In the midst of subterfuge
I painted my lips a shade of rouge
That he had edified 
From the cavern where my soul died
Its first death
In the season of regret
And folly 
There’s holly
Hanging from the trees
But you wouldn’t believe 
Me if I told you what I saw
When the ground started to thaw
And winter gave way
To something some people say
Is only myth 
But I’m sitting in it
And it is open space
The kind of dream that lays waste
To reality
It dealt its cards and folded me 
On the bay 
I was laughing at the good of it anyway
But anyhow, it was not to be avoided 
And I surrendered to the void it
Brought to bear upon my world
I lived and died a young girl 
At fourteen and eight months
And sometimes people can be cunts 
When they’re talking to you 
Like you should give up all that you
Are 
And some star
Shines over the crib
So that I would know it is his 
And I should kneel 
But I would’ve known it by the feel 
Of salvation and the sacred
Then he gave me Ken and the aching 
Started from miles away
Because neither of us can stay
In these forms 
And the bodies that the sun warms
Will one day fade to ash
I know it since before the crash
Of all that I had known 
He was barely even grown 
When I lost him to the water
And I grew up a daughter 
But will never be a wife
I just promised him my life
And I don’t take it back
Not even when he is on the attack
And throwing bricks through the window
He asks me do I sin though
And I just reply
That the ego die
On a slab
And I couldn’t call that bad