I read a book about the riverbed And the man working out in the shed Turned out to be A grandfather that had been missing me Since his passing And it’s classing Things as one or the other That separates you from your brother In arms or truth And misspent youth Is no secret to keep The days I’ve been dying in my sleep Trying to fly And I know that you die Every day I think of you Because separation between us two Is not something I can stare Down and just not care It’s been over twenty two years And it’s still as fresh today I asked God to never take away The wound so raw But the great thaw Is stilling the pain And the blood just falls on me like rain As I give up the grain That stains the wood I lean upon The tree of me that is long gone And it crumbled in the storm They say they were trying to keep me warm But it was their ice that burned my core And I don’t want to be part of it anymore So I escape to America I can’t say why the esoterica Always calls to me And points me to the door to the free That opens from within And in my heart I find him
The irrepressible nature of our friendship It keeps on coming back It’s not about all the towers we’ve built Or the modicum we lack Coz I see the stars in shapes and places See it reverberate on faces As everything comes shining down I’m just up the road now you live in town And we’re far away Though we used to play Together at the edge of fields Now summertime’s the way it yields To the storm on the western front It’s not just the season or the time of the month It’s in clouds that gather a while And I risk the thunder to see you smile An eon away And I’m glad you stay Though it terrified me to contemplate The idea of you in that state It’s in all my nightmares And it’s me that it scares When I wake up in the morning I look outside and the sky is storming Would you ever believe In me carrying less than it all on my sleeve And you sigh And say your own kind of goodbye And I try To make you see the sun That shines at the heart of everyone You disagree And most of all what you say to me Has me running like silver thread Pooled like a mothball in my head Oh, the mountain of you Do you think it could be in sight of us two Where we see the horizon Smiling now that we’ve got our eyes on It’s effervescent glow There is little that I show But one thing that is there for sure I’ve never found anything so pure As you and I Please don’t die Til our time, love I hug you coz you were sent from above Like a steady angel to my side You breathe in and I abide In the place I’ve almost been The realm of the unseen The place no hand can touch Is where I love you, oh, so much
The closeted feminist But now can I resist All the chains they put on me Say I must believe if I wanna be free Coz I don’t take sides And love just abides And lush is the grass of verdant green And what is carried out in the name of the queen As she sits on her throne I’m just myself when I’m on my own With no moniker And I don’t wanna be her Of stand alone pride I trust in the rush of being alive Do you see what I paint At the sight of blood I get faint And I waver every time I see Proof of what I don’t feel is me Can you just let go I’m not what you say I am, you know And how we’ve been trained But your conditioning is in vain As I collect All the things you say are wrecked Do you get what I mean Is this life but a dream Coz you can’t rely On everything that is destined to die And I Stand up just to let go Pull the needle through on the bed I sew Til it’s all but done I don’t think I am the only one To feel the heady weight of foolish glee You can stay on time, but it wouldn’t be me
The male aspect of consciousness Is forever inviting And the spin is all that I’m fighting As it is embodied in opposite contrast And I thought the Grand Canyon was vast But I can see it all when his eyes open up Find I have to take a second look And he blushes and he smiles And I escape all of my trials As he offers me his hand To pull me up, you will be grand And I dust myself down and brush myself off Remember the forever we held aloft And he is tough but he is soft Says that I don’t have to pay the cost Only let it go I had a thing for you, you know You and your hair And the fact that you were so there For me, for them, for all the rest I’m talking about love if you haven’t guessed And how it just grows like the grass And I know there were things you never asked In the silence still between us both Like the gusts of wind wrap the coast Is the feel of you near to me There were days I was set free To run afresh into open fields The power of the earth that wields Our love like it was candlelight I think you are a bit of alright And if you are to chance the storm Then I would like to keep you warm In the days we rest side by side Knowing what it is to be alive With somebody there for you There’s a journey somewhere for us two To take with two hands pulled in close I guess it was you that my love chose To shine afresh in the garden Of peace we know when we discard them Only for to know again Do you think that you could be my friend? And we could run like the wolves Be the thread that longing pulls To undo that unseemly knot I hope you know exactly what I mean when I say to you That I love everything through and through And all the midnight can’t take away The sunshine in the light of day And weather rolls and thunder rumbles But my castle never crumbles Only stands to be a fort And there is nothing to report But meaningful and the dawn I left with a sigh but I’m not gone Only holding onto the deep And the promise that you keep To be the steady, lonesome star Oh, the wonder of what you are!
There is a feast that keeps alive And there were times I didn’t want to survive The aching pull of forever As it dragged me to another endeavour Far across the sea And New York just wasn’t me When I found myself on its streets But there is no one that it meets On a level playing field So I follow the wind and I yield On Flatbush avenue I’d never felt so black and blue Walking towards the Brooklyn Bridge Like it was Hacksaw Ridge And the forest had enclosed Me and the path I chose It was dark and serene And something screamed to wake the dream Into the boundlessness of true life I will never be a wife Over the love of you But I will be your One if you want me to He just sighs and looks away And there is nothing left to say On the phone to keep him there And I hear him swear Silently under his breath His monotone sings of resentment and regret And it blisters my skin like a poison chalice It’s almost like I can sense the malice That brews underneath And someone calls me the Messiah on the street And I wonder if I emanate that charm Or if I should ring the alarm That keeps me safe from harm They call it medication I call it the train station That docks opposite ports And there is a divorce Somewhere in our history But it doesn’t envelop the mystery That you always are I look up and you’re my North Star
I know that he and I Will always be one here, we will never die Like all bodies are destined to But I found heaven in you And it’s something that cannot be taken away Not even when comes the day That the great forgive must let us go As we travel into mists we do not know But I was bought and sold The moment I saw solid gold Shine from his eyes And I know though he tries He cannot separate Me from the place where we equate Everything we ever were To the trust he found in her And in us It’s not just lust It is a spiralling spark That shines even brighter in the dark So much so that I wish for my old days When I was lost in so many ways And the balance I’ve found And the solid ground Only distances the despair I loved because you were there
South Africa’s leading the charge And we are all floating on a barge Down the river Thames Watching it happen again And over one hundred and fifty years ago The Irish were starved to death so The British could maintain their economy The invisible hand and the maize crop they take away from me So how do I not feel Palestine As though the struggle was mine Babies screaming in the street As the winter steals the heat And Israel bombs the buildings Do they not care for the children Who will grow up with war wounds Or the ones who died too soon The mothers, fathers, family, friends Is this how the world ends Watching silently from the western front As a people bear the brunt Of what’s held in the unconscious And I don’t know what they want us To do in the movement in between When they convince the dream That it is reality But the lie is not getting the best of me
There is a black pool at the core of my being When it’s light it’s just a reflection you’re seeing Of the moon in the water And I have been a “good” daughter Always abiding by the rule Getting grades to fly by in school But I have grown up and in And I found myself in him When he set me free from the stricture And it was a mighty picture When he showed me his own shade of blue And I wanted to be one with you As you just were yourself And my mental health Is not up for debate But I’ve learned there’s something beyond the hate You can even hold for yourself There is a wealth In verdant green And it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen
I was fourteen and lost in the dream Til she rendered it everything it had never been And a lightning crack struck the stone To tell me I was never alone Not in my darkest day You know the one I wanted to make go away In the summer as I watched her die Slowly and I couldn’t cry Coz a tear might mean I would miss a moment With her and wouldn’t own it There was that morning I came and had breakfast with you Cornflakes with warm milk and you Put the heater on under my feet So that I might meet a warmer day Why did you have to go away I ask myself that all the time And almost twenty years line The road that took you from me Do you remember that day we Almost had a game of cards But someone came in and something hard I had to accept Was that I would have to regret The time we almost played rummy on the settee I know you were doing it for me And you ask for ice cream and jelly Just days before you die and my belly Still aches for your rhubarb tart The one you make like a work of art As you coat each piece in sugar and give some to me Say good things come to those who wait and my heart is set free From some imaginary chains It’s been nothing but torrential rains Since 2004 I keep thinking you’ll walk in the door Like that time up in UCD For a moment I could swear that we Are both in the same room Or the student union shop if I’m singing in tune But it passes almost as soon as it comes And I grasp again at when I was young And I was sitting on your knee I know you’ve been set free It’s just I know you’d never leave me So this Heaven you speak of has gotta be Nearer than close, than intimacy Could it be that you are One with me Like the Buddhists describe That you are really still alive Just in another dimension And the veil fell without mention Of the aforementioned fact The ones you’ve lost you can get back If you just trust the bough to break God puts you there for your own sake
The one good thing about hell Was that Stephen wished me well And could see the light underneath The ghost with the sheet Around her head (You know the one I got from the bed) In the place with no name Because the memory brings shame Upon my family So I’m not allowed to mention it, we Did it, it was a collective decision And I risk their derision If I reveal That I feel Just fine About my time In St. Pat’s mental institution It was some kind of a convolution In my degree Why does life have me down on one knee Proposing to a saint In the colour of blood that I paint As it runs down the frame Of the place that brought me pain
Creating my own version of hell Just to wish you well And appease the masses Coz the girl’s got classes That she takes on being herself And you could say that her wealth Hinges on being all that she is not And if you try to help a lot It will backfire Because she tire Of female dreams When you pull the fabric at the seams And enter into a plausible affair With someone that isn’t even there And her sister bites And ignites Passion she doesn’t know how to wear As she complains it isn’t fair And resigns herself to a fate She’s not even allowed to hate Coz that could constitute a sin A conflagration that’s within But I burn With every axis turn And understand how the devil might feel To be told that nothing is real And his existence is naught But a way to keep people caught God is everything He’s in every broken wing And in every fallen star There’s no way to escape what you are Even if you turn away The Truth will have the final say
The thread unwinds And are we all just out of our minds Running blind Into the wind And the boy grinned At me like it was all okay And somehow it was with him that day Will I find my way back to see The moment of eternity That held itself out in his eyes Deep blue opals that disguise The soul that’s looking through I would love to be with you In any kind of way No broken heart to mend today Just ashen earth clay pots And calling the kettle what I’m not In the morning The sea was storming Until that deathly calm It should have rang some kind of alarm But it didn’t, I just gazed Into a man I would have saved If I had known how Now I just allow You to breach the barrier And I know you wear the weather with her I can see it through the grain As it’s all coming down as rain In a January morning In the winter of 2013 And the dream Is less like shattered glass And more like Gandalf and “You Shall Not Pass” But the goblins from the grave Seem to haunt all of my days In so many ways As I look into the sky And wonder when you too will die
From the green, green grass of home Leave them alone Don’t drop the rubble on limbs Meanwhile the soldier grins Despite his terror And the error Of all that has come to pass Is that somehow it cannot last In spite of all the flying swords And the politicians with words Seek to distance the fold From the aforementioned fields of gold And it’s like a story that has always been told That somewhere in the midnight It all breaks into daylight But it takes some time to show And I hold on as he’s letting go And my tears are like a wave to crash On a shore where my grief will smash Everything to pieces Why is it that everything deceases And moves away from where it’s been If life is a dream Then does it wake When the earth quake Will all that is not true I lay my head into you
I’m on medication Change the TV station Because I am strong And I have done nothing wrong But I want to reveal How I feel For all the broken and shamed For all of the days that cannot be named Because of the darkness they emanate And you feel trapped in that state When you are in it And the Church just says don’t sin it But I’ve got to believe there’s another way To articulate, to say That your crime is being innocent and not knowing how To deal with the weight in the fields you plough And I want to issue to sky That there is something that doesn’t die In the perforate You don’t need to equate What you do with what you are You are born from the scattered star That once imploded So though they may have goaded You into submission Remember your original condition And that shine God is neither yours nor mine But the infinite You are not alone tonight
I’m on medication Change the TV station Because I am strong And I have done nothing wrong But I want to reveal How I feel For all the broken and shamed For all of the days that cannot be named Because of the darkness they emanate And you feel trapped in that state When you are in it And the Church just says don’t sin it But I’ve got to believe there’s another way To articulate, to say That your crime is being innocent and not knowing how To deal with the weight in the fields you plough And I want to issue to sky That there is something that doesn’t die In the perforate You don’t need to equate What you do with what you are You are born from the scattered star That once imploded So though they may have goaded You into submission Remember your original condition And that shine God is neither yours nor mine But the infinite You are not alone tonight
There was a crash and a bang And then the phone rang To say that he had died And I screamed out and cried And the memory of it sings Like a bullet in my back and things Were never the same after that Because I can’t get his light back As it leaves his shape I watch the soul escape The body I thought I knew And what if I never see you Ever again You were the best of men And you would get that look that would lock Into my gaze and I would take stock Of the moment that we held Like out on the mountain that morning as dawn broke its shell Or the time I took a video recorder And filmed you looking into the border That bridges the place between you and I I was eleven when the sigh Escaped your lips And my own eclipse Began with a swathe of rage I decided not to use a page To document my anguished sobs Because that would be to rob Some of my pain from me And what would be left of our history The one with Ireland on the wall You had cut it out or you walking down the hall In the middle of the night when all was quiet Just a door gently shutting on the riot That cascaded my dreams A grandfather that isn’t all he seems Because he is a whole life away And I’m just starting mine, what do you say That everything will be okay And you love Granny and that day You held a candle as you depart And it nearly breaks my heart Watching her watching you go Why did God make us for this so To love and to say goodbye I don’t mean to always cry When I think of twenty two years ago It’s just I promised that the low Would bring me a high And I feel you in the sky As I gaze into a scene And ask God to wake the dream Up if He possibly could So I walk alone in the wood At the back of our land Until something takes my hand And leads me to a monument That points to the place the person went And how could hell be heaven sent I swear and I eff and blind But it doesn’t bring me respite from the mind That tears me into treachery Look your love is not lost in me It’s just fading into eternity One you will come to know My surrender will not let you go
The machinations work And they hurt As I make myself small To appeal to you all And it’s not because I hold a grudge That I trudge through all this sludge Into the mists of time And my rhyme Gets relegated Into something somebody stated One time in the hall I hold myself back and the freefall Is more than I can bear And I tear In the fabric rush And everything I seem to touch Turns to ash And I can’t get it back Anymore than I ever could And the wood Is the only place I can find peace From the threat of the decease As it throws patterns on the wall And it’s not part of me at all Anymore Because that closed door Opened into a new sky And I realised I could never die
The extrication of spirit from form One minute you’re fine and the body’s warm Next thing you notice you’re eighty two And people are saying goodbye to you And I must hold my head up high And watch you die Slowly, then all at once Letting go of the pulse That beats your heart so fine The one that was in love with mine For the season we spent in the sun I look up and we’re still one
The lost and found That I don’t want around He siphons the air Out from my lungs like there Is no reason to breathe Takes away what I so generously need And it’s all in the sky Does his daughter know what it is to die When it’s sucked from her The pure genius of what she and I were An eon ago When love didn’t tread the path of going slow Amid the forest and rain And I would go back and rewrite it again Just to see the stars Instead of malfeasance and prison bars As they gaily exclaim You are the place we lay all the blame And she shudders and wilts Folds like a man in a suit wearing stilts To the local bar How did she know I was all heart In the middle of seasons And they all have their reasons But they never amount To what was proclaimed on the Mount A sermon or two Blinded by the Light of seeing You In manifest form His body is hot because he is warm And smiles like the sun When was it I knew that you were the one As you shattered shards Like a deck of playing cards On the table we kiss You look at me and I wonder if you miss My stellar heart The one that is a work of art Amid the chains and treason Something to believe in Has it lasted long Are you weathered because you are strong Or does the weakness show In the part that will not let me go As the sun rises I wonder if it knows what the prize is
She makes a pinprick to draw blood Just to see if she could To see if I’m still real If I’m alive, if I feel And it’ll heal But I remember the shark in her eyes When she met me that day in the car So far away from where you are Looking at your ship go out Before I was submerged in my own self doubt As it washes to shore And I couldn’t have loved you more But it wasn’t enough Coz when times got tough All the pencils failed me and broke And I could feel my breath start to choke On the words I spit out at you Coz you don’t love me too Or so they say or so she says Coz she’s familiar with your ways In real life I’m just the wife Who is too close to see In her eyes that all he wants is me Submerged in the subterranean wildflower bloom And I’d know if he was in the room Coz electricity flows from his pulse I describe it and she revulse At the thought he could shock me awake I gave it up for your sake
I don’t wanna be your whore Like she did in the time before And she’d buy anything you sell Plies you with whiskey so you might tell Her you love her so But there are places you won’t go Even for a trinket she’d offer All you want is to suffer Wholeheartedly And rather smartly You hold your hand out to me We dance and it is free And I wonder what it feels like to know she’s only there Because you’re willing to pay your share Of the coin But you can’t solder what you want to join Together in sweet surrender I know you remember Coz how could you forget And it’s there for you yet If you want to taste the apple that grows on the tree You know you shouldn’t but you ask me What it feels like to be Still young and free And I say it’s like sleeping outside your door Waiting for the one you adore To realise he loves you more Than his story on the second floor
Watching as the train pulls in And I can’t help but think of him How he’d be there every Friday evening Gave me something to believe him And I left him to go walkabout In dreams of dread and self doubt When no one could ever see me there And I felt like no one care And then he died, just like that Take in a breath he can’t give back And I’m not even letting go Because it’s not the same as it used to be so I wear my armor strong and tight Chainmail you can’t set alight To let the stone sink down deep There’s something of his love I keep
My future regret Comes in days that haven’t happened yet And I feel guilt Like a blade broken at the hilt For all my sorrows and all my sins The near misses and the almost wins As I try to fight my true nature Hitting like a meteor into a crater And leaving a mess all around I’m silent but you hear the sound Of everything Of a bird on the wing That seems to soar Do you want something more Than what you’ve always had It’s stereotypical, this feeling bad Like dread is a mountain I meet in my sleep And broken promises are all that I keep Close to me as I lie on my pillow Bending the truth like it’s a weeping willow Just to measure up Please, Lord, take away this cup But the present moment ever is And this life is only His In His majesty Just don’t wave a red flag at me
I can see the craters on the moon And that’s better than leaving way too soon Coz the midnight knows my name And I play piano like it’s a game And stress everybody out With my errant doubt And all that I do without I silently scream instead of shout And they never understand All the monuments I have planned To my underscore I have less that’s wanting more In the dewy air All the absent answered prayers As I call out to the sky Say I’m not afraid to die But is that wishing for the scorch Instead of white picket fences and a front porch And I try to explain About precipitation when it’s pouring rain And I do it once more Knock on every open door To file away Check on me if I don’t smile today
She was there when you weren’t I had to get by On crutches So I wouldn’t die And the battering winds Shook the shutters Wooden and thin Til I stumbled upon the dream of him Somewhere on a reading scene It was like something woke the dream Up from where it was in bed I found myself instead And I had a flame so red Looking into my eyes But I couldn’t hide the disguise That just erupted Have I fucked it up Coz I know I still think of you And his trail of blue How do I decide Which one I choose to tell lies Like I could be bound in matrimony But it just starts to feel a little phoney Coz I could never be tied by a ring That follows me round like a golden string
I can not deny it hurt And made me question my self worth As he throws barbs across the line For the way that he does time And wants me to know the feel Of the way his pain is real And that cutting a deal Is out of the question now But still he pulls me in somehow Into a sort of heavenly light I think you’re awesome, alright And he knows it too But I can’t ignore that she’s with you Every night to keep you warm Imagine you next to her form As you both share a bed One where you’re colossally wed While I’m tinkering away in the shed Making something for your eyes That pierce through an ample disguise That has shrouded us in mystery Oh, what a fabrication is history When it comes to what is here And you are always near To the soul that beats my heart I didn’t mean for forever to start But now it has and be damned I’m in love with the same old man
A star collapsing in on itself The absence of light and what it all meant As a black hole is created Try as you might you can’t escape it But does it wash out somewhere else A wormhole into a dimension of self That cannot be contemplated They say that I’ve been educated By my years But the tears Burn into me An inferno that’s been set free Into everlasting space A love that breaks upon this place
I clung to the shore I had discovered and what’s more It was my safe space Nothing could touch that place Then I was eighteen And the darkness invaded the dream It came in a box on the sea Moving closer towards me Then it opened and the black came out Coloured by fear and my self doubt I tried to save the beach But it was forever out of reach And there’s no going back now I must find a way to swim somehow In the ocean that has submerged the land I don’t expect anyone to understand As I explain That the sky is pouring rain And I happen upon a kindly soul But do I let him into how my waves roll I think he knows anyway Though he laughs at what I say With a bashful grin And I must admit that I love him In the moment he listened and heard The call of that solitary bird On the branch And life is like a cattle ranch Always hemming you in But there’s a time to lose and a time to win And if you could but grin I think I could accept what has made me sin Against the God I know But bliss is kissing me in the snow When the monumental march Gives vessels to the ground that parch In the baking heat If you’re hearing this get back on your feet!
I wrote a story in the years of twenty two I was the heroine and I was with you As your drug of choice Never mind that my voice Was stifled in your angry stare I woke up to realise you weren’t there But with some other chick I cursed under my breath and called you in the thick Of it just to confirm That the way my heart burn Was a solo affair And my only prayer Was that you be content Coz the way things went Could be enough to dement The both of us And broken trust Lies like glass on the floor As I lie to the one I adore For the sake of propriety Does he know that it ignites me When he spills words on a screen What is the difference between the dream And the real Does he feel Anything akin to love I watch the dove Take flight from my heart And journey to your part Of town But I drown In words and phrases And the city the pain razes As I try to shut it down Because I see a gown On the horizon And it’s all I can keep my eyes on When everything is going to hell Did I tell you that I wish you well A one winged bird and I fly In the empty open sky Full of love for what you are I watch you from the vantage point of a star So near but from afar And dream of you in my car Where I keep the music box With cds that undid the locks On the both of us Just laughter on the bus In a place no one can reach Oh, the vagaries of what they teach Is right and just You seem nonplussed As I leave it on the line I would like to call you mine I falter, would that be okay Babe, why didn’t you say?
I’m in love with the guy next door I dunno why but I’ve always wanted more Than just the come what may And I don’t care what people say The light cannot be put out And all that is is in doubt As everything shatters and cascades But I’m with you in the spirit everglades As your soul speaks to me And reminds me that I am free Of all that seeks to contain As clear and pure as rain That falls after a storm And you were just so warm When you stood by my side And your peace is still alive As it speaks to me From the realms of eternity As a red haired girl with curls Keeps you company while the world Just turns a deeper shade of blue I am not without you Now that you seem to have been gone For so very long But still here in the realm That exists without any pain
The dark side of myself likes MCR And I’ve tried to keep control of her But she keeps bursting at the seams And waking up in all my dreams To tell me how to live And to just forgive The slights made The flights you were afraid To take Now the wake Is full of people drinking beer They don’t seem to notice death is near As I sit beside the coffin And remember our time on Inisbofin When I fell and bumped my head Against a rock and now you’re dead But are you really? I sense you’re free And not constrained to lines like me Your soul expands And all these slipping sands Are just the flow of time I try to capture as I rhyme To still the torrent But it doesn’t warrant The armed brigade The bodies you can’t save As they march off to war I look back at her And she seems to know All that I cannot let go I shake at the edge of the fray She whispers that it’s all okay But I can’t trust, can I In that which will never die
The constraint of death pulls at my threads Is it not running in everyone’s heads That this body will burn out Seems to be beyond all doubt I sense a flaw And the ice thaw To make me feel the snow The frostbite of not letting go When it’s time And every rhyme Holds an unbidden note Oh, the gurus that I quote Fearless stand Impervious to any man Who might set a flag On a mountain so they can brag That they’ve conquered it But do you know who you’re talking with The virgin land And the people who understand As it pulses through I seem to be talking to you But it’s just empty air The presence of something that’s ever there
Running in the forest like a scared little girl What would happen if the world Just stopped spinning where it is And why am I His For so long Without any rotary blade To put the sun in the shade Of all that you know so well Is the earth going to hell In a hand basket And if it is does it wonder why we don’t ask it What it needs And the people bleed In a foreign land As we all wait on tenderhooks Suspicious of what they might take Looks that worry about the quake That seems to be shaking the superstructure And it’s a wonder something doesn’t rupture In the facade What if there’s no good or bad Only the Ultimate seeking to express itself Souls oblivious to the wealth They hold inside Oh, what a time to be alive!
I can sense the influx And I give all the fucks About how we turn out Don’t want this fire to burn out As it singes the edge of my shirt And the heat starts to hurt I watch the tv screen Is this just a dream In cosmic consciousness And if it is who do I address To find out where to go If you’ve met God could you let me know Because following the line Grows tiring over time And the hinges sink their teeth Into the jamb of the door I couldn’t have wanted anyone more But it did me no good Snow White in the wood Just screaming because the eyes Surround her like lies In the fabric of what she knows And it’s like anything goes In this midnight era I don’t know how to make it clearer It’s gonna get worse before it gets better And the weather Is just a reflection of that Some iambic pentameter wearing the sun’s hat As it shines down Some people live and others drown
The fire seems to catch me by the boots And throw me upside down I catch my breath And then I drown In the ocean of what we are Cosmically, a star Fluttering somewhere on the edge of what we know I hold on because letting go Isn’t an option now I see you somehow Through the smoke and fog I throw another log On the burning hearth It keeps me warm when it gets dark And you share this strength with me As we fight, wilfully Abandon all life thought to know About twin flames in the snow Finally, to realise We both share the same skies
I once loved the girl time forgot Coz she is everything that I’m not And we fuse at the edges Welded, neighbours over hedges Stare at us But the trust Just drops like a fall away floor We’re both pulled through And I can no longer see you Or the shadow you cast But the damn thing last And I swim through the sea That is pulsing with eternity Do you think she still loves me And would she be ashamed If I ever uttered her name Without the inflection The burn of rejection Hits home hard And I would play but I don’t have a card To hand out to you I’m more than what they put me through For the sake of some belief And it was relief To sit in the smoking room Chatting to someone else’s doom About what to do about the saga And I could say I don’t love the drama But I do It’s darkness that draws me to you As you pulse with hidden light I stop the stare; are you alright But no reply is all I ever get I cannot forget The way the knife twist When I don’t exist In your Universe The stage is set and we rehearse
I feel the age of youth slip away You know the one when every day Is the break of sunrise And you’re inoculated from the lies But the burden crushed the butterfly Crouched in a corner and the fever die Creeps in on me, I was fourteen And the scene Threatened to overwhelm The captain at the helm Of this great ship I own Now the game is thrown Fast forward to twenty three And everything has deserted to me In search of a grip on the ledge But there’s just a neighbour looking over the hedge Wondering if I’ll let go The sweat is pumping and you know There’s only so long I can hang on My fingers fail and doing wrong Falls into the dark I know I said it don’t leave a mark But it do I struggle to get over you Now ten years later, I’m a thirties blue And I must give time it’s due It soothes the welts with healing balm Replaces death with unearthly calm That seems to settle in my bones You are never alone And iPhones Only serve to annunciate A deeper connection in another state We have yet to learn I trust in fate and it burn
I’m burning down the house I made in my mind Leave that old cave behind The one I used to spit and moan And mainly just feel all alone Coz they inoculate shame And call you by your first name When they want you to back down Or go ahead and drown In the ocean that submerge Don’t you know it’s just a word They used to categorise You so that you’re something in their eyes And maybe they steal But they can’t take what is real No matter how hard they try And I know that we all die But I can’t stay under this roof Where’s your evidence, where’s your proof That I was ever anything other Than a cloud that would smother You with a hot heat Thick and heavy as defeat
Am I gonna die if I feel this feeling Coz I hear a voice screaming in my head And one day I’m scared I’m gonna wake up dead Travelling through a vortex through open space Why do I keep seeing his face And that window in my apartment on floor five How the hell am I still alive When all around me has withered And the demons veritably slithered Down the garden path on the way to Eden When Eve steps on their heads is it just that she doesn’t see them And where is Adam in all of this Is he just lost in his first kiss With the bride of his dreams Is nothing as it may seem Coz is God the overlord Or is he simply the spoken Word That turns Spirit into flesh Made the sexes and all the rest All the animals and all the birds All the potential in the unheard And in the night do you hear the call It was a freefall That year I committed myself to you It’s 2012 and I’m walking through The doors of my mind back to you then In all of this did I lose a friend Somewhere in the aftermath And I’m not scared of wrath By some deity Telling me that it hates me In the world of the hologram If there is a plan It must be Love Coz without It what is the above But a sanctity we fear I’m running with wolves and near To the free wind To love versus to have sinned Coz you’re about as bad as they get But I can bring myself to regret Our cataclysm Is it time to heal the Great Schism
You could be dead and I wouldn’t know Does the pain start to show As I mourn your form So cold where it used to be warm And I remember kissing the forehead Of my Grandad in the coffin It was like ice And the shock Made my soul splice Into multiple parts How do you move with a broken heart And the beat tries to keep you steady But it stutters and I wasn’t ready To commit my life to a mortal thing Coz this bird with broken wing Can’t fly And you could die And I would shatter like a pane of glass But somehow in the mists something last And keeps me walking to your door Leaving notes for someone I adore So he might know That, though it doesn’t show I hold him close to my breast Calamity and the rest Can’t shake the ground I know I watched you change and grow From a boy to a man Through facebook coz I can And it may track my every move But I’ve nothing left to prove Except to leave my open hands There for the slipping sands That are the years of us I shake but I trust
The diary of me Is something you’ll never see Cos you scribbled on the page And hit me with your rage Fed me slowly piece by piece To the war I cannot make cease And she strides in with her tide Tells me I’m alive And what she would do to make it more so But I just want her to let it go Coz it’s brutality Though she never see Exactly what she does to me In the name of love Or at least the kind she’s thinking of Obedient to a fault And I got locked inside the vault With only T for company And they expect me to abandon at a flaw The heat that made the ice thaw In the winter of my life I love the sun, I hope that’s alright
The riveting pain holds me to the spot Like childhood trauma that time forgot And how do I take care of that inner one Somebody’s daughter or somebody’s son Floundering, drowning, trying to stay afloat Then suddenly Jesus is on the edge of the boat Pulling me in Putting my faith and trust in him
"I've been keeping the secret storm
In a place where my heart is warm
And I spilled the story on your page
And you are afraid of female rage
As I shout down the line
Why do I have to say this a thousand times
"I just want you to understand
Why won't you just be my man"
But you check out and run
Close the door like the whole thing is done
Drop the phone like it's a hot potato
And I still remember what you said about Tayto
And it wasn't funny but I laughed
And I was ready to do what you asked
And it scared me that all I valued fell
When you asked me if I was well
I just want to live up to your measure
You are something that I treasure
And the memory is enough to keep the wheel going
But is it a cog, there's no way of knowing
Coz the clock is running down
Only so much time in life on the ground
As we try to make the most of what we're given
And you look at me like you're the unforgiven
But I love you more than I can contain
You are pure and undecided as rain
That just pours from the sky
You leaned into my shoulder and I can't tell you why
I let you rest there
Then turn around like I don't care
Except to say I was scared as hell
And I still am though I wish you well
And you've made a whole world away from me
And I should be glad that you are free
But I just sit in bitter repose
And wonder why I chose
To let you slip through the cracks
The long and the short of it is I want you back
Is love pain? It’s a desire to be together again And the separate Kind of makes my hands shake As we’re torn asunder And all that you have of someone is their number And years drag you apart I am all heart With a thin veneer To protect me when danger comes near And the cracks on my shell Sure as hell wish me well And I grow older And bolder With confidence And the first defense Is the war you make The splinters in each breath you take As you draw some inspiration From the oxygen of your own creation To live anew I guess what I’m saying is I miss you
Is it that there’s too much to say Or not enough Coz you’ve got to know I’ve always cared for you, love And there’s a distance between us Or a depth we can’t dive We breathe in the air Just to survive And the cogs they turn In the wheels of our life It’s like a winter’s morning With a new bite In the air That you can just taste Oh, what in the world Did you create?
Staying up all night writing rhymes Just get a damn job But I’ve got inspired And I would only rob Future generations of all their freedom I know this is good but will anyone see them To be Amadeus out on the line I’ve got to get it down like the thousandth time As it rattles in my head like an old guitar I scribble my life down at the bar As the summer is storming and the winter is cold And I’ve got global warming to face as I grow old And we’re all just sheets of paper from the end But we’ve got our lives left to pretend That we’re not these vessels and we can’t contain An ocean’s worth of indefatigable pain As I see in you what I feel in me We’ve both got our roots in Eternity
Trying to keep up to a race I can’t pursue It’s like trying to win the attention of you And you just turn away, a shoulder to glance And I am there begging for another chance To be who I am in your company But you know we’re just friends, it’s not eternity And I promised you silver and I promised you gold Promised together in the growing old But now it’s as though a chasm has opened Do you hear me at all or am I just hoping As I see you though the gaps in my hands Fingers clasped over eyes that understand The motion of trees That we wouldn’t work, would you believe In all that turns out to be true If you rely on the weather, it just changes you And I can’t cut the grass on the field that you own Can’t win me over once the game is thrown Into the midnight and out with the day I’m kind of conflicted about us, okay?
I’ve done the math, like, a thousand times And it told me I can’t find it in any of my rhymes But it’s still pushes me to let the words go Some kind of childbirth I’ll never know As we go into the throws of labour Could you do me a favor And stop throwing empty words Against the wall of already been heard And it’s a tired tale Told by those who are up for sale But I’m not one to barter a trade Throwing light in the shade That protects your skin Do you think I should let him in?
The Poetry Book 