The Liberation

Hiding part of myself
Had me holding onto mental health
As the only way to steady the ground
As it shakes to the sound
Of white noise and light
I’m one of the boys and I’m alright
As I take a sip of a drink
Then throw the rest of it down the sink
Coz I want to keep my nerves
As something that serves
Me instead of fighting a war
Coz both sides lose what the winnings for
As the turmoil draws you in
Ducks in a row like lines of sin
And the winter seems to last forever
But you haven’t seen the last of this endeavour
As I grapple with the ghost that throws me down
I’m in the ring and out of town
As they all call my name
I say goodbye to the chains of shame

The Future In The Night

Depression cannot stifle this 
Pain won’t call it quits
It stands and it walks
It lays down or sits
But this moving beast
I call my own
Is a kaleidoscope
Of light that’s thrown
Brash across the windowpane
And all the suffering is in vain
Because it cannot put out the light
Not even in the darkest night
Not even in the furthest blue
I still see colour in you
And you may note the degree
But it wasn’t earned by me
It fell like papers from my hand
An ocean in a grain of sand
That is roaring with the sea
You look up and it’s just me
But more and further do I be
Let’s rewrite future history

As You Are

The burning furore that sits in my chest
The need to always be the best
And speak out what no one’s talking to
Is it wrong to put the spotlight on you
To shine away what’s been kept hidden
It’s beautiful, it is unbidden
And it’s longing just to find a home
You’re beautiful as you are, alone

Intensity

I’m burning up like the flow of the river 
As all of life calls me to forgive her
Coz I can’t split in two just to spite my face
Or deny the regard of constant disgrace
And I was only a teen
But I saw through the cracks in the dream
Untoward a vast expanse
Where music makes the people dance
And I feel as though I’m on fire
Like I’ve been lit by something higher
But it always seems to come back to ground
Like I’m rooted in the sound
Of you saying goodbye
Then realizing what it means to die
As I sweated it out in the class
Then fell victim to what could not last
And I stirred on the floor as I heard her call
It was like I’d lost the wall
Separating me from creation
A moment stunned and then elation
You can call it enlightenment or waking up
Or just realizing all is love
Then I see you with your eyes downcast
And I try to forget the past
But the memory of the crush is ever fresh
And I’m still not there yet
At the part they say release
But I may just be at peace

The Thaw

They’re selling an American Dream
But I’m walking on a moonbeam
As it guides my way home
And tells me I’m not alone
As I open out into the vast expanse
Perceive the space as the molecules dance
To make up the shape of me
The frame of what is memory
Held together by a subtle flaw
I wonder is ice real as it starts to thaw

Fighting With The Wind

So mad I’m taking all these pills
As I fight the doctor in a display of wills
But he always seems to win the day
And make the point I’m not okay
And sometimes I agree
As I picture a man down on one knee
That might pick me up
But I’m heavier than the weight of love
Can carry when it all boils down
I spilt the beans, you went to town
Aghast at all the mess is made
You’re throwing the game, I’m throwing shade
And we’re just resting in the silence deep
I don’t want to be less than the promise you keep
As the wings of love glide
I’m coming out of where I hide
To know the sunshine as my true nature
And where you landed left a crater
In the ground of me
Mother Earth or destiny
Shaken to my core
I try not to love you anymore
But it just pulls me back
Don’t see me as just a hack
That has to get her stories down
I hum as I drive out of town
Past a scene I know so well
If I shared a secret would you never tell?

Ending My Enmity

I’m ending the fight I have with the stars
Running through fields like I’m chasing cars
And the sound of you is on the breeze
Like a younger me the tree frees
As I’m walking through the columns and rows
Letting go of the loss of anything goes
And finding my steadfast in the sight
Of everything in the firelight

Arrowheads

Things are changing rapidly
But they’re also staying the same
Love seems to be
The name of the game
As we grow and garden plants
But from the sky we look like ants
And do you think that such a view
Can contain the heights of you
Or the depth of your soul
You don’t have to pay the toll
Of living in a body human
The cars pass by zooming
And I wonder if I could catch a glance
Would it move me like another chance
As we all spend the scene
Then call change a certain dream
Because we are meant to grow
Not torture each other, you know
And the weight of troubled times
Live with us like the crimes
We secretly commit
Or who we’re talking with
On the down low
I let it go, or don’t you know
The full force of the machine hit me across the skull
And I’ve skin as thin as cotton wool
As I try to find the deep reverb
To silence noise with a word

Haphazard Daydreams

I write poems about you 
About love and hate and in between
As you criticize the dream
For being too bold
Too brash and vibrant to hold
But it’s all me
Sailing on the empty sea
Of my own dread
Is it wrong that you’re in my head
Incessantly
What does it take to be free
Of your grasp
You said we’d ever last
But fine
As you give up the thousandth time
On what we were
And I amn’t her
But am I just making drama
Not seeing things like a panorama
Gaslighting myself
Then saying it’s better for my mental health
To hold it all in
But maybe the sin
Is not giving myself leave to feel
And it’s all real
So I heal
Slowly at first
You don’t have to rehearse
I paint it in verse
And a sideways glance
Is nothing but a second chance
Gone to waste
So make haste
And dive in
It’s only five minutes til we begin
To see the storm another dial
And it’s like we’re on trial
For a crime we didn’t commit
But it’s still you I’m walking with

Gentle True

Stephen’s words are gentle true
And I want to make the stars with you
As you gaze out from a constellation
And I have to say my medication
Hasn’t prepared me for a moment like this
One where opposites kiss
Across a table
And you aren’t able
To hold back the smile
I catch you all the while
Laughing with your face lit up
And I guess you could call this love
Except for the fact
You don’t want me back
In that place again
The only good thing was the men
Who used to be good to me
In days I lost my liberty
To a staunch defender
It was enough to render
The articulation in my image
The town was talking, the whole village
Was effervescent with the notion
That I was caught in my emotion
And a subtle drawl
Draped over me like a shawl
In winter time
Are you sublime
Or just ocean, seas
You could call it a modern disease
To be brought low
Places where I dare not go
Or with a shudder
There with any other
And to be soothe with my music
It’s the path I walked but I didn’t choose it

Steady Easy

Life doesn't go steady easy
It plots and twists and turns 
The fire is really nothing 
Until there's something that it burns

Rising Water

The water rises
The fish it swims
And it seems like the sky’s
Getting closer to him
As he follows in circles
Patterns on the lake
There’s no talk of forgiveness
For the one he forsake
And there’s no talk of trouble
For idle thoughts
Does the fisherman tangle
With tackle he’s bought
And the shoes we’re all wearing
Do they know where they’re going
Coz the train of time
Doesn’t look like it’s slowing
And we’re all on this ride
Just in different seats
Do you fold your arms
Or uncross your feet
And do the sages speak truth
To the ears that you hear
Is nirvana further away
Or closer with fear
Coz we all resist
Our own enlightenment
It’s kind of like you’re a ghost
And you’ve frightened it
So now it won’t
Come out from where it hid
So you make some noise
Til it flips the lid
On the place it had found
To cover itself
But are you abandoning
All of your wealth
As you leave the world
Of thought that bind
Are you nostalgic for all
You’ve left behind
Or do you open your arms
To a new dawn
And realise that nothing
Is ever gone
That can’t be brought back
In another form
Is the sun hot?
Well, how are you warm?
And do you second guess
The wrath of the storm
One minute there’s pain
Then a baby born
Amid all the fray
And the stuff you see
If you blink your eyes
Is the darkness free
Or just momentary
To eclipse
Your names like a prayer
That sits on my lips
And if only I
Could communicate
It’s likely I’d pull
Both of us out of that state
Into the river
Where we’re rushing and free
You didn’t make a mistake
When you chose me


Photo by Silas Biasch on Unsplash.com

The Calm Amid The Storm

There’s a blizzard brewing
There’s a storm atremble
And things are beyond
What they used to resemble
As the new earth is birthed
Into consciousness
Don’t go saying
It doesn’t exist
Just close your eyes
And feel the breeze
Forgiving you
Get up off your knees
And stand firm
Stand strong, stand true
As the winds are howling
All around you
Make your stance
On a solid foundation
It’s a peaceful sort of
Education
As you trust the silence
To ever be
Whispering words
Of eternity
In the midnight, in the dawn
At the close of day
I just have this feeling
That it’s all okay
That we’re being taken care of
No matter what it seems
Don’t trust in the
Thin fabric of dreams
But on the rock
Where you plant your foot
Let the rain wash away
What you’re afraid of

The Generalised Anxiety

Something must be wrong
Because people are being nice
And things are going my way
And everything’s alright
And I’ve got this dread
That just sits in my gut
It’s like running thread
Where you place your foot
As you foretell the future
With a negative slant
They say anxiety
Is born from what you can’t
Bear to consider
As time is passing by
I try to catch the air
But it just seems to fly
Out from my fingers
Away from my grasp
Is there anything on earth
That was built to last
Coz everywhere I look
Somethings fading away
Even the sun
Has only billions of years to stay
And everything on earth
Though it grows and it’s green
Will one day disappear
Out of the realm of the seen
So I’m shaking as I’m taking
Each breath that I unknot
They say I’m seeing sideways
But I think that they forgot
That everything’s an ocean
When you feel you’ve got to swim
And if there is no storm
Then where do I begin
To tell the story of the tide
As it moves to the beat
I think I’m finding ground
Where I can stand my feet
And it’s making me nervous
To feel so damn good
I’m so used to being nervous
And lost in the wood
And if there’s any shelter
That I find inside
I’ll let you know the meaning
Of the daydream that I hide
I’ll let you know the shortcut
Back to where there’s peace
Where the winds have quieted down
To my own relief

The Thunder and the Silence

The thunder rolls and the ground trembles
It’s all of me that it disassembles
As I’m unmade a storm
And the heat of your beat keeps my heart warm
And the stars come out to light your night
I wipe my tears coz I’m alright
But I’m missing you now days are long
And I cry but I’m still strong
Coz I don’t show how I let it hit
I keep it in coz I’m good at it
And it’s only in my room that I break down
Let it out and go to town
And there’s an ocean all around
If you listen carefully you can hear the sound
Of the tide against the rocks
I wake up and it stops
And suddenly in a moment I’m free
And there seems to be some kind of light shining from me
As vibrantly I intone
Whether with someone or all alone
So I praise my Saviour
You know you were the one who raised her
Up from the mess she lay
You show me love and I’m okay
And it’s all I can do not to shout your name
Now that I know you it’s not the same
And I just radiate the glow
That you gave to me, you know
And it’s as true as the Sun
As bright as you are the One
And I kneel coz I’m young
And the down days are done
In one fell swoop you reside
I’m coming out of the darkness in which I hide
And let the light permeate
If it’s the Now, why wait?



Photo by Matti Johnson on Unsplash.com

The Rain and the Sky

Max on Unsplash.com
Fighting with the wilderness 
Fighting with the rain
I can feel the pain
Come at me again
And it’s wearing down the structures
Of the egoic mind
Until no one
Is left behind
And I clamber over bricks
I clamber over walls
I get lost in love
And free for all’s
Till it finally comes back
To where it started
The moment Truth
Was imparted
The moment it shone
From the sky
And I realized
I never die
Only transform
From one state to another
Or beyond them both
The witness is lover
To all that unfolds
Gently, unique
There’s a power there
I could never speak
Only pay tribute
And testament to
It resides in the heart
Of both me and you

Love

I love so much
I feel I will burst
This feeling courses
Through the very worst

Through all of the liking
And ticking the box
I find I am open
Without any locks

And it just moves its own way
In a flow, in a beat
And I find I am standing 
On my own two feet

As I build on foundations
Solid as a rock
Am I okay? 
Well, is the sun hot

Just like my heart
In rhythms it's own 
I may not be adult
But I am grown

Wings

I believe in the sky
To conquer the weather
And there are ways
To see through forever
To make it one
Under the rain
Say you'll never go back
To that place again
But you find the door
Ready to be knocked
You don't try the handle
Coz you know it is locked
But you hope and have faith
Trust and believe
In the strength you
Have always found underneath
To sail your ship
Once more through the storm
You can't see the sun
But still it is warm 
And you know and you'll be
You'll love and create
Til you open your eyes
And walk out of that state
And find the dawn
That follows dusk
It doesn't take much
Just a little trust 
As you resolve and know
Revolve and be 
In all of this
Your wings are free

My Share of the Deal

Am I misunderstood
There was a time
They all thought I was good
And had trophies lined up
For me to wear
I stand up 
And the fabric tear
Til I'm reeling in dreams
Colossal and huge
It's like I asked for rain
And there came a deluge
To bucket down
On top of me
But fuck it, it's 
All I got to be
And there's no point complaining
About my share of the deal 
Oceans are weather
And it's the way that I feel 
To finally come home
To who I am 
I move in life
Without a plan

Mercy

When you get knocked down do you ever consider staying on the floor
Let everyone else continue their war
While you use eyes to stare at stars
You can only see because you’re in the dark
And give yourself time to contemplate
Why you always return to this repetitious state
And if it says something about who you should be
That you’ve only been escaping from dignity
In silent stillness on the ground
You find the peace that’s all around