Conflicting Feelings

Am I the Jolene of the story
As he implored me
To just let him be
And I feel a rankling in my dignity
Why would he take this story down
As if it would destroy his town
And I have no beef with his girl
But I had to tell him that the world
Revolves around his sun of stars
And I was chasing cars
Around my head in my room
When I was fifteen and kissed the doom
As it met you there
And I know you care
But I rip the page from the typewriter
Because my friend said I would have to fight her
To get to you
And it’s not something I’ve a mind to do
I just wanted you to know
That I have not let go

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Deliberations And Hesitation

Are you a narcissist, I think I'd love you anyway
And I've had my truck with one before you came my way
And she goddamned broke my heart with her remarks
And I lived for two months in the complete dark
With no hope of light
But I said that it's alright
Because she is out of my life
Now I just want to be his wife
And I see the familiar pattern
Like I am coming at him
When I just say how I feel
And I wonder if this is real
Because I'm just sitting by his side
With no way to hide
Anything that is inside
And I hear in the years that have moved on
His memory of me is almost gone
And that he has got a girl
At least he tells me that in his world
I am shy of the ceiling
And there's no way he can be dealing
With my kind of shit
But I just keep talking it
Though I fail to say the words I mean
You are my fucking dream
You are my love and my heart
And I just want to take part
In your life
Does lightning strike twice?
Or does love just make the ground
A place that can hold the sound
Of the thunder as it rolls
Something entwines our two souls

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The Fawn

The fawn is always yawning out her insides
I swear you could set your clock by the way that she abides
By the steady midnight tock
Of the stories that she keeps on lock
And I’ve decided to just drop out of her sphere
Because chains, bells and whistles when she is near
And she never listens and she never hears
She is the iceberg as my ship steers
Unto it’s own direction
And it’s as if love is just a selection
That we make
I know you call the boys and girls fake
When they do not measure up
To the talisman of our love
And I keep it held in my heart
But you wouldn’t know if you tear it apart
Just to find out what is there
It’s like asking a brain to care
After a person is dead
What is it that you said
You don’t have time
That might have been a good line
If it had been true
But, man, I just don’t believe you
Not when you’re rocking back and forth
On the chair on our porch
When we’re both eighty two
No Bambi can take me away from you

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The Mute And The Foal

It’s impossible to stay angry at you
When you flick that gaze at me
And I swore that it would be us
For eternity
But the dials switched and changed
The atoms rearranged
And it seemed like our history
Would stay in the past
Like me getting all those A’s in class
And they called me names
Like all I am is brains
And Deirdre, she cut me down
Made me wanna run clear outta that town
And she would pick away at me
Til I had enough and infinity
Isn’t far enough to be away from her
Even though I mourn what we were
And I know her depths go unknown
And some of them were shown
To me too
And there were parts that were true
But the lies they perforate
And before I know it it’s that date
Again
And men
Seem like my only salvation
As I make x and y balance the equation
And I thought I had struck gold
In the ground or at the end of the rainbow
You turned out to be the same as her though
It was all shits and giggles
But the next thing the girl wriggles
And you’re gone
And I say so long
To all that I thought you were
Enjoy the business you have with her
I’m sure it’s mighty fine
But just don’t try to waste my time
Saying you’re my friend
When I only ever saw the end
Of what you were trying to sell
And I wish you both well
But I’m not gonna gallop that pony
And I could be wrong but you’re full of baloney

Death And Poetry

Death comes to take everything I love
And I lose the glove
I wore when I was younger and blue
And it was all I could do to hold onto you
But I had to let you go your own way
Because there’s nothing that I can say
To stem the tide
Of that which cannot abide
In the tome of fate
I never gave in to hate
But I couldn’t hold the love you carry
And the boy I want to marry
I ran him off
Because I couldn’t pay the cost
That it would require
And now the whole world is on fire
With the hate that burns
As the aching turns
It on its axis and spin
And once I was with him
But things change and so did he
So I let go and now I’m free

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A Starship Far Away

Somehow there is a starship far away
And it is hidden in every day
In the midst of meals and courses
In the midst of screaming fights, divorces
And I call that love, it’s a futile road
To ever carry that heavy load
They call life
And every wife
Knows the weight
Of hiding in her husbands hate
As he trudges through the snow
Pretending he is in the know
And I’m taking apart an institution
Because it is in my constitution
And I always wanted to be a newly wed
So I could share somebody’s bed
But that dream has faded
And I’m jaded
At thirty three
Like I swore I’d never be
I’d follow every dream to its resolution
But now it seems the only solution
Is to let it go
And rest and know
That every cloud has its silver lining
And I’m one who is undefining
What it means to be woman and grown
I plunge into the unknown
And come out smelling of roses
I didn’t realise that I chose this
Over a life of steady familiarity
Rooted in the ground like a deep tree
So steady in its being
But there’s something else I’m seeing
In the mists of time
It’s you and I and we are fine
Just as we are
Behind every black hole is a hidden star

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It’s Not My Fault

I watch it fly into the sky
And, you know, everyone cry
But not everyone wakes while they live
It happens when you forgive
That girl who took a lightning strike
And aimed it at me but, like,
I turn it into some kind of illumination
And now every tv station
Plays my tune
Like I’m the only one in the room
And I meet someone I would like
To meet in the dead in the night
Sneaking out into the grass
I didn’t think our love would last
But it’s been fifteen years
And we’ve weathered rain clouds emptied of tears
As they fall on us
And I trust
Him to do just what he craves
But he’s the Superman who saves
Me from the boring grey
He is like a sun ray
That sets all the colours a throb
And I give him what he wants to rob
From me
And dignity
Won’t keep this secret quiet
It’s always been a riot
In that avenue
And his blue
Offsets my red
Til we’re white light in bed
Making one with the serene
This is beyond the dream
And they say twin flames reside
In the place where duality hides
Its face from something so pure
He’s what I bank on and I know for sure
That we’ll always be eternal prose
And he might be the one who chose
Me, but on my side
I’m just glad he’s alive
In this incarnation
And my education
Taught me to always say no
But with him I’m like, let’s go
And get on with the show
You claim to make
But I’ll be no oven to bake
Some buns for the eating
I gotta be the one you’re keeping
For forever in a sigh
Our love will never die

Intimacy

Is it futile to spill my words on paper
In the hope I’ll get famous
And you’ll see them later
And reconnect with me
It’s been an age since I set you free
But you still mean so much and history
Lives in my soul
Somewhere you will not grow old
But I can’t be held by a line
But is it me who’s drawn it all this time
And I’d wink at you and smile
Do you wanna come with me for a while
Just a season or two
We’re making love
Not making new
Bodies to fill this earth
And be consumed by the hurt
That seems to issue from the core
But I just love you more
With all the time that’s passed
Did you doubt this would last?

Coz You Loved Taylor Swift

You said hello
Then okay bye
And there's something about your soul 
That makes me want to cry
Coz you're perfect, you're sincere
But you falter the web when I come near
And you're soft to the touch
And you're easy, then strong
And you look at me like I
Could do no wrong
But I snuck a peak
Into the deepest part of you
And I let you in 
Coz you wanted me to
And all of the fabrications can't make this a lie
That we both wake up when the life tries to die
On us in this subterfuge
Do you take refuge
In her sudden storm
Does she do more than keep the bed warm 
And I ain't jealous, I'm just missing out
And you kind of hit the nail on the head of my doubt
When you said "tell your folks"
This couldn't be one of your jokes
That you just play on me
You're withering and it takes time to see
That the cavalcade is just there to test
And I am not bigger and brighter than the rest
I'm just the puzzle piece to your thaw
And you run the scene like you're an outlaw
As we both find solace in what can't be contained
A sky full of clouds and then it rained

The Flame and the Letting Go

Suffering means I love you more
And I’m always banging on your front door
To see will you let me in
And you just remind me of him
His casual ways, his beautiful dance
His chest, the rest and his hands
As they fold themselves into mine
It is the cessation of time
As in the moment held forever
Is the faith of a new endeavor
As it opens out to sky
I love you and I don’t know why
Only the beauty to burst through
The diagrams I see in you
And in all that’s sad and lonely
I’m wondering why you don’t phone me
When we left it on so bad a note
And there are pages that I quote
Which makes up the dream of us
The magnitude, the waves, the trust
In all that we can’t imbue
I’m waiting for what you might do
With your love, the sea, the stars
The way you melt those prison bars
Down into metal ore
I know you better than I did before
But you are untouchable, unattainable
The clouds are grey, the day raining and dull
And you’re just some other where
I keep looking, you’re not there
And you may have another chick
And I the page that you flip
But anyway, bitterness won’t get me far
Not when you’re written on my heart
And I feel this seething for all we were
And the fact that I’m not her
And I know it’s selfish and self absorbed
I should just take you at your word
When you say you’re happy there
That you’ve found love and true care
But I’m gnawing at the edges and all the seams
I still see you in my dreams
Sometimes you’re mine, more you’re not
I’d write them down but I forgot
Exactly what they had to say
Some kind of I’m not going away
But everything does
All that is is a remnant of what was
And I fight the tide
But the waves crash and abide
In the place they’ve always been
There is the dimension of the seen
Then other ones
Diagonals and come undones
Would you marry me?
So that the bird could be set free
But I’m letting go
Of all I thought that I know
To find a new shore
Worship all I adore
As it comes in close
Would you haunt me like a Holy Ghost?

My…..

The stars cross themselves
Like a holy prayer
And I know it’s the past
But you are there
And there’s summer in my bones
As the rubble topples homes
Like the foundation of Hill 16
And loving him was the dream
As we both match
Our patchwork scars
And I’m walking home
As you’re chasing cars
With bubbles in your chest
Don’t you know that I love you best
Though you’re sitting with her
Does she know what we were
And still are
I’ve no wish to be on par
I just want the truth to shine
Let it be known that I call you mine

Sensuality

I guess I just couldn’t be myself
Because of the wealth
Of rules and strictures
And there’s all these guys taking pictures
And you can’t trust
Something when it’s based in lust
There’s gotta be something more
But when you look at me I adore
Myself reflected in your eyes
And in your aura there’s no disguise
You see right through
To what I didn’t mean to show you
Or anyone
But the sun
Just shone
And then you were gone
And I grasped air
In the place where you were there
Til I found you again
And I swear off all men
But your soul pulls the floor
And I unslam the door
And let you back in
If I’m a competitor can I let you win
Coz I don’t wanna lose
The point I came here to prove
That you’re the best thing I never had
And my good is so bad
When you contemplate the style
But I’ll keep you on file
And flick through the memory scene
Do you wanna make the dream
Real and true
Oh God, what I would do with you! 😉

Sewing My Thread

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I looked out the window
I watched for the tide
With news from the sea
That you might be alive
And I can't preempt destiny
Or run with the wolves
I've just got this awesome 
And hot damn it pulls
Me like a thread
Through a needle eye
I just wait for news
And hope you don't die
Somewhere afar
Where I can't reach you
Life said, love, listen
And let the truth teach you
Coz I can't be a summer
When winter has dawned
I can't be the clock face
That someone has pawned
For gold or money
Or just getting by
I know life is hard
But I've gotta try
To find the flow
That runs a river
I know I've been gone
But could you forgive her
For the fear in her blood
It runs in her veins
And it's not easy 
To erase the stains
That come from a life
Of denying truth
It's almost too much
The paragon of youth
As I finally come round
The smelling salts
Wake me and take me 
As my nose assaults
My senses with something 
That's meant to rouse
I don't mean to disappoint
I want to make you proud

Dreamboat Disguised

Deep in disguise 
I wade through the water
You somebody’s son
I’m the moon’s daughter
And I slip sideways
Out of the scene
You were the best part
Of my dream
And I watched you watch me
You took my pic
You grabbed the towel
And the gear stick
Shook in my hand
Said goodbye to Sam
You said he’ll be grand
And I drove you home
It was just the two of us
All alone
And you stopped to stare
I stopped the car
And met you there
And I wonder if I’ll ever see
You looking again like that at me
As I shared on a screen
Some kind of light show
I’d tell you the truth
If you want me to, you know
All the love in my heart
And you were a rouge kind of dark
As you let the wilderness consume
I watch you from across the room

Where To Start

He writes songs about the chad
And the Irish way of feeling bad
About it
But you couldn’t doubt it
When it’s falling from his lips
And it is an eclipse
From the depths of blue rivers run
There’s no way of seeing the sun
Not when he’s got a song
And I’ve gotta say there’s nothing wrong
With all I’ve grown up to be
It’s only now I’m starting to see
The landscape hidden from view
Thanks for sharing your vista
And I know I could’ve missed ya
But I just saw the sea
Rising up from the wintery
Snow that you’ve been freezing in
Abjectly shivering
But put your hands to the blaze
It’s a fire that’s learned to save

Sweet Guy

The guy in the line was really sweet
And I wonder about fate and how we meet
Under the sky of a new sun
And anybody could be the one
With your jet black hair and stolen eyes
The way you say there are no lies
And I’ve always been one of the guys
But love takes my hand to my own surprise
As I revel in misery and the grief
Of losing all that I invest belief
In now the times are dual
But Advaita is beyond the rule
Of anything that dare contain
Can you learn to love the pain

Poems About You

I can’t just keep writing poems about you
Not when the Real is here
And you never seem
To reply to me, dear
And the sidelines are awash
With all the fragrant flames
Knocking down the obstacles
And taking names
And you showed me your true colours
Like a multi hued sky
And I was not afraid
To either live or die
But only meet the honest
That is shining in your eyes
I think I might have seen you
Without your best disguise

Second Guess

You’re in the past
But the feeling’s still present
I wonder if I could
Knock on your door guessing
Wondering
If you’d let me in
And I would explain
Everything about him
That it was momentary
A flash in the pan
But you are everything
That I am
And I’d pause and then say
Wait for you to reply
Hope we could be close
Before we both die
Coz life is so brief
It’s barely a flicker
I ran after you
Your steps just got quicker
Til you slowed yourself down
To the sound of my voice
Say, I didn’t know
That there was a choice
And look at me
In a sort of awe
I’m sorry I’m lovely
And kind of outlaw
And you take forever
Just to answer
Say, I took you for love
Not a dancer
And I beg you to listen
With the words that I say
It’s just I’ve never been heard
In quite that way
And the silence is deafening
But so is the noise
And I’ve been all about men
And one of the boys
But you take time
To really know me
I give you space
As we walk so slowly
Into a garden
That none suspect
I thought our love
And the whole thing was wrecked
But you say it’s not
And you press my pulse
Into my wrist
As the lightning dulls
The terrifying pain
Of being right here
And not knowing what
To say to you, my dear
But there is just an always
In between us it resides
And my heart’s the kind of thing
That simply abides
In the summer, in the winter
Trundling through the snow
I loved you so much
I let you go
But if you really
Want to be right here
Then I am waiting
For you, my dear
The doors unlocked
And you have a key
So no need to go
Second guessing me
No need to go drawing
A line in the sand
Just look into my eyes
And hold my hand
And feel my heart
Beating tremor
It’s just like you’ve
Found true love forever

Love and a Fire Sign

Love, 
Is at its most powerful
When open doors
Meet it
At every shore
And I've been scared
Of my wild heart
Which pulls me 
All apart
When I
Don't know
What I'm doing 
Anymore
It makes my spirit soar
And takes my hand
Tells me that it will be grand
In country tones
Or Dublin when he's on the phone
Batting lashes
And I phoenix from the ashes
To blaze anew
A fire sign just for you
And interestingly
You just sigh
Tell me a feigned goodbye
Coz I know
You wanna hear more
And I can count
The numbers that you score
With your perfect tune
And movement when
Nobody's in the room
Could I hold out a hand
Would you catch it
Would you be my man
And let the drifting go
I see you where you are, you know
And love you as you be
There's no monstrosity to see
But pulverised
From all your shaking
You're in the room
My boots are quaking 
But I stay 
Please tell me you love me that way
In a summertime share
Or an I know that you care
More than you let on
It's not gone 
But eternal here
I love you always, my dear 

Ended Up In Hillstreet Again

I’ve somehow ended up in Hillstreet again
Searching for you amongst the men
It’s like following the paths of the birds
I’m looking for directions but they’re all words
And I’m driving down roads I don’t understand
They meander through ways I didn’t have planned
And it’s ancient and advanced and something so serene
Do you think the tapestry is just a dream
As we paint with the colour we find
And all our problems we leave behind
And it’s nothing new to say that you
Starred in a role you didn’t want to
But could it have been for anyone else
I know that you say I’m wasting my wealth
Singing up to windows like yours
But your love opens doors
Into a new refrain
One without the well of pain
And I sigh
This isn’t goodbye
Just a see you soon
What would we do if we had a room
To get locked into
You know I didn’t choose any but you
As the blinds filter light
But I’m following something that’s more than worth the fight
In Autumn air
And the sound of you just being there
And I’m in my car
Wondering where on earth you are
And if you ever think
Of that night you bought me a drink
Then laughed at the good
Of our bobbing for apples the way that we would
Have done if no one was there
And I’m watching you watching me stare
In the hallway or din
Is there any replica of him
Or am I forever bound
To go deaf to the sound
Of the calling of Christ
As He asserts Himself in my life
As a myriad of form
I touched your skin and it was warm
Against mine
I love you always for all of time

The Depth of Darragh’s Eyes

The depth of Darragh’s eyes
Leave no room for disguise
As I walk down a hallowed hall
He looks at me and it’s it all 
And it has been years since I 
Ever watched him try
To impress me with a smile
I loved him once, all the while
And he said something soft
So, I hold it aloft
In all the caverns I walk into 
There’s something fresh, there’s something new
And is it wrong to use your name
To wonder if you feel the same
Because it’s been time
But there’s a part of you that is still mine
As we roamed the corridors
Looking for something more’s
And everything was all in one
You shine like the only sun
In the sky to conflagrate
I think you’ll pulled me out of state
To drag me down another line
Now we’re kissing and doing time
For what we can’t see
He looked up and it was me
Lying in the top bunk
Trying to cover up my junk 
As I see through my hair
The effervescence there 
And the million acres
Of the words that have littered papers
To pay testament to 
The joy I feel when I think of you
Do you think that I 
Could give forever another try
Of wishing long
And you’re always strong
But weak at the centre
It is the place you let me enter
And sing a song
As we belong
Together to find our love
Somewhere looking down from above
And those other guys
May give in to futile tries
And white lies 
But I 
Would never do that to you
I ran because I was scared to
Commit to something I don’t know
But when you leave, I watch you go
With sorrow in my hands
Because you used to own these lands
For a time or two
And I could never understand why you
Walked away
The day
After the night before
When I proved I loved you more
Than the other girls, I followed you down the street
It was like the first time people meet
As you said my name
And I know it’s not the same
As I guide you back
Drunk to where there is no lack 
Because you never know
You could get lost in the snow 
If you’re not aware
Of how I’m absolutely there
Would you see if you read my heart
That there is a little part
Reserved for you always
Don’t matter what the crowd says
I still see it in you, and majesty 
I gave it to you free
To know and to have and to hold
There’s part of us not growing old
And I could let you in
If you’re not afraid to begin
To love the light
I’m more than darkness in the night
I’m a summer storm
And I would keep you warm
Like the smoothest cloud
I just want to shout out loud
How I feel
It is the real deal 
And I’m not playing around
So if you hear my silent sound
Then know
That I left but I didn’t go
Anywhere
But where I was already there
And if there is a place reserved
For me, then, a little unnerved
I could say lets go
I never forgot, you know
And I would hold your hand through days
And multicolour manifold ways
If you could trust 
In all that I say will not rust 
And I move with the tide
But I come back to the place to abide
And find you by the shore
You could be something I adore
And what’s more 
There’s plenty in store
To haphazard and butterfly
But people like you never die
Only get more real
With everything you let them feel
Can you be a sport
And give me something to report
On the western front 
It’s not a stunt
To say that I 
Am loving you always and I try
To let you see
But I don’t know what there is of me 
To love and have and hold 
I’m just a story that’s never been told
And I sang my soul to a heart
But you and I are not apart 
But one
If you like I’ll come undone
And let you in 
And you could be just like him
In the seasons change
And the acting strange
Is it okay
If there’s more left to say
Than all I know 
I just can’t let you go 
But see
This is here eternally
And for you 
I took a picture so it would do 
To hold you when you are not near 
I think it’s becoming crystal clear 
That what you said is true
Friends don’t look at each other like that, do you
See me with other guys
I see you on the fly
With some cool chick 
And I just sip 
My drink so cool 
I wish I knew you in school
But I can’t complain
I did not love you in vain
But in summertime 
When the winter was mine
And I picked you up 
In a car that I love
And you starred that sky with the look on your face
There’s no way time can erase 
That moment true
Do you think I could hold it, do you
Still feel that way
At least some days 
When the spring is in your bones
And you’re not too far from home
I wonder do you
Ever cacophony too 
To the sound of heat
And matching up the head to feet
I’m a little shy
But I have to try 
To let you see
That you mean the world to me 
And I ain’t playing 
I’m just saying
There’s a wonder dream here
You, to me, are so very dear
And it’s crystal clear
That I’ve come very close to near
To saying that I love you well
It’s deep and true and I will tell
You, now that I know myself 
I can’t picture you with anyone else 
In the sky 
Would it be a lie
To let you in 
And so let fate and trust begin 
I’m feeling soul
At the ocean as the waves roll
To the time of me 
You’re a heartbeat that set me free
And I still prose
For the life incandescent chose
To run with the wolves 
And the longing pulls
Me back to where you are 
Did tomorrow ever get you far
As I like your status 
Like it really matters
Coz it does to me 
You’re beautiful eternally

The Stars We Face

That he might be under the same sky
Thinking of me
Makes the ocean of waves
Roar with the sea
And I’ve got fire
And tenacity
But there are forests of green
I’ve yet to be
And he’s cool as a breeze
And warm as the air
Coming up from the Azores
Without a care
And what do you think
This planet would be
If it wasn’t populated
By humanity
Could you walk without fear
Roam without a care
I only know pride
Because he is there
And I only know windows
Coz I’ve looked so long
Into the spaces
Where he seems to be gone
And all of the avenues
All the winding paths
Just seem to keep leading me
The same way back
To his doorstep
At the edge of the woods
I can say that I’m here
This time for good
And the wind it howls
And pulls at my dress
But there’s something right here
I’ve got to confess
That I love you always
Unconditionally true
And I’m only ever wishing
The best for you
But it seems times have changed
And the world’s turned around
And maybe you’re listening
To my kind of sound
As it plays on the radio
Frequency waves
And there’s something about
A hero who saves
Me from the lies
With a single glance
We’re in the car park
But do you want to dance
Would you take my hand
Do I regret that tome
Where I wandered wilderness
All alone
Only to find
Your hand in mine
You are for always
Always for all time