Is to be mother just to gain an experience Nothing to do with the child But a biological urging that has run wild And we’re watching little ones bleed to death On a screen but we forget As we bring new babies to this earth That they are capable of feeling hurt And I am reminded of a promise I made Before the sun put me in the shade That I would never fall to the fallow field That only knows how to yield To a power greater than it Fertile ground that only ever sit In the seed to germinate So he asks the girl on a date And it may be for the masses, it isn’t for me But I love them so much and they do not see As the mattress bows and the bodies writhe But they’re ashamed and so they hide Their lovemaking under the covers Because they should never be lovers According to modern society You must do it in the dark or someone will see And you’ll go to hell (or something like that) But I took the baseball bat And smashed that particular window Because I don’t believe it’s a sin, though There is shame and there is expense When you do it outside the present tense And I may be tantric and I may be yogi But I don’t walk with someone that doesn’t know me In the depths, not surface tension And the only way to make an extension Is to know just who you are But when I saw that boy I saw the star Burning in his heart and soul I was just eighteen years old And he six months my junior But still 1990 so acceptable sooner Than I would have liked And my courage spiked As we sat next to each other As though the apple had fallen into the hands of a lover And we both took a bite But it is alright Fifteen and a half years later Though there is a crater Left by that meteor strike I just thought you should know I like You in that way Though what is it that you say You don’t got time Well, here I have plenty, take some of mine
Death stalks even the most fertile of land I would go as far as to say you can only understand Life if you’ve had a little loss Not just make up and candy floss To keep yourself looking young And your song is sung When you’re eight one And looking in the mirror That girl you once were, do you hear her “She was a good age”, that’s what they say But I still blame God for taking you away Just a little too soon And I’m in the room And I’m crying, screaming And if I am only dreaming Then why does it hurt so much Why does it feel that all the love I’ve ever had has departed No second chances, only heavy hearted Ways and means And moonbeams Sing to me of you Something about white light and what it can do To free a soul I know you were old And I was twenty nine And I should be fine But I’m not So I take the last shot That has ever been fired And I only fall asleep when I’m tired From all the crying and wailing against What God whispers to me is heaven sent And she never had to experience covid or crisis Had angels around her when she shut her eyelids And it’s selfish but the pain Is the only thing that remain In me for you Because all the blue Of the sky has absorbed you in And maybe now you are with him Somewhere in the serene And seventeen Is come again When you lose someone, a really good friend But you find yourself among the debris And if anyone is looking for me You should let them know That I always follow where you go And into the mystic, into the free I’m still here but something has left me Like a bomb shattered house that loses its frame Like a sage who goes by a different name Like the winter that bursts into spring Like waking up to everything
There’s a dead in her eyes That nothing can disguise But it always lit up when she looked at me Didn’t think that I would ever be The reason why the curtains close As she follows me down the road To nowhereland And it’s all sand That just gathers at my feet An hourglass when we meet Somewhere in between And if it’s all a dream Then why are we crying Over the people that are dying Left right and centre And so I enter The hallowed halls Of the people who can walk through walls And the longing calls Me to let go of the line That had me doing hard time In a crater not of my making And all the people that I’m forsaking When I take that pill And it will kill If I keep on keeping on So I have to get gone And on the road Her carriage slowed Just to take a look at me And she never sees the free I’ve come to be Only ever the apparent chains The sunlight reflects upon when it rains And who gains When everything is lost Don’t we all just pay the cost For the brutal tide That means we are alive Because we can feel Everything that’s real And vital and true And just because the colour blue Is sad and lonely Doesn’t mean you can’t phone me Anytime you want I change the font To match my mood Meanwhile you just sit and brood Over a perceived slight But you are alright Aren’t you, aren’t you I daren’t ask lest it be true That the fields are green far past the slide Of what it means to be alive And they click go on the PowerPoint And I never want to leave the oint- Ment powder red What goes on inside a person’s head Is the least of what they are I look up and see that star Shining over my crucifixion My errant ways and my eviction From the stable then I just don’t want to go through that again Not for even the best of men So I take what they offer And the coffer Is full But my skin’s as thin as cotton wool They use to mask Everything they cannot ask Me now the ship has sailed The chain linked fence and I impaled Over the least of crimes My only solace in these rhymes That never lead to the sea What is it that you are asking of me Once more, arís Some Celtic chieftain once had a feast But she wasn’t invited And so the war ignited The gunpowder flame That only ever lands upon a name
Dead bodies and machine gun eyes I think they believe the lies That they are fed And when they lie in bed They must stop the truth from reaching them And life must be teaching them How to bear the weight they’ve been gifted I sweat in my jumper that’s been thrifted From some nearby store And I just wanted to change it more But how do you compete with belief And you just feel relief When it falls away from you It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what to do What matters is that you’re wiling to be led Not blind opposition to what’s being said And I watch Ben Gvir shout his refrain Does he even know the pain He’s in and so inflicts They say that some day wars will be fought with sticks After we’ve destroyed ourselves Why do you put them in cells If they are brother and sister tide Please leave the Palestinians alive You’ve done enough And, God knows, it wasn’t out of love It was to feed that old demon That’s always dreaming He will rule the world And what does it matter what says this girl Who is just a child of Irish rain And our own kind of particular pain As we live on the land Our ancestors once couldn’t understand As it was stolen from beneath them Until someone bequeath them Their own patch of ground And do you hear the sound Of the child cry Why must I be the one to let her die?
Meeting Joe Black was the end of my life The birth of the Son and the last of the wife That had ever been in my veins I dried my eyes on sleeves that are tear stained And he looked so soft and serene Til he tore through my dream With a knife and an attitude Coz he was a really cool dude And he had a point to prove He could never lose To a girl Coz the world Only ever appreciates A woman for who she dates And she’s chosen you And now you don’t know what to do So you just set a fire And I tire Of this leadránach So I leave you for the shock Of your life I won’t say it twice As I give you every chance To ask me to the dance And when you don’t Well I won’t Stick around To be the sound You love to hear But only when no one else is near And you can hide Behind the facade you hate inside Because all you ever do Is hop scotch between the lines that you want to Really cross But all is not lost Maybe someday your light Will meet it’s own Jean White
I want him so bad that it literally hurts And as time’s going on it’s only getting worse As he comes and goes, close then far Says he’s born from the farthest star And I hold out Coz I’ve got that doubt Is he the man I want to marry Does he see me as an equal or just someone to carry His child somewhere in the future And I had a wound but he was the suture That tied it up and kept it in Healed my soul with that irreverent grin And his eyes dart to and fro I wonder where his mind would go If he could read mine I know I shine And I’m a gem in the dark It’s just you sorta hit the mark Right on the head And I know you want me in your bed As you tell me lies Think I buy the disguise You’re selling with the full of your heart Is it just because you want a part Of me for your own To impress upon me what could be known With your help And is there anyone else In this whole scene That could wake me, then take me from the dream And you’re shy in a certain way Not in the usual bashful sway But in a kind of sensitivity When you tell the truth and then look at me As though I would judge and turn you out But instead I want to kiss your mouth Coz this is more than intimacy When I trust in what you’re saying to me And it didn’t break It’s just I wake From a slumber that was self induced Startled by what you produced In your ardent soul Do you think we could make our parts whole If we just dropped the pretence I think that my defence Is the thing that separates Me from men I’d love to date And that barrier Between what we were Fell right on through And even though I seem distant from you Nothing’s changed I love guys that are sort of strange
We watch it unfold before our eyes Another day, another Palestinian dies And their culture is erased like it has no meaning And the people are not dreaming Because it’s no nightmare But a reality that would scare The most stoic into submission I don’t need anyone’s permission To say what I feel to be true The end of the genocide starts with you And I, as we raise a voice to lift the blockade So that the only shade The children know is that of a tree Palestine is forever free No matter the walls and doors Checkpoints and bombed out floors But a spirit nothing can kill If I know anything it’s that Love never will Ever be defeated And my courage has not retreated Far enough that I will not say I can see another way For the tide to beat the shore You are not alone, mo stór
One avenue I remember you had a sly eye And I toyed with the idea Of you being my guy And you were sweet And gave me strength I don’t remember Where the self consciousness went As you look at me I can see the stars Cave Like all my prison bars And I wonder where you be And how you are Remember the night I picked you up in my car And you looked so jazzed And I felt so fly I’m in love And I don’t know why And you stared in my eyes When I dropped you off I hope we’re still friends And all is not lost And I wonder if I could Kick back with you I dunno if you Still want me to That I could be your Jess Is this too cringey You bought me a drink Was I too stingy With my affection As we open our hearts There was no ending So the magic starts And the years roll by Like a filofax And you told me To relax As I worried A frayed line of thread Leave me thinking Of you instead And I wonder what You would say if you Knew all That I’ve been through Would it mar the image You seem to have of me You always seem to Just give it to me free As we laugh The bursting joy Saw you turn Man from a boy And I always clicked So you would know that I Hold you close Somewhere that can never die And I wonder if you Have a woman now And if there’s still Space for me somehow Coz I want you to know It’s more than a crush And I know it’s been a decade But we don’t have to rush Just find our way What do you say Could we vibe Like back in the day And if I look to you Would you look away Coz I really Want you to stay And make a fortress That can’t be stormed Keep a place So the bed is warmed As I hold your arm And we kiss I should be glad You gave me something to miss In your forest pure And your deep brown eyes You kind of know my heart And it’s no surprise That you had it all Planned out in your mind And I didn’t mean To leave you behind It’s just days were dark And I scared myself With the storms in A teacup I spilt as I knelt And you were so casual And so on fire You took my hand And lifted me higher And I haven’t forgotten The good you do I just don’t know What to say to you Coz I love you with The full of my heart And I want to close The gap that keeps us apart And I’d call your name Across the expanse If I thought that you Would be down to dance And kiss like you Are still in the club You have all I am In your arms, love And I’d love To be your equal If I’ve written a history Would you be the sequel To a place Where all is calm Is our distance Just a false alarm That can be quieted By your soothing breath You’ve gotta know It’s not over yet And I hold you In a place so dear No matter the clouds The sky is clear
They still end up married No matter what I do Coz I couldn’t stop What he wanted to Do in the dead of the night But not with me, I hope that’s alright And he may have lost me forever But he’s not sad enough to not wed her And she’s another girl With big hair and a curl To frame a face that stares at you In happiness and something true And I look at her and wish it was me But my gift was to set you free So you could run a length of rope And begin to hope In a new sky But I just dropped in to say hi In case you forget that I exist Even if I’m not something that you missed In the years that built The house you may have willed Into form Six months before you were born
I can’t make you here now I can only allow Life to make its way to me And set you free From the shackles you chain Around yourself like acid rain That just burns its way through And if there’s anything we can do It’s to hold the might Of the fuel for our fancy in the candlelight As everyone tries to blow it out And my mouth Reaches to you So I could breathe my love into The lungs that you use To abuse The air that turns into words Because they all go unheard By the great weight of swim I don’t know why I liked him I just did and it gripped hold of my soul My sister says I should just roll In the sea for a century And turn into what she’s made of me All sticks and stones And brittle bones She loves to break And I should forsake My soul for proprietary But my heart just won’t let me It bashes me up against the wall Then throws me over a waterfall Til I’m all worn out and in confusion My brain is heavy with all the bruising It has taken And then I waken And look up into his eyes And know a love that never dies Again I thought I had given up on men
I try not to feel it Will time heal it If I just let it burn But the world just turn And they grasp my arms Tell me they’re keeping me safe from harm And I feel the burning within It all came from him As I can barely hold on To what is long gone And who I am craves for his flesh The terror to think he might regret Ever knowing me I cry on the phone, the tears are flowing from me As he grits his teeth and his tongue clicks And one of his best friends says he can be a dick And I just think of that Taylor Swift song What if I was wrong And you never loved anything And the ring I thought I would wear Is just part of the dress that would tear As she wears it down the aisle And I watch you smile Right into the face of your demise But there’s death in your eyes And it’s something I cannot avoid It’s not like just loving one of the boys It brings me to the brink of surrender And a day that you “barely remember” And I wonder if the gaslit anthem plays Or if there’s any truth in what he says When he says that I am beyond the pale Is it just that I am not up for sale That gets under his skin And he was flush with the cash but I wanted him Not the dollars he owes To the person whose garden he sows With seeds aplenty But I look at him and his face is empty Devoid of all emotion And the commotion Gets too loud So I let the borrowed fools crowd Around me and operate On the person who just wants a date Sometime in April, coz it’s just the right air It would be great if you could meet me there If she lets you slip away Out of her grasp and the break of day Sounds a new dawn If you look to me you will see what was never gone Only unobserved I gave you my word
Manifesting Andy, I try to look the other way And pretend I cannot say What is the fire inside of me Is there another way for me to be And it caused me physical pain When I first heard your name It was when I was carted off to the mental So much more than words in central Dublin and they said I needed to be there As ambivalent as a girl without a care When she was interrupted And have we fucked it Up In the name of love And it all comes around to the scene The way that it could wake my dreams The loins that long The moment you belong When you’re with someone And you can see your son And daughter running around And they’re not even born and you hear the sound Of their peeling bells of laughter Just like their father As you sit by his side How do I hide I have the whole future planned out And I’m afraid my doubt Will kill what we are We may have all been forged within a star But we are black hole bound I know oblivion when I hear the sound Of your mystery ring Would you give me one if I gave you everything And you just sigh and look away So I leave it for another day
Is it wrong I don’t want to “have kids” And I reject the idea of being his Because I don’t want to be owned Always revelling in the unknown And my sister thinks it’s the only way But I have learned that what she say Is only an expression of how she sees And it’s not up to me to believe In something I don’t want Forty two and the haunt Eating up my heart and soul And is it Jackie and Wilson to be whole Because when you hit thirty everyone expects You to just have sex And make three out of two Or more if possible to issue from you And when you’re a teen they warn you that Your life will be ruined if you create something you can’t take back And I watch all these children dying In foreign countries and they’re crying And I just want to reach out and touch And tell them I love them so much And I am doing everything I can To resist the man Who says that war is the way to peace And all these people that decease Are just casualties and collateral damage How can he stand the carnage And I know it’s not up to me to blame And no one really is their name They are the depths and so much more But I must tell you, mo stór That you are paving the path to hell And I can’t just stay out of it and wish you well Or be obstinate refuse Boycott the brands I will not use I must let a new dream birth And create a new dawn all over the earth What is the feminine reveal Is that she can only ever steal That which is not real
He makes me feel brand new And I’m not thinking of him when I’m talking to you And I don’t know who I wrote this about But no longer mired in self doubt I listen to the angels that speak their tome Into my brain when I’m all alone And I told the psychiatrist that I hear voices It’s not like he gave me many choices It’s psychosis or on the brink Of letting the whole thing sink And so I drink the potion he’s dying to sell And all the people they call unwell And I know it’s nicer than crazy And it doesn’t faze me It just feels clinical and watered down And when you want to drown Telling people that the sea Is rising up to meet me In the great valley I am And someone mentions a care plan That I refuse to read They take my blood and I bleed Out into several jars And I wonder if the stars Had this in mind When they told me I would not be left behind By the might of weighted thunder Some people say I’m just a number And don’t know what to do But do you want to rock it with us, do you And I lose the rag And the man tries to brag But it falls flat As I wonder what the hell is he at I realise only too late He was trying to impress me into a date Or a roll in the sheets Was it predestined that we meet Or was it organised And something within never dies No matter what they put you through Telling you it’s for the good too As they lie to your face But they lie to themselves too and it’s a waste As the Barbie dream house claims one more doll Was I wrong to answer the call?
It wouldn’t be Dublin if I wasn’t late And somewhere under the covers is a man I’d like to date And I think of him as I sit in this sojourn Do I always have to mourn It’s been ten years since we talked A decade since I walked My boots down the road And everything slowed Down, how do I get away I cover my ears so I don’t hear what you say Because you tell me that it’s over, over the hill And I know that you would kill Just to feel alive But somewhere in the dive You found the water you wanted You tell me and I can’t say that I amn’t daunted By the weight of your magnitudinous pain And I just stand out in the rain So I can feel it on my skin But I never felt him Move with the beat Touched his face when we’re feet to feet And somewhere in a daydream, diamond true I think that I found you For a reason And for a season That lasted three hours long I was the ocean in which you drown
I thought God could only ever be found In the complete absence of sound In the silence that descends On my room as the riverbends From lavender to primrose and flame And I wake up from my name And it all seems so perfect, true Til I met you And it all cascaded down You wanted to run my town So you could have a girl in the wings And, my, you love the way she sings But you don’t understand her And you demand her To be as you would please Up on her tiptoes or down on her knees But neither one will ever be me So I let you go free Though I love you with all of my heart I won’t make pain just to make art Or love Or fit like a glove Into a biological cog I dream of a fire burning a log While we lie on the rug before it And you know I would adore it A blanket made just for two But it never was me and you We spit fire into each other’s veins And in the aftermath cleaned up the bloodstains On the carpet where we fought It was in darkness that the ring was wrought And cascaded into eternity You asked me to burn with thee But I let go that crime And am absorbed into the sublime And even if they don’t get me here It doesn’t mean I’ll run to you dear If you make a fool of me When I just wanted life school and mystery To encompass all we were I dropped the glass when I saw her And it broke and shattered on the floor You don’t even hide that you adore Another pair of eyes And my trust in you dies Slowly but surely in the awe That you could begin the Great Thaw
Did you make a mistake telling me to go to hell And now all you want to shout is that you wish me well After all the evidence to the contrary Now you hold vigils and pray to Mother Mary But you don’t find any answers there At least not the ones that make you care And I spilled truth like ink All over the kitchen sink And you balked at its black, viscous flavour And I looked at you as though you were my saviour But you only saw the war And you crucified me for What you sought to keep Now it haunts you in your sleep And you can’t get my voice out of your mind It whispers to you as to what you’ve left behind And your bed is warm But you look so forlorn At the shape that sleeps beside you in the sheets And you wonder if two people ever meet On a level playing field And I feel you hate me so I yield To the tide of going away It isn’t indifference that made me sway And let the ribbon float into the air It’s because I loved the man that was there
The life I’ve always wanted receded into the distance And when I reached for it I only felt resistance As I confessed my secret heart He took his wound and tore me apart And with tears in his eyes He ripped into my disguise Til I stand with paper hands And look at the sands Slipping through the cracks I know we can’t go back From this I though you might kiss Me when you found out the truth Like I know you wanted to in our youth And I put you off And you splutter and cough And tell me you have no time For what I found in the diamond mine And soldered to a band of gold for you In a past life I was the one to Go down on one knee Reversed genders, same eternity And I propose a solution to the problem Because together, all of the troubles, we’d solve them And you’ve found another partner And it would hearten her If she knew how you talked behind her back And the girls that you attack In her name I don’t mean to lay the blame But is it just gonna be the same As it was two hundred years ago With your blonde hair and the way you kissed me slow
In the land where death is real People lie and people steal People cheat and people thieve But it’s all coz they believe In a sudden end and in separation It is reinforced by years of education Not only in the school But by social rule Where they must obey Everything their elders say Only to grow up to be A repetition endlessly Instead of creative and new And everything they swore they would do When they were five years old No one has to be told To be pilot, to be king To be bird upon the wing But you have to be sold On being bad, on being “bold” And every child knows The phrase that everything goes The way it should be I love eternity As it presents myself Amidst “mental health” Challenges, they say I’m crazy But you know it doesn’t phase me When I’m twenty eight and in Dean Swift But the captivity was a gift As they try to sit me down And say that I will drown In all that is unwell It’s a byword for hell But I just don’t buy Everything they try To sell It’s a secret I never tell But I’m soaring high Something can never die And I will go to the lowest low If it means that someone else’s dreams Will wake before they shake By the bones and skin It’s not foolhardy to trust in Him He who moves the sky into spacious understanding He who shows the way without ever demanding That you should follow suit Oh, the world that we pollute With our constant pain That falls as acid rain Or bombs upon the children Instead of heartfulness to fill them With hope and with pride And gratitude that they’re alive I’m sorry to say That going the wrong way Means you must repent And all things are heaven sent Until you realise That every time someone cries It’s an echo of the sound That means God is around To show you where the deep Is something you can keep I didn’t know that I Was blessed until my Whole world was shaken But just like in a dream I waken And suddenly realise That nobody dies Not in the way we think But you don’t know water until you drink From that holy font It is everything I want And everything I never knew to ask I just dropped the mask And all was revealed I guess you could say that I was healed
What is the call of New York And why is there a fork In the road and on the table And I am not able To leave it all behind Even if I must go out of my mind Or be labelled as such Because I love you so much And I couldn’t be there when you died Because the man asked me how I am and I cried So I got locked up in St. Pat’s again And it may be the will of men To contain what they don’t understand But I look at you and you just say “it’s grand, I won’t leave you a grá mo chroí” And even though my broken knee Falls to the floor I know there’s more Than just screaming into the air “She’s not there, she’s not there” And it was all I could do not to hit my head off the wall And they console me but I fall Into their lap and rebel against the constraint Of being okay with the colour she paint Because everyone has their own way But I must do what she say If I’m not to be medicated And I may be educated But it has been the work of my life To make sure I don’t become a wife And go down with the ship Or the forests that they equip With cutting trees And the birds and the bees Buzz around my head But I would give it all up just to lay in bed And mourn And look forlorn Because all that shattered glass Never got me an A in class It only ever drew blood Now I’m standing in the wood Trying to catch the soul that escape And the red cape Couldn’t stop the passage of time And my only crime Was trying to pause the air Now I look at your chair and you’re not there
I dreamed about you last night You were as fragile as a butterfly And it was like in real life I just had to watch you die And yet you do not leave me here You kiss me like you always did, dear On my forehead or on my cheek And when I used to feel weak I would run to your side I would hide And then let you find me And you didn’t mind me Being a little bit strange And all the peace rearrange To atoms that say that you are gone But your song Will have life as long as I am breathing You were always something I was needing As I would lie into you And at fifteen I watched you Washing the dishes at the sink And all I could do was think Of what would happen the day you died If I would break like waves of tears I cried And I insulated myself Under the veil of mental health Because I can’t shatter again And there are legions of men Who would take my hand And make me “understand” What true love means But it’s insubstantial as the stuff of dreams And you are wholly really And even though you’ve left I still feel You in my veins and blood Like when I was lying in the wood And I felt the soul of the trees Kiss me when I’m on my knees And I know that your prayers save me Even when I cave, we Will always be a two by two And it’s not up to someone forgetting you It’s something that you always are You are not on some far distant star You are in my heart And in this instant we are not apart
I get slated for being emotional and sincere There was that time I told you I hold you dear And you attacked and ripped my hands Away from your paper thin heart and the sands Flow out of your hourglass As you try to make a thing last That never will Because time will kill The bodies that you preserve And the girl that you serve Must one day kiss you for the last time And my only crime Was knowing there will come a day When one or the other of us will go away And I can’t speak forever when I see the horizon And I don’t know what you have your eyes on As you stare into space Meanwhile I just stare at your face Looking at the grass And time will pass But something stays the same There is a love that will not lay the blame Not even when your dripping venom Tries to make an enemy Of me Then return to eternity Where it can fester its wound I saw it all and the doom Ate me up from the middle And the best part of me may be hidden But you can find it if you look You don’t have to do anything by the book You swear by And I hear you cry In my dreams How does a man come apart at the seams When you just tell him the truth That you idolise our youth And that time will also be the proof Of what cannot be destroyed We are not just girls and boys We are immortal souls Water though the wave rolls And breaks onto the land I wonder if I take your hand Would you be a friend Coz true love will never end
The tears that flow It’s been nearly twenty years since you let go And people tell me to move on But how do I ignore the space where you’re gone A beacon of love and trust And I know they just aren’t fussed Coz to lose a grandmother is par for the course Something common, like weddings and divorce But no one told me what it would be like to have you ripped From the fortress I had equipped With everything I had So nothing bad Could happen And you were just napping In the kitchen when Rocky lay down by the settee And I had had fourteen years when you showered love on me And I know I am closer to the grave Than the point that could save You from the monsters that eat your soul But somehow I know that Jesus made you whole And the cancer spreads I’m crying in bed But there’s nothing I can do I can’t heal you At least not yet But there’s something I will never forget Like when you told me good things come to those who wait And I trudge through the hate Coz I know your advice is true And there was wisdom that had its home in you And you made rhubarb tart for us all I take a place by the wall But you wink at me And save the biggest piece and for free You offer me the whole damn world I’ll always be your girl
The secret store Are all the stories I kept before I found a blank page To hold all my rage And people are multifaceted I don’t think she acted it When she told me to go fcuk myself That day in her presence And the mark still leaves a crescent Shaped bite on my arm I never thought she would harm Me in that way But that’s the price you pay For loving the games you play And leaving it all on the field The way the fortress might yield If I could bridge the gap But I never could read the map That led to the heart of her And I could write mountains about what we were But am I just looking to the past For a mast I can use to set sail And does my courage fail When she stares at me down the barrel of the gun Like she’s got a single shot and I am the one The bullet is for And a closed door Hurts more than the blood in my veins Pouring out of me like the rains Upon the ground I know He didn’t get it so I said it slow But nothing caught on And he tells me he is gone But I see his shadow at the door When he thinks the light won’t catch him anymore
The boat rocked when the wave shook me to my core And I kindly showed her to the door When she took out the dagger and it caught the light And I could see in the night That she never wished me well And it rained holy hell On my town I contemplated what it would be like to drown In a nearby lake Would she come to my wake Like the whole community does when someone dies Then someone’s loved one cries And I couldn’t do that to them But I wouldn’t like to be back there again Because it was as pitch as the blackest dark And it left a mark The scar is what I cherish now Because the truth got to me somehow And I don’t understand the Lord but he saved my life And he doesn’t want me to just be a wife And surrender and go down Like everyone does everywhere around It’s like you hit thirty And everything you thought was dirty Suddenly looks so damn appealing And there were comics that I was stealing The day I followed a trail And I swore my soul was not for sale But I danced on the edge of a cliff Balancing on a what if And it mattered to me less than naught But what if I get caught So I commit myself to an institution Maybe they can straighten out my convolution And I’ve always had a strong constitution But it doesn’t hold up under this pressure There’s nothing like a doctor to stress ya Especially when they’ve got all the power But I am not one to cower So I just run to the sea But they’re still watching me As I find a corner of the room That doesn’t sink with the sound of doom That echoed around that place And I couldn’t show my face To anyone at all I just remember the length of the hall When you’re walking it alone And they’ve taken my phone So I follow Sinéad and pace the route But they jot down that I follow suit And it’s all just a case study to them And they assure me it will happen again If I forsake the pills And the bending of my wills But I’m about done with this I’m still thinking about Jack’s kiss
It’s impossible to stay angry at you When you flick that gaze at me And I swore that it would be us For eternity But the dials switched and changed The atoms rearranged And it seemed like our history Would stay in the past Like me getting all those A’s in class And they called me names Like all I am is brains And Deirdre, she cut me down Made me wanna run clear outta that town And she would pick away at me Til I had enough and infinity Isn’t far enough to be away from her Even though I mourn what we were And I know her depths go unknown And some of them were shown To me too And there were parts that were true But the lies they perforate And before I know it it’s that date Again And men Seem like my only salvation As I make x and y balance the equation And I thought I had struck gold In the ground or at the end of the rainbow You turned out to be the same as her though It was all shits and giggles But the next thing the girl wriggles And you’re gone And I say so long To all that I thought you were Enjoy the business you have with her I’m sure it’s mighty fine But just don’t try to waste my time Saying you’re my friend When I only ever saw the end Of what you were trying to sell And I wish you both well But I’m not gonna gallop that pony And I could be wrong but you’re full of baloney
How about goodbye And you made me feel like I wanna die So I close the door Pretend I don’t love you anymore But I do It’s always you Amid the curtains pulled And the pain, it dulled As the years passed But I wanted it to last So I would have something to hold onto But your love stuck like glue In my heart And though we are miles apart And time and space None of it is gone to waste Because I would do it a thousand times over Just to find your four leafed clover Growing in the grass And I loved to learn in class But nobody taught me a lesson like you I’m just not sure I wanted to Let you go And I know That everyone dies And the child cries When her grandfather passes And it’s the wisdom of the masses To mourn and then move on But there is a hole where he is gone And nothing can repair it I dare it To swallow me whole But my soul Just grows more vast And life asked Me to be free So I let go and eternity Came to kiss my lips In the middle of an eclipse Where all was night But in the darkness shone a light And nothing can drench it Nothing can quench it No pulling thread Can unmake where I made my bed
Will you ever know how much you mean to me Did you know you were a dream set free Into the open expanse I watch the leaves dance In the wind And have we sinned By leaving the door open You were barely coping When I swung in the gate And your hate Is rocket fuel Do you live the dual Race to the bottom But I haven’t forgotten The way you just move with the breeze And on my hands and knees I pray to the God you were Before I found out you were with her
I’m not going making an enemy out of you Not even if the whole world wants me to And you’ve got the force of the women’s cause And I’m on a stereo hitting pause Because I can’t cope with what I see That you had her as well as me And I know it’s lame and it’s a whole joke And I can’t get by on what I wrote But I see you sometimes in the air And feel the space where you’re not there And everything’s like an answered prayer And you’re the angel by which I’d swear But the mountains roll down to the sea And I am nothing if not free Of everything you got to be I don’t know if you were looking for eternity But it was forever on the grass Just the kind that doesn’t last And you were the rain that lashed And all the diagrams that smashed But somehow you made a different choice And I decided to hide my voice In the realms of empty pages I’ve written odes to the ages Up against an empty wall And I was running down the hall Just to catch the trail of you Til I realized you don’t want me to So I just stop and stand still Feel the force of all that will Strive to keep heaven away But it’s one shore I can’t hold at bay And the march of time just goes on Will there be a day when we’re both gone Or does something just endure I call it the wave of pure Consciousness that just abides There are oceans that survive The still and empty way you move And if love is just a point we prove Then there’s nothing left to lose I don’t have a choice but it’s you I choose
So I guess his girlfriend hates me now Because I let him in and allow Him to take me to dance Give love at first sight a second chance And I won’t refuse him If he knocks on my door Prove to God Who loves him more And I know you’ve made him happy And I don’t envy the task But there is still so much I’ve got to ask You both coz I wanna be friends With the two of you Don’t doubt that I love you too Some kind of sister In the scene You were his twenty something dream And I can only catch a glimpse of him Through the photographs in which I swim That you took And I wrote a book About the way feelings clash Hot and cold fronts, smoke and ash But I don’t want a showdown with fragrant air I’m glad that you were there To catch his tears and resound his laughter And you’re cute but I know what you’re after As you fool a second glance In a sort of romance But you gotta know I gotta say That I’ve loved him In every way Picked up the crumbs he dropped on the path Be the beauty in the aftermath And I don’t want an enemy Or someone taking swipes at me I just want to kneel as I confess I envy you in that dress And all that I missed out in the fire You’re burning earth on the pyre And I’m sure a furnace or two Knows the depths and breadth of you And you look at each other But he is my soul brother And I gotta let him know Let the love show In the diagrams refract Is it okay if I come back And be the mirror to reflect Not something circumspect But deep blue truth That professed secrets of our youth And he used to be an emotional kid And I was straight laced, he took the lid Off of all I can’t contain I’m singing summertime in the rain As we share each other’s speech And he’s tall and got reach And I know in his secret heart He has held onto you I know what he wants to do And I can’t escape From the flash of a red cape As it floats in the mirror And I was so blind I didn’t see her As I made an overview of you I mapped the things that you could do And I give up the fight Coz I wanna be a good person and alright And I feel if you knew all there was to know There is no way you would ever go I keep hidden the best part of me But I’m opening up so you see All that’s left of what we were It’s not a matter of me or her
Is she just a fake ass bitch Or am I the judge and just rolling with it Like a ball down the hill It’s good weather so take your fill Of all the summers that you missed I found the photo where we kissed For the very first time And no crime Could ever amount to the trouble you gave There is nothing left to save As I keep my best for another day And I still like you okay Even though faraway is green You still hold the keys to dream Out into another sphere You’re far away but very near And close in my heart Don’t start To berate me once more So, I’m not something you adore And the store Don’t hold the half Of the feeling of you waking my laugh Up from inside And I hide Away in folds and creases You look at me and the grim releases What had been held so true I’m just wishing for some time with you Some ages or some years Some eons and some tears To cry with a happy note You’re my favorite one to quote When everything is flowing with the breeze Living a life of unconquerable ease In the lush growth I am quiet so I left a note To tell you I am here And that I love you, dear
I keep holding out For the Divine Death The one that time Cannot forget You can all it enlightenment You can call it liberation But I woke up From my own education Only to go on Picking up stones Going from place to place And calling it home And I’ve always been a rambler Out for adventure But I’m struggling With my own self censure Coz there are lines With which you do not agree And I can only point it out I can’t make you see And you’re drinking Bottled water from the tap And I keep wondering What are you at But it’s a mystery to me All these flicking pages And I’ve been wandering For ages and ages Trying to catch your trail As it winds through the undergrowth I’m tired walking The less travelled road Searching for something I cannot find Missing what I’ve left behind
It’s one to remember This night we’re losing our clothes I know that you weren’t The path I chose But I still feel So entwined And I’ve a tendency To call you mine As you break out in laughter It’s a sudden joy I think I’ve fallen In love with a boy As he innocently regales Me with tales Of him at the pit I didn’t know back then But this is It And I’ve found my shore The holy one that I adore And years pass Like we’re flicking a canvas Like you’re wearing shoes And holding up like Atlas And I know you’ve a woman And I respect her claim But I still love The sound of your name Against mine And we’re just wasting time Getting lost in love And the Holy Spirit is a dove To come down on me Do you think we could be Or is it just something I have to let go It’s not kosher, I know And you’ve got so many flaws And my winter never thaws To break out into spring But I would give you everything If you don’t think to ask I’ll let you in, at last
Death comes to take everything I love And I lose the glove I wore when I was younger and blue And it was all I could do to hold onto you But I had to let you go your own way Because there’s nothing that I can say To stem the tide Of that which cannot abide In the tome of fate I never gave in to hate But I couldn’t hold the love you carry And the boy I want to marry I ran him off Because I couldn’t pay the cost That it would require And now the whole world is on fire With the hate that burns As the aching turns It on its axis and spin And once I was with him But things change and so did he So I let go and now I’m free
We could all be under earth pretty soon Am I the only one who hears the noise in the room When it’s silent as hell And there’s all these people wishing me well But I can’t help but feel that it all pull asunder The rattling windows to the sound of thunder As it all caves in And who would win When the triumph is naught It’s like some disease that we’ve caught That makes us capable to kill And at will The degenerate Comes to pull apart the state Of affairs and of the mind I swore I would leave no one behind
I just wanna die with you It would be perfect poetry Romeo and Juliet and their symmetry As forces try to pull us apart But they can’t kill what is all heart And tomorrow is a day no one can promise But you looked in my eyes and you were honest As you spilled truth like rain And I just wanna stand in the waterfall again As it brushes my skin I was never at home til I met him And suddenly the sky Turns and I must watch my lover die On the battlefield But the victory goes to the one who yield But for all the weight of my storm I could only ever keep you warm For a certain length of time And now all I’ve left of you Is something made of us two Growing under my skin I could never replace him With someone new I just wanted you To know the truth The prisoner and her youth
There is the fear that death could separate us And that I have to rush to you To profess my love Til above Reaches in its hand And takes away my only man The only one I’ve ever sought To give myself to beyond the taught And you are serene and beautiful But your skin’s as thin as cotton wool And the people are all saying I’m crazy But it doesn’t faze me I just take a step back And their affection feels like an attack On summer wine As they take my time And make it theirs Hands up if anyone cares I know they will say they’ve got the best of intentions It’s just that they never mention You, anymore And I wonder if that closed door Has slammed shut If only I could get out of this aperture of slut As they all seek to cling Coz, God knows, they’d hold onto anything And I open out my palm As the bell rings an alarm In the hall of calling like it is And is it a surprise that I’m still his In spite of the battleship That is equipped Somewhere along the shore To hammer at my door Like a man knocking on my breath But it hasn’t opened to him yet
There is crippling instability at my core I try to balance what I adore On the scales But a part of me rails And tries to decide That I no longer want to be alive If it means that I’m not with her Always wondering what we were And she hates me now but I feel her breath Whispering “do not forget” All that we are And she says I am her star No black hole But the measure of her soul And she calls to me Across the sea Of forever in between Am I crazy or is this a dream I just cannot wake from All I love will someday be gone And ripped to shreds This is what I think of when I lay in bed
The darkness of the night is very near And it was an education in fear When they taught me about the man in black And that I must be wary of an attack I still remember the moment it made an impact Cut to the future and I jacked When I saw that same abyss again And instead of a god, it was men And I ran and ran Because only the truth can Catch up to me And the scenery is no match for me As I turn a blind eye On what it is to die In the midnight of the day And they tell me it’s okay I ask the doctor if the devil is real Because hell is sure what I feel When I’m looking in the mirror And I barely hear her When she say that she don’t know She says she’ll help me though And she’s from India so I trust in where this is gonna go
The wrench I try not to feel Coz it means I’m mentally ill if I cannot deal With the wave that races to the shore And it crushes everything I adore And all are sandcastles, all are water I’m just a lost, lonely granddaughter Who may never see you again And you were the best of men Though something whispers to me that you are here Closer than close and ever near And I look for it in their eyes But all I ever see is the disguise That hides you from me They equate eternity With what they can know With their mind, so I pull away Because I know you cannot stay Not here, not with me You are free And I unlock the chains That keep you incumbent to the rain And all the aching that I feel Is the only thing that is real As I run to St. Pat’s And they dutifully hit me with baseball bats Til I can’t feel the grief They must replace the belief With a shallow kind of pain The kind that has people squint with strain And say, sure isn’t that the way But I return to the bay As it opens out onto the Pacific And I have to say it’s fuckin’ terrific And lays all my shreds bare Til there’s nothing left to tear And my dress may be ruined But I think God knows what He’s doing When he says to me I will take away the temporary So you can know the permanent How could hell be heaven sent?
She’s buried under the weight of timber And she calls me a sinner For what she cannot see That it has devastated me And he looks at me that way And there’s so much I want to say But I can’t and now it’s never That’s the hard part of forever It doesn’t let go And so I let the waves rise up To overflow the cup Of water I’ve been drinking They say that it’s overthinking But somehow it feels more real And it’s just that she cannot deal With her own grief she fires at dart at me And I don’t have the heart to let it be I storm up a flame and turn away Go deaf to everything she say Coz it’s all a repetition Of something she learned in some edition Of something she read And I never said What I meant But when I sent That letter true I thought it would deliver to you But it must have missed the mark Now I’m just swinging swords in the dark And hoping to connect With a dream I seem to have wrecked With my steady brutality Oh, the weight of what’s been placed on me Is a blessing true And all of this because I lost you
I watch the images of bombed out bars And burnt out cars On city streets And I know that the heat Is born from a fervour deep and true I feel it in me and I see it in you And somehow peace has found a way To hold and that’s the order of the day It’s been 800 years And so many women have cried tears Over lost sons And I could be the one To finally unpeel The way they made our nation feel As they circumscribe the land And say this must be tilled by hand And no more than so many yards I don’t even know how hard It must have been And my dream Has been rocked Like the walls made up by people locked In Connemara by the rule of the day To hell or to Connaught, isn’t that the way And we can bark orders and we can make decrees But that Ireland isn’t me It’s something other It’s living and breathing for your brother And dying with hands crushed together Nowadays we just complain about the weather But the sadness is embedded in the roots Of the great tree that began as shoots From the fertile soil I feel my blood boil When someone talks about English rule The things they taught us in school About how to bend and break And why they did it for our sake And we must be respectful, too Because they are human just like you Then someone utters a word And just like that the bird Of hatred is born Because the fire of fear is still warm And glowing embers Not everyone knows but the heart remembers Even when the mind forgets And it’s not over yet Not till the trauma storm Has made the people realise they warm Their hands on the coals of the past And in some ways people are classed In the stratosphere I feel the time near When we must stand up and be counted Oh, what has it amounted To but this Heaven is in the first kiss
My heart is touched By the ones I love so much And I can’t bear the loss Bearing the heavy weight of cost Of all this time And everything that’s mine Will one day belong to the sky We do not know the hour we die Or the day or the year All I know is that a tear Slides down my face When something goes to waste Because it was not said And it pounds in my head As I’m lying in bed Hoping to stay warm And all form Is permeable to The water that just wears through Our steady soul And the waves roll Over the Burren floor It was once at the bottom of the ocean and what’s more It’s solidity Is only apparent when it’s taken from me To go sliding away I close my eyes to the day And embrace the night Have people ask; “are you alright?” And yes I am, but no I’m not Like asking a candle is it hot As it slowly melts This is made to be felt As it sits in my chest And holds the people I love the best In the Kilglass sun What if everything is the One
The inner child weeps And she never sleeps For all the people she loves Will one day be above Or at least that’s what they say I don’t know if it is that way But I’ve always felt the wrench Felt the knot in my gut clench As it tries to clasp What it knows can never last Not in a hundred million suns Not in finding the sacred one Because the heat must die To find the reason that you try To reach the sky And I Just find tears Amidst all the years And cling to the frame The door that bears my name But it can’t weather the storm Of the heart that beats me warm In the summer free I feel death stalking me And in the winter fine I feel that it is time To let the leaves go Let the winds blow Let the waters flow And find that there is no separation, you know
There’s darker than that in the shadows And the girl rebelled on All Hallow’s Eve and there were claps of thunder I saw them taking my number So I ran and ran Now no one can Reach me And no matter what they teach me I cannot unsee the truth That perforated the wisdom of my youth They try to placate Say; find a perfect date Find a man you can settle down with Though it might be hard coz you’re such a bitch But I don’t care anyway I just sway With the leaves in the trees As everyone believes that down on your knees Is the way to free But it just isn’t me And the man is beautiful, the man is real But he just closes down how I feel And say’s to me on the phone Goodbye, Laura, now I’m alone As the bombs go off And I pay the cost For the rattling rain That hammers my doorstep again And again and again I can’t reasonably blame the weather on men But then I do I just blame you For casting me out For casting aspersions and self doubt On who I am And if I’ve any choice as to who I can Love, it will never be you Even if your baby blue Is enticing My soul is advicing Me to depart I do it all with solemn heart
I edit the muse Because I feel the ruse Is too obvious to everyone around So quiet as a mouse I don’t make a sound Til it implodes And everyone goads Me til a break in my mental health Is the cards that I am dealt I smile into the sun And I look for the one Meanwhile, on the run I end what was never begun And I look to him for salvation He hasn’t got any I thought he had the truth But it’s just one of the many And something he spouts To eschew his self doubt I look within And I find a power greater than him Deep in my soul He could make all the waves roll But he can’t command the sea Or make a woman out of me Just coz he’s a man He kicks the can Down the road And the car slowed To see what he was doing I’m no girl for the pursuing So I let it go I’m not sure if he ever got it though
The control is like a vicegrips, it sneaks round my neck And I wonder which part of me she will wreck With the next seize I let go and I believe That everything is okay Innocently go about my day And then it comes Like a wave of a hundred drums Banging their beat Like people with the floor and feet And she snatches up what she can grasp But this thing can never last Coz it just burns the fuse When I am something she would use To ameliorate herself And gain some kind of wealth In someone else’s eyes But it’s a disguise And the lies Are so obvious now But when I believed them, not somehow
Somehow there is a starship far away And it is hidden in every day In the midst of meals and courses In the midst of screaming fights, divorces And I call that love, it’s a futile road To ever carry that heavy load They call life And every wife Knows the weight Of hiding in her husbands hate As he trudges through the snow Pretending he is in the know And I’m taking apart an institution Because it is in my constitution And I always wanted to be a newly wed So I could share somebody’s bed But that dream has faded And I’m jaded At thirty three Like I swore I’d never be I’d follow every dream to its resolution But now it seems the only solution Is to let it go And rest and know That every cloud has its silver lining And I’m one who is undefining What it means to be woman and grown I plunge into the unknown And come out smelling of roses I didn’t realise that I chose this Over a life of steady familiarity Rooted in the ground like a deep tree So steady in its being But there’s something else I’m seeing In the mists of time It’s you and I and we are fine Just as we are Behind every black hole is a hidden star
Run to the states And they’re asking who it is she dates And I’m so focused on People being gone That I can’t see them when they are here And, Lord knows, I hold them dear But I just cannot contort into shapes The air in my lungs escapes As I try to be the solid stance Then a beautiful boy asks me to dance And I say no because he wants a kiss And I know I would miss If I ever thought to try I just wonder what will happen when we all die And western society is obsessed with youth It always seemed a little uncouth At a three day wake You’d swear the dead would make the ground quake And join in the festivity All joking aside they are still with me I feel my grandmother’s breath against my cheek And when I feel weak I know her prayers save my life I don’t think she knew the strife I walked through when she was alive But I let the veil fall and our love survive The transition out of form And she may not have been warm When she lay so still But her spirit never will Grow cold as the grave She is the power that save Me from my own mistakes I let her help and the fever breaks
Life is a tremulous thing And a bird with only one wing Flies in a circle if she flies at all I just remember running into the hall And screaming bloody blue murder As I woke up from a sleep I had been held in the bed By a weight I could not keep And they all held like snooker balls Atoms of air until they all fall And weigh on me like turf But I am released and I surf The wave out of the room Imagine arms catching me with the sound of doom And my parents come to me in a flash And I’m crying, trembling and I can’t put the genie back In the bottle now that he’s been set free Every time the phone rings my heart beats against the tree I use to hold myself together Because the weather Was unpredictable and strange And no matter how stable it would always change As I lose a grandmother to the going away And I must not cry because she could not stay But my ears are pulsing with the noise And the din rattles bones like they are play toys As I always expect the next mute surrender I gave in to always remember The torture of losing love to the emptiness Now the darkness starts to dress Me in its own clothes and cloak Everything around me in the bespoke Am I just reading the dial When people look at me I fake a smile So they don’t look to hard And see the facade behind the business card I hand out to everyone who wants to get in touch And you’d never know I love you so much When I just stare into your soul Every wave is beautiful but they all roll Into the one And every man is somebody’s son And deserves respect and compassion Even when he sings about an assassin That lives in his heart She aimed true though and took the part He had been protecting out of the dark And I bet he was the better mark In the end I’d like to think she knows I’m a friend But all bullets find their way home I guess that’s why she’s complete and I am alone With my own front facing tremor I don’t think I’d want to be on the good ship Endeavour Even if I was to stake a claim And somehow make a name For myself in the western based media But its not all what they feed to ya As babies cry for mother they’ll never see I just don’t want that to ever be me
The Poetry Book 