I want him so bad that it literally hurts And as time’s going on it’s only getting worse As he comes and goes, close then far Says he’s born from the farthest star And I hold out Coz I’ve got that doubt Is he the man I want to marry Does he see me as an equal or just someone to carry His child somewhere in the future And I had a wound but he was the suture That tied it up and kept it in Healed my soul with that irreverent grin And his eyes dart to and fro I wonder where his mind would go If he could read mine I know I shine And I’m a gem in the dark It’s just you sorta hit the mark Right on the head And I know you want me in your bed As you tell me lies Think I buy the disguise You’re selling with the full of your heart Is it just because you want a part Of me for your own To impress upon me what could be known With your help And is there anyone else In this whole scene That could wake me, then take me from the dream And you’re shy in a certain way Not in the usual bashful sway But in a kind of sensitivity When you tell the truth and then look at me As though I would judge and turn you out But instead I want to kiss your mouth Coz this is more than intimacy When I trust in what you’re saying to me And it didn’t break It’s just I wake From a slumber that was self induced Startled by what you produced In your ardent soul Do you think we could make our parts whole If we just dropped the pretence I think that my defence Is the thing that separates Me from men I’d love to date And that barrier Between what we were Fell right on through And even though I seem distant from you Nothing’s changed I love guys that are sort of strange
I try not to feel it Will time heal it If I just let it burn But the world just turn And they grasp my arms Tell me they’re keeping me safe from harm And I feel the burning within It all came from him As I can barely hold on To what is long gone And who I am craves for his flesh The terror to think he might regret Ever knowing me I cry on the phone, the tears are flowing from me As he grits his teeth and his tongue clicks And one of his best friends says he can be a dick And I just think of that Taylor Swift song What if I was wrong And you never loved anything And the ring I thought I would wear Is just part of the dress that would tear As she wears it down the aisle And I watch you smile Right into the face of your demise But there’s death in your eyes And it’s something I cannot avoid It’s not like just loving one of the boys It brings me to the brink of surrender And a day that you “barely remember” And I wonder if the gaslit anthem plays Or if there’s any truth in what he says When he says that I am beyond the pale Is it just that I am not up for sale That gets under his skin And he was flush with the cash but I wanted him Not the dollars he owes To the person whose garden he sows With seeds aplenty But I look at him and his face is empty Devoid of all emotion And the commotion Gets too loud So I let the borrowed fools crowd Around me and operate On the person who just wants a date Sometime in April, coz it’s just the right air It would be great if you could meet me there If she lets you slip away Out of her grasp and the break of day Sounds a new dawn If you look to me you will see what was never gone Only unobserved I gave you my word
I’m in love with the guy next door I dunno why but I’ve always wanted more Than just the come what may And I don’t care what people say The light cannot be put out And all that is is in doubt As everything shatters and cascades But I’m with you in the spirit everglades As your soul speaks to me And reminds me that I am free Of all that seeks to contain As clear and pure as rain That falls after a storm And you were just so warm When you stood by my side And your peace is still alive As it speaks to me From the realms of eternity As a red haired girl with curls Keeps you company while the world Just turns a deeper shade of blue I am not without you Now that you seem to have been gone For so very long But still here in the realm That exists without any pain
Paddy’s eyes were like stone opals And I wonder how he is Did he get his woman Did he get his wish Coz for a while he was mine And I can see the sparkles shine As they encase his face Not one hair was out of place And he had that devilish grin And a personality that would win You over with a smile I keep it on file But the memories fade And the bodies age Do you still have facial hair And a presence that is just there And we crossed paths in Spiral Tree I caught you stare at me As I wait by the bar Oh, if I could only know what you are Coz you escape definition And the early edition Of the Longford Leader (If you took time to read her) Announces our notice true What would my life look like with you By my side, coz you’re in my heart I watch the comet turn an arc And come back to flame Is it okay I used your name?
He’s not up for one kiss love And I am ocean but there’s a dove Come to bring news of nourishment It’s not many who need encouragement To sail that way across the sea When they find dry land they’ll forget about me But something in his smiles’s forever Not changeable as the weather And he may not be right for me But right now is all I see And he’s got emotions that shiver me timbers He could spin the whole world on the tips of his fingers And I hope he remembers our moment so still And the light catch his eyes, oh I always will And hope and pray your life has been good It’s like living in forests, surrounded I stood But he gave me ways to breathe afresh And find solemn ways out of this mess As we crush a penny into a shape It’s red that we find in our softest escape
It was just a random Tuesday I walked back to school There was nothing happening All was cool All was fine And that was the last time I was free of the knowledge that You were gone I haven’t thought about it in so long I came in the gate The sun was shining I wasn’t late And I walked round the corner Met Natalie She looked with crying eyes at me Expecting me to know I panicked as I realized truth Was hitting me again in youth Who? Who? And she let the name go I was reeling with the blow And we passed each other by I stared at the sky All I could think was Where’s my school bag I have to get my stuff Why is it so important What I’m not thinking of And we gathered in the Oratory Like a smashed piece of glass And one of the girls hugged me She sat beside me in class And all I could think of Is you love And I try not to feel The sensation I lean on the others For consolation And I caught my maths teachers eye As my sister fell into my arms to cry And he looked away There was nothing to say Coz how do you deal with it Death, the punch One minute you’re fine Just coming back from lunch Next minute the Chaplain Has us all in a bunch And I didn’t cry The tears wouldn’t come And you were just So young, so young And I shut off my feelings For the next fifteen years Coz I haven’t lost you If I don’t cry the tears And hold it all together But the sky is rainfall And loss is the weather And I try to recall So I won’t forget Every memory of you That’s fresh in my mind yet And what would you say To us all I have the faith That you’re not gone at all But watching over us And blessing the ground That we walk You hear every sound And catch every weep I take tablets to help me to sleep As I fall asunder Is it any wonder But something in me just holds you fast You’re in our hearts so you haven’t really passed And I’m finally opening the doors to talk About the confidence in your walk And the way you just breeze on through I hope that you know I still miss you And that I still feel your light on days I find you in quieter ways As you whisper your love in the moment I break I let it go for God’s sake
Hiding part of myself Had me holding onto mental health As the only way to steady the ground As it shakes to the sound Of white noise and light I’m one of the boys and I’m alright As I take a sip of a drink Then throw the rest of it down the sink Coz I want to keep my nerves As something that serves Me instead of fighting a war Coz both sides lose what the winnings for As the turmoil draws you in Ducks in a row like lines of sin And the winter seems to last forever But you haven’t seen the last of this endeavour As I grapple with the ghost that throws me down I’m in the ring and out of town As they all call my name I say goodbye to the chains of shame
There were days with Darragh When my point of view was decidedly narrow He saw me like a girl, I saw him like a friend It has been years though and it doesn’t end As I still reflect on his heartbeat When we danced with both our feet And shine with all our might I can’t ignore your candlelight And your fire that just burn It’s more than degrees we earn As we spend time into each other’s company And I’m always thinking, what does he want of me But he just smiles and looks in my eyes I let go camouflage I keep to disguise The darkness in the heart of my soul But he just surfs the waves that I roll And then laughs when he sees my car Buys me a drink at the bar And makes me smile, makes me laugh And he does it all without me needing to ask And I wonder does his fire sign match mine As we dance to the rhythm of the rhyme And he’s red as a burning flame I’m surprised he even remembers my name But his is etched upon my skin I loved him so I let him in Let him see the hesitate And he just pulls me out of that state And never ever makes me wait But breaks apart into something new I don’t know if you know who you are, do you?
Will you marry me?
Is the love you give free?
Oh, the two of you!
What in the world am I going to do?
She shines like a diamond, new and serene
He looks like he's been plucked out of somebody's dream
And they both run around with their heads in the sky
The Heavens only know the reason why
She's always been there for me, she's a friend
He's bequeathed with a beauty I can't comprehend
And she is a star of her own making
I breathe every breath to match the one she's taking
He owns every pavement he's sure to walk
She worries what I say is all talk
And we both are two branches that meet in the middle
The answer is found in the midst of the riddle
But there from the cheap seats the two of us dance
It seems like fate gives us every chance
To be the pair from on high
See you later is not goodbye
But he is mercurial and hard to predict
She's a free spirit and will not commit
Unless it's been divinely ordained
But one look at her face and you'll see it is pained
By all of her half hearted sashay away
He'll be the one to save the day
If I could only catch a glimpse of his eyes and his lashes
I'd know the truth before the plate smashes
How can I measure the clock
With all that I've been and all that I'm not
Is success all you're after?
I never had you but for the laughter
And he's so irritating, he infuriates!
But would you go on a sequence of dates
With him if he asked you to
Does he have your approval too?
And she smiles and nods and then rolls her eyes
And he is the stormy in all my skies
Could I be there hero in his
There's no way of knowing exactly what this is
But I wait at the break of every wave
To see if I could be the one who he gave
His heart and his hand unto
I know I'm a dreamer but I want to
Let you know in serious regard
I cherish you throughout the time in the yard
And run into your arms whenever they open
Though it's been a decade or more I am hoping
That you'll forget the passage of time
And give in to accept the love that is mine
And is it all just something I dreamed in my mind
Will you forgive me for what I left behind
He stares at me with eyes of depth
And I know I'll never forget
The feel of their stare on me
Could I love our liberty?
If it means you're miles away
With someone else to star your day
Or maybe not or maybe true
I've stopped running after you
But still I feel the emptiness inside
And I know I cannot hide
It for very much longer
Do you wish that I was stronger?
Or weaker if resolve is will?
I don't think I have the skill
To keep it from you anymore
I'm on the other side of the door
In anticipation of the knock
To enunciate what I am not
And what I am I'll never know
I just want to say I love you so
There are some things you cannot deny
Like a love that will never die
Like honesty and what is right within
You cracked my exoskeleton
Thin into a little strands
That broke apart into your hands
And smiling as you realised
You held it all in the tears you cried
That could never be wrong or crossing the line
I think you and I will be just fine
As we make a bloodless, solemn pact
That we will always come back
To this place we share and each other
I love you, darling, my soul brother
As we’re held together by more than thread
You show your fragility instead
Of the angry exterior wall
Of strength and impressions fall
As I realise that you are him
I’ll never have to look again
It’s easier to just tell a lie
Than to disrupt you with the truth
Because you could never handle
The tremors that take root
And maybe it’s cause you notice
I’m not attached to this place
And I could as well let go
As look into your face
And I know you want to hold me
As I dangle precipice
But you don’t need to seek my fortune
As the source of your distress
Because we all hopscotch
Along the lines and the cracks
But just because you read the future
Doesn’t mean you can get it back
Or direct the wind
As it passes through your sails
And turns into the past
As your body fails
As all are due to do
Precluding interruption
By unseasonable forces
Or a dormant life eruption
But if it’s good enough for him
Then I do not complain
And what binds me to this place
Is just light playing on my name
And distracting eyes
From the obviously true
Cause if I’m mortally wounded
Then it follows so are you
And all that you strive for
To protect and attain
Won’t stay up in the clouds
But falls to earth as rain
And you can’t command the weather
Or unblue the sky
So don’t fear it when I speak
About what is born to die
Arguing with you is like banging my head off a wall
Cause I don’t want to hurt you by revealing it all
And I know it’s frustrating to be at the other end of my brain
But I want to tell you what I cannot explain
I cannot delineate the light or the darkness in my head
Or the fear that strikes when I am dead
And you are so fine a note I am scared to tear
In my desperation I wonder if you care
Cause you are so whole and fundamentally complete
That I feel second rate every time we meet
As if there’s a ladder I just cannot climb
And I can’t brand you so that you are mine
Cause you are beyond definition
And you just laugh callously at my superstition
Cause your body is fading under the sun
So you cut the conversation short and say I have won
When all I really feel is defeat
That you would cut loose what you don’t want to meet
And you can give me reasons and they are aplenty
But they don’t stop this feeling so empty
When what you looked up to your whole life
Gets up wordlessly and walks out of your sight
You make me believe you don’t mean anything you say
And your words are just rumours of you going away
And the candlelight is held just close to your face
But your is a memory I cannot erase
So I walk and I walk but I can’t find the line
Everyone around me says to just give it time
That I will find peace and move on from you
But they don’t know what they say, they don’t but I do
And you are an ever present ghost in my mind
The one thing that my soul could never leave behind
And winter closes in back on us both
But your love around me is a warm coat
As we sit back again into each other
If I am soul sister then you are soul brother
If I want to write you, I’ll have to write death
Because that is where you hide
It is where our lines intertwine
On the edge of permanence
On the edge of the unknowable
We never were simply lovers
Or starcrossed friends across the sky
We met at the close of day
And as the night draws in
I feel you near
As you sit somewhere
Under the same inevitability
With a beaming light to guide you
And thousands more to illuminate your world
Yes if I want to write you
I have to face the dark within myself
It is not bad
Only absolute
The Poetry Book 