I know you’ve got a wife And I believe that it’s for life When you make a promise to someone And I know that the sun Has gone down on what we were I used to be angry at her For taking you away from me Bitter coz you didn’t stay with me And I was flying high And you just wanted to die I could feel it in my bones When we left our homes You know the one in LA And no matter what you say We can’t put it back together And you just live in the rainy English weather While I soak up the sun And now that it’s done I can finally breathe Because what we both need Was not the claustrophobia and smother I was your girl, not your mother And they all write about us But there just was this trust Between us I though I had dreamed us Up But then my cup Overflows and spills all over the floor And the one that I adore Is many miles away And not just physically and so I pray To the God I claim to know How do I let you go? When you mean it all to me Is there a past tense to infinity? And does it mean now that the rose is in my garden That I shouldn’t be so hard on him For what he could not be I couldn’t hold on so I let you go free I always thought you’d come back to me But forever is now part of our history
There is a look you scarce can hide Not even when you’re by her side And I can see the way she don’t reach Into the lessons you long to teach And she may be fine by the beach But she’s not the one to help you sleep By her side And you are alive But you’re in a lot of pain I can feel it in the rain That pours from your eyes And if the hero dies Is the story over And I don’t even know her But I know enough to say She is not me, okay And you will never find your truth In the prism of your youth Thinking you’ve won the war Not realising what it’s for And you swore you had one over on me But I just set you free And I know I may not see you again Not in this form so I look at other men And they are wonderous and pure But I am still fuckin’ sure That you’re the one I long to be with And I’m not gonna call her a bitch Just because some theft’s going on And I may be gone But I still feel you wish For my lips to meet your kiss Like they did on the first day Our palm to palm and then away Into the pub where no alcohol is served And I observed That when I swerved Away from you You still pondered what to do And if you could reach over to me But thank you for letting me be free I was too young for sex Or committing to what you wanted to do next And I returned several years later And was enamoured til I realised you date her All the while I poured my soul Into your begging bowl And you see yourself as pathetic and weak Because you did not speak Up when you felt the cue But I’ve always seen the king in you And he rules the realm of my heart It only gets stronger since we’ve been apart
The antecedent knows its own role And I lie in the expanse of my own soul As the bombs go off Or another person coughs As, I, awake in my bed Wonder what they would have said If they’d have known What was going down And I may visit the bay again Just don’t say when Because it is a futile ploy When I see my stars in a boy As he shines from afar He is my favourite star In the darkness of outer space I wonder if all these years have gone to waste Since I told him I love him And I would never hold myself above him But I feel like I was reduced For the receipts I couldn’t produce So I decided to write and write Even if it is sometimes shite Trying to get it on lock I don’t want to be something that I’m not But when I take a pill I swear I never will Be all I claim I am It’s like Kilglass winning Sam Impossible but still a dream Like me and the queen Inside my riverbed heart Blue and red from the start Do I use the pain to make art And the futility to show that the taking part Is the best part of the win I just hope I get to be with him Somehow, someday Anyway Thanks for listening Oh, look my teardrop’s glistening
The falling and the flying And somehow it felt like dying As I raged against the machine And swore that I was the queen Of my own domain As the rain Fell upon my head And I wished myself dead A thousand times But the war crime Awoke me to be Something that I have to see If I am to realise That which never dies In it’s own embodiment That hell is heaven sent If everything is God created And some things are simply stated In their complexity There are rivers that run into the sea And they get the best of me As an ocean swallows all you’ll be And the holy light Was more than all white It was the trancendental Amid the realms so evidential In it’s plurality The God of One Revealed Itself to me And I was twenty three When I shared the summer with the free And it bit back For all that it lack In the midnight ramblings and stuttered speech I know he hit me because he was weak And scared and suffering And, I, the bird with the broken wing Refused to fly And something die In all that war I don’t know what any of it was for Because he just tries to say I want you at a distance, okay And I belligerent refuse To be some point you want to prove Throw the papers in your face And say that thing is a disgrace And leave me alone I block the phone From ever calling to my door I shut you out and what’s more I bar the gate And time won’t wait For a sin like that Something was said that can’t be taken back So I leave Like Tristan with a heart upon her sleeve In her walking boots And the man may have roots Or a motorbike But what are you like When you swim the sea Just to say sorry to me Like Michael and the man I’d forgive you but I don’t know if I can Let it go I thought I’d write it down so you’d know
Erasing the distinction between this and that It’s not like I came down in the first batch Of Commerce students from 2010 But would I live those years again When the trauma of the classroom Was simply exhausting And I used to hide in the loo The girls banged doors and put on make up too And their voices were so loud So I learned to drown out the crowd With Biffy Clyro in my ears They scream of a puzzle littered with tears But I found a boy with eyes like the ocean He looked at me with genuine emotion And I learned to feel the flame When I’d hear someone say his name And he was red as a ruby, a precious stone And I was not alone When he used to say; join the gang And my phone, it rang With joy instead of pain Will I ever see him again I wonder And the thunder Beckons like a sudden storm You were nothing but warm And good to me Do you remember the time that we Met each other at the gate And entered into another state As I let you know I had your deets And yet you shared your sheets With anyone you’d like to choose And it was like a life I’d lose When I’d see you with lips to match Burning in another girls thatch I could feel the envy start Then you’d tell me I was smart Because you’d heard the rumour that got out About the grade I did without And we just dropped home Sam You were in my car and I had no plan To let you go I still love you, I hope you know As we brew our own beer And no mountain is worth the fear It takes to make it to your side It’s the kind of thing that abide Somewhere in my ocean deep You are the love I love to keep Safe and secure Hit me up, any time, I’m sure You’re welcome here I hope you’re well and you’re still cool, my dear
The mountain sure seemed high til I climbed it They’d tell you why but I wouldn’t mind it And I just kick out from the shore I couldn’t tell you which I loved more The going away or the coming back Do you really know something til you’ve felt it’s lack And I was wandering in a cavalcade When I just happened upon your shade And it let me in I was warm when I was with him As we both pause at the same time And he questions my rhyme I say it’s funny and he laughs I let him in because he asks So genially and off the cuff Five minutes in and I know love Has me by the lapel But I think it’s too soon to tell Him what I have on sheets Under cover and the streets Reminded me of the time I was tripping I hold the frame but the picture’s slipping And the more I try to steady the ship The more I can sense an eclipse Coming on Now the reference is gone And I’m trying to even keel But the way I feel Just tells me to be honest But I wouldn’t count on it And Benjamin is a sure shade of blue I let it go and I trusted you
I found diamonds amongst the rubies And did you ever go to Gubies I know it’s not your scene It’s just you were my dream Now you’re with some other chick And I’m at home just thinking a candle wick And, man,it burns But the axis just turns Like some mad spinning ball Is that what unites us all As I’m growing flowers in the wherewithal And you’ve gone door to door You knocked on mine and what’s more The ocean lets it’s own way on But you look back and the sandcastle’s gone What did we spend so long For, what went wrong When I spoke to you on the phone How do I get you alone And if I did Could I steal what’s his And have it for my own You say we’re grown But you act like a child And I’m half wild With flowers in my hair I didn’t realise you were there When you said; “em, ‘scuse me” But you just wanna use me To fulfill your projection And the rejection Has us both reeling What were you really feeling Please don’t lay down the law Ice like that will never thaw
I dig you Like a grave And you’re the hero I’d die to save In the monuments Of long lost glory And are you just staring At my story As we put leagues In between ourselves Like Walmart And stacking shelves For all our worth I swore but it still hurt And cursed the stubbing toe It didn’t make the pain go Only added a layer of ennui I’m always longing for open sky To set sail a sea Into the blue eternity That stretches out the clouds Until I make the people proud With who I am Something about love And God’s plan
Shadow work
I wade through the dirt
That rises in our wake
The sandstorm is so hard to shake
And I filter it down to something simple
You pop it like a pimple
Coz we are One
But we are two
Some Advaita
To soothe you
Into a lull where you will listen
To my hands as the snowdrops glisten
On your skin like stone
Where's twilight when it's at home
But we're no creature and his prey
We're fighting just to get through the day
With our wands and magic paper
You said goodbye and I, see you later
And will tomorrow be too soon
For us to share a room
Coz you move me with a stare
I didn't look but I knew you were there
I could just sense it in the stance
Of a heart which started to dance
At the mere sight of my form
And I feel my cheeks get warm
Knowing that you're just inches away
Are there words to make you stay
Or is everything all up in the air
All I know is that you were there
And so was I
I feel the moment start to die
As a grim realisation overcomes
And my charm just succumbs
To some preordained reality
I never claimed infallibility
Just that I'm here to stay
And stay in love with you too, okay?
One of us comes
The other one goes
I wear the pants
He just knows
And we found love
Where it can dance
Did you take a breath
Or a second chance
On the money
Or off the floor
What is it about love
That we adore
Coz you're summer
I'm winter
We're a cyclical thing
And I know it's real
When I hear the bell ring
And we lift off
The ground is below
The air is free
But do you go
When I open my heart
And pour out my wounds
I didn't think the end
Would come so soon
And you're looking past me
Into the sky
What's it about love
That will neither live nor die
You showed me the sky It was your own shade of blue And there is a timelessness That lives in you And everyone you touch Is a resonant hum It took me ten years To see you’re the One The One in All The Jesus who stands The love of my life When I’m holding your hands And they’re soft to the touch And gentle and warm Who’d ever have known We’d have kicked up a storm Like dust under feet When the wind blows a tune Something is echoing Now you’re in the room
Finding the balance between this and that And I don’t have to hate you just to get you back And I am loved and I’m secure I’m wading in water but the current is pure And it’s nothing but noontime in the sky Poised between to live and to die And I know it’s all rolling, this plunging in And it’s over before it really ever begin It’s just that I’m drawn to take a stance Hold out my hand to you to dance And you don’t have to take it but I sense that you will Like drinking in water til you have your fill The sunset, the morning, the consuming night I know in the end we’ll all be alright
I go down and come back up As cyclical as the sun to rise I’m never lost in rainy weather But it’s under blue skies Coz summer comes and summer goes The seasons change but, God knows, It’s something that remains the same It does not go by any name Nor is it bought by any man A bough holds its weight because it can And I see you In the waves of us two To delineate Something beyond the hate That has us swinging vines Like ten thousand times A Tarzan in the air But, my love, you care I can see it in the avenues The aching arches of the blues You sing to me late at night And I walk on a rope that’s tight Across a cavern steep Do you know how to go to sleep When the light goes out Oh, forget it, just kiss my mouth And we can be as lovers are In union, poles of a star Celestial in its defeat What happenstance made us meet Or preordination The destination Of education At the summit of the pillar Just so you know you didn’t kill her Just made a dent in the facade Grew up through realms of feeling bad Wry consternation You’re on the box so I flip the station Onto some other tune Nevertheless you’re in the room Calling soul What’s a ball to do but roll Down an ungainly hill You call but I never will Attempt to explain all you engender When you say you don’t remember What we were And that it’s the same with her Is this bitterness Or envy in its undress To lay a claim On someone else’s surname What’s a girl to do I let it go and so do you Til we’ve nothing left to leave What you are I can’t believe
Imma bounce Like a cat about to pounce Or the people you denounce Coz I just can’t stay still in chains I look up to the sky and it rains Open air and fresh water blues You know the breeze smells of you Like fresh grass or school in the nineties era Kind of scary and I feared ya When you looked deeply into me What is it that you see Coz your eyes are golden And no one would believe me even if I’d told em But you stay still and silent as the grave I never knew my own power to save With my mere presence alone Now you’re just on the other end of a phone And I followed every line you dropped Til the moment when it just stopped And I couldn’t contain the rush Is it now we get to touch Coz we seem separated by a million miles But I could never pay for one of your smiles It radiates like a frequency to burn I swear you make the world turn
Among the flying knives that shatter the glass I’ve found something that could last And everywhere I look’s the same I’m seventeen in everything but name And she’s as awesome as she always was And I love him just because He’s different and nice And didn’t expect me to look twice But I’ve been looking in the mirror For as many years as I fear To add to in the relentless pursuit Of time that is consuming our youth And I noticed my skin looks dragged Did I ever appreciate what I had When it was there for real Does he care what I feel And would he care to know The places that my daydreams go When they are resting on solid ground Does he know I love the sound Of forever in his intonation I fuck it up then I go on vacation For a decade or so But I love how we take it slow
Stuff I say to you I was watching the bird and it flew Out the window from inside And this landscape can’t hide The shape of you from me I loved you so I set you free But you come back to be As constant as a northern sea In the winter of ill repute And you’re more devastating Than you are cute But I like my men like thunderclouds The rolling sound just makes me proud To be standing under a western sky And I have no fear over what will die Coz something’s not passing Constant true As I revealed myself to you In a winter past, long ago But it’s just the start Of the story, you know On this journey to forever The path winds but this endeavor Keeps sailing through the storm I would like to keep you warm
The Poetry Book 