Hiding part of myself Had me holding onto mental health As the only way to steady the ground As it shakes to the sound Of white noise and light I’m one of the boys and I’m alright As I take a sip of a drink Then throw the rest of it down the sink Coz I want to keep my nerves As something that serves Me instead of fighting a war Coz both sides lose what the winnings for As the turmoil draws you in Ducks in a row like lines of sin And the winter seems to last forever But you haven’t seen the last of this endeavour As I grapple with the ghost that throws me down I’m in the ring and out of town As they all call my name I say goodbye to the chains of shame
There were days with Darragh When my point of view was decidedly narrow He saw me like a girl, I saw him like a friend It has been years though and it doesn’t end As I still reflect on his heartbeat When we danced with both our feet And shine with all our might I can’t ignore your candlelight And your fire that just burn It’s more than degrees we earn As we spend time into each other’s company And I’m always thinking, what does he want of me But he just smiles and looks in my eyes I let go camouflage I keep to disguise The darkness in the heart of my soul But he just surfs the waves that I roll And then laughs when he sees my car Buys me a drink at the bar And makes me smile, makes me laugh And he does it all without me needing to ask And I wonder does his fire sign match mine As we dance to the rhythm of the rhyme And he’s red as a burning flame I’m surprised he even remembers my name But his is etched upon my skin I loved him so I let him in Let him see the hesitate And he just pulls me out of that state And never ever makes me wait But breaks apart into something new I don’t know if you know who you are, do you?
Will you marry me?
Is the love you give free?
Oh, the two of you!
What in the world am I going to do?
She shines like a diamond, new and serene
He looks like he's been plucked out of somebody's dream
And they both run around with their heads in the sky
The Heavens only know the reason why
She's always been there for me, she's a friend
He's bequeathed with a beauty I can't comprehend
And she is a star of her own making
I breathe every breath to match the one she's taking
He owns every pavement he's sure to walk
She worries what I say is all talk
And we both are two branches that meet in the middle
The answer is found in the midst of the riddle
But there from the cheap seats the two of us dance
It seems like fate gives us every chance
To be the pair from on high
See you later is not goodbye
But he is mercurial and hard to predict
She's a free spirit and will not commit
Unless it's been divinely ordained
But one look at her face and you'll see it is pained
By all of her half hearted sashay away
He'll be the one to save the day
If I could only catch a glimpse of his eyes and his lashes
I'd know the truth before the plate smashes
How can I measure the clock
With all that I've been and all that I'm not
Is success all you're after?
I never had you but for the laughter
And he's so irritating, he infuriates!
But would you go on a sequence of dates
With him if he asked you to
Does he have your approval too?
And she smiles and nods and then rolls her eyes
And he is the stormy in all my skies
Could I be there hero in his
There's no way of knowing exactly what this is
But I wait at the break of every wave
To see if I could be the one who he gave
His heart and his hand unto
I know I'm a dreamer but I want to
Let you know in serious regard
I cherish you throughout the time in the yard
And run into your arms whenever they open
Though it's been a decade or more I am hoping
That you'll forget the passage of time
And give in to accept the love that is mine
And is it all just something I dreamed in my mind
Will you forgive me for what I left behind
He stares at me with eyes of depth
And I know I'll never forget
The feel of their stare on me
Could I love our liberty?
If it means you're miles away
With someone else to star your day
Or maybe not or maybe true
I've stopped running after you
But still I feel the emptiness inside
And I know I cannot hide
It for very much longer
Do you wish that I was stronger?
Or weaker if resolve is will?
I don't think I have the skill
To keep it from you anymore
I'm on the other side of the door
In anticipation of the knock
To enunciate what I am not
And what I am I'll never know
I just want to say I love you so
There are some things you cannot deny
Like a love that will never die
Like honesty and what is right within
You cracked my exoskeleton
Thin into a little strands
That broke apart into your hands
And smiling as you realised
You held it all in the tears you cried
That could never be wrong or crossing the line
I think you and I will be just fine
As we make a bloodless, solemn pact
That we will always come back
To this place we share and each other
I love you, darling, my soul brother
As we’re held together by more than thread
You show your fragility instead
Of the angry exterior wall
Of strength and impressions fall
As I realise that you are him
I’ll never have to look again
It’s easier to just tell a lie
Than to disrupt you with the truth
Because you could never handle
The tremors that take root
And maybe it’s cause you notice
I’m not attached to this place
And I could as well let go
As look into your face
And I know you want to hold me
As I dangle precipice
But you don’t need to seek my fortune
As the source of your distress
Because we all hopscotch
Along the lines and the cracks
But just because you read the future
Doesn’t mean you can get it back
Or direct the wind
As it passes through your sails
And turns into the past
As your body fails
As all are due to do
Precluding interruption
By unseasonable forces
Or a dormant life eruption
But if it’s good enough for him
Then I do not complain
And what binds me to this place
Is just light playing on my name
And distracting eyes
From the obviously true
Cause if I’m mortally wounded
Then it follows so are you
And all that you strive for
To protect and attain
Won’t stay up in the clouds
But falls to earth as rain
And you can’t command the weather
Or unblue the sky
So don’t fear it when I speak
About what is born to die
Arguing with you is like banging my head off a wall
Cause I don’t want to hurt you by revealing it all
And I know it’s frustrating to be at the other end of my brain
But I want to tell you what I cannot explain
I cannot delineate the light or the darkness in my head
Or the fear that strikes when I am dead
And you are so fine a note I am scared to tear
In my desperation I wonder if you care
Cause you are so whole and fundamentally complete
That I feel second rate every time we meet
As if there’s a ladder I just cannot climb
And I can’t brand you so that you are mine
Cause you are beyond definition
And you just laugh callously at my superstition
Cause your body is fading under the sun
So you cut the conversation short and say I have won
When all I really feel is defeat
That you would cut loose what you don’t want to meet
And you can give me reasons and they are aplenty
But they don’t stop this feeling so empty
When what you looked up to your whole life
Gets up wordlessly and walks out of your sight
You make me believe you don’t mean anything you say
And your words are just rumours of you going away
And the candlelight is held just close to your face
But your is a memory I cannot erase
So I walk and I walk but I can’t find the line
Everyone around me says to just give it time
That I will find peace and move on from you
But they don’t know what they say, they don’t but I do
And you are an ever present ghost in my mind
The one thing that my soul could never leave behind
And winter closes in back on us both
But your love around me is a warm coat
As we sit back again into each other
If I am soul sister then you are soul brother
If I want to write you, I’ll have to write death
Because that is where you hide
It is where our lines intertwine
On the edge of permanence
On the edge of the unknowable
We never were simply lovers
Or starcrossed friends across the sky
We met at the close of day
And as the night draws in
I feel you near
As you sit somewhere
Under the same inevitability
With a beaming light to guide you
And thousands more to illuminate your world
Yes if I want to write you
I have to face the dark within myself
It is not bad
Only absolute
The Poetry Book 