Tag: loss

Flights Of Panic

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The curbs of death
Mark the pavements of my mind
And I’m stepping on cracks
And what I left behind
Coz no one’s exempt
I dunno where it all went
The love and the fever
Do you think that you could just believe her
When she shines her light
And everything will be alright
They are not just grey platitudes of wishes
That flit across your mind as you’re washing the dishes
And a sudden plate falls from your grasp
Ceramic but it shatters like glass
All over the hardwood floor
Or tiled with patterns you adore
And there’s a mess
Like a man and woman in undress
Fixing pieces together
But the target moved and now the weather
Is spilling snow
Oh, all that you did not know
When you were young 
Was I always this highly strung 
And a friend permits
Me to call it quits
On anxious furore
Who are they after, who was I before
Indeed, was there ever a pre
Or is it just me
Who clatters the makings of another dawn
Something whispers; “they’re not gone”

Hotfire Bitch

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You’re a hotfire bitch
You drive around the town
Spitting out air 
Like I want you around
But the Grace has fallen
Like a star to earth
You try to stick
To the old hurt
But it don’t last
Coz it’s in the past
And I don’t hate you
But the love is gone
(Was it just attachment
All along?)
And we were young 
And running through grass
How did I know
That it wouldn’t last
As you would attack
Every time I turned my back
Take me down 
Because of what you lack
But the sky split the seam
And the lightning struck
And you can’t read me
I’m not a good book
So talk or don’t 
Reach out but I won’t
Ever let you in again
Go play your tune
To some of your men
And write me off
Is it bad I’m glad
Over what I’ve lost

Writhing The Story

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Torturing yourself won’t bring her back 
And hating yourself won’t cure the lack
That bubbles up out of your skin
You can’t lose, so you just win
And sigh that it’s all predetermined 
You’re in your seat but you’re squirming 
With the uncomfortableness of it all
John Mayer and the free fall 
That was 2012
Time to take a deeper delve 
And stand your sacred ground
As you hear the sound
Of tomorrow on the breeze
Not all men come to leave
Only the shadows knocking on your door
Repeating the refrain of you don’t love me no more
But it’s just an ancient pain
Playing on repeat again
To make a symphony out of the sound
Of the love and faith abound
In the green green grass of home
My love, you are never alone

The Power Of My Voice

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The power of my voice
I speak and it’s not by choice
It’s like God has hold of my tongue
And I surrendered to Him when I was young
Now he commands more than I can believe
I let Him move me and it relieve
The pressure that’s been building
Up in my soul
Does a wave know it’s water
When it starts to roll
Only to crash back into the sea
Never really leaving the vicinity 
Of ocean all the time
I thought I could call the people mine
But they turned on me and the desire
Burned in me like sulfurous fire
Always aching to reach out beyond
They lock me up and I abscond
Only to be returned to the same place again
The bathroom floor and me are great friends
And it is cool against my cheek
Do you remember that time I got weak
And collapsed in front of the class
I didn’t know the Revelation last
Now I’ve got vines pulling at my hands
I’ve got an hourglass and it’s slipping sand 
But does God just turn it when the time runs out
So He can achieve without any doubt
And is there a way I can transcend 
Something about the riverbend 
And being open to what you don’t know
I held on so tight, now I let go
And the winter can’t stop me loving the snow 
His hand connected with the wrong side of a blow
And I was felled just like a tree
Except it didn’t really happen to me
Just some grass in the forest
I don’t know what I’m doing, if I’m being honest
But the road is paved, the path is beaten
And I can’t avoid the moment I meet Him
There in the woods of ill repute 
You wear a dress, I’ll play the flute
And music will last for the whole night
I look up and grin because I am alright

Evolution

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Are we all just slowly burning fuses
And I dance in the garden with all the muses
But they never seem to inspire me
They just tire of me
As I sing the same old tune
The feel of you being in the room
When it all went down
Now you’ve got the crown 
And they could call you king or god
But you’re not the name I call when I need the Lord
The one who never fails to show
He picks up what you let go
What you saw as infantile
Just makes my Jesus smile
And I was in the undergrowth
When he saw me start to slow
And he grabbed my hand
Showed me how he understand
All of my multiplicity 
Never calling fake on me
Just chameleon to fit the shape
Of what I need to escape
The rotary burn of the wheel
That crushes how the people feel
With their own doing nice
And old age doesn’t come twice
If it’s what you need
And we all bleed 
So there’s no need to cut
What you fear in another’s shut  
Door to your open green
Don’t you see that life’s a scene
Playing out on the screen of us
So I open up my closed heart and trust
And it’s a white knuckle ride, my boy
You were a sort of joy
I found on Twitter 
Do I just end up bitter
Coz I never had what you say
Is pertinent in the going away
That we’ve all been through
There’s nothing like the magic of you

Somewhere Clandestine

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Stuck in ‘08
It was my date with fate
As it led me to your door
Did you want me more
More than I can attest
And we’re both fully dressed
But I feel your eyes rake over me
Like we’re naked with destiny
Just us and the come what may
And you fill up the gaps in what I cannot say
But it’s subterfuge and we’re resting in hiding
But there’s something of love that is all abiding
Now you’re sharing your soul with someone else
With skin so thin you could make a heart melt 
With the fire that burns off you
It seared a part of me too
And I can’t change the fact of you
I’m not the same and neither are you
But we both kinda are
Like the atoms forged in a star
Or the matter that make time and space
Bend the equivalent of the human race
To the tune of light refract
I never said no but I still want you back
Standing outside my window
It’s true there were days that I looked at him, though
And I cannot deny my feelings were real
With the depth of the red that he deal
An ace of hearts
And mine almost starts
To beat double time
He was the essence of fine
As he’d crack a smile in my direction
Like he’s open to cards if I make selection
And he lives just across the hall
And he kinda caught the ball
When I threw it at him
Is it a decision I cannot win
Coz I love them all 
The truth in my own freefall

Threadbare

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It’s threadbare, the stitching of us
We’re nothing if not broken trust
Coz you swallowed the bullet I handed to you
You stitched the thread and pulled it through
And the chandelier shatters on the floor
How could I hate what I adore
As he drives a splinter into my soul
And it’s just a memory, the being whole
Coz it cascaded
And the beauty faded
Into a midnight of ill repute
And there’s that picture of him in a suit
But he moved on, he forgot me
It’s like a rope and the fibres knot me
Into a thread I long to fray
Is everything thing okay?
But he turns away and the darkness reigns
The years of doing things in vain
And trying to get back to the level playing field
I watched them sway in the wind and yield
Down by the lake
And do you know what love forsake
When it took him from me
Like the ocean to the sea
In wondrous tones
I always end up alone
Though I’ve got friends and I’ve got family
But in the dead of night there isn’t any way
You can avoid the dark
Just waiting for that holy spark
To light the fuse
Why did you think you were something I could use?
Maybe it was the song
And d’ya know, you weren’t wrong

Incognito Window

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Incognito window, I’m under the radar
I don’t know about the force or Darth Vadar
But I know that I can make planets spin
With the love that’s inside and the peace within
And it’s all blowing leaves off the trees
There are no words for the wonder it frees
When the weight just drops
The what you are’s in the space the love’s got
And I am not a mountain but I am not hill
I can move power with the strength of will
And she never helped me out
But I guess that’s just the space in doubt
To be forgotten or held so close
Do you see through what I love the most
Or must I just let it die
Not be afraid to spill tears and cry
Over what is yet to come
And a woman takes away the man’s son
What can you do but acquiesce 
The movement’s in the way you dress
And shoulder weight like diamond mines
I’d let it go coz it’s fine
In the sunshine and the rain
I don’t think that I can do this again
So I relinquish the right to be wrong
And open heart into a song
To make it alright again
I give up on the world you spin

Here I Come

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Am I about to dive into the rabbithole scene
I haven’t felt love like this since it was just a dream
And his words are fuckin’ insane
But I still remember his name
And the way his hair curls around in locks
The way he walks a palace that time forgot
And shows me in mornings what’s up for the day
At least that’s what she said when I asked her, okay? 
And you know in the quiet what’s left to be said
You’re always making your home where you lay your head
And find something honest and real and true
That was just with them and now it’s with you
In the maybes you ache as you shout a refrain
I love the hope of you and I walked through the rain
To be the storm centre, the very eye
Take care of yourself and make sure you don’t die
At least for another fifty or so years
Make art out of pain when the canvas is tears
And look up to the heavens when the sky clears
I drink one to you when I’m having my beers 
I’ll laugh out loud and simply guffaw
When I’m running from stares and the vacancy law
That seems to hold court and company
I don’t know about you but I’m down on one knee
Professing my love to the moon and stars
Do you remember the days when it was prison bars
And nothing meant anything to anyone you know
Now you wave at me as I watch you go
With the train that has taken you from the station
I guess congrats are in order for the celebration 
Of all you have earned that is duly yours
And I know you could say that this is all words
When I never make it out of the snowstorm that snaps
Full of whodunnits and who gives a craps
And at least if I’m honest I’ll say this to you
You gave perfect a spin now the ancient is new
Now the midnight is dawn and all the renew
You cut fabric in strips out of jeans that are blue
So you’ve something to wear when the darkness escapes
And teach me the truth that not all heroes wear capes

Taking The Scene

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She made a run for the dash
A finish line of I want cash
And it was as though I was the bank
No one there you gotta thank
And she drew from me the ebb and the flow
Til I conceded to let her go
And it was not without reservation
But I’m not tuned to that tv station
And really sad could be a description 
But it wasn’t I who forced the eviction 
As she moved my hand to sign the ink
The sign on the wall said “think”
And I fell apart in the ruins of us
It was as though I couldn’t trust
Even my step to hold firm
And I know there are things to learn
But you had me in close by the soul
Til you told me that you don’t roll
With the punches like I do
And I have to
Accept that you 
Are distancing and space in between
What was summer is now just a dream
I had at fifteen
I let you go and leave the scene



Photo: Chad Greiter on Unsplash.com

If I Could Then I Would

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It was just a random Tuesday
I walked back to school
There was nothing happening
All was cool
All was fine
And that was the last time
I was free of the knowledge that
You were gone
I haven’t thought about it in so long
I came in the gate
The sun was shining
I wasn’t late
And I walked round the corner
Met Natalie
She looked with crying eyes at me
Expecting me to know
I panicked as I realized truth
Was hitting me again in youth
Who? Who? 
And she let the name go
I was reeling with the blow
And we passed each other by
I stared at the sky
All I could think was
Where’s my school bag
I have to get my stuff
Why is it so important
What I’m not thinking of
And we gathered in the Oratory
Like a smashed piece of glass
And one of the girls hugged me 
She sat beside me in class
And all I could think of 
Is you love
And I try not to feel
The sensation
I lean on the others 
For consolation
And I caught my maths teachers eye
As my sister fell into my arms to cry
And he looked away
There was nothing to say
Coz how do you deal with it
Death, the punch
One minute you’re fine
Just coming back from lunch
Next minute the Chaplain
Has us all in a bunch
And I didn’t cry
The tears wouldn’t come
And you were just
So young, so young
And I shut off my feelings 
For the next fifteen years
Coz I haven’t lost you
If I don’t cry the tears
And hold it all together
But the sky is rainfall
And loss is the weather
And I try to recall
So I won’t forget
Every memory of you
That’s fresh in my mind yet
And what would you say
To us all
I have the faith 
That you’re not gone at all
But watching over us
And blessing the ground
That we walk
You hear every sound
And catch every weep
I take tablets to help me to sleep
As I fall asunder
Is it any wonder
But something in me just holds you fast
You’re in our hearts so you haven’t really passed
And I’m finally opening the doors to talk
About the confidence in your walk
And the way you just breeze on through
I hope that you know I still miss you
And that I still feel your light on days
I find you in quieter ways
As you whisper your love in the moment I break
I let it go for God’s sake

Diesel Is Desire

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Diesel is desire
And if there’s a spark it’ll catch fire
And explode
I didn’t know the less travelled road
Was a trail to blaze
Oh, all the cities I raze
To the ground
Just to hear the sound
Of tomorrow’s bells
Will we all burn in hell
As we make hell on earth
Poison the soil we call dirt
Then throw it at each other
Coz we can’t grow from it, brother

He Reaches Out To You

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Love, he reaches out to you
And, God, I don’t know what to do
But I move my feet
To the tune of his beat
And it’s not quite a dance
Coz it’s woken from the trance
And music don’t sound the same
But I vibrate to the holy name
Of the one who saved my life
Not once but more than I’d like
And I’ve been relegated in the extreme
But it’s only within the dream

My Jesus

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My Jesus opened the door
He let me see that there’s something more
Beyond the chasm of calls
The teaching of words, the world’s enthralled 
And I was on my knees begging to sky
Watching someone I love slowly die
Why don’t you do something, where are you
But you took her and put me through
Some kind of hell
What is it the story that you tell
That the Almighty is all that exists
Then why did you put me on your list
And it’s a sudden awning pain 
Like the cold when you’ve been out in rain
And I’m on the floor
With my head resting against the door
And a sudden spark ignites
Wherefrom did all these lights
Appear
And I hear her say, my dear
Like she always did when she was alive
And her flowers didn’t survive 
But something she planted did, God knows
It’s been living in me and it shows
So I wash my face, dry my tears
And I’ve been holding it in for years and years
And it’s finally singing a song
My Lord, you did nothing wrong 
And it’s more than a future reunite
It’s a love that holds you in the night
When you’re punching the air
Cursing all that isn’t there
But something new is born
The moment that the fabric’s torn

The Part Of Me

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It was shallow water
And I waded in deep
I stayed up all night
When everyone was asleep
Just to write love letters to the stars
And you know my prison bars
Were something I could see around
Did she make a sound
When she crossed the floor
And I used to adore
The ground she walked on
Til I became something she talked on
And I swore I would keep something secret
It’s not like bread, you cannot eat it
Only muse on what you have become 
And it was dark and I was young
But she showed me the light
As I exploded into kryptonite
Shattered glass on the floor
But I wanted more
Than just some addendum you throw a bone
Maybe I’m better off all alone
Or with the ones I can stand
I hate to say it but it was underhand
The way you tore me down 
I played the thief, you played the clown
And you know I felt sorry for you
Despite what you put me through
As I diary entries that I can’t speak
You hit me hard and I was weak
And the fire seemed to catch
I left the room, you left the latch
Open like I’m coming through
But we lost what I had with you

Writing My Storm

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Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com
Writing my storm
Well, at least I'm warm
Coz the thunder rumbles 
And the lightning cracks ground 
And I can feel the heat surround 
As the cold front meets it match
An opposite in a roof of thatch
As it sets fire to what it knows
And it's, you know, anything goes
And I've destroyed everything I once had
I speak my mind and I feel bad 
But at least I'm living 
Is it time for more forgiving 
Of the grudge match I keep with her
Coz I'm mad at what we were 
As she'd take a little pick
And chip away at me, so to speak 
Carving out a Michelangelo
From all the places I will not go 
Til suddenly the dial it spins 
And she's cast from my withins
In a door slamming shut on time
I can't acquit you for this crime
Coz if I did you'd do it again
And I don't know if I can call you friend
As you take what you used to know
And sacrifice it on the go
On an altar you worship days 
And I'm confused in so many ways
Coz I thought we were cool but I resolve
Not to be a problem to solve
But the answer I've always craved
I guess it's Heaven and the unsaved

The World Must Turn

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The night came down on my like an evening
There was a day when I stopped believing
In all that I'd been taught to know 
Coz it don't explain the way that you go
And I stand there looking 
But it's to no avail
And there is a moment 
When all words fail 
And all that's left
Is the tears
And I cry them 
For years and years 
With no break in the monsoon
And when I'm alone in my room
I can express what you mean to me 
And how we have our date with destiny
I held on tight
But nothing can extinguish the light
Once it has started to burn 
I finally realise why the world must turn

In The Dark

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I stumbled across the room
Toward my bedside table
I say pull yourself up
By your bootstraps if you’re able
But this loss is quenching
It burns every fuse
I get up to know
I’ve everything to lose
As we are feeble
Matchstick people
And we pray for salvation 
Under a steeple
But it does no good
(Or maybe it do)
All that I know
Is that I lost you
In the avenues of a house
With many rooms
You were seventy seven 
And He took you too soon
So I walk with a limp
Or something defective
I try to be brave
But my attention’s selective 
As I hope for deliverance
From the decree
That say time
And Death are tracking me
Down and I swim
But the moment paused
And I met him
As I threw back and laughed
With the full of my heart
And I gave it away
In full not in part
Now he lives his life
And I count the days
We have on a clock
We don’t get no replays
Except that it all happens now
I stir and wake myself up somehow
From the dream that had been a spool
It’s called enlightenment and it’s hella cool
As I dance round the school
In my old fashioned jeans
And we’re all queens
Of our own domain
I took a breath
And accepted the pain
Temporary as it may be
It’s life and it’s talking to me

The Measure Of Love

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To cry is not the measure of love
When I think of them I look above
And put a hand on my chest
They are the souls that know me best
And though our time together in form ran out
That you exist is beyond all doubt
As I read between all the lines
Have trust and faith in the Divine
To carry our rivers out to the sea
I don’t feel you’ve really left me 
But stand beside me day by day
Making sure I am okay 
Like you always did when you walked with me
Driving cars and drinking tea
Or playing drafts til the light went down
By the fire or in town
And I know, I just know that you’re still here
Like all of the things that I hold dear
Never to be put away
Not just something people say
But real and true in honesty
There’s no ending of you and me
But forever as a side by side
You’re as near to me and always alive
As when we shared the kitchen space
I’ll always cherish your beautiful face
And the love for me that you gave
I pray midnights and by day
For your soul to be free and near
I still sense your presence here
As you hold my hand and wake me up
When I’m in sadness like it’s not enough
And the waves of grief don’t consume
Coz I still feel you in the room
Guiding me on and forth
Connecting my spirit with the source
Of all life that we share
Thank you for always being there

Two Dogs Snarling

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We became like two dogs snarling
In the days I called you darling
And you spit your words out at me
I let you go free
Like we’re aching from our history
You and the mystery 
As ages pass us by
And we love but we don’t know why
And we fight and we try
But we can’t forgive the lie
And you smile but it’s faint and half hearted
And I just remember when we started
And how it is so different now
I still see you through the wind somehow

50 Year Stand

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We could have a fifty year stand
And I could live with holding your hand 
But I could never be bound to profess
That I’m anything more than this minidress
And what I’m meaning to confess
Is that I reach for you in my distress
But I don’t see forever in your eyes
Because, you know, everybody dies
And I lost him at seventeen
When I wasn’t even in the dream
Just walking back from lunch
Ignoring that petty hunch
That had you sidelines and sideways
I don’t care what anybody says
Anymore coz they’re all liars
And I’ve set one too many fires
Under who I’m meant to be
I’ve grown up but still don’t see
And the diagrams all refract
The way you can’t get people back
Once you’ve lost your hold on them 
If I could would I live it again?
Just to feel the same old pain
If you walk on grass do you curse the rain
That made it green and fresh
It’s been years but I don’t forget

Greatest Regret

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Is marriage the line I cannot traverse
And I can only watch them rehearse
And get ready for the big day
Pretend I don’t care anyway 
When all I love is walking down the aisle
And seeing you turn and spill a smile
Into my eyes eternally
But you’re looking at her, not me
And I shouldn’t be jealous
Or covet what’s hers
It’s just you were mine
Amongst the firs
As we make Heaven
Come down to Earth
And I wash away 
The pain that you hurt
With, to you and many
Now I see her in your gaze 
And there isn’t any
Anything I can do to change
The way the molecules rearrange
To the sound of sulfur on your breath
Tinged with my greatest regret

Is This Goodbye

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Is this goodbye
Now I’m letting go
Of the pain that had me
Wedded to you, you know
And every tale
I keep in a locket 
Is a symbol of 
How they forgot it
Coz the season changes
And time renews
And what’s bad in the morning
Becomes old news
I click my heels together
When I hear your name
It’s been an ocean
And I won’t be the same
But loving you slightly 
Will always be
Taking a dram
Of straight destiny

Pride

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Like a bottle of vitriol 
I keep on call
Like I’m talking to crowds
And then to the wall
Coz I’ve got this pulse
That hammers my veins
And I keep hearing quotes
And magnificent refrains 
That call me to be 
Something new
And I don’t owe anything 
To the memory of you
Coz I fight with the dream
The fabric I’d crafted
I remember the moment
That you felt I laughed at
All you could not be
And you always said
You were jealous of me
And I kept it like a secret
Honor bound
Til you changed your tune
And the sound
Turned to clashing symbols 
I’m covering my ears
Waiting for the air to clear
And tell me that I’m 
Safe again
And I found dew drops
In the eyes of men
To patch up
What you tore of me
But I love them honest
So I set them free
To keep what I’d taken
In circumstance
But they always 
Ask me to dance
And I can’t say no
But where would you go
If you knew the truth
The black mark that became my youth
All because I 
Splintered the prose
And you simply
Took another road
That lead you down
An avenue
Don’t say that you miss me
Coz I don’t miss you
And I’m not gonna lie
And say it’s okay
I still remember 
The pain of that day
And the weeks and months
And years to follow 
When what had been full
Suddenly seemed hollow
And I can’t say that you
Carved out a mark
Coz there are no forms
In the magnificent dark
Only the feeling 
That all is well
Is it time
To show and tell

Ghost City

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Do you really want to know what lies in Ghost City
It’s all victimhood and self pity
As the doors all swing shut
And I’m obsessed with the land my heart abuts
Because it’s never right now, it’s always tomorrow 
And I make a living out of sorrow
As I trek to nowhereland
Do you know life’s made of sand
And the hourglass holds your hand 
As it quietly evaporates
You can journey through many states
But the most valuable just might be
The ones that require integrity
To get through intact
Is it a sin I don’t want you back
And forgiveness flows through my veins
But I’ve spent years in imaginary chains
Thinking of what you did to me
Constructing some kind of history
That makes sense of the haunting tone
When I’m in my room all alone
But it’s always been with me
As I grapple with intensity
And let people believe the lie
That death is when people cry

Just This Peace

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There’s just this peace
And I know that it should really cease
When I’ve lost someone
But love is not done
And expands from out my heart
As quick as a skip rhythm part
And in time with tune
There is a presence in the room
That announces this
It is more than a first kiss

Sister Soul

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Ijust wanna protect her
And I’m so mad that he’d reject her
And ruin her starlit shine
It’s kind of like the light that used to be mine
And now she sings of a defeat, years ago
I close my eyes because I should not know
But I do
I still feel you
In the cobwebs of my mind
Kind of like a secret I’ve left behind 
And we tangled up our avenues 
I sing of heaven without you
And innocence lost
She paid the price but at what cost

Losing The Love Of My Life

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Losing the love of my life
I always wanted to be his wife
And I’m unscripted, I’m undue 
And I’m running from anything but you
Coz you’ve got lashes, you’ve got hair
You’ve got Presence amid the being there
And I smile and I laugh
And you catch another raft
As it shoots out into the world
You’ve got a life, you’ve got a girl 
And I would never want to interfere
It’s just I love you always, dear
In the moments come unbidden
Amid all that remains hidden
In butterflies and in cymbal clash
The rain comes to pour on me and lash
Out down from the heavens
I’m kicking stones hooked up to sevens
As a day each week that passes
Could be enough to outclass us
And I know you’ve got your sonnet ring
It’s just you don’t know everything 
Not half as much as you profess to contain
Must I hear you again explain 
All I am in neat little quotes
Must I be student to take notes
And hear once more what you say
It’s all in the going away
But what if I choose to remain
A dash of paint to upskill the rain
As it colours the window grey
But we live in Ireland so come what may
In brutal asides and centerfolds 
The path we walk is made of gold
And must we unknow the way
To mean what the people say
In amounts that fall due
And I’m so taken with the fire of you
As you tip your hat to another trope
And I’m just driving by the coast
With the sound of sea in my ears
I brush away the errant tears
That make lanes from my eyes
To mirror that of rainy skies
In all that I profess is true
It’s pure in love and it’s with you

Redeeming Qualities

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
I’ve tried
And I can’t make it work
I know love
Isn’t meant to hurt
And all of this
Bending myself into shapes
While the hero of the story
Quietly escapes
It shows me that
The grass ain’t green
And you can’t make Heaven
Out of a dream
All the flimsy material
To wrap around
Your idiosyncrasies
And your distinct sound
That I hear
From far away
But there’s nothing
You can say
To explain
What you’ve ripped
I guess you could call it 
A head trip
Coz it really
Messed with my mind
But it’s okay
I’m leaving it behind
And you can have
An opinion or two
Just know that I
Will never belong to you

Second Guess

.Reading time 2 minutes.
You’re in the past
But the feeling’s still present
I wonder if I could
Knock on your door guessing
Wondering 
If you’d let me in
And I would explain
Everything about him 
That it was momentary
A flash in the pan
But you are everything
That I am
And I’d pause and then say
Wait for you to reply
Hope we could be close 
Before we both die
Coz life is so brief
It’s barely a flicker
I ran after you
Your steps just got quicker
Til you slowed yourself down
To the sound of my voice
Say, I didn’t know
That there was a choice
And look at me 
In a sort of awe
I’m sorry I’m lovely
And kind of outlaw
And you take forever
Just to answer
Say, I took you for love 
Not a dancer 
And I beg you to listen
With the words that I say
It’s just I’ve never been heard
In quite that way
And the silence is deafening 
But so is the noise
And I’ve been all about men
And one of the boys
But you take time
To really know me
I give you space
As we walk so slowly 
Into a garden
That none suspect
I thought our love
And the whole thing was wrecked
But you say it’s not
And you press my pulse
Into my wrist
As the lightning dulls
The terrifying pain
Of being right here
And not knowing what
To say to you, my dear
But there is just an always
In between us it resides
And my heart’s the kind of thing
That simply abides
In the summer, in the winter
Trundling through the snow
I loved you so much
I let you go
But if you really
Want to be right here
Then I am waiting
For you, my dear
The doors unlocked
And you have a key
So no need to go
Second guessing me
No need to go drawing
A line in the sand
Just look into my eyes
And hold my hand
And feel my heart
Beating tremor
It’s just like you’ve
Found true love forever

The Age Of Yesteryear

.Reading time 1 minute.
The age of yesteryear
Reminds me of how things should be
I see myself running through fields
Endlessly free
I see myself bog bound
As we bring home the turf
I see myself in Delphi
As we learn how to surf
And I can't hold onto the weight 
Of passing time
I can't isolate a memory
And call it mine
And I'm flicking through pages
Though substance be naught
I'm dreaming of sages
In a net where I'm caught
And they call it samsara 
Or the endless spin
They call it karma
But can you let love in
To break across the landscape
Like a sunset to dawn
Can you finally realise
A state where pain is gone 

Photo by Iwan Shimko on Unsplash.com

Isn’t That The Way

.Reading time 1 minute.
I hate the pain
Isn’t that what they say
But I couldn’t have had it
Any other way
And you kick your shoes
Up in the dirt
I never knew love
Could make you hurt
But I hold you fast
And pray that this moment last
But it was never enough
To quench my thirst
I’m a fire burning embers
As we argue across the genders
That seem to have accumulated between us
I dunno, do you think God dreamed us
Up into a sort of creation
It’s more than winter by the station
It is summer kissing booths
Reliving the passion of our youth
But I’m all but done with photo albums 
I feel the pound of beating drums
Calling me back to your door
And I fainted on the floor
Yes, right out of my standing
To the dreams that they are handing
Out like they’re truth
And you just take aim and shoot
Your bullet at my heart
Your aim is good, I feel the dart
Strike me sharp and true
Am I marked with the brand of you
Or am I forever effervescent 
Meeting you in essence
I let the fire go
But I still burn with it, you know


Photo by Freddy Kearney on Unsplash.com

The Star That Shines

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Dazzling star I want to sing you a song
That you could never ever put a foot wrong
That you are sitting so high in the sky
And I’m gonna love you til the day that I die
And you are so shy but you’re strong and secure 
And my God do you reflect something pure
As it’s dancing in your eyes like a moon on a lake
And all these cobblestones I will forsake
As I make my way to you once more
Do you think he’d be behind the closed door
And all I’d have to do is knock
I sure think he still loves me a lot
And gentle is the sound that you resound
You give me the feeling of solid ground
And I wish to hold you but you’re far away
Probably making loads of other people’s day
Like you shone in mine for a while
I will never forget the smile
You smiled at me when I stopped at your place
I hold dear that look on your face
And what a night, it is billowing smoke
And I’m older now and more prone to joke
Around just a little bit
And boy were you looking fit!
But it’s more than that and I think you know
Yours are fields I would love to go
And lay down in the meadow and contemplate the stars
A billion lights to show me what you are
And hold your hand or lift up your head
Do you think I could love you instead?
Instead of this incessant wandering around
I think you were the home that I found

Candyfloss Dreams

.Reading time 1 minute.
Craving that sugar rush
And you were my favorite crush
And you smile and I see stars
Running and I’m chasing cars
Down the street like a dog and its tail
You know that you’re bound to fail
When you set yourself up like that
And I know I want you back
But you use a poké attack
And I’m left standing on my own
After I left my colours shown 
Wondering why with so little a endeavor
At civility, I could never
Understand just why and when
And I’m always hoping to see you again
But I just don’t get men
Coz you shout then you wish I was there
I ask for your love and you say you don’t care
And you’re harsh and unpleasant and drive me away
Did you mean to sabotage my stay?
Or were you just anticipating the leave
I watch you silent and I believe
That there’s more to you
But I just don’t know what to do
As I let your hand go to your side
And I’m okay but I think you have cried
Will you remember this for me
I loved you so I set you free

The Forest and the Memory

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Am I just gonna have to let you go
Coz there doesn’t seem to be any way to know
That you are here and you are there
And you know I’ll always care
As the forest closes in on the memory of us
And I dunno where to place my trust
As the ages all fold one into the other
You’re my soulmate, yeah you’re my brother
And I really hope that you’re well
But there doesn’t seem to be any way to tell
Except just to live in the light
And pray to God that you’re alright

Questions For God

.Reading time 6 minutes.
I trudged through the snow
I am miserable or don’t you know
No reply
Why on earth does everyone die
My feet crunch the ground
I savor the essence of unreciprocated sound
I mumble aloud
And relish the silence away from the crowd
And grumble two tone
Why do you always leave me alone?
It’s always like this
Together for a moment and then you just miss
All the ways you felt complete
The gravel groans beneath my feet
As I haul the bin up the hill
If only love was an effort of will
I could turn this around
But emptiness is the only sound
And I cherish the day
He looked in my eye and then looked away
It’s in a video reel
And for years anger is all that I feel
How dare you take him away
There’s no point reaffirming that he cannot stay
But the eyes are all empty as I look for a reason
A kind of vacancy that is all out of season
Perhaps my misery
Will prove how much he meant to me
But the anguish just twists
And I merely coexist 
With the essence of death
Counting each in and out of my breath
Or heartbeat
It’s iambic pentameter against my feet 
Anyway
I don’t believe in what they say
They’re all crying
And then proclaim Heaven is for the dying

Flashback, it’s been twenty years
So I question my thoughts and dry my tears
To the age of youth
And the darkness of day the sun didn’t suit
But I found him there, among the ashes and the rubble
He looked at me and burst my little bubble
And I give thanks to what once I hate
The God of Love to make me irate
By stealing all I could call my own
I’m lying in bed and praying for home
But it never comes
Oh, the trauma of being young
I’m undone
And somehow I feel this song has been sung
By someone
Years before I begun
It’s getting old
Like the body I hold
And the days are all long
Then suddenly short
And all of the principles that I exhort
Prove to be vain
And I stand outside in the pouring rain
To catch the air
Do you believe in the power of prayer
To let go into
Can I be
Something more
Than destiny
Because this body I wear
Is all athletic and long brown hair
Do you resonate
With what is only a temporary state
We’re all on the move
From the moment of spark to the point that I prove
What have you got to lose
Only the worldview you live to excuse
What don’t you settle here
Under a tree as it breathes you clear

I snap out of it
Is to give in the same as to quit
And I’m going with it
A sort of defiance I never admit
But the beer bottle’s empty and I’m reaching for wine
I am the queen of a helluva time
But really it’s empty coz I cannot decide
Which stop is my own if this life is a ride
I breathe in the air
And think of the way he suddenly stare
A moment out of time
Like immortal just stepped out of line
And my gumption and war
I don’t know what this is for 
As I twirl his name
On my fingernails like it’s just the same
As yesterday
He pierced the veil then went away
And I love him so
But goodbyes around every corner, you know
And I wish and hope
He’s found someone real, something cool, something dope
But anyway
Returning to that which I cannot say
It hit me like light
And set a fire to ignite
And I’m all the trees
The wood of could you ever believes
And I see his face
A recognition no time could erase
To be angry at God
Give him back to me again, oh Lord
But it doesn’t work that way
Apparently and what I say
Falls on deaf ears
And is it just temper to coax the tears
Until I can’t stop them and they pour as rain
I’m awake in the night all over again
To be left behind
Is to spend some time trapped in your mind

But He woke me up
And He called that love
Though I can’t express
What I’m thinking of 
Caught in a decider
So perfectly fate
And the present moment
Means you don’t wait
But I’m always counting time
On the watch, on the clock that isn’t mine
Do you think it could be
That we all live eternally
In some dimension
In a realm of time that by extension 
Means we don’t have to suffer
And I’m always thinking of her
And what I’ve lost
I sob til the tears exhaust
My futile will
It’s everything that must fill
The pail of water to the brim
I remember when it was the two of them
Under the sun
By the gate
They wouldn’t approve 
Of me in this state
But how am I
To know the reason that they die
If I don’t weep
It’s kind of like some bargain I keep
But it’s letting me go
The pain and the suffering you know
And pay testament to
The Heavenly I found in you
And remember quiet
That I don’t have to try to defy it
Only surrender
Maybe love is what I engender

To Be In Relationship

.Reading time 1 minute.
Do you have to hide a part of yourself
To be in relationship with
And I’m all
Sarcastic wit
But do you think you could love me
For my flaws
Instead of the sun
The icicle thaws 
But the feeling gnaws
And eats me up for dinner
But I’m seeing through the sinner
As the light reflects kaleidoscopically
There’s a mountain to every valley
And I look down from mine
At all the colors that make the sun shine
And I remember
Skipping a beat
The moment that
I felt the heat
As you hold your eyes on me
And I lose it all by degree
Do you think you could hold my hand
And live up to what we had planned
But I tore down the picture 
Wouldn’t live by the stricture 
Of a voice that commands
Is that what it means to love a man
I’d rather be alone
But I still stare at my phone
And the quiet it imbues
The door slams as I sing the blues
And I know there’s better than this
I’m sorry I didn’t think to miss
The last line of the song
Stop telling me that I’m wrong

Having To Let You Go

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
It's not that easy
All this having to let you go 
I didn't think
I'd have to do it, you know
I thought we could
Go on forever
But now every endeavour
Speaks of you 
As you go on with your life
And ardent devotion over strife
Seems to capture my days
And there are so many ways
To miss what we had 
And to regret 
What turned out bad
Could you forgive
If I live and let live
And consent 
To being the presence 
Where heaven went

Hidden Saviour

.Reading time less than 1 minute.

I saw Jesus in your eyes
Did I ever tell you so
Well I wasn’t supposed to
So I guess that’s a no
And I’d always loved
My hidden Saviour
He never reprimanded
Me my behaviour
Only spoke softly
To point out the way
Picked me up from the earth
When it wasn’t going away
And for a moment
I thought you had stole
The power of safety
The man in my soul
So I turned away
Only to hide
I’ve got to keep
My Jesus alive
But there’s an impending
Crucifixtion
I wonder can you read it
In my diction

Artwork: Jared Emerson – Face of God

It Itself

.Reading time less than 1 minute.

The one who’s troubled
And the one who sees
Share the same place
And so I grieve
For I am only
Occupancy
For all that I
Will never be
Til a different movement
Takes my hand
Collapse the ground
Upon which you stand
Collapse the mount
You made yourself
For it can’t be done
By anyone else

Fallen Trees

.Reading time less than 1 minute.

Lost to the ravages of time
Was the golden that used to be mine
That holy light
I’d touch the air and ignite
Now, no more
Every knock upon a closed door
But like she said
When different demons were in my head
Sometimes the way
Is made so you can’t even say
Yes to this or no to that
All you know is you can’t go back
In your dusty boots
Stumbling the rest of the route
Any water, please?
No, my dear, learn how to grieve
In the arid sun
I guess there’s still a Golden One

Image Credit: Huff Post, Becoming a desert girl

The Christ

.Reading time 1 minute.

https://open.spotify.com/track/5i2JGF65pHKSfMEjSMrBC3?si=5zbZax1WRja5ZgId1BxKEw

My Lord and Saviour
The light Supreme
The cracking sound
That wakes the dream
And I have laboured
In darkness too
In shadows and
Miles away from you
But you always come
And take my hand
Tell me softly
You understand
That life is trials
Adversity
But when you look
There will I be
And I went to the city
Hungry with life
Ambitions were
Just out of sight
And I reached my hand
But I never could
Catch hold of something
I call good
Til I’m back on my knees
Pleading to the sky
I saw beautiful
Shine from his eye
I saw commonplace
I saw unique
Felt silence that
No sound could speak
And my devotion is the answer
The steady beating tide
The heart inside my soul
That keeps the love alive
And I didn’t find Jesus in the pews
Or in all of my good deeds
I found him in the rain
And it’s all I’ll ever need

Investigative Journalism

.Reading time less than 1 minute.

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I know I can be a little abrasive
But if we’re talking flaws then you are evasive
Always dodging the questions I ask
Deciphering answers is quite a task
But one that I love to enjoy
You know I’m a girl? You’re just a boy
And you could never reach the tower I height
But if you are nice I’ll let you alright
And the view can be a double time
Instead of the solitary that is mine
Because being the best is a lonesome thing
When there’s no one to sit with you while you sing
And if you wouldn’t mind taking part…..
I’ll give you my jacket if you give me your heart

Collateral Beauty

.Reading time less than 1 minute.

I’m angry at you for stealing time
From me with you that should be mine
Before death takes you finally
I want to have you here with me
To love and to have and hold
I want to see you growing old
And grey haired man the boy I met
I promise I will not forget

Kingdom Hearts

.Reading time 5 minutes.

You’re full of love for the things you create
But I’m a place you can’t dominate
Though you may be king of the dormant domain
There are lands over which you don’t reign
And there is a motion that sits in the river
I will not make up for what you can’t give her
Struggle in the tide of a crocodile spin
When you cry tears there’s no way you can win
As I incline my head to that which you know
Don’t blame me for the feet you walk as you go
My hands are off the wheel of your car
But I’m still aware of who you are

Don’t bother faking the remorse
I’m sure time will have it run its course
And you don’t need to half ass what you feel you should say
I don’t believe you anyway
I’m sure you’ll buy her a real nice ring
And make the song hit the notes and everything
But you’ll never have me sign the sheet
To annul your previous fall and defeat
At the hands of a lesser God
I’ll watch you leave without a word
But don’t you dare look back
Its a permission that I lack

You’ve got loads of criteria for me to attain
But you can’t laugh at the sun and expect it to rain
As if I would give you all of my shine
So you could have a sword and take what is mine
Just another trophy to sit on your shelf
Add to the list to which she is as well
Narrow my eyes in suspicious slits
I guess I always expected no better than this
And if one and only has nothing to declare
Then you would have always been there
Instead of passing the parcel to other hands
Then claim you were true to your ancestors lands

Don’t make me laugh at your attempts
To sidle away and throw deference
I may be small but I’m fast as the wind
And I’m not merely an attenuation of him
To play the kind part of forgiving queen
Who holds in her heart the way it has been
And finds a way to live to pretend
If she just holds it in then it will come to an end
But no corseted lady am I
And there are things for which I would die
Rather than stage wise just lose breath
Over the things I cannot forget

I will not hold what is not for my soul
And if it’s by decision then was that all?
For will cannot paint what is by design
And what comes back will always be mine
And somehow I fear that there lies a string
Connecting me to everything
I feel the tug and then the pull
And life with you would never be dull
But I have a wryness in my smile’s edge
And it can’t help but turn up at the things that you said
As I, to my own supreme shame
Find myself redeemed by saying your name

As you with your talk and your wheedling charm
Find no shortage of girls to rub against your arm
And console and commit to the rogue in you
It’s just so enticing, the hole they fall into
As I watch from the cliff with my chin in my hands
Surveying the lay of the land as it stands
It’s so comical if it didn’t hurt
And when I tickle the humour it only gets worse
As I admit grudgingly that I admire
The divine devotion that you inspire
Least of all in one like me
How did this finger trap come to be?

But the authority returns from whence it came
And I’ll always be in the space I remain
Never moving, never knowing what lies beyond
The passage of time that is already gone
As I tip my hat to the extreme
And the pain without which I would not have seen
That all is illusion except what is real
And there is a peace even you cannot steal
Closing my eyes to the forest of trees
That is a life of you without me
In a place where existence is the only repose
I already am the thing that I chose

Moody Blues

.Reading time 4 minutes.

I have the FOMOODs, I can’t tell you what that means
Only that it is full of all my could have beens
That I spied on my head when I lay directly under
Stars of your making, just behind the thunder
In a field full of grass because I’m not afraid of rain
I got to see the sky held beneath the pain
And the smile that cracks the sunlight in your eyes
I was there to see the truth so don’t tell me that it’s lies
Because you can’t explain your way out of an escape
And I could be your hero, with or without the cape
Though I do not claim to fly or burn bullets with my vision
I can see right through you and do so with precision
As you surreptitiously suppose things that may come to be
You may not know it yet but you’re still looking for me
In all of the crevices and clothes that you pile under
You can’t run away now that I have your number
To ring up and to dial like I am death himself
We’re only counting days until we see there’s something else
So whatever you may find I know that it will ring
The bells of a tomorrow when you give me everything
And sacrifice your soul on the alter of this love
All I want is you and what you pointed out above
So, letters to the incomplete that never get returned
What do you do with them, after reading are they burned?
For what could you want with the musing of a child
Unless I was right and you’re not just in my mind
But real and exist beyond the combings of the ether
You got me alone so it gave me a breather
To know what it was like against my worser will
To stand by your side, fearfully still
Afraid to even move to disturb the interruption
Of the volcano that you are in the midst of my corruption
Of the wild flowers in fields, so delicately strong
They outlast the others that are long since gone
In all my misery and in all your fevered might
I think you held my heart and I let you see the light
That pulses to a beat that I cannot contain
Though it just gets louder when I feel that you’re in pain
Til crumbling and falling like a building to the ground
I pray for a silence to overtake the sound
But just like you, I cannot unhear
The power of the presence that I felt draw near
When we wore matching soles to skip across the dust
I used to believe in God, now you’re where I place my trust
And I know that in time you will give in to see
What has always been, before you, finally

Photo Credit: http://pin.it/N_HlOaR

Front to Bottom

.Reading time 1 minute.

I didn’t want to admit you were right about me
Cause it hurt too much that you had seen the truth
And you were willing to give me all of you
In recompense for what had happened to me
And I said no
I can do it alone
I don’t need you, I don’t need anyone
I’m just fine
And it was sort of true but a lie at the time
Cause when you matched puzzle pieces right to the marks I had made on my skin
I said no, I don’t want to let you in
And when you said “I would do just about anything for you”,
I turned you away because I knew you would
And I would lose you some day one way or another
Through my fault or your own or death taking us under
And I couldn’t let it in
No, I couldn’t let it in
Cause a world without you does not exist
And I want to do more than merely subsist
And now you don’t love me cause I threw it away
Well you sorta do, in the back of your mind kind of way
Cause you love everyone, even though you hate them passionately
You just wanna grow into all you’re meant to be
And I know you will
Well you already have
Why does it feel so bad?

Soft Eyes and Open Heart

.Reading time 9 minutes.

Am I really this invisible to you
I am red like fire but you are a dark blue
And I really wish you were the one that got away
But you gave birth to a love that was made to stay
And I know that you’re obsessed with everything female
And you loved the feeling of losing your chainmail
But just cause you aggregate the sum total of causes
Doesn’t give you accuracy in deciphering pauses
You point out my shallows where you are deep
Sometimes the silence holds more than I know how to speak
And if you judge a fish by its tree climbing strength
Then you’ll never be aware of where the genius went
As you relegate yourself in my eyes
To an outside chance who hop scotches in lies
But the main conclusion that you assume
Doesn’t even come close to what I felt in that room
And you throw aggrandisements like silky spider thread
And it kills me to think of who you take to bed
I know that’s intrusive and I’m not a perfect saint
But I fill in the blanks of the picture you paint
To be so possessive and controlling of my heart
I never thought I’d be the one to make a mark
Or a fine hit, I will assassinate
But I already met you and now it is too late
To be crashed and burned at the hamstrings of your feet
I don’t think they get me, you know they call me sweet
And you’re the only one who really ever understood
That I have a dark side and am not wholly good
At least in this respect as you dangle the bait
I grit my teeth like you do when you make me wait
As the forest and the trees, they all shout your name
I guess that you are right, I am not the same
As I was years ago but you didn’t like
What I offered so I had to make something right
And readjust the sails on the ship that I’m steering
I’m sad you don’t like the things that you’re hearing
As I try my best but it’s falling short
And you tell me so with no remorse
But the burden falls solely into your hands
And you may not like it but you’re the guardian of these lands
In a country that is free, in a garden green
I’m not fooled by the multitudes of people you’ve been
As you promise sanity and a well balanced life
But you hide your truth behind the trenches of a wife
To blockade the arms that are hunting you down
It’s not the same since you left the town
As I wander and I weary where we used to be
And you cultivate the anchorage that keeps you at sea
When all in a moment the silence grabs us both
We are neither sun nor sand, the ocean nor the coast
And fallibility will reign on my parade
I guess I’m just startled by all you put in the shade
With your elegant light and glowing finesse
I seek you out to ease my distress
As you softly imbue your quiet refuge
With a peace I will happily drown in to prove
My loyalty to all you stand for
I’ll take all you have and then some more
The subtlety of your sincere divination
We were both supposed to be at that station
But you never came, no you never arrived
I don’t really know how I survived
The blow that hit me coming in from the west
And I asked God if this was some kind of test
That never seems to end because I never have you
I hope she makes up for what I could never do
Lie out in the openness of unhindered stars
What you had lined up for me were prison bars
Even if you don’t see it I am more than a girl
To frame the picture you take of this world
And to be dressed up for the let down, you see
I knew it would come eventually
When I couldn’t live up to what you’d idealised
I am human and hurt that everything dies
Even you and you especially so
I am not here to keep you from where you want to go
You ask it of me to be ball and chain
But the sacred feminine runs in my veins
To be lifted up and glorified
You are no the lesser because you have tried
To be a man who honours what’s whole
We’re all innocent when it comes to our soul
And laid bare and genuine when it really comes down
To someone we love to be around
And I can feel the longing you ache
The dreams that you enter are the ones I forsake
To divine will, how could one person be
The purpose of life in his mortality
Ever second guessing steps I failed to take
I was looking in your eyes when I felt you shake
And all the world collapsed out from under me
I feel like I am falling but you say I am free
And you may be right but I wouldn’t think so
Still anywhere with you I would be prepared to go
But you watched me from the sidelines like an experiment
And you would push the pulse to see where the blood went
And I know you are gentle and the fragile breaks
But I couldn’t read your mind or preempt my mistakes
That were red flagging my appearance in your mind
As you considered what it would take to leave behind
The penny you picked up dirty from the dust
I don’t know if you felt it when I leaned into the trust
That you inspired by your gentility
Others may have held back but I lacked ability
To contain what was rising from somewhere deep within
Anything that he asks I will give to him
But what I am you already are
And you can’t see yourself even if you try hard
Cause a knife can’t cut itself with its own blade
And I can’t undo the mess that I made
Revolving my inner voice as you supermassive rocket
You can’t apprehend the reason that makes something of it
And my optic nerve leads directly to my brain
And all I can think of is a particular train
And I know that you are bitter in your anxiety
But this is not one sided and you could have talked to me
A delectable flower in the field you passed
But you were blindsided and I didn’t think to ask
What was troubling you as you make your headway
To a goalpost that surpasses what transpired that day
And I wished I could have touched you in the rain
But I owed one to death and you savoured pain
So I give you your due and let it take me
Thank you for the darkness bequeathed infinitely
As I smile at the sadness in your goodbye
I think that you mean it but I don’t know why

LightSaber

.Reading time less than 1 minute.

There’s a sadness in our laughter
And I can’t make the smile crack my eyes
There’s a pain underneath the surface
And it all feels like lies
Like the truth we cannot grasp
And I want to walk away
But we are now so seldom
Something makes me stay
And all of your excitement
Seems in direct contravention
To the lives that we have lived
And the things we do not mention
But, in truth, I do not blame you
That you kicked off from the shore
It just hurt to know
You don’t love me anymore

Echoes

.Reading time 2 minutes.

I’ve never really understood the term fun
I’ve always been searching for the mythical one
But that’s just a delusion of consciousness
Rather than what prompts me to a state of undress
And I know you bleed red at the edge of your eyes
As I’m pierced by the lance of your previous lies
As you bullet your rocket ship on its course
I can’t sacrifice to ease your remorse
When you left me on the landing and you didn’t care
But took away what once held me there
In vines and twines that could never be rope
But you gave me cause to begin to hope
As I watched the deflections you moved with your stare
Until you saw me catch you and laid it all bare
In an intimacy for which I was not prepared
I’m sorry if I came off a little scared
But the truth is I loved you beyond reproach
And I can’t take it back though they still coach
Me to say things the absence of which
Brings to the fore a doubt that will itch
As their minds run amok amid the scene
Of the decimation that I have been
Points them to decry me to swear off
The cause of what shattered my loss
But I cannot sigh enough tears to mean
That I don’t see the royalty of the king and queen
That we once were and ever are
You are my compass and I your North Star
In the echoes of a landscape we have left behind
Yes you broke me down but I don’t mind
For just one glimpse of your visage
Is worth saying goodbye to all I ever had