The Liberation

Hiding part of myself
Had me holding onto mental health
As the only way to steady the ground
As it shakes to the sound
Of white noise and light
I’m one of the boys and I’m alright
As I take a sip of a drink
Then throw the rest of it down the sink
Coz I want to keep my nerves
As something that serves
Me instead of fighting a war
Coz both sides lose what the winnings for
As the turmoil draws you in
Ducks in a row like lines of sin
And the winter seems to last forever
But you haven’t seen the last of this endeavour
As I grapple with the ghost that throws me down
I’m in the ring and out of town
As they all call my name
I say goodbye to the chains of shame

The Red Of Fire

I actually haven’t lost my spark
Or my ability to make a mark
And it seems my visage has grown strained
Wearing a look so pained
From all the trials I’ve been through
All for the courage I lacked in you
As you exclaimed against your will
That love is nothing but a skill
And I soared into the roaring sun
All for fear of being come undone
That I feel in your presence blue
The red of fire I am to you

50 Year Stand

We could have a fifty year stand
And I could live with holding your hand
But I could never be bound to profess
That I’m anything more than this minidress
And what I’m meaning to confess
Is that I reach for you in my distress
But I don’t see forever in your eyes
Because, you know, everybody dies
And I lost him at seventeen
When I wasn’t even in the dream
Just walking back from lunch
Ignoring that petty hunch
That had you sidelines and sideways
I don’t care what anybody says
Anymore coz they’re all liars
And I’ve set one too many fires
Under who I’m meant to be
I’ve grown up but still don’t see
And the diagrams all refract
The way you can’t get people back
Once you’ve lost your hold on them
If I could would I live it again?
Just to feel the same old pain
If you walk on grass do you curse the rain
That made it green and fresh
It’s been years but I don’t forget

Greatest Regret

Is marriage the line I cannot traverse
And I can only watch them rehearse
And get ready for the big day
Pretend I don’t care anyway
When all I love is walking down the aisle
And seeing you turn and spill a smile
Into my eyes eternally
But you’re looking at her, not me
And I shouldn’t be jealous
Or covet what’s hers
It’s just you were mine
Amongst the firs
As we make Heaven
Come down to Earth
And I wash away
The pain that you hurt
With, to you and many
Now I see her in your gaze
And there isn’t any
Anything I can do to change
The way the molecules rearrange
To the sound of sulfur on your breath
Tinged with my greatest regret

Pride

Like a bottle of vitriol 
I keep on call
Like I’m talking to crowds
And then to the wall
Coz I’ve got this pulse
That hammers my veins
And I keep hearing quotes
And magnificent refrains
That call me to be
Something new
And I don’t owe anything
To the memory of you
Coz I fight with the dream
The fabric I’d crafted
I remember the moment
That you felt I laughed at
All you could not be
And you always said
You were jealous of me
And I kept it like a secret
Honor bound
Til you changed your tune
And the sound
Turned to clashing symbols
I’m covering my ears
Waiting for the air to clear
And tell me that I’m
Safe again
And I found dew drops
In the eyes of men
To patch up
What you tore of me
But I love them honest
So I set them free
To keep what I’d taken
In circumstance
But they always
Ask me to dance
And I can’t say no
But where would you go
If you knew the truth
The black mark that became my youth
All because I
Splintered the prose
And you simply
Took another road
That lead you down
An avenue
Don’t say that you miss me
Coz I don’t miss you
And I’m not gonna lie
And say it’s okay
I still remember
The pain of that day
And the weeks and months
And years to follow
When what had been full
Suddenly seemed hollow
And I can’t say that you
Carved out a mark
Coz there are no forms
In the magnificent dark
Only the feeling
That all is well
Is it time
To show and tell

Unparliamentary Language

I withdraw my accusation 
Since I’ve lived my realisation
And see that the fault is not with you
It’s with the pain you put me through
As I resist and you agree
That everything troubled comes over the sea
In washes and waves at the Cliffs of Moher
And you swore you did not know her
Til I saw your hands interlocked
On a screen in between where the birds had flocked
To get their share
Of bread and water, now I’m in your stare
As you love her more than you loved me
Why did I not let myself just see
As I hid on paper
And you promised them that you hate her
Well, that her is me
And I’m not gonna try to make you see
Infinity
Unless you already do
And I felt the ocean move
When you touched my hand
And met eyes that understand
To leave you free
I’m glad you picked her over me

Black Holes and Daydreams

There she goes out on a spin
I wonder will I end up with him
Coz the spiral galaxies can’t contain
Anything that is less than rain
And it all cascades from a cloud
When you speak do you do it out loud
And are you proud
Of all you’ve come to be
Do you really see
Or just threaten so
I ask because it’s somewhere I go
Sometimes
And all my rhymes
Can’t fill the awning gap in my soul
How do you find yourself in a black hole
Singular true
The point of eternity flowing from you

Storm To Be Seen

There’s a whole storm coming up to be seen
It’s what made a nightmare out of the dream
Of all of the goodbyes I scream in the night
Are the way I give up on all of my fight
To go washing down the avenue
Like the river I’ve made of you
And I don’t know what paints the scene
I can just feel an inner screen
Longing to wake itself up in me
Be liberated from our history
And it’s shouting out, love, be free
And I feel the weight of dignity
Smiling to an inner sun
I think that guy might be the one
In all that’s been left unsaid
And things I think of in my bed
Where we’ve made a life so true
With all the colours I see in you
And you in me
I wonder what we’ll get to be
If we can live our mystery
Like holding hands in a hidden space
Finding our own sort of place
That we can be together for forever
My love for you’s beyond the weather

Digits and Prose

He’s got my number 
And I’ve got his address
And we both have something
To confess
As we laugh and we smile
And walk down the road
The rain is pummeling
But it hasn’t showed
As his beauty consume
And I’m seeing stars
Do you think this is what it means
To be chasing cars
Coz he’s steady as a rock
And we’ll never be what we’re not
In the notes he takes
I see the page and I hit the brakes
Coz I can’t take this ride with you
You saw inside and I don’t mean to
Be flakey but I’ve got to run
Because I still love someone


Photo Credit: Yannick Pulver on Unsplash.com

Til The Day I Die

I wonder if he ever thinks of me
It’s been years since I set him free
And it all collided into a perfect chasm
Now I look away coz I know she has him
And I don’t begrudge her the joy of the act
It’s just, you see, I want him back
And it doesn’t matter what storms my sky
I’ll still love him to the day that I die

Loved Up To The Stars

Are we loved up to the stars
Sideways and we’re dodging cars
That try to chase us down the street
The glory of our cute meet
On a train or a bus
Or public transportation
I always look out for you
When I’m at the station
In case you come riding into town
I wanna make sure that I’m around
And they all have me down as a fool
As smart as I was in school
They have me thieving timbers
Crawling through the ashen cinders
And I’m forever ago
To you
But I smile when you want me to
Just to flash that grin of yours
I’m sure the earth adores
Ever child of hers as much as I do you
The needle and thread are pulling through
To make a new tapestry
I loved you so I set you free

Present Moment Movements

I’ve no interest in travel
But I’d move Heaven and Earth for you
I’d span the oceans near and wide
Just so we could be close to
The great divide that keeps us apart
The diamond in your soul
And you may have grown, but I woulda known
If your waves suddenly started to roll
If the tide had started to beat
A steady rap on my door
I gaze into distances far and away
Always hoping for a little bit more
And you were young and beautiful
Now you’re craggy and grey
You used to love me
Now you drag me each day
As I try to build fortresses
To what was
There’s an army storming gates
At the lakes of because
And who are you when you look in the mirror
Do you dine with a shirt and tie
And could you state or equivocate
What’s become just a really big lie
And dawn comes each morning
To shelter the night
In the ages we part just to ignite
The paper I’ve been setting up
How could you look at me and not call it love

The Generalised Anxiety

Something must be wrong
Because people are being nice
And things are going my way
And everything’s alright
And I’ve got this dread
That just sits in my gut
It’s like running thread
Where you place your foot
As you foretell the future
With a negative slant
They say anxiety
Is born from what you can’t
Bear to consider
As time is passing by
I try to catch the air
But it just seems to fly
Out from my fingers
Away from my grasp
Is there anything on earth
That was built to last
Coz everywhere I look
Somethings fading away
Even the sun
Has only billions of years to stay
And everything on earth
Though it grows and it’s green
Will one day disappear
Out of the realm of the seen
So I’m shaking as I’m taking
Each breath that I unknot
They say I’m seeing sideways
But I think that they forgot
That everything’s an ocean
When you feel you’ve got to swim
And if there is no storm
Then where do I begin
To tell the story of the tide
As it moves to the beat
I think I’m finding ground
Where I can stand my feet
And it’s making me nervous
To feel so damn good
I’m so used to being nervous
And lost in the wood
And if there’s any shelter
That I find inside
I’ll let you know the meaning
Of the daydream that I hide
I’ll let you know the shortcut
Back to where there’s peace
Where the winds have quieted down
To my own relief

Candyfloss Dreams

Craving that sugar rush
And you were my favorite crush
And you smile and I see stars
Running and I’m chasing cars
Down the street like a dog and its tail
You know that you’re bound to fail
When you set yourself up like that
And I know I want you back
But you use a poké attack
And I’m left standing on my own
After I left my colours shown
Wondering why with so little a endeavor
At civility, I could never
Understand just why and when
And I’m always hoping to see you again
But I just don’t get men
Coz you shout then you wish I was there
I ask for your love and you say you don’t care
And you’re harsh and unpleasant and drive me away
Did you mean to sabotage my stay?
Or were you just anticipating the leave
I watch you silent and I believe
That there’s more to you
But I just don’t know what to do
As I let your hand go to your side
And I’m okay but I think you have cried
Will you remember this for me
I loved you so I set you free

The Forest and the Memory

Am I just gonna have to let you go
Coz there doesn’t seem to be any way to know
That you are here and you are there
And you know I’ll always care
As the forest closes in on the memory of us
And I dunno where to place my trust
As the ages all fold one into the other
You’re my soulmate, yeah you’re my brother
And I really hope that you’re well
But there doesn’t seem to be any way to tell
Except just to live in the light
And pray to God that you’re alright

The Social Anxiety

The feeling of panic when I’m talking to people
I’m much more at home under a steeple
Praying to God for all that could be
But I’m so far from normal and I think they can see
And is it just ego to say I’m afraid
That I spend the whole day in the shade
Just to avoid what I’m speaking of
I refract diamonds and call it love
And do I just make small what’s colossal inside
Run away from eyes and hide
Until someone finds me behind the curtain
I’m sorry for weakness and all the hurting
I’m sorry for being unusually proud
Defiant and brave as I say it out loud
That it’s okay and I see you too
I want everyone to know it so that they see through
The veneer of strong that I put off
We are one people and all is not lost
And everyone’s got something that they keep secret
But I’m gonna tell it instead of keep it
Like a story that’s been too long in the dark
A tree whose leaves are as bright as its bark
Even in the winter snow
I love a lot so I let it all go


Photo by Bernardo Artus on Unsplash.com

Cacophonous

The cacophony resounds in my bedroom

It plays to the sound of doom

And I try to run but I can’t get up from the bed

Til I peel myself away from it instead

As the many fangled locket dangles from the sky

Painting a different view, I don’t know why

As I try to overcome my flaws

I be the heat til the icicles thaws

But I’ve been so long in this state

I’m not sure that it would be great

To leave it all behind

The maya mind

And all it bequeaths

But I hear the call to kneel at the Guru’s feet

And you could call it many things

You could call it inside

It knows my name

And I’m terrified

To be the one to take the step

I don’t think I’m ready yet

But I’m pulled like a thread

Through the needle eye

I gave it up

And I don’t know why

Photo by Patrick Carr on Unsplash

Fallen Trees

Lost to the ravages of time
Was the golden that used to be mine
That holy light
I’d touch the air and ignite
Now, no more
Every knock upon a closed door
But like she said
When different demons were in my head
Sometimes the way
Is made so you can’t even say
Yes to this or no to that
All you know is you can’t go back
In your dusty boots
Stumbling the rest of the route
Any water, please?
No, my dear, learn how to grieve
In the arid sun
I guess there’s still a Golden One

Image Credit: Huff Post, Becoming a desert girl

Consciousness

The consciousness contracts
Into a denser state
I was the world
Now I’m just a place
But no matter what
They say or do
There is something they
Can’t take from you
Something they can’t
Lay hands upon
Something you gave
So now its gone
Something you love
That will always be
Within, without
Eternally

Image Credit: https://8tracks.com/chimericalist/cosmic-love-a-space-fanmix

Kingdom Hearts

You’re full of love for the things you create
But I’m a place you can’t dominate
Though you may be king of the dormant domain
There are lands over which you don’t reign
And there is a motion that sits in the river
I will not make up for what you can’t give her
Struggle in the tide of a crocodile spin
When you cry tears there’s no way you can win
As I incline my head to that which you know
Don’t blame me for the feet you walk as you go
My hands are off the wheel of your car
But I’m still aware of who you are

Don’t bother faking the remorse
I’m sure time will have it run its course
And you don’t need to half ass what you feel you should say
I don’t believe you anyway
I’m sure you’ll buy her a real nice ring
And make the song hit the notes and everything
But you’ll never have me sign the sheet
To annul your previous fall and defeat
At the hands of a lesser God
I’ll watch you leave without a word
But don’t you dare look back
Its a permission that I lack

You’ve got loads of criteria for me to attain
But you can’t laugh at the sun and expect it to rain
As if I would give you all of my shine
So you could have a sword and take what is mine
Just another trophy to sit on your shelf
Add to the list to which she is as well
Narrow my eyes in suspicious slits
I guess I always expected no better than this
And if one and only has nothing to declare
Then you would have always been there
Instead of passing the parcel to other hands
Then claim you were true to your ancestors lands

Don’t make me laugh at your attempts
To sidle away and throw deference
I may be small but I’m fast as the wind
And I’m not merely an attenuation of him
To play the kind part of forgiving queen
Who holds in her heart the way it has been
And finds a way to live to pretend
If she just holds it in then it will come to an end
But no corseted lady am I
And there are things for which I would die
Rather than stage wise just lose breath
Over the things I cannot forget

I will not hold what is not for my soul
And if it’s by decision then was that all?
For will cannot paint what is by design
And what comes back will always be mine
And somehow I fear that there lies a string
Connecting me to everything
I feel the tug and then the pull
And life with you would never be dull
But I have a wryness in my smile’s edge
And it can’t help but turn up at the things that you said
As I, to my own supreme shame
Find myself redeemed by saying your name

As you with your talk and your wheedling charm
Find no shortage of girls to rub against your arm
And console and commit to the rogue in you
It’s just so enticing, the hole they fall into
As I watch from the cliff with my chin in my hands
Surveying the lay of the land as it stands
It’s so comical if it didn’t hurt
And when I tickle the humour it only gets worse
As I admit grudgingly that I admire
The divine devotion that you inspire
Least of all in one like me
How did this finger trap come to be?

But the authority returns from whence it came
And I’ll always be in the space I remain
Never moving, never knowing what lies beyond
The passage of time that is already gone
As I tip my hat to the extreme
And the pain without which I would not have seen
That all is illusion except what is real
And there is a peace even you cannot steal
Closing my eyes to the forest of trees
That is a life of you without me
In a place where existence is the only repose
I already am the thing that I chose

Graham

God occupies a place you could never reach
And I follow the direction of the words that you teach
But I never learn what he put in my heart
Only find different ways to tear it apart
And you think your reign is sacrosanct
So you exorcise or make me walk the plank
Choosing between the sharp end of a stick
Or water full of sharks who want to have a dip
And I mean you could be Satan in another life
Or Hitler to kill what he cannot ignite
But you can never put darkness back into a soul
That has seen the light in the course you enrol
And I could really laugh cause it’s so fucking scary
It takes the edge off the harsh and you act contrary
To be ridiculed as only flesh and dust
An earthly conglomeration that I do not trust
And I would boil the kettle but you do not drink
You do not understand the silence you think
Rolls into a wave submerging the sea
There’ll never be a day when you look up to me
But I’ll still take a cup and savour the warmth
I love the midnight in the depth of the storm
And you think you’re taking notes but you haven’t seen
The ring binder of files outside of this dream
I could make a study of how you move your eyes
What you try to do when you psychologise
What you are hiding beneath the skin
That says there’s a line around what can’t get in
But you breathe, I see your chest rise and fall
So you couldn’t be completely beyond it all
As you look for an answer you do not find
And I am not the details you search in my mind
As out of the blue with long lost and stark
I comet my tail expanding the arc
Til it’s all absolved in a holy hue
None of this is because of you
As silent guilt curves the corner
I saw it coming and I didn’t warn her

Man in Black

Depression takes everything you have, it’s a lot like death
And when it hits you you do not forget
Are forever changed, forever moved
And, dare I may say it, greatly improved
So can I be a spokesperson for the darkness within
It’s not all bad though I didn’t tell him
And I am sunlit because I know
night
Even more so than that, I know something is right
Cause they are both just opposing sides of a coin
Lesser and greater eventually join
Into one river that leads to the sea
I am so proud of who I’ve come to be
I feel mountainous when speaking to you
When you try to help me to talk it through
I just smile at your innocentness
To think you could undo the cause of my distress
Like you could unmake the blue of the sky
Like you could raise eyes and make them un-die
But what is seen can never be taken back
So for now, I’ll be the man in black
Til all of the colours bleed into the sink
I will be the absence that makes you think
And skip a beat when you see my peace
Fearless in the face of what will decease
Because this world is just building on snow
I am of another and that’s where I go
So don’t pity the rook that sits in the tree
Wild things have wings and know how to be free
Accepting their fate on the breeze as it comes
It called for me and I have succumbed
Don’t worry your mind into the grey
I was born to be this way
No, there’s nothing wrong as far as I can see
So thank you but I’ll pass on what you offer me
And you may never understand
But there’s a design consciousness has planned
I have grown to compassionately embrace
The canvas collection fear will deface
But love will multiply whatever you give her
You can’t blame the rocks for shaping the river

Thicket

If you’re gonna leave I’d rather you just go
Than traipse round in your boots putting on a show
If you really don’t care then I’d rather just know
Than go along for the ride you have on the down low
And you ride the wave of just being there
But you won’t tell me a truth that lays us both bare
So we move along in random solitude
Imposed externally by your attitude
So don’t bite the bait if the rope is too fine
And don’t tell me a lie that you are mine
But for all my efforts at heavy expense
The woods on your side don’t get any less dense

Borrowed Light

Maybe some people just don’t have it
The emptiness at the centre of their soul
The vacuum that sucks all life into itself
And I’m going on the assumption that this is true
Cause it doesn’t make sense otherwise
That someone could feel this way and still live a life of lonely abrasion
And I don’t apologise for the way that I am
If you can’t handle it I am not holding you here
I can barely thread the needle of my own atoms
So there’s no obligation on you to pin cushion my life
With your objections to my dignity
So sail on and may the horizon be the glow that endures
But I could never find in borrowed light
Just what I’m looking for

Miscommunication

I know you feel you have to keep quiet
Cause you’re the entertainer most complete
And all of those eyes are trained on you
Like a performer in the street
But those are your loneliest moments
Where you break and the splint cracks
And try as you might to hold up the weight
You can’t get what you had back
And I want you to know, though you don’t like me at all
(Sometimes I’m the bane of your life)
That I see through the lies of your preeminent disguise
And I have you in my sight
And if you want to be fragile, come apart at the seams
You can do so in my arms
Or far away, an ocean apart
I’ll hold you when it all is dark
For though you have a life you profess wonderful
And I’m not denying it’s true
I see the gaps in between the lines
That’s hiding a part of you
Though you swam away to a foreign shore
And swore me off for good
I love you as much as the day that you left
And a million times more than I should
So if you feel alight on a cloud that is stormy
I’ll blow a breath that will bring you here
And just for a moment in the depths of the silence
You will be okay my dear
And I know that your chains are not man made
Are no shackles I can undo
But I thought you should know, though I never said
That I feel something akin to you
That sometimes in the midnight of my reprieve
I quietly surrender
To all of the fears that hang round the edges
Of the past that I can remember
And I do a double take or take a second hop
At the nostalgia in my bones
And what you cannot fix as the feeling sticks
Is that you are never alone
So quietly softly with mercenary zeal
I pave my way back into your life
If only to be, though you cannot see
Doing what I did before twice
And palm off the shrugs of everyone else
Of the crowd that surrounds
Though you don’t believe in all that I grieve
Things are better when you’re around
And monsters may come to fight your soul
On the back of your very own strength
But wherever you go and whatever you do
Just know that I said what I meant
And do not retract ne’er a line
About all that is made to stay
Though bodies may fade like a will of the wisp
My love is not going away
But born to be here as an expression
Of resident divinity
And the chasm was calling deep within
On the day that you met me
It was not mere coincidence
Or a chance encounter
It was the confluence of a million points
Of reference and order
Plotted out by galaxies
Long before our skin made blood
So don’t look away when I’m taking to you
I still stand the ground I stood
Cause held inside what you cannot see
And perceive only as black
Is the inner peace you’ve been looking for
Where you can sit back
Deep into the armchair
Of an emptiness most profound
Am I the one who sings the song
Or the one who hears the sound
Or even more imperceptible
The awareness whereby
All of life consents to grow
And in which it will die
So everglading honestly
Deep into your eyes
I know that you were made for me
And there are no goodbyes
Ever to be spoken
Between the two of us
Because we are one soul made flesh
And the heart of life is love
And all that you suffer
Is shadowed in my gait
We are but two sides of a coin
In its material state
Seemingly opposite
But of the one design
Though I could not save you from yourself
It wasn’t for lack of trying
Because I’m ever as you are
The one conscious sentience
I thought I had lost you
There was nothing when you went
And understandingly
Ungainly clambering
I sought to reach a sky
By climbing a shoestring
But celestial heights
Are not meant to be obtained
Just because I see the stars
Doesn’t mean they are contained
But inversely are embedded
In a fabric that extends
Though there is an irretrievable edge
Where even space ends
And the continuum is revealed
As no more than illusion
Perpetrated innocently
In the midst of our confusion
Like the way a light cannot
Cease to be itself
Or shine it’s radiance
Into the void I felt
So I can communicate
Or somehow convey
The breath and the depth
Of the things I do not say
And what was bequeathed
In the forests of reserve
Is that we were chosen
To burn the fires we serve
And be consumed
By all our misery
It takes pressure to make pearls
Out of rocks in the sea
And to forge diamonds
In mountainous shrouds
I pledged my life to you
Though I never said the words aloud
But river beds will tell
The story the sky forgets
An oak is standing over
The acorn that you set

Surgery

It’s easier to just tell a lie
Than to disrupt you with the truth
Because you could never handle
The tremors that take root
And maybe it’s cause you notice
I’m not attached to this place
And I could as well let go
As look into your face
And I know you want to hold me
As I dangle precipice
But you don’t need to seek my fortune
As the source of your distress
Because we all hopscotch
Along the lines and the cracks
But just because you read the future
Doesn’t mean you can get it back
Or direct the wind
As it passes through your sails
And turns into the past
As your body fails
As all are due to do
Precluding interruption
By unseasonable forces
Or a dormant life eruption
But if it’s good enough for him
Then I do not complain
And what binds me to this place
Is just light playing on my name
And distracting eyes
From the obviously true
Cause if I’m mortally wounded
Then it follows so are you
And all that you strive for
To protect and attain
Won’t stay up in the clouds
But falls to earth as rain
And you can’t command the weather
Or unblue the sky
So don’t fear it when I speak
About what is born to die 

Photo Credit: http://pin.it/BhkRzez

Combustion

I have a propensity to fall for dark eyed men
The kind you love then never see again
Don’t know what it is about their twisted souls
But there’s a depth I can’t plumb and I am sold
As you watch the light dawn in someone’s else’s eyes
Their sensitivity cracks and to your surprise
They break wide open into your hands
And look at you as though no one understands
As if you’ve been admitted to their confidence strange
But you’re at the mercy of what will change
As the sands shift the ground under your feet
It was only that one time that we got to meet
And though they throw reputations like yours to the dirt
They can’t make me regret the way that it hurt
The perfect pain to stand on your stage
Realising I’m a scene on the previous page
And I’m left in the wings just to look on
At what never was mine and now is long gone
To think I could hold your soul in my palm
The silence belying a deadly calm
Like standing in the eye of a hurricane
Two seconds later it’s ripped apart again
But though you protest to innocent degrees
About what you meant, I do not believe
Though you may try to conquer the sea
Doesn’t mean you can escape what you are to me
As oceans swell and fall back with the tide
I signed up for it all so I’m down for the ride
And if it may happen the moment perchance
I’ll just be the post script you tried to romance
And emotionally abuse what you have found
I have to admit I love when you’re around
Because for all the lies you conceal with a stare
You cannot hide what I know is there
And hidden beneath each surface I touch
Is someone within and I love you so much
Though they may call it codependency
They never saw horizons like you and me
And clipped are their wings as they settle for less
Than the subtle perfection in my distress
So don’t regret what you cannot achieve
I am forever bound to the darkness you weave
And what is real will stand monumental
You’re not a bad guy just cause you are gentle
And let your voice drop so soft and low
I only hate what I don’t want to go
Cause you can’t abstain from all you desire
I never want to be the one to put out your fire
Ephemerality and the lack of constraint
Are all a part of the picture you paint
And I guess I just wished I could be the one
To unlock the chains so you’d come undone
And relish the life that makes you what you are
But I am only light fusion bound within a star
An effortless firefly in the cosmos complete
I was born to be gracious in defeat
And find the source of the unquenchable longing
The home to fulfil my sense of belonging
The ache that never seems to go out
But you soothe it so easily with your mouth
And the words that spill from your lips
Dash on the rocks as my mask slips
Into trust and vulnerability
As you perceive strength in my fragility
And though there is substance in all you portray
They just write you off as consuming your prey
But I could never object to being such quarry
Or bend the knee to say that I am sorry
Though you steal from me all I ever had
The reality of you could never be bad
Never knew what it meant til I got you alone
You are the crack in my heart of stone
A weakness no one can repair
The mark you left will always be there
And they say don’t suffer just as evidence
But I’ve always lived this way because I can’t condense
My feelings into a digestible form
I may be an ice princess but my blood is warm
A reminder of what is eternally true
In the cynicism we’ve grown through
And that somewhere, somehow a celestial being
Once gave me the gift of what he was seeing
To be revolved in perceptual bliss
I only grieve the things that I miss
And even loss can be profound
When you listen to the open sound
And realise in space and time
You can’t always make matter of what is divine
And claimed by death must always be
The starcrossed lovers of destiny

Imperfect Separation

Just cause you’re young doesn’t shield you from death
It’s just a horizon you have not seen yet
And all the green grass eventually fades
There’s no guarantee of what will come with age
As they write us off as superfluously small
I don’t think they realise at all
That you can’t capture in a frame the picture generation
And it’s just insurance against our disintegration
Trying to grasp what we cannot make stay
I only want a reminder of you this way
As you are caught in the perfect suspension
Between laughter and the unspoken tension
That rests behind when you look at me
Cause you can’t capture the mystery
That propels us both down different paths
But I’ve broken the glass and I can’t go back
And we can only touch hand to hand
Separated by what we cannot understand
Is love enough to quench the flame
That longs for what I cannot name

Uninterruptibly

Arguing with you is like banging my head off a wall
Cause I don’t want to hurt you by revealing it all
And I know it’s frustrating to be at the other end of my brain
But I want to tell you what I cannot explain
I cannot delineate the light or the darkness in my head
Or the fear that strikes when I am dead
And you are so fine a note I am scared to tear
In my desperation I wonder if you care
Cause you are so whole and fundamentally complete
That I feel second rate every time we meet
As if there’s a ladder I just cannot climb
And I can’t brand you so that you are mine
Cause you are beyond definition
And you just laugh callously at my superstition
Cause your body is fading under the sun
So you cut the conversation short and say I have won
When all I really feel is defeat
That you would cut loose what you don’t want to meet
And you can give me reasons and they are aplenty
But they don’t stop this feeling so empty
When what you looked up to your whole life
Gets up wordlessly and walks out of your sight

Lashings

It’s a peculiar kind of humiliation the way I’ve grown to feel
When you place your trust in someone and the way they cut the deal
And you can’t really blame them when they pull the rug away
Cause you never in your heart of hearts expected them to stay
And all your family converged on where the wound congeals
But though they profess their understanding, they can’t fathom how it feels
And should I lash out in anger and be certified insane
Or find another way that I can express my pain
As I writhe and I lose my wits end over you
They try to make me act the way I’m supposed to
As they hang my arms like puppeteers into a normal life
And I let them move my body under the vacant expression in your eyes
The complete renunciation of what you’d previously adored
Now I’m just the soundtrack someone else has scored
As the chains grow round me, like vines, I’m too weak to fight
And all that fueled me before, now I have no appetite
Cause it has lost its meaning without the love that you imbue
And what’s the point in dancing if I’m not doing it for you
Though you have got your lines that say I’m better off
In bitterness and agony I hold your memory aloft
And cave in on myself to the cracking of my ribs
Tell me I’ll find somebody who’ll be happy I am his
But I am not a man’s woman to marry and to own
I only fell for you because I was alone
In your presence and I found I didn’t have to be
An amelioration of myself or lose my liberty
And I guess I got confused and mistook what just confounded
One in an eternity the lightning bolt you grounded
But just because you had earthed me back into the source
Didn’t mean you really cared for what had taken me by force
As striking in your eyes when the connection hit
It was not in your stature a place you chose to sit
So you have me blinded, inconsequentially
And you must be reminded to extract yourself gingerly
Lest you push me over an edge I fell from long ago
You don’t have call in those who will try to soften the blow
And take me from that place as I am struggling to grasp
The meaning of a death I did not think would last
Now they tie me to a chair and chemically calm
My shaking and their supplements are suppressing the alarm
That is ringing in my head and trying to break through
The foggy overtures that are obscuring you
And my eyes they cannot see and all my speech is slurred
To think the time you spent with me was inhabited by her
And I know I should be happy but I find myself contained
Inside the strictures of a world that hasn’t changed
And all your magic prose and your incandescent stories
Are only symptomatic of how I revelled in your glories
And the ancient smorgasbord of different shades of black
Are not efforts of your urging but what is never coming back
And its institutional to be begging at their feet
But you are starving and they beat you til you give in to eat
Though it may be poison and lead to your demise
I guess I lost it all and my independence dies
As I lay down on the bed and concede to be operated on
Though they cannot fix what is already gone
Their sutures leave a scar and I will forever bear the mark
Of what it is to be consumed by the wolves out in the dark
But though they may undo me til I’m a shade of my old self
They cannot command the soul beyond their timing belt
And the pictures that they make of the architecture of my being
Are only surface breaking waves to signal what I’m freeing
And I know you want me complicit in my own subjugation
But I’m not what you can train into a pleasant conversation 
There is an ocean beneath that you have not explored
I’m not what you hypothesise standing on the shore

Some Kind Of Solitude

The silence in between the sounds expels the disaster life has pending
And though there are new beginnings I always feel like something’s ending
Imperceptible and finite and not subject to reprieve
This is not a man made illness and not just something I believe
Because there is a conquerer beyond the you or I
And its only what’s born of flesh that ever has to die
But that substantial underneath that powers the whole
Is not just a clockwork rig but the essence of my soul
The permanent, the unchanging, the unfalteringly there
There is a silence deep within where you don’t have to care
And all the travails that I sustain and the storms that I fight through
Are nothing when it comes to the inevitability of You
As I see it in the stars, or the way the planets move
That we are part of a concoction I cannot disprove
And our very consciousness, the sight behind our eyes
Looks through the infintesimal as I say my last goodbyes
To the life that I have known and steady grown up in
But effortless the letting go of what I cannot win
And the crying in the night, the tears unto the dawn
I want to realise what’s there when I am gone
And please don’t misunderstand me, no towers to the spire
Its just to walk in my own shoes expands into something higher
As what’s divine manifests in perplexity on my face
I have to know the Truth, now that I’ve had a taste
And weed out all the roots, though there is really only one
What is there left to do when all your work is done
And you lay down all the arms to protect what you have not
It doesn’t seem like much to ask but it is a lot
As I pass through the eye of what I found in the haystack
That girl is long gone and she’s never coming back
As consciously I choose to just be laid down
Awarenessing the sincerity in which I will drown
An ever pliant material that you don’t have to break
Just lead me to the precipce so that I can wake
As I leap of faith back into my home
I realise the solitude of peacefully alone

Practical Payment

I suck the soul out of anyone who gets too close
They come near and back off like they’ve seen a ghost
Cause I have an emptiness that terrifies
And I can see the vacuum reflect in their eyes
I try to be cautious, keep a distance in between
But now and then I slip up and they see what I mean
Cause I sleep on sidewalks and profess love to the stars
And I don’t respect the steel of prison bars
Or the dust and ash you build into hovels
I will not be as one who grovels
But for all its apparant obviousness, it seems to come as a surprise
When it hits you that everybody dies
And in that oasis held in my still
I have been touched by something that never will
And can’t go back to what was before
And believe what I don’t anymore
As I drive away both friends and foes
The attraction expands and the chasm grows
And I can’t stop the obliteration that filters through the night
I just don’t want to lose you alright
But innocence cannot protect itself
I don’t think I am like anybody else
Where love is just a word you bargain into a deal
If you step into my sphere I will surreptitiously  steal
All the fragments until you’re nothing but bone
And when its done I will leave you alone
And hope my hands paid out what they owe
But whatever you promise I know you will go
So for your own sake please caution your step
Cause I am a darkness that’s not finished yet
And mouth to mouth resuscitation will only leave you gasping for air
Until you realise what just isn’t there
I will fall to the ground and beg for your absolution
But you’re hard of heart to my execution
And punish the payment I gave with my soul
To scratch the surface where I left a hole
As you revolve in bitterness for
What I couldn’t bend to anymore

Extraction

Crafting wishes like dreams in an ancient pocketbook
You’re not sure where to go so you have to look
At the odes you wrote time and again
About reaching that place you can’t quite remember when
But flipping through notes will never reveal
The love adults cannot heal
As you realise in fields of wildflowers
That you have lost most of your powers
And weak is the energy that emenates
From what you used to dominate
As vibrancy hues give up their colour
For the revelation of something other
And you can’t pave the path with stones you can’t lift
And whatever you choose there’s something you missed
As the sharpness of truth bites with fangs
That you never carried out any of your plans
And the goodness you saw in yourself and others
Just further emphasises what you’ll never discover
That you cannot hold death in the palm of your hand
And cannot bring back the oceans they spanned
For for all your anger that prompts defiance
You cannot escape your inherent reliance
On the sun, the clouds, the air you breathe
Its only cause you have life you know how to bleed
And as it is taken by inches, degrees
You want something of substance to see where it leads
So independently consumed as you are
You cannot govern the flight of a falling star
As the laws of gravity pull to the earth
The force of your demands cause you to hurt
As solid resistance meets its counterpart
In the stubbornness of an open heart
And you swore you would rather burn all your days
Than act out the script of someone elses plays
But the grand design just laughs at attempts
And accentuates why you are exempt
From finding a solution by holding on hands
That will momentarily be dust baked by the sands
But somewhere in all this cavalcade
I founder a speaker where my song played
And knotted the twines undone by the seal
Of an authority that doesn’t know how I feel
So captive bound and under duress
I realise the answer I can’t express
That the butchery of modern times
Doesn’t stand up to the light that shines
Unnamably from the source
Of the river that must run its course
And meet again in perfect flow
The end of what it doesn’t know
So plaited in between my lines
Is the home within that defines
Not the abode of mankind
But divinty I thought I’d left behind
And all my trips just emanated
From the desire to have that hunger sated
Calling for an unpayable price
To let go of all the work on site
While I am building castled skies
The liberation lets go and flies
As fluidity of a timeless era
The cobwebs only make it clearer
That I have never exercised my right
To the freedom of wordless goodbyes

Mistaken Identity

Bulletproof like nothing breaks through your armour
I know you didn’t mean to harm her
But you look away like no eyes ever meet yours
And dismiss the tape that replays her words
As she left back the shreds of her dignity
And you tore open her vulnerability
Cause I guess she was just an easy target
So defenceless you didn’t even have to arm it
Now all that’s left is a desert wasteland
And backalley laughs at what’s underhand
Cause the summit of her spirit is what you can never reach
So you have to degrade the things that she speaks
And she won’t play the victim, just let you go
It may only be in hindsight that you know
Just what her trust placed at your feet
But you treated her like an oasis in the heat
A stillness you used as refuge
A desperation you didn’t think you could lose
Though once the wind calls for what it sent
You took what you wanted and retract what you meant
As explainations fail and blank faces ensue
You let her know what someone else will do
To leave the black hole, the vacuum that crushes
And now fear stalks her days leonine in the rushes
Just a smattering of what she used to call herself
Left over from days that her body knelt 
And maybe it took Posidean to know the ocean
But you won’t do it twice or that’s what hoping
So night dawns the chasm of resident evil
Just ask yourself what you’re believing
That would have you trespass where you don’t belong
But you will never kill her song
As lily white resting on the breeze
Takes her to where you could never lead

The Free Men

I can’t beat someone I don’t know how to master
And when I get in too deep I just go down faster
You spindle me quiet, needle and thread
Til I pull out the stitches so that I am dead
And all of the while you have the world on a string
Pulling the puppets who do everything
But all that is nothing to one who sees
And there will come a day I have you on your knees
As you pray for forgiveness for all of your crimes
How you pulled me apart a million times
But times like these cannot be undone
And you lose the battle you think you have won
And what you desire is all in flames
I am the dragon that nobody tames
All of your witchcraft has done naught to me
Than teach the tricks of the trade to who I’m meant to be

Coming and Going

Basking in the glow of your eminent sunlight
You set my soul on fire
With your glow
That only could be indicative
Of a sun bound nuclear fusion
That sips my tea with a new brew infusion
As I decide whether to separate myself from you
From the mythical bounds of unreasonable closeness
That seems to direct my actions
With more authority than my brain is able
Is it safe?
Is it safe, I ask
And you reply
With a repeated question
That I cannot say no to
But take your hand
Amid the wilderness of beauty
Only nature can command

And now you look away and fall flat
And I should be satisfied with that
Because it’s all I asked
That you not be so attached
But now I only want you more
Amid the bounds of defeat
Of all
That is not mine in law
But always will remain
One with me in essence
And powerfully destructive
Of my individuality and sense of self
Like drowning under a wave
You can’t keep your head up

War and Ignorance

War
Fights with itself
Until
It’s is a scrambling mess of bodies
And guns
Discharged
And fully functional
And the mangled wreaths
Of blood and flesh scatter around
As a reminder
Of the wilful ignorance
Of the human condition
To drive itself to the depths of hell
And then say
It is necessary
To survive, to kill
To eradicate the enemy
So that we can fulfil
That which is every empty
And dying
And death will be not our master
But we its king
As we greet it like an old friend
And coming running into its arms
Triumph
We will triumph

Paper Planes

All of these words are just errant musings
The product of introspection and my perusings
And I wonder do they add to naught at all
Just the scribblings of a child in crayon on the wall
But it’s only when I write that I truly see
The breakdown of what is troubling me
And the way I can fix it or how it tapestries
Into the weave of earth’s cosmic mysteries
For there are some things for which no explaining
Could ever illuminate what you’re detaining
When reasons all fail you and you just cannot find
The evidence for your theory that the world is kind
But let it just blossom like the bloom of a bruise
As it spreads out in colours you use
And slowly heals up and returns to source
There are some things even man can’t divorce
Like his or her very own essence
The body is just the skin in which we are dressing
And never can amount to the sum total of us
There’s a power inside where I place my trust
So whether I be broken or raised up on high
I’m aware of that which can never die
And I have been both the bottom of the bowl
And the queen of plaudits but neither touch my soul
I just keep on keeping my cart in the race
And seeing the good in everyone’s face
And nobody worries about the self esteem of the bad
It seems like payback they lost all they had
As punishment reigns on their earthly domain
We say they deserve it when they feel pain
But what are we doing to our brothers and sisters
That we demean them as less in the things that we whisper
And spitefully reap what they could not sow
They’re dead in their eyes so I think I will go
But even if they’ve been bullet strung
They’re not the last step on the laddered rung
And all things of Earth will return to the Divine
It’s just we don’t see how the threads entwine
So forgive the mutineers for they know not what they do
In the words of Jesus and he’s talking to you
So as my broken pen fills out that lament
I send my love to you and that’s where it went

The Monumental Fire

I guess I just got caught in a monumental fire
One that burns me up and never seems to tire
Of eroding me right down to my core
I look to you for help and you tell me I need more
And I guess that you were scared of what I had to offer
Cause it threatened all you had and you needed something softer
But sorry I am made of magnetic steel
And there is no tempering how I feel
Like an ocean, like the sea, like an iceberg standing lone
I always seem to be missing my quintessential home
And I just thought you had it cause when I fell into your arms
You quieted my thoughts and silenced my alarms
And I felt a strange sort of peace descend on my soul
Like I had found the one thing I depend on to be whole
And how you matched my heart with your delicately so
I would have given all I had if you didn’t have to go
And leave me to depart on some far flung trek
I would have walked out on a wire and risked my neck
But to hear you deny me like I never even existed
Took more strength than I owned to have resisted
Crying out for the other half of who I am
And praying that you would understand
But your gaze turned icy cold
And I could see my entitlement in the way I started to fold
And break like that and come apart at the seams
I had always believed in the reality of dreams
And that what was foretold would come to pass
And that one time only love could do nothing but last
But the chains encroached and wrapped around like vines
And I couldn’t speak when you declared you were not mine
But belonged to another and were bonded at the core
When you know it is impossible you only want it more
But I let the full weight of it break my wooden frame
As I conceded to myself I was in love with a name
That stood for a symbol that I was longing to be
What I loved about you is you accepted me
With no conditions and no rules, no, just as I am
So when I shattered the stone I thought you would understand
But it seems there’s only so much you can take
And I will never speak to you again for your own sake
So go live your own life full of happiness and wonder
And I’ll remember how you moved my earth with your rolling thunder
How you cascaded rain down the panes of my vision
And how you hit me in the heart ruthlessly and with precision
And how you struck me on the spot and made me to be
The living embodiment of my own destiny

The White Patterns On The Wall

Beautiful designs paint patterns on the wall
As the faded white lines are designed to enthral
And stun my eyes into a kind of subtraction
That robs me blind of the power of action
And as I stay rooted on the one spot
I think of all the things that I am not
And never could grow up to be
In the conscience of silence it was never me
As I lost my purpose and my will to believe
In anything more than what’s up your sleeve
As you wound me in spindles that went round the earth
I grew up to learn that love could never hurt
Just the jealousy that accompanies that kind of attraction
Could you call it anything more than the king of subtraction
That steals from you the sweetest of feelings
And pours regret into all of your dealings
And how did I come to be bowed down so low
When it was so clear that you’re where I’m to go
And just like a shepherd trying to keep still the night
I don’t know if I harbour the vestiges of fright
For ever having seen an angel celest
I cannot deny that you are the best

Tapestry

A beautiful design weaves its way around my soul
And there are nights inside when I decry the whole
In favour of the incomplete that rocks me back to sleep
And I’ve learned that there are promises that I just cannot keep
So I try to look to you as if you know the way
But you are full of the unspoken that you do not say
As I wait in lines of undefined for something to be real
It is a mystery of darkness the tapestry I feel