Hiding part of myself Had me holding onto mental health As the only way to steady the ground As it shakes to the sound Of white noise and light I’m one of the boys and I’m alright As I take a sip of a drink Then throw the rest of it down the sink Coz I want to keep my nerves As something that serves Me instead of fighting a war Coz both sides lose what the winnings for As the turmoil draws you in Ducks in a row like lines of sin And the winter seems to last forever But you haven’t seen the last of this endeavour As I grapple with the ghost that throws me down I’m in the ring and out of town As they all call my name I say goodbye to the chains of shame
Depression cannot stifle this Pain won’t call it quits It stands and it walks It lays down or sits But this moving beast I call my own Is a kaleidoscope Of light that’s thrown Brash across the windowpane And all the suffering is in vain Because it cannot put out the light Not even in the darkest night Not even in the furthest blue I still see colour in you And you may note the degree But it wasn’t earned by me It fell like papers from my hand An ocean in a grain of sand That is roaring with the sea You look up and it’s just me But more and further do I be Let’s rewrite future history
The burning furore that sits in my chest The need to always be the best And speak out what no one’s talking to Is it wrong to put the spotlight on you To shine away what’s been kept hidden It’s beautiful, it is unbidden And it’s longing just to find a home You’re beautiful as you are, alone
I’m burning up like the flow of the river As all of life calls me to forgive her Coz I can’t split in two just to spite my face Or deny the regard of constant disgrace And I was only a teen But I saw through the cracks in the dream Untoward a vast expanse Where music makes the people dance And I feel as though I’m on fire Like I’ve been lit by something higher But it always seems to come back to ground Like I’m rooted in the sound Of you saying goodbye Then realizing what it means to die As I sweated it out in the class Then fell victim to what could not last And I stirred on the floor as I heard her call It was like I’d lost the wall Separating me from creation A moment stunned and then elation You can call it enlightenment or waking up Or just realizing all is love Then I see you with your eyes downcast And I try to forget the past But the memory of the crush is ever fresh And I’m still not there yet At the part they say release But I may just be at peace
They’re selling an American Dream But I’m walking on a moonbeam As it guides my way home And tells me I’m not alone As I open out into the vast expanse Perceive the space as the molecules dance To make up the shape of me The frame of what is memory Held together by a subtle flaw I wonder is ice real as it starts to thaw
So mad I’m taking all these pills As I fight the doctor in a display of wills But he always seems to win the day And make the point I’m not okay And sometimes I agree As I picture a man down on one knee That might pick me up But I’m heavier than the weight of love Can carry when it all boils down I spilt the beans, you went to town Aghast at all the mess is made You’re throwing the game, I’m throwing shade And we’re just resting in the silence deep I don’t want to be less than the promise you keep As the wings of love glide I’m coming out of where I hide To know the sunshine as my true nature And where you landed left a crater In the ground of me Mother Earth or destiny Shaken to my core I try not to love you anymore But it just pulls me back Don’t see me as just a hack That has to get her stories down I hum as I drive out of town Past a scene I know so well If I shared a secret would you never tell?
I’m ending the fight I have with the stars Running through fields like I’m chasing cars And the sound of you is on the breeze Like a younger me the tree frees As I’m walking through the columns and rows Letting go of the loss of anything goes And finding my steadfast in the sight Of everything in the firelight
Things are changing rapidly But they’re also staying the same Love seems to be The name of the game As we grow and garden plants But from the sky we look like ants And do you think that such a view Can contain the heights of you Or the depth of your soul You don’t have to pay the toll Of living in a body human The cars pass by zooming And I wonder if I could catch a glance Would it move me like another chance As we all spend the scene Then call change a certain dream Because we are meant to grow Not torture each other, you know And the weight of troubled times Live with us like the crimes We secretly commit Or who we’re talking with On the down low I let it go, or don’t you know
.Reading time less than 1 minute.
The full force of the machine hit me across the skull And I’ve skin as thin as cotton wool As I try to find the deep reverb To silence noise with a word
I write poems about you About love and hate and in between As you criticize the dream For being too bold Too brash and vibrant to hold But it’s all me Sailing on the empty sea Of my own dread Is it wrong that you’re in my head Incessantly What does it take to be free Of your grasp You said we’d ever last But fine As you give up the thousandth time On what we were And I amn’t her But am I just making drama Not seeing things like a panorama Gaslighting myself Then saying it’s better for my mental health To hold it all in But maybe the sin Is not giving myself leave to feel And it’s all real So I heal Slowly at first You don’t have to rehearse I paint it in verse And a sideways glance Is nothing but a second chance Gone to waste So make haste And dive in It’s only five minutes til we begin To see the storm another dial And it’s like we’re on trial For a crime we didn’t commit But it’s still you I’m walking with
Stephen’s words are gentle true And I want to make the stars with you As you gaze out from a constellation And I have to say my medication Hasn’t prepared me for a moment like this One where opposites kiss Across a table And you aren’t able To hold back the smile I catch you all the while Laughing with your face lit up And I guess you could call this love Except for the fact You don’t want me back In that place again The only good thing was the men Who used to be good to me In days I lost my liberty To a staunch defender It was enough to render The articulation in my image The town was talking, the whole village Was effervescent with the notion That I was caught in my emotion And a subtle drawl Draped over me like a shawl In winter time Are you sublime Or just ocean, seas You could call it a modern disease To be brought low Places where I dare not go Or with a shudder There with any other And to be soothe with my music It’s the path I walked but I didn’t choose it
The water rises The fish it swims And it seems like the sky’s Getting closer to him As he follows in circles Patterns on the lake There’s no talk of forgiveness For the one he forsake And there’s no talk of trouble For idle thoughts Does the fisherman tangle With tackle he’s bought And the shoes we’re all wearing Do they know where they’re going Coz the train of time Doesn’t look like it’s slowing And we’re all on this ride Just in different seats Do you fold your arms Or uncross your feet And do the sages speak truth To the ears that you hear Is nirvana further away Or closer with fear Coz we all resist Our own enlightenment It’s kind of like you’re a ghost And you’ve frightened it So now it won’t Come out from where it hid So you make some noise Til it flips the lid On the place it had found To cover itself But are you abandoning All of your wealth As you leave the world Of thought that bind Are you nostalgic for all You’ve left behind Or do you open your arms To a new dawn And realise that nothing Is ever gone That can’t be brought back In another form Is the sun hot? Well, how are you warm? And do you second guess The wrath of the storm One minute there’s pain Then a baby born Amid all the fray And the stuff you see If you blink your eyes Is the darkness free Or just momentary To eclipse Your names like a prayer That sits on my lips And if only I Could communicate It’s likely I’d pull Both of us out of that state Into the river Where we’re rushing and free You didn’t make a mistake When you chose me
There’s a blizzard brewing There’s a storm atremble And things are beyond What they used to resemble As the new earth is birthed Into consciousness Don’t go saying It doesn’t exist Just close your eyes And feel the breeze Forgiving you Get up off your knees And stand firm Stand strong, stand true As the winds are howling All around you Make your stance On a solid foundation It’s a peaceful sort of Education As you trust the silence To ever be Whispering words Of eternity In the midnight, in the dawn At the close of day I just have this feeling That it’s all okay That we’re being taken care of No matter what it seems Don’t trust in the Thin fabric of dreams But on the rock Where you plant your foot Let the rain wash away What you’re afraid of
Something must be wrong Because people are being nice And things are going my way And everything’s alright And I’ve got this dread That just sits in my gut It’s like running thread Where you place your foot As you foretell the future With a negative slant They say anxiety Is born from what you can’t Bear to consider As time is passing by I try to catch the air But it just seems to fly Out from my fingers Away from my grasp Is there anything on earth That was built to last Coz everywhere I look Somethings fading away Even the sun Has only billions of years to stay And everything on earth Though it grows and it’s green Will one day disappear Out of the realm of the seen So I’m shaking as I’m taking Each breath that I unknot They say I’m seeing sideways But I think that they forgot That everything’s an ocean When you feel you’ve got to swim And if there is no storm Then where do I begin To tell the story of the tide As it moves to the beat I think I’m finding ground Where I can stand my feet And it’s making me nervous To feel so damn good I’m so used to being nervous And lost in the wood And if there’s any shelter That I find inside I’ll let you know the meaning Of the daydream that I hide I’ll let you know the shortcut Back to where there’s peace Where the winds have quieted down To my own relief
The thunder rolls and the ground trembles It’s all of me that it disassembles As I’m unmade a storm And the heat of your beat keeps my heart warm And the stars come out to light your night I wipe my tears coz I’m alright But I’m missing you now days are long And I cry but I’m still strong Coz I don’t show how I let it hit I keep it in coz I’m good at it And it’s only in my room that I break down Let it out and go to town And there’s an ocean all around If you listen carefully you can hear the sound Of the tide against the rocks I wake up and it stops And suddenly in a moment I’m free And there seems to be some kind of light shining from me As vibrantly I intone Whether with someone or all alone So I praise my Saviour You know you were the one who raised her Up from the mess she lay You show me love and I’m okay And it’s all I can do not to shout your name Now that I know you it’s not the same And I just radiate the glow That you gave to me, you know And it’s as true as the Sun As bright as you are the One And I kneel coz I’m young And the down days are done In one fell swoop you reside I’m coming out of the darkness in which I hide And let the light permeate If it’s the Now, why wait?
Fighting with the wilderness Fighting with the rain I can feel the pain Come at me again And it’s wearing down the structures Of the egoic mind Until no one Is left behind And I clamber over bricks I clamber over walls I get lost in love And free for all’s Till it finally comes back To where it started The moment Truth Was imparted The moment it shone From the sky And I realized I never die Only transform From one state to another Or beyond them both The witness is lover To all that unfolds Gently, unique There’s a power there I could never speak Only pay tribute And testament to It resides in the heart Of both me and you
I love so much
I feel I will burst
This feeling courses
Through the very worst
Through all of the liking
And ticking the box
I find I am open
Without any locks
And it just moves its own way
In a flow, in a beat
And I find I am standing
On my own two feet
As I build on foundations
Solid as a rock
Am I okay?
Well, is the sun hot
Just like my heart
In rhythms it's own
I may not be adult
But I am grown
I believe in the sky
To conquer the weather
And there are ways
To see through forever
To make it one
Under the rain
Say you'll never go back
To that place again
But you find the door
Ready to be knocked
You don't try the handle
Coz you know it is locked
But you hope and have faith
Trust and believe
In the strength you
Have always found underneath
To sail your ship
Once more through the storm
You can't see the sun
But still it is warm
And you know and you'll be
You'll love and create
Til you open your eyes
And walk out of that state
And find the dawn
That follows dusk
It doesn't take much
Just a little trust
As you resolve and know
Revolve and be
In all of this
Your wings are free
Am I misunderstood
There was a time
They all thought I was good
And had trophies lined up
For me to wear
I stand up
And the fabric tear
Til I'm reeling in dreams
Colossal and huge
It's like I asked for rain
And there came a deluge
To bucket down
On top of me
But fuck it, it's
All I got to be
And there's no point complaining
About my share of the deal
Oceans are weather
And it's the way that I feel
To finally come home
To who I am
I move in life
Without a plan
When you get knocked down do you ever consider staying on the floor
Let everyone else continue their war
While you use eyes to stare at stars
You can only see because you’re in the dark
And give yourself time to contemplate
Why you always return to this repetitious state
And if it says something about who you should be
That you’ve only been escaping from dignity
In silent stillness on the ground
You find the peace that’s all around
The Poetry Book 