I’ll be the clarion call To let the demons out The things that people suffer under The fear, my dear, self doubt And they locked me up in ashes But I still was free Coz even though they do their best They can’t get the best of me
And the clock ticked, did it go back Am I getting enough of slumber And but for the men I loved I woulda been just a number In that place where the halls have eyes And everyone walks tiptoe It’s eggshells we’re treading on So that you might not know
And I had a bed and my own room It was number sixteen And I’ve been dealing with this kind of shit Since I realized the dream As I hop on a hopscotch Afraid to cross the line Is there a difference between being here And doing hard time
And I hid out in the activity room Rifling through a storm I hope they might not find me That’s how I kept the candle warm But they did and told me so There was a place to greet But I’m moving dough with my hands Can’t make it move my feet
And the third time I was in there Barry called my name He asked if he could speak to me, if it was all the same But he was laughing sideways Out of the corner of his mouth He thinks that he might have a clue As to what I’m all about And, God love him, he was precious But he set the dial to spin So I called the shots and called it off Walked out of the room with him
And, the laughter, it was breaking like a wave upon the shore I left the card on my desk so that it might love me more And my sides they’d split with Aoibhínn coz she was such a hoot She talked me out of dangerously quiet as I stood mute
And I drew an eye on the wall in the smoking room It was a lot more like freedom than it was the bells of doom And they only scrubbed it out a year later and I see There was a part of them that loved a part of me Or with a certain fondness I recall what they say It’s not the present moment but you will be okay So I crumpled up the paper and threw it in the bin Conceded defeat coz you know I cannot win
And the monuments of time will fall beneath the sea But there’s something eternal that beats the heart of me And I can’t put my finger on it or tell you what it is Only suffice to say that being born is not to live Beyond the realms of death In the halls that I vacate I think they had me wrong Coz I love the thing they hate
And summon up a showstorm In the dead of the night The sun that is within me Can’t help but be bright As all I ever am And all I’ll ever be I can’t bring myself to regret That I asked you to dance with me
Looking for salvation in the stars It’s like trying to round some prison bars As they, adjacent, keep a defense Til you’re hands and knees in the present tense And do I confess My wilderness and impress Some secret subtlety afar Oh, the world, how near you are When you just take a glance At the vulnerable in my stance And I wish away Tomorrow another yesterday Don’t you see That you were the ocean to me And the sea at night Oh, how it glitters in the moonlight To reflect your face Now forever is without a trace Gone from these hands I’m on the shore just pacing sand As you glide effortlessly along another terrain Have all my past lives been in vain To bring me to this A pair of lips that death might kiss Someday or will The power of life to kill All that it breathes air into And consciousness is quintessentially you So you can’t lose it But did I choose it This marching band There’s nothing I have really planned Coz all falls away And what you leave til another day Gets left behind They say I am out of my mind But I think they’re wrong I’m too deep in it and that’s my song Can I hold the tune I did when you walked in the room And my heart hammered against my chest The depth of wisdom that I invest In you to be all you claim Now it’s been years and you’re just a name I click into Tell me did I ever reach you Or was it all just empty talk The way you hold yourself when you walk Like you’ve been punched Something hits you and I can feel the crunch As you double over side to side But hell if I know you’re still alive And kicking me somewhere under the seat Why did heaven have us meet If it was just to part And you are the king of my heart
We can’t take one moment for granted Nothing’s guaranteed Life ends in death We rely on the blood we bleed To keep the body going I look out the window And the sky is snowing Everything lending itself to another The rain is frozen And I lost a brother In the storm The river flowed I may have taken the less travelled road But it wasn’t for the good of my health And it sure as hell hasn’t given me wealth Except an inner gratitude And a reliance on the dude That runs the show Is there something I should know Or do I just apt predict So worried that I make myself sick And have to be revolved on medication There’s no point lying about my tv station And if I’m off them for long I start to feel like I don’t belong To even the human race at all I drink it in at the waterfall And run, simply run down the hall Of the institution I became part of Resident of guarded love And I hate but I also care Feel the torment start to tear At the edifice I’ve built I don’t know why but I wilt Under the glare of a heavy sun And I’m always looking for the one Who might make my stars shine bright But the blade became my kryptonite As it etched in stone what my heart would write Only to feel the pull of the tide The breath that means I am alive As I drag my body out of the morass I waken up when I am in class And revive to a certain degree Ten years to know it’s not just me Who feels this way And there needs to be a conversation About what it means to stay And guidance from the ground About the people you always want around Do you hear the triangle ping I let go and give up everything
They gave me some lemons And they were sour But I don’t need to wait Until the eleventh hour To make a change All is mind and rearrange The terraces of fear into love And it fits me like a glove Though I’ve been in the ring with Cassius Clay He taught me to get up after, okay Like I’m some kind of Jedi knight Living for the light As it breaks a new dawn Over all I thought was gone And they held me in a state But I’m not gonna wait To be all I am Everything’s in the plan Of God to be reborn And even in the storm I could find a man to say Everything is okay In eyes, on lock, in the bay And I’m holding back the laughter Because this is such a beautiful disaster And for all intents and purposes I’m the chosen one You don’t have to be a son To be a holy child Oh, the open air and running wild Into fields that are free There is so much more to me Than any of them can see And is St. Pat’s history I left it with my dignity Somewhere among the stars Why did I keep chasing cars Around dean swift Thinking the guys just want a shift As Emmet holds my gaze If he was a hero I bet he’d save Me with his honest and true For a moment I relied on you Let my weight rest on your shoulder No more Lara and her boulder To run from It’s like the fear is gone When you set the scene I’ll remember you when the dream Comes true A smile, and I wink at you
There’s nothing love can’t do It somehow brought me to you And in our chasm call Though we fight and the wall Seems to rise between us Baby, you couldn’t even dream up This kind of love And I’m five and the dove Flies overhead Warding off the resident dread To come again another day Do I just get in your way Or are we okay Because I fly And I know you die In a room alone God damn, just look at your phone And you will find me there A digital realm of true care To vanquish the pain What was lost we can never gain But an aside I am alive And so are you So there’s really nothing stopping us two
He interjects and it’s circumspect Coz how could I attenuate Any of this love with hate And sure he’s a nice man But he only listens when he thinks you can Find a way to follow the line He’s wasting my space like he’s wasting my time And I’ve gotta grow up and be The writer of a new destiny Don’t have time for this pity lark And as I’m walking through the park I feel one with the grass If this is psychosis I hope it last Coz you’ve got a label But you cannot see Over the rim of your spectacle As you look at me And maybe a kundalini and the crown Might be the reason why I drown In a sea of ocean vast The emptiness and fullness pass Til I’m all or nothing but down for this And I’m in love with someone I only kiss Through the bars of Orion I don’t know, it just feels like flying Through somewhere where gravity Obeys the rules of destiny And let’s me lift off from where I am I just walk without a plan And It leads me where It’s going I look outside and the Sun is snowing
We gotta draw the line (I tell him I’m fine) But he insists that I Am too distressed not to die And I try to fight But he blows out the candlelight So I’m just fumbling in the dark For a torch in the park And it’s no place to be in times like these And St. Pat’s brought me to my knees And I want to fly in the face Of what they swear is my disgrace And I disagree But his degree Is not in conflict resolution And he seeks the dissolution Of this state of mind But look at what I’d leave behind If I just left you there With no one watching and no one to care As I muck it out in the trenches They call my name when I’m sitting on benches My place to make a scene And this vision is a dream But I will make it real I pay back what I steal I a hundred pound notes I’m Gandhi or at least one of his quotes
I write my own version of epicology
It's a word I made up to describe mythology
Of the personal self so cool
Oh, the awesome that I was in school
As I danced on a cloud nine
The minute He pierced through what was mine
To reveal the ever present source
And I'm filled with remorse
That I never seem to live up to
The identical that I saw in You
As we spend our time just having a laugh
As we melt like a wall that's not gonna last
And I can't contain you in a rhyme
Except that you were outside of time
A moment, free and then to bind
We lost love to the mind
As the shackles came back to say
We don't let people go that way
But I look up and the light
Is still shining on us, alright
And I don't need to let go
Of what is inherent to me, you know
And I don't know how to unfurl
The heart that creates the girl
As a modicum to understand
You were the truth I hadn't planned
Thought I could be the solitary queen
Til the sword lanced the dream
And birthed me into real life
I like you, is that alright?
I knock but there’s no answer And I’ve done my time being a dancer Spinning the spools of infinitesimal thread Into a daydream in my head And I may be deluded, I may be wrong But this love thing is so damn strong As I feel it pulse in my chest Weighing up who I love the best But it flits around to varying beings Changes with the landscape I’m seeing An intimacy I cannot describe I just thank God I’m alive To experience all of this It was Truth like a first kiss As I wake up to what I am And all that moves without a plan
I fight with my femininity It evokes love But I can’t tie myself To any of the above Only open my heart For peace to be shared Open my notebook To say that I cared And that I’m not In this quiet, tight space But dreaming of days When I touch your face Telling you all You mean to me Not closing the door So you can be free And I know that I have put out More than I take back And I have been hobbling Over what I lack But the sight of you Is like a comet true And I’m shaking just thinking Of what I would do If you were mine To have and to keep To wake up beside A good nights sleep And you’re kind and you’re awesome I’ve been keeping you away I look down at my feet Coz I don’t know what to say And you tell me I’m lovely And beautiful He left me empty Now I am full Of a joy that’s brimming Full of trust Can I come in, baby It’s a must And you look at me As if I defy The life I’m leading As some kind of lie But I just wanna be Myself again A woman in A world full of men Telling me how I should contain This heart of mine That’s broken with pain But shining with gold As I repair The parts of myself That knows you are there That knows there is kindness And there is truth More than monuments I’ve built to our youth And nobody knows Or can describe The feeling of loving Breath when you’re alive And I’m haunted by loss And the threat of death Keep living days Full of regret Coz I can’t control The passing of seasons Or people with pride And a bowl full of reasons And is it insincere To proclaim my devotion To the silence In all the commotion As I feel the movement Of a pin drop Signaling winter Or the moment to stop And take in an aside Of all we’re meant to be I didn’t know if you knew So I’m letting you see
Hiding part of myself Had me holding onto mental health As the only way to steady the ground As it shakes to the sound Of white noise and light I’m one of the boys and I’m alright As I take a sip of a drink Then throw the rest of it down the sink Coz I want to keep my nerves As something that serves Me instead of fighting a war Coz both sides lose what the winnings for As the turmoil draws you in Ducks in a row like lines of sin And the winter seems to last forever But you haven’t seen the last of this endeavour As I grapple with the ghost that throws me down I’m in the ring and out of town As they all call my name I say goodbye to the chains of shame
Depression cannot stifle this Pain won’t call it quits It stands and it walks It lays down or sits But this moving beast I call my own Is a kaleidoscope Of light that’s thrown Brash across the windowpane And all the suffering is in vain Because it cannot put out the light Not even in the darkest night Not even in the furthest blue I still see colour in you And you may note the degree But it wasn’t earned by me It fell like papers from my hand An ocean in a grain of sand That is roaring with the sea You look up and it’s just me But more and further do I be Let’s rewrite future history
The burning furore that sits in my chest The need to always be the best And speak out what no one’s talking to Is it wrong to put the spotlight on you To shine away what’s been kept hidden It’s beautiful, it is unbidden And it’s longing just to find a home You’re beautiful as you are, alone
I’m burning up like the flow of the river As all of life calls me to forgive her Coz I can’t split in two just to spite my face Or deny the regard of constant disgrace And I was only a teen But I saw through the cracks in the dream Untoward a vast expanse Where music makes the people dance And I feel as though I’m on fire Like I’ve been lit by something higher But it always seems to come back to ground Like I’m rooted in the sound Of you saying goodbye Then realizing what it means to die As I sweated it out in the class Then fell victim to what could not last And I stirred on the floor as I heard her call It was like I’d lost the wall Separating me from creation A moment stunned and then elation You can call it enlightenment or waking up Or just realizing all is love Then I see you with your eyes downcast And I try to forget the past But the memory of the crush is ever fresh And I’m still not there yet At the part they say release But I may just be at peace
They’re selling an American Dream But I’m walking on a moonbeam As it guides my way home And tells me I’m not alone As I open out into the vast expanse Perceive the space as the molecules dance To make up the shape of me The frame of what is memory Held together by a subtle flaw I wonder is ice real as it starts to thaw
So mad I’m taking all these pills As I fight the doctor in a display of wills But he always seems to win the day And make the point I’m not okay And sometimes I agree As I picture a man down on one knee That might pick me up But I’m heavier than the weight of love Can carry when it all boils down I spilt the beans, you went to town Aghast at all the mess is made You’re throwing the game, I’m throwing shade And we’re just resting in the silence deep I don’t want to be less than the promise you keep As the wings of love glide I’m coming out of where I hide To know the sunshine as my true nature And where you landed left a crater In the ground of me Mother Earth or destiny Shaken to my core I try not to love you anymore But it just pulls me back Don’t see me as just a hack That has to get her stories down I hum as I drive out of town Past a scene I know so well If I shared a secret would you never tell?
I’m ending the fight I have with the stars Running through fields like I’m chasing cars And the sound of you is on the breeze Like a younger me the tree frees As I’m walking through the columns and rows Letting go of the loss of anything goes And finding my steadfast in the sight Of everything in the firelight
Things are changing rapidly But they’re also staying the same Love seems to be The name of the game As we grow and garden plants But from the sky we look like ants And do you think that such a view Can contain the heights of you Or the depth of your soul You don’t have to pay the toll Of living in a body human The cars pass by zooming And I wonder if I could catch a glance Would it move me like another chance As we all spend the scene Then call change a certain dream Because we are meant to grow Not torture each other, you know And the weight of troubled times Live with us like the crimes We secretly commit Or who we’re talking with On the down low I let it go, or don’t you know
.Reading time less than 1 minute.
The full force of the machine hit me across the skull And I’ve skin as thin as cotton wool As I try to find the deep reverb To silence noise with a word
I write poems about you About love and hate and in between As you criticize the dream For being too bold Too brash and vibrant to hold But it’s all me Sailing on the empty sea Of my own dread Is it wrong that you’re in my head Incessantly What does it take to be free Of your grasp You said we’d ever last But fine As you give up the thousandth time On what we were And I amn’t her But am I just making drama Not seeing things like a panorama Gaslighting myself Then saying it’s better for my mental health To hold it all in But maybe the sin Is not giving myself leave to feel And it’s all real So I heal Slowly at first You don’t have to rehearse I paint it in verse And a sideways glance Is nothing but a second chance Gone to waste So make haste And dive in It’s only five minutes til we begin To see the storm another dial And it’s like we’re on trial For a crime we didn’t commit But it’s still you I’m walking with
Stephen’s words are gentle true And I want to make the stars with you As you gaze out from a constellation And I have to say my medication Hasn’t prepared me for a moment like this One where opposites kiss Across a table And you aren’t able To hold back the smile I catch you all the while Laughing with your face lit up And I guess you could call this love Except for the fact You don’t want me back In that place again The only good thing was the men Who used to be good to me In days I lost my liberty To a staunch defender It was enough to render The articulation in my image The town was talking, the whole village Was effervescent with the notion That I was caught in my emotion And a subtle drawl Draped over me like a shawl In winter time Are you sublime Or just ocean, seas You could call it a modern disease To be brought low Places where I dare not go Or with a shudder There with any other And to be soothe with my music It’s the path I walked but I didn’t choose it
The water rises The fish it swims And it seems like the sky’s Getting closer to him As he follows in circles Patterns on the lake There’s no talk of forgiveness For the one he forsake And there’s no talk of trouble For idle thoughts Does the fisherman tangle With tackle he’s bought And the shoes we’re all wearing Do they know where they’re going Coz the train of time Doesn’t look like it’s slowing And we’re all on this ride Just in different seats Do you fold your arms Or uncross your feet And do the sages speak truth To the ears that you hear Is nirvana further away Or closer with fear Coz we all resist Our own enlightenment It’s kind of like you’re a ghost And you’ve frightened it So now it won’t Come out from where it hid So you make some noise Til it flips the lid On the place it had found To cover itself But are you abandoning All of your wealth As you leave the world Of thought that bind Are you nostalgic for all You’ve left behind Or do you open your arms To a new dawn And realise that nothing Is ever gone That can’t be brought back In another form Is the sun hot? Well, how are you warm? And do you second guess The wrath of the storm One minute there’s pain Then a baby born Amid all the fray And the stuff you see If you blink your eyes Is the darkness free Or just momentary To eclipse Your names like a prayer That sits on my lips And if only I Could communicate It’s likely I’d pull Both of us out of that state Into the river Where we’re rushing and free You didn’t make a mistake When you chose me
There’s a blizzard brewing There’s a storm atremble And things are beyond What they used to resemble As the new earth is birthed Into consciousness Don’t go saying It doesn’t exist Just close your eyes And feel the breeze Forgiving you Get up off your knees And stand firm Stand strong, stand true As the winds are howling All around you Make your stance On a solid foundation It’s a peaceful sort of Education As you trust the silence To ever be Whispering words Of eternity In the midnight, in the dawn At the close of day I just have this feeling That it’s all okay That we’re being taken care of No matter what it seems Don’t trust in the Thin fabric of dreams But on the rock Where you plant your foot Let the rain wash away What you’re afraid of
Something must be wrong Because people are being nice And things are going my way And everything’s alright And I’ve got this dread That just sits in my gut It’s like running thread Where you place your foot As you foretell the future With a negative slant They say anxiety Is born from what you can’t Bear to consider As time is passing by I try to catch the air But it just seems to fly Out from my fingers Away from my grasp Is there anything on earth That was built to last Coz everywhere I look Somethings fading away Even the sun Has only billions of years to stay And everything on earth Though it grows and it’s green Will one day disappear Out of the realm of the seen So I’m shaking as I’m taking Each breath that I unknot They say I’m seeing sideways But I think that they forgot That everything’s an ocean When you feel you’ve got to swim And if there is no storm Then where do I begin To tell the story of the tide As it moves to the beat I think I’m finding ground Where I can stand my feet And it’s making me nervous To feel so damn good I’m so used to being nervous And lost in the wood And if there’s any shelter That I find inside I’ll let you know the meaning Of the daydream that I hide I’ll let you know the shortcut Back to where there’s peace Where the winds have quieted down To my own relief
The thunder rolls and the ground trembles It’s all of me that it disassembles As I’m unmade a storm And the heat of your beat keeps my heart warm And the stars come out to light your night I wipe my tears coz I’m alright But I’m missing you now days are long And I cry but I’m still strong Coz I don’t show how I let it hit I keep it in coz I’m good at it And it’s only in my room that I break down Let it out and go to town And there’s an ocean all around If you listen carefully you can hear the sound Of the tide against the rocks I wake up and it stops And suddenly in a moment I’m free And there seems to be some kind of light shining from me As vibrantly I intone Whether with someone or all alone So I praise my Saviour You know you were the one who raised her Up from the mess she lay You show me love and I’m okay And it’s all I can do not to shout your name Now that I know you it’s not the same And I just radiate the glow That you gave to me, you know And it’s as true as the Sun As bright as you are the One And I kneel coz I’m young And the down days are done In one fell swoop you reside I’m coming out of the darkness in which I hide And let the light permeate If it’s the Now, why wait?
Fighting with the wilderness Fighting with the rain I can feel the pain Come at me again And it’s wearing down the structures Of the egoic mind Until no one Is left behind And I clamber over bricks I clamber over walls I get lost in love And free for all’s Till it finally comes back To where it started The moment Truth Was imparted The moment it shone From the sky And I realized I never die Only transform From one state to another Or beyond them both The witness is lover To all that unfolds Gently, unique There’s a power there I could never speak Only pay tribute And testament to It resides in the heart Of both me and you
I love so much
I feel I will burst
This feeling courses
Through the very worst
Through all of the liking
And ticking the box
I find I am open
Without any locks
And it just moves its own way
In a flow, in a beat
And I find I am standing
On my own two feet
As I build on foundations
Solid as a rock
Am I okay?
Well, is the sun hot
Just like my heart
In rhythms it's own
I may not be adult
But I am grown
I believe in the sky
To conquer the weather
And there are ways
To see through forever
To make it one
Under the rain
Say you'll never go back
To that place again
But you find the door
Ready to be knocked
You don't try the handle
Coz you know it is locked
But you hope and have faith
Trust and believe
In the strength you
Have always found underneath
To sail your ship
Once more through the storm
You can't see the sun
But still it is warm
And you know and you'll be
You'll love and create
Til you open your eyes
And walk out of that state
And find the dawn
That follows dusk
It doesn't take much
Just a little trust
As you resolve and know
Revolve and be
In all of this
Your wings are free
Am I misunderstood
There was a time
They all thought I was good
And had trophies lined up
For me to wear
I stand up
And the fabric tear
Til I'm reeling in dreams
Colossal and huge
It's like I asked for rain
And there came a deluge
To bucket down
On top of me
But fuck it, it's
All I got to be
And there's no point complaining
About my share of the deal
Oceans are weather
And it's the way that I feel
To finally come home
To who I am
I move in life
Without a plan
When you get knocked down do you ever consider staying on the floor
Let everyone else continue their war
While you use eyes to stare at stars
You can only see because you’re in the dark
And give yourself time to contemplate
Why you always return to this repetitious state
And if it says something about who you should be
That you’ve only been escaping from dignity
In silent stillness on the ground
You find the peace that’s all around
The Poetry Book 