The myth of myself
I rivet the dawn
And make preparations
For when it is all gone
Coz it won’t last forever
This person that I’ve made
You only know the sun
When you’re standing in the shade
You only know the midnight
Because come the dawn
You wake up to the instant
That you truly belong
It’s not the poignant moments that make me cry
It’s contemplating that we all die
And you can never keep the sand
That just slips out of your hand
Like it’s an hourglass you flip
Though you’re not in control of it
And everyone you love will age
Like rumpled quilts on a stilted page
Is it more than mere grief
I let it out and there’s relief
But more of thunder and a river held back
But you can’t dam the thing you lack
Only ache for a better day
I let you know coz I love you, okay?
I know people are saying I’m highly strung
And there’s all these celebrities dying young
And there was a time 27 seemed old
Now it’s with the story that’s already been told
And I’ve got to pull myself up by my bootstraps
There’s no telling what’s running off these maps
And it was in a moment I just collapse
Like the fire of a synapse
As it blazes down an avenue
Into the room it just walks through
And strikes me like a light from above
It’s is a kind of redemptive love
And it burned away what I couldn’t see
So I could live the destiny
Right there on the classroom floor
As green as the grass I adore
And they say it might have just been a fit
An epileptic, nothing to do with
The glory of the sky
Just the taste of what it is to die
As I wake up a new girl in the air
It was as though He had answered prayer
And finally it was there
A wisp of wind that told me to care
And when I’m stuck behind walls I feel are lies
I remember how this always tries
To remind me of just what I am
And that everything is part of the plan
As we grow up into adult moves
Bodies that say what they need to prove
What they are at the shore
But I couldn’t have loved you more
And you look at me as though you suspect
That there might be trouble coming next
Because, God knows, your head is wrecked
And it’s everything that it affects
But I just bring the smoothest balm
To wait in the wings and stay calm
And show you what you mean to me
Now that the pain is history
And you are just a love I teach
I’m doing cartwheels on the beach
Now that I have your rapt attention
But there are days I dare not mention
When the tide went out and the water receded
It was as though you were all I needed
But I saw something in the sky
To reflect the blue of your eye
And how I know I’m not alone
When I hear your voice on the phone
And everything you mean to me
Comes flooding back like history
That you could mean the words you say
And that everything might be okay
As I finally give in to let the bay
Take care of me, come what may
I am the place I’m looking to get
And it’s just an illusion to say I’m not there yet
Coz I stand in my own pair of boots
Anchored like tree who has roots
Deep in the soil drawing up
Water and nutrients like they are love
And lead to me flourishing with leaves of green
Nothing isn’t all that it may seem
And I’m used like ink in the nib of a pen
I’ll just jot down, can I write it again
And Now comes to pass as always is
The magic is that I am His
It’s a beautiful Saturday evening
Crisp and clean
Like you’d be playing football
On our field of dreams
And I couldn’t reconcile
The golden green mile
I had to walk
Through valleys of talk
And ideals ripped asunder
Days when my number
Was up
But love
Pushed me through the needle eye
Coz it’s not my time to die
At least not just yet
But I don’t forget
Our moment out of time
And the instant you were mine
I held a holy hand
And it was like sand
Slipping through my fingers
Where are the bringers
Of the doom I seem to sense
And the forest is dense
But I’m all good
Pine cone bed in the middle of the wood
Running like a river
But I can’t get away
What if I let it catch me
And I agree to stay
In the forest of my dreams
In the midnight of my tome
I’m away from you
Or the place that I call home
In the winter, in the summer
In spring, come what may
In autumn the leaves change colour
Because they cannot stay
The same as they’ve been
And life moves on
There’s no need to mourn
What is already gone
It’s slowly fading away
The voice I grew to stand up and say
Stop, you can’t do that
But it’s a boomerang and it hit me back
As I laid out my ammunition
To absolve me from my condition
But the weather rained bullets from the sky
And I realized I’m afraid to die
To stand out in the water
Like the lowly daughter
Of the Son
But now and then all things are One
And I zing with zest
Living my life being the best
Of all I can be
Why do nobody see
But that is not my claim
To lay upon my name
A steady sigh
Can I look fate in the eye
And accept the cards have been dealt
And that the scar from the welt
Will grow into a beautiful prize
A mark of forever in my own eyes
The life I swore I wouldn’t live in
I just crawled back towards the sin
And made a stick house out of lollipop sticks
Chew gum and hope that something sticks
Coz I’m out in the open when I’m with you
I shed my clothes coz you asked me to
And in my defense I have none
I gave it up for God’s Son
And I’m humming mobile as I walk
Wonder if I’m just all talk
Or does the substance of me
Have something to give you for free
But you’re all tied up with her
Denying everything we ever were
And I’m the last one in the club
(But I say no to the drug)
You just offer up
But I can’t call this love
Not when you bargain a chip
Then say I’m the one with it
The last one at the table
Look at me if you’re able
Coz you drop your eyes
Like there is no disguise
That could ever keep us apart
And I must admit I am all heart
When it’s beating for you
Don’t walk away just coz I asked you to
I’m just scared that’s all
(And you are really tall)
Could you maybe hold my hand
For a moment’s change before the sand
Runs out of the hourglass
Did I ever tell you you are class!
Imma bounce
Like a cat about to pounce
Or the people you denounce
Coz I just can’t stay still in chains
I look up to the sky and it rains
Open air and fresh water blues
You know the breeze smells of you
Like fresh grass or school in the nineties era
Kind of scary and I feared ya
When you looked deeply into me
What is it that you see
Coz your eyes are golden
And no one would believe me even if I’d told em
But you stay still and silent as the grave
I never knew my own power to save
With my mere presence alone
Now you’re just on the other end of a phone
And I followed every line you dropped
Til the moment when it just stopped
And I couldn’t contain the rush
Is it now we get to touch
Coz we seem separated by a million miles
But I could never pay for one of your smiles
It radiates like a frequency to burn
I swear you make the world turn
Living in a decade old dream
One where you’re the king and I’m the queen
And we live somewhere outside of town
Somewhere no one is around
So we can do what we like in the night
Or in the morning when the daytime gets bright
And I’ve bought a house with a little land
You’re in a band and d’ya know we’re grand
Living a little off the earth
Gone past the realm of hurt
And my belly’s swelling with something in store
Something you put there and what’s more
Is that I’m a writer and sing of our song
And you can do no wrong
But the axis turned when I spelled it out
I could feel the hinges of your doubt
Rock the door side to side
And I’m breathing or I wouldn’t know I’m alive
In that sudden pause
The hidden clause
And we haven’t spoken since
The thought of it makes me wince
But you speak to me in dreams
And nothing is as ever ever what it seems
And is it telepathy or psychosis
Do I round the corner of a diagnosis
To say I’m ESP as a person can be
But still the masses do not see
Except for that look in your eye
Like you had found something that will not die
In this world of intemperance and fear
There was a moment the monument clear
The clouds that rise like storms around
But where we are is solid ground
You walk like you’ve got thunder in your soles
You move like you’re the waves that roll
And I’ve been a lightning catcher since 2005
But I didn’t know you were alive
Til the cloud rolled over my town
And the rain is pouring down
Over fields
And the feeling yields
To the magnitude of you
What am I supposed to do
With a force like that
And I’ve no right to want you back
When I walked away
And left you with nothing to say
But I can feel your reverberation
On the other side of this equation
And I just wanna balance the sheet
Is it ok if I meet
You in my dreams
It’s everything it seems
In twilight or the dawn
You said that it was gone
But you’re a consequence of light
I spitfire and you ignite
They walked away from the town they knew
And Longford’s not the same without you
The streets are grey, the skies are dull
And my skin’s as thin as cotton wool
And I still remember where we left that day
In the car park with nothing to say
So I wrapped my arms around your waist
But you had to go, make haste
And for that whole week I was delirious
Shooting hoops so serious
I sat on the floor by the kitchen sink
And my stomach did flips to barely think
Of you somewhere with a phone
To reach into my alone
And make it two
So I can be lonely with you
And then I saw you again at the battle of the bands
I didn’t know where to place my hands
So I ran off to the restroom
I knew I had to come out sometime soon
And that you would be waiting
There’s no hating
Just a vague terror for you to see
What resides at the heart of me
But I stood my ground on a screen
Willing to be truly seen
Did you feel my soul
Reach out across the coal
You walk upon
I’m not gone
But here in the room we know
I did not let you go
But hold you in my heart so true
I stare to say I’ve been waiting for you
We can’t take one moment for granted
Nothing’s guaranteed
Life ends in death
We rely on the blood we bleed
To keep the body going
I look out the window
And the sky is snowing
Everything lending itself to another
The rain is frozen
And I lost a brother
In the storm
The river flowed
I may have taken the less travelled road
But it wasn’t for the good of my health
And it sure as hell hasn’t given me wealth
Except an inner gratitude
And a reliance on the dude
That runs the show
Is there something I should know
Or do I just apt predict
So worried that I make myself sick
And have to be revolved on medication
There’s no point lying about my tv station
And if I’m off them for long
I start to feel like I don’t belong
To even the human race at all
I drink it in at the waterfall
And run, simply run down the hall
Of the institution I became part of
Resident of guarded love
And I hate but I also care
Feel the torment start to tear
At the edifice I’ve built
I don’t know why but I wilt
Under the glare of a heavy sun
And I’m always looking for the one
Who might make my stars shine bright
But the blade became my kryptonite
As it etched in stone what my heart would write
Only to feel the pull of the tide
The breath that means I am alive
As I drag my body out of the morass
I waken up when I am in class
And revive to a certain degree
Ten years to know it’s not just me
Who feels this way
And there needs to be a conversation
About what it means to stay
And guidance from the ground
About the people you always want around
Do you hear the triangle ping
I let go and give up everything
I’ve got these pair of wings
Behind a heart that sings
And it spreads out to occupy
There’s a part of me that will never die
Coz I’ve touched upon the infinite
Is it alright
If I speak of the moment great
When I outgrew the hate
But just for an instant and then recede
I tell the people but they don’t believe
In what I gotta say
Is it okay
If I tell you a story new
Of a room and vibrant blue
And I found myself on the floor
Drew my first breath and I adore
The world I’ve been born into
And it’s always been you
I wanted to tell
Coz I know you’ve been through some sort of hell
And you’ve been by my side for an eon
But there’s nothing we seem to agree on
But the war we wage
Could you understand if I wrote a page
In testament to what you are
You’re more than a burning star
Coz you will never go out
And I will give leave to my mouth
To speak what I gotta say
I love you, is that okay
Photo Credit: https://pin.it/6Sh0cnx
Is she battered and bruised
Or just slightly used
Coz I can’t clamber back up
Into the heights of our love
It’s like something has been locked out
And it smacks of my doubt
In a crescent moon
And is the end coming soon
Or do we have time
Is it a holy crime
To count the days of tomorrow as now
Coz life won’t let me somehow
It gives me clear directions and tells me write
I look up and you’re alright
So I dip my quill
Let the ink spill
And though I never will
I paint pictures with the upmost skill
Until
The bell chimes
And we’re full of “I’m fine”s
But how are you really
And do you feel me
Or is it just refraction
I’m stifled by my own inaction
In the face of war
Could you tell me what it’s for
Coz I hear the gun ring out
And my self doubt
Spirals a song
Could you tell me what I’m doing wrong?
And I feel our humanity
But it’s just not up to me
As I swim in the stream
Against the current and it’s a dream
Can I wake up now
I’ll hold your hand if you allow
So that we both might stir
My reflection in the still of her
The fire’s brimming full
And I can’t bear the cotton wool
They wrap me in
Can I begin
To become a star
Like the way I feel afar
When the rain is thundering down
And I’m just driving around the town
I used to call home
And am I all alone
Or does she care
And do I dare
To spill the words
Like liquid ink
Is it okay to think
Whatever I like
But, Lord, don’t give her a mic
Looking through the windowglass
Trying to find the pane
But all there ever seems to be
Is rain
And it’s pouring down
Enough to drown
A whole city with its depth
Do you live in the forest of no regret
And can a fire burn it up
It’s like the sun on speed or some other drug
Taking uppers to keep the high
But there’s no blue in the sky
It’s all a trick of the light
But don’t worry, son, you’ll be alright
As we trust fall into the air
I just know there’s something there
Some Jesus to catch my soul
Science says the waves roll
Because of the moon
But is there room
For a little mystery
A sort of adjacent history
That plies the wood
And pries me apart
And everything I do
Is done with heart
To be the full of my Spirit
You’re right, but where did you hear it?
We’re on the frontier of a new design
And it’s not like I can call anything mine
As we switch up the fray
And while it’s sunny I’m gonna make hay
And set it in store
Could you wish for anything more
Than grain in the barn
And those you love safe from harm
As the storm rages
And I’m furiously writing pages
Coz I’ve just got to get this damn thing down
Before the ocean rises and we start to drown
Because I cannot quell the tide
But I can speak while I’m alive
I just want you to know
How I feel
And when I’m famous
You can steal
Into these caverns
These hallowed halls
Separated by spaces
And held together by walls
And hold a little tome
A book that when I was all alone
Spoke of you
Though it wasn’t because I wanted it to
It’s just because it’s true
I love the paradigm of you
Slow dancing in the street
The moment our heart meet
And realise it’s one
And the sun
Has gone down
We’re dancing in the dark of this town
And I want you as much as I ever did
There’s a part of my soul that’s his
As we move to a steady sway
And everything is okay
With his arms around me
It’s kinda like love surround me
I’m the midnight of a moment that I share
I was happy because you were there
I was just walking home with Daz
Wondering about that shine he has
And I would’ve asked him up
If I thought he’d’ve wanted a cup
Of tea to warm our bones
Coz we are so far from home
Here in this big city
And it’s a bit shitty
I never told you how I felt
Never let on the cards were dealt
The first time you smiled at me
You know you made me feel pretty
And I feel so aged and old
But it’s not too late for our story to be told
And I wonder how you are
Did you find a star
To shine as bright as you do
And do I still mean something to you?
Back to NY
And I’m not even gonna try
To put you off
Don’t know what’s the cost
Of loving, longing, holding you dear
And things are crystal clear
When it comes to you
Don’t you know what I’m gonna do
When I get you in my arms
Forswear all the folk charms
To open to your sunshine soul
And you know how things roll
You got me in the heart
And I just wait for things to start
Like they did ten years ago
But we’re forever so
I don’t need to worry
Take your time, babe, there’s no hurry
They gave me some lemons
And they were sour
But I don’t need to wait
Until the eleventh hour
To make a change
All is mind and rearrange
The terraces of fear into love
And it fits me like a glove
Though I’ve been in the ring with Cassius Clay
He taught me to get up after, okay
Like I’m some kind of Jedi knight
Living for the light
As it breaks a new dawn
Over all I thought was gone
And they held me in a state
But I’m not gonna wait
To be all I am
Everything’s in the plan
Of God to be reborn
And even in the storm
I could find a man to say
Everything is okay
In eyes, on lock, in the bay
And I’m holding back the laughter
Because this is such a beautiful disaster
And for all intents and purposes I’m the chosen one
You don’t have to be a son
To be a holy child
Oh, the open air and running wild
Into fields that are free
There is so much more to me
Than any of them can see
And is St. Pat’s history
I left it with my dignity
Somewhere among the stars
Why did I keep chasing cars
Around dean swift
Thinking the guys just want a shift
As Emmet holds my gaze
If he was a hero I bet he’d save
Me with his honest and true
For a moment I relied on you
Let my weight rest on your shoulder
No more Lara and her boulder
To run from
It’s like the fear is gone
When you set the scene
I’ll remember you when the dream
Comes true
A smile, and I wink at you
You came so close to the mask
I let it slip
The moment held
And I equip
Myself for heartbreak
But love’s in every breath I take
And should I let you know
That I’ll follow where you go
So we can be close
And the ghost
Of the past is flying by
We don’t need to try
To be everything we are
I wish on you like a shooting star
It’s okay
You’re safe with me
I don’t need to know
Your history
Just stay in the space
Where it is you and I
The tornado spins
But we’re safe in the eye
Of the storm
All around
You can trust me
To hold the sound
Of a tuning fork
What is that that you retort
That I’m not really down
But I pause just outside your town
To see if you’re in there for real
And I would like to steal
Away into the night
But I’ll settle for knowing you
Alright?
Hopping the lines she draws in the sand
I look at her and love is grand
And it’s all a spectrum really
I wonder if she’d ever steal me
Away into the night
Because she made me feel alright
As we talk unto the dawn
But it’s been ten years that I’m gone
And she laughed out loud at stuff I said
Like the man next door might want us dead
Or how I had the hots for a young Blair
And she had the coolest fuckin’ hair
But she’s got a partner now
And some beautiful children that life allows
To have a mother dear
And one thing is crystal clear
I had a girl crush on you
And I dunno, maybe I still do
Though it goes against the grain
I turn my face up unto the rain
Just to feel the feel of it
I sign my name and I quit
This effortless game
She said happy with her name
And she deserves everything she has
Showed me I don’t have to be one of the lads
I can just be the quiet me
A warm jumper and the tea
Is this an artist’s rendering
Of unimaginable pain
It all came down on me
Like thunderous rain
And I look afar
There was no sign
But I’m still so sure
Of what was once mine
That’s just barely there
But still it is
I was hers
Before I was his
And all I do is hide it
There are days I can’t abide it
But I trudge through the snow
Is it wrong to let her know
How much I suffered without her
And I’m all faith but there are days a doubter
Like Thomas and the Saviour
It took years to raise her
Up from the phoenix and ash
I swore I’d be there if you’d ever come back
But it’s like using a cane
To get around
It works but it’s not the exact sound
Of the step I used to know
And I can’t let go
Of all the people I love
The ones beside me
The ones above
The days that close in the evening
The team and Don’t Stop Believing
In all that you used to be
Is there somewhere it is you and me?
I was there that one time
When everything deserted me
Well, except the Lord
And I could write a foreword
On the story of my life
It goes she won’t be a wife
But will run with wolves
Along the chasm that destiny pulls
Me into it’s dark black hole
But it can’t outshine my soul
With all its unfettered wisdom
That starts an event horizon
But I keep my eyes on
Who I really am
I’m just walking, I don’t have a plan
And you take a stand for who you are
And you remind me of the north star
Always guiding me home
Just know you’re not alone
I remember the chats I used to have
With a certain Shane
And maybe I shouldn’t mention his name
But he made me feel awesome socks
I ran away when the door knocks
And it’s him asking to be let in
And I just shout over the din
Of the silence that resounds
Sometimes the quiet is the only sound
And he’s too quick to doubt belief
I stand listening like a thief
That would steal away a word
Like it’s the best thing I’ve ever heard
And we lost the Americans that day on the bus
And our friend is where I place my trust
As I lean on her arm for support
We’ve always had a kind of rapport
Ever since that day in Delphi
Where we saw the sheep like an elf we
Had a vision of the whole land
Washing over the waves like sand
And she’s taller than I can believe
And cooler than I can thieve
Away from the sky
Something binds us until we die
And I hung out with the engineers
And found some moments that life endears
Me to all and sundry
Just don’t look for sunny on a Monday
And she’s the one who told me to scrawl
My thoughts on the internet like a graffitied wall
And I’ve gotta be grateful to her and all
As I jumped up to catch the ball
And land with running feet
To the place where destiny meet
It’s tv on the radio and all I see
Is you throwing shapes at me
It was just a random Tuesday
I walked back to school
There was nothing happening
All was cool
All was fine
And that was the last time
I was free of the knowledge that
You were gone
I haven’t thought about it in so long
I came in the gate
The sun was shining
I wasn’t late
And I walked round the corner
Met Natalie
She looked with crying eyes at me
Expecting me to know
I panicked as I realized truth
Was hitting me again in youth
Who? Who?
And she let the name go
I was reeling with the blow
And we passed each other by
I stared at the sky
All I could think was
Where’s my school bag
I have to get my stuff
Why is it so important
What I’m not thinking of
And we gathered in the Oratory
Like a smashed piece of glass
And one of the girls hugged me
She sat beside me in class
And all I could think of
Is you love
And I try not to feel
The sensation
I lean on the others
For consolation
And I caught my maths teachers eye
As my sister fell into my arms to cry
And he looked away
There was nothing to say
Coz how do you deal with it
Death, the punch
One minute you’re fine
Just coming back from lunch
Next minute the Chaplain
Has us all in a bunch
And I didn’t cry
The tears wouldn’t come
And you were just
So young, so young
And I shut off my feelings
For the next fifteen years
Coz I haven’t lost you
If I don’t cry the tears
And hold it all together
But the sky is rainfall
And loss is the weather
And I try to recall
So I won’t forget
Every memory of you
That’s fresh in my mind yet
And what would you say
To us all
I have the faith
That you’re not gone at all
But watching over us
And blessing the ground
That we walk
You hear every sound
And catch every weep
I take tablets to help me to sleep
As I fall asunder
Is it any wonder
But something in me just holds you fast
You’re in our hearts so you haven’t really passed
And I’m finally opening the doors to talk
About the confidence in your walk
And the way you just breeze on through
I hope that you know I still miss you
And that I still feel your light on days
I find you in quieter ways
As you whisper your love in the moment I break
I let it go for God’s sake
Live strong
And let the beat hold the song
Up where there are no lies
From the mutant in disguise
And maya does it’s best to capture
But you have me in a state of rapture
Ringing bells from on high
And I am not afraid to die
Coz it’s just a veil that we pass through
Fr. P said that when we lost you
To a sudden and sharp
But we’re not alone in the dark
We’re held somewhere we can’t contemplate
And no one is locked out of that state
And I’ve been knocking on the door
But it was open and I adore
The freedom that has come to reign
Like I’ve been kissed by the pain
Til all that once held a stain
Washed away in sheets of rain
That just pour from the sky
The ground is nourished when clouds cry
So why should I fear my own tears
For it has been many years
In a silent solitary slumber
But the Divine is not going under
No matter how I bury my soul
Waves only know how to roll
There’s nothing love can’t do
It somehow brought me to you
And in our chasm call
Though we fight and the wall
Seems to rise between us
Baby, you couldn’t even dream up
This kind of love
And I’m five and the dove
Flies overhead
Warding off the resident dread
To come again another day
Do I just get in your way
Or are we okay
Because I fly
And I know you die
In a room alone
God damn, just look at your phone
And you will find me there
A digital realm of true care
To vanquish the pain
What was lost we can never gain
But an aside
I am alive
And so are you
So there’s really nothing stopping us two
The love I have for you
Burns magnets into the sky
The love I have for you
Is not afraid to die
And even when the goings tough
The waves they rage, it’s not enough
But something pulls us through
And I have faith in you
In weather inclement or fair
I gotta trust that you are there
Ready to be by my side
Always keeping my love alive
Nathaniel springs to mind
He is the drug I hug in kind
And the seasons spin around
But we all stand on solid ground
Ready to stamp our boots
For a tree to grow it must have roots
And soak up the moisture from the soil
And I wouldn’t be a Coyle
If I didn’t stand up for what’s true
And it just so happens that truth is You
Diesel is desire
And if there’s a spark it’ll catch fire
And explode
I didn’t know the less travelled road
Was a trail to blaze
Oh, all the cities I raze
To the ground
Just to hear the sound
Of tomorrow’s bells
Will we all burn in hell
As we make hell on earth
Poison the soil we call dirt
Then throw it at each other
Coz we can’t grow from it, brother
Love, he reaches out to you
And, God, I don’t know what to do
But I move my feet
To the tune of his beat
And it’s not quite a dance
Coz it’s woken from the trance
And music don’t sound the same
But I vibrate to the holy name
Of the one who saved my life
Not once but more than I’d like
And I’ve been relegated in the extreme
But it’s only within the dream
My Jesus opened the door
He let me see that there’s something more
Beyond the chasm of calls
The teaching of words, the world’s enthralled
And I was on my knees begging to sky
Watching someone I love slowly die
Why don’t you do something, where are you
But you took her and put me through
Some kind of hell
What is it the story that you tell
That the Almighty is all that exists
Then why did you put me on your list
And it’s a sudden awning pain
Like the cold when you’ve been out in rain
And I’m on the floor
With my head resting against the door
And a sudden spark ignites
Wherefrom did all these lights
Appear
And I hear her say, my dear
Like she always did when she was alive
And her flowers didn’t survive
But something she planted did, God knows
It’s been living in me and it shows
So I wash my face, dry my tears
And I’ve been holding it in for years and years
And it’s finally singing a song
My Lord, you did nothing wrong
And it’s more than a future reunite
It’s a love that holds you in the night
When you’re punching the air
Cursing all that isn’t there
But something new is born
The moment that the fabric’s torn
The way the world collapsed
It was war, it wasn’t fair
Now I’m standing at the door
I’m about to knock and you are there
And I feel the crush
Of all the atoms
Press against my body
Flatten
And are you some kind of Jesus
Coz I feel like praying
You double entendre
What are you saying
And I venerate
The myth I made of you
It’s something you could never live up to
Except for the fact that you do
I never get tired looking at you
And I know you have a girl
But can’t I admire a tree
Knowing that it will never be for me
Unless you pull some cat out of the bag
Like you’re my saviour in drag
And why did I feel the con
The moment that you were gone
Repair all my broken parts
The wounds that make my system start
To chuck, now the machine is dead
And I’m kind of wondering what goes through your head
And you called me a bitch
But that’s a bit rich
Coming from a rock like you
You wouldn’t move just coz I told you to
I’m just walking to school
And I think about you
I wonder if
You think about me too
And we haven’t met
But I know you’re there
We whisper sidewalks
So you know that I care
And winter is coming
There’s a chill in the air
And I haven’t got a hope
Or an answered prayer
As I realise there’s more
Than I can countenance
I can’t take the weather
Making my heart dance
Into the ocean
Of meeting your stare
Thank God and the sky
That you are there
A rising tide lifts all boats
But that only works if the damn thing floats
Else you have a tidal wave
And drown the people you’re trying to save
And are we crushing the flower we walk upon
Will we only know when it’s gone
When it’s too late to turn back
Fighting over what we lack
Or will there be a new tomorrow
Where we wake up from all the sorrow
Into a domain of peace
Where forgiveness is our just release
And what part do I play
Do I stand up for what I can’t say
As it ushers in a new command
Aren’t we too wise to fight over land?
I lean against her side
And I’m so glad we’re both alive
But I watch the clock ticking down
One day we will all be gone from this town
And the years that we pass
Are just breath moving, it doesn’t last
And I looked down a loaded gun
When I thought I was the only one
Standing in these pair of shoes
I get up every morning and pay my dues
With money I just don’t have
Why do I feel so bad
As I read about storms in the Russian tundra
As the threads all pull asunder
And the dress I made is shreds of grass
One more day is all I ask
Til there’s one that is no more
Did you know I knocked upon your door
To see would you answer it
With your debonair and characteristic wit
But I shiver on the step, inside it’s warm
What is the reason I was born
Coz I muse and I wonder and I ask why
And I just don’t believe I could ever die
As I look out the window, Dromod’s across the river
And there was that girl and I still don’t forgive her
For breaking into my house to steal
Til I decked it, are you for real?
And there was another who stood at my height
I reach out to her, she says; “you’re alright”
He interjects and it’s circumspect
Coz how could I attenuate
Any of this love with hate
And sure he’s a nice man
But he only listens when he thinks you can
Find a way to follow the line
He’s wasting my space like he’s wasting my time
And I’ve gotta grow up and be
The writer of a new destiny
Don’t have time for this pity lark
And as I’m walking through the park
I feel one with the grass
If this is psychosis I hope it last
Coz you’ve got a label
But you cannot see
Over the rim of your spectacle
As you look at me
And maybe a kundalini and the crown
Might be the reason why I drown
In a sea of ocean vast
The emptiness and fullness pass
Til I’m all or nothing but down for this
And I’m in love with someone I only kiss
Through the bars of Orion
I don’t know, it just feels like flying
Through somewhere where gravity
Obeys the rules of destiny
And let’s me lift off from where I am
I just walk without a plan
And It leads me where It’s going
I look outside and the Sun is snowing
I let the water percolate
To pull the world out of this state
And do we give with our whole hearts
Or do we lead in fits and starts
I know coz I see it in you
But, damn, it’s not just us two
And there are those in other shoes
Who can’t get by without our dues
And just because we’re strong
Don’t mean we can’t put a foot wrong
And I know the sand by the water
I know the feeling of being daughter
But I’ve grown to realise
The permanence in temporary skies
And even rain and sun
Must give way to the One
The Eternal Sphere
It’s evidence is crystal clear
Just turn within
The Son of God and I am Him
We gotta draw the line
(I tell him I’m fine)
But he insists that I
Am too distressed not to die
And I try to fight
But he blows out the candlelight
So I’m just fumbling in the dark
For a torch in the park
And it’s no place to be in times like these
And St. Pat’s brought me to my knees
And I want to fly in the face
Of what they swear is my disgrace
And I disagree
But his degree
Is not in conflict resolution
And he seeks the dissolution
Of this state of mind
But look at what I’d leave behind
If I just left you there
With no one watching and no one to care
As I muck it out in the trenches
They call my name when I’m sitting on benches
My place to make a scene
And this vision is a dream
But I will make it real
I pay back what I steal
I a hundred pound notes
I’m Gandhi or at least one of his quotes
The year I took myself to task
Was the year that I thought to ask
You if you would be my friend
And the year of twenty one will never end
But it’s filled with ennui
Coz I lost what I gave for free
And all the time you were with her
I didn’t know that it stir
As you wake up to believe
More than wiping your eyes with your sleeve
And I got committed to a mental equation
Adding up how I might hate him
But I can’t make it last or real
As they try to make me not feel
Anything at all, a deadening tome
I thought you stood alone
But there was wind in your hair
I didn’t realise she was your air
As I breathed in all I could take
Til I’m the diamond you forsake
Hidden in the rough and tumble
But my facade starts to crumble
As I let the truth sneak in
Would I settle for just part of him?
Do you remember the day I met him
And I was down for the win
And is it just passé
But he makes me feel that way
More than I can explain
Like getting soaked in the rain
By the sky as it opens up
Is it right to call this love
When it rips me apart
Though I lead by the heart
And is there magic in the equation
You look at me with elation
As you realise all the daggers
Come with an award that staggers
Across the floor of me
Don’t you know this damn thing’s free
It was shallow water
And I waded in deep
I stayed up all night
When everyone was asleep
Just to write love letters to the stars
And you know my prison bars
Were something I could see around
Did she make a sound
When she crossed the floor
And I used to adore
The ground she walked on
Til I became something she talked on
And I swore I would keep something secret
It’s not like bread, you cannot eat it
Only muse on what you have become
And it was dark and I was young
But she showed me the light
As I exploded into kryptonite
Shattered glass on the floor
But I wanted more
Than just some addendum you throw a bone
Maybe I’m better off all alone
Or with the ones I can stand
I hate to say it but it was underhand
The way you tore me down
I played the thief, you played the clown
And you know I felt sorry for you
Despite what you put me through
As I diary entries that I can’t speak
You hit me hard and I was weak
And the fire seemed to catch
I left the room, you left the latch
Open like I’m coming through
But we lost what I had with you
Among the flying knives that shatter the glass
I’ve found something that could last
And everywhere I look’s the same
I’m seventeen in everything but name
And she’s as awesome as she always was
And I love him just because
He’s different and nice
And didn’t expect me to look twice
But I’ve been looking in the mirror
For as many years as I fear
To add to in the relentless pursuit
Of time that is consuming our youth
And I noticed my skin looks dragged
Did I ever appreciate what I had
When it was there for real
Does he care what I feel
And would he care to know
The places that my daydreams go
When they are resting on solid ground
Does he know I love the sound
Of forever in his intonation
I fuck it up then I go on vacation
For a decade or so
But I love how we take it slow
What is a starship when it's at home And must a tomcat always roam Or be swan faithful by the sea Like the Children of Lír that wait for me And was there some kind of ancient fable That monumental on the table Made enough bread for us all to eat But there's millions in the bank and death on the street How can we let this continue As if loss is on the menu And the rolling hills of vagabonds Play the fool like two dumb blondes And I know this is not the female's fault But we go along with the lie we've bought As a child not of our womb Starves to death in an empty room Full of faces who just placade And there are millions in that state As we deny, deny We just simply shouldn't try To bring this to fruition Just spending more on ammunution Seems to relieve a conscience broke From all the words we have not spoke And I cannot speak for myself Because I have my own story of wealth And how I try to keep it from my door But if I had it I could give more And make a change on that plain But what if I could not contain The contempt and the corruption Like Vesuvius and eruption Like lava and all it encases The modern history and what it erases Or geography to keep us asleep To the promise that together would keep And am I just out on the run Or do I speak to some Who feel the same way I do The conundrum and me and you
Writing my storm Well, at least I'm warm Coz the thunder rumbles And the lightning cracks ground And I can feel the heat surround As the cold front meets it match An opposite in a roof of thatch As it sets fire to what it knows And it's, you know, anything goes And I've destroyed everything I once had I speak my mind and I feel bad But at least I'm living Is it time for more forgiving Of the grudge match I keep with her Coz I'm mad at what we were As she'd take a little pick And chip away at me, so to speak Carving out a Michelangelo From all the places I will not go Til suddenly the dial it spins And she's cast from my withins In a door slamming shut on time I can't acquit you for this crime Coz if I did you'd do it again And I don't know if I can call you friend As you take what you used to know And sacrifice it on the go On an altar you worship days And I'm confused in so many ways Coz I thought we were cool but I resolve Not to be a problem to solve But the answer I've always craved I guess it's Heaven and the unsaved
The Poetry Book 