She has to have noise Like I have to have boys Because when it gets too silent it blocks out the light And she realises she is not alright So she scrolls on her phone Even though she is all alone And somewhere in the forest of tears She finds the reason for all these years Spent in resistance to the cause Spent in fury at a life on pause And I can only dance And hope that she gets a second chance To be all she thinks she is But one thing’s for sure is that I am His And she worries the thread Frays it as she lies in bed For the trouble of what amounts To the lies that she surmounts In order to maintain a coherent frame And I cannot even mention his name Or it sets off a torrent of words To make sure the truth goes unheard And that holy bird Learns to live on a silent wing Because I gave him everything And I’m not taking it back Though they attack Me from every front and place For daring to love his face When the pretence drop And I am not The words she uses to condense Everything into the present tense It’s humiliating As if he’s just some guy I’m dating On the sly And the reason why Is more than she’s ever known She thinks she quenched it but the seeds that are sown Only flourish in the darkest earth And everything she uses to hurt Me with For being a “bitch” In modern parlance Is nothing, darlin’ I just brush it off And whisper to him “all is not lost”
The life I’ve always wanted receded into the distance And when I reached for it I only felt resistance As I confessed my secret heart He took his wound and tore me apart And with tears in his eyes He ripped into my disguise Til I stand with paper hands And look at the sands Slipping through the cracks I know we can’t go back From this I though you might kiss Me when you found out the truth Like I know you wanted to in our youth And I put you off And you splutter and cough And tell me you have no time For what I found in the diamond mine And soldered to a band of gold for you In a past life I was the one to Go down on one knee Reversed genders, same eternity And I propose a solution to the problem Because together, all of the troubles, we’d solve them And you’ve found another partner And it would hearten her If she knew how you talked behind her back And the girls that you attack In her name I don’t mean to lay the blame But is it just gonna be the same As it was two hundred years ago With your blonde hair and the way you kissed me slow
I’m not going making an enemy out of you Not even if the whole world wants me to And you’ve got the force of the women’s cause And I’m on a stereo hitting pause Because I can’t cope with what I see That you had her as well as me And I know it’s lame and it’s a whole joke And I can’t get by on what I wrote But I see you sometimes in the air And feel the space where you’re not there And everything’s like an answered prayer And you’re the angel by which I’d swear But the mountains roll down to the sea And I am nothing if not free Of everything you got to be I don’t know if you were looking for eternity But it was forever on the grass Just the kind that doesn’t last And you were the rain that lashed And all the diagrams that smashed But somehow you made a different choice And I decided to hide my voice In the realms of empty pages I’ve written odes to the ages Up against an empty wall And I was running down the hall Just to catch the trail of you Til I realized you don’t want me to So I just stop and stand still Feel the force of all that will Strive to keep heaven away But it’s one shore I can’t hold at bay And the march of time just goes on Will there be a day when we’re both gone Or does something just endure I call it the wave of pure Consciousness that just abides There are oceans that survive The still and empty way you move And if love is just a point we prove Then there’s nothing left to lose I don’t have a choice but it’s you I choose
I edit the muse Because I feel the ruse Is too obvious to everyone around So quiet as a mouse I don’t make a sound Til it implodes And everyone goads Me til a break in my mental health Is the cards that I am dealt I smile into the sun And I look for the one Meanwhile, on the run I end what was never begun And I look to him for salvation He hasn’t got any I thought he had the truth But it’s just one of the many And something he spouts To eschew his self doubt I look within And I find a power greater than him Deep in my soul He could make all the waves roll But he can’t command the sea Or make a woman out of me Just coz he’s a man He kicks the can Down the road And the car slowed To see what he was doing I’m no girl for the pursuing So I let it go I’m not sure if he ever got it though
I love it, I do But it’s just not the facebook you And you say we’re friends But it’s frayed at both the ends And it’s undefined How could I have ever called you mine When your hand is intertwined With another heart, that’s just fine But it won’t go building bridges over the river we were And I think I love her For loving you and holding you tight For kissing the face of a bit of alright And I may be bitter but at night It’s you I hear calling my name And the days may have changed, we’re still the same As the eaves run with all the rain Would you do it over again? Coz I don’t think I’d be up for the war At the end of the day what is it for? When you live in the ridges you build for yourself And go about creating some kind of hell It’s not just for yourself, it’s for others as well And the storm clouds come in over the horizon And there’s nothing steady to keep your eyes on As the shifting sands of weather wear Everything without a care And would you know me if we met on the street I’m holding candelabras, can you feel the heat Of something I somehow contain And when we fight we do it in vain Coz love holds us all in its arms Even when we’re in school ringing alarms Being on the bell for a month or two Would you set it early if it was you? Or would you go by the clock The passing of time, well, it’s a lot As we leave our steady souls by the door Do you ever wish for more?
There’s stunning in the stars And they wish away all of my prison bars As they shine from on high And whisper that I’m not gonna die Not from treason, not from rain Not from people I’ll never see again As the bird alights on my shoulder I roll away the boulder At the mouth of the tomb And find my Lord like I found the womb Of all existence And the resistance Is subterfuge In the deluge Of somehow in the Sunday Would the Son of Man love me anyway In spite of all I have not done And the promise of being young Was not enough to stem the tide Of longing to abide In a deeper state of being And the seeing Is no longer enough I have to become the love Instead of picking fights With people when they’re being shites And talking me down to sin Telling me that though I walk with Him I am lost in the sea And I get a knee Into the chest It knows how to wind me best With the loss of love Why do you do this when above Is the standard we bear I watched the Universe tear
It was ‘14 and I was on the run And you kinda looked like a loaded gun And I wondered if you would go off So I paid the cost And let the ship go down Kinda dropped out of that town And they called it a scene But, guess what, they are livin’ the dream In a living room potion I’m equal parts water and emotion As the sea afloats A rising tide that lifts all boats In the midnight blues Would you be just old news If I read the feed But wanting you made me bleed In deeply unconscious states The girl waits For it all to be right Then suddenly ignite With all she is But I am not his In the movement that belies The futile moment that he tries To stem the flow Of realizing I cannot go Any closer to you So, I’ll back off, that’s what I’ll do Into the depth that surrounds And riverbeds quake grounds But they can’t uproot the tree That’s been growing within me So you can keep the label I’ll keep the love, if I’m able!
Coming down from the sky Wondering if I’m gonna die As the wings catch air And a shudder ripples in there How does a flight Set enough fire to ignite A storm in me And history Is nothing new So stars are spilling from the space that’s you A galaxy, a kaleidoscope And Regina begins to hope As she crawls up off the floor Why is to know you to adore The shawl you clasp around your shoulder And we’re not getting any older Only more well versed in the scene Even if the whole thing is a dream To be deciphered by a sleuth like me To know me is to set me free
I used to blaze a trail I was always on fire If you get the down low It’ll take you higher And I had a taste Of the Immaculate Heart Found something within me That will never depart Then I lost faith And all in ruins Went day drinking With howareya’doin’s Til I Hit the floor And at rock bottom There was a trapdoor That let me out Or let me in I sign my name In love with him And he sees me there Upon a hill Does destiny decide Or some higher will About whether or not We’re meant to be Til I found myself Down on one knee Professing all I can’t contain Like the clouds when it starts to rain And, aghast, he grips a chair “But I thought there was nothing there” Now I’m all at sea And must accept the calamity That follows my footsteps down the road I kissed a prince And found a toad And I’m laughing, laughing Coz there’s nothing wrong And he leads with the power of song Always to his beholden one And I wouldn’t wish them undone For any power in the world of man I smile but I don’t know how you can Let this be and let this go I just wanted you to know You were the soundtrack of my summer year And I’m gonna always hold you dear And visualize my own scene I’ll meet you somewhere, maybe when you dream In avenues and wonder spells It was lovely, our show and tell
There’s something superb on my window pane And all of my fighting I have done in vain Coz he’s waiting for me when I get home And there’s nothing I ever have to do alone And he’s sweet and innocent Pausing and true I let him fall into open arms and you Are always there when I get back There’s nothing in me that you lack As you fail to find refuge in foreign seas And get diagnosed with the dreamer’s disease But it’s not make believe that he was there And I found a diamond in true care
Life makes love With the sky, with the sea With the atoms that make up The constellations of me And the design Is its own making It counts ever hair And each breath I’m taking As I find a new way To express the expanse And it is as though We’re all part of a dance Living and moving Breathing and being Looking through lenses And new ways of seeing And if there ever Comes a midnight Know in your heart That you’ll be alright Coz you made it this far Through forests and trees Through brambles and flowers That blow in the breeze And somehow, somewhere Someone’s watching over you If you see it in cinema Well you’re looking for two
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I swim my way to the shore Full of a heart to simply adore And the stars sparkle diamonds over my head I see the Universe from my bed
The depth of the ocean In the blue of your eye I look into them And see what cannot die What is age old And circumspect I’m silent a moment Don’t know what to do next But you pick it up With a reply Don’t you know you’re spacious As the sky And the eons move And the constellations spin I’m watching the motion In the mountains of him I’m watching the film As the play reels I’m wondering now What it is he feels And if he ever Doubts his strength I found my own In the suspense And I deep dive Into the sea I’m like the air You can’t catch me Only love What we share I’m silent a moment And he was there To hold on to What can’t be spoken I smile And he thinks I’m joking But I’m serious And profound Do you hear the silence In the sound? Do you see the mystery In what can’t be held I look at you In the words you beheld In the forests that grow up To be proud and green You’re beautiful And you’re serene You’re effervescent You’re timeless, you’re pure You’re the one thing That I know for sure In all that’s Passing by I love you and I Don’t have to try
Comparison and judgement
Destroy the soul
They make you
Prematurely old
They only serve
To dim your light
Just surrender
Give up the fight
And come back
To a place called home
Know that you
Are never alone
But always supported
From the ground up
The Universe
Is built on love
I sit on the stool and hold his hand
He says, “It’s ok, I’m fine, be grand”
And I know that it’s true
But it doesn’t take depth away from you
He sighs the air
And I feel the weight of all that is there
“Look, See”
He turns around again to me
And the silent storm
The colour of tide we all call warm
And I see the shadow of another day
The ashes that burnt away
It’s me too
I look back again to you
Two eyes that peer
And in that moment, crystal clear
Subtle defeat
In the sound of my own heartbeat
Funny feeling that though he may not want me I am still okay
And that I can survive on the love of every day
From the plants, from the trees and nonetheless from him
For though he may deny it I know it beats within
In blood and in veins that are solid gold
But so are mine I see, though I have not been told
To look and revolutionise the vision of my palms
I am the lake, the ocean and these are my calms
No enforced stability, no discipline held high
Just the truth of a being that knows something that can’t die
And sees it in the rushing movement of the leaves
All the world is heaven to one who needs nothing to believe
And smile to myself, in a secret, silver fold
I never knew the universe was there for me to hold
In its peril and its fantasy, it’s motion and the tide
I am the evidence of the thing you’ve never tried
So sincerely honest in the feelings that maintain
That there lies beneath a sunlight that will overcome the pain
Thinking I could let go of you was just fools gold
You are who I am
And I could no more forget you
Than the sun could the stars
For she faces them eternally
Against the blackest backdrop of night
As they stretch to infinity
Tiny pin pricks of light
That signal
More of her own kind
Out there in the great beyond
It’ll just cause a fight so I don’t bring you up
It’s ten times the trouble of a dropping well love
But the money I spend isn’t worth a damn
When I can’t proclaim that you are what I am
And I want to run to you and fall into your arms
Without setting off all these fire alarms
Cause I’m an inferno and I blaze on through
There’s no way I’ll be loving anyone but you
And if you doubt me then you can read my mind
To see all the people I left behind
Cause my heart could not settle on any less than the truth
I am the target so take aim and shoot
And if a bullet should spring forth from your soul
Then hit me hard and let the rest take its toll
And I will continue to love you
Through the walls of my reverie
I don’t think you have any idea
Of the world you mean to me
You are just like the sky
Or the ocean to spread out a sea
And that look in your eyes
Smacks of infinity
And I just do not care
Where you go in your life
With whom, what you do,
If you love, take a wife
I’ll always be here by the shore
And you the one I adore
It’s not even just who you are
How can the darkness know a star
We are one you see
Before there even was a sun to be
And you’ll outshine the ages with your eternal face
It’s not what can be seen but what’s under this place
And I’ll love you
Yes I’ll love you
Like I love you now
No distance and time
Separates what’s entwined
I’ll love you
Does it matter what I say when I mean nothing to you
And is it all just for attention when I do what I do
So should I just be silent and keep my heart in check
Because when you left I found myself a wreck
And had to rebuild what you had destroyed
And understand the methods that you had employed
To do such damage to an even keel
There was an ocean that was too much to feel
But I tried and I learned to right myself once more
Although there is no way that I can put back that floor
That once held me up, so solid and so true
And decimation now is what I am to you
As I fall into the darkness, into the endless of the stars
I find that the universe has no prison bars
And everything is for my growth, everything is for my healing
And there is nothing inside that you can go stealing
So I find that in truth my love will never die
Because it does not reside in you, it resides in I
And it is ever pure and celestially soul
I find that in this moment I am incandescent whole
The universe is trying to get through to you
So don’t wipe away the innocence and give pain its due
Cause there is a reason for everything under the sun
And there really is no telling where anything is begun
Cause it is all cause and effect, an experimental design
And the fabric of the cosmos is neither yours nor mine
So live your life in truth, in alignment with the whole
Cause there is nothing else that satisfies the soul
You told me so many things
And the sad thing is I believed you
And now it’s all in rack and ruins
And I’m left to wonder
If any of it was true
But that kernel
That precious kernel
Still shines
As bright as ever
And radiates out
From the source
Of all love
And happiness
And joy
And shows me
Again and again
The wonder and splendour
Of you
Maybe I was wrong about the weather
Maybe I was wrong about the stars
Maybe I tried to map constellations
Along Earth’s isobars
And are we all just dust
A collection of particles in space
So though we both live and die
Nothing ever goes to waste
And is it all alive
Just a breathing, heaving mass
The universe is in my bones
And this too shall pass
There are days that age you
More than time ever can
Because in a moment
You see
All that you are
And are not
And you come to realise
In the revolution of a star
That the light you threw
Has gone out
And shines no longer
And then the darkness
The deep unenviable darkness
Seems all there ever is
And oblivion can never really be known
But there is an order to this universe
Amid all the chaos
That cannot be seen with human eyes
But can be felt with the heart
And points nowhere, neither up nor down
But back to the true source
Of everything
Where light and dark are merely concepts
In the power of who you are
The Poetry Book 