You came so close to the mask
I let it slip
The moment held
And I equip
Myself for heartbreak
But love’s in every breath I take
And should I let you know
That I’ll follow where you go
So we can be close
And the ghost
Of the past is flying by
We don’t need to try
To be everything we are
I wish on you like a shooting star
It’s okay
You’re safe with me
I don’t need to know
Your history
Just stay in the space
Where it is you and I
The tornado spins
But we’re safe in the eye
Of the storm
All around
You can trust me
To hold the sound
Of a tuning fork
What is that that you retort
That I’m not really down
But I pause just outside your town
To see if you’re in there for real
And I would like to steal
Away into the night
But I’ll settle for knowing you
Alright?
You look at the clock
I hold my breath
Are you gonna leave yet
Or are we alright
And I told myself
It’s better to suffer
Than admit
That you really love her
And she looks my way
And I shake
She’s in every moment
That I choose to wake
Well, what does he think
He’s staring a storm
And I think that I
Would like to keep him warm
But there’s pain in his eyes
I can see it inflect
One wrong move
And this whole thing is wrecked
Now it’s burgeoning
And the moon is whole
I think that we might be connected
By the very soul
And I’m driving down roads
I can’t go back
Thinking about the person
I seem to lack
But really you’re here
Breath against skin
Though it’s so hard
To get a read on him
And she’s everything
I could desire
Does she know
She set my heart on fire
And it burns
For her still
But I don’t know
If I ever will
Get to
Touch her in person
And everything else
Is just rehearsing
Now it’s palm to palm
A namaste kiss
I don’t know enough
To know what I miss
But he’s delicate
And fine
And I would love
To call him mine
As we age
In separate spheres
But I still hold him
So very dear
And she’s crashing the waves
Upon the shore
Does she not
Want me anymore
Or is this fate
Playing a scam
She seems to remind me
Just who I am
And the pillow
Where I rest my head
Is beside her
In an imaginary bed
Are we cocaine lovers
A drug then a high
It was hello
There’s no goodbye
When your twin flame calls
And I am enthralled
As the wall falls
It’s destiny and we are walking
Telepathy is a kind of talking
We’re all interconnected
It’s metta here
And will anyone know
How I hold them dear
Coz I think back
Over days in Dublin
Caroline and that girl
That was troubling
But can I wish her well
Though she made life hell
Slamming the door of the press
Who does she think she address
With an anger that just escapes
From her form and I see shapes
Making themselves crystal clear
The demented and it came near
Close enough to see a ghost
In place of a man I love the most
And back then he was just a boy
And I a girl and power ploy
Laughing into the storm or rain
Asking Sam to play it again
As we dance at Oxegen
Now I’m all eyes for Fin
And you told a tale of fear and woe
But I said I’ve got to go
Coz you wanna wife with child
And I’ve long hair and am wild
Running with the wolves like Belle
But you know I gotta tell
You were an incredible sort of awesome
I’m running this creek like a wee gosoon
And it’s been twenty years or so
She lets me know I’ve gotta let go
Coz she’s so rooted in the earth
And I can’t pretend it didn’t hurt
When she turned her face away
And there’s nothing I can really say
Except I’m crying in the bathroom, wipe the streaks away
And we’re both freaks so what is there to say
Except that you roll with the punch
And sit alone at lunch
Only for Ruth and Christine
To come over coz they have seen
Me adjacent at the fold
And I am young but, man, I’m old
And pretty soon I’ll be trickling down
Like a stream onto solid ground
Beside the waterfall of you
I love it, red and blue
I got this feeling of dread
And it’s nobody’s fault
I feel like I have you
Locked in a vault
Coz my feelings can’t contain
All that has come down as rain
And do I do it over again
Forsake the love for the pain
And you catch my eye
And lean in close
I love the air
That you ghost
And my hands shake
As I type the letters
I’d just like to know you better
Every relationship has its equilibrium
And can we find our way
Coz you’re with her
But that’s okay
And am I just being a fool
Or a masochist
To think there are many ways
We could exist
Like living in two separate plains
Going by our decisive names
That we made for ourselves
And I’m putting books on the shelves
As I think of you
And I get a hit of intuitive blue
That is anarchy to my red
It’s in all the words you never said
Though I can’t make magic out of ash
But I would still have you back
In the instant you say
I love you, okay?
I got locked up
With golden chains
Like links from the sun
During thunderous rains
And I kept snippets
From the shell
That encased me
In a kind of hell
With the girl that screamed
(She was on drugs)
Or the friend I kept
Giving surreptitious hugs
Coz I mean it so
When I say I won’t let go
But I saw desperation
In her eyes
And if it’s cloudy
Are there still skies
As everything screams
It’s own refrain
And I try to hold
What causes me pain
But it’s a shard of glass
Sent in the post
And it’s been so long
Since I last saw your ghost
Wandering the halls of a vice
Everyone was super nice
But I’m trapped in a wall
And it’s like no one cares at all
As I fight to get out
To see the dubious look
Of a man in doubt
Hopping the lines she draws in the sand
I look at her and love is grand
And it’s all a spectrum really
I wonder if she’d ever steal me
Away into the night
Because she made me feel alright
As we talk unto the dawn
But it’s been ten years that I’m gone
And she laughed out loud at stuff I said
Like the man next door might want us dead
Or how I had the hots for a young Blair
And she had the coolest fuckin’ hair
But she’s got a partner now
And some beautiful children that life allows
To have a mother dear
And one thing is crystal clear
I had a girl crush on you
And I dunno, maybe I still do
Though it goes against the grain
I turn my face up unto the rain
Just to feel the feel of it
I sign my name and I quit
This effortless game
She said happy with her name
And she deserves everything she has
Showed me I don’t have to be one of the lads
I can just be the quiet me
A warm jumper and the tea
Is this an artist’s rendering
Of unimaginable pain
It all came down on me
Like thunderous rain
And I look afar
There was no sign
But I’m still so sure
Of what was once mine
That’s just barely there
But still it is
I was hers
Before I was his
And all I do is hide it
There are days I can’t abide it
But I trudge through the snow
Is it wrong to let her know
How much I suffered without her
And I’m all faith but there are days a doubter
Like Thomas and the Saviour
It took years to raise her
Up from the phoenix and ash
I swore I’d be there if you’d ever come back
But it’s like using a cane
To get around
It works but it’s not the exact sound
Of the step I used to know
And I can’t let go
Of all the people I love
The ones beside me
The ones above
The days that close in the evening
The team and Don’t Stop Believing
In all that you used to be
Is there somewhere it is you and me?
I was there that one time
When everything deserted me
Well, except the Lord
And I could write a foreword
On the story of my life
It goes she won’t be a wife
But will run with wolves
Along the chasm that destiny pulls
Me into it’s dark black hole
But it can’t outshine my soul
With all its unfettered wisdom
That starts an event horizon
But I keep my eyes on
Who I really am
I’m just walking, I don’t have a plan
And you take a stand for who you are
And you remind me of the north star
Always guiding me home
Just know you’re not alone
I remember the chats I used to have
With a certain Shane
And maybe I shouldn’t mention his name
But he made me feel awesome socks
I ran away when the door knocks
And it’s him asking to be let in
And I just shout over the din
Of the silence that resounds
Sometimes the quiet is the only sound
And he’s too quick to doubt belief
I stand listening like a thief
That would steal away a word
Like it’s the best thing I’ve ever heard
And we lost the Americans that day on the bus
And our friend is where I place my trust
As I lean on her arm for support
We’ve always had a kind of rapport
Ever since that day in Delphi
Where we saw the sheep like an elf we
Had a vision of the whole land
Washing over the waves like sand
And she’s taller than I can believe
And cooler than I can thieve
Away from the sky
Something binds us until we die
And I hung out with the engineers
And found some moments that life endears
Me to all and sundry
Just don’t look for sunny on a Monday
And she’s the one who told me to scrawl
My thoughts on the internet like a graffitied wall
And I’ve gotta be grateful to her and all
As I jumped up to catch the ball
And land with running feet
To the place where destiny meet
It’s tv on the radio and all I see
Is you throwing shapes at me
It was just a random Tuesday
I walked back to school
There was nothing happening
All was cool
All was fine
And that was the last time
I was free of the knowledge that
You were gone
I haven’t thought about it in so long
I came in the gate
The sun was shining
I wasn’t late
And I walked round the corner
Met Natalie
She looked with crying eyes at me
Expecting me to know
I panicked as I realized truth
Was hitting me again in youth
Who? Who?
And she let the name go
I was reeling with the blow
And we passed each other by
I stared at the sky
All I could think was
Where’s my school bag
I have to get my stuff
Why is it so important
What I’m not thinking of
And we gathered in the Oratory
Like a smashed piece of glass
And one of the girls hugged me
She sat beside me in class
And all I could think of
Is you love
And I try not to feel
The sensation
I lean on the others
For consolation
And I caught my maths teachers eye
As my sister fell into my arms to cry
And he looked away
There was nothing to say
Coz how do you deal with it
Death, the punch
One minute you’re fine
Just coming back from lunch
Next minute the Chaplain
Has us all in a bunch
And I didn’t cry
The tears wouldn’t come
And you were just
So young, so young
And I shut off my feelings
For the next fifteen years
Coz I haven’t lost you
If I don’t cry the tears
And hold it all together
But the sky is rainfall
And loss is the weather
And I try to recall
So I won’t forget
Every memory of you
That’s fresh in my mind yet
And what would you say
To us all
I have the faith
That you’re not gone at all
But watching over us
And blessing the ground
That we walk
You hear every sound
And catch every weep
I take tablets to help me to sleep
As I fall asunder
Is it any wonder
But something in me just holds you fast
You’re in our hearts so you haven’t really passed
And I’m finally opening the doors to talk
About the confidence in your walk
And the way you just breeze on through
I hope that you know I still miss you
And that I still feel your light on days
I find you in quieter ways
As you whisper your love in the moment I break
I let it go for God’s sake
Live strong
And let the beat hold the song
Up where there are no lies
From the mutant in disguise
And maya does it’s best to capture
But you have me in a state of rapture
Ringing bells from on high
And I am not afraid to die
Coz it’s just a veil that we pass through
Fr. P said that when we lost you
To a sudden and sharp
But we’re not alone in the dark
We’re held somewhere we can’t contemplate
And no one is locked out of that state
And I’ve been knocking on the door
But it was open and I adore
The freedom that has come to reign
Like I’ve been kissed by the pain
Til all that once held a stain
Washed away in sheets of rain
That just pour from the sky
The ground is nourished when clouds cry
So why should I fear my own tears
For it has been many years
In a silent solitary slumber
But the Divine is not going under
No matter how I bury my soul
Waves only know how to roll
The haunting sits on the edge of my mind
Is there a world I’ve left behind
As I put my toe into the water
Grow up and out of the realm of daughter
Into a kind of new born leader
But you don’t have to fear her
Coz she shines with all the resonance
Of the earth and holy dance
Into mountains and over grass
Building something that will last
In the stream of the effervescence
The moon is full and the crescent
Just hangs in the air for everyone to see
Please tell me, love, it’s not just me
Butterfly, my love
Please don’t crush the flower you grow
If you’re in trouble
Just let me know
And if there are seeds
You long to plant
Just sow them in my garden, ant
And I know there are many interpretations
Of looking out for train stations
Or dialing a lost line
Why are you so hard to define
When you’re empty in my hands
As we traverse foreign lands
Together but apart
Don’t you know
You’re the king of my heart
And it was delicate once upon a time
But now I dress like you’re mine
And our hands may be tied
But I’m still soaring you’re alive
That you simply exist
And there’s nothing that I’ve missed
So call it whatever you want
You’re what I love to flaunt
When I’m tired and lonely as hell
Our story is the one to tell
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I hide myself away
Coz you know I cannot stay
But the water pours on through
And I find myself back with you
As you shyly meet my eye
Oh, my darling, what a guy
As you rivet me with your storm
And I sit back just studying form
And I’d really like to know what she think
Maybe I’ll ask her over a drink
As we both regale the days
Before sudden sorrow and power plays
And I wish I could confess
The joy of a mini dress
I’m the summer and the swish
Grants the guys a hidden wish
But your hand holds more than my heart
It’s the soft that makes my soul start
And trouble echoes across the plain
Has my pain been vain
Or does it mean something that I
Won’t give in to lie
About who I am
Can I be part of your plan?
There’s nothing love can’t do
It somehow brought me to you
And in our chasm call
Though we fight and the wall
Seems to rise between us
Baby, you couldn’t even dream up
This kind of love
And I’m five and the dove
Flies overhead
Warding off the resident dread
To come again another day
Do I just get in your way
Or are we okay
Because I fly
And I know you die
In a room alone
God damn, just look at your phone
And you will find me there
A digital realm of true care
To vanquish the pain
What was lost we can never gain
But an aside
I am alive
And so are you
So there’s really nothing stopping us two
Did we grow out of one another
Have I sold my soul to a brother
As it pulls me far away from you
But there was misery in us two
And we can’t seem to repair
What I know is there
And I falter on the end
Of the phone with a friend
Coz it’s so difficult just to be me
It’s lost where it used to be free
And we try to match the pieces
It’s where the similarity ceases
Coz I’m not who you paint
And your likeness is so faint
As we use pencils to erase the ink
I don’t believe I am what you think
As you see me through a clouded frame
And it’s so hard to speak your name
Coz it’s become a metaphor for pain
Like the clouds seem to signal rain
And it’s like the knife twists
When you pretend I don’t exist
How can I ever reach out to say
I hope you are okay
And that you’ve found what you’ve looked for
You’re something that I still adore
The love I have for you
Burns magnets into the sky
The love I have for you
Is not afraid to die
And even when the goings tough
The waves they rage, it’s not enough
But something pulls us through
And I have faith in you
In weather inclement or fair
I gotta trust that you are there
Ready to be by my side
Always keeping my love alive
Nathaniel springs to mind
He is the drug I hug in kind
And the seasons spin around
But we all stand on solid ground
Ready to stamp our boots
For a tree to grow it must have roots
And soak up the moisture from the soil
And I wouldn’t be a Coyle
If I didn’t stand up for what’s true
And it just so happens that truth is You
I’m suspending disbelief
To hear what you’ve got to say to me
And you whisper in my ear
Try to induce a tear
But I ain’t crying anymore
Is that you knocking on my door
And if it is will I let you in
It is always the holy him
Rocking a beard and a pair of glasses
Oh, all the guys that he outclasses
With his shy and then so sure
And I’ve always been sorta pure
And I gotta say it’s always for you
I’ve got a bracelet I wanna give to you
As a token of my affection
So make a selection
It’s me on the end of the line
And you come back a thousand times
And I get the sense that you need
More than someone who can make you bleed
In just the right way
So hear what I gotta say
About love and it’s opposite
I’m so restless I can barely sit
And you’re the one in talking with
Some kind of cocaine music star
You are the king of my heart
Can I look in the mirror and love what I see
Instead of all the darkness chasing me
And the demons to which I succumb
I don’t know how to get out so I just run
And what is the use in being young
If you use your strength to be high strung
And everyone’s saying all of these things
But I have hidden a pair of wings
That extend out over me
If they’re gonna save me I’ve gotta be free
And know who I am when I walk my shoes
Don’t pay the price, just pay my dues
And they may have a number on me
But I’m not playing with vague history
Only the dashboard on which the cam
Plays a new tune to break the dam
As it floods me with rays of light
It’s bliss and I’m alright
For now, the going is strong
And you didn’t do anything wrong
I love you, babe
But I’m not someone you need to save
Coz I’m standing on solid ground
In the years of the great shakedown
Do you wanna hold my hand
The space is yours beside me on the sand
Does growing up
Mean you fall outta love
Coz we’re still at that age and you’re in the pit
You telling me a story and I’m laughing at it
Though it has an edge that I’m not so sure
Is cool but you are too pure
To doubt as you say something about Tayto
And I dunno but do you wanna date though
And I’m considering for the first time in my life
That it might be okay to be your wife
And you’ve got lips that I wanna kiss
But you’re like an asteroid and we always miss
A direct hit
Life moves on and I’m rolling with it
And all these years have passed
But something about us last
As we distill the drink
We pipette the alcohol and you wink
To show me that you’re in on this
I look up from my cards and you tell me to go fish
D’ya remember we went to Cowboy Joe’s
When the beach was lapping against our toes
And all the sand between our feet
Won’t pay for a place to eat
And I’m starving with the hunger
To you I’m just a number
You can calculate
Play the xylophone into another state
And the wind was murder and my breath was air
I was killing time just being there
Til you called me up
Said, hey babe, it’s love
But you flick your ash onto the carpet
While I’m studying the market
For foreign goods
And the woods
Feel more like home than they ever did
Do you know how to flip a lid
Or a bottle cap
Like the sudden shock of slap
When it’s leveled against your face
And your disgrace
Has no meaning here
My love, my dear
It’s crystal clear
We’re just wading through our fear
And the storm is over
Like the white cliffs of Dover
Steady in the breeze
Constancy is all you need
Diesel is desire
And if there’s a spark it’ll catch fire
And explode
I didn’t know the less travelled road
Was a trail to blaze
Oh, all the cities I raze
To the ground
Just to hear the sound
Of tomorrow’s bells
Will we all burn in hell
As we make hell on earth
Poison the soil we call dirt
Then throw it at each other
Coz we can’t grow from it, brother
People seem to want to carve out their little islands
Forget about the principles of non violence
And childhood dsys
We have grown up in so many ways
But have we matured
Is life just something to be endured
Or is it a joy
In the story of girl meets boy
And cacophony resound
Do you wake up when you hear the sound
Of tomorrow’s bells
And who tells
The sun to rise
Or a baby to open their eyes
In stormy skies
What lives on when the body dies
Is it the soul
And if it is what is the role
Of ego, identification with form
Do you feel the fire warm
The cockles of your heart
Is it trouble just to take part
In this kind of din
And when I walk alone is it with Him
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Love, he reaches out to you
And, God, I don’t know what to do
But I move my feet
To the tune of his beat
And it’s not quite a dance
Coz it’s woken from the trance
And music don’t sound the same
But I vibrate to the holy name
Of the one who saved my life
Not once but more than I’d like
And I’ve been relegated in the extreme
But it’s only within the dream
My Jesus opened the door
He let me see that there’s something more
Beyond the chasm of calls
The teaching of words, the world’s enthralled
And I was on my knees begging to sky
Watching someone I love slowly die
Why don’t you do something, where are you
But you took her and put me through
Some kind of hell
What is it the story that you tell
That the Almighty is all that exists
Then why did you put me on your list
And it’s a sudden awning pain
Like the cold when you’ve been out in rain
And I’m on the floor
With my head resting against the door
And a sudden spark ignites
Wherefrom did all these lights
Appear
And I hear her say, my dear
Like she always did when she was alive
And her flowers didn’t survive
But something she planted did, God knows
It’s been living in me and it shows
So I wash my face, dry my tears
And I’ve been holding it in for years and years
And it’s finally singing a song
My Lord, you did nothing wrong
And it’s more than a future reunite
It’s a love that holds you in the night
When you’re punching the air
Cursing all that isn’t there
But something new is born
The moment that the fabric’s torn
The way the world collapsed
It was war, it wasn’t fair
Now I’m standing at the door
I’m about to knock and you are there
And I feel the crush
Of all the atoms
Press against my body
Flatten
And are you some kind of Jesus
Coz I feel like praying
You double entendre
What are you saying
And I venerate
The myth I made of you
It’s something you could never live up to
Except for the fact that you do
I never get tired looking at you
And I know you have a girl
But can’t I admire a tree
Knowing that it will never be for me
Unless you pull some cat out of the bag
Like you’re my saviour in drag
And why did I feel the con
The moment that you were gone
Repair all my broken parts
The wounds that make my system start
To chuck, now the machine is dead
And I’m kind of wondering what goes through your head
And you called me a bitch
But that’s a bit rich
Coming from a rock like you
You wouldn’t move just coz I told you to
I’m just walking to school
And I think about you
I wonder if
You think about me too
And we haven’t met
But I know you’re there
We whisper sidewalks
So you know that I care
And winter is coming
There’s a chill in the air
And I haven’t got a hope
Or an answered prayer
As I realise there’s more
Than I can countenance
I can’t take the weather
Making my heart dance
Into the ocean
Of meeting your stare
Thank God and the sky
That you are there
Find your way back to me
Make future history
And stories we can tell the grandchildren
That gather round the hearth
And what you save for me in the dark
And you can tell her she’s welcome too
Or I am with her and you
It’s just I can’t write this off
And it’s not a sunk cost
But something I’d invest in
Even if it didn’t win
And there have been trees in the forest of me
Falling onto pine needle dignity
As they hold me against my will
And all of my senselessness spill
Into hilarity
I’m laughing at the thought of you and me
On my bed in a chasm
And I love that she still has him
Coz they look so perfect together
And d’ya know it’s lovely weather
For a sky to break
And I’m counting every breath I take
Coz they’re numbered
And have you ever wondered
Just what’s fueling your love affair
Don’t you feel me there
In lashes and guilt and opening doors
Are men too quick to call women whores
For being connected to another dimension
And this is just a logical extension
Of the need to be
Quintessentially free
Did I learn from my degree
That she
In effervescent tones
Sparkles when you’re all alone
And diamonds can’t buy what’s given
Some people survive and call it living
And I gotta say
I can’t save this for another day
But anyway
Hit me up, if that’s okay?
I guess I just couldn’t be myself
Because of the wealth
Of rules and strictures
And there’s all these guys taking pictures
And you can’t trust
Something when it’s based in lust
There’s gotta be something more
But when you look at me I adore
Myself reflected in your eyes
And in your aura there’s no disguise
You see right through
To what I didn’t mean to show you
Or anyone
But the sun
Just shone
And then you were gone
And I grasped air
In the place where you were there
Til I found you again
And I swear off all men
But your soul pulls the floor
And I unslam the door
And let you back in
If I’m a competitor can I let you win
Coz I don’t wanna lose
The point I came here to prove
That you’re the best thing I never had
And my good is so bad
When you contemplate the style
But I’ll keep you on file
And flick through the memory scene
Do you wanna make the dream
Real and true
Oh God, what I would do with you! 😉
A rising tide lifts all boats
But that only works if the damn thing floats
Else you have a tidal wave
And drown the people you’re trying to save
And are we crushing the flower we walk upon
Will we only know when it’s gone
When it’s too late to turn back
Fighting over what we lack
Or will there be a new tomorrow
Where we wake up from all the sorrow
Into a domain of peace
Where forgiveness is our just release
And what part do I play
Do I stand up for what I can’t say
As it ushers in a new command
Aren’t we too wise to fight over land?
Got an explosion going on Thinking there was something wrong When it's just the fire of the Aries spirit And really there is no need to clear it Just let it flow through my veins Like a wild horse needs no reins To know where it's going I'm beginning to trust and it's showing And that man I danced with in the sky Has revealed to me what it is to cry With an open heart But he makes love seem an art With a reckless kind of abandon And it didn't choose him at random To be the source my soul returns to I try to fight but it's always you And I have love in other zones I have never really been alone And she ushered in the truth In the years of our youth As we enter this next stage Can we learn to act our age Instead of embodying what we've been taught I'm sensitive and over wrought And do I need to learn how to forgive Or just learn to let live
I envisioned the whole scene It was like a fuckin dream Where I had the central role And what's up for grabs is my soul As I ride the subway train Or walk Kilglass in the rain Somehow it's all the same I flash my metro card And some guy helped me coz it was hard To figure out as I traipse down the stairs Wondering if anyone cares And I know she does but she's got laws It's winter and the summertime thaws Out the vestibules of old sand Pearls out of what was underhand And I divide the spoils I've earned But all my profit only burned What was left of me The remnants an effigy Of a spiral diagram I sketched But the problem hit and I retched And sought salvation in a clinic It looks fine from the outside but once you're in it You come to know that there are rules That I can't ace like I did in school So I sit in the music room Abject to the sound of doom Or wander down the hall As the world explodes from it all How do you say kunalini, one, two, three But they don't listen to me
Beautiful skies You are reflected in my eyes As I stare into the Liffey And my tenuous connection to love is iffy As I haul my bones down the street Looking for something to meet Me on the road to where I can't go And I'm back where I started you know Looking over the verge to where the grass is green Is this all we've ever been And I was watching while you were sleeping You are a problem I have and I think you're worth keeping
You still tick my clock You break the lock You don't need a key And you've always featured In the diary of me As we make a two by two Go just as far As I can drive In my car And I may have grown up And shaken down You may have shattered Like glass on the ground It doesn't mean I won't pick you up Coz you know you are my love Since we were teens You are the man of my dreams
Do you hear that sound?
It’s the thunder calling for me
It doesn’t take notes
That’s history
And my Filofax
Goes unused
Don’t worry it’s just
My ego that’s bruised
As you flaunt
What I don’t have
You took what you could
In a smash and grab
Then laughed at my joy
And rubbles my silver
Is it for my own good
If I forgive her
Or does that just
Throw the door open
To vagaries
Who are only hoping
To get what
She thought to take
But my spirit
Never break
And though my sky
Is endless rain
I can’t find it in me
To condemn the pain
That broke the lock
I had know key
And I stepped into
The sky that’s me
I lean against her side
And I’m so glad we’re both alive
But I watch the clock ticking down
One day we will all be gone from this town
And the years that we pass
Are just breath moving, it doesn’t last
And I looked down a loaded gun
When I thought I was the only one
Standing in these pair of shoes
I get up every morning and pay my dues
With money I just don’t have
Why do I feel so bad
As I read about storms in the Russian tundra
As the threads all pull asunder
And the dress I made is shreds of grass
One more day is all I ask
Til there’s one that is no more
Did you know I knocked upon your door
To see would you answer it
With your debonair and characteristic wit
But I shiver on the step, inside it’s warm
What is the reason I was born
Coz I muse and I wonder and I ask why
And I just don’t believe I could ever die
As I look out the window, Dromod’s across the river
And there was that girl and I still don’t forgive her
For breaking into my house to steal
Til I decked it, are you for real?
And there was another who stood at my height
I reach out to her, she says; “you’re alright”
He interjects and it’s circumspect
Coz how could I attenuate
Any of this love with hate
And sure he’s a nice man
But he only listens when he thinks you can
Find a way to follow the line
He’s wasting my space like he’s wasting my time
And I’ve gotta grow up and be
The writer of a new destiny
Don’t have time for this pity lark
And as I’m walking through the park
I feel one with the grass
If this is psychosis I hope it last
Coz you’ve got a label
But you cannot see
Over the rim of your spectacle
As you look at me
And maybe a kundalini and the crown
Might be the reason why I drown
In a sea of ocean vast
The emptiness and fullness pass
Til I’m all or nothing but down for this
And I’m in love with someone I only kiss
Through the bars of Orion
I don’t know, it just feels like flying
Through somewhere where gravity
Obeys the rules of destiny
And let’s me lift off from where I am
I just walk without a plan
And It leads me where It’s going
I look outside and the Sun is snowing
I let the water percolate
To pull the world out of this state
And do we give with our whole hearts
Or do we lead in fits and starts
I know coz I see it in you
But, damn, it’s not just us two
And there are those in other shoes
Who can’t get by without our dues
And just because we’re strong
Don’t mean we can’t put a foot wrong
And I know the sand by the water
I know the feeling of being daughter
But I’ve grown to realise
The permanence in temporary skies
And even rain and sun
Must give way to the One
The Eternal Sphere
It’s evidence is crystal clear
Just turn within
The Son of God and I am Him
We gotta draw the line
(I tell him I’m fine)
But he insists that I
Am too distressed not to die
And I try to fight
But he blows out the candlelight
So I’m just fumbling in the dark
For a torch in the park
And it’s no place to be in times like these
And St. Pat’s brought me to my knees
And I want to fly in the face
Of what they swear is my disgrace
And I disagree
But his degree
Is not in conflict resolution
And he seeks the dissolution
Of this state of mind
But look at what I’d leave behind
If I just left you there
With no one watching and no one to care
As I muck it out in the trenches
They call my name when I’m sitting on benches
My place to make a scene
And this vision is a dream
But I will make it real
I pay back what I steal
I a hundred pound notes
I’m Gandhi or at least one of his quotes
Do I believe in the holy sisterhood
Has me doing things for the good
Of others not myself
Because the way the cards are dealt
Seem to aim for our division
As we fight each other like some kind of Britain
And if we’re not to fuel empire
Must we attenuate desire
Or could we grow and speak
The power that makes us weak
And I smile at the good
Of your heart and the wood
Is dense and thick
And you’re kinda driving stick
Around the road in front of me
As I’m lying, automatically
The year I took myself to task
Was the year that I thought to ask
You if you would be my friend
And the year of twenty one will never end
But it’s filled with ennui
Coz I lost what I gave for free
And all the time you were with her
I didn’t know that it stir
As you wake up to believe
More than wiping your eyes with your sleeve
And I got committed to a mental equation
Adding up how I might hate him
But I can’t make it last or real
As they try to make me not feel
Anything at all, a deadening tome
I thought you stood alone
But there was wind in your hair
I didn’t realise she was your air
As I breathed in all I could take
Til I’m the diamond you forsake
Hidden in the rough and tumble
But my facade starts to crumble
As I let the truth sneak in
Would I settle for just part of him?
Do you remember the day I met him
And I was down for the win
And is it just passé
But he makes me feel that way
More than I can explain
Like getting soaked in the rain
By the sky as it opens up
Is it right to call this love
When it rips me apart
Though I lead by the heart
And is there magic in the equation
You look at me with elation
As you realise all the daggers
Come with an award that staggers
Across the floor of me
Don’t you know this damn thing’s free
It was shallow water
And I waded in deep
I stayed up all night
When everyone was asleep
Just to write love letters to the stars
And you know my prison bars
Were something I could see around
Did she make a sound
When she crossed the floor
And I used to adore
The ground she walked on
Til I became something she talked on
And I swore I would keep something secret
It’s not like bread, you cannot eat it
Only muse on what you have become
And it was dark and I was young
But she showed me the light
As I exploded into kryptonite
Shattered glass on the floor
But I wanted more
Than just some addendum you throw a bone
Maybe I’m better off all alone
Or with the ones I can stand
I hate to say it but it was underhand
The way you tore me down
I played the thief, you played the clown
And you know I felt sorry for you
Despite what you put me through
As I diary entries that I can’t speak
You hit me hard and I was weak
And the fire seemed to catch
I left the room, you left the latch
Open like I’m coming through
But we lost what I had with you
Among the flying knives that shatter the glass
I’ve found something that could last
And everywhere I look’s the same
I’m seventeen in everything but name
And she’s as awesome as she always was
And I love him just because
He’s different and nice
And didn’t expect me to look twice
But I’ve been looking in the mirror
For as many years as I fear
To add to in the relentless pursuit
Of time that is consuming our youth
And I noticed my skin looks dragged
Did I ever appreciate what I had
When it was there for real
Does he care what I feel
And would he care to know
The places that my daydreams go
When they are resting on solid ground
Does he know I love the sound
Of forever in his intonation
I fuck it up then I go on vacation
For a decade or so
But I love how we take it slow
I talk to your girl
We set things straight
I said I
Was never gonna wait
But she assure
The water’s pure
And I can drink
From the fount
There’s no warring words
And the amount
Of love in the room
Has me forsaking doom
As I run
With the wolves
And the longing
Sewing thread
It pulls
I’ve gotta shout
So the world will know
So there’s a place
Where people can go
And it seems people age
And they lose their faith
And the love they’re born with
Turns into hate
As the aside grows
Into monstrous crime
But every idea
Will have it’s time
So I put forward
One of mine
It’s that I will not stop
Nor learn to live on money
It’s the garden that grows
And shows the sound of honey
As the bees pollinate
The flowers they kiss
And my eyes on the sky
The kite to miss
I'm studying what makes the earth spin And no, I guess, it's not all down to him As we share and co-operate We give to others and lift our state And the land that we till is not under machine Can someone else enter into your dream When you're asleep As I promise to keep My bargain with duty and all the gold I'm living my heart and I won't be told What to do by someone with guns But neither am I in service to nuns I follow the beat and I self regulate But I make mistakes, like what's up with that date I had one time with destiny It was a mistake and I'm coming to see That trouble is winter and there is a sun That shines through the clouds in what can't be done And account for the loss of trying to fail I give of my heart and it's not for sale But I must find a way to cut through the tide Make mountains move because I'm alive And be the example in what is a rule Live up to the promise that I had in school
I looked out the window I watched for the tide With news from the sea That you might be alive And I can't preempt destiny Or run with the wolves I've just got this awesome And hot damn it pulls Me like a thread Through a needle eye I just wait for news And hope you don't die Somewhere afar Where I can't reach you Life said, love, listen And let the truth teach you Coz I can't be a summer When winter has dawned I can't be the clock face That someone has pawned For gold or money Or just getting by I know life is hard But I've gotta try To find the flow That runs a river I know I've been gone But could you forgive her For the fear in her blood It runs in her veins And it's not easy To erase the stains That come from a life Of denying truth It's almost too much The paragon of youth As I finally come round The smelling salts Wake me and take me As my nose assaults My senses with something That's meant to rouse I don't mean to disappoint I want to make you proud
The Poetry Book 