I’ll be the clarion call To let the demons out The things that people suffer under The fear, my dear, self doubt And they locked me up in ashes But I still was free Coz even though they do their best They can’t get the best of me
And the clock ticked, did it go back Am I getting enough of slumber And but for the men I loved I woulda been just a number In that place where the halls have eyes And everyone walks tiptoe It’s eggshells we’re treading on So that you might not know
And I had a bed and my own room It was number sixteen And I’ve been dealing with this kind of shit Since I realized the dream As I hop on a hopscotch Afraid to cross the line Is there a difference between being here And doing hard time
And I hid out in the activity room Rifling through a storm I hope they might not find me That’s how I kept the candle warm But they did and told me so There was a place to greet But I’m moving dough with my hands Can’t make it move my feet
And the third time I was in there Barry called my name He asked if he could speak to me, if it was all the same But he was laughing sideways Out of the corner of his mouth He thinks that he might have a clue As to what I’m all about And, God love him, he was precious But he set the dial to spin So I called the shots and called it off Walked out of the room with him
And, the laughter, it was breaking like a wave upon the shore I left the card on my desk so that it might love me more And my sides they’d split with Aoibhínn coz she was such a hoot She talked me out of dangerously quiet as I stood mute
And I drew an eye on the wall in the smoking room It was a lot more like freedom than it was the bells of doom And they only scrubbed it out a year later and I see There was a part of them that loved a part of me Or with a certain fondness I recall what they say It’s not the present moment but you will be okay So I crumpled up the paper and threw it in the bin Conceded defeat coz you know I cannot win
And the monuments of time will fall beneath the sea But there’s something eternal that beats the heart of me And I can’t put my finger on it or tell you what it is Only suffice to say that being born is not to live Beyond the realms of death In the halls that I vacate I think they had me wrong Coz I love the thing they hate
And summon up a showstorm In the dead of the night The sun that is within me Can’t help but be bright As all I ever am And all I’ll ever be I can’t bring myself to regret That I asked you to dance with me
I lean against her side And I’m so glad we’re both alive But I watch the clock ticking down One day we will all be gone from this town And the years that we pass Are just breath moving, it doesn’t last And I looked down a loaded gun When I thought I was the only one Standing in these pair of shoes I get up every morning and pay my dues With money I just don’t have Why do I feel so bad As I read about storms in the Russian tundra As the threads all pull asunder And the dress I made is shreds of grass One more day is all I ask Til there’s one that is no more Did you know I knocked upon your door To see would you answer it With your debonair and characteristic wit But I shiver on the step, inside it’s warm What is the reason I was born Coz I muse and I wonder and I ask why And I just don’t believe I could ever die As I look out the window, Dromod’s across the river And there was that girl and I still don’t forgive her For breaking into my house to steal Til I decked it, are you for real? And there was another who stood at my height I reach out to her, she says; “you’re alright”
He interjects and it’s circumspect Coz how could I attenuate Any of this love with hate And sure he’s a nice man But he only listens when he thinks you can Find a way to follow the line He’s wasting my space like he’s wasting my time And I’ve gotta grow up and be The writer of a new destiny Don’t have time for this pity lark And as I’m walking through the park I feel one with the grass If this is psychosis I hope it last Coz you’ve got a label But you cannot see Over the rim of your spectacle As you look at me And maybe a kundalini and the crown Might be the reason why I drown In a sea of ocean vast The emptiness and fullness pass Til I’m all or nothing but down for this And I’m in love with someone I only kiss Through the bars of Orion I don’t know, it just feels like flying Through somewhere where gravity Obeys the rules of destiny And let’s me lift off from where I am I just walk without a plan And It leads me where It’s going I look outside and the Sun is snowing
There are so many things In life that pass away Made me ask Does anything stay And I found in the dark An unbeatable light It’s shines through the veil Til everyone’s alright And it’s taking to task The body I walk Makes me speak Not merely talk And it loves and it cares But it is detached Unlocks the door Even when it’s latched It goes up and over Here and beyond Answers questions Like a dumb blonde With the smarts I looked it’s way And suddenly it starts To shine For the whole world to see Don’t you know It’s not about me But about the fabric Becoming paper thin He saw the real So I let him in
There’s a hundred million souls Hanging round this joint But somehow you’re the one My heart anoint And ignite like a signal fire In those days I never tire Of my rebound nature It’s not goodbye, it’s see you later And he passed like a comet across the sky Proclaiming that which will never die In a moment we are as One And he merged with the Son To shine a light so bright the sound goes deaf To all that is and isn’t left In the ashes that burn up into flame A phoenix by everything but name And he’s lovely and normal and sweet as pie And I just want him to see me cry To let him in through the facade The bulletproof and feeling bad To this garden where everything grows And there’s a flower here for you, God knows That’s been ten years in the making There are no tales worth the shaking The run away induced But you are here and I’ve deduced That everything will be okay Will you ever look at me that way Again And men Just remind me of us Our solid steel and unbreakable trust
I fight with my femininity It evokes love But I can’t tie myself To any of the above Only open my heart For peace to be shared Open my notebook To say that I cared And that I’m not In this quiet, tight space But dreaming of days When I touch your face Telling you all You mean to me Not closing the door So you can be free And I know that I have put out More than I take back And I have been hobbling Over what I lack But the sight of you Is like a comet true And I’m shaking just thinking Of what I would do If you were mine To have and to keep To wake up beside A good nights sleep And you’re kind and you’re awesome I’ve been keeping you away I look down at my feet Coz I don’t know what to say And you tell me I’m lovely And beautiful He left me empty Now I am full Of a joy that’s brimming Full of trust Can I come in, baby It’s a must And you look at me As if I defy The life I’m leading As some kind of lie But I just wanna be Myself again A woman in A world full of men Telling me how I should contain This heart of mine That’s broken with pain But shining with gold As I repair The parts of myself That knows you are there That knows there is kindness And there is truth More than monuments I’ve built to our youth And nobody knows Or can describe The feeling of loving Breath when you’re alive And I’m haunted by loss And the threat of death Keep living days Full of regret Coz I can’t control The passing of seasons Or people with pride And a bowl full of reasons And is it insincere To proclaim my devotion To the silence In all the commotion As I feel the movement Of a pin drop Signaling winter Or the moment to stop And take in an aside Of all we’re meant to be I didn’t know if you knew So I’m letting you see
You’re running in my blood You’re running in my veins And it’s like the man said That I am strange Coz I just can’t be awful to make a point I’m only messing, don’t knock yourself out of joint In trying to be normal and to fit in I come and go but it’s always him I return back to in the midnight Where there’s no need to ask if you’re alright Coz you are and the stars shine from your sky We’re together forever so there’s no goodbye Waiting in the wings of a terrible dawn When you wake up and realise that it’s all gone Like the boy I loved when I was seventeen But the wind escaped from a terrible dream The one I roll in like the sea When the current is demolishing me Til all and sundry is broken and beaten Like you have you’re cake but it will remain uneaten And I never got to hold his hand But the sight of him sure was grand Til the brutal tide that won’t be surpassed Came at me til I was harassed Trying to get on with half an act It’s like it was fucking awful and I can’t go back To where I was before it began And you become an also ran Til I’m knocking my head against the wall Coz I can find no silence in it all But the peace it came and kissed my face When I was an abject disgrace When nothing could save me from defeat I was run down and knocked off my feet And I try to get back up and walk It’s like telling the wind it has to talk When it can only whisper nothings on the breeze Do you know the feeling when your heart starts to seize And you’ve got nothing but ragged breath Saying to yourself there’s no regret But just one that I ever let you go And another that I never let him know The true depths of feeling that pumps a course My circuitry and the remorse
Hiding part of myself Had me holding onto mental health As the only way to steady the ground As it shakes to the sound Of white noise and light I’m one of the boys and I’m alright As I take a sip of a drink Then throw the rest of it down the sink Coz I want to keep my nerves As something that serves Me instead of fighting a war Coz both sides lose what the winnings for As the turmoil draws you in Ducks in a row like lines of sin And the winter seems to last forever But you haven’t seen the last of this endeavour As I grapple with the ghost that throws me down I’m in the ring and out of town As they all call my name I say goodbye to the chains of shame
Depression cannot stifle this Pain won’t call it quits It stands and it walks It lays down or sits But this moving beast I call my own Is a kaleidoscope Of light that’s thrown Brash across the windowpane And all the suffering is in vain Because it cannot put out the light Not even in the darkest night Not even in the furthest blue I still see colour in you And you may note the degree But it wasn’t earned by me It fell like papers from my hand An ocean in a grain of sand That is roaring with the sea You look up and it’s just me But more and further do I be Let’s rewrite future history
They’re selling an American Dream But I’m walking on a moonbeam As it guides my way home And tells me I’m not alone As I open out into the vast expanse Perceive the space as the molecules dance To make up the shape of me The frame of what is memory Held together by a subtle flaw I wonder is ice real as it starts to thaw
I’m ending the fight I have with the stars Running through fields like I’m chasing cars And the sound of you is on the breeze Like a younger me the tree frees As I’m walking through the columns and rows Letting go of the loss of anything goes And finding my steadfast in the sight Of everything in the firelight
.Reading time less than 1 minute.
The full force of the machine hit me across the skull And I’ve skin as thin as cotton wool As I try to find the deep reverb To silence noise with a word
In another life We’d be a two by two And I wouldn’t have lost in love When I tried for you And it’s all good I’ll get by I’ll love again I don’t need to try It’s just you Got under my skin And I swore I’d never Be that way with him But I let myself down Badly, it seems I kidded myself Into the man of my dreams And I must have been such a joke The tiger you casually poke With a furnace roar in her soul But unsteady as a newborn foal Do you think you could give me a break But you take and take and take And I let it all go on the breeze Please, get up off your knees I’m not down to have you beg Could you grow up instead Coz we’re two equals by the door And I found you on the shore Washed up from a shipwreck When you use the f word is it feck Cause I’m looking at the deck And it’s still slanted yet Are you bootstrap’s child I’m still a little wild And roll with the ocean You are all emotion
There's a mysterious woman in my soul
And she doesn't care how the waves may roll
She comes in nice and easy
Like a summer sea, warm and breezy
And though I try to hide her away
She comes up bubbling with what she wants to say
To decry the auspices of power
Yet not to be weak nor tremble and cower
She shines like the light that comes from the sun
But is soft as the silver moon when it is young
And all the stories you can tell yourself
Are just suppressing the abundant wealth
That grows in fertile ground in the psyche
We tremble with trouble but I dunno, might we
Ever fail to ask the question
Are we living on mere suggestion
To avoid the point we make
I offer it up for God's sake
So that He might make repair
To all that's in need of some care
And I do not forget the fallow fields
Or the way the grass grows as it yields
To a wind of superior heights
Wash me away in the firelight
There’s a blizzard brewing There’s a storm atremble And things are beyond What they used to resemble As the new earth is birthed Into consciousness Don’t go saying It doesn’t exist Just close your eyes And feel the breeze Forgiving you Get up off your knees And stand firm Stand strong, stand true As the winds are howling All around you Make your stance On a solid foundation It’s a peaceful sort of Education As you trust the silence To ever be Whispering words Of eternity In the midnight, in the dawn At the close of day I just have this feeling That it’s all okay That we’re being taken care of No matter what it seems Don’t trust in the Thin fabric of dreams But on the rock Where you plant your foot Let the rain wash away What you’re afraid of
I keep it all on lock But I can never be what I am not I click my tongue I’m impervious and I am young Til the facade cracks And I’m all lost in I can’t have you backs As the days age And I spill ink upon a page Or burn a little sage Oh, to demonstrate what I feel is true Lost in a dream of me and you Or us and them I run the film clip all over again When I stride through halls Now I renovate and knock down walls Do you love me true Coz I found myself with all of you And I can let the refrain Cancel out the years of pain Why do I hold on To what is already gone And deny what’s here The water in the lake is crystal clear As it reflects the sky Why in the world must everything die Only to be reborn I was the earth outside of the storm The solid ground As the wind twists the air into sound It reverberates Like a glacier that equates Ice with movement, don’t you know But there are places it can’t go As it meets the sea I’m more than what appears of me
Fighting with the wilderness Fighting with the rain I can feel the pain Come at me again And it’s wearing down the structures Of the egoic mind Until no one Is left behind And I clamber over bricks I clamber over walls I get lost in love And free for all’s Till it finally comes back To where it started The moment Truth Was imparted The moment it shone From the sky And I realized I never die Only transform From one state to another Or beyond them both The witness is lover To all that unfolds Gently, unique There’s a power there I could never speak Only pay tribute And testament to It resides in the heart Of both me and you
I love so much
I feel I will burst
This feeling courses
Through the very worst
Through all of the liking
And ticking the box
I find I am open
Without any locks
And it just moves its own way
In a flow, in a beat
And I find I am standing
On my own two feet
As I build on foundations
Solid as a rock
Am I okay?
Well, is the sun hot
Just like my heart
In rhythms it's own
I may not be adult
But I am grown
I believe in the sky
To conquer the weather
And there are ways
To see through forever
To make it one
Under the rain
Say you'll never go back
To that place again
But you find the door
Ready to be knocked
You don't try the handle
Coz you know it is locked
But you hope and have faith
Trust and believe
In the strength you
Have always found underneath
To sail your ship
Once more through the storm
You can't see the sun
But still it is warm
And you know and you'll be
You'll love and create
Til you open your eyes
And walk out of that state
And find the dawn
That follows dusk
It doesn't take much
Just a little trust
As you resolve and know
Revolve and be
In all of this
Your wings are free
Am I misunderstood
There was a time
They all thought I was good
And had trophies lined up
For me to wear
I stand up
And the fabric tear
Til I'm reeling in dreams
Colossal and huge
It's like I asked for rain
And there came a deluge
To bucket down
On top of me
But fuck it, it's
All I got to be
And there's no point complaining
About my share of the deal
Oceans are weather
And it's the way that I feel
To finally come home
To who I am
I move in life
Without a plan
If you want to stay the same
Then blame
If you want to grow then listen
And watch the dew drops glisten
On the snow drops in the garden you grew
You will become as good as new
And I will hold your hand
As you effortlessly expand
Yes I will rise in strength
To fill the gap when you went
I did not understand
Sometimes I have to be the man
And sometimes I am strong
In the ways I thought that I was wrong
Sometimes I’m right
And have power to ignite
A holy fury burning power
In the auspices of a tower
That I stand alone
I can be your home
Funny feeling that though he may not want me I am still okay
And that I can survive on the love of every day
From the plants, from the trees and nonetheless from him
For though he may deny it I know it beats within
In blood and in veins that are solid gold
But so are mine I see, though I have not been told
To look and revolutionise the vision of my palms
I am the lake, the ocean and these are my calms
No enforced stability, no discipline held high
Just the truth of a being that knows something that can’t die
And sees it in the rushing movement of the leaves
All the world is heaven to one who needs nothing to believe
And smile to myself, in a secret, silver fold
I never knew the universe was there for me to hold
In its peril and its fantasy, it’s motion and the tide
I am the evidence of the thing you’ve never tried
So sincerely honest in the feelings that maintain
That there lies beneath a sunlight that will overcome the pain
Depression takes everything you have, it’s a lot like death
And when it hits you you do not forget
Are forever changed, forever moved
And, dare I may say it, greatly improved
So can I be a spokesperson for the darkness within
It’s not all bad though I didn’t tell him
And I am sunlit because I know
night
Even more so than that, I know something is right
Cause they are both just opposing sides of a coin
Lesser and greater eventually join
Into one river that leads to the sea
I am so proud of who I’ve come to be
I feel mountainous when speaking to you
When you try to help me to talk it through
I just smile at your innocentness
To think you could undo the cause of my distress
Like you could unmake the blue of the sky
Like you could raise eyes and make them un-die
But what is seen can never be taken back
So for now, I’ll be the man in black
Til all of the colours bleed into the sink
I will be the absence that makes you think
And skip a beat when you see my peace
Fearless in the face of what will decease
Because this world is just building on snow
I am of another and that’s where I go
So don’t pity the rook that sits in the tree
Wild things have wings and know how to be free
Accepting their fate on the breeze as it comes
It called for me and I have succumbed
Don’t worry your mind into the grey
I was born to be this way
No, there’s nothing wrong as far as I can see
So thank you but I’ll pass on what you offer me
And you may never understand
But there’s a design consciousness has planned
I have grown to compassionately embrace
The canvas collection fear will deface
But love will multiply whatever you give her
You can’t blame the rocks for shaping the river
The Poetry Book 