There’s a man that sings about a drugs binge he’s been on Like how he’s been helluva gone And I can’t help but empathise Because there’s a kind of high that never dies Even when you kill it with starvation Or waiting for a boy at a train station That only comes once in a blue moon He rocks the atmosphere when he’s in the room And I just let it be Because I am free Of all he tries to contain If he was a cloud he would rain All over my parade If I am the sun then he is the shade Of the tree my grandfather made for me He placed a swing on a branch and us three Share something that will never pass I don’t care if you think it won’t last My heart is as solid as serene As anything is beyond the dream And everyone is someone’s child And every woman somewhere is wild In her heart and soul Even if she pays the toll As she passes through the joint As if she’ll gain an extra point For due diligence and deference I gave Deirdre a second chance But I may as well have talked to the wind Coz she is fixated on how she has sinned And aims to take me with her And I get a little bitter In the years that pass Under the realm of the crass And the key to my soul won’t speak to me I wonder if I’m just letting her be free Or if I’m resigned to the fate Of looking for some guy to date So that I might be whole Coz I left her with my soul And she is the keeper of that part In the greater region of my heart As it beats red and true Pumping oxygen for all of you
Messy little snowflake having your child I used to be impetuous, I used to be wild Now I just come to dock at the bay And learn to say I love you anyway And the youth of my generation Are estimated to spend less time at the station Getting on trains Or making bodies with bloodstains And there’s a hidden kind of invisible trauma When they encourage you but don’t inform ya Of the onset of pain Flowing from you like cyclical rain To prepare the ground for the seed And half of us will bleed Out what we’ve come to make You say you do it for my sake But do you know what you plant When you call my words a rant That aim to please Til I’m screaming on my knees As I fulfil my function But we’ve come to a sort of junction And you make a hard right In the car and the night Comes to envelop us both And I know that you live to hope In what I offer but I Am not willing to die To bring another soul on the scene That was somebody else’s dream Since I was eighteen I would rather reign as the queen Of my own domain But I hear you ask again For a match to spark a light And you ask someone else, am I right To be your two point five caretaker And I know you didn’t make her But it still feels like force And you living without remorse For your bullet pen But if I had a choice, I’d let you in again
After the fact they remember the flaw In the heat the ice thaw But they can’t go back to the previous page And all the blood spilled like ink on the page Writes a story of pain It’s falling from the sky like acid rain To peel the paint It’s overwhelming and I faint Coz I just can’t carry the weight of sin But it happened again when I met him Like everything obliterate Except love in a holy state To hold you like a balm How the hell am I so calm When Heaven beckons with its lure And you say that I am pure But these past few years Have torn me asunder with the weight of tears As I give in to a darkened world That attempts to kill the girl In me and make the woman role Replace the sacredness of my soul But my heart will never beat in that direction Go find someone else to be the reflection Of all you need in female eyes I am the master of my own disguise
So I got locked up For a crime I didn’t commit And the doctors are in league With the demons I’m dancing with And they’ve got names For my affliction Like love and lust Passion and addiction And I can’t exist Between the two poles Do anything other Than be completely whole And I thought I could trust In a fall away floor So I stood still And the trapdoor Vanished From under my feet Now me and the darkness Finally meet In movements that reach Across my bedroom floor It’s not really Less is more More like a mystery Than a conundrum The wonder is that I Can’t discover Him Where he always was Like light was put on pause And the Saint I love She talks about the distance Between the God of peace And the rest of existence So I know I’m not really On my own Then it bursts to life In true colours shown Like the whole world was pulsing With this desire And the heart of the matter Was a burning fire That gives rise to lit in the tree Like Moses says God is talking to me And the Divine has its own language It speaks in tongues And I could translate them When I was young Now all of the words Turn to a silent tone Like the crackle of static On the other end of the phone
There's a place for you here
In a heart so warm
Resilient enough
To overcome the storm
And the wind is knocking
On my door every day
But when I meet you
There's nothing to say
Coz you're clever, you're brash
You're the epitome of suave
There's no mountain to climb
When you assuage
My fears with the danger
Of what you'll do today
I know there's nothing in the world
That I can say
That will stop you from heaving
The weight of the sea
But there was a moment
You were just there with me
In the ashes, in the fire
In the brave, in the free
You can call it forever
Or just destiny
But you match my endeavour
Like a hidden ring
And I know if you asked
I'd give up everything
To be the summer
In your glass of wine
Would it be okay
If I called you mine?
Running like a river But I can’t get away What if I let it catch me And I agree to stay In the forest of my dreams In the midnight of my tome I’m away from you Or the place that I call home In the winter, in the summer In spring, come what may In autumn the leaves change colour Because they cannot stay The same as they’ve been And life moves on There’s no need to mourn What is already gone
I’ve got fire in my blood I’ve got lava in my veins I bite back every time You think the sunshine rains And I don’t hate the male I embrace the masculine I’m female and I’m awesome Yeah, I’m doing just fine But sometimes there’s a crack In the facade that I’ve built The light gets through the walls And the damn thing is willed As bitterness dissolves Into an ocean of peace I hold on so tight Only to find a just release
How do I describe that time in my life I’m fourteen and there is strife But something pierces through me It’s as though I can suddenly see What’s before me on the page I’m kicking back and burning sage In my window dressing by the sea The moment when God touched me With Her ephemeral light Says, get up, kid, you’ll be alright And all of a sudden the night was done You can’t fear the dark when you know the sun And it came to me like a breeze or chill Says, move it, girl, or I will And forever was a mountain I couldn’t move So many exams and so much to prove But I won’t be writing for the Longford Leader I’ll be spinning yarns so you’ll believe her And time has passed But that time will always last As I scream my breath out into the air And find something real that is there More than what pulls away Like cobwebs at the break of day Filled with few in the morning light But transparent and alright Catching rays and bending frames Being so much more than their names Like I did in first class I woke up and it kicks ass!
Hiding part of myself Had me holding onto mental health As the only way to steady the ground As it shakes to the sound Of white noise and light I’m one of the boys and I’m alright As I take a sip of a drink Then throw the rest of it down the sink Coz I want to keep my nerves As something that serves Me instead of fighting a war Coz both sides lose what the winnings for As the turmoil draws you in Ducks in a row like lines of sin And the winter seems to last forever But you haven’t seen the last of this endeavour As I grapple with the ghost that throws me down I’m in the ring and out of town As they all call my name I say goodbye to the chains of shame
I’m ending the fight I have with the stars Running through fields like I’m chasing cars And the sound of you is on the breeze Like a younger me the tree frees As I’m walking through the columns and rows Letting go of the loss of anything goes And finding my steadfast in the sight Of everything in the firelight
I’ve tried And I can’t make it work I know love Isn’t meant to hurt And all of this Bending myself into shapes While the hero of the story Quietly escapes It shows me that The grass ain’t green And you can’t make Heaven Out of a dream All the flimsy material To wrap around Your idiosyncrasies And your distinct sound That I hear From far away But there’s nothing You can say To explain What you’ve ripped I guess you could call it A head trip Coz it really Messed with my mind But it’s okay I’m leaving it behind And you can have An opinion or two Just know that I Will never belong to you
The Poetry Book 