There’s a man that sings about a drugs binge he’s been on Like how he’s been helluva gone And I can’t help but empathise Because there’s a kind of high that never dies Even when you kill it with starvation Or waiting for a boy at a train station That only comes once in a blue moon He rocks the atmosphere when he’s in the room And I just let it be Because I am free Of all he tries to contain If he was a cloud he would rain All over my parade If I am the sun then he is the shade Of the tree my grandfather made for me He placed a swing on a branch and us three Share something that will never pass I don’t care if you think it won’t last My heart is as solid as serene As anything is beyond the dream And everyone is someone’s child And every woman somewhere is wild In her heart and soul Even if she pays the toll As she passes through the joint As if she’ll gain an extra point For due diligence and deference I gave Deirdre a second chance But I may as well have talked to the wind Coz she is fixated on how she has sinned And aims to take me with her And I get a little bitter In the years that pass Under the realm of the crass And the key to my soul won’t speak to me I wonder if I’m just letting her be free Or if I’m resigned to the fate Of looking for some guy to date So that I might be whole Coz I left her with my soul And she is the keeper of that part In the greater region of my heart As it beats red and true Pumping oxygen for all of you
The darkest shame is that I followed the clues That I thought would lead me to you And there were blue chalked streets and bears They say the fabric of my sanity tears When I believe in secret tomes And become one who roams The avenues of misty eyed tears As the date nears And I cannot bear the truth So I pulverise my own youth By putting myself in their hands Now after slipping sands Have run the hourglass down I still feel like I want to drown Some where in all this emotion It’s as though the road is an ocean I cannot climb into And it becomes a sprint to The door And I couldn’t have loved them more But somehow I feel the wilderness in my bones And I refuse to answer my two phones When they call out to me And I could’ve missed our history In the avenue I let bleed Because I know you need Who I used to be But its just that they have destroyed me In their attempts to keep the dark away I just lay in the bay And it was not San Francisco Or some kind of cool fuckin’ disco It was like being drawn on a string So he could live on everything He ever thought he was And I take the hit because I want him to be sky high And not afraid to die A death on the floor I just want to prove I love him more
There is power in this moment And I feel it when I own it And let the pain go Like the sky just lets the snow From its grasp Because no cloud can last In a frozen form And when the days get warm All that ice will melt So it goes with how I felt In the midst of the blackest night But the dawn came and I was alright As I pondered suicide And what it means to be alive That may have been eons ago But it leaves its mark on you, you know And I just want to let anyone know who trudges That there is a peace that never budges And it’s to be found right where you are You don’t have to journey to a star To find your own burning strength I used to wonder where it went As I hid out between the lines So that they couldn’t define Me as mentally ill Or someone with a dysfunctional will I am forever free And just because the night visited me Doesn’t mean I don’t know the sun It all collapsed into one And I could see that duality Is only there to bring out the best of me When I don’t know who I am I close my eyes and trust in God’s plan
There is a distance in time and space It takes you away from the Now But you have shown me somehow That there is no way you could be removed From where I am in tune With the stars and sea He is always with me Even though we haven’t spoken in ten years Even though I cried bitter tears Over our supposed separation And my education Only ever confirmed That there is always more to be learned When you try to ignite the fire And I do not tire Of my twin flame dreams Because nothing is as it seems When you water it down There’s something about this town That still sings to me And our history In separate schools Breaking all but the most pressing rules As we fight to be free I know you had your destiny To meet But would you greet Me at the door Because, darling, I always want more
Did you think I would wait for you There’s not a chance in hell As if you give me permission to be myself Only under your sun that the cards I’ve been dealt Could align with mystical forces But you’re all about the divorces That could happen if you’re not a really nice guy Because you’re afraid to die And the woman you love is fearless and true But she is no match for you When you put those glasses on I saw it and so I was gone In a heartbeat and I’d skip town again If I’d catch that frown on men Because I know what it means And it may be the stuff of dreams But I’m no puff pastry to wear And I don’t need you to care About me And free Is fine But there was a moment you were mine And we shared a soul But you break the begging bowl As you hold it out to me Cut my hands on glass that trusted for free And I thought you had changed So I let the atoms rearrange And came back to your door Only for you to say you don’t want me anymore Well let me make it simple for you It’s goodbye like you wanted it to
I have this fear inside me, do I focus on it And does it just make me act like a twit I find myself in St. Pat’s, ground floor And everyone shines, my God, mo stór As I’m lying in bed in Dean Swift at night And he’s illuminated by the bathroom light He says it’s very bright But I could look at him and sight Is no burden But how would I word them This prose that sits inside And I only ever hide The best of me And the rest of me Lies in wait All the guys I’d love to date But my heart won’t let me Soul won’t forget me And lead me down a merry path One I might never find my way back From And it’s gone That sudden sharp Like Cleopatra playing the harp It’s an illusion And the confusion Was I trusted words Instead of the flight path of birds As they streak across the sky And I am not afraid to die But say that to a psy Chiatrist And you may get the gist Of what I relay I eventually learned not to say What was on my mind Because it leaves me behind Like an autumn tree And everything is fluttering from me As I’m out in the grass With Mary Jean, I never had to ask Her to teach me how to knit She wove the wool deftly as I sit And she came to my door With something she’d baked on the first floor And we ate it with my sister God knows, I missed her When I was locked away And I don’t care what people say Those places don’t help They just teach you how to stand on a shelf All pretty in pink And I used to think It was for a reason Now I see it was just a season I was passing through Growing wings and flying too Beyond the veil And what’s not up for sale Will always be bought By those who think they have caught The value in it And I didn’t win it But let it go There’s joy in defeat too, you know
Messy little snowflake having your child I used to be impetuous, I used to be wild Now I just come to dock at the bay And learn to say I love you anyway And the youth of my generation Are estimated to spend less time at the station Getting on trains Or making bodies with bloodstains And there’s a hidden kind of invisible trauma When they encourage you but don’t inform ya Of the onset of pain Flowing from you like cyclical rain To prepare the ground for the seed And half of us will bleed Out what we’ve come to make You say you do it for my sake But do you know what you plant When you call my words a rant That aim to please Til I’m screaming on my knees As I fulfil my function But we’ve come to a sort of junction And you make a hard right In the car and the night Comes to envelop us both And I know that you live to hope In what I offer but I Am not willing to die To bring another soul on the scene That was somebody else’s dream Since I was eighteen I would rather reign as the queen Of my own domain But I hear you ask again For a match to spark a light And you ask someone else, am I right To be your two point five caretaker And I know you didn’t make her But it still feels like force And you living without remorse For your bullet pen But if I had a choice, I’d let you in again
I open up and the love Pours through like a season real But it’s like my soul is a steal And everyone’s vying for the highest bid So I found a cavern and hid And some call it the activity room I call it the shelter from doom As they discuss my mental state I could tell them off but it’ll have to wait Coz at that time they had all the power And I was a princess trapped in a tower By a horrible man And I can Only hold my head up high Because the spirit in me is not gonna die Or get broken in, wild horse on the loose You won’t lead me to the noose With your talk me down farewells And your sympathy with some kind of hell You have constructed I had it all and you think I fucked it up But I was just waiting for a more peaceful plain For the phoenix in me to rise again
Forgiveness opens the heart When you agree to be a part Of this grand swathe we call life Even when it isn’t nice And the bitterness broke Like a sea over me When someone I thought Would adore me Forever, shattered the glass Told me that it just wouldn’t last And I let my hand fall Coz I knew a brick wall Is not for the turning And my indignancy’s burning As she calls me out As a princess in an ivory tower I abdicate and she has all the power Whispering to ears That I caused her tears And am malign If she wants an ending Well that’s fine I let her go No more chasing what I don’t know Coz I feel for her But what we were Is toxic through and through She poured little bullets into My coffee when I was set on drinking My friends say that I’m overthinking The matter, it’s just jealousy But she has the will to turn all against me I pass Sinéad McCormack in the hall She averts her gaze and my heart fall In her confidence I’m all marks and little dents From the pillars she pricked You wouldn’t have thought the memory sticked In my soul for so long For though I did no wrong In my own estimation I flick to her station And public enemy number one Is me basking in the sun Of the God of all light Coz He chose me, alright When the going was tough And I had run dry of all my love As death pierced my balloon The rumblings of threat And what’s always too soon But she didn’t see What I left in the library When I closed the door I won’t be back here anymore And it was soft I didn’t let her know she inflicted a cost Coz I wouldn’t please her As they say But would you deceive her Come what may Into thinking she meant the sky One thing’s for certain We all die And the even fate Levels it’s gaze at me as I wait For the gong And the throng That follows suit Do you think I am a flute To live with your bite And apologise to you, alright For being what I am I’m sorry but that’s not my plan In the effervescent Look for true care and you’ll find the essence Of what I sought to impart I’m an Aries and my heart Will rule the head And instead Of giving in I walk out, and that’s my sin As she looks on At what’s gone And wonders why Friends don’t try to make you cry So, I hope you’re well But as for admittance You can go to hell
We were all shored up It was cut and dry And each one of us Would’ve been willing to die For the cause that we believe in The colour into life Not trudge to the grave As a man and wife But they caught us in the field As the sky turned back blue “Who dare refracts the sunlight We think that it is you” And he grabbed me by my collar Through me into a van Said a hundred metre sprint Would be an also ran And the courage dropped down low In the back of my throat As I thought about our history And the genius that I quote Are we just railroaded Into another station Will they call us out On all our conflagration And a blow to my face And another to my stomach The dread it lives in me Like a rollercoaster plummet And the drop may be expected But it is never willed It’s just there’s this void inside That is longing to be filled And if you have to crawl Make sure that you don’t stop I picked myself back up After a round in the parking lot And is the light extinguished Or does it live on Long after my beauty And my strength are long gone As I fail to lift a hand Til something pulls me to my feet And it’s been twenty years It’s like the first time that we meet In the battalion of the fearless That drown the silence out Stand up and be counted You don’t have to live without In this suffer and this burial You seemed condemned to bear But I know Truth by name Because I saw the lie tear And the fabric rip a thread Now it’s pulling a seam It seems a hole has pierced Through the density of dreams That send us aflourish Into the garden green It’s coming around again All that we have been
So I got locked up For a crime I didn’t commit And the doctors are in league With the demons I’m dancing with And they’ve got names For my affliction Like love and lust Passion and addiction And I can’t exist Between the two poles Do anything other Than be completely whole And I thought I could trust In a fall away floor So I stood still And the trapdoor Vanished From under my feet Now me and the darkness Finally meet In movements that reach Across my bedroom floor It’s not really Less is more More like a mystery Than a conundrum The wonder is that I Can’t discover Him Where he always was Like light was put on pause And the Saint I love She talks about the distance Between the God of peace And the rest of existence So I know I’m not really On my own Then it bursts to life In true colours shown Like the whole world was pulsing With this desire And the heart of the matter Was a burning fire That gives rise to lit in the tree Like Moses says God is talking to me And the Divine has its own language It speaks in tongues And I could translate them When I was young Now all of the words Turn to a silent tone Like the crackle of static On the other end of the phone
There’s a new thing brewing But can it keep its head Cause the parapet is raised And so many people lie dead But I climb up the rock There’s a world of things that I am not As the sun in the sky Shines over the seas as they go by And it’s hopping over there On the Western front and I care About how it all goes down I left half my heart in that town And now I go back Before the attack In shoes that I can walk What does it take to see through the talk Into what is true Is there any way I can save you From your fate The demolition that lies in wait I shake the dust off my shoulders I’m like Icarus chasing boulders That have no business in that myth But the world is chomping at the bit And this is just a dragon I dance with In my hope for a new born truth A time beyond the confines of youth As we let the shackles drop What does it take for one person to say stop And breathe What do the people need Can we shift the scene Out of this nightmarish dream I know no one who can say That everything is okay When we just let it crumple If there’s lightning then thunder will rumble
I can’t be ruled by the threatening stone A world with me in it all alone As I get by on each step I take Dreaming of ways that you might wake And it’s never on a Sunday when I’m at my brightest Like water as vapor it still takes the lightest Voice in the room rise to the sound And it’s been so long you haven’t been around And I’ve been getting by And I really try To shine but it’s getting dimmer Each time they repeat that love is a sinner And I try to hold on to the sword as it stays Embedded in ice as the music plays And we rise like a forest out of the ground Hear winter call like it’s just a sound As the monument tome to all we once were Is reimagined one moment with her And I’ve spent so long trying to gain traction Then I’m overruled by one interaction As the speeding van plays the sonnets we know All for one so don’t let go
Running like a river But I can’t get away What if I let it catch me And I agree to stay In the forest of my dreams In the midnight of my tome I’m away from you Or the place that I call home In the winter, in the summer In spring, come what may In autumn the leaves change colour Because they cannot stay The same as they’ve been And life moves on There’s no need to mourn What is already gone
We gotta draw the line (I tell him I’m fine) But he insists that I Am too distressed not to die And I try to fight But he blows out the candlelight So I’m just fumbling in the dark For a torch in the park And it’s no place to be in times like these And St. Pat’s brought me to my knees And I want to fly in the face Of what they swear is my disgrace And I disagree But his degree Is not in conflict resolution And he seeks the dissolution Of this state of mind But look at what I’d leave behind If I just left you there With no one watching and no one to care As I muck it out in the trenches They call my name when I’m sitting on benches My place to make a scene And this vision is a dream But I will make it real I pay back what I steal I a hundred pound notes I’m Gandhi or at least one of his quotes
I looked out the window
I watched for the tide
With news from the sea
That you might be alive
And I can't preempt destiny
Or run with the wolves
I've just got this awesome
And hot damn it pulls
Me like a thread
Through a needle eye
I just wait for news
And hope you don't die
Somewhere afar
Where I can't reach you
Life said, love, listen
And let the truth teach you
Coz I can't be a summer
When winter has dawned
I can't be the clock face
That someone has pawned
For gold or money
Or just getting by
I know life is hard
But I've gotta try
To find the flow
That runs a river
I know I've been gone
But could you forgive her
For the fear in her blood
It runs in her veins
And it's not easy
To erase the stains
That come from a life
Of denying truth
It's almost too much
The paragon of youth
As I finally come round
The smelling salts
Wake me and take me
As my nose assaults
My senses with something
That's meant to rouse
I don't mean to disappoint
I want to make you proud
I’ve got fire in my blood I’ve got lava in my veins I bite back every time You think the sunshine rains And I don’t hate the male I embrace the masculine I’m female and I’m awesome Yeah, I’m doing just fine But sometimes there’s a crack In the facade that I’ve built The light gets through the walls And the damn thing is willed As bitterness dissolves Into an ocean of peace I hold on so tight Only to find a just release
Do I really want you to come a little closer You’re just like a ghost With the flavors of nothing And what I love the most I see you shy away and I avoid Being one of the girls You’re not one of the boys But you dance Like Heaven has given you another chance To be all you are The wonderful bridge Constellatory star That just shines Like gleaming diamonds in gold mines I pick one up But it just reflects the look of you, love And we’re one again Outside the realm of women and men Just to be what is He holds my hand and I am his To recalculate All that has me in a lowly state Where do I walk And is all my effulgence just mere talk Do I live up to The brigand that I saw in you As you caught my hand I catch my breath as you reprimand Me for my trauma of being too much I back away but I also clutch You to me Can you love the whole sea When it’s not yours or mine I felt crushed watching About Time And I could feel a lion roar Deep within me Death the moment life begins me As I sit up off the floor What was that and what’s more Who am I How am I not to die When this body walks I seem to move But it’s just patterning on the groove Of the effervescent I hate to be described as pleasant Coz it’s so lukewarm And I am nothing if not a storm Brewing over the hill Do you know the moment if you’re not still?
The Poetry Book 