Category: consciousness

The Woven Thread

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I write about the woven thread
It piles upon me as I lay in bed
And her unexpected answer rings in my mind
As I wonder what’s left behind 
When she chooses to abandon the earth
And I wonder does it hurt
To be sky high in the clouds
When I talk to her out loud
In the silence of my room
And the doom
Doesn’t reach this place, this far
I was just driving in my car
When the moon came down to kiss the ground
And now I hear it in every sound
That ever makes itself known to me 
The liberation of being set free

Photo Credit: https://pin.it/1skyxQh

Getting The Message To Where It Needs To Be

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I’m getting the message to where it needs to be
Because people drown in a foot of sea
Water as it comes up to their throats
They don’t know they can stand up and hope floats
And seeks eternity in the bones
Of the body the soul has made home
We tiptoe around the fact
It doesn’t help that I want him back
In spite of all his flaws
And the way the icicle thaws
As it hangs like a stalactite
From the room I ignite 
With my Lára flame 
You know everything is in a name
And I am not to be crossed
But look, baby, all is not lost
Not if you count the shipwreck safe
But there’s a coast we can escape
To if you just open your eyes
But you keep them closed and something dies
In the subterfuge
And it’s all rouge 
Everywhere
And people who just do not care
About what has come to pass
And the part of love that last
Far past the point of surrender
I do everything I can to make you remember 
But you are lost in your nonchalant 
As I pick an adequate font 
To write out your epitaph 
You know you made me laugh 
So hard that day
But was I laughing at what goes away 
When the midnight is done
And there is a sun
That does not need light 
Or fusion to combust into all that’s right
And I know you hobble and I know that spiders’ webs
Weave their tendrils above your head
I’m just here to be a reminder
That if you look you will find her
Right where she always was
Under the stone of your in-laws

Immortality

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I hold back what I really want to write
Because I’m scared that it might be shite
Or even worse profanity
Paying testament to insanity 
Held beneath the skin I walk
It’s only trouble that I talk 
As I head to the abyss
Fearing for a night to kiss
And they held me in a healing balm 
The doctor took my shattered arm 
And led me to the door
They drove me there and what’s more
Is I kind a liked it when 
Barry called my name again 
Out like a prophet does Jesus
Lord knows how I need it 
When I’m in the smoking room 
With Aoibhín and the sonic boom 
As we draw rainbows on the wall
In pens my parents brought me from outside
Outside the cavern that keeps me alive
For the time being 
It’s a different way of seeing 
But it’s true enough to say
I couldn’t have had it any other way 
And the doctor mumbles and utters vague treatises under his breath
On what the war with self does to make you forget 
What you have come to be
But I cannot shake the feeling that he cannot see
Just who he is talking to 
“Delusions of grandeur, we’ll add that one to
The long list we made of your faults”
And I kinda get sick of opening vaults
For them to plunder my wealth
In the name of mental health
And I wonder what they’re preserving 
Or what God they are observing 
When they make idol tropes
And then they tell Shauna how to cope
With the fact that she can’t bear
To get out of the clothes that she seems to wear
Each and every single day
But I won’t let her leave that way
So I go and sit by her side
When she’s in the horrors and I abide
I feel it fall away from her grasp
You know that bitch, that poisoned asp
And I crush its head on the floor
You’re not taking aim at someone I adore
Even if it’s by her doing 
It’s not something you should be pursuing 
In any eventuality
Me, St. Pat’s and immortality

Years Pass By

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I’m on medication
Change the TV station
Because I am strong
And I have done nothing wrong
But I want to reveal 
How I feel 
For all the broken and shamed
For all of the days that cannot be named
Because of the darkness they emanate
And you feel trapped in that state
When you are in it
And the Church just says don’t sin it
But I’ve got to believe there’s another way
To articulate, to say
That your crime is being innocent and not knowing how
To deal with the weight in the fields you plough
And I want to issue to sky
That there is something that doesn’t die
In the perforate
You don’t need to equate
What you do with what you are
You are born from the scattered star
That once imploded
So though they may have goaded
You into submission
Remember your original condition 
And that shine 
God is neither yours nor mine
But the infinite 
You are not alone tonight

Years Pass By

.Reading time 1 minute.
I’m on medication
Change the TV station
Because I am strong
And I have done nothing wrong
But I want to reveal 
How I feel 
For all the broken and shamed
For all of the days that cannot be named
Because of the darkness they emanate
And you feel trapped in that state
When you are in it
And the Church just says don’t sin it
But I’ve got to believe there’s another way
To articulate, to say
That your crime is being innocent and not knowing how
To deal with the weight in the fields you plough
And I want to issue to sky
That there is something that doesn’t die
In the perforate
You don’t need to equate
What you do with what you are
You are born from the scattered star
That once imploded
So though they may have goaded
You into submission
Remember your original condition 
And that shine 
God is neither yours nor mine
But the infinite 
You are not alone tonight

Exposition Of The Blessed Sacrament

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This is not a cry for help
It is an exposition 
Of the Blessed Sacrament 
Of that which is not caught in the dream
And everything that it may seem 
I find there is a dagger in my heart
It catches my breath and I start
To breathe shallow and low
There are places I do not go 
Because of how it makes me feel
And somehow I cannot deal
With his web of lies
That he calls a mere disguise
Somewhere in the shatterproof glass
And as we crash I see the class
We used to frequent 
Die a slow death on what once heaven sent
Should I concede in being weak
It’s in every syllable he doesn’t speak
As he sits beside me on the bus
And I thought that I could trust
In his effervescent light
But the meaning of the word is spelt better than alright
As a saviour comes in once I open the door
Because I don’t want to feel this way anymore
Whether it’s in the halls of Dean Swift
Or a look I just received as a gift 
From the boy next door
I can’t explain if you don’t already know, mo stór

The Bastardisation

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How the hell did you get me on my knees
Praying to an idol that doesn’t believe
In the Lord I serve
I see an obstacle and I swerve
Out of their flight path 
And it is not the God of wrath
That has sway
It is Love that will win the day
As everything unfolds
And fields of gold
Never seem to arise
Because I watch what dies
Rise
Again to break the chain
Of thinking we live only under the rain
Of a cloud that pours
Through out open doors 
And even a crack is enough to let the light in
And something broke when I met him
I could feel the plummet anchor down
And now he knows who runs this town
When all the anarchy has subsided 
And the Jesus you derided
Is a fortress deep and strong
I place my foot on air and I can do no wrong 
As I take a leap of faith
Into the space, beyond the hate
What does it mean to be grown 
I look at the chains that have flown
Away from the land we discover
It is more than lover to lover
It is consciousness recognising itself
In the cards that life has dealt 
Did you see the star
Through the melted prison bar
That just seemed to go away
Because the confinement just cannot stay
Not in all this open grass
I promise that my heart will last
Far past the beating in my chest
You kiss the gate, I’ll do the rest

Waking Up From This

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The demise of all I know to be true
I was just walking through the wood with you
When a tree fell across my path 
And I felt God’s wrath
Alight on my head 
And if I woke up dead
I could testify
To the great lie 
But the something there won’t let me go
I fell to the floor and now I know
I was on the verge of a precipice
Til death came to kiss
Me full on on the lips
And it was a magnificent eclipse
And it was only in the night that the sun shone
I only knew it when it was gone
In brilliant white and effervescence 
I made a curse into a blessing 
And I awoke groggy but sharp
My teacher wondered did she make a mark
On me making me stand that long
But it was a song 
That fell from me 
Not absent hunger, infinitely

Atlantean Mimicry

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And I started to hear it again
But this time it wasn’t the end

Florence + The Machine
I wait for the fall 
And I can hear it call
Like the water an age ago
I was with you and her, you know
In the presence of priestess 
And who else? (You have one guess)
I was alone though 
When I was birthed into the form you know
With no guidance to follow
And all my dreams were hollow
When I would catch one it would evaporate
And leave me in an altered state 
Til the sun shone at fourteen
And Yeshua came and woke the dream 
Up from where it lay
So forgive me if I trust him, okay
And you made a slur against his name
Now I can’t look at you the same 
Because the one I will defend
Is more than a best friend
Can or will ever be
It is the root of you and me 
I look away from your eyes
And something of our beauty dies
As desperation creeps across your visage
And it makes me feel kind of sad
And sorry for you, so 
I let you back in but you know
That my terrain is rocky ground
The mountains in between Ireland and landNewfound
That once held so much more between 
And every scream 
Has it’s birth in the dissolution 
Of that one resolution
When we gave our spirit to flesh 
And lost the wings that we regret
But I feel mine burst through my skin
And across the ocean I fly to him
Whispering in his ear
Wake up, wake up, my dear
And somehow he hears my cry
And refrains from a goodbye
That I could not make stay
Not in my brightest day
And he clasps his hand in mine
And for a moment we stop time 
As we remember who we are
I’m running my hand through the star
That shines above your hair 
A kind of halo that just is there
And no rivers can run this out to sea
Because you are at the core of me
And somewhere we are one
Like the birth of the sun
In the sky so long ago
When the Creator said “Let There Be Light” so
There was 
I love you just because

Breaking Free

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Locked box and chains
People are freed by rains
Though they seem to get wet
It’s just they forget 
What it feels like to feel water on their skin
It pours on me so I just let it in 
And it’s floods and its tears
And it’s years and years
In a cage of their making
But I’m not for the taming
As I bite back
I don’t want to attack 
But I feel the fire burn
And I begin to learn 
That keeping it in 
Only creates hell within 
I sit behind the curtain
And something’s hurting
So I glance past 
The A’s I used to get in class
Always determined by someone else
Now they dictate my mental health
Set up archetypes 
And ways I fail to be alright 
Like grades on a paper
And he just wants to escape her
Though I don’t give it away
I just lie to myself anyway
And pretend that I can earth the ground
As they quench the sound
Of my fire burning
But the world’s turning 
And every sun rotates
To burn on the line that equates
Itself with the midnight I’ve come to know
I just pray he does not let go 
Before I get back to him
If I throw the game does he win?

Weaving A Thread

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I’m working off the grid
To reinforce what ever is 
And it is made of light
To make the spirit ignite 
But no one knows what I”m doing
And the dream that I’m pursuing 
Seems ever elusive
And I am perfusive 
In spelling out exactly what I entertain
To rise above the pain
Into a realm beyond the dust 
Somewhere that you can trust
Because it will not fall away
What’s there when nothing else can stay
Is only known 
When you let go of the garden grown 
With fertiliser
And equalisers 
Distort the sound 
But the ground
Is green and when you touch your feet
To the earth you really meet
And for the first time
You let go of the crime
Committed against you
And present tense you
Into forever 
This endeavour 
Will not go wrong
It is built on the power of song 
But you can’t hear the music if the noise
Captures you and the boys
Are all beautiful 
But the wool
You use to touch my skin
Is enough to make me sin
And depart
From the calling of my heart
That speaks in silence pure
A Word that will endure

Diamonds In The Rock

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Opening the door on the bitterness I hold like a grudge
From that time she made me trudge
Through the snow in the coldest winter
And it couldn’t have been simpler
I wanted to walk away
And she made it easy to say okay
When she said she couldn’t relate to me 
Now there are men who would date me 
And she called me a princess in an ivory tower
Looking down on those beneath her power
And it struck a nerve so tense 
The air got thick and dense 
With fog and indecision
With her accusations and her derision 
As she pointed the finger at me 
And Doireann walked out on infinity
When she saw me fight with you
I tried to justify a position and it happened to
Make me surrender
So I just remember
Pulling all my boats to shore
As though I didn’t love you anymore 
Because you took the sharp end of the knife 
And plunged it into the back of my life
And good friends stab you in the chest
But you never graduated to best
Not in the way they had 
You always talked about something bad
That haunted some kind of vision you’d see
One day the bad thing was me 
And you struck me with the back of your hand 
Til I’m face down in the sand
And the grains 
Eventually became the pains
That threw me into a new revelation
Like turning off the tv station 
The static just went quiet
And the riot 
Turned to this calm 
And what you had in your palm 
Emptied itself of waves 
And it is the Lord who saves
Not I
So turn to Him and cry
And he will catch your tears
I’ve held this in for years and years
Thinking that I owed you secrecy 
Because of the things you whispered to me
In undertones 
And before phones 
Were there to document 
I couldn’t have said where your love went 
But I don’t want something back
When it turns to attack
At the slightest provocation 
And there was elation 
When the burden was lifted
And something was gifted 
To the girl 
Who thought the end of the world
Had come to her door
But there is always something more
To see
I was plunged into the mystery
And the clouds murmured and announced
I was to be more than renounced 
By someone I cared for 
There is an open door 
And what I was before 
Faded from view
The one who had been destroyed by you 
I’m talking to Ilona and I look round and see
You at the back staring at your copy
And I feel a wave of empathy
And long to reach out
But something closes down and my doubt
Tells me that she’s not worthy of 
The kind of love
That is boundaryless
She would just make another mess
In the room of forgiveness 
But sometimes I still ponder the fact 
That I never stopped loving her back
In all my turning away
And the things that did not stay
And somewhere in the unknown
There are flowers yet to be grown 
In the garden with the seeds
A thing doesn’t grow until it bleeds
And love isn’t free until it needs 
Nothing at all
I stand in the waterfall
And let it pour down its truth 
You were the burden of my youth
And let this be the proof 
Of coal turned diamonds on a tin roof

The States Of Being

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I wanna take a trip to the states
Because when the air escapes
From my chest
It is the place that knows me best
And I found myself in New York City
In Brooklyn and no one was with me 
Until you broke into my dream 
And told me that the queen 
Wanted her king back
And it is a massive attack 
To know that the strikes will hit
Every girl you call a bitch
As she rises to claim her power
And I watched the demon shower
All the shards on me 
Til a little girl set me free
I ran out of my building half afraid
Because the sun was in the shade
And she took my hand 
Asked me to help her cross the sand
To the other side because the cars
Were passing by like shooting stars
And I could only think “you must be an angel”
So I stood and paused until the ladle 
Was full with soup to drink
And I took a second to just think
And looked left and right
Til the coast was clear and white
As a ghost I led you across the trail
It was Flatbush and it didn’t fail 
To live up to it’s reputation 
But as I watch you catch a dream with elation
And skip away into the neighbourhood
I thought God the Great must be good
To send a little precious child 
To save me from my thoughts so wild
That had convinced me I was masked 
By an evil that was dark 
Because I reached out my hand to touch
And it, damn well, exploded the plug
It blew out with a bang 
And I was scared because my phone rang
At the exact moment the die was cast
And I reached back into the past 
To pluck an apple from a tree
And now he is one with me 
In the land of duality 
To break like waves on the shore
And I can’t take it anymore
I gotta get outta here
But it becomes crystal clear
That kundalini is electric 
And when life gets hectic 
It slows you to a glacial pace
And you drop out of the human race
Into something deeper and dynamite
I don’t think I’m keeping this thing quiet

Brooklyn College Football

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I was in New York for the summer
And was it any wonder
I could not find you there
Though I still care
I was running from the weather
When I saw you with Heather 
And the flowers grew from her hair
And I swear I don’t care
And won’t be the one to split you up
Though I don’t think it’s my kind of love
I love being free
And if you were with me
I wouldn’t hang on your arm
Like you’re gonna save me from harm
I would stand proud and true
And be the one supporting you
To be the man that you are
I would pick you up in my car
And drive you to the places that you love
Let you choose the music that the glove
Fits just right 
And in the night 
We could make songs of our own 
Like a symphony I’ve never known 
Til I met it in us
And I trust 
You like family 
Though in terms of contact there isn’t any
And we have miles of water under the bridge
But I still find what is
To be
Free
Quintessentially 
And I thought that when I found the city I would find
My own peace of mind
Coz I’d longed to be there for so long
But I couldn’t have been more wrong
Coz I’m an ocean away
And something of us still stay
And I call your name, you’re asleep
I can see your frame and I keep
Whispering into your ear
Wake up, my dear

The Stunning In The Stars

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There’s stunning in the stars
And they wish away all of my prison bars
As they shine from on high
And whisper that I’m not gonna die
Not from treason, not from rain
Not from people I’ll never see again
As the bird alights on my shoulder
I roll away the boulder 
At the mouth of the tomb
And find my Lord like I found the womb
Of all existence
And the resistance
Is subterfuge 
In the deluge
Of somehow in the Sunday
Would the Son of Man love me anyway
In spite of all I have not done
And the promise of being young 
Was not enough to stem the tide
Of longing to abide
In a deeper state of being 
And the seeing 
Is no longer enough
I have to become the love 
Instead of picking fights 
With people when they’re being shites
And talking me down to sin
Telling me that though I walk with Him
I am lost in the sea
And I get a knee
Into the chest
It knows how to wind me best
With the loss of love
Why do you do this when above
Is the standard we bear
I watched the Universe tear

The Weight Of Pain

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The weight of pain tries to find me again
And it would search anywhere it could 
Find me in that wood
Because the great and the good
Have no concern
For the way the people burn
Under the might of empire
And the fire 
Is not something I can put out
Under this self doubt 
As I avoid
Catching the eyes of the boys
As they try to catch mine
But I will not do hard time 
Trying to be someone’s version of love
When I’ve been always been obsessed with above
And I can feel the tendrils curl 
Around the frame of the girl
So I abandon her to the ether 
I will not be woman either 
I am not somewhere in between
I am awake to the dream 
Where we live in duality 
And our reality
Is conditioned by the thoughts we entertain
And the rain
Only falls on fields that are green 
Eyes only open once you’ve seen

The Midnight That Shattered Me

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She’s a mystery to me
And I long to let her go free
But every attempt I make 
Is met with something she forsake 
And I reach out across the sea
But I’m met with a knee
In the gut to wind
And let me know that I have sinned
As she announces her realm
And the ship at the helm
Is vacant and empty
It’s been this way since we were twenty
And I sought to find
Something I had left behind
In my teens
(Not just the man of my dreams)
But friendship too
And I felt the lack of you
In Dublin City Centre
Captain America’s but I could not enter
Because the gate was barred
And I felt times get hard
As I refused to cross the line
That I felt them define
And commerce was too coarse for me
But I obeyed willingly
The teachers, the guidance, the accounts and the way
But there were things I could not say
As I walked through my apartment 
I heard a voice from your department 
Saying; “why am I in so much pain”
That was just before the rain
Pelted on me 
I ran from Jess and Hillary
As they left bottles on the floor
And became something that I abhor
They throw a party in the dorm
But they do not warn
Either I or Caroline
I walk in and it would have been fine
If I could’ve just locked my door
But I get dressed up and walk on the fifth floor
And have a chat with Colin too
Though he is different than what I’d want to
Embody as the excel 
But he’s alright so I said “well”
It is an Irish greeting
You say when you are meeting
Someone you causally know
Then sanity let me go
In February of that year
I felt myself on the edge of a tear
As Snow Patrol belted a tune
But I could feel the split in the room
As I wrapped myself in a blanket 
I did not forget to thank it 
For its warm embrace
When everything seemed to deface 
The old tome
And I just wished for home
But I could not go back 
And everything I lack 
Is muted in the undertone
I loved my Nokia phone
And I kept the messages I sent
Three hundred of them before I went
To America, to New York
And somehow there was a fork 
In the road I chose to walk
I am not to be all talk 
But something deeper than they see
I will walk out of history
And write the words that have called to me
Since the beginning of mystery
Decided it would dance with me
Now I am all beauty 
And sparkling lights 
And in my darkest nights
I could still find love
Just trust it’s there because above
Will never failed to sink
Into depths you do not think 
Can ever be perforated
Depression is underrated

The Garden

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There are laws and there are lines
Watch me cross them a thousand times
And she says to be wary
And I always respect the fairy
At the bottom of the garden 
I watch positions harden
On the news 
As people pay their dues
By hunkering down on what they don’t know
I felt it bite so I let go
Of that particular stranger thing
And I don’t know if a Sí has a wing
But I know I do not trespass 
On their particular piece of grass
And there are thousands of other creatures
Different in all their features
Who walk amongst us, who are
Not foreign like a burning star
But intimately connected 
To the god who was resurrected
From the cross
I feel the pain but all is not lost
On me
I am set free
By the daggers in my side
And just because I’m not alive
In the same way I was before
Does not mean that I am not something more
Than I grew to be
There is a mystery
That has always haunted my vision
And the derision
Did nothing to dim
The connection I had with Him
In the form of prayer
Coz I just know He is there 
And listens to me
And everything I’ve come to be
In the growing time 
I thought it was a curse to be forced to rhyme
Each word with another
And every brother
I ever found
Had a preoccupation with the lack of sound
In the sky
To be born you have to die
And I woke up on the floor
And I don’t know what for
All I know is that Truth
Reached into my youth
And asked me to become
The bridge on which the coat is slung
As I dive right in
And I met him
When he was a brigand wild
But I could see his inner child
Longing to be let loose
So I sigh at the proof
He seeks to find
That he should not be left behind
And I smile
I’m gonna love you for a while

Deciding To Be True

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I watch the march of patterns 
Then decide to be true
Because there is no doubt
That they are judging you 
But sometimes I don’t care
I just go with the flow
Because there are things about me 
That the people just don’t know
And there is conversation
There are adjacent slides
There is love and loss
And there is something that abides
In the snow and winter
In the summer time
In my days of sadness
That somehow made me rhyme
But little did I know 
That the magnificent prose
Would be found in Ireland
Down less travelled roads
And I mourned the death
Of those who have gone before
I mourned my own body
And I mourned you, mo stór
Because everything dies
Everything fades away
The world you think you know
Will one day no longer play
Like a screen before your eyes
Like a paper drawn upon
You look with your consciousness 
On that which will be gone
But there’s something that won’t break
Something that will not drown
And they talk about it quietly
When you come to town
And I see it in your eyes
When they get that glow
And though you may be far away
I can see you know
So I don’t worry anymore
About the fate you tempt
I don’t fear the death that threatens 
Because soul is exempt 
From anything that tortures
Anything that burns away
I looked for the permanent 
And I found it could not stay

The Summer In The Sadness

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There is summer in the sadness
In the wistful longing 
It is not absent love
But loss of some belonging 
And I tried to get over
What I could not seem to find
But I had not lost someone 
I had only lost my mind
To some strange December 
I found in village true
I thought I was saying goodbye
But there is an eternal You 
That shines in every darkness
Like a star in the night
God is good and gracious
And He said Let There Be Light
And somehow I know the truth
That issues from his Word
Jesus is the strength 
I found in me, I heard
The silence that he uttered
Deep into my soul
Now I am the shore
As the waves, they roll and roll
But they cannot crash the landing
Where once I did abide
I have found a peace
Somewhere deep inside
And it cannot be moved
It cannot be stirred
It landed on the branch
Like a holy bird

Beautification

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Beautification
Don’t change the TV station
Just stay with me for a while
I am a program that will make you smile
His eyes are lashes and he looks away
What is it you have to say? 
I fall in love with you over and over
We’re chalk and cheese like the white cliffs of Dover
And I grew up to hate the British for what they did
But when the moment came to me I hid
And the little girl talks about the lid
Of a bottle 
It is full throttle 
On the car I drive
And no one is ever unalive
They just change in shape and form
And just because the body’s not warm 
Doesn’t mean someone has died
It’s just they’re somewhere you haven’t tried
To be in communion with yet
And I swore I would never forget
But I don’t need to hold it like a grudge
Because that space in me doesn’t budge
It just issues forth
And there is no remorse
Because you’ve done nothing wrong
People just misinterpret your song
As you’re singing it into the wind
The people teach the lesson of sin
Because they don’t know the pure
That’s the one thing I know for sure

Consciousness

.Reading time 1 minute.
What is consciousness, is it sentience
Do you deride 
The people who abide
In that state of being 
When you know what you are seeing 
As you look into the screen 
I thought that life was a dream 
And it was no kind of inception
It was just a mild correction 
On the usual way of perceiving 
And I know what they are believing 
About me 
That I would take my history 
And erase the future it would write
Though I insist I am alright
They tell me I’m not well
And that they know that life is hell
Inside my soul 
But they don’t see how I roll 
With the waves unto the shore 
Did I just make it hard to adore 
What you see
When I refuse to be 
Something that they long to see
Like a vague mystery 
School of thought in the summer
Then some dude starts a runner
In the garden that I grow 
Because he thinks he’s in the know 
But he knows nothing at all
I think that may be why he built a wall

Taking Aim

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Taking aim at modern psychiatry
Because it just seems to get the best of me
As they say I’m not well
I can only tell
Them the truth 
That in my youth
The darkness came to kiss
The reason I exist
And for a season or two
I wondered if I would follow you 
Down into the abyss 
And I make a fist 
But I strike air
Because the enemy was never there 
Only a foe in sheep’s clothing
The nurse had a way of knowing 
I was just making shapes
And so the girl escapes
From Stella ward again 
It is full of older women 
And I cannot bear to sit in the common room 
And reminisce about the edge of doom
While the TV plays a tune
And the ladies said I brought some calm 
And some kindness to their alarm 
As I moved soft and serene 
Between the edges of the dream 
And it was a nightmare for some
But I do not succumb
And I talk to Francis in Special Care
He says there is a reason he is there 
And I don’t need to worry
And the hurry 
I’m in can quiet
Does he not see the riot
In the minds of his charges
A whitelighter at the marches 
As they step in line for freedom 
But do you let them know you can see them
When you let them down easy
I was so breezy
But do I let it go at thirty three
Or do I stand up for the best of me 
In the subterfuge
I was the refuge
For a sea of souls 
In the realm that grows old 
Slowly by degree
You can put your faith in me

The Life Of Pi

.Reading time 1 minute.
The life of Pi is all maths 
And taking bubble baths 
And somehow in the machination 
I found more than education
I found stillness and I found peace
I found that which does not decease
In the little oratory
The ground was green and welcomed me 
As we did a meditation 
On the ground of levitation
And it was a Buddhist tape 
And I doubted the escape 
Could be real 
But somehow it steal 
Away all of the pain
I lived in lashings of acid rain 
As it stripped the paint off me 
But a moment and I was set free 
Like the trappings of sin
Fell away at the command of Him 
In the class
Room one and the demon pass
Like a wind outside my door
I fell down and worshipped what I adore
And the locks were broken 
The Holy Word spoken 
And the leaves all blew away
From the tree that held me that day
To the ground
Rooted in soil and the sound 
Of what I had learned 
But something was burned
And just let go
And I woke into what I didn’t know 
Was real until 
It took it’s fill 
Of all that I thought I was 
No longer person but a soul of love

Stepping Out Of LIne

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Am I stepping out of line
To say that a war crime
Is not something I can bear to see
The silence that gets the best of me 
As I struggle with some imaginary chains
But sometimes you just have to let the rains
Fall upon the lands so green 
And this ground has no queen
Who would rule and lord over all the grass
As least not the kind of noble that would last
On any kind of throne
God is the source of the place I call home 
And It issues from every space I step 
It is the space of no regret 
But somehow I lose fifteen years 
In silence and in tears 
As they struggle to contain 
The part of me that is all rain
And I fear to write
About all of this shite
I feel the tendrils encapsulate 
And tell me what I should and should not state
They call it OCD 
Then go and change their tune on me 
It’s psychosis, there’s creaks on the stairs 
And there are reams of unanswered prayers
Just sitting in the envelopes marked send 
When will this torture end
As I try to be somebody but my twin flame
Comes back and calls my name 
As I lie awake in bed
Why can’t I get him out of my head
And is it trivial to say that his love
Fits me like my grandmother’s glove 
The ones she used to wear to mass
When I was a child in class
Reading about the Second World War
Now the urging is what it is for
As I strive to be the voice that speaks 
But there is nothing for weeks and weeks 
As the flood builds up behind the damn
Do they know who I am 
When they destroy 
Every bit of girl and boy
In the strip 
There’s a poisoned chalice and I take a sip

Fightstar

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The fightstar shines above the land
But I can’t make the people understand 
What makes this clock tick
And I’m sick of putting up with
Less than stellar behaviour
They teach you that the saviour
Is mangled and broken
But risen from the dead
But what they don’t say
Is Now is eternal instead
And the body is witnessed
And the body is watched 
And there is something that knows
The ticking of the clock
That is not governed 
By the movement of hands 
I still love indie rock bands 
As they belt out a refrain
But it’s the same story again
And I will not let him in
Coz I know he just wants to win
And have me be something to conquer
But I am all childlike and wonder
And don’t sway in the wind that he blows
Though he’s out of breath from trying, God knows

Impact

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What is the impact
Of my unemployment
Could I more than say
I don't know where the ploy went
Coz I've up and grown
And true colours have shown
But I still say
I don't know where I'm going
Does a river when it's moving 
Imagine the sea
It's like a premature 
Deciding who to be
As an oak grows upwards
From a single seed
And there are things
That we all need
From the sky to the sun
To the rain in the clouds
How many human beings
Can say that they're proud
Of the life that they're living
Of who they are 
The atoms inside us 
Were forged within a star
So know this once
And know it forever
You are the beauty
The cosmos will treasure
Every day of your life
In the depths of your soul 
Don't stop at okay
Go ahead and be whole

Vibrantly Alive

.Reading time less than 1 minute.

Peace is alive

It’s vibrating sound

It’s in the room

And it’s all around

It is the space

Within the form

It is the heat

That keeps us warm

That keeps us safe

Held in its hands

The permanent

Among the sands

Of time

That just change and wave

It is the Lord

And He will save

All of us

Come what may

There’s nothing that

You have to say

Photo by sunnie on Unsplash

Inexplicable

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
There's nothing I can say
That explains what I mean
The closest I can come to
Is that life's a dream

But that's even in the story
It's not waking up
I guess you could call it
A kind of love

But it's not static
It's dynamic and moving
Like clouds on the run
That needs no improving

And I want to say
That you should trust yourself
Don't be depending 
On anyone else

Not even on me
And the light I see
In the depths of my heart
Is where you'll always be

Not hidden away
But burning with fire
All heat from the furnace
That only gets higher

Kissing the Sky

.Reading time 1 minute.

Funny feeling that though he may not want me I am still okay
And that I can survive on the love of every day
From the plants, from the trees and nonetheless from him
For though he may deny it I know it beats within
In blood and in veins that are solid gold
But so are mine I see, though I have not been told
To look and revolutionise the vision of my palms
I am the lake, the ocean and these are my calms
No enforced stability, no discipline held high
Just the truth of a being that knows something that can’t die
And sees it in the rushing movement of the leaves
All the world is heaven to one who needs nothing to believe
And smile to myself, in a secret, silver fold
I never knew the universe was there for me to hold
In its peril and its fantasy, it’s motion and the tide
I am the evidence of the thing you’ve never tried
So sincerely honest in the feelings that maintain
That there lies beneath a sunlight that will overcome the pain

Soft Eyes and Open Heart

.Reading time 9 minutes.

Am I really this invisible to you
I am red like fire but you are a dark blue
And I really wish you were the one that got away
But you gave birth to a love that was made to stay
And I know that you’re obsessed with everything female
And you loved the feeling of losing your chainmail
But just cause you aggregate the sum total of causes
Doesn’t give you accuracy in deciphering pauses
You point out my shallows where you are deep
Sometimes the silence holds more than I know how to speak
And if you judge a fish by its tree climbing strength
Then you’ll never be aware of where the genius went
As you relegate yourself in my eyes
To an outside chance who hop scotches in lies
But the main conclusion that you assume
Doesn’t even come close to what I felt in that room
And you throw aggrandisements like silky spider thread
And it kills me to think of who you take to bed
I know that’s intrusive and I’m not a perfect saint
But I fill in the blanks of the picture you paint
To be so possessive and controlling of my heart
I never thought I’d be the one to make a mark
Or a fine hit, I will assassinate
But I already met you and now it is too late
To be crashed and burned at the hamstrings of your feet
I don’t think they get me, you know they call me sweet
And you’re the only one who really ever understood
That I have a dark side and am not wholly good
At least in this respect as you dangle the bait
I grit my teeth like you do when you make me wait
As the forest and the trees, they all shout your name
I guess that you are right, I am not the same
As I was years ago but you didn’t like
What I offered so I had to make something right
And readjust the sails on the ship that I’m steering
I’m sad you don’t like the things that you’re hearing
As I try my best but it’s falling short
And you tell me so with no remorse
But the burden falls solely into your hands
And you may not like it but you’re the guardian of these lands
In a country that is free, in a garden green
I’m not fooled by the multitudes of people you’ve been
As you promise sanity and a well balanced life
But you hide your truth behind the trenches of a wife
To blockade the arms that are hunting you down
It’s not the same since you left the town
As I wander and I weary where we used to be
And you cultivate the anchorage that keeps you at sea
When all in a moment the silence grabs us both
We are neither sun nor sand, the ocean nor the coast
And fallibility will reign on my parade
I guess I’m just startled by all you put in the shade
With your elegant light and glowing finesse
I seek you out to ease my distress
As you softly imbue your quiet refuge
With a peace I will happily drown in to prove
My loyalty to all you stand for
I’ll take all you have and then some more
The subtlety of your sincere divination
We were both supposed to be at that station
But you never came, no you never arrived
I don’t really know how I survived
The blow that hit me coming in from the west
And I asked God if this was some kind of test
That never seems to end because I never have you
I hope she makes up for what I could never do
Lie out in the openness of unhindered stars
What you had lined up for me were prison bars
Even if you don’t see it I am more than a girl
To frame the picture you take of this world
And to be dressed up for the let down, you see
I knew it would come eventually
When I couldn’t live up to what you’d idealised
I am human and hurt that everything dies
Even you and you especially so
I am not here to keep you from where you want to go
You ask it of me to be ball and chain
But the sacred feminine runs in my veins
To be lifted up and glorified
You are no the lesser because you have tried
To be a man who honours what’s whole
We’re all innocent when it comes to our soul
And laid bare and genuine when it really comes down
To someone we love to be around
And I can feel the longing you ache
The dreams that you enter are the ones I forsake
To divine will, how could one person be
The purpose of life in his mortality
Ever second guessing steps I failed to take
I was looking in your eyes when I felt you shake
And all the world collapsed out from under me
I feel like I am falling but you say I am free
And you may be right but I wouldn’t think so
Still anywhere with you I would be prepared to go
But you watched me from the sidelines like an experiment
And you would push the pulse to see where the blood went
And I know you are gentle and the fragile breaks
But I couldn’t read your mind or preempt my mistakes
That were red flagging my appearance in your mind
As you considered what it would take to leave behind
The penny you picked up dirty from the dust
I don’t know if you felt it when I leaned into the trust
That you inspired by your gentility
Others may have held back but I lacked ability
To contain what was rising from somewhere deep within
Anything that he asks I will give to him
But what I am you already are
And you can’t see yourself even if you try hard
Cause a knife can’t cut itself with its own blade
And I can’t undo the mess that I made
Revolving my inner voice as you supermassive rocket
You can’t apprehend the reason that makes something of it
And my optic nerve leads directly to my brain
And all I can think of is a particular train
And I know that you are bitter in your anxiety
But this is not one sided and you could have talked to me
A delectable flower in the field you passed
But you were blindsided and I didn’t think to ask
What was troubling you as you make your headway
To a goalpost that surpasses what transpired that day
And I wished I could have touched you in the rain
But I owed one to death and you savoured pain
So I give you your due and let it take me
Thank you for the darkness bequeathed infinitely
As I smile at the sadness in your goodbye
I think that you mean it but I don’t know why

Some Kind Of Solitude

.Reading time 3 minutes.

The silence in between the sounds expels the disaster life has pending
And though there are new beginnings I always feel like something’s ending
Imperceptible and finite and not subject to reprieve
This is not a man made illness and not just something I believe
Because there is a conquerer beyond the you or I
And its only what’s born of flesh that ever has to die
But that substantial underneath that powers the whole
Is not just a clockwork rig but the essence of my soul
The permanent, the unchanging, the unfalteringly there
There is a silence deep within where you don’t have to care
And all the travails that I sustain and the storms that I fight through
Are nothing when it comes to the inevitability of You
As I see it in the stars, or the way the planets move
That we are part of a concoction I cannot disprove
And our very consciousness, the sight behind our eyes
Looks through the infintesimal as I say my last goodbyes
To the life that I have known and steady grown up in
But effortless the letting go of what I cannot win
And the crying in the night, the tears unto the dawn
I want to realise what’s there when I am gone
And please don’t misunderstand me, no towers to the spire
Its just to walk in my own shoes expands into something higher
As what’s divine manifests in perplexity on my face
I have to know the Truth, now that I’ve had a taste
And weed out all the roots, though there is really only one
What is there left to do when all your work is done
And you lay down all the arms to protect what you have not
It doesn’t seem like much to ask but it is a lot
As I pass through the eye of what I found in the haystack
That girl is long gone and she’s never coming back
As consciously I choose to just be laid down
Awarenessing the sincerity in which I will drown
An ever pliant material that you don’t have to break
Just lead me to the precipce so that I can wake
As I leap of faith back into my home
I realise the solitude of peacefully alone