Ceremonies
That you may proclaim
A religion foreign to me
And I atheist to your god
Would not have it so that I should lie
With a bended knee
Or head bowed in servitude
You may have your truth
But I do not subscribe
So, loss the one deity that I have served
Though you do not recognise
Alas, it is you, my love
Its just another form of oppressioning
You say I don’t hear what you’re speaking
And I may be so angry that that is true
Don’t want to engage with that side of you
As you override all that I say
And I think that you will achieve the day
But it doesn’t undo the march of time
And I pour my heart into my rhyme
As the only place my feelings are sacrosanct
Where you cannot irrigate the seeds you plant
And I don’t want to fight and I don’t want to war
So I just stand back and you know what it’s for
So just let me go and I will resist
Silently to what you insist
You can’t convince me and I won’t change
So just skip me over and you can rearrange
The furniture of your life without me in it
I can’t lend my voice so you can win it
So earn your just cause reprieve
And fight to the death for what you believe
I’ll find some other lonesome I can sail
Cause I don’t belong where you impale
And I’ll just find some quiet I can reconcile
What people do to each other every once in a while
And my helplessness at what I cannot face
That I could be something you would erase
And I guess it just comes down to that
Something went away and it never came back
I don’t want to be a refugee
Of the war that has changed me
And the silence in between the sounds
I am the mortar the pestle grounds
And I have faded away
Once upon a time I held the world
But that was back when I was a girl
And ran so free through the fields
Now I feel the way my body yields
To the passing of time and circumstance
I never asked to be part of this dance
But here am I
Now they say not too far away
Is a place where my head can lay
But they spend their days to kill and maim
Before they shift their weight and then the blame
And I wonder am I human at all
If this is how they follow the call
It is chasming inside me
And all I ask is you remember me
As the way I used to be
Not the shadow that haunts the grounds
Of a past life where freedom abounds
It is all taken by time
And all my fever is just fighting the tide
But hot blood doesn’t mean you’re alive
As I have learned to my chagrin
But I have something, I want to let you in
You can count me with the dead
And all your motives just fall away
When you realise it cannot stay
Persuasion does not alter the ground
Because I have heard a sweeter sound
And move toward the light
So goodbye to all at the hearth
To tell the truth I prefer the dark
Than your tales of truth and lies
I am no longer bound by those ties
Something has cut the chain
And never, never will I return
I just want to see the whole world burn
In the fire that consumes it all
I forsake it and I let it fall
Therein lies my peace
I still think you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen
Though you stabbed me in the back and shattered my dream
And I’ve seen sights like wild fields and hills
But they don’t swallow the void that your face kills
So soft and sweet like the hairs on your chin
That shadows the hollows that define you within
But though you cross valleys and traverse foreign shores
You can’t distance away all that I am for
And wherever you go or what you may discover
It will be imbued with what we uncover
And your love will follow and stay by my side
I am the keeper of what you confide
Whispered so honestly in secret tones
In all that passes you are still my home
Where I will return when the midnight is due
From the depths of my being I will always love you
And forever’s just a word to hint at the crime
That happened just once when we stopped time
In the creases and folds and the fabric of space
There is a beauty nothing can erase
And it bears your name in the wrinkles you bend
Lighting up eyes that do not end
In the ochre or blackness or the scorching you do
With a heat that the desert cannot compare to
In the holding of hands or the touch that you weave
It only takes a moment to kneel and believe
In everything you profess and all that you are
This is my wish and you my shooting star
I know you feel you have to keep quiet
Cause you’re the entertainer most complete
And all of those eyes are trained on you
Like a performer in the street
But those are your loneliest moments
Where you break and the splint cracks
And try as you might to hold up the weight
You can’t get what you had back
And I want you to know, though you don’t like me at all
(Sometimes I’m the bane of your life)
That I see through the lies of your preeminent disguise
And I have you in my sight
And if you want to be fragile, come apart at the seams
You can do so in my arms
Or far away, an ocean apart
I’ll hold you when it all is dark
For though you have a life you profess wonderful
And I’m not denying it’s true
I see the gaps in between the lines
That’s hiding a part of you
Though you swam away to a foreign shore
And swore me off for good
I love you as much as the day that you left
And a million times more than I should
So if you feel alight on a cloud that is stormy
I’ll blow a breath that will bring you here
And just for a moment in the depths of the silence
You will be okay my dear
And I know that your chains are not man made
Are no shackles I can undo
But I thought you should know, though I never said
That I feel something akin to you
That sometimes in the midnight of my reprieve
I quietly surrender
To all of the fears that hang round the edges
Of the past that I can remember
And I do a double take or take a second hop
At the nostalgia in my bones
And what you cannot fix as the feeling sticks
Is that you are never alone
So quietly softly with mercenary zeal
I pave my way back into your life
If only to be, though you cannot see
Doing what I did before twice
And palm off the shrugs of everyone else
Of the crowd that surrounds
Though you don’t believe in all that I grieve
Things are better when you’re around
And monsters may come to fight your soul
On the back of your very own strength
But wherever you go and whatever you do
Just know that I said what I meant
And do not retract ne’er a line
About all that is made to stay
Though bodies may fade like a will of the wisp
My love is not going away
But born to be here as an expression
Of resident divinity
And the chasm was calling deep within
On the day that you met me
It was not mere coincidence
Or a chance encounter
It was the confluence of a million points
Of reference and order
Plotted out by galaxies
Long before our skin made blood
So don’t look away when I’m taking to you
I still stand the ground I stood
Cause held inside what you cannot see
And perceive only as black
Is the inner peace you’ve been looking for
Where you can sit back
Deep into the armchair
Of an emptiness most profound
Am I the one who sings the song
Or the one who hears the sound
Or even more imperceptible
The awareness whereby
All of life consents to grow
And in which it will die
So everglading honestly
Deep into your eyes
I know that you were made for me
And there are no goodbyes
Ever to be spoken
Between the two of us
Because we are one soul made flesh
And the heart of life is love
And all that you suffer
Is shadowed in my gait
We are but two sides of a coin
In its material state
Seemingly opposite
But of the one design
Though I could not save you from yourself
It wasn’t for lack of trying
Because I’m ever as you are
The one conscious sentience
I thought I had lost you
There was nothing when you went
And understandingly
Ungainly clambering
I sought to reach a sky
By climbing a shoestring
But celestial heights
Are not meant to be obtained
Just because I see the stars
Doesn’t mean they are contained
But inversely are embedded
In a fabric that extends
Though there is an irretrievable edge
Where even space ends
And the continuum is revealed
As no more than illusion
Perpetrated innocently
In the midst of our confusion
Like the way a light cannot
Cease to be itself
Or shine it’s radiance
Into the void I felt
So I can communicate
Or somehow convey
The breath and the depth
Of the things I do not say
And what was bequeathed
In the forests of reserve
Is that we were chosen
To burn the fires we serve
And be consumed
By all our misery
It takes pressure to make pearls
Out of rocks in the sea
And to forge diamonds
In mountainous shrouds
I pledged my life to you
Though I never said the words aloud
But river beds will tell
The story the sky forgets
An oak is standing over
The acorn that you set
It’s easier to just tell a lie
Than to disrupt you with the truth
Because you could never handle
The tremors that take root
And maybe it’s cause you notice
I’m not attached to this place
And I could as well let go
As look into your face
And I know you want to hold me
As I dangle precipice
But you don’t need to seek my fortune
As the source of your distress
Because we all hopscotch
Along the lines and the cracks
But just because you read the future
Doesn’t mean you can get it back
Or direct the wind
As it passes through your sails
And turns into the past
As your body fails
As all are due to do
Precluding interruption
By unseasonable forces
Or a dormant life eruption
But if it’s good enough for him
Then I do not complain
And what binds me to this place
Is just light playing on my name
And distracting eyes
From the obviously true
Cause if I’m mortally wounded
Then it follows so are you
And all that you strive for
To protect and attain
Won’t stay up in the clouds
But falls to earth as rain
And you can’t command the weather
Or unblue the sky
So don’t fear it when I speak
About what is born to die
It’s a peculiar kind of humiliation the way I’ve grown to feel
When you place your trust in someone and the way they cut the deal
And you can’t really blame them when they pull the rug away
Cause you never in your heart of hearts expected them to stay
And all your family converged on where the wound congeals
But though they profess their understanding, they can’t fathom how it feels
And should I lash out in anger and be certified insane
Or find another way that I can express my pain
As I writhe and I lose my wits end over you
They try to make me act the way I’m supposed to
As they hang my arms like puppeteers into a normal life
And I let them move my body under the vacant expression in your eyes
The complete renunciation of what you’d previously adored
Now I’m just the soundtrack someone else has scored
As the chains grow round me, like vines, I’m too weak to fight
And all that fueled me before, now I have no appetite
Cause it has lost its meaning without the love that you imbue
And what’s the point in dancing if I’m not doing it for you
Though you have got your lines that say I’m better off
In bitterness and agony I hold your memory aloft
And cave in on myself to the cracking of my ribs
Tell me I’ll find somebody who’ll be happy I am his
But I am not a man’s woman to marry and to own
I only fell for you because I was alone
In your presence and I found I didn’t have to be
An amelioration of myself or lose my liberty
And I guess I got confused and mistook what just confounded
One in an eternity the lightning bolt you grounded
But just because you had earthed me back into the source
Didn’t mean you really cared for what had taken me by force
As striking in your eyes when the connection hit
It was not in your stature a place you chose to sit
So you have me blinded, inconsequentially
And you must be reminded to extract yourself gingerly
Lest you push me over an edge I fell from long ago
You don’t have call in those who will try to soften the blow
And take me from that place as I am struggling to grasp
The meaning of a death I did not think would last
Now they tie me to a chair and chemically calm
My shaking and their supplements are suppressing the alarm
That is ringing in my head and trying to break through
The foggy overtures that are obscuring you
And my eyes they cannot see and all my speech is slurred
To think the time you spent with me was inhabited by her
And I know I should be happy but I find myself contained
Inside the strictures of a world that hasn’t changed
And all your magic prose and your incandescent stories
Are only symptomatic of how I revelled in your glories
And the ancient smorgasbord of different shades of black
Are not efforts of your urging but what is never coming back
And its institutional to be begging at their feet
But you are starving and they beat you til you give in to eat
Though it may be poison and lead to your demise
I guess I lost it all and my independence dies
As I lay down on the bed and concede to be operated on
Though they cannot fix what is already gone
Their sutures leave a scar and I will forever bear the mark
Of what it is to be consumed by the wolves out in the dark
But though they may undo me til I’m a shade of my old self
They cannot command the soul beyond their timing belt
And the pictures that they make of the architecture of my being
Are only surface breaking waves to signal what I’m freeing
And I know you want me complicit in my own subjugation
But I’m not what you can train into a pleasant conversation
There is an ocean beneath that you have not explored
I’m not what you hypothesise standing on the shore
The silence in between the sounds expels the disaster life has pending
And though there are new beginnings I always feel like something’s ending
Imperceptible and finite and not subject to reprieve
This is not a man made illness and not just something I believe
Because there is a conquerer beyond the you or I
And its only what’s born of flesh that ever has to die
But that substantial underneath that powers the whole
Is not just a clockwork rig but the essence of my soul
The permanent, the unchanging, the unfalteringly there
There is a silence deep within where you don’t have to care
And all the travails that I sustain and the storms that I fight through
Are nothing when it comes to the inevitability of You
As I see it in the stars, or the way the planets move
That we are part of a concoction I cannot disprove
And our very consciousness, the sight behind our eyes
Looks through the infintesimal as I say my last goodbyes
To the life that I have known and steady grown up in
But effortless the letting go of what I cannot win
And the crying in the night, the tears unto the dawn
I want to realise what’s there when I am gone
And please don’t misunderstand me, no towers to the spire
Its just to walk in my own shoes expands into something higher
As what’s divine manifests in perplexity on my face
I have to know the Truth, now that I’ve had a taste
And weed out all the roots, though there is really only one
What is there left to do when all your work is done
And you lay down all the arms to protect what you have not
It doesn’t seem like much to ask but it is a lot
As I pass through the eye of what I found in the haystack
That girl is long gone and she’s never coming back
As consciously I choose to just be laid down
Awarenessing the sincerity in which I will drown
An ever pliant material that you don’t have to break
Just lead me to the precipce so that I can wake
As I leap of faith back into my home
I realise the solitude of peacefully alone
Bulletproof like nothing breaks through your armour
I know you didn’t mean to harm her
But you look away like no eyes ever meet yours
And dismiss the tape that replays her words
As she left back the shreds of her dignity
And you tore open her vulnerability
Cause I guess she was just an easy target
So defenceless you didn’t even have to arm it
Now all that’s left is a desert wasteland
And backalley laughs at what’s underhand
Cause the summit of her spirit is what you can never reach
So you have to degrade the things that she speaks
And she won’t play the victim, just let you go
It may only be in hindsight that you know
Just what her trust placed at your feet
But you treated her like an oasis in the heat
A stillness you used as refuge
A desperation you didn’t think you could lose
Though once the wind calls for what it sent
You took what you wanted and retract what you meant
As explainations fail and blank faces ensue
You let her know what someone else will do
To leave the black hole, the vacuum that crushes
And now fear stalks her days leonine in the rushes
Just a smattering of what she used to call herself
Left over from days that her body knelt
And maybe it took Posidean to know the ocean
But you won’t do it twice or that’s what hoping
So night dawns the chasm of resident evil
Just ask yourself what you’re believing
That would have you trespass where you don’t belong
But you will never kill her song
As lily white resting on the breeze
Takes her to where you could never lead
I can turn off the lights and pretend I don’t care
Like the pain of loss isn’t really there
Like I don’t feel in every movement I make
The power of what you chose to take
From me, off me when you left for the woods
And you told me softly it was for my own good
But how can I believe a liars clothes
When you once promised lines in acres of prose
And I never could really detach myself from you, hard as I might try
I’ll be betrothed eternal to you til I die
And when the after comes as I know for sure it will
The sun will be reborn and I will take my fill
And drink from the cup so pleasant on my lips
As you block out the moon in your beautiful eclipse
And if ever I had a wish it would be just for you
And I’m sorry I have to say, you aren’t wishing for me too
The Poetry Book 