Tag: fear

The Ancient War

.Reading time 3 minutes.
There’s a dead in her eyes
That nothing can disguise 
But it always lit up when she looked at me
Didn’t think that I would ever be
The reason why the curtains close
As she follows me down the road
To nowhereland
And it’s all sand 
That just gathers at my feet
An hourglass when we meet
Somewhere in between
And if it’s all a dream 
Then why are we crying 
Over the people that are dying 
Left right and centre
And so I enter 
The hallowed halls
Of the people who can walk through walls 
And the longing calls
Me to let go of the line
That had me doing hard time
In a crater not of my making 
And all the people that I’m forsaking 
When I take that pill 
And it will kill
If I keep on keeping on 
So I have to get gone 
And on the road
Her carriage slowed
Just to take a look at me
And she never sees the free 
I’ve come to be 
Only ever the apparent chains 
The sunlight reflects upon when it rains
And who gains
When everything is lost
Don’t we all just pay the cost
For the brutal tide
That means we are alive
Because we can feel 
Everything that’s real 
And vital and true 
And just because the colour blue 
Is sad and lonely
Doesn’t mean you can’t phone me 
Anytime you want 
I change the font
To match my mood
Meanwhile you just sit and brood
Over a perceived slight 
But you are alright
Aren’t you, aren’t you
I daren’t ask lest it be true 
That the fields are green far past the slide
Of what it means to be alive
And they click go on the PowerPoint 
And I never want to leave the oint-
Ment powder red 
What goes on inside a person’s head
Is the least of what they are 
I look up and see that star 
Shining over my crucifixion 
My errant ways and my eviction 
From the stable then 
I just don’t want to go through that again 
Not for even the best of men 
So I take what they offer 
And the coffer
Is full 
But my skin’s as thin as cotton wool 
They use to mask 
Everything they cannot ask 
Me now the ship has sailed 
The chain linked fence and I impaled 
Over the least of crimes
My only solace in these rhymes
That never lead to the sea
What is it that you are asking of me 
Once more, arís
Some Celtic chieftain once had a feast
But she wasn’t invited 
And so the war ignited 
The gunpowder flame 
That only ever lands upon a name  

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What Was I Thinking?

.Reading time 1 minute.
I let them take me to hell
All the time they wished me well 
And put me through the crucify 
And if I didn’t want to die 
In the beginning, I did by the end 
The kind of torture when you don’t have a friend
Who will save you from the wolves
So I let it go as the pain pulls 
Me into it’s own frame of mind
It was easier than being left behind 
By the man I love
They say his glove
Don’t fit my hand 
But it’s just that they don’t understand 
The mechanics of the thing 
And an angel with a broken wing
Will always look to sky
To find a reason why 
The emotion is not to be found 
In any degree of sight or sound
And she pushes the door back open 
When I was just hoping 
To be on my own 
Now the birds have flown 
On that particular piece of ground 
And all the injustices abound 
In the leaves that fall 
I look at her as I walk down the hall 
To the death squadron firing guns 
They say Mother Earth loves all her sons
But some wield a battle axe 
Some take it to the max
And some just fall short of that 
I’d say it’s okay but it’d be old hat 

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Mo Stór

.Reading time 1 minute.
We watch it unfold before our eyes
Another day, another Palestinian dies 
And their culture is erased like it has no meaning
And the people are not dreaming
Because it’s no nightmare
But a reality that would scare 
The most stoic into submission
I don’t need anyone’s permission
To say what I feel to be true
The end of the genocide starts with you
And I, as we raise a voice to lift the blockade
So that the only shade
The children know is that of a tree
Palestine is forever free
No matter the walls and doors
Checkpoints and bombed out floors
But a spirit nothing can kill
If I know anything it’s that Love never will
Ever be defeated
And my courage has not retreated 
Far enough that I will not say
I can see another way
For the tide to beat the shore 
You are not alone, mo stór

Into The Mystic

.Reading time 1 minute.
Have you ever been afraid of deserted roads
Like you can’t walk them alone
Have you ever been afraid to even leave your home
For fear of what might come to pass
When a guy says; check out her ass
And so the feeling goes
The shame, the blame, the game, God knows

Have you ever been afraid of having one too many
Not because there are guards but coz there isn’t any
To protect what you might call your virtue
The catcalls that just hurt you
As you walk down the street
The uncomfortable feeling when your eyes meet

Have you ever been afraid to say me too, too
For fear of what that punk might do
As he braces against the wall
Ready to hit you with it all

And I’m tired, I’m just weary
And I want you to hear me
When I say I know it’s not all guys
But could you be the one who tries
To make a change
Coz isn’t it strange 
What silence will do 
When there’s walls between us two


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Blocking It Out

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I was the queen of blocking it out 
Back in 2020
And the streets were empty 
Are we all suffering from the trauma 
Of a year and a half of flora and fauna 
Growing up through the pavements that we don’t walk 
And it’s only electronically that we talk 
But somehow I found some kind of telepathy 
Some community 
That are united around the pain 
And it all falls as rain 
And I was terrified 
Of the people who have already died 
In case a list of names might be added 
To the families already saddened
By the might of a hand that swipes across 
And we count the ones we’ve lost
And I remember the first one that was fallen as I stood by her bed 
And she said 
That’s just the way it’s gonna be for a while 
And some people could find a way to smile 
But I was buried under the timber 
And now I’m listening to a singer
Articulate it so much better than me 
The weather got wetter but now I see 
That I was tapped into the collective fear 
And I quenched it in a place that was not near 
To home 
Because I couldn’t be alone
I could sense it coming 
Now everyone is running 
Away from something smaller than a cell
Capable of unleashing hell
Now I”m watching Israel bombing Gaza
Like we haven’t been through it all together 
And they’re using Covid suits to protect them from the weather 
And make nappies for the babies
While we’re told that the dragons have rabies
And it’s catching kind 
Some humanity that’s left behind 
As what divides us conquers 
And it’s as if those who run the place want us
To devour our tail 
And the part of me that is not up for sale
Rails against the storm in the sea 
I thought I was alone but it was just me 






					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Mute And The Foal
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			





It’s impossible to stay angry at you
When you flick that gaze at me 
And I swore that it would be us
For eternity
But the dials switched and changed
The atoms rearranged 
And it seemed like our history
Would stay in the past
Like me getting all those A’s in class
And they called me names
Like all I am is brains
And Deirdre, she cut me down 
Made me wanna run clear outta that town 
And she would pick away at me 
Til I had enough and infinity 
Isn’t far enough to be away from her
Even though I mourn what we were
And I know her depths go unknown
And some of them were shown 
To me too
And there were parts that were true
But the lies they perforate 
And before I know it it’s that date
Again
And men
Seem like my only salvation 
As I make x and y balance the equation 
And I thought I had struck gold
In the ground or at the end of the rainbow
You turned out to be the same as her though 
It was all shits and giggles 
But the next thing the girl wriggles
And you’re gone 
And I say so long
To all that I thought you were
Enjoy the business you have with her
I’m sure it’s mighty fine
But just don’t try to waste my time
Saying you’re my friend
When I only ever saw the end
Of what you were trying to sell
And I wish you both well
But I’m not gonna gallop that pony
And I could be wrong but you’re full of baloney

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Fluctuation
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






The fluctuation hit me like a ton of bricks 
And now I am in bits 
As she sails to another sea
Never knowing the weather she visited on me
And it’s like a plume
You can tell it’s been in the room
Because there is a fume
That wafts
And you could say she’s daft
But it’s more than that
She’s caught in a wave she can’t take back
As she bullets into the sky
And I wonder if I would’ve died
If I’d met her on the road
Because she never slowed
In her speech 
And she is out of reach
As I extend 
The part of me that would mend
A sensory organ
But I can’t get a word in
As it rocks us back and forth
And the worst part of a divorce
Is you never see that person again
Not in the same way, not women and men
I wish her well
Because I know the hell
She is living in
I also know that I cannot win
When that’s in control
God bless her and ease her soul
As it beats against the cage it’s kept in
I wonder does she know Him
In her darkest day
All the same I wouldn’t want to get in her way
When she’s on the wrong side of the beach
I think it’s the lesson she came to teach

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The Birth Of Fear And Suspicion
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






The darkness of the night is very near
And it was an education in fear
When they taught me about the man in black
And that I must be wary of an attack
I still remember the moment it made an impact
Cut to the future and I jacked
When I saw that same abyss again 
And instead of a god, it was men
And I ran and ran 
Because only the truth can
Catch up to me
And the scenery is no match for me
As I turn a blind eye
On what it is to die 
In the midnight of the day
And they tell me it’s okay
I ask the doctor if the devil is real
Because hell is sure what I feel 
When I’m looking in the mirror
And I barely hear her
When she say that she don’t know
She says she’ll help me though
And she’s from India so 
I trust in where this is gonna go 

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Life Is A Tremulous Thing
		

		
.Reading time 3 minutes.

		

			






Life is a tremulous thing 
And a bird with only one wing 
Flies in a circle if she flies at all
I just remember running into the hall
And screaming bloody blue murder 
As I woke up from a sleep 
I had been held in the bed
By a weight I could not keep
And they all held like snooker balls
Atoms of air until they all fall
And weigh on me like turf
But I am released and I surf
The wave out of the room 
Imagine arms catching me with the sound of doom 
And my parents come to me in a flash
And I’m crying, trembling and I can’t put the genie back
In the bottle now that he’s been set free
Every time the phone rings my heart beats against the tree
I use to hold myself together 
Because the weather
Was unpredictable and strange
And no matter how stable it would always change 
As I lose a grandmother to the going away
And I must not cry because she could not stay 
But my ears are pulsing with the noise 
And the din rattles bones like they are play toys
As I always expect the next mute surrender
I gave in to always remember
The torture of losing love to the emptiness
Now the darkness starts to dress
Me in its own clothes and cloak 
Everything around me in the bespoke 
Am I just reading the dial 
When people look at me I fake a smile
So they don’t look to hard
And see the facade behind the business card
I hand out to everyone who wants to get in touch
And you’d never know I love you so much 
When I just stare into your soul 
Every wave is beautiful but they all roll
Into the one 
And every man is somebody’s son 
And deserves respect and compassion
Even when he sings about an assassin 
That lives in his heart
She aimed true though and took the part
He had been protecting out of the dark 
And I bet he was the better mark
In the end
I’d like to think she knows I’m a friend 
But all bullets find their way home
I guess that’s why she’s complete and I am alone 
With my own front facing tremor 
I don’t think I’d want to be on the good ship Endeavour 
Even if I was to stake a claim
And somehow make a name
For myself in the western based media 
But its not all what they feed to ya
As babies cry for mother they’ll never see 
I just don’t want that to ever be me





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A War Of Wills
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			






Me and Power had a war of wills 
And he flexed his skills 
In my direction 
But my selection 
Is to reside where I’ve always been 
And sit in the seat of a goddess or queen 
Somewhere in the avenue of soul 
I wander the grounds and I just roll
With the wave they want to crash
I’ve had better nights on the lash 
As he forces a pill into my hand 
Like he could inopportune the ocean with sand 
And he draws waifs on the beach
And comes to teach 
Me about the dragons that breathe fire
On the weak and never tire 
To seek out souls to ravage and dement 
He doesn’t realise I never went 
Away but to come again 
And I am not afraid of men 
Or of beasts that gnaw
What’s trembling me is the great thaw
As it steals aspects of my glacier 
I am the North Pole and I need ya 
To stem the flow of climate change
But I feel the days get strange 
As I see the ferocious that eats her 
And I know it wants to delete her
And she senses it too 
She’s not mad, she’s just looking into
The abyss and it’s looking back 
I look at the jenga I stack
And I know this house is gonna fall
And I’m not up for playing hard ball
With someone who thinks he knows
Why the woman is on the road 
I just flash him a glance
I think he knows there’s no second chance 

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Young And Foolish
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			






It’s as though as I’ve been infantilised 
So that I can become human in their eyes
And it’s not like me at all
It doesn’t fit the brick wall
That was erected 
In the space her love deflected
Like it was a poison drink 
And I feel myself begin to sink 
In the grand abyss
And my old self is something that I miss
When young and seventeen 
I could manage the dream 
Just fine
Til calamity became mine
As his darkness spread a sea
Over the blanket that had become of me
Like clouds keeping the earth warm 
Eventually the break into a storm 
That fosters the people in their solemn grin 
And they say that sex is sin 
But they all do it anyway 
So I push that characterisation away
Because if we go by generations past
The pain will everlast 
Into the future
And no suture 
Can heal the gauzy wound 
I watched the winds of doom 
Close in around that sea 
And they call it sacred warfare and indignity 
Seems to be the order of the day 
But I do not look away 
From the images that perforate 
The screen that masks the dark of hate 
That propels people into motion 
And suddenly I am floating 
Above it all 
And the call 
Pummels my door
So I answer it, and what’s more
I let it take me somewhere new
I’m giving it up for them and I’m giving it up for you

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The Feast That Keeps Alive
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			

There is a feast that keeps alive
And there were times I didn’t want to survive 
The aching pull of forever
As it dragged me to another endeavour
Far across the sea
And New York just wasn’t me 
When I found myself on its streets 
But there is no one that it meets
On a level playing field 
So I follow the wind and I yield 
On Flatbush avenue 
I’d never felt so black and blue
Walking towards the Brooklyn Bridge
Like it was Hacksaw Ridge 
And the forest had enclosed 
Me and the path I chose
It was dark and serene 
And something screamed to wake the dream 
Into the boundlessness of true life
I will never be a wife
Over the love of you 
But I will be your One if you want me to
He just sighs and looks away
And there is nothing left to say
On the phone to keep him there
And I hear him swear 
Silently under his breath
His monotone sings of resentment and regret 
And it blisters my skin like a poison chalice 
It’s almost like I can sense the malice 
That brews underneath
And someone calls me the Messiah on the street 
And I wonder if I emanate that charm 
Or if I should ring the alarm 
That keeps me safe from harm
They call it medication 
I call it the train station 
That docks opposite ports
And there is a divorce 
Somewhere in our history 
But it doesn’t envelop the mystery
That you always are
I look up and you’re my North Star

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Wrecking Ball
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






There was a demon I saw in her 
It let go and destroyed what we were 
And it’s belligerence knocked buildings and homes
Til I was in a room crying all alone 
And trying to find even keel 
Because of all this weight that I feel
And I try to tell souls but they don’t care
Or they don’t understand because they weren’t there
When it all went down 
As she screams into her cup
And I have had enough
Of that rejection
So I depart from natural selection
And find my own ground
It is a peaceful sound 
In my room all alone
And I lock the darkness out of my phone 
Because I gravitate 
Towards the light that equivocate
The messes I have made
And if you’re a tree do you love shade
Just because that’s what you cast
I didn’t think this thing would last
So very long 
And I know I look strong
But the wind knows the weakness in my knees
The foibles in what I believe 
To be true
Why do I still trust you? 





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Problematic
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






There is a map of the problematic 
And there are people at it 
Again as I close the door
Because I don’t want to hear any more
And does that make me cold or aloof
Because I need the proof 
Of what I have come to be 
When you meddle with a river set free
You will be flush with water
And they can say I am haughtier 
Than I’ve ever been 
But I stand outside the dream 
And just watch 
Everyone burning down the clock 
Saying that they have fun 
But I see the end and it is one
With the present moment scent 
I don’t know where yesterday went
Because it was here a moment ago
But I can’t hold onto it, so 
I let it flow
And something unfolds
Like the spirit had foretold 
An eon past
And what is it that will last
When our bodies have faded to dust 
Born of either love or lust 
There is no opposite to the true
And I see it in you 





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It’s Not My Fault
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			






I watch it fly into the sky
And, you know, everyone cry
But not everyone wakes while they live
It happens when you forgive
That girl who took a lightning strike 
And aimed it at me but, like, 
I turn it into some kind of illumination
And now every tv station
Plays my tune
Like I’m the only one in the room
And I meet someone I would like 
To meet in the dead in the night
Sneaking out into the grass
I didn’t think our love would last
But it’s been fifteen years
And we’ve weathered rain clouds emptied of tears
As they fall on us
And I trust
Him to do just what he craves
But he’s the Superman who saves
Me from the boring grey
He is like a sun ray
That sets all the colours a throb
And I give him what he wants to rob
From me
And dignity
Won’t keep this secret quiet
It’s always been a riot
In that avenue 
And his blue
Offsets my red
Til we’re white light in bed 
Making one with the serene
This is beyond the dream
And they say twin flames reside
In the place where duality hides
Its face from something so pure
He’s what I bank on and I know for sure
That we’ll always be eternal prose
And he might be the one who chose
Me, but on my side
I’m just glad he’s alive
In this incarnation
And my education
Taught me to always say no
But with him I’m like, let’s go
And get on with the show
You claim to make 
But I’ll be no oven to bake
Some buns for the eating 
I gotta be the one you’re keeping 
For forever in a sigh
Our love will never die 

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Always And Forever
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






Always and forever in bubblegum pop
I will always be something that you are not
And strive to reach
But something they cannot teach
Is that you are what you are
And everyone burns like a star
Til its collapse into a black hole
The light returns to its soul 
Somewhere in the deep
In a universe where you cannot speak
Of the secrets they utter
And the shutter
Flies shut on the window
As I see her with him, though
And drop out of the sky
Because some people want to die
When they see their lover
With another
But all I feel is gratitude
That she holds the heart of that dude
And keeps him warm
Because every storm
Crashes upon my shore
And everything means something more
Than it’s first inception
And your deflection
Does nothing to dim
The weight of worlds I am to him
I see it in his eyes
And that never dies
Once it is born
So forlorn
Though so replete 
The lady washed the man’s feet
With her hair
I know because I was there

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Empath
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






The empath walks and she believes
In everything she finds upon her sleeves
To be hers
But all the wars
That people fight
In their own candlelight
Are open season
And she finds the reason
To live
And forgive
The girl that broke her heart
And left her in the darkest dark 
In the age of fourteen
There were nights I couldn’t dream 
At all
And every wall
I ever faced
Was somehow out of place
In this vast open space
Like stars in the darkness of the case
We are all held within
And the notion of sin
Is archaic and grey
And I don’t believe in it anyway
As I make my First Confession
I sit in the pews wondering what expression
Of grief I should portray
Because I cannot find the way
To see evil inside of myself
Everything is ancient and on the shelf
And I take it down and dust off
The trust that all is not lost
As dawn breaks and I realise
That I am more open skies 
Than I ever was land
I see you there and I take your hand
And lift you up
And if I ever thought I knew love
It was this moment here
You are my eternal, dear 

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Machinations
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






The machinations work 
And they hurt
As I make myself small
To appeal to you all
And it’s not because I hold a grudge
That I trudge through all this sludge
Into the mists of time
And my rhyme 
Gets relegated 
Into something somebody stated
One time in the hall
I hold myself back and the freefall
Is more than I can bear
And I tear 
In the fabric rush
And everything I seem to touch
Turns to ash
And I can’t get it back 
Anymore than I ever could
And the wood 
Is the only place I can find peace
From the threat of the decease
As it throws patterns on the wall
And it’s not part of me at all
Anymore
Because that closed door
Opened into a new sky
And I realised I could never die

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Missed You Forever
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			





It’s been so long since we touched 
I’m day drinking and my head is fucked 
Thinking about your soul
Trying to kill the longing with Eckhart Tolle
Coz I see you and I’m lost in the cave 
Thinking about who it is I’m gonna save 
With my supernova shine
But are you really mine 
If you’re sharing your bed with her
And we were wed in the water 
That baptised my spirit
There’s a call but I don’t think you hear it
So I back off though my head screams 
He’s the man of your dreams
And I leave down the phone
High off being with you alone 
As we shout profanity
Into what is pure insanity 
And we’ve both had our tussles with the law
As the icicles go through the great thaw
In the winter of my life
It’s a nuclear sort of strife
And is she your wife
I haven’t looked so I don’t know, like
And I swore in 2.0
I wouldn’t let you go
Even if we break up, you know
And it’s December 2012 and I’m crying into the fire
Coz this thing’s not going any higher 
Like the ball in the sky coming back to earth
I don’t think it’s meant to hurt
It’s just the way it is 
And she may be his
Between the lines 
I play it a thousand times 
And almost faint on the floor 
That time when I saw you adore her 
From the inside of your hoodie
I thought she was just your buddy
But I was wrong
And so strong
But I’m spinning out
Tripping on all my self doubt
As I slowly come to realise 
You only saw me in her eyes

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Sinking Feeling
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			

I clung to the shore 
I had discovered and what’s more
It was my safe space 
Nothing could touch that place 
Then I was eighteen 
And the darkness invaded the dream
It came in a box on the sea
Moving closer towards me 
Then it opened and the black came out
Coloured by fear and my self doubt
I tried to save the beach
But it was forever out of reach
And there’s no going back now 
I must find a way to swim somehow 
In the ocean that has submerged the land 
I don’t expect anyone to understand
As I explain 
That the sky is pouring rain
And I happen upon a kindly soul
But do I let him into how my waves roll
I think he knows anyway
Though he laughs at what I say
With a bashful grin
And I must admit that I love him
In the moment he listened and heard
The call of that solitary bird 
On the branch
And life is like a cattle ranch
Always hemming you in
But there’s a time to lose and a time to win 
And if you could but grin
I think I could accept what has made me sin 
Against the God I know
But bliss is kissing me in the snow 
When the monumental march
Gives vessels to the ground that parch
In the baking heat
If you’re hearing this get back on your feet!

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Forgiveness And Its Release
		

		
.Reading time 3 minutes.

		

			





Forgiveness opens the heart
When you agree to be a part
Of this grand swathe we call life 
Even when it isn’t nice
And the bitterness broke
Like a sea over me 
When someone I thought
Would adore me 
Forever, shattered the glass
Told me that it just wouldn’t last
And I let my hand fall 
Coz I knew a brick wall
Is not for the turning
And my indignancy’s burning 
As she calls me out 
As a princess in an ivory tower
I abdicate and she has all the power
Whispering to ears
That I caused her tears
And am malign
If she wants an ending
Well that’s fine
I let her go 
No more chasing what I don’t know 
Coz I feel for her 
But what we were 
Is toxic through and through
She poured little bullets into
My coffee when I was set on drinking
My friends say that I’m overthinking 
The matter, it’s just jealousy
But she has the will to turn all against me 
I pass Sinéad McCormack in the hall 
She averts her gaze and my heart fall
In her confidence 
I’m all marks and little dents 
From the pillars she pricked 
You wouldn’t have thought the memory sticked 
In my soul for so long
For though I did no wrong
In my own estimation
I flick to her station 
And public enemy number one 
Is me basking in the sun
Of the God of all light
Coz He chose me, alright
When the going was tough
And I had run dry of all my love
As death pierced my balloon 
The rumblings of threat 
And what’s always too soon 
But she didn’t see
What I left in the library
When I closed the door 
I won’t be back here anymore 
And it was soft
I didn’t let her know she inflicted a cost
Coz I wouldn’t please her 
As they say
But would you deceive her 
Come what may
Into thinking she meant the sky
One thing’s for certain
We all die 
And the even fate
Levels it’s gaze at me as I wait
For the gong
And the throng
That follows suit
Do you think I am a flute
To live with your bite
And apologise to you, alright 
For being what I am 
I’m sorry but that’s not my plan
In the effervescent 
Look for true care and you’ll find the essence 
Of what I sought to impart
I’m an Aries and my heart
Will rule the head 
And instead 
Of giving in
I walk out, and that’s my sin 
As she looks on
At what’s gone 
And wonders why
Friends don’t try to make you cry
So, I hope you’re well
But as for admittance 
You can go to hell

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Nobel Prize Winning Barbie
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			






I used to dream of winning the Nobel Prize
For peace and then for literature 
Coz I wanted to be recognised 
And mean something in somebody’s life
I grew older then I saw
Humanity is going through the great thaw
Where we are frozen in place 
Slowly expanding as a human race
Out of our beliefs and systems 
Our fear and our resistance 
And as the calamity grows 
The collective ego in its death throes 
Makes some noise 
While someone says boys will be boys 
But to make war
Is futile because what’s it all for 
And if Ken faces Ken
Do we just sacrifice all our men 
So our constitution 
Can go through a revolution 
To say we are free
If it were up to me 
I would point out the flaw
That has us all labouring under the law
Of the material dimension
Like the gig is rigged with poor suspension
And all the adults fight
As the children ask “Will it be alright?”
And wonder if they will grow into
The terrible things that people do
To each other under duress
And you can say it’s just stress
To question existentially 
They had me put away for profanity
When I called it out
But all my self doubt
Snaps the thread 
And I wake up out of my head
Where the mind controls 
Women, men and their respective roles 
Yes, if you haven’t guessed 
I am far from impressed 
With the status quo
But how do I change it, I just don’t know
Live the hermit life
Opt out of work and being a wife
Stand tall and true
Only to have people talk down to you
Like you’re delusional too
This is the way it is or haven’t you
Realised 
But my skies 
Are open and free
Something in the clouds came down and blessed me 
Now I write and write 
About the sunlight
And how it triumphs over night
As we walk through
The valley in the shadow of the death that I knew
Watched it take away
My childhood like I didn’t have a say
But innocence returned 
As the threads were burned 
Like vines that entrap 
Eventually they fell off the map
That told me where to go
It’s been years but the diamond show

Photo Credit

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Running In The Forest
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			

Running in the forest like a scared little girl
What would happen if the world 
Just stopped spinning where it is 
And why am I His 
For so long
Without any rotary blade 
To put the sun in the shade 
Of all that you know so well
Is the earth going to hell 
In a hand basket 
And if it is does it wonder why we don’t ask it
What it needs 
And the people bleed 
In a foreign land 
As we all wait on tenderhooks 
Suspicious of what they might take 
Looks that worry about the quake 
That seems to be shaking the superstructure 
And it’s a wonder something doesn’t rupture 
In the facade 
What if there’s no good or bad 
Only the Ultimate seeking to express itself 
Souls oblivious to the wealth
They hold inside 
Oh, what a time to be alive!

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Influx
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			

I can sense the influx
And I give all the fucks 
About how we turn out
Don’t want this fire to burn out
As it singes the edge of my shirt
And the heat starts to hurt 
I watch the tv screen
Is this just a dream 
In cosmic consciousness 
And if it is who do I address 
To find out where to go
If you’ve met God could you let me know 
Because following the line 
Grows tiring over time 
And the hinges sink their teeth
Into the jamb of the door 
I couldn’t have wanted anyone more 
But it did me no good 
Snow White in the wood 
Just screaming because the eyes 
Surround her like lies 
In the fabric of what she knows
And it’s like anything goes 
In this midnight era 
I don’t know how to make it clearer 
It’s gonna get worse before it gets better 
And the weather 
Is just a reflection of that
Some iambic pentameter wearing the sun’s hat 
As it shines down 
Some people live and others drown

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Feathered Oasis
		

		
.Reading time less than 1 minute.

		

			

The feathered oasis of calm in my mind
When I think of the trouble I’ve left behind
Like a minute fibre in the distance
Let’s take a minute to remember resistance
As it barricades the doors and fortifies the walls 
Falls deaf to years of desperate calls 
To just be the way I am
And chasing Sam
Like a dream in the sky
Is nothing to the blue of his eye
When he smiles at me
Do I get to call free
The newfangled word
Or will I forever remain unheard 

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Powerlessness
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			

Powerlessness
You’re gone, you’re gone
And I didn’t even get to say so long
With your spiky hair
And the way you have of always being there
Are you Spirit now, do you wander through walls
Touching hearts, leave us all enthralled 
With your vagabond
And I abscond 
To elope 
Coz it’s at least a way that I can cope
With the gaping hole, the void, the void 
You were never just one of the boys
And no one has the answer
Life is the movement and you’re just the dancer
On the stage of life
I wonder if I would’ve been your wife
In the years that passed
I thought about it but I never asked 
You to my grad
Now I sit alone and I feel bad
For what we never got to be
And she
Crushes me with a glance
Another spiral, another lance
On the boil of truth
Oh, what is youth
But the sudden celebration and the demise
But it disappears when I look in your eyes
And all I can see is the expanse
I watched you and Linda dance
And felt a pang of jealousy 
Or something akin to it because we
Have a moment by the bar
And that star
Still shines for you
I survive because you want me to

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Not In A Million Years
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			

Not in a million years or any version of reality
Could life replace what you mean to me 
And I know I was mad on the phone
A passionate Aries all alone
As you fit me into the box
Of a woman in need of locks 
So I rebel, rebel 
And tell you to go to hell
Coz you don’t understand 
You’ve only ever been a man
And the status quo
Is not something I’d like to keep, so
I smash right through the walls you construct
And I don’t give any fucks 
A delectable female on the line
That only wants to make you mine
And I hear the silent pause
That doesn’t obey any laws
Or gravity
What do you think of me 
I shudder and the earth quake
I’m sitting in the room and I shake 
As I try to hold it all in
But I love, I love him
And I’m hearing voices in my head
One tells me to just go to bed
And rest and keep
The best of me for sleep
Let the softness ensue
And I remember that song came out too
That August but I felt nothing at all
Except like banging my head against the wall
And it is silent desperation as I wake at three
Think the devil is talking to me
And the lights all went out
It coincided with my doubt
So I ran to Jennai
How do I remember the name of the nurse 
That sprinkled sawdust on a golden hearse
That seems to carry my body from place to place 
While the demons just lay waste
To the life I used to know
You told me to just let go…

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Fear To The Touch
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			





You could be dead and I wouldn’t know
Does the pain start to show
As I mourn your form
So cold where it used to be warm
And I remember kissing the forehead
Of my Grandad in the coffin
It was like ice
And the shock 
Made my soul splice
Into multiple parts
How do you move with a broken heart
And the beat tries to keep you steady
But it stutters and I wasn’t ready
To commit my life to a mortal thing
Coz this bird with broken wing
Can’t fly
And you could die 
And I would shatter like a pane of glass
But somehow in the mists something last
And keeps me walking to your door 
Leaving notes for someone I adore
So he might know 
That, though it doesn’t show
I hold him close to my breast
Calamity and the rest
Can’t shake the ground I know
I watched you change and grow 
From a boy to a man
Through facebook coz I can
And it may track my every move
But I’ve nothing left to prove
Except to leave my open hands
There for the slipping sands
That are the years of us
I shake but I trust

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
So Close It’s Hot
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			

What is God if not a man
And I can’t seem to understand
The love I feel 
When the mountain kneel
At the foot of you
I want you too
It’s not one sided at all
I’m standing behind the waterfall
As it shields the shimmer
And I think we’re onto a winner
As you laugh and mess my hair 
I remember coz I was there
And I was so much younger then
But so we’re you and again
I play the tune that resonates
Could we call the Ball our dates 
As the Vengaboys play
And Liosa is not okay
So I exit the crowd with her
And I was loving what we were
As you followed us out
And all of my self doubt
Falls at the sight of your grasp
On all that is made to last

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Everest
		

		
.Reading time less than 1 minute.

		

			






Her pain is a mountain
That I can’t scale 
Like many on Everest
I’m born to fail
But I keep coming back
To her heavenly light
Whispers in the morning
You’ll be alright
And we grow up
Dust ourselves off
But we’ve still got 
That persistent cough
That hints at something
Underneath
She lowers a blow
Knocks me off my feet
And I know 
She don’t mean it
But did I 
Dream it
That we once were something true
Until I disappointed you
By being myself 
In a garden of verdant wealth
All to blossom and free
Sorry but, babe, you’re gnawing at me

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Jesus Is Lord
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






The burning pain encases my soul
And like the waves I roll and roll
Until I crash to the floor
And all I used to adore
In verdant green
Is part of what it means 
To walk in this skin
And part of me’s in love with him
As we age and pale
Giving up what’s not for sale 
To the highest bidder
It’s first come, first served and the weather
Is just one more seasonal spin
Do I let him in
Coz he’s knocking down my door
Hammering ever more and more 
As the years pass 
And I was outclassed
In the long grass
And today I went to Mass
And felt that age old relief
As I stepped back into belief 
As I stare at a man on a cross
Thinking all is not lost
Coz my Saviour died for me 
But He lived and that sets me free
That Truth exists 
And quells the sound in the mists 
That grapple and let me go
This cloud looks like it’s full of snow
Or thundered might
But Jesus loves me and I’m alright

Photo Credit: https://pin.it/5eSMcGv

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Outliers
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			

Oh, the weather brought in Stephen
And I was weary with all of the leaving
Behind that I had done
Searching for the only one
And they say that awakening can land
You in a state where you’re under command
And out of the control you think you know
There’s nowhere it leads that I will not go
And I found myself in a psych clinic
I kept trying to explain why I shouldn’t be in it
But they brush past my honesty like it was lies
Pinned up a frame over my eyes
To tell me who they think I am
But I constantly fall outside the plan
And the time flowed past me like sand
Rough and brittle with the misunderstand
Til I met a common heart
And he made my pain look like art
With his smile and his self conscious laugh
I was doing yoga when I stretched my calf
And I wanted to explain just what was in my mind
Flexible around the river bend
And why do I stand for this shit
Oh, the ocean I flow with
Had me by decree
Down on one knee
Proposing a new direction
Standing outside natural selection 
Into a reverberate that would sound
The corridors I walked around
In monuments to my fear
But there was always someone near
And I was shaking with the times
Am I stepping on land mines
Or is everywhere I place my tread
Safely like they never said
And it’s hard to reconcile
That place with my secret smile
The one that knows no bounds
I used to listen for the sounds
That would set me free
I am okay, but hey, that’s just me!

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Flame and the Letting Go
		

		
.Reading time 3 minutes.

		

			

Suffering means I love you more
And I’m always banging on your front door
To see will you let me in
And you just remind me of him
His casual ways, his beautiful dance
His chest, the rest and his hands
As they fold themselves into mine
It is the cessation of time
As in the moment held forever
Is the faith of a new endeavor 
As it opens out to sky
I love you and I don’t know why
Only the beauty to burst through
The diagrams I see in you
And in all that’s sad and lonely
I’m wondering why you don’t phone me
When we left it on so bad a note
And there are pages that I quote
Which makes up the dream of us
The magnitude, the waves, the trust
In all that we can’t imbue
I’m waiting for what you might do
With your love, the sea, the stars
The way you melt those prison bars
Down into metal ore
I know you better than I did before
But you are untouchable, unattainable 
The clouds are grey, the day raining and dull
And you’re just some other where 
I keep looking, you’re not there
And you may have another chick
And I the page that you flip
But anyway, bitterness won’t get me far
Not when you’re written on my heart
And I feel this seething for all we were
And the fact that I’m not her
And I know it’s selfish and self absorbed 
I should just take you at your word
When you say you’re happy there
That you’ve found love and true care
But I’m gnawing at the edges and all the seams
I still see you in my dreams
Sometimes you’re mine, more you’re not
I’d write them down but I forgot
Exactly what they had to say 
Some kind of I’m not going away
But everything does 
All that is is a remnant of what was
And I fight the tide
But the waves crash and abide
In the place they’ve always been
There is the dimension of the seen
Then other ones
Diagonals and come undones 
Would you marry me?
So that the bird could be set free
But I’m letting go
Of all I thought that I know
To find a new shore
Worship all I adore
As it comes in close
Would you haunt me like a Holy Ghost?

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Even If I Could
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			





There were days I wanted to
As I stumbled down the hall
Keep my head up
When I feel like I’m gonna fall
Or drown under it all
And they say the words and they echo 
But they can’t get me to let go
Of what keeps me straight
I tell the truth, they say to wait
And this secret eats me up
When I know it’s born of love
Brimming full of a Sunday sun
Like God is the only one
Who could ever know
What it is I can’t let show
Coz it’s dark and crazy and gets me locked up 
It’s as though I know I must drink from this cup
And we all die
And cry
Behind closed doors
Or not at all
I wonder which is worse in my own freefall 
And the darkness came one sudden night
Some kind of fire to ignite
In a vacuum empty
And it wasn’t until I was twenty
That I realized 
Beyond the clouds are blue skies 
And somewhere in the midst of all the hate
Is food on my dinner plate 
And a feast at the table
Lift your head if you’re able
Coz few are those who could do it for ya
So don’t rely on the dictum, do ya
Find that sweet source beneath the pain
There’s a place beyond the rain
And when you’re soaked through and through
You wake up to the reality, don’t you? 

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
When You Looked Like Love
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






It was ‘14 and I was on the run
And you kinda looked like a loaded gun
And I wondered if you would go off
So I paid the cost
And let the ship go down
Kinda dropped out of that town
And they called it a scene
But, guess what, they are livin’ the dream
In a living room potion
I’m equal parts water and emotion
As the sea afloats
A rising tide that lifts all boats
In the midnight blues
Would you be just old news
If I read the feed
But wanting you made me bleed
In deeply unconscious states
The girl waits
For it all to be right
Then suddenly ignite 
With all she is
But I am not his
In the movement that belies 
The futile moment that he tries
To stem the flow
Of realizing I cannot go
Any closer to you
So, I’ll back off, that’s what I’ll do
Into the depth that surrounds
And riverbeds quake grounds
But they can’t uproot the tree
That’s been growing within me
So you can keep the label
I’ll keep the love, if I’m able! 

Photo: https://pin.it/4qeR038

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Terrifying Moment Of Us
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			

Photo by Chermiti Mohamed on Pexels.com





The loss means taking a hit
You think it means nothing but I feel every bit
Of pain you inflict
And I can call you a dick
But it doesn’t change the feeling inside
All I do is hide
It from prying eyes
But there’s a time when the disguise
Is a weight to bear 
And I tie up my hair
Because it’s too long
And your song
Still rings in my ears
Throughout the years
Of uncried tears
And I’m just sitting in my car at the Mall
Thinking of the time you called me pal
And I can’t get back that day
And it’s in everything you Say
That we can’t hold ourselves back from the bridge
That holds us over the river 
Do I forgive her
For the darkness that she opened
Like a Pandora’s box
But something undid the locks
And I can credit her with something she did not
Know she was doing
And all these dreams I’m pursuing 
Are just ways I escape 
From Superman’s red cape
As it tries to cover me 
And tell me I’m free
But I’m sad and I’m weak
I remember days I couldn’t speak
For want of crying 
Why is everyone dying
Slowly, then all at once
Kinda like how you fall in love


					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Hotfire Bitch
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			





You’re a hotfire bitch
You drive around the town
Spitting out air 
Like I want you around
But the Grace has fallen
Like a star to earth
You try to stick
To the old hurt
But it don’t last
Coz it’s in the past
And I don’t hate you
But the love is gone
(Was it just attachment
All along?)
And we were young 
And running through grass
How did I know
That it wouldn’t last
As you would attack
Every time I turned my back
Take me down 
Because of what you lack
But the sky split the seam
And the lightning struck
And you can’t read me
I’m not a good book
So talk or don’t 
Reach out but I won’t
Ever let you in again
Go play your tune
To some of your men
And write me off
Is it bad I’m glad
Over what I’ve lost 

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Power Of My Voice
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			





The power of my voice
I speak and it’s not by choice
It’s like God has hold of my tongue
And I surrendered to Him when I was young
Now he commands more than I can believe
I let Him move me and it relieve
The pressure that’s been building
Up in my soul
Does a wave know it’s water
When it starts to roll
Only to crash back into the sea
Never really leaving the vicinity 
Of ocean all the time
I thought I could call the people mine
But they turned on me and the desire
Burned in me like sulfurous fire
Always aching to reach out beyond
They lock me up and I abscond
Only to be returned to the same place again
The bathroom floor and me are great friends
And it is cool against my cheek
Do you remember that time I got weak
And collapsed in front of the class
I didn’t know the Revelation last
Now I’ve got vines pulling at my hands
I’ve got an hourglass and it’s slipping sand 
But does God just turn it when the time runs out
So He can achieve without any doubt
And is there a way I can transcend 
Something about the riverbend 
And being open to what you don’t know
I held on so tight, now I let go
And the winter can’t stop me loving the snow 
His hand connected with the wrong side of a blow
And I was felled just like a tree
Except it didn’t really happen to me
Just some grass in the forest
I don’t know what I’m doing, if I’m being honest
But the road is paved, the path is beaten
And I can’t avoid the moment I meet Him
There in the woods of ill repute 
You wear a dress, I’ll play the flute
And music will last for the whole night
I look up and grin because I am alright

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Taking The Scene
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






She made a run for the dash
A finish line of I want cash
And it was as though I was the bank
No one there you gotta thank
And she drew from me the ebb and the flow
Til I conceded to let her go
And it was not without reservation
But I’m not tuned to that tv station
And really sad could be a description 
But it wasn’t I who forced the eviction 
As she moved my hand to sign the ink
The sign on the wall said “think”
And I fell apart in the ruins of us
It was as though I couldn’t trust
Even my step to hold firm
And I know there are things to learn
But you had me in close by the soul
Til you told me that you don’t roll
With the punches like I do
And I have to
Accept that you 
Are distancing and space in between
What was summer is now just a dream
I had at fifteen
I let you go and leave the scene



Photo: Chad Greiter on Unsplash.com

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Battered And Bruised
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






Is she battered and bruised
Or just slightly used
Coz I can’t clamber back up
Into the heights of our love
It’s like something has been locked out
And it smacks of my doubt
In a crescent moon
And is the end coming soon
Or do we have time
Is it a holy crime
To count the days of tomorrow as now
Coz life won’t let me somehow
It gives me clear directions and tells me write
I look up and you’re alright
So I dip my quill
Let the ink spill
And though I never will
I paint pictures with the upmost skill
Until
The bell chimes
And we’re full of “I’m fine”s
But how are you really
And do you feel me
Or is it just refraction
I’m stifled by my own inaction
In the face of war
Could you tell me what it’s for
Coz I hear the gun ring out
And my self doubt
Spirals a song
Could you tell me what I’m doing wrong?
And I feel our humanity
But it’s just not up to me
As I swim in the stream
Against the current and it’s a dream
Can I wake up now
I’ll hold your hand if you allow
So that we both might stir
My reflection in the still of her






					

	




					
						


		

		

			
He Reaches Out To You
		

		
.Reading time less than 1 minute.

		

			





Love, he reaches out to you
And, God, I don’t know what to do
But I move my feet
To the tune of his beat
And it’s not quite a dance
Coz it’s woken from the trance
And music don’t sound the same
But I vibrate to the holy name
Of the one who saved my life
Not once but more than I’d like
And I’ve been relegated in the extreme
But it’s only within the dream

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Sewing My Thread
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			

Photo by Ron Lach on Pexels.com





I looked out the window
I watched for the tide
With news from the sea
That you might be alive
And I can't preempt destiny
Or run with the wolves
I've just got this awesome 
And hot damn it pulls
Me like a thread
Through a needle eye
I just wait for news
And hope you don't die
Somewhere afar
Where I can't reach you
Life said, love, listen
And let the truth teach you
Coz I can't be a summer
When winter has dawned
I can't be the clock face
That someone has pawned
For gold or money
Or just getting by
I know life is hard
But I've gotta try
To find the flow
That runs a river
I know I've been gone
But could you forgive her
For the fear in her blood
It runs in her veins
And it's not easy 
To erase the stains
That come from a life
Of denying truth
It's almost too much
The paragon of youth
As I finally come round
The smelling salts
Wake me and take me 
As my nose assaults
My senses with something 
That's meant to rouse
I don't mean to disappoint
I want to make you proud

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Writing My Storm
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com





Writing my storm
Well, at least I'm warm
Coz the thunder rumbles 
And the lightning cracks ground 
And I can feel the heat surround 
As the cold front meets it match
An opposite in a roof of thatch
As it sets fire to what it knows
And it's, you know, anything goes
And I've destroyed everything I once had
I speak my mind and I feel bad 
But at least I'm living 
Is it time for more forgiving 
Of the grudge match I keep with her
Coz I'm mad at what we were 
As she'd take a little pick
And chip away at me, so to speak 
Carving out a Michelangelo
From all the places I will not go 
Til suddenly the dial it spins 
And she's cast from my withins
In a door slamming shut on time
I can't acquit you for this crime
Coz if I did you'd do it again
And I don't know if I can call you friend
As you take what you used to know
And sacrifice it on the go
On an altar you worship days 
And I'm confused in so many ways
Coz I thought we were cool but I resolve
Not to be a problem to solve
But the answer I've always craved
I guess it's Heaven and the unsaved 


					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Life In Eden
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			





There’s no way back now
We’ve got to find a new way somehow
To cut a swathe through the tide
Really breathe while we’re alive
And we may have realized
That we’re all living under blue skies
But we hide behind each tree we find
Conceptualize it with the power of mind
And search for a way to be secure
But don’t you know we’re all born pure
And I’m not trying to catch you out
But don’t you think it’s good to doubt
And question what you don’t understand
The life of the free is never planned
But an unfoldment in Universal degree
I may be wrong but hey, that’s just me!

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Fighting My Femininity
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			






I fight with my femininity
It evokes love
But I can’t tie myself
To any of the above
Only open my heart
For peace to be shared
Open my notebook
To say that I cared
And that I’m not
In this quiet, tight space
But dreaming of days 
When I touch your face
Telling you all 
You mean to me
Not closing the door
So you can be free
And I know that I have put out
More than I take back
And I have been hobbling 
Over what I lack
But the sight of you
Is like a comet true
And I’m shaking just thinking
Of what I would do
If you were mine
To have and to keep
To wake up beside
A good nights sleep
And you’re kind and you’re awesome
I’ve been keeping you away
I look down at my feet
Coz I don’t know what to say
And you tell me I’m lovely
And beautiful
He left me empty
Now I am full
Of a joy that’s brimming
Full of trust
Can I come in, baby
It’s a must
And you look at me
As if I defy
The life I’m leading
As some kind of lie
But I just wanna be
Myself again
A woman in
A world full of men
Telling me how 
I should contain
This heart of mine
That’s broken with pain
But shining with gold
As I repair
The parts of myself
That knows you are there
That knows there is kindness
And there is truth
More than monuments 
I’ve built to our youth
And nobody knows
Or can describe
The feeling of loving
Breath when you’re alive
And I’m haunted by loss
And the threat of death
Keep living days 
Full of regret 
Coz I can’t control
The passing of seasons
Or people with pride
And a bowl full of reasons
And is it insincere 
To proclaim my devotion
To the silence
In all the commotion
As I feel the movement
Of a pin drop
Signaling winter
Or the moment to stop
And take in an aside
Of all we’re meant to be
I didn’t know if you knew
So I’m letting you see

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Liberation
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






Hiding part of myself
Had me holding onto mental health
As the only way to steady the ground
As it shakes to the sound
Of white noise and light
I’m one of the boys and I’m alright
As I take a sip of a drink 
Then throw the rest of it down the sink
Coz I want to keep my nerves
As something that serves
Me instead of fighting a war
Coz both sides lose what the winnings for 
As the turmoil draws you in
Ducks in a row like lines of sin
And the winter seems to last forever
But you haven’t seen the last of this endeavour 
As I grapple with the ghost that throws me down
I’m in the ring and out of town
As they all call my name 
I say goodbye to the chains of shame 

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Red Of Fire
		

		
.Reading time less than 1 minute.

		

			






I actually haven’t lost my spark
Or my ability to make a mark
And it seems my visage has grown strained
Wearing a look so pained
From all the trials I’ve been through
All for the courage I lacked in you
As you exclaimed against your will
That love is nothing but a skill
And I soared into the roaring sun
All for fear of being come undone
That I feel in your presence blue
The red of fire I am to you

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
50 Year Stand
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






We could have a fifty year stand
And I could live with holding your hand 
But I could never be bound to profess
That I’m anything more than this minidress
And what I’m meaning to confess
Is that I reach for you in my distress
But I don’t see forever in your eyes
Because, you know, everybody dies
And I lost him at seventeen
When I wasn’t even in the dream
Just walking back from lunch
Ignoring that petty hunch
That had you sidelines and sideways
I don’t care what anybody says
Anymore coz they’re all liars
And I’ve set one too many fires
Under who I’m meant to be
I’ve grown up but still don’t see
And the diagrams all refract
The way you can’t get people back
Once you’ve lost your hold on them 
If I could would I live it again?
Just to feel the same old pain
If you walk on grass do you curse the rain
That made it green and fresh
It’s been years but I don’t forget

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Greatest Regret
		

		
.Reading time less than 1 minute.

		

			






Is marriage the line I cannot traverse
And I can only watch them rehearse
And get ready for the big day
Pretend I don’t care anyway 
When all I love is walking down the aisle
And seeing you turn and spill a smile
Into my eyes eternally
But you’re looking at her, not me
And I shouldn’t be jealous
Or covet what’s hers
It’s just you were mine
Amongst the firs
As we make Heaven
Come down to Earth
And I wash away 
The pain that you hurt
With, to you and many
Now I see her in your gaze 
And there isn’t any
Anything I can do to change
The way the molecules rearrange
To the sound of sulfur on your breath
Tinged with my greatest regret

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Pride
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			






Like a bottle of vitriol 
I keep on call
Like I’m talking to crowds
And then to the wall
Coz I’ve got this pulse
That hammers my veins
And I keep hearing quotes
And magnificent refrains 
That call me to be 
Something new
And I don’t owe anything 
To the memory of you
Coz I fight with the dream
The fabric I’d crafted
I remember the moment
That you felt I laughed at
All you could not be
And you always said
You were jealous of me
And I kept it like a secret
Honor bound
Til you changed your tune
And the sound
Turned to clashing symbols 
I’m covering my ears
Waiting for the air to clear
And tell me that I’m 
Safe again
And I found dew drops
In the eyes of men
To patch up
What you tore of me
But I love them honest
So I set them free
To keep what I’d taken
In circumstance
But they always 
Ask me to dance
And I can’t say no
But where would you go
If you knew the truth
The black mark that became my youth
All because I 
Splintered the prose
And you simply
Took another road
That lead you down
An avenue
Don’t say that you miss me
Coz I don’t miss you
And I’m not gonna lie
And say it’s okay
I still remember 
The pain of that day
And the weeks and months
And years to follow 
When what had been full
Suddenly seemed hollow
And I can’t say that you
Carved out a mark
Coz there are no forms
In the magnificent dark
Only the feeling 
That all is well
Is it time
To show and tell