I’ll be the clarion call To let the demons out The things that people suffer under The fear, my dear, self doubt And they locked me up in ashes But I still was free Coz even though they do their best They can’t get the best of me
And the clock ticked, did it go back Am I getting enough of slumber And but for the men I loved I woulda been just a number In that place where the halls have eyes And everyone walks tiptoe It’s eggshells we’re treading on So that you might not know
And I had a bed and my own room It was number sixteen And I’ve been dealing with this kind of shit Since I realized the dream As I hop on a hopscotch Afraid to cross the line Is there a difference between being here And doing hard time
And I hid out in the activity room Rifling through a storm I hope they might not find me That’s how I kept the candle warm But they did and told me so There was a place to greet But I’m moving dough with my hands Can’t make it move my feet
And the third time I was in there Barry called my name He asked if he could speak to me, if it was all the same But he was laughing sideways Out of the corner of his mouth He thinks that he might have a clue As to what I’m all about And, God love him, he was precious But he set the dial to spin So I called the shots and called it off Walked out of the room with him
And, the laughter, it was breaking like a wave upon the shore I left the card on my desk so that it might love me more And my sides they’d split with Aoibhínn coz she was such a hoot She talked me out of dangerously quiet as I stood mute
And I drew an eye on the wall in the smoking room It was a lot more like freedom than it was the bells of doom And they only scrubbed it out a year later and I see There was a part of them that loved a part of me Or with a certain fondness I recall what they say It’s not the present moment but you will be okay So I crumpled up the paper and threw it in the bin Conceded defeat coz you know I cannot win
And the monuments of time will fall beneath the sea But there’s something eternal that beats the heart of me And I can’t put my finger on it or tell you what it is Only suffice to say that being born is not to live Beyond the realms of death In the halls that I vacate I think they had me wrong Coz I love the thing they hate
And summon up a showstorm In the dead of the night The sun that is within me Can’t help but be bright As all I ever am And all I’ll ever be I can’t bring myself to regret That I asked you to dance with me
Looking for salvation in the stars It’s like trying to round some prison bars As they, adjacent, keep a defense Til you’re hands and knees in the present tense And do I confess My wilderness and impress Some secret subtlety afar Oh, the world, how near you are When you just take a glance At the vulnerable in my stance And I wish away Tomorrow another yesterday Don’t you see That you were the ocean to me And the sea at night Oh, how it glitters in the moonlight To reflect your face Now forever is without a trace Gone from these hands I’m on the shore just pacing sand As you glide effortlessly along another terrain Have all my past lives been in vain To bring me to this A pair of lips that death might kiss Someday or will The power of life to kill All that it breathes air into And consciousness is quintessentially you So you can’t lose it But did I choose it This marching band There’s nothing I have really planned Coz all falls away And what you leave til another day Gets left behind They say I am out of my mind But I think they’re wrong I’m too deep in it and that’s my song Can I hold the tune I did when you walked in the room And my heart hammered against my chest The depth of wisdom that I invest In you to be all you claim Now it’s been years and you’re just a name I click into Tell me did I ever reach you Or was it all just empty talk The way you hold yourself when you walk Like you’ve been punched Something hits you and I can feel the crunch As you double over side to side But hell if I know you’re still alive And kicking me somewhere under the seat Why did heaven have us meet If it was just to part And you are the king of my heart
I can’t be ruled by the threatening stone A world with me in it all alone As I get by on each step I take Dreaming of ways that you might wake And it’s never on a Sunday when I’m at my brightest Like water as vapor it still takes the lightest Voice in the room rise to the sound And it’s been so long you haven’t been around And I’ve been getting by And I really try To shine but it’s getting dimmer Each time they repeat that love is a sinner And I try to hold on to the sword as it stays Embedded in ice as the music plays And we rise like a forest out of the ground Hear winter call like it’s just a sound As the monument tome to all we once were Is reimagined one moment with her And I’ve spent so long trying to gain traction Then I’m overruled by one interaction As the speeding van plays the sonnets we know All for one so don’t let go
They paved a path and told me to walk I tried to speak up, they said it’s all talk As I contradict The line they’re running with Could you spare a minute doctor dear I wanna make something clear I am moved by the immutable force Like a river by nature just follows the course That sends it from spring to the sea Well, so it is with me As I feel the flow You tell me not to let go But I’m not holding on The thing you look for is long gone And the clambering rock on the cliff that I scale Is not enough to make my courage fail Because I’m brilliant red and Griffindor You’re looking for less but I’ve got more Than you ever could contain Within the concept of rain Must I say it to you again As I slouch around the hall I’m fuckin’ bored, will you pass me the ball So I can shoot it in the net Remind you that I don’t forget The lines you litter with your feet I never spoke about the monumental meet I had with a guy so sweet It’s cooking time and the heat Is too much for me to stand I look at him and he takes my hand And holds it close to his face A beauty that I can’t erase As he’s speaking to my doubt Don’t need to have to do without But within is where I rule domain And I know we’ll meet again Somewhere in between There is a crack in the dream That’s how the light gets in For a moment there it was with him
They’re selling an American Dream But I’m walking on a moonbeam As it guides my way home And tells me I’m not alone As I open out into the vast expanse Perceive the space as the molecules dance To make up the shape of me The frame of what is memory Held together by a subtle flaw I wonder is ice real as it starts to thaw
I’m ending the fight I have with the stars Running through fields like I’m chasing cars And the sound of you is on the breeze Like a younger me the tree frees As I’m walking through the columns and rows Letting go of the loss of anything goes And finding my steadfast in the sight Of everything in the firelight
The Poetry Book 