Tag: lost

What Was I Thinking?

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I let them take me to hell
All the time they wished me well 
And put me through the crucify 
And if I didn’t want to die 
In the beginning, I did by the end 
The kind of torture when you don’t have a friend
Who will save you from the wolves
So I let it go as the pain pulls 
Me into it’s own frame of mind
It was easier than being left behind 
By the man I love
They say his glove
Don’t fit my hand 
But it’s just that they don’t understand 
The mechanics of the thing 
And an angel with a broken wing
Will always look to sky
To find a reason why 
The emotion is not to be found 
In any degree of sight or sound
And she pushes the door back open 
When I was just hoping 
To be on my own 
Now the birds have flown 
On that particular piece of ground 
And all the injustices abound 
In the leaves that fall 
I look at her as I walk down the hall 
To the death squadron firing guns 
They say Mother Earth loves all her sons
But some wield a battle axe 
Some take it to the max
And some just fall short of that 
I’d say it’s okay but it’d be old hat 

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Handing Out Tokens

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He makes me feel brand new
And I’m not thinking of him when I’m talking to you
And I don’t know who I wrote this about
But no longer mired in self doubt
I listen to the angels that speak their tome
Into my brain when I’m all alone
And I told the psychiatrist that I hear voices
It’s not like he gave me many choices
It’s psychosis or on the brink 
Of letting the whole thing sink 
And so I drink the potion he’s dying to sell
And all the people they call unwell
And I know it’s nicer than crazy
And it doesn’t faze me 
It just feels clinical and watered down 
And when you want to drown 
Telling people that the sea
Is rising up to meet me 
In the great valley I am 
And someone mentions a care plan 
That I refuse to read
They take my blood and I bleed
Out into several jars
And I wonder if the stars 
Had this in mind
When they told me I would not be left behind
By the might of weighted thunder
Some people say I’m just a number 
And don’t know what to do 
But do you want to rock it with us, do you
And I lose the rag
And the man tries to brag
But it falls flat
As I wonder what the hell is he at
I realise only too late
He was trying to impress me into a date
Or a roll in the sheets
Was it predestined that we meet
Or was it organised
And something within never dies
No matter what they put you through
Telling you it’s for the good too 
As they lie to your face
But they lie to themselves too and it’s a waste
As the Barbie dream house claims one more doll 
Was I wrong to answer the call? 

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Wrecking Ball

.Reading time 1 minute.
There was a demon I saw in her 
It let go and destroyed what we were 
And it’s belligerence knocked buildings and homes
Til I was in a room crying all alone 
And trying to find even keel 
Because of all this weight that I feel
And I try to tell souls but they don’t care
Or they don’t understand because they weren’t there
When it all went down 
As she screams into her cup
And I have had enough
Of that rejection
So I depart from natural selection
And find my own ground
It is a peaceful sound 
In my room all alone
And I lock the darkness out of my phone 
Because I gravitate 
Towards the light that equivocate
The messes I have made
And if you’re a tree do you love shade
Just because that’s what you cast
I didn’t think this thing would last
So very long 
And I know I look strong
But the wind knows the weakness in my knees
The foibles in what I believe 
To be true
Why do I still trust you?

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Historical

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I found diamonds amongst the rubies
And did you ever go to Gubies
I know it’s not your scene
It’s just you were my dream
Now you’re with some other chick
And I’m at home just thinking a candle wick
And, man,it burns
But the axis just turns
Like some mad spinning ball
Is that what unites us all
As I’m growing flowers in the wherewithal 
And you’ve gone door to door
You knocked on mine and what’s more
The ocean lets it’s own way on
But you look back and the sandcastle’s gone
What did we spend so long
For, what went wrong
When I spoke to you on the phone
How do I get you alone
And if I did
Could I steal what’s his
And have it for my own
You say we’re grown
But you act like a child
And I’m half wild
With flowers in my hair
I didn’t realise you were there
When you said; “em, ‘scuse me”
But you just wanna use me 
To fulfill your projection
And the rejection
Has us both reeling
What were you really feeling
Please don’t lay down the law
Ice like that will never thaw

Front to Bottom

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I didn’t want to admit you were right about me
Cause it hurt too much that you had seen the truth
And you were willing to give me all of you
In recompense for what had happened to me
And I said no
I can do it alone
I don’t need you, I don’t need anyone
I’m just fine
And it was sort of true but a lie at the time
Cause when you matched puzzle pieces right to the marks I had made on my skin
I said no, I don’t want to let you in
And when you said “I would do just about anything for you”,
I turned you away because I knew you would
And I would lose you some day one way or another
Through my fault or your own or death taking us under
And I couldn’t let it in
No, I couldn’t let it in
Cause a world without you does not exist
And I want to do more than merely subsist
And now you don’t love me cause I threw it away
Well you sorta do, in the back of your mind kind of way
Cause you love everyone, even though you hate them passionately
You just wanna grow into all you’re meant to be
And I know you will
Well you already have
Why does it feel so bad?

The Water’s Arch

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Water flows freely out under the arches
And the sounds in the steps of the army that marches
And puts a poison in the tips of their pens
To liven up what they say in each other’s dens
And there has always been a cove to shield me from the shore
But somehow, in defiance, I wanted something more
And put myself in the path of wilful destruction
But you stood in the way of my persistent destruction
And confounded me whole with your beautiful soul
As I searched the earth so I could play the role
That would be most fitting to your eminent position
But all I found out was there was something missing
That I never could obtain in all of my years
And the harder I tried the more plentiful tears
And the winter it came to wither the tide
And all things went to sleep so they could survive
But I stayed on like a bitter tree
With its branches all cleared of the markers of me
So who am I now as my roots crave the water
Am I just skin and bones and somebody’s daughter
And what do I have to pay to be finally free
Of the persistent but irresistible hold you have over me

The Lines of the Infinite

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You walk the lines of the infinite as though it is child’s play
You talk to me in tones so sweet and then you look away
And how do I try to be anything but nice
Cause I have lost you more than once and I did so without a fight
So tell me once again, once more, about how you’re better off
And is it you or me or both who finds out that we’re lost
And though I ache with past regret and years that are gone by
I didn’t work up the nerve to talk to you or even try
Why are we in this quandary with our destinies dancing the line
Before I hung up the phone, before you said it was fine
Is there an immortal that is concealed that we can hang onto at least
As I to in the west am fire ablaze while you sundance in the east
And we are both stone strong examples of how love can do you wrong
How unconditionally is wrought in iron that is strong
And will not let you go at all, though lessons may be learned
I can feel the breath of wind moved when your head is turned