Opening the door on the bitterness I hold like a grudge
From that time she made me trudge
Through the snow in the coldest winter
And it couldn’t have been simpler
I wanted to walk away
And she made it easy to say okay
When she said she couldn’t relate to me 
Now there are men who would date me 
And she called me a princess in an ivory tower
Looking down on those beneath her power
And it struck a nerve so tense 
The air got thick and dense 
With fog and indecision
With her accusations and her derision 
As she pointed the finger at me 
And Doireann walked out on infinity
When she saw me fight with you
I tried to justify a position and it happened to
Make me surrender
So I just remember
Pulling all my boats to shore
As though I didn’t love you anymore 
Because you took the sharp end of the knife 
And plunged it into the back of my life
And good friends stab you in the chest
But you never graduated to best
Not in the way they had 
You always talked about something bad
That haunted some kind of vision you’d see
One day the bad thing was me 
And you struck me with the back of your hand 
Til I’m face down in the sand
And the grains 
Eventually became the pains
That threw me into a new revelation
Like turning off the tv station 
The static just went quiet
And the riot 
Turned to this calm 
And what you had in your palm 
Emptied itself of waves 
And it is the Lord who saves
Not I
So turn to Him and cry
And he will catch your tears
I’ve held this in for years and years
Thinking that I owed you secrecy 
Because of the things you whispered to me
In undertones 
And before phones 
Were there to document 
I couldn’t have said where your love went 
But I don’t want something back
When it turns to attack
At the slightest provocation 
And there was elation 
When the burden was lifted
And something was gifted 
To the girl 
Who thought the end of the world
Had come to her door
But there is always something more
To see
I was plunged into the mystery
And the clouds murmured and announced
I was to be more than renounced 
By someone I cared for 
There is an open door 
And what I was before 
Faded from view
The one who had been destroyed by you 
I’m talking to Ilona and I look round and see
You at the back staring at your copy
And I feel a wave of empathy
And long to reach out
But something closes down and my doubt
Tells me that she’s not worthy of 
The kind of love
That is boundaryless
She would just make another mess
In the room of forgiveness 
But sometimes I still ponder the fact 
That I never stopped loving her back
In all my turning away
And the things that did not stay
And somewhere in the unknown
There are flowers yet to be grown 
In the garden with the seeds
A thing doesn’t grow until it bleeds
And love isn’t free until it needs 
Nothing at all
I stand in the waterfall
And let it pour down its truth 
You were the burden of my youth
And let this be the proof 
Of coal turned diamonds on a tin roof