We will never be together Because I have studied the weather And it doesn’t bode well for you I know the taste of hell too But I could never do what you did Shake a knife and then hid Slink into the corner of some darkened hole Like that is the place for your soul And I reside in the light I kept trying to illuminate your night And you resolutely proud Said it once out loud That you never want to see me again And there’s only so much I will take from men And an admission of defeat Is the woman washing Jesus’ feet Like she is the downfall of man And I know you’d take power any way you can Simply because you’ve got none of your own Think you can invade my home And there will be no consequence I smiled at you and then away I went And you won’t see me at your door Not again, not anymore You could write me a sonnet or a song But it doesn’t change the way you do me wrong And the look of you in my living room Is preceded by the sound of doom And cashing out on the promise Is the part of me that keeps you honest So go love your faithful bride And forget that I am alive I’m not here to take you away From a woman that would stay Through all your tripe I kiss your memory in the candlelight
There is a fear of life and death And there is burning regret That you have not got to live it right When they take your whole life And pulverise your wanton veins So they can see the stains On the carpet when they clean it up Then have the temerity to call it love I know she doesn’t understand Though she claims she can read my hands When I do not show the deck I don’t know about truth but she knows a shipwreck And she seeks to break my bow on that hill But though she may kill All of what is alive in her And sacrifice what we were Because propriety and conformity Are part of what earned her her degree And that society That she claims deference to Is no reference to What I am And she has a plan To lead with her heat maker And cry over the ones who forsake her And lock the gate on the years behind her I believed once but something said not to mind her Living in the broken brigade So I pull the switch and sit in the shade Of the great tree I love And let the light shine on me from above I guess you could call it sanctuary From the demons they launched at me
There’s always a yearning for the male form More than just a body to keep me warm But a heart to beat outside my chest A love that knows me better than the rest And yet I stumble And it feels like love is a jungle Coz I put my whole self out there Then he tells me that I don’t care That I’m just making rhymes And that it means nothing, just a sign of the times So I retract Say, fuck that shit, and I take back What I had given free Because you will not do that to me And his face drops You would have sworn I had called the cops On his ass And nothing of my class Betrays my sigh For I will love him til the day that I die And in between When everything is a dream And plays upon the screen Of day to day His lip quivers and he is not okay But I just have to release him to her grasp Because he says we cannot last And with every attempt I make He just says that I am fake And I watch as the wave break Across the sand He wants me to understand And I do But it’s not getting through to you So I let you pass And hope sometime that your star will dart Across my sky again I give up on the realm of men
There is a witching hour And she lives like she has all the power To throw weight around And her sound Is a fearsome blame When she throws everything at my name Like it will stick And she says he’s just being a dick But I don’t believe it I saw his heart on his sleeve, it Will never escape my memory Even though their war got the best of me As they pummelled my frame Hit me like every blow was the same I will never betray Him by lying about what he say The truth spills And time kills Everything it touches Nothing there is but something fucks it Up And love Is no exception Except there is Jesus and his Resurrection That reminds me there is truth And there is not just youth But maturity I woke up to the best of me
She has to have noise Like I have to have boys Because when it gets too silent it blocks out the light And she realises she is not alright So she scrolls on her phone Even though she is all alone And somewhere in the forest of tears She finds the reason for all these years Spent in resistance to the cause Spent in fury at a life on pause And I can only dance And hope that she gets a second chance To be all she thinks she is But one thing’s for sure is that I am His And she worries the thread Frays it as she lies in bed For the trouble of what amounts To the lies that she surmounts In order to maintain a coherent frame And I cannot even mention his name Or it sets off a torrent of words To make sure the truth goes unheard And that holy bird Learns to live on a silent wing Because I gave him everything And I’m not taking it back Though they attack Me from every front and place For daring to love his face When the pretence drop And I am not The words she uses to condense Everything into the present tense It’s humiliating As if he’s just some guy I’m dating On the sly And the reason why Is more than she’s ever known She thinks she quenched it but the seeds that are sown Only flourish in the darkest earth And everything she uses to hurt Me with For being a “bitch” In modern parlance Is nothing, darlin’ I just brush it off And whisper to him “all is not lost”
The life I’ve always wanted receded into the distance And when I reached for it I only felt resistance As I confessed my secret heart He took his wound and tore me apart And with tears in his eyes He ripped into my disguise Til I stand with paper hands And look at the sands Slipping through the cracks I know we can’t go back From this I though you might kiss Me when you found out the truth Like I know you wanted to in our youth And I put you off And you splutter and cough And tell me you have no time For what I found in the diamond mine And soldered to a band of gold for you In a past life I was the one to Go down on one knee Reversed genders, same eternity And I propose a solution to the problem Because together, all of the troubles, we’d solve them And you’ve found another partner And it would hearten her If she knew how you talked behind her back And the girls that you attack In her name I don’t mean to lay the blame But is it just gonna be the same As it was two hundred years ago With your blonde hair and the way you kissed me slow
The grief crumples me like a deck of cards And no one knows how hard It got in the midst of the night And I contemplated the death of the light Coz everywhere I looked it was black And the dealer stack Everything against me My best friend resents me And that person that wants to take me down Looks like she runs this town As she commands the sea And turns the whole tide upon me And as it rushes and consumes Something pulls me from those rooms Into a place I’ve never been But somehow had already seen Maybe in a dream or through a past life And every man looks for a wife When he reaches a certain age I just reach for the page Because the immortal hue Has stopped shining from you It’s like you buried it somewhere When you say that I just don’t care And it’s impossible to get through to you So I say goodbye too As you hang up the phone Could you just leave me alone?
I'm writing something I'm proud of, it's a saga And you could just say I love the drama Of being in and out of an emotional state With boys that I don't even date But could you equate All that society requires With the way they set the fires In my heart just brimming full And there are no strings they pull Just help me to find the peace That I thought did decease With the passing of time But passion is mine And freedom and plurality And loving for eternity If life can be encased between two events The where'd you come from and where'd it went Anyway the dash Won't hold any cash You have to leave it behind It, your heart and your mind But your consciousness, where does that go Is that not the reason you exist, so It outlives time and space They appear in it and do not waste Any of themselves on a fragrant breath I'd tell you the truth but it hasn't happened yet
I was a country girl to you When you let me go And I should have let you know That there’s no far distant shore You can traverse that would make me love you no more And you’ve been closer to me than any man And you’ve access to places that no one can Get into Because I know that you Can be trusted And I think I might have been busted In New York City And it may have been a pity That the stormed never rained a cloud On a dream that would have made you proud And there are vicissitudes that lie Above the ground where we will die And fade into the earth I know it hurt But don’t let that blind you To the people that mind you From what you seek Don’t think that I am weak Just because I don’t play the fool That I used to in school To detract their eyes From my truth among the lies That abound I answer when I hear your sound
He calls me a bitch A modern day version of being a witch A vision that does not comply With someone else’s ride or die And he’s a sashay When he looks at me that way But he’s found someone else And it does no good for my mental health To stare at them both Through the windowpane of the stories you quote Me in the dark And it left a mark When you said you didn’t have the time to share With someone who would care If you let her in So I let you win And you hang up the line Somehow I know that it will be the last time We speak for a while And your smile Seems stifled prude And you act like you’re the dude On the page you play But I just pray You will grow Up and out of the mindset you know And hit me with So keep her lit And let me breathe I’m not the woman that you need
There’s a world that we live or it appears so And there are places we’re not supposed to go But we always traversed that line As though we could travel through time Back to when we begin When it was just me and him On the bus In open arms and open trust But then he turns on me And his eyes fire daggers into the sea As I’m looking through The ocean soul straight at you And I feel your pain Fall on me like acid rain And I turn away But there are things I still have to say If you would only listen But his teardrops merely glisten Like his skin in the sun Before I knew he was the one That would father my child Out in the wild Of what we were And you looked at her With sadness in your gaze And I wish I could save You from your embark But you shoot at me in the dark As though I’m the enemy Instead of the one trying to steady The ship you roll on every wave And the glass is clear but you pave Over the ceiling with concrete stone And you make someone else your home And that would be fine If you hadn’t stole my time In a whisper at the break of day And I am okay But I’m not great But I don’t hate You at all I just say goodbye to the wall You face in my direction All of this because of your selection In a different time Is loving you my only crime?
I think what it would be like to marry my man And know that I can Touch him anytime I want And not live in the daydream haunt Like a house that no one lives in When did it become about men and women And the politics therein He calls me a bitch and I just look at him Like the punk he is And the junk he’d kiss If only he could get close enough Tells me that this is love But we both live in a world on fire And it never seems to tire Of reminding us both That we live by the coast On a foreign shore If we think we love each other more Than the next pair And I stare At her hair As it flows over her shoulders And its as though she could roll boulders Away from the mouth of the tomb And I wonder if there would be room For me in that gigantic heart of hers Lost in memories and what we were’s But it doesn’t bring them back And the next country attack Us for what we represent How could hell be heaven sent If what they say is true The proof is in the pudding, do you Eat it so you know it’s good Or are you still lost in the wood That seem to shelter your storm But the heat of the fire is still warm And it burns like your soul As it welds me back to whole In our iron and wine She looks into my eyes and I am fine
Would you fight and die Would you live the lie As they sell you war and peace Then you watch your love decease On the storm front of another day And I didn’t make it that way I’m just calling it as I see it I couldn’t ever grow to be it As Colin said that Africa’s a drain on society And my blood boils through my sobriety Because those kids are living and dying And no one knows they’re even trying Or like that time Naiomi said Something about the way she felt about the ones who were dead And I want to smack her full in the face For all that she just lets go to waste And we may only be fourteen But it’s old enough to wake to the dream And I know there’s violence within me I can feel it breathe when there’s no one looking at me And I scream freedom into the air But it doesn’t start out there You can’t build your inner harmony On bricks you throw at your enemy But it startles my soul How some people get old With the bitterness inside And my pride Burns my skin Til I let it go into the arms of Him He who would take all from me Leave me with nothing and just let it be Now I hear the screams from the strip And hear the rifles they equip With bullets to end a life Do they wonder if she was someone’s wife When they take her down And it was years ago I wanted to drown Because I couldn’t bear the weight Of all the accumulated hate That seemed to weigh on me Someone I love is dead and there’s an Iraqi Girl somewhere on the planet Who’s lost and alone and dammit I won’t let this go to the wall I used to not be this tall But now I’m thirty three And there is more that can come from me Than just a woeful gaze I am no white woman to save Populations from their demise It’s just I see myself in their eyes And I must admit my skin Was nothing to the British who’s politics merely skim What they did here A few short years ago I guess as a humanity we learn slow That we are all people Mosque or steeple We live under the same God And our bodies go back to the same sod To nourish what is yet to come As we succumb To a passing age It’s all I can do to control my rage And write it on a page If there’s merit to the sage She must be a force for good I breathe out and the trees in the wood Breathe me in When is it time for Love to begin
In the land where death is real People lie and people steal People cheat and people thieve But it’s all coz they believe In a sudden end and in separation It is reinforced by years of education Not only in the school But by social rule Where they must obey Everything their elders say Only to grow up to be A repetition endlessly Instead of creative and new And everything they swore they would do When they were five years old No one has to be told To be pilot, to be king To be bird upon the wing But you have to be sold On being bad, on being “bold” And every child knows The phrase that everything goes The way it should be I love eternity As it presents myself Amidst “mental health” Challenges, they say I’m crazy But you know it doesn’t phase me When I’m twenty eight and in Dean Swift But the captivity was a gift As they try to sit me down And say that I will drown In all that is unwell It’s a byword for hell But I just don’t buy Everything they try To sell It’s a secret I never tell But I’m soaring high Something can never die And I will go to the lowest low If it means that someone else’s dreams Will wake before they shake By the bones and skin It’s not foolhardy to trust in Him He who moves the sky into spacious understanding He who shows the way without ever demanding That you should follow suit Oh, the world that we pollute With our constant pain That falls as acid rain Or bombs upon the children Instead of heartfulness to fill them With hope and with pride And gratitude that they’re alive I’m sorry to say That going the wrong way Means you must repent And all things are heaven sent Until you realise That every time someone cries It’s an echo of the sound That means God is around To show you where the deep Is something you can keep I didn’t know that I Was blessed until my Whole world was shaken But just like in a dream I waken And suddenly realise That nobody dies Not in the way we think But you don’t know water until you drink From that holy font It is everything I want And everything I never knew to ask I just dropped the mask And all was revealed I guess you could say that I was healed
I watch the Palestinian children die And why do I get to cry When their eyes are dry And a parent weeps over the corpse While soldiers laugh with no remorse And the commanders drop another bomb Where has our humanity gone Do we not see ourselves in the other See our sister and brother In every battered storm front of war And I just look at her And see the death that I know The pain life has visited upon me slow That must be experienced by the masses Or as they’re designated - the lower classes While I sit and sup my tea Knowing full well that it could be me If I lived a hundred and eighty years ago When the British starved us slow To death And there is a memory that does not forget It’s held like generational pain And I resonate with the acid rain That falls from white phosphorus plumes Into lungs and living rooms And burns into skin and sears People with images of those they hold dear Suffering and crucified In every single one who’s died Is the hidden heat Of the love that makes my heart beat And no claims of anti-semetic Can make me subscribe to the rhetoric That justify the claims of war When the dust settles what will all this be for And will we survive another spin of the wheel That makes us deny what we feel So we are capable of The worst of what I’ve listed above
I’m standing in the heat And I feel the power of us meet As we are seventeen and eighteen I learned that every dream I ever had Could be tied to feeling bad Because it all gets taken away from me One way or another by time or indignity And you were sent like a saint Now it’s my blood you use to paint Your facebook page And I feel a certain scent of rage Colour my cheeks That you think I’m weak And need the help of my family When I’ve always rebelled at what they wanted from me Now I’m held like a noose As though I’m the golden goose That must be prized in case she is set loose By her own hand But I wouldn’t worry, I am grand And have no intention to jump from a cliff It’s all held in a what if And the march of time Can steal everything but what’s mine God plucked me from the sea When dying was all that was left of me And I fought my way to the shore Gasping and what’s more I was tired and wrecked And something woke while I slept And in the bathroom I couldn’t bear To look in a mirror that would tear Who I was to pieces Coz everything that’s born deceases And my grandmother just left this earth And I can’t seem to bear the hurt I was fourteen And my scream Was silent and unheard Except by that holy bird Who alight on my shoulder And somehow roll away the boulder In the mouth of the tomb I find my Jesus and resume My prostrations at the feet of my Lord It’s not over till you hear the spoken Word Made flesh And every regret Falls to the floor As I worship what I was born to adore
What is the call of New York And why is there a fork In the road and on the table And I am not able To leave it all behind Even if I must go out of my mind Or be labelled as such Because I love you so much And I couldn’t be there when you died Because the man asked me how I am and I cried So I got locked up in St. Pat’s again And it may be the will of men To contain what they don’t understand But I look at you and you just say “it’s grand, I won’t leave you a grá mo chroí” And even though my broken knee Falls to the floor I know there’s more Than just screaming into the air “She’s not there, she’s not there” And it was all I could do not to hit my head off the wall And they console me but I fall Into their lap and rebel against the constraint Of being okay with the colour she paint Because everyone has their own way But I must do what she say If I’m not to be medicated And I may be educated But it has been the work of my life To make sure I don’t become a wife And go down with the ship Or the forests that they equip With cutting trees And the birds and the bees Buzz around my head But I would give it all up just to lay in bed And mourn And look forlorn Because all that shattered glass Never got me an A in class It only ever drew blood Now I’m standing in the wood Trying to catch the soul that escape And the red cape Couldn’t stop the passage of time And my only crime Was trying to pause the air Now I look at your chair and you’re not there
I dreamed about you last night You were as fragile as a butterfly And it was like in real life I just had to watch you die And yet you do not leave me here You kiss me like you always did, dear On my forehead or on my cheek And when I used to feel weak I would run to your side I would hide And then let you find me And you didn’t mind me Being a little bit strange And all the peace rearrange To atoms that say that you are gone But your song Will have life as long as I am breathing You were always something I was needing As I would lie into you And at fifteen I watched you Washing the dishes at the sink And all I could do was think Of what would happen the day you died If I would break like waves of tears I cried And I insulated myself Under the veil of mental health Because I can’t shatter again And there are legions of men Who would take my hand And make me “understand” What true love means But it’s insubstantial as the stuff of dreams And you are wholly really And even though you’ve left I still feel You in my veins and blood Like when I was lying in the wood And I felt the soul of the trees Kiss me when I’m on my knees And I know that your prayers save me Even when I cave, we Will always be a two by two And it’s not up to someone forgetting you It’s something that you always are You are not on some far distant star You are in my heart And in this instant we are not apart
I get slated for being emotional and sincere There was that time I told you I hold you dear And you attacked and ripped my hands Away from your paper thin heart and the sands Flow out of your hourglass As you try to make a thing last That never will Because time will kill The bodies that you preserve And the girl that you serve Must one day kiss you for the last time And my only crime Was knowing there will come a day When one or the other of us will go away And I can’t speak forever when I see the horizon And I don’t know what you have your eyes on As you stare into space Meanwhile I just stare at your face Looking at the grass And time will pass But something stays the same There is a love that will not lay the blame Not even when your dripping venom Tries to make an enemy Of me Then return to eternity Where it can fester its wound I saw it all and the doom Ate me up from the middle And the best part of me may be hidden But you can find it if you look You don’t have to do anything by the book You swear by And I hear you cry In my dreams How does a man come apart at the seams When you just tell him the truth That you idolise our youth And that time will also be the proof Of what cannot be destroyed We are not just girls and boys We are immortal souls Water though the wave rolls And breaks onto the land I wonder if I take your hand Would you be a friend Coz true love will never end
The tears that flow It’s been nearly twenty years since you let go And people tell me to move on But how do I ignore the space where you’re gone A beacon of love and trust And I know they just aren’t fussed Coz to lose a grandmother is par for the course Something common, like weddings and divorce But no one told me what it would be like to have you ripped From the fortress I had equipped With everything I had So nothing bad Could happen And you were just napping In the kitchen when Rocky lay down by the settee And I had had fourteen years when you showered love on me And I know I am closer to the grave Than the point that could save You from the monsters that eat your soul But somehow I know that Jesus made you whole And the cancer spreads I’m crying in bed But there’s nothing I can do I can’t heal you At least not yet But there’s something I will never forget Like when you told me good things come to those who wait And I trudge through the hate Coz I know your advice is true And there was wisdom that had its home in you And you made rhubarb tart for us all I take a place by the wall But you wink at me And save the biggest piece and for free You offer me the whole damn world I’ll always be your girl
The broken record plays the tune And I dance coz I’m the only one in the room And it’s effervescent gold But I still do what I’m told When they get the whip and chain And scream like they’re making it rain When they bellow at me But it only fans the fire sacramentally As I kneel in the temple of my own being And no one can take away what I’m seeing Like that boy I professed my soul to He told me where to go but you Can’t make me leave home Even if you leave me there all alone It’s my house anyway And though I’m sad that you couldn’t stay I’m not gonna make you play Some game that means you do what I say If you don’t want to Go do you And go do her I don’t know what we were If the whole time You were living the crime You kept from me And our history Is a greyed out, redacted document Kept in the file of “once heaven sent”
Her heart shatters like glass Like images of our past When I am eighteen years old Listening to the stories they’ve told And it’s “Brothers and Sisters” on the screen As I try to hold onto all I had been All this time But it breaks apart everything that’s mine And I found I couldn’t speak I thought it was coz I was weak And depressed and schizophrenic They told me the car just needs a mechanic And she gets out a wrench And that year I wasn’t on the bench I was the captain of the team When we won on the field of dreams And I wrote out the speech I would make to the girls Before we would live like we were each other’s world And my sister told me not to over think it But we won the cup and now we drink it Every single time the water flows There is something that never goes And I’m sure they think I don’t care Because I walked out of there But it was just because I saw The way that the law Could be bent in our favour And I am nobody’s saviour But I will let the light flow through me Like I did in the years when time was free And we wore yellow and blue I don’t know if you know that you Mean so much to me Spanish for beautiful and infinity
The secret store Are all the stories I kept before I found a blank page To hold all my rage And people are multifaceted I don’t think she acted it When she told me to go fcuk myself That day in her presence And the mark still leaves a crescent Shaped bite on my arm I never thought she would harm Me in that way But that’s the price you pay For loving the games you play And leaving it all on the field The way the fortress might yield If I could bridge the gap But I never could read the map That led to the heart of her And I could write mountains about what we were But am I just looking to the past For a mast I can use to set sail And does my courage fail When she stares at me down the barrel of the gun Like she’s got a single shot and I am the one The bullet is for And a closed door Hurts more than the blood in my veins Pouring out of me like the rains Upon the ground I know He didn’t get it so I said it slow But nothing caught on And he tells me he is gone But I see his shadow at the door When he thinks the light won’t catch him anymore
The boat rocked when the wave shook me to my core And I kindly showed her to the door When she took out the dagger and it caught the light And I could see in the night That she never wished me well And it rained holy hell On my town I contemplated what it would be like to drown In a nearby lake Would she come to my wake Like the whole community does when someone dies Then someone’s loved one cries And I couldn’t do that to them But I wouldn’t like to be back there again Because it was as pitch as the blackest dark And it left a mark The scar is what I cherish now Because the truth got to me somehow And I don’t understand the Lord but he saved my life And he doesn’t want me to just be a wife And surrender and go down Like everyone does everywhere around It’s like you hit thirty And everything you thought was dirty Suddenly looks so damn appealing And there were comics that I was stealing The day I followed a trail And I swore my soul was not for sale But I danced on the edge of a cliff Balancing on a what if And it mattered to me less than naught But what if I get caught So I commit myself to an institution Maybe they can straighten out my convolution And I’ve always had a strong constitution But it doesn’t hold up under this pressure There’s nothing like a doctor to stress ya Especially when they’ve got all the power But I am not one to cower So I just run to the sea But they’re still watching me As I find a corner of the room That doesn’t sink with the sound of doom That echoed around that place And I couldn’t show my face To anyone at all I just remember the length of the hall When you’re walking it alone And they’ve taken my phone So I follow Sinéad and pace the route But they jot down that I follow suit And it’s all just a case study to them And they assure me it will happen again If I forsake the pills And the bending of my wills But I’m about done with this I’m still thinking about Jack’s kiss
It’s impossible to stay angry at you When you flick that gaze at me And I swore that it would be us For eternity But the dials switched and changed The atoms rearranged And it seemed like our history Would stay in the past Like me getting all those A’s in class And they called me names Like all I am is brains And Deirdre, she cut me down Made me wanna run clear outta that town And she would pick away at me Til I had enough and infinity Isn’t far enough to be away from her Even though I mourn what we were And I know her depths go unknown And some of them were shown To me too And there were parts that were true But the lies they perforate And before I know it it’s that date Again And men Seem like my only salvation As I make x and y balance the equation And I thought I had struck gold In the ground or at the end of the rainbow You turned out to be the same as her though It was all shits and giggles But the next thing the girl wriggles And you’re gone And I say so long To all that I thought you were Enjoy the business you have with her I’m sure it’s mighty fine But just don’t try to waste my time Saying you’re my friend When I only ever saw the end Of what you were trying to sell And I wish you both well But I’m not gonna gallop that pony And I could be wrong but you’re full of baloney
How about goodbye And you made me feel like I wanna die So I close the door Pretend I don’t love you anymore But I do It’s always you Amid the curtains pulled And the pain, it dulled As the years passed But I wanted it to last So I would have something to hold onto But your love stuck like glue In my heart And though we are miles apart And time and space None of it is gone to waste Because I would do it a thousand times over Just to find your four leafed clover Growing in the grass And I loved to learn in class But nobody taught me a lesson like you I’m just not sure I wanted to Let you go And I know That everyone dies And the child cries When her grandfather passes And it’s the wisdom of the masses To mourn and then move on But there is a hole where he is gone And nothing can repair it I dare it To swallow me whole But my soul Just grows more vast And life asked Me to be free So I let go and eternity Came to kiss my lips In the middle of an eclipse Where all was night But in the darkness shone a light And nothing can drench it Nothing can quench it No pulling thread Can unmake where I made my bed
Watching a father watch his children die And I don’t even cry It’s like I’ve been desensitised Because are they even alive If their skin isn’t white And I know it’s all shite But they believe it’s true They don’t see me in you Anymore And every closed door Is an opening somewhere else Your health is your wealth And I watch it wane But I fear death in vain Because a light has come on And once it does the darkness is gone And the midnight ensue Is nothing to the colours of you As they fly on the wall What is it at all That makes the world go round In the absence of sound And eternal flame Is the Word the same as its name
Will you ever know how much you mean to me Did you know you were a dream set free Into the open expanse I watch the leaves dance In the wind And have we sinned By leaving the door open You were barely coping When I swung in the gate And your hate Is rocket fuel Do you live the dual Race to the bottom But I haven’t forgotten The way you just move with the breeze And on my hands and knees I pray to the God you were Before I found out you were with her
The epic story of the oddessying hero If you want a race I’ll make it to zero Before you do if I find the words I’ve my feet on the ground but I’m away with the birds And I found myself locked in a room They tell me I’ll be out pretty soon But it’s like they’re caging the beast And it’s roaring for a feast Tearing me to pieces inside I drop the walls I used to hide And all of the people were magnificently pure And I’m integrity that just endure As they’re listing reasons I’m not well But I’m full of a secret I daren’t tell As I wonder why the guy is wearing shades As we meditate upon a page And it’s like a story that’s never been told I wonder will I weather it when I get old Or will these days leave a track On skin that can’t take it back And I’m always waiting for her to care But she just shakes me outta her hair And tells me it’s for the best So I set sail on my own quest And if I’m a hero why do I die On my own with a sigh Then pull myself up onto my knees To answer all the pleas I hear in my mind I wonder at the life I left behind And if anyone will set out on my track Coz, Lord knows, I’m not coming back And I’m weary but I’m also full of hope The kind of optimism that copes With every setback that waylays And I’ve learned to take a grain of salt on days As it meanders in a thousand ways Across plains and by open bays Into the avenues I know And this train never slows Only takes me by the hand and shows The light the window throws And if you’re indifferent to my plight You gotta know that I’m alright
I’m not going making an enemy out of you Not even if the whole world wants me to And you’ve got the force of the women’s cause And I’m on a stereo hitting pause Because I can’t cope with what I see That you had her as well as me And I know it’s lame and it’s a whole joke And I can’t get by on what I wrote But I see you sometimes in the air And feel the space where you’re not there And everything’s like an answered prayer And you’re the angel by which I’d swear But the mountains roll down to the sea And I am nothing if not free Of everything you got to be I don’t know if you were looking for eternity But it was forever on the grass Just the kind that doesn’t last And you were the rain that lashed And all the diagrams that smashed But somehow you made a different choice And I decided to hide my voice In the realms of empty pages I’ve written odes to the ages Up against an empty wall And I was running down the hall Just to catch the trail of you Til I realized you don’t want me to So I just stop and stand still Feel the force of all that will Strive to keep heaven away But it’s one shore I can’t hold at bay And the march of time just goes on Will there be a day when we’re both gone Or does something just endure I call it the wave of pure Consciousness that just abides There are oceans that survive The still and empty way you move And if love is just a point we prove Then there’s nothing left to lose I don’t have a choice but it’s you I choose
So I guess his girlfriend hates me now Because I let him in and allow Him to take me to dance Give love at first sight a second chance And I won’t refuse him If he knocks on my door Prove to God Who loves him more And I know you’ve made him happy And I don’t envy the task But there is still so much I’ve got to ask You both coz I wanna be friends With the two of you Don’t doubt that I love you too Some kind of sister In the scene You were his twenty something dream And I can only catch a glimpse of him Through the photographs in which I swim That you took And I wrote a book About the way feelings clash Hot and cold fronts, smoke and ash But I don’t want a showdown with fragrant air I’m glad that you were there To catch his tears and resound his laughter And you’re cute but I know what you’re after As you fool a second glance In a sort of romance But you gotta know I gotta say That I’ve loved him In every way Picked up the crumbs he dropped on the path Be the beauty in the aftermath And I don’t want an enemy Or someone taking swipes at me I just want to kneel as I confess I envy you in that dress And all that I missed out in the fire You’re burning earth on the pyre And I’m sure a furnace or two Knows the depths and breadth of you And you look at each other But he is my soul brother And I gotta let him know Let the love show In the diagrams refract Is it okay if I come back And be the mirror to reflect Not something circumspect But deep blue truth That professed secrets of our youth And he used to be an emotional kid And I was straight laced, he took the lid Off of all I can’t contain I’m singing summertime in the rain As we share each other’s speech And he’s tall and got reach And I know in his secret heart He has held onto you I know what he wants to do And I can’t escape From the flash of a red cape As it floats in the mirror And I was so blind I didn’t see her As I made an overview of you I mapped the things that you could do And I give up the fight Coz I wanna be a good person and alright And I feel if you knew all there was to know There is no way you would ever go I keep hidden the best part of me But I’m opening up so you see All that’s left of what we were It’s not a matter of me or her
It’s a grievance, this hate that’s burning inside And my gratitude for being alive Is unsustained And it rained On the sunniest day Everyone asking if I was okay But I can’t have you Though it’s not as if I even wanted to And you’re far away I only came to say I think you’re awesome, okay And you fire back a retort I guess you were a little short In the olden days And there are so many ways I can’t have you At least not like you wanted me to And I sigh Is forever just a long goodbye As the darkness calls Leads us down miscellaneous halls To where it all began And I ran For my life You want a wife And I’m all open seas You’ll never get me on my knees Begging to hold The absence of which you scold Like a never say die I know I caught your eye It’s just your heart is free And I don’t want it to capture me And let all my toil Simply going off the boil Because this love is real And there are things that will heal If you want them to If you let me I will hold you In my steady gaze I don’t need no hero to try and save Me from what I already am I guess it’s less without a plan
Is she just a fake ass bitch Or am I the judge and just rolling with it Like a ball down the hill It’s good weather so take your fill Of all the summers that you missed I found the photo where we kissed For the very first time And no crime Could ever amount to the trouble you gave There is nothing left to save As I keep my best for another day And I still like you okay Even though faraway is green You still hold the keys to dream Out into another sphere You’re far away but very near And close in my heart Don’t start To berate me once more So, I’m not something you adore And the store Don’t hold the half Of the feeling of you waking my laugh Up from inside And I hide Away in folds and creases You look at me and the grim releases What had been held so true I’m just wishing for some time with you Some ages or some years Some eons and some tears To cry with a happy note You’re my favorite one to quote When everything is flowing with the breeze Living a life of unconquerable ease In the lush growth I am quiet so I left a note To tell you I am here And that I love you, dear
I keep holding out For the Divine Death The one that time Cannot forget You can all it enlightenment You can call it liberation But I woke up From my own education Only to go on Picking up stones Going from place to place And calling it home And I’ve always been a rambler Out for adventure But I’m struggling With my own self censure Coz there are lines With which you do not agree And I can only point it out I can’t make you see And you’re drinking Bottled water from the tap And I keep wondering What are you at But it’s a mystery to me All these flicking pages And I’ve been wandering For ages and ages Trying to catch your trail As it winds through the undergrowth I’m tired walking The less travelled road Searching for something I cannot find Missing what I’ve left behind
It’s one to remember This night we’re losing our clothes I know that you weren’t The path I chose But I still feel So entwined And I’ve a tendency To call you mine As you break out in laughter It’s a sudden joy I think I’ve fallen In love with a boy As he innocently regales Me with tales Of him at the pit I didn’t know back then But this is It And I’ve found my shore The holy one that I adore And years pass Like we’re flicking a canvas Like you’re wearing shoes And holding up like Atlas And I know you’ve a woman And I respect her claim But I still love The sound of your name Against mine And we’re just wasting time Getting lost in love And the Holy Spirit is a dove To come down on me Do you think we could be Or is it just something I have to let go It’s not kosher, I know And you’ve got so many flaws And my winter never thaws To break out into spring But I would give you everything If you don’t think to ask I’ll let you in, at last
A full grown woman in my thirties It’s something I never wanted to be It smacks of decay and ingenuity And they want me to confirm their lies But growing up means your spirit dies If you conform to identity And let them make a role of me And she shouts me down So I start to drown In all they don’t want me to know They scream to just let him go But how do they not see He and I are one eternally Somewhere in a field afar We are joined underneath a star And we may never be a heteronormative pair He’s restrictive and I don’t care About the might he threatens to unleash I could always sense the beast That hid beneath the calm facade And this is not about making you feel bad It’s about trying to express the truth of my soul But they just smack me til my eyes roll And I pull myself out of that shit They’re not the cycle I’m spinning with
Death comes to take everything I love And I lose the glove I wore when I was younger and blue And it was all I could do to hold onto you But I had to let you go your own way Because there’s nothing that I can say To stem the tide Of that which cannot abide In the tome of fate I never gave in to hate But I couldn’t hold the love you carry And the boy I want to marry I ran him off Because I couldn’t pay the cost That it would require And now the whole world is on fire With the hate that burns As the aching turns It on its axis and spin And once I was with him But things change and so did he So I let go and now I’m free
We could all be under earth pretty soon Am I the only one who hears the noise in the room When it’s silent as hell And there’s all these people wishing me well But I can’t help but feel that it all pull asunder The rattling windows to the sound of thunder As it all caves in And who would win When the triumph is naught It’s like some disease that we’ve caught That makes us capable to kill And at will The degenerate Comes to pull apart the state Of affairs and of the mind I swore I would leave no one behind
I just wanna die with you It would be perfect poetry Romeo and Juliet and their symmetry As forces try to pull us apart But they can’t kill what is all heart And tomorrow is a day no one can promise But you looked in my eyes and you were honest As you spilled truth like rain And I just wanna stand in the waterfall again As it brushes my skin I was never at home til I met him And suddenly the sky Turns and I must watch my lover die On the battlefield But the victory goes to the one who yield But for all the weight of my storm I could only ever keep you warm For a certain length of time And now all I’ve left of you Is something made of us two Growing under my skin I could never replace him With someone new I just wanted you To know the truth The prisoner and her youth
There’s a war in the chat bots And it’s all about taking shots And not seeing each other’s points of view I adopt the one that you Profess that you own But now I’m grown I’ve been born and raised And its something that I’ve praised I don’t need no sea to open I don’t need to get by on coping I need to release my hands and see That in the realm of grey mystery There is a fleck of colour In the absence something fuller Makes itself known And though the game may have been thrown Something still resides in my soul It’s more than an ad at the Super Bowl
I’ve learned not to fight with the feminists They never seem to get the point It seems more about our differences Than the ways that we are joined And the women wanted to join the march But their shirts weren’t made of starch So they couldn’t play I watched them turn the floats away Because if you stand in the way Of Roe V. Wade You can guess the dragon that will be slayed And I know it goes against the grain But I cannot triumph the rain When it falls upon bitter hands Who claim that they own the lands When they only till the field And the feminine must yield To the greater flow of life That doesn’t mean I’d be a wife Or subservient to a man But I just never can Let myself believe That I grieve Over sufferings that mean nothing at all And when you talk to the wall It does not talk back So I walk away with all I lack And leave that shit behind They don’t control this mind
There is the fear that death could separate us And that I have to rush to you To profess my love Til above Reaches in its hand And takes away my only man The only one I’ve ever sought To give myself to beyond the taught And you are serene and beautiful But your skin’s as thin as cotton wool And the people are all saying I’m crazy But it doesn’t faze me I just take a step back And their affection feels like an attack On summer wine As they take my time And make it theirs Hands up if anyone cares I know they will say they’ve got the best of intentions It’s just that they never mention You, anymore And I wonder if that closed door Has slammed shut If only I could get out of this aperture of slut As they all seek to cling Coz, God knows, they’d hold onto anything And I open out my palm As the bell rings an alarm In the hall of calling like it is And is it a surprise that I’m still his In spite of the battleship That is equipped Somewhere along the shore To hammer at my door Like a man knocking on my breath But it hasn’t opened to him yet
There is crippling instability at my core I try to balance what I adore On the scales But a part of me rails And tries to decide That I no longer want to be alive If it means that I’m not with her Always wondering what we were And she hates me now but I feel her breath Whispering “do not forget” All that we are And she says I am her star No black hole But the measure of her soul And she calls to me Across the sea Of forever in between Am I crazy or is this a dream I just cannot wake from All I love will someday be gone And ripped to shreds This is what I think of when I lay in bed
The fluctuation hit me like a ton of bricks And now I am in bits As she sails to another sea Never knowing the weather she visited on me And it’s like a plume You can tell it’s been in the room Because there is a fume That wafts And you could say she’s daft But it’s more than that She’s caught in a wave she can’t take back As she bullets into the sky And I wonder if I would’ve died If I’d met her on the road Because she never slowed In her speech And she is out of reach As I extend The part of me that would mend A sensory organ But I can’t get a word in As it rocks us back and forth And the worst part of a divorce Is you never see that person again Not in the same way, not women and men I wish her well Because I know the hell She is living in I also know that I cannot win When that’s in control God bless her and ease her soul As it beats against the cage it’s kept in I wonder does she know Him In her darkest day All the same I wouldn’t want to get in her way When she’s on the wrong side of the beach I think it’s the lesson she came to teach
He’s trying to get power any way he can Coz he lost it all when she lost her man To the facade of budding away Isn’t that what they all say About midnights come the dawn And he will swear he did nothing wrong But I watched her on her hands and knees Trying to find something in which to believe And she was ashen framed And you like the structure of he who must not be named In the sea She rolled with me But the forest burned down Now I just watch you leave the town Over and over Searching for your four leafed clover
The false circuitry Has the current running in circles around me And you could say it’s electricity But it’s just as likely to abandon me Like everyone did When everyone ran and hid And they committed me to St. Pat’s And I committed to never coming back Because how do you return from a sojourn In the realm of the forlorn Where people tear out their hair And the worst thing you can do is care And feel everything “That girl has a broken wing” And there’s a demon stalking these halls I can feel him through the walls Of my cage Rocking back and forth for an age It’s a wonder I don’t fall away And just fall for what they say When they tell me I am unwell And that there’s no such thing as hell But once I mention that word I watch the nurse quake in her boots at what she heard And I must be quiet and say nothing at all Because somehow I am answering the call And I sit in the office just discussing my state I don’t mention I wanna taken Stephen on a date Coz he is so damn cute Couldn’t be more like the proof That heaven is real As he tries to steal Me away from the long arm of the law And I wonder if I should let on I’m in the midst of the Great Thaw
The darkness of the night is very near And it was an education in fear When they taught me about the man in black And that I must be wary of an attack I still remember the moment it made an impact Cut to the future and I jacked When I saw that same abyss again And instead of a god, it was men And I ran and ran Because only the truth can Catch up to me And the scenery is no match for me As I turn a blind eye On what it is to die In the midnight of the day And they tell me it’s okay I ask the doctor if the devil is real Because hell is sure what I feel When I’m looking in the mirror And I barely hear her When she say that she don’t know She says she’ll help me though And she’s from India so I trust in where this is gonna go
The wrench I try not to feel Coz it means I’m mentally ill if I cannot deal With the wave that races to the shore And it crushes everything I adore And all are sandcastles, all are water I’m just a lost, lonely granddaughter Who may never see you again And you were the best of men Though something whispers to me that you are here Closer than close and ever near And I look for it in their eyes But all I ever see is the disguise That hides you from me They equate eternity With what they can know With their mind, so I pull away Because I know you cannot stay Not here, not with me You are free And I unlock the chains That keep you incumbent to the rain And all the aching that I feel Is the only thing that is real As I run to St. Pat’s And they dutifully hit me with baseball bats Til I can’t feel the grief They must replace the belief With a shallow kind of pain The kind that has people squint with strain And say, sure isn’t that the way But I return to the bay As it opens out onto the Pacific And I have to say it’s fuckin’ terrific And lays all my shreds bare Til there’s nothing left to tear And my dress may be ruined But I think God knows what He’s doing When he says to me I will take away the temporary So you can know the permanent How could hell be heaven sent?
She’s buried under the weight of timber And she calls me a sinner For what she cannot see That it has devastated me And he looks at me that way And there’s so much I want to say But I can’t and now it’s never That’s the hard part of forever It doesn’t let go And so I let the waves rise up To overflow the cup Of water I’ve been drinking They say that it’s overthinking But somehow it feels more real And it’s just that she cannot deal With her own grief she fires at dart at me And I don’t have the heart to let it be I storm up a flame and turn away Go deaf to everything she say Coz it’s all a repetition Of something she learned in some edition Of something she read And I never said What I meant But when I sent That letter true I thought it would deliver to you But it must have missed the mark Now I’m just swinging swords in the dark And hoping to connect With a dream I seem to have wrecked With my steady brutality Oh, the weight of what’s been placed on me Is a blessing true And all of this because I lost you
I watch the images of bombed out bars And burnt out cars On city streets And I know that the heat Is born from a fervour deep and true I feel it in me and I see it in you And somehow peace has found a way To hold and that’s the order of the day It’s been 800 years And so many women have cried tears Over lost sons And I could be the one To finally unpeel The way they made our nation feel As they circumscribe the land And say this must be tilled by hand And no more than so many yards I don’t even know how hard It must have been And my dream Has been rocked Like the walls made up by people locked In Connemara by the rule of the day To hell or to Connaught, isn’t that the way And we can bark orders and we can make decrees But that Ireland isn’t me It’s something other It’s living and breathing for your brother And dying with hands crushed together Nowadays we just complain about the weather But the sadness is embedded in the roots Of the great tree that began as shoots From the fertile soil I feel my blood boil When someone talks about English rule The things they taught us in school About how to bend and break And why they did it for our sake And we must be respectful, too Because they are human just like you Then someone utters a word And just like that the bird Of hatred is born Because the fire of fear is still warm And glowing embers Not everyone knows but the heart remembers Even when the mind forgets And it’s not over yet Not till the trauma storm Has made the people realise they warm Their hands on the coals of the past And in some ways people are classed In the stratosphere I feel the time near When we must stand up and be counted Oh, what has it amounted To but this Heaven is in the first kiss
The Poetry Book 