There's men I love that I want to reconnect with 
And there's something that just don't sit 
Right with me 
With this space between us infinitely 
Because it looked like I just dropped hot coal
It was more that I reversed into my soul 
When I felt touched by a stare 
And by a knowing that they were there 
And I can't say it was only one
Because I have seen the sun 
Shine from the being of the purest form 
And when I'd touch a hand it would be warm 
Like the heart that would meet me where I am 
Sometimes I would find it hard to stand 
Like when I met David in the field 
He pushed open the gate and I let it yield 
To his force and desire 
And I may be all fire 
But he is a cool heat of the coal 
Like a soft grey wind of the soul 
Breezing on through 
And your hoodie looked so good on you 
It looked like comfort and home 
And the feeling of not being alone 
And when the door slammed shut
I know you had to adjust 
And you probably thought it was something you'd done 
But it was a reflex I had when I was young 
There to protect the sullen stare 
From what I sensed was in there 
And what could be 
But somehow I'm immortal and eternity
Just sings from these boys that I used to know 
And I will never let go 
Of what they let me see
The part of them that made the admission free 
To the attraction 
Don't say that the satisfaction 
Was one sided 
For, though you hide it, 
I can see the joy breaking across like a wave
And I would save
You in every dream we'd wake
I didn't do it for me, I did it for your sake 
And it wasn't fake 
It was the realest thing I know 
So that might be the reason I can't let it go