There is a space that holds the pain Like the sky holds the rain And it’s a grand expanse Like how the leaves dance In the wind Like how my heart sparkled when he grinned And it’s not just errant love Or the loss of peace or the birth of a dove With an olive branch Sometimes I feel like I live on a cattle ranch Where people are always reigning me in And the bank tells me I must “begin” I dunno, the fuck that means When once upon a time the dreams That were bricks and mortar bound Were found to be unsound And the country was austerified And I’m not sure but I think they lied When the whole thing was on the verge of collapse The whole territory identified on the maps That say where things are But they can’t categorise the star That burns in the midnight blue An old king hidden in the heart of you And they tell you to grow up and they tell you to cop on But I can’t get over what is never gone What just remains In spite of the stains As the tears streak down my cheek I’m in class and I get weak And I feel the faint coming on And I wait too long To steady the ship And some people may shoot from the hip I’ve always been straight down the line I always tell the doctors I’m fine When they doubt what I am I don’t think they have ever heard the can As it’s kicked down the road Doireann Fox asked me because I think it showed And I always wanted to tell her the height of admire Was held in my heart for hers on fire And it’s been so many years And I’ve kicked back with spirits and beers But they never seem to come near To the euphoria and the bliss Of the one thing nobody can miss
I feel like human again now there’s a chink in the chain And you know you’re from Ireland if you trust the rain To always fall There used to be a Berlin Wall To separate the East from West Like they separate me from the one who knows me best And they trap me in a cage So I let it rage on a page All the good they ever did Was just to confirm that I’m His Am I crazy Do I let it faze me Or just let it raise me From the dead And I lay in my bed In Dean Swift And Emmett said whisht Don’t worry your little head And he all but winked at me instead As I lay there and just stared But I dared To cross a line That was so fine As a pen with a nib Can I ad lib And find a quote That I could float Did you know that I wished You were not a star that I missed As I shoot past your gate And I may have learned to hate The gatekeepers at the door But you’re something I adore And the fallaway floor Let’s me out again I call it men But really it’s human kind And women want equality But it’s revenge that’s on my mind For the guy that took me down And now it’s an ocean that I drown In my wide open air Is there any proof that I was there When the final crack of the whip Split my lip And I bleed words into the abyss Why do I still miss Someone who did that to me And if you’re chained to the sky are you free Like Dylan says I’m not sure anyone is listening anyways
The tragedy of being Irish and free Is now I have to watch them being ripped from me And we fought the British for so long Because they tried to stifle our song Only to realise That we were born under rainy skies And the famine and the genocide As my family dies And I stand at the grave And think of all the people the fight could not save As we all hold the weight Of some kind of inflicted hate That still lives in our bones and blood And they think they are good For daring to trying to quench the light Of the good fight For growing up on the grass so green Celtic and inbetween This world and the next And the Spanish were shipwrecked And now their bloodlines are descended We are a conglomeration that has amended The phrase níos Gaelaí ná Gaeil iad féin And there’s something I love about the rain And touching down after Arizona My God, how I wish I could phone ya After our magnificent fight The one that set the devil alight And he tries to burn me in St. Pat’s As the people put out their welcome mats To tell me to come home And that it’s okay I’m alone But I just feel the shaking of the trees And the death that’s always on the breeze When you grow up under the sky Of the memory that cannot lie
There was Darragh in the city And I felt him with me And I hope he's happy and free And I wonder does he ever think of me And if he does what does he surmise Does he think that all we had were lies Or faint veins of lines That mapped the land so undefined I wish I could set the record straight But I just wait and wait and wait And long to be your Jess I saw you converse and I confess That I watched him with his guitar And I wished I could take it to serenade what you are And is it embarrassing to know That the girl that loved you has not let it go And you may have a wife and children too And I wonder if I could still talk to you In our silent communication It was the greater part of my education In my years in the Quinn School Of Business I'm not sure the ocean that I bear witness To will ever come my way again But I know you were the best of men And you taught me that sly Would never trespass in your eye Because you let me really look And I read you like I would read a book Enraptured and all caught in the pages I found my soul amongst the sages But I found my beating heart in your gaze I think of you every time that song plays
I haven't ever found something that could kill the love in me Though I let the men I love go free Coz I'm not the traditional woman that makes a home I'm likely to leave you alone To grow into the boots that are you're own I'm likely to let you win and realise the game was thrown Coz I'm more than what I appear to be And I think it's time I let people see My heart is full most of the time And I guess it's a damn crime I shut myself away behind doors Left the men that my soul adores And just coz there's more than one Doesn't mean that the sun Doesn't shine from the skin Of every man who steps into the shoes of Him I see Jesus in their eyes As though it's the Buddha in disguise Some kind of awakened consciousness Or sentience I cannot discuss With anyone, anywhere I just want them to know I am there Always and forever And the flowers you drop will always be there As I pick the buttercups in the field Feel your breath on the wind and I yield To the warmth in my heart And I didn't mean for the end to start But it's just the way with some of these things And most girls are after rings But I just appreciate Saturn in the sky And think of how we all die Somewhere in the mist Some people don't even know they exist So surface play they swim the shallow pools And they put us in separate schools To keep the passion at bay But my heart knows the song your music play Grooving to the tune of Paddy wearing an ear pierce And the way his eyes would turn fierce When he'd look at me So deep and dark and eternity And he'd utter a sharp word when his pride was wounded And it was like the ball had rebounded Back into my chest So I just dropped it like I do it best But I still think of you sometimes I wonder if that is the worst of my crimes And I saw you in the Spiral Tree I waited for you and you looked at me And I held the barrier so you could get in But I don't know if I would be woman enough for him I just know his soul spells the sky in me It's your light infinity
I’m letting the monstrous go, the one that tried to eat me But it could not defeat me Because I hold Jesus in my core And I know who loves me more As they batter me with clubs and stones As I beg them to just leave me alone And Barry smirks and grins But I don’t have so much time for him Because I feel the pulverise try to latch a grasp And the asp Bites but does not sting And no diamond ring Is forthcoming But I like who I’m becoming As the doctor looks at me with plaintive distress And if I had to guess I’d say that she fears death But then she deals with it every day, I must not forget And tries to stave it off every way she can But I accept that every man Must one day give way to the sea And let the spirit become what it’s always been to me As natural as breathing or being born Why do the people look so forlorn As they contemplate A realm they cannot estimate With the power of the mind I let go all that I’m leaving behind And I feel myself losing it But I think that I’m choosing it As I walk towards the sun I realise that I’m the One
In the infinite moment of us You walked away and the broken trust Still slits like shards of glass On the ground of the class That only ever gave me a pass In it’s hall of induction And some babies are born with the power of suction But it’s not something I think that I will do And it might not be me but it could be you So go make your life With the girl that I call your wife I won’t interfere Just know it’s because I hold you dear And I could never fulfill Your last testament and will Of a perfect fold My streets are paved with gold But I only walk them when I want exercise Like I only look at you when I want to see your eyes And the disguise fall Oh, all this endless talking to the wall And you may never leave her But I think you believe her When she says that I am troubled too But I’m just bubbled like you Brewing like a pot on the hob And seceded like a man on the job As he hammers the nail into place I look away when I see your face In every man I meet I just can’t take the heat Though I would like to try And I know you wanted to die But I couldn’t fold the paper And I don’t hate her I am grateful to her For being there for you When I was sailing a sea that is so blue Telling you about the rainforest I did give you a promise That I would return But I didn’t realise the letter burn In the fire with the stamp still on I love you that’s why I’m gone
I burn CDs to know the truth And each song reminds me of you As your image fragments and splits into two A mirror reflecting what is already gone Twenty years old and sining your song As you let me see your heart And I turn the pain into art That I can turn over again and again Like an embroidered cushion of all the men I’ve loved in the past From Paddy to the one that will last Past the bounds of death And he says that he forgets What we were And only has eyes for her And I should let him go But I don’t think he know What he means to me And if the dream would let me be I would let him see That it’s he and I eternity In the wilderness and the scrub You know it that it’s true love When unconditionality breaks the kernel of The ego you thought was All that there was to you Now I know that I’m more than I could ever do In this world of form And the image of you makes my cheeks warm And my heart do a jig But you’re working on an oil rig And every fire I think to set Only endangers what was met In the honesty I let slip through When I told you that I love you
The line I shouldn’t cross Tries to tell me who’s boss With it’s threats and warnings And just because it’s storming Doesn’t mean that’s not how it’s meant to be Is the weather messing with me And I hear the call of Frances deep Behind every promise that I keep Somewhere int he wood Of the lines of feeling good As I surfed that wave And all the people I was going to save With my wilderness heart And the love that God had set apart For you and I But does the water die When it slips through your fingers And are the bringers Of the other side Really merchants of doom All I can say is I know when you’re in the room Coz I feel you before I see you But there are days I wouldn’t want to be you As I feel the current pushing forth Past the boundaries of no remorse And you found a safe haven with her And I don’t want to risk it on what we were So I can’t be your friend Coz I’m only ever waiting for it to end So we can take up where we left off And in that kind of love someone must pay the cost Of losing what they thought to hold So I put the letters in bold I love you but I’m letting you go I’ll hold on forever though, just so you know
Is there a girl code Because I let him into my abode And now he won’t get the fuck out Even when I told him what I’m about And that I didn’t know about you When I let him do what he wanted to do As I felt the pulling thunder In the sheets I was lying under And I turned to meet his face Now all I see is the disgrace Of knowing that he was with you The whole four years I wanted to Let him be And our history Is tainted and blue And I guess it’s nothing new To say that men will connive Every minute they’re alive But I’m bitter now And jaded and somehow Only see the dark side of the grain As the sky pours with rain Down unto the glen And amen Is the end to every prayer Was he ever even there When he whispered those words to me Like a future planning history As we interlock our fingers Now I just jump at phone ringers Coz I don’t know what the news will be And tragedy Always seem to come down the line And you said that he was fine But I wonder do you know him at all Because I spent an age staring at his wall To divinate And I wouldn’t want a man of mine in that state So I offer him an olive branch or two But he snaps back that he’s with you So I let it fall into the flood And hope that the result will be good But it’s a burden And I wonder if you heard him When he cried on his own The boy I love on the golden throne
Am I the Jolene of the story As he implored me To just let him be And I feel a rankling in my dignity Why would he take this story down As if it would destroy his town And I have no beef with his girl But I had to tell him that the world Revolves around his sun of stars And I was chasing cars Around my head in my room When I was fifteen and kissed the doom As it met you there And I know you care But I rip the page from the typewriter Because my friend said I would have to fight her To get to you And it’s not something I’ve a mind to do I just wanted you to know That I have not let go
I rail against making shitty art Because I’ve got to do it with heart But sometimes I’ve just got to pour the cracks and creases With a love that never ceases As I flex my knuckles to breaking point And somewhere a baby anoint Into a chasm of a different making Am I labouring under what I’m forsaking The church and motherhood Do I give both up for good Because I’m nearly thirty four And I’ve been told to make shakes or the floor Will drop out from under my feet In the instance of a heartbeat And is it just to reclaim the child within That I want one with him Though I’d never say Not face to face anyway In my hidden stance I defy All the parts of him that try to die Against my will Does he even know what he would kill If he thought to take the drink and spill It out over the ground I don’t make a sound As the earth quakes But something in me breaks As though he’s taking a hammer to it And nothing, not even his wit Can put it back together Are we all summer weather Friends And when it all ends Will anything remain If I play this track again
I don’t know what we were But I know I don’t wanna fight with her But I feel her get my back up When I offer her love And she slaps my hand Like the hourglass isn’t pouring sand And all of us into the ocean Why are you afraid to show emotion Is it just me Or is it the dragon that was set free Two decades ago And somewhere amidst the snow The annals of us are preserved I try to keep my cool but I am unnerved By the sheer lack of the sea In the meadows that lap against me And I can’t make it better and I can’t mend What she never broke but doesn’t intend To rectify There is a part of us that can never die And a part that does day by day I wonder why she is that way And the reason seems clear But she doesn’t know how I hold her dear And is it my lot to be unknown And only have my true colours shown When a stranger just walks into my days And tells me I’m free in so many ways And he thinks I hate him, I can hear him sigh But the mists move the mountains and I cry Out with the fear of it But he’s alcohol and I take a sip And find myself head of heels Like I’m lost on instagram reels Just trying to find my source I am not a child of divorce But I know the fracture when the world splits Or the chasm that opens when death hits You hard in the gut And someone you love things you’re in a rut But I would never leave the flowerbed Above the grave that marks your head So I’ll just let you know That I was not born to let go
I miss David more than I can explain I look outside and it’s rain And it was always sun when he was around Like he gave meaning and life to sound And he burst colour into the scene As though I was alive within the dream And now all is dull and grey And what is it that people say Life is what you make it And love is deep so don’t forsake it But I don’t know how to utter your name Without making you take the blame For all that we could never be I saw you down on one knee Proposing to me But you laugh in my face and the indignity Of the moment have me cracking open The shell that was the kernel of hoping For more than just words on the page And the silent rage Pounds against the walls of my castle And I wonder is romance worth the hassle If it means I must go up against Your past and your present tense And maybe you’ll never know what it meant When you accepted the letter I sent
It’s the little things Like wedding rings And fire that ignite And I hear that you like What you see And when the person is me I blush and then sigh And I don’t say goodbye To you again Coz I’ve made my peace with the notion of men How you can’t show affection Without them wanting to add you to their collection Of dolls sitting on the wall But that isn’t me at all Except when I’m walking by the rows And the feeling shows As I smirk And I didn’t think that this would work But it does And the story starts because I let you in the door When I’m walking on the ground floor Of the building grey But the door unlocks when you say Hello to me I didn’t think that I would be Clutching at straws at thirty three
She uses broken arrows to fire at me Then says that she sets me free But her archery is not second place And she knows how to deface A wall with her spray paint eyes And bulletproof disguise And we’ll never be what we were Because you cracked the crisp leaf beside her And stabbed me in the front (only enemies stab you in the back) Still though your love don’t mean jack Not now, not anymore And I’ll always have affection for you, mo stór But our two by two is now shattered glass Because you thought he just wanted ass And so you sought to protect Me from being a reject But in seeing me in the lowest terms I set fire to the hay and it burns Up all the crackling grass And she said that this too shall pass But she’s not the one who has to live through the story I know she’ll just ignore me If I try to press my case So I fall silent in the land gone to waste And spill it all out onto a page All my bubbling pain and held back rage When she’s in the room I don’t know, you echo the bells of doom
I walked on the eggshells of not knowing where to look Should I do this one by the book Or throw the rules out of the window I know she has her eyes on him though As I spy her through my eyeglass And we both agree that Darragh is class And maybe I shouldn’t mention his name But he’ll only see this when I’m way high and fame Has taken me to the door Of all the people I love but mo stór Let me tell you you were epic And I hope I didn’t wreck it And that somewhere in your heart You still have me on start And hit go every now and then I look up and worship as you say Amen To the starshot in my eyes I almost dropped the disguise When she asked me which guy I liked And my courage almost spiked But then I just deflect I think she knows though, I suspect And it was over ten years ago Time passes (most people don’t know) But something’s eternal, something’s ever there Like the way I know you care As we walk the dark path into the grounds Of the apartment complex and all the sounds Fall to the silence of our footsteps I cried that night into my own regret And it was one of the first few days I started writing again In the end something begin And I went chasing after Haley’s comet But someone else is already on it So I just wrote this note to say I still think of you, okay Even if it’s though the moonbeams And the dresses that are ripped at the seams Because they took their cutting scissors to them Still, I wish I could play you again
There are childhood haunts They rise up and grip And I am myself when I let the mask slip Like Keyz and I playing Freespace And all the years that went to waste Just soaking in the sun When I met the man I love I run And I don’t know why that is Because I’ve always been his And if I could only explain to her What we were I think she could understand It wasn’t like I had anything planned I just know what soul speaks And I count the years, months and weeks Since we’ve last talked Since you walked And the demons sat on the edge of my consciousness The doctor said I was “in distress” But he doesn’t know jack And I want my freedom back The freedom to feel, to wreak havoc or hell Without people telling me I’m unwell As they submerge what’s only tide And try to kill what is alive In me But I’ll always be This girl of colour and plunging dark It’s from the night where rises the spark And it visits me again and again One day it’s a bird, next it’s men And then I realise I won’t settle Thorny as a rose and stinging like a nettle But somehow singing like a kettle When you put me on boil Or is that just what it is to be a Coyle
Are you a narcissist, I think I'd love you anyway And I've had my truck with one before you came my way And she goddamned broke my heart with her remarks And I lived for two months in the complete dark With no hope of light But I said that it's alright Because she is out of my life Now I just want to be his wife And I see the familiar pattern Like I am coming at him When I just say how I feel And I wonder if this is real Because I'm just sitting by his side With no way to hide Anything that is inside And I hear in the years that have moved on His memory of me is almost gone And that he has got a girl At least he tells me that in his world I am shy of the ceiling And there's no way he can be dealing With my kind of shit But I just keep talking it Though I fail to say the words I mean You are my fucking dream You are my love and my heart And I just want to take part In your life Does lightning strike twice? Or does love just make the ground A place that can hold the sound Of the thunder as it rolls Something entwines our two souls
I get slated for being emotional and sincere There was that time I told you I hold you dear And you attacked and ripped my hands Away from your paper thin heart and the sands Flow out of your hourglass As you try to make a thing last That never will Because time will kill The bodies that you preserve And the girl that you serve Must one day kiss you for the last time And my only crime Was knowing there will come a day When one or the other of us will go away And I can’t speak forever when I see the horizon And I don’t know what you have your eyes on As you stare into space Meanwhile I just stare at your face Looking at the grass And time will pass But something stays the same There is a love that will not lay the blame Not even when your dripping venom Tries to make an enemy Of me Then return to eternity Where it can fester its wound I saw it all and the doom Ate me up from the middle And the best part of me may be hidden But you can find it if you look You don’t have to do anything by the book You swear by And I hear you cry In my dreams How does a man come apart at the seams When you just tell him the truth That you idolise our youth And that time will also be the proof Of what cannot be destroyed We are not just girls and boys We are immortal souls Water though the wave rolls And breaks onto the land I wonder if I take your hand Would you be a friend Coz true love will never end
The boat rocked when the wave shook me to my core And I kindly showed her to the door When she took out the dagger and it caught the light And I could see in the night That she never wished me well And it rained holy hell On my town I contemplated what it would be like to drown In a nearby lake Would she come to my wake Like the whole community does when someone dies Then someone’s loved one cries And I couldn’t do that to them But I wouldn’t like to be back there again Because it was as pitch as the blackest dark And it left a mark The scar is what I cherish now Because the truth got to me somehow And I don’t understand the Lord but he saved my life And he doesn’t want me to just be a wife And surrender and go down Like everyone does everywhere around It’s like you hit thirty And everything you thought was dirty Suddenly looks so damn appealing And there were comics that I was stealing The day I followed a trail And I swore my soul was not for sale But I danced on the edge of a cliff Balancing on a what if And it mattered to me less than naught But what if I get caught So I commit myself to an institution Maybe they can straighten out my convolution And I’ve always had a strong constitution But it doesn’t hold up under this pressure There’s nothing like a doctor to stress ya Especially when they’ve got all the power But I am not one to cower So I just run to the sea But they’re still watching me As I find a corner of the room That doesn’t sink with the sound of doom That echoed around that place And I couldn’t show my face To anyone at all I just remember the length of the hall When you’re walking it alone And they’ve taken my phone So I follow Sinéad and pace the route But they jot down that I follow suit And it’s all just a case study to them And they assure me it will happen again If I forsake the pills And the bending of my wills But I’m about done with this I’m still thinking about Jack’s kiss
It’s impossible to stay angry at you When you flick that gaze at me And I swore that it would be us For eternity But the dials switched and changed The atoms rearranged And it seemed like our history Would stay in the past Like me getting all those A’s in class And they called me names Like all I am is brains And Deirdre, she cut me down Made me wanna run clear outta that town And she would pick away at me Til I had enough and infinity Isn’t far enough to be away from her Even though I mourn what we were And I know her depths go unknown And some of them were shown To me too And there were parts that were true But the lies they perforate And before I know it it’s that date Again And men Seem like my only salvation As I make x and y balance the equation And I thought I had struck gold In the ground or at the end of the rainbow You turned out to be the same as her though It was all shits and giggles But the next thing the girl wriggles And you’re gone And I say so long To all that I thought you were Enjoy the business you have with her I’m sure it’s mighty fine But just don’t try to waste my time Saying you’re my friend When I only ever saw the end Of what you were trying to sell And I wish you both well But I’m not gonna gallop that pony And I could be wrong but you’re full of baloney
Will you ever know how much you mean to me Did you know you were a dream set free Into the open expanse I watch the leaves dance In the wind And have we sinned By leaving the door open You were barely coping When I swung in the gate And your hate Is rocket fuel Do you live the dual Race to the bottom But I haven’t forgotten The way you just move with the breeze And on my hands and knees I pray to the God you were Before I found out you were with her
I’m not going making an enemy out of you Not even if the whole world wants me to And you’ve got the force of the women’s cause And I’m on a stereo hitting pause Because I can’t cope with what I see That you had her as well as me And I know it’s lame and it’s a whole joke And I can’t get by on what I wrote But I see you sometimes in the air And feel the space where you’re not there And everything’s like an answered prayer And you’re the angel by which I’d swear But the mountains roll down to the sea And I am nothing if not free Of everything you got to be I don’t know if you were looking for eternity But it was forever on the grass Just the kind that doesn’t last And you were the rain that lashed And all the diagrams that smashed But somehow you made a different choice And I decided to hide my voice In the realms of empty pages I’ve written odes to the ages Up against an empty wall And I was running down the hall Just to catch the trail of you Til I realized you don’t want me to So I just stop and stand still Feel the force of all that will Strive to keep heaven away But it’s one shore I can’t hold at bay And the march of time just goes on Will there be a day when we’re both gone Or does something just endure I call it the wave of pure Consciousness that just abides There are oceans that survive The still and empty way you move And if love is just a point we prove Then there’s nothing left to lose I don’t have a choice but it’s you I choose
Death comes to take everything I love And I lose the glove I wore when I was younger and blue And it was all I could do to hold onto you But I had to let you go your own way Because there’s nothing that I can say To stem the tide Of that which cannot abide In the tome of fate I never gave in to hate But I couldn’t hold the love you carry And the boy I want to marry I ran him off Because I couldn’t pay the cost That it would require And now the whole world is on fire With the hate that burns As the aching turns It on its axis and spin And once I was with him But things change and so did he So I let go and now I’m free
I just wanna die with you It would be perfect poetry Romeo and Juliet and their symmetry As forces try to pull us apart But they can’t kill what is all heart And tomorrow is a day no one can promise But you looked in my eyes and you were honest As you spilled truth like rain And I just wanna stand in the waterfall again As it brushes my skin I was never at home til I met him And suddenly the sky Turns and I must watch my lover die On the battlefield But the victory goes to the one who yield But for all the weight of my storm I could only ever keep you warm For a certain length of time And now all I’ve left of you Is something made of us two Growing under my skin I could never replace him With someone new I just wanted you To know the truth The prisoner and her youth
I edit the muse Because I feel the ruse Is too obvious to everyone around So quiet as a mouse I don’t make a sound Til it implodes And everyone goads Me til a break in my mental health Is the cards that I am dealt I smile into the sun And I look for the one Meanwhile, on the run I end what was never begun And I look to him for salvation He hasn’t got any I thought he had the truth But it’s just one of the many And something he spouts To eschew his self doubt I look within And I find a power greater than him Deep in my soul He could make all the waves roll But he can’t command the sea Or make a woman out of me Just coz he’s a man He kicks the can Down the road And the car slowed To see what he was doing I’m no girl for the pursuing So I let it go I’m not sure if he ever got it though
There is a look you scarce can hide Not even when you’re by her side And I can see the way she don’t reach Into the lessons you long to teach And she may be fine by the beach But she’s not the one to help you sleep By her side And you are alive But you’re in a lot of pain I can feel it in the rain That pours from your eyes And if the hero dies Is the story over And I don’t even know her But I know enough to say She is not me, okay And you will never find your truth In the prism of your youth Thinking you’ve won the war Not realising what it’s for And you swore you had one over on me But I just set you free And I know I may not see you again Not in this form so I look at other men And they are wonderous and pure But I am still fuckin’ sure That you’re the one I long to be with And I’m not gonna call her a bitch Just because some theft’s going on And I may be gone But I still feel you wish For my lips to meet your kiss Like they did on the first day Our palm to palm and then away Into the pub where no alcohol is served And I observed That when I swerved Away from you You still pondered what to do And if you could reach over to me But thank you for letting me be free I was too young for sex Or committing to what you wanted to do next And I returned several years later And was enamoured til I realised you date her All the while I poured my soul Into your begging bowl And you see yourself as pathetic and weak Because you did not speak Up when you felt the cue But I’ve always seen the king in you And he rules the realm of my heart It only gets stronger since we’ve been apart
The irrepressible nature of our friendship It keeps on coming back It’s not about all the towers we’ve built Or the modicum we lack Coz I see the stars in shapes and places See it reverberate on faces As everything comes shining down I’m just up the road now you live in town And we’re far away Though we used to play Together at the edge of fields Now summertime’s the way it yields To the storm on the western front It’s not just the season or the time of the month It’s in clouds that gather a while And I risk the thunder to see you smile An eon away And I’m glad you stay Though it terrified me to contemplate The idea of you in that state It’s in all my nightmares And it’s me that it scares When I wake up in the morning I look outside and the sky is storming Would you ever believe In me carrying less than it all on my sleeve And you sigh And say your own kind of goodbye And I try To make you see the sun That shines at the heart of everyone You disagree And most of all what you say to me Has me running like silver thread Pooled like a mothball in my head Oh, the mountain of you Do you think it could be in sight of us two Where we see the horizon Smiling now that we’ve got our eyes on It’s effervescent glow There is little that I show But one thing that is there for sure I’ve never found anything so pure As you and I Please don’t die Til our time, love I hug you coz you were sent from above Like a steady angel to my side You breathe in and I abide In the place I’ve almost been The realm of the unseen The place no hand can touch Is where I love you, oh, so much
She’s probably right about me and him It’s a game I play but cannot win As I hope for somewhere under a star He is wondering what we are But it never shows or comes to fruition Just carting around some ammunition As if we could strike At all we really don’t like But love, my love, is patient and kind It’s present moment, not left behind And I wonder if the waves are ocean enough For you to wash your hands of love That we built, stone by stone Whether together or all alone And you stand by the fortress that you made I say the hero never saved What we were or could be And I’m thinking of she Running her hands down your neck And doing some things you do not expect Just to drive you wild And I’m by the corner, meek and mild And only tepid beside the heat Of the furnace of heartbeats Side by side Would you even care if I wasn’t alive But I abide and sit in the still Let the thunder roll like forests at will In a strong breeze I always knew that you would leave But coming back Seems like something my memories lack As you try to explain But you can’t put back the pouring rain Once it’s down from the sky And I didn’t think to make truth a lie Only find In the halls of my busy mind A story to write I’ll tell our tale, if that’s alright
If I don’t write it now I never will Why does our skill In that department go unrewarded Like an email that remains unforwarded And we conform to all kinds of stereotype When we step out of bounds it really isn’t nice As we’re met with the lashings of society Come on now, it can’t be just me Because to be female means meek and compliant Not subject to feelings that are violent And rude and loud and unfettered In an avenue that cannot be bettered And there is so little discourse so I take to the web To find out what I’m missing instead But all this passion in the astral plane May be in vain If I cannot make real All the beauty that I feel In our encounter as we roll the dice And I am so much more than nice When it comes to red and blue Cold meets warm and me and you In the winter of my life I found something beyond the strife And I may never be a wife But I’m letting go the night As the only place to share I step forward and I dare To break the silent vow That we all follow somehow In case we would betray Ourselves and what we’ve put away For safe keeping But I amn’t sleeping When I cover the sin The simple joy of me and him
The canyon always called to me The vast open space a rhythm to be set free And I see people fall in the miles of my imagination As they stand on the edge of the station Taking selfies in the light And Marge says they’re just not right Because there is a death toll But somehow I found my soul Overlooking the vast red rock Spelling out all that I am not I couldn’t stop staring And there was all that preparing For what I’m facing into And I just thought of you And how your soul looked the same As the ocean I cannot name That pulses inside of me There was a part of me that was set free The moment you chose to come close And you look as white as a ghost And thin and on edge But I would like to be there instead Of the absence that you know And you have her and you Have me I didn’t mean to set you free I just couldn’t stay by the shore Hoping for something more To be revealed And then it stealed Into what I am You were never part of the plan But you’re a welcome adjunct And I feel like I’ve been on punkd! To think I could find a soul That matches the way that my waves roll I never thought I would discover The arms of such a lover
There is a distance in time and space It takes you away from the Now But you have shown me somehow That there is no way you could be removed From where I am in tune With the stars and sea He is always with me Even though we haven’t spoken in ten years Even though I cried bitter tears Over our supposed separation And my education Only ever confirmed That there is always more to be learned When you try to ignite the fire And I do not tire Of my twin flame dreams Because nothing is as it seems When you water it down There’s something about this town That still sings to me And our history In separate schools Breaking all but the most pressing rules As we fight to be free I know you had your destiny To meet But would you greet Me at the door Because, darling, I always want more
My time as a drifter And the time he wanted to shift her In Hillstreet in the dark And I lost a part Of myself when I agreed To the part of me that it freed In the lines in between It was the worst part of the dream I had just been set free from the blocks And I was all about breaking locks And seeing how far I could take it But I didn’t mean to wake it Up from where it lay And it is not okay That when the dragon breathes fire You blame me for the post that I conspire To burn in my flame I am not within my name I am barely brimming at the edges And I can see over the hedges As the man trims them with his machine And I am who I’ve always been But that seems to do me no good If I can only find salvation in the wood And when I’m on my own If I could’ve I would’ve known Twenty years ago But it took time for the life to show Through the facade of the veil And I set sail On a foreign sea To find the part of me That I lost in the melee Do you think you could just be a friend to me?
The saint was born the day that I died Like Gandalf the Grey becoming the White And there was no absorbing light Only a peaceful flame That does not go by any name You could call it earthy awareness And I could guess What you mean by that But it gives you something it can’t take back And when the dream is rendered moot No one can play the flute Not with you, not anymore And they think I close the door But the reality is I am pulled away From the places I cannot stay There is distance in between Me and her and her and what they seem To be But free Does not mean foolish or prude I’m sorry if I appear a little rude But I’ve got to speak my mind When I don’t I do hard time At the institution they call St. Pat’s And there are welcome mats With my name written on They don’t realise I’m already gone As who I used to stand as And it’s nothing bad But it is unusual and unexpected And it’s not as thought I would have rejected Him without good reason His love is a season In the infinity of space time For a moment he was mine And then we were separated Like the schools where we were educated In to make good people of us With rulers and lines and teachers we could trust Some at least And I wonder if the last supper is a feast Like it’s portrayed And if Judas was dismayed To be singled out like that And I wonder what was he at To betray a saviour true Til I had it done to me too By a girl I used to know She cracked the whip so I let her go And I don’t know if time is fast or slow All I’ve realised is that it doesn’t exist though
The one good thing about hell Was that Stephen wished me well And could see the light underneath The ghost with the sheet Around her head (You know the one I got from the bed) In the place with no name Because the memory brings shame Upon my family So I’m not allowed to mention it, we Did it, it was a collective decision And I risk their derision If I reveal That I feel Just fine About my time In St. Pat’s mental institution It was some kind of a convolution In my degree Why does life have me down on one knee Proposing to a saint In the colour of blood that I paint As it runs down the frame Of the place that brought me pain
Creating my own version of hell Just to wish you well And appease the masses Coz the girl’s got classes That she takes on being herself And you could say that her wealth Hinges on being all that she is not And if you try to help a lot It will backfire Because she tire Of female dreams When you pull the fabric at the seams And enter into a plausible affair With someone that isn’t even there And her sister bites And ignites Passion she doesn’t know how to wear As she complains it isn’t fair And resigns herself to a fate She’s not even allowed to hate Coz that could constitute a sin A conflagration that’s within But I burn With every axis turn And understand how the devil might feel To be told that nothing is real And his existence is naught But a way to keep people caught God is everything He’s in every broken wing And in every fallen star There’s no way to escape what you are Even if you turn away The Truth will have the final say
The Great Revelation is that it’s smoke and mirrors And the buttons she presses throw me in the horrors As she speak about how she see And it is so different from me As I paint a landscape She wants to escape Into the green But she’s always been Lost in the grey And when I say Maybe it’s not okay She’d hit me with the butt of her rifle And say it’s not time to stifle The truth of the matter And then she would batter Me with her facts And you can’t take it back Any more than the sky Can take back the tear it cries from it’s eye In a season or two The duplicity came from you Into the serene And life is better when you wake the dream Up from where it stands And there are lands That lie untraversed And no one would expect your manners to be rehearsed But they are And every star That burns Is light years away And though light is born it cannot stay And must collapse into a black hole I wonder if that’s what happens to the soul When it meets it’s end And the colourless light is the only friend I have these days There are so many ways To splinter the prose And take less travelled roads I never thought that I’d be Twenty years on still wondering about destiny Amid the runes And the sand dunes As it filters through air I know the feel of it because I was there
I have this fear inside me, do I focus on it And does it just make me act like a twit I find myself in St. Pat’s, ground floor And everyone shines, my God, mo stór As I’m lying in bed in Dean Swift at night And he’s illuminated by the bathroom light He says it’s very bright But I could look at him and sight Is no burden But how would I word them This prose that sits inside And I only ever hide The best of me And the rest of me Lies in wait All the guys I’d love to date But my heart won’t let me Soul won’t forget me And lead me down a merry path One I might never find my way back From And it’s gone That sudden sharp Like Cleopatra playing the harp It’s an illusion And the confusion Was I trusted words Instead of the flight path of birds As they streak across the sky And I am not afraid to die But say that to a psy Chiatrist And you may get the gist Of what I relay I eventually learned not to say What was on my mind Because it leaves me behind Like an autumn tree And everything is fluttering from me As I’m out in the grass With Mary Jean, I never had to ask Her to teach me how to knit She wove the wool deftly as I sit And she came to my door With something she’d baked on the first floor And we ate it with my sister God knows, I missed her When I was locked away And I don’t care what people say Those places don’t help They just teach you how to stand on a shelf All pretty in pink And I used to think It was for a reason Now I see it was just a season I was passing through Growing wings and flying too Beyond the veil And what’s not up for sale Will always be bought By those who think they have caught The value in it And I didn’t win it But let it go There’s joy in defeat too, you know
The darkness that ensued And all I could do was brood Over the way things had come to be Confinement was the only mystery I could bear to hold So I ran from the fields of gold To the chains in the city And it was more self pity Than it was bravery I couldn’t face the truth And the pillars of my youth Are falling around me Now I have no grandfather to ground me So I just grasp at empty air Because you are no longer there To catch me when I fall And see me play football Down at the pitch Making a switch With Linda on the field But the wind blows and I yield To it and let you go It was harder than you know To relax my grasp On the part of me that was born to last And I couldn’t cry tears Despite the years We spent together And the weather Turned suddenly snow And somehow I just know That it’s time And my crime Is that I couldn’t bear to face This aspect of the human race That we must say goodbye To the people we love as they die And I’m hearing voices The people in Pat’s say it’s just noises But I sense that I can hear More than just the ones I hold dear From the other side I think they are still alive In some other realm And at the helm Is a spirit greater than we can understand He is not ruled over by man But free to birth into the world of form And just because my body’s warm Doesn’t mean that I’m separate From the ones my heart equate With eternal love And if I no longer have to look above But within to find you there Would you know that I still care?
Are our memories so short that we could call this history And the mystery Of the Emerald Isle Is how we survived the trial Of invasion And the abrasion Still shows in galactic consciousness As we struggle to address The appropriate evil to compensate For why we were in that state It seemed like there was nothing we could do Except rebel, rebel But it was a kind of hell As they starved the land of its people And we replaced futility with a steeple And prayed to a God we knew not of Because only Divine Love Could be our salvation As we were collateral damage for a nation Who’s only goal was empire And I wonder they never tire Of the chains they induce And they seduce The whole world with their lies And now it tries To deceive again Because in the realm of men Killing and war are necessary But children are not an accessory To the damage you do Yes, I am talking to you You equivocate And evaluate What you do by some measure But your treasure Is not to be found in the blood of the young Or a people to succumb To what you want to achieve I know you believe In what you say But I see another way To mend the broken wall Try letting the damn thing fall
He bullied me into letting go And I fell into the snow And it was icy cold Can I be brave, can I be bold? And just speak my own truth Reflected through the prism of youth That is growing long But still I believe that strong Comes with age If you do not allow it to turn the page On the fiercest of you If my heart means anything too It will continue to burn a hole Through the veil that hides the soul From the masses And the classes That I aced Were nothing to the glory of his face When it was revealed to me He tried to steal into what it means to me But it cannot be undone Once you’ve seen the sun You cannot unmake it And I would never forsake it Not for a pretty boy That uses females like a toy To play with in the day But in the night it goes away And he is mired in loss and pain And learns to live with the rain That pummels the skin I told him that if he let me in I could make it better And the weather Would pass But our moment didn’t last As he sold me out for someone else And claimed that mental health Is more important than truth My God, life can be such a brute But it will reveal itself to you If you let the web fall through Into the long lost water I am no wife, I am no daughter I am no female set free I am what I’ll always be
The thread unwinds And are we all just out of our minds Running blind Into the wind And the boy grinned At me like it was all okay And somehow it was with him that day Will I find my way back to see The moment of eternity That held itself out in his eyes Deep blue opals that disguise The soul that’s looking through I would love to be with you In any kind of way No broken heart to mend today Just ashen earth clay pots And calling the kettle what I’m not In the morning The sea was storming Until that deathly calm It should have rang some kind of alarm But it didn’t, I just gazed Into a man I would have saved If I had known how Now I just allow You to breach the barrier And I know you wear the weather with her I can see it through the grain As it’s all coming down as rain In a January morning In the winter of 2013 And the dream Is less like shattered glass And more like Gandalf and “You Shall Not Pass” But the goblins from the grave Seem to haunt all of my days In so many ways As I look into the sky And wonder when you too will die
New season, can you accept it with grace And it’s been an age since I’ve seen your face And for all my intuitive understanding I can never reply to what you are demanding In splintered prose And less travelled roads It all gets so tiresome and weary I just want someone to see it clearly And I had thought that you Had peered through The vast abyss or canyon cavern To something more than a tavern With spirits and ale A chalice that is not up for sale I support the columns because should they fall There would be an unholy clatter in the hall Like that time we shattered glass Or broke the branch of class With our own brand of free Now he’s talking to me And it’s like all my dreams have come true In the midst of me and you And absent weight A moment to forget the hate And all that weighs us down We could be the coolest folks in the town Your words, not mine And every crime Has its resolution And the solution Is meeting them where they are Every person, I don’t care who you are Has a star At the core of their being Even though they may not be seeing The light sublime I wouldn’t trade it in if it were mine
I watch it fly into the sky And, you know, everyone cry But not everyone wakes while they live It happens when you forgive That girl who took a lightning strike And aimed it at me but, like, I turn it into some kind of illumination And now every tv station Plays my tune Like I’m the only one in the room And I meet someone I would like To meet in the dead in the night Sneaking out into the grass I didn’t think our love would last But it’s been fifteen years And we’ve weathered rain clouds emptied of tears As they fall on us And I trust Him to do just what he craves But he’s the Superman who saves Me from the boring grey He is like a sun ray That sets all the colours a throb And I give him what he wants to rob From me And dignity Won’t keep this secret quiet It’s always been a riot In that avenue And his blue Offsets my red Til we’re white light in bed Making one with the serene This is beyond the dream And they say twin flames reside In the place where duality hides Its face from something so pure He’s what I bank on and I know for sure That we’ll always be eternal prose And he might be the one who chose Me, but on my side I’m just glad he’s alive In this incarnation And my education Taught me to always say no But with him I’m like, let’s go And get on with the show You claim to make But I’ll be no oven to bake Some buns for the eating I gotta be the one you’re keeping For forever in a sigh Our love will never die
I sit and wait for what wants to come through But it only ever speaks of you And what we are Some far distant star Shines on us both And the coach We took to the sea Set the both of us free You can trust me I will be here Always, for you, dear Though you may not see me in the leaves You don’t need to believe Just trust and open to what is And I know that she is his But I welcome her care and her devotion I can feel it in his emotion As he speaks to me And eternity Is on his breath But, still, he does not forget Because almost never crossed the line And we are us for all of time In every winter that the trees shake I will be there and when you wake You will see my subtle stance I’ll love you always in this dance
The machinations work And they hurt As I make myself small To appeal to you all And it’s not because I hold a grudge That I trudge through all this sludge Into the mists of time And my rhyme Gets relegated Into something somebody stated One time in the hall I hold myself back and the freefall Is more than I can bear And I tear In the fabric rush And everything I seem to touch Turns to ash And I can’t get it back Anymore than I ever could And the wood Is the only place I can find peace From the threat of the decease As it throws patterns on the wall And it’s not part of me at all Anymore Because that closed door Opened into a new sky And I realised I could never die
The higher dimensions call to me And they ask to be set free From all the chains Earth entails Because their starship never fails To broach the boundary of sky I wait and watch while people die In Palestine But it’s justified so “it’s fine” Are the people in Gaza even human Because what are the forces even doing To innocent men, women and child I look and see that the land is wild With sunset in the air And a sea that beats the coast with care And you may say it’s anti-Semitic To go against the rhetoric That is spilling from the screen Because war is always a scream And there’s nothing we can do about it So why should I even doubt it Like when they invaded Iraq All the world that I held back From speaking aloud and true Coz they might do something to you But they destabilise And become dictators in their eyes And I know the soldiers are just boys Firing guns like they’re toys Never knowing what they do To the people who are facing you But somewhere in my blood I can see a realm that’s good That goes beyond the tears And it’s been with me for years Somehow my Irish skin Shouts out to say “I am with Him” And the Jesus that I know Was Palestinian also so I must speak before the quiet Becomes an unholy riot And sets fire to the world I’ve never been just a girl
Living in the hills I’ve known my own share of pain And the west coast is full of rain Because it faces the Atlantic And don’t be so dramatic When you say that the wiles of Connemara Has shades of Scarlet O’ Hara With her red hair and wild ways I have to say I cannot leave what he says When he talks about a soulmate And it more than a person that you date It is someone to whom your heart is bound I fell for him without a sound And he tried so hard Did he know that he had the card That would trump a royal flush And the seats were so plush As we sat in the comfort of each other He had the safety of a brother But the love of a fire brimming flame And I didn’t remember his name Because he went by something else And I was a little worried about his mental health But he’s always been my choice And ever since I found my voice I’ve been searching for ways to say I always want to be with you, okay?
I run from him and my destiny Because I can’t think a man would ever want to be with me But it seems he does And it is twenty shades of love In every hue And in everything a man or woman could do Together, with each other, that can’t be done alone I see him on my phone And ask him to please be more clear He said, “clean your glasses, dear” And I spitfire in the sky Scream out, what if you die And leave me with child What will happen to my wild If I’m forced to birth Something that will hurt Like a bitch He says; “you’re a witch In the positive sense” I tell him he’s dense In a John Snow kind of way But he doesn’t get the things I say And my pop culture reference But in his own defence He stays silent as the grave And does nothing to save Himself from my onslaught And if there is anything my life has taught Me it is to appreciate What’s there because when you equate Permanence to the temporal You set yourself up for a fall And will he ever know That my love for him will never go But I can’t be the female he sees I was never afflicted with that disease In living life on my knees And giving more than I have Lost in guilt and feeling bad And he is more feminine than I But we both look into that which will die And come out smelling of infinity If you could set me up, could it be with he?
The Poetry Book 