Could I promise you forever if you don't even want to be here Do you not think I can see, my dear And I try to be gentle and I try to be kind But, darling, sometimes you are out of your mind And you swing for the fences out of anger and brutality And I wouldn't survive that mentality But I would be there to catch your tears I would stand by your side for years But I won't stand for being broken and bruised I won't stand for being nationalistically used By a man who wants to be something real But can't bear the way he feels When the weather starts to rain Though I tell him again and again The only way out is through And both I and the Spirit will be with you In the moment of Now You are not broken and somehow I think you know I am not letting go Not in four hundred million centuries Or for forays I could have into the unknown And we may have grown But have we stayed the same You did say that you've changed And who am I to call out the lie There's a part of you that does not die And it's the part I loved way back when It's what I love now and what I will love again So how can you say you're a different hue What did you think I saw in you I backed away from your rage You unleash it again and I turn the page And you think that it's you that says goodbye But it's I that will not let you try
I'm walking on eggshells around you Because of the darkness that surrounds you And I'm scared you could take it too far And tip the edge of the bar A scale to far to bear And I'd have to watch the fabric tear On the dream I had of you and I I don't want you to die But I guess it's not in my hands Not since you said I don't own those lands Not since you said you don't have the time To give me what's rightfully mine So I took the ring and slipped it back on my finger I left the room and the singer Seemed to announce my freedom I didn't realise I could leave him Alone and together at the same time And I guess my only crime Was seeing the truth a little too clear And that his mechanics run on fear And servitude But I would never want that in a dude To be leashed by a ball and chain I want to dance in the rain And kiss by the light of the moon Move like we're the only ones in the room Be one beyond union Never wonder "what are you doing?" But instead pause to surrender To wake and remember Exactly what we are Take him driving in my car But he took hot sauce and smashed the windows He'd hurt me and they're worried but I won't let him in though And he bays and he brews And it's always bad news On the radio when I tune in And I don't want to ruin him I want to be free and I wish him the same I won't take his second name Or marry what I thought I loved But was that what you were thinking of When you looked at me Or do I know what it is you see As you bare your teeth Then I put my arms around you on the street And you're soft as a daffodil Flower sitting on the windowsill And my heart skips out of my chest And I wonder why it loves you best And fast forward all these years There's been a lot of shouting and tears But as the storm front clears I think he finally hears My song as I sing it I'm the leader and and I bring it
I wanna be the boss or the queen And it was someone else's dream To rule the boardroom I just couldn't commit to the doom Of giving your life to a job I only thought of all the things that it could rob You of And love Has always held itself in between the lines And I sing the refrain a thousand and one times But I still see myself as king Even though he never gave me a diamond ring To buy the status that I love And he is just a tattered glove On the floor of the car As I become what we are In my mind I left the man behind And found the serene The unconditional beyond the scene That is hitting play in my soul I just watch as the credits roll On the movie of my life And I am nobody's wife Because I could feel his pulverised tension And the hatred that was an extension Of all he never got to be He would've thrown me into the sea If he would've had the chance I only ever wanted to dance And hold his hand as we'd move Not fight for a point to prove Or hold me like I was something he could lose And I felt his energy Try to throw me Up against the wall of the venue As if it was dinner time and I was on the menu So I look away when he pours his gaze on me I want to be free Not someone's broad Someone to applaud All of your faults and flaws But I am the mountain when the ice thaws And I come down in streams and waterfalls Now there's graffiti on the bathroom stalls
There is always the fear of tragedy Because it hit me like a ton of bricks the day you left me So unexpectedly And dejectedly I walk in my narrow boots And I grow roots And soak up the water in the ground And the nutrients from all around And then I just let it go The burden that I know More intimately than my breath It's a mixture of loss and regret As I watch in my mind The leaves that have been left behind
I’m letting the monstrous go, the one that tried to eat me But it could not defeat me Because I hold Jesus in my core And I know who loves me more As they batter me with clubs and stones As I beg them to just leave me alone And Barry smirks and grins But I don’t have so much time for him Because I feel the pulverise try to latch a grasp And the asp Bites but does not sting And no diamond ring Is forthcoming But I like who I’m becoming As the doctor looks at me with plaintive distress And if I had to guess I’d say that she fears death But then she deals with it every day, I must not forget And tries to stave it off every way she can But I accept that every man Must one day give way to the sea And let the spirit become what it’s always been to me As natural as breathing or being born Why do the people look so forlorn As they contemplate A realm they cannot estimate With the power of the mind I let go all that I’m leaving behind And I feel myself losing it But I think that I’m choosing it As I walk towards the sun I realise that I’m the One
The sheer lack of faith she has in me I can see it in her pause that setting free The bird has never been one of her strengths The woman I know, I don’t know where she went Because she used to be a tower to me Now she just has power over me Held like a crutch that is clutched to her breast And something in her never rest As I spilled ink like truth on the desk And let my heart burn in my chest With the fire that I’ve always known And now that I’m grown I walk my own boots Though I still have roots That stretch deep into the soil And I flick the kettle to boil Because tea is my drink And it helps me to think And become all that I am I am part of nobody’s plan And just because you’ve dimmed your light Doesn’t mean I will, not without a fight As I give him permission to Be with whoever he wants to He doesn’t have to be tied to me But like the tide that I have set free I feel him beat upon my shore Worshipping the girl that he adore
I fled the city As they tried to shower me in pity And I fought with tooth and bone So that I could be alone With myself on the verge Of something I don’t have the nerve To do But you Always effervescent in your incandescence Inspire reverence And all their lies Their ties and futile tries Can’t bind this spirit of mine As it refuses to do hard time In the spring of seasons And everyone has their reasons But you are mine And I am fine Now that the grass has grown The beautiful birds have flown And the phoenix in me Reserves the right to be set free In a cacophony of fire and smoke And I may be flat broke But I am wealthy beyond measure And my treasure Resides in the box within I just wanted to share it with him
I faltered on the edge of life Coz I could never grow up to be a wife And work in a bank And I don’t know who I can thank For the pinch that woke me up It shook me in my sleep with love And I jumped out of the bed screaming with the fright I didn’t realise that the night Was over And now that I’m older I don’t have to mythologise All the lies That I told just to fit the form Of the shape that keeps the bodies warm In their comfortable hues But I have come to sing the blues So that someone might know that I Found a way out of the thing that die Lonely and old Or young and ancient and doing what it’s told In the aching pain I don’t think the rain Knows anything about the cloud Til the sky has let go all of its doubt And opens to a wide serene If you’re scared know that this life’s a dream
I saw it as something I couldn’t do That I couldn’t reach across to you As you sat in the seat beside me And I only know how to hide me But I feel you know me better than most Then two years later you look like you’ve seen a ghost And it has taken up residence In your bones with no defence So I reach out across the sea And draw you to me And I read every comment on every picture Break the lines of the stricture That I have been taught should keep us separate And I know you still want to take me on that date That I tried to offer out to you But I failed to let you see through The landscape that has been veiled Though years of not telling the tale Of how I once was a child Who was determined to remain wild And the darkness came to call When I was standing in the hall Slowly devastated As though I had just been educated In all that I am Now I post my tale on Instagram To show all those who are lost in vines That if you don’t struggle all the lines Will disappear from your frame And you are not your name You are something so far beyond I feel the pull and I abscond From the winter that froze my leaves And the dragon that taught me to believe In the sullen grey of the futile But all the while I was growing angel wings Now that bird inside me sings It’s own refrain And I must let go the pain As it’s abandoning my bones And all the throwing stones Pass through the light that I am I exist outside the plan Of those that think they know I held on til it let me go
All I feel when I look in the mirror Is the flawed sinner And I see all the little points That someone somewhere should anoint With a holy oil And the daily toil Doesn’t seem to leave a mark But my spark Seems to be dampened down By the grey that rules this town And I saw it at seventeen That if I didn’t wake this dream I would be ground like the grain in the wheel And there are people who know how to feel But I could never abide In anything but raw and alive And fire in my bones and skin I’m everything when I’m with Him And when I’m not It’s as though I forgot What I am and see And that everything is God’s plan beyond history Or the chasm that pulls my skin Until I am one with Him And there is no distinction or prose To separate me from the roads That lead to the one place we are And all of us are born from a star Just dust that has been given breath That we all seem to forget Ever passes through our lungs And we are not gradated on rungs Of a ladder to the sky There’s something within that does not die Not now and not ever And it has been a hopeful endeavour To live at peace with what is Sealed with a holy kiss
I don’t know what it is but something needs o be done Because there are people dying young From a disease that no one can see They say it’s mental illness but I don’t think we Are defunct in any sort of way We are just sensitive to the play Of light and form on the screen of life And people tick boxes like a job and wife And a car and a two point five Like those things mean you are alive Is it any wonder that there are those who want to die Who hide the way they cry From everyone so no one can see And that once was the girl I call me But something woke me up And now I want to share that love With anyone who has faded to grey And finds the flatness worse than anything words could say And is it adult to falter on the brink Of the things we dare not think To be confused and afraid to even breathe In case someone doesn’t get what they need From what we hold out in our hands And in the past people wanted lands Now they colonise our minds And taunt us with what’s been left behind But the eternal moment of Now Has become enough for me somehow And I try to explain to a priest The meaning of the deceased But he doesn’t get it So I say; “forget it” And let the river pull me away From everything they say To the winter in me It kind of feels like being set free To feel the wind in my hair And know that I am there In the subterfuge and release I wonder do they notice the crease In my dress but I let it be seen And look up from the dream As I fall into reality I feel the Universe forgiving me
I’m gonna hit the road Kissing frogs like every toad Will turn into a prince I know But I think I let the king go An eon past the turn in the bend And it’s not something I know how to mend I apologised But I felt something in me me died As I spoke to you of suicide But to tell the truth I lied I couldn’t put into verse All that I can never rehearse And it came out all wrong, bubbled froth Everything that I am not And the panic ensued That I might lose the coolest dude To the bitter wind And the church says we have sinned By daring to contemplate Going on that sort of date But I cannot agree The impassive has always been me As I sought to proclaim the herald But you’ve found a girl and she is your world And I wish you the best The drugs, the love and all the rest And we are estranged from all that we were And don’t think that it’s because of her It’s because I cannot utter That song you shared about being butter On a summer’s day I think I will always feel this way
In the infinite moment of us You walked away and the broken trust Still slits like shards of glass On the ground of the class That only ever gave me a pass In it’s hall of induction And some babies are born with the power of suction But it’s not something I think that I will do And it might not be me but it could be you So go make your life With the girl that I call your wife I won’t interfere Just know it’s because I hold you dear And I could never fulfill Your last testament and will Of a perfect fold My streets are paved with gold But I only walk them when I want exercise Like I only look at you when I want to see your eyes And the disguise fall Oh, all this endless talking to the wall And you may never leave her But I think you believe her When she says that I am troubled too But I’m just bubbled like you Brewing like a pot on the hob And seceded like a man on the job As he hammers the nail into place I look away when I see your face In every man I meet I just can’t take the heat Though I would like to try And I know you wanted to die But I couldn’t fold the paper And I don’t hate her I am grateful to her For being there for you When I was sailing a sea that is so blue Telling you about the rainforest I did give you a promise That I would return But I didn’t realise the letter burn In the fire with the stamp still on I love you that’s why I’m gone
My fear looms like a sullen protector And they think it’s just coz he reject her That she loses the will to live But it’s more that I cannot forgive The blatant, flagrant disregard for my soul And that’s just not the way I roll So I flip the papers in his face Say I’m done being your disgrace And run into the arms of thieves And it’s everything they believe As they lock me in a chasm perforate And they do their best to educate Me how to be appropriately fine But if I’ve seen it once, I’ve seen it a hundred time In the grey and routine learned So I took the match and I burned Everything I thought I knew And it was not over you It was so that I could be The quintessence of what it means to be free And your bullets ring in my ears But they only echo in my tears And ricochet off the valleys and hills Of my cheeks as the river spills Down the landscape you never knew I’m highlands and brand new Mountainous in my terrain And impervious to your pain As it seeks to latch and suffocate All because I wouldn’t go on that date That you thought had me like a lasso But you’re just a man and it’s nothing new To think you can reign me in So I flash you a grin And Houdini disappear I can tell when you are near But my invisibility cloak Only hides me from the unobservant folk And once you catch my trail The end will come, it cannot fail To bring the edge of the horizon To the colours you have your eyes on Flying and soaring like a bird You did not go unheard
There is a riverbed run And I’m flowing with it, pardon the pun As it lifts and guides, moves and weaves You have to trust, you don’t have to believe In anything anyone tells you Like if you’re water and the current expels you From all that you know I was thrown out of the daughter that go Everywhere she’s bidden But the best part of me is hidden From all and sundry And everyone is sad on a Monday But it’s just another day Another opportunity to live the “Way” Of the Tao Te Ching And to think, I was searching for a ring!
There is a fear of the fire In me and it does not tire Of quaking the ground that I unearth And making parts of me hurt In ways I had not conceived And if everything is to be believed Then we are all doomed I watched as the horizon loomed Over me like a great beast That would make hunger its feast And would consume each part of my bones The body it thinks it owns But my saviour Jesus Christ Must have seen something that he liked In my skin Because he has filled all of it with Him And now I radiate Another different state Of mind and being What is it that you are seeing When you see the store Of treasures within you to adore
The futility and helplessness sets the kettle to boil And I wouldn’t be a daughter of this soil If the tragedy of conflict didn’t run in my veins And if I didn’t understand their pains As they’re bombed into an oblivion How do I forgive them For what they don’t know they do When they are crucifying you For all they want to gain Because of the mechanics of their pain As it spins round and round And delivers verdict without a sound Only the deafening quiet of thunder Another neighbourhood going under To the sound of crush And the people rush To see who they can save As western civilisation cave Under the weight of its own oppression And every truth seems like a confession We make in the dark And we scroll past the things that leave a mark And I watch young men in suits Brush past the truth Like it is an inconvenient stare That they don’t want to admit is there When they don’t want it to be And if the Mediterranean Sea Is the only place you can find solid ground You know the silence has been lost in sound
I burn CDs to know the truth And each song reminds me of you As your image fragments and splits into two A mirror reflecting what is already gone Twenty years old and sining your song As you let me see your heart And I turn the pain into art That I can turn over again and again Like an embroidered cushion of all the men I’ve loved in the past From Paddy to the one that will last Past the bounds of death And he says that he forgets What we were And only has eyes for her And I should let him go But I don’t think he know What he means to me And if the dream would let me be I would let him see That it’s he and I eternity In the wilderness and the scrub You know it that it’s true love When unconditionality breaks the kernel of The ego you thought was All that there was to you Now I know that I’m more than I could ever do In this world of form And the image of you makes my cheeks warm And my heart do a jig But you’re working on an oil rig And every fire I think to set Only endangers what was met In the honesty I let slip through When I told you that I love you
There is an empire nobody sees And it has everyone on their knees Struggling to make ends meet As people try to die on their feet Through the beauty blogs Or the city that the pollution smogs But never good enough is the refrain And you can only ever paper over the pain As we try to keep everything in frame So we can keep up with a name That we have identified as ours And the powers That be pull tight on the rein As someone else takes the blame For what is beyond the pale You can’t buy what is not up for sale And I watch the horrors encompass the whole And you may not be able to steal their soul But you sure can make their body hurt Make them long for death and what’s worse Is you do it in the name of the free But you sure as fuck do not do it for me As I balk and retreat And admit total defeat In a war that can’t be won Watch a mother sacrifice her son For some hidden clause The video skips when I hit pause On the show And I cannot let go Of everything I’ve come to be And a man down on one knee Is not my salvation Neither is my education So pulverised and perfect, true But I didn’t do it for you As I let the wind go slack The years you waste you can’t get back
The tribesmen of the highlands in Scottish weather As they walk though the mountainous air that only does them better Than any city smog could know And people think they know better so They denigrate what seems like dust But there’s something in their freedom that I trust As they scream their battle cry And head into war to die As they face a foreign foe For the kingdom that they know Living on the brilliant expanse Of the wind that makes the leaves dance And I don’t want to make no enemy Out of grey modernity And what those people have become Mixing genes with ancestors that have known some Of the brutal blow of a sword Or the things they think of for which there is not a word To describe the horror inflict And the end may come quick Or it may come slow But I just wanna say I don’t think they know What they profess to And I see the Celt in you
There is a bullet in my body, some kind of shrapnel I got from the war I fought With a boy who can’t be bought Not with trinkets polished to gold Not with promises of growing old Only the truth raises his eyes And lets him see with no disguise As he looks into me Letting part of it go free As it struggles to get loose What is the point that you prove When you seek to impress Me so you can see me undress In your mind And I ask what’s left behind In the water that we find Somewhere on the shore And I visit Loch Lomond and adore The wilderness of mountains frame When the English played their games With the lives of their so called subjects But I reject Their colonial expanse That would have killed the dance Every human heart is party to And I see that freedom in you As you fight with me And you don’t know that your integrity Is my favourite thing about ya Did you think I doubt ya When you say that no means no And I love you but I let it go And trust that fate will bring us together In this sea of highland weather The Celt in my bones Won’t leave it alone And I just call you “one more time” Would it be a crime If I crossed your girlfriends line That has been drawn in the sand And I cannot love someone else’s man Though I do My soul will ever call to you Across the ocean between us I think God might dream us When we conceive of a future we own And do you lose if the game has been thrown?
Can I not speak my truth As I try to put words to my youth And the boy that blazed the sky Across the part of me that would not die Not matter how they tried To bury me with the tears they’ve cried Over ancient wounds But he walks into rooms And just changes the air Not someone else is there And I can’t knock Even though there are things that it is not Could I just be your friend And wait for things to end With her So we can reconnect with what we were And my sister warns me to stay away And my mother lets me know I would have to pay A price I can’t afford If I risk my room and board In the home I built for us Because paper wrinkled with broken trust Can’t be merged back into fine Without someone having to do hard time As I walk in the night It’s five o’ clock and, alright It’s to early to call So I bang my head off a wall And hope that it will soothe the drum That whispers to me what we will become If I just let it flow Why is it that being told to let go Makes me feel like someone’s stabbing my guts And the model in me struts Down the aisle But the lioness only smile As she bares her teeth We both stood on the street Near the monument to 1916 And sometimes I wonder if it was only ever a dream To think you loved me then Because I have watched boys become men And what they lose in the shutting down And women craving a white gown To give them worthiness points In a society that anoints Babies into a secular sphere And you know the end is near When you begin But, for once, I hope you win When you try to wash away The part of me that won’t let you stay Near the shore that I created And I never wanted to be educated And forget the truth I am I love you like Ros wants Sam And your smile breaks the scene I wish you the best of this broken dream
The line I shouldn’t cross Tries to tell me who’s boss With it’s threats and warnings And just because it’s storming Doesn’t mean that’s not how it’s meant to be Is the weather messing with me And I hear the call of Frances deep Behind every promise that I keep Somewhere int he wood Of the lines of feeling good As I surfed that wave And all the people I was going to save With my wilderness heart And the love that God had set apart For you and I But does the water die When it slips through your fingers And are the bringers Of the other side Really merchants of doom All I can say is I know when you’re in the room Coz I feel you before I see you But there are days I wouldn’t want to be you As I feel the current pushing forth Past the boundaries of no remorse And you found a safe haven with her And I don’t want to risk it on what we were So I can’t be your friend Coz I’m only ever waiting for it to end So we can take up where we left off And in that kind of love someone must pay the cost Of losing what they thought to hold So I put the letters in bold I love you but I’m letting you go I’ll hold on forever though, just so you know
Is there a girl code Because I let him into my abode And now he won’t get the fuck out Even when I told him what I’m about And that I didn’t know about you When I let him do what he wanted to do As I felt the pulling thunder In the sheets I was lying under And I turned to meet his face Now all I see is the disgrace Of knowing that he was with you The whole four years I wanted to Let him be And our history Is tainted and blue And I guess it’s nothing new To say that men will connive Every minute they’re alive But I’m bitter now And jaded and somehow Only see the dark side of the grain As the sky pours with rain Down unto the glen And amen Is the end to every prayer Was he ever even there When he whispered those words to me Like a future planning history As we interlock our fingers Now I just jump at phone ringers Coz I don’t know what the news will be And tragedy Always seem to come down the line And you said that he was fine But I wonder do you know him at all Because I spent an age staring at his wall To divinate And I wouldn’t want a man of mine in that state So I offer him an olive branch or two But he snaps back that he’s with you So I let it fall into the flood And hope that the result will be good But it’s a burden And I wonder if you heard him When he cried on his own The boy I love on the golden throne
Am I the Jolene of the story As he implored me To just let him be And I feel a rankling in my dignity Why would he take this story down As if it would destroy his town And I have no beef with his girl But I had to tell him that the world Revolves around his sun of stars And I was chasing cars Around my head in my room When I was fifteen and kissed the doom As it met you there And I know you care But I rip the page from the typewriter Because my friend said I would have to fight her To get to you And it’s not something I’ve a mind to do I just wanted you to know That I have not let go
The forest child in me Is longing for the rivers to let her go free As I take refuge on the beach That someone thought to teach Me was there And I’m so grateful and I care About what will happen to this next generation Will it be beyond an education As I meditate And something puts me in another state Where I can fly And I am not afraid to die Into incandescent blue Just because you Clutch onto fear Doesn’t meant that love is not near Ready to abide And something in me hide Away this secret deathless realm From the people who would submerge the helm Like the girl with the degree In deciding what to do with me When I confess That everything in that red dress Always felt the same And she knows my name But she doesn’t get my soul If I told her each wave roll Would she understand And I decide to forgive my man
The impassible moment of us breathes I can feel it against my cheek And there were days you made my knees weak But they seem to be over and done Now that I have found the one Shining from every avenue When the colours we face are red and blue And everything is You And I wrote and wrote my little heart out It feels so good when you start out But I knew this isn’t marriage and kids It’s just the proof that I am his For now and forever more Mo ghrá, mo chroí, m’anam, mo stór
The unassailable goneness when you lose someone you love And there’s no point looking for them in the sky above Just an empty black hole, a colossal void I withdraw into myself and people think that I’m annoyed When I lash out at everyone (coz they don’t really care) Then abandon the one boy who thought to dare To breach my trenches, to traverse no man’s land I look at him with suspicion but he offers me his hand And it’s so delectably soft, so inconceivably frail That I know in that moment that my defences fail To keep out the love that is pouring through my heart You know I tried my best, I didn’t mean for it to start But it did and it does And now I say that I’m in love With a mortal form of the eternal being I keep wiping my eyes, through the crying I am seeing As he turns from my gaze into his own reverie And I contemplate the moment that God let us be Held for a second like a ball in mid air For once everything and the next not even there As life pulls us apart in the guise of what we’re freeing Now I don’t even know the landscape you are seeing Through those precious eyes and lashes to frame Though time and space expand I still feel the same As I ever did, now then and before In this world of passing things I found something I adore Something that endures as my riverbed soul Can’t separate the distance that it would take to roll And crash a wave upon a shore like I know it will be I wonder who’ll die first, will it be you or me Because we are not vampires, we don’t get a thousand years And I’ve been building up the pressure but the dam bursts with tears And you’re with another woman but that is not the reason It’s the simple fact that all things have a season As our leaves bloom and grow then turn rusty red I thought of you like a hero now I think of you in bed And all the dials turn on the sun of our day Please don’t make it hurt when you go away
It’s a nightmare we’re all dreaming And somewhere the children are screaming And it aches in my heart and it pulls at my soul Something crushes the begging bowl And flattens the land The hills and valleys that used to understand All the movement and all the sighs I watch a brother break as his sibling dies And his wails of pain seem all to familiar to me Because I know the crushing weight of the sea As it pummels the shore What is left to adore In this broken world And if I am just a girl How do I effect change But I watch the stars rearrange Every season in the sky As I ask God why He could allow such things And if the spirit has wings Does it fly away from here When it’s separated from the ones we hold dear In a man made disaster And there is no plaster Than can fix bullet holes And we’re all just supposed to play our roles In this great big cosmic machine And I thank God that it is just a dream As I rouse to wake The people that die for humanity’s sake I feel something break And go free in me Are we doomed to repeat history Or can we be the change we want to see If there’s a man in the mirror it starts with me
I feel the grey encroach upon my consciousness And who do I address the letter That I could do better And I need help to reach out of this prison cell Of all the people that wish me well And I’m just sitting in a café, what the hell I have to escape But I am right here, right now And that’s gotta be enough somehow But I strain against the edge of my chains And I know that the rains Will fall soon And the bells of doom Will echo ever near but ever far And every star Is born to turn into a black hole And what will happen to my soul When it quakes against the edge of the limit I have to give up the desire to “win it” Because it is no good to me now And I hate the conflict that I allow To penetrate the mist Of the zone in which I exist And is it just screaming into the abyss Throwing my prayers outwards in case there’s something that I miss In the soothing of an age I rip the page Out of the typewriter And search for something to ignite her
I got lost in the third eye blues And everything called me to pay my dues But I didn’t have any money Though I’m wealthy as fuck, honey I slot the puzzle piece into the jar As I wonder what you are And the nomad in me looks for change But it’s not the kind that rattles when you’re outta range It’s the kind that breaks like the sun Across the sky and over everyone And I play the perfect princess I know to whom I must address That painful moniker And you’ve all already met her Somewhere in my early teens When I was still staring across moonbeams Into the stars I shook against the prison bars And she had the key I didn’t realise that she was locking me In there Or if I did I didn’t care Because she used to make me laugh But when she shattered the glass she didn’t do it by half And I let it go, forgiveness now I’m good at that but some remains somehow Like a grain of sand in the oyster shell I grit my teeth as I wish her well And I’ve lots of secrets I will never tell Well not to her, not now, though she rings the bell That signals me to come But, hun I’m not Pavlov’s dog And in the fire there’s a log Burning more than well enough to keep me warm And though you brought the storm I don’t hate you And fair play to the men who date you They have more steel than me But nothing is more real than eternity And it’s something that will not break So though you shake Everything in sight I still give a shite
I rail against making shitty art Because I’ve got to do it with heart But sometimes I’ve just got to pour the cracks and creases With a love that never ceases As I flex my knuckles to breaking point And somewhere a baby anoint Into a chasm of a different making Am I labouring under what I’m forsaking The church and motherhood Do I give both up for good Because I’m nearly thirty four And I’ve been told to make shakes or the floor Will drop out from under my feet In the instance of a heartbeat And is it just to reclaim the child within That I want one with him Though I’d never say Not face to face anyway In my hidden stance I defy All the parts of him that try to die Against my will Does he even know what he would kill If he thought to take the drink and spill It out over the ground I don’t make a sound As the earth quakes But something in me breaks As though he’s taking a hammer to it And nothing, not even his wit Can put it back together Are we all summer weather Friends And when it all ends Will anything remain If I play this track again
There is pain and there is peace And there is a moment where both cease To mean anything at all And I’m staring at a wall Just tap tapping my pen And I feel it all again And it is as though the universe rehearse The plaid shirt poetry in my verse As it speaks to me through life And I always thought I’d be a wife But that doesn’t seem to be my thing I would prefer truth over a ring And I can’t condense this immaculate soul Into something that is just a role For there is love and there is joy But can I tie myself to a boy Forevermore And forsake the soul I adore Or is there a way he can open the expanse So that both our spirits will dance Together in unison But he just chooses to get his gun And shoot at cacti in the desert I question his poor self worth But he doesn’t seem to be inclined to rise And settles like sand at the bottom of my eyes And the glass is half empty, never full I bathe his wounds with cotton wool So it will not inflict too much pain But how can a man stand this much rain And I know the fields are green so There is much that will grow And an abundance of fertility And for all his virility I can’t put my finger on what isn’t gone I just know I can’t ignore our song As I pull back from the book and gram Some metaverse serving someone’s plan In the ether It’s not me either It’s a seed to sow I hold on, just so you know And though you beg me to let go It’s just not in my make up So why don’t you just wake up And see the sky above your head it will keep you from the dread That forms moats around your castles And I know you want a girl with tassels But I don’t think that’s what I am I said to him as I hold his hand And in confusion iridescent blue Meets my own in a new hue
I try to block the truth from reaching me And all the universe is teaching me Has to turn into a baseball bat Instead of the original welcome mat He offered me love in the extreme And though it was a part of the dream It had something real to it too And I realised I was in love with you But I turned away Because what is it that people say We are too different to make it work And you are bathed in the hurt You’ve spent your whole life accumulate And you’ve let it make you hate People you don’t understand But you’re beautiful and I love you, man And I know the dial will turn to spin on me So I let you go free And I feel your resignation and resolution But you know that is no solution So I have to intervene Did you hear me scream When my brain came apart in two That was life splitting me from you And we both fragmented into an entangled particle And people start to call me “some article” But I don’t mind Because I have not left you behind You’re still in my soul Like the bed of truth and rock and roll And it doesn’t matter, come what may I’ll sing this song to you and you’ll wake and say I love you Laura And as I read your aura It will speak volumes of colour And all that made you duller Will lift and release And we will make that beast Retract into its cave Go back into the dark so grave Like the boy I could not save He became the man I crave
I don’t know what we were But I know I don’t wanna fight with her But I feel her get my back up When I offer her love And she slaps my hand Like the hourglass isn’t pouring sand And all of us into the ocean Why are you afraid to show emotion Is it just me Or is it the dragon that was set free Two decades ago And somewhere amidst the snow The annals of us are preserved I try to keep my cool but I am unnerved By the sheer lack of the sea In the meadows that lap against me And I can’t make it better and I can’t mend What she never broke but doesn’t intend To rectify There is a part of us that can never die And a part that does day by day I wonder why she is that way And the reason seems clear But she doesn’t know how I hold her dear And is it my lot to be unknown And only have my true colours shown When a stranger just walks into my days And tells me I’m free in so many ways And he thinks I hate him, I can hear him sigh But the mists move the mountains and I cry Out with the fear of it But he’s alcohol and I take a sip And find myself head of heels Like I’m lost on instagram reels Just trying to find my source I am not a child of divorce But I know the fracture when the world splits Or the chasm that opens when death hits You hard in the gut And someone you love things you’re in a rut But I would never leave the flowerbed Above the grave that marks your head So I’ll just let you know That I was not born to let go
I miss David more than I can explain I look outside and it’s rain And it was always sun when he was around Like he gave meaning and life to sound And he burst colour into the scene As though I was alive within the dream And now all is dull and grey And what is it that people say Life is what you make it And love is deep so don’t forsake it But I don’t know how to utter your name Without making you take the blame For all that we could never be I saw you down on one knee Proposing to me But you laugh in my face and the indignity Of the moment have me cracking open The shell that was the kernel of hoping For more than just words on the page And the silent rage Pounds against the walls of my castle And I wonder is romance worth the hassle If it means I must go up against Your past and your present tense And maybe you’ll never know what it meant When you accepted the letter I sent
It’s the little things Like wedding rings And fire that ignite And I hear that you like What you see And when the person is me I blush and then sigh And I don’t say goodbye To you again Coz I’ve made my peace with the notion of men How you can’t show affection Without them wanting to add you to their collection Of dolls sitting on the wall But that isn’t me at all Except when I’m walking by the rows And the feeling shows As I smirk And I didn’t think that this would work But it does And the story starts because I let you in the door When I’m walking on the ground floor Of the building grey But the door unlocks when you say Hello to me I didn’t think that I would be Clutching at straws at thirty three
Did you not notice you already buried me I say to her as she sets me free Of her bullet strung chain That she shakes around herself in vain Because I’m like the white horse that’s gotten away And there’s nothing she can say That will hold me there now And somehow I know this will be the last time her oppression Tries to elicit a confession From my lips And I always liked eclipse But the thread is always there to fray And its like what you say I already know That’s why I’m letting you go
She uses broken arrows to fire at me Then says that she sets me free But her archery is not second place And she knows how to deface A wall with her spray paint eyes And bulletproof disguise And we’ll never be what we were Because you cracked the crisp leaf beside her And stabbed me in the front (only enemies stab you in the back) Still though your love don’t mean jack Not now, not anymore And I’ll always have affection for you, mo stór But our two by two is now shattered glass Because you thought he just wanted ass And so you sought to protect Me from being a reject But in seeing me in the lowest terms I set fire to the hay and it burns Up all the crackling grass And she said that this too shall pass But she’s not the one who has to live through the story I know she’ll just ignore me If I try to press my case So I fall silent in the land gone to waste And spill it all out onto a page All my bubbling pain and held back rage When she’s in the room I don’t know, you echo the bells of doom
I walked on the eggshells of not knowing where to look Should I do this one by the book Or throw the rules out of the window I know she has her eyes on him though As I spy her through my eyeglass And we both agree that Darragh is class And maybe I shouldn’t mention his name But he’ll only see this when I’m way high and fame Has taken me to the door Of all the people I love but mo stór Let me tell you you were epic And I hope I didn’t wreck it And that somewhere in your heart You still have me on start And hit go every now and then I look up and worship as you say Amen To the starshot in my eyes I almost dropped the disguise When she asked me which guy I liked And my courage almost spiked But then I just deflect I think she knows though, I suspect And it was over ten years ago Time passes (most people don’t know) But something’s eternal, something’s ever there Like the way I know you care As we walk the dark path into the grounds Of the apartment complex and all the sounds Fall to the silence of our footsteps I cried that night into my own regret And it was one of the first few days I started writing again In the end something begin And I went chasing after Haley’s comet But someone else is already on it So I just wrote this note to say I still think of you, okay Even if it’s though the moonbeams And the dresses that are ripped at the seams Because they took their cutting scissors to them Still, I wish I could play you again
There are childhood haunts They rise up and grip And I am myself when I let the mask slip Like Keyz and I playing Freespace And all the years that went to waste Just soaking in the sun When I met the man I love I run And I don’t know why that is Because I’ve always been his And if I could only explain to her What we were I think she could understand It wasn’t like I had anything planned I just know what soul speaks And I count the years, months and weeks Since we’ve last talked Since you walked And the demons sat on the edge of my consciousness The doctor said I was “in distress” But he doesn’t know jack And I want my freedom back The freedom to feel, to wreak havoc or hell Without people telling me I’m unwell As they submerge what’s only tide And try to kill what is alive In me But I’ll always be This girl of colour and plunging dark It’s from the night where rises the spark And it visits me again and again One day it’s a bird, next it’s men And then I realise I won’t settle Thorny as a rose and stinging like a nettle But somehow singing like a kettle When you put me on boil Or is that just what it is to be a Coyle
I scream but it doesn’t bring her back And sometimes all you can think about is what you lack And I saw her at fifteen washing the dishes And I know that in spite of all of our hugs and kisses I will have to say goodbye to her And does that mean what we were Will cease to exist And I have to let the mourn Become something new that’s born Because they say to move on But there’s a space where you’re gone And nothing will ever be the same again I could fall into the men I crave and creep towards But at the end of the day its only words When what you love will surely die No matter how you try and try And insidious is the despair When you realise that they’re not there Anymore And the open door Where it was always closed coz we were sitting at the fire And I tire Of the baseless platitudes I just remember the charisma you exude And how now we stand at a cold grave For nothing can save Anyone of us from our fate Should I have went on that first date
I will, yeah also means no It’s easier if you just let it go And don’t try to understand Because woman can never be man And every one of them came from one of us And I wonder if that’s why they’re cursed As they try to get back to what they know And it’s something I don’t show But I have all the answers And I was one of the dancers In the midst of the trouble I burst that particular little bubble Of yours When I kicked in the doors On what you thought you were I know you’re with her But that doesn’t mean I won’t still speak the truth And pulverise your pretty little youth As you play the brute With me but you’re a fool Coz I can pierce your cool With a single look As you try to do it by the book And I know I’m being unreasonable, phew I just can’t look at you
My psychosis Was just more evidence I am precocious For my age It’s was at age thirty two I last turned the page And soon I’ll be turning it again Make of that what you like, Amen And I liked that boy in the band What do you call him, Matty something and underhand Is his gaze when he winks at me But I’d give it away for free If those eyes would just meet mine I try it a thousand times But I can never make it stick And the guy’s friend said he could be a dick But I don’t agree Because what he has isn’t what he is, you see And I got excommunicated from any kind of rationale And now he just wants to call me his pal As he plays home with another girl I think they have a kid, in any kind of normal world Coz he’s the same age as me (well close enough) And if you purse your lips it must be love In the aftermath Of the bloodbath That was our last encounter I asked him to denounce her And he refused Denounced me instead, the cool fucking dude Then set the dogs on me And they bit my tail til I let them go free And they took parts of me with them Are they going to come after me again If I start telling the truth And live up to the promise of my youth Prolific writer and seeing stars everywhere Looking round to catch Kenie’s stare As he is turning it full flare on me Is there something else that I can be Other than some man’s object of affection Throwing me against a wall just so he can make a selection And own me like everybody else I’m sorry that I made butter melt But I’m not your doll That’s why I didn’t answer the call
Old misery bones is shaking her chains again I look outside and it’s rain And my life is terrible and awful But while I’m taking the meds it’s still lawful To feel this way Is there something in what the people say That the door will hit you on your way out And he had enough of my smart mouth When he hit me with it Called me quick witted Then pulled the rug from under my feet Like we’re in bed and it’s a sheet And it’s disallowed to speak this way I remember what Mark used to say And how I didn’t understand But nodded along as long as it was planned And the encyclopaedia was a treasure trove of information Til people tell you you’re getting above your station But I love my mind Even if I’ve left part of it behind Embarking on this route And I like that man although he’s a flute And plays like the pied piper every day And people wonder how he got that way As if he was flung from the sky Just falling from on high And I know it was a lie When he said he was okay Like the ghost that lies in the hay Tormenting my soul As the waves roll Into the grand abyss Do you remember the years we used to kiss Anytime we wanted Now my halls are haunted And they all ring with the sound of you I left because I thought you wanted me to
The weeping starts when you realise That everyone you love dies Sooner or later So the question isn’t whether you should date her It’s do you cherish her now Coz that’s the only moment fate will allow You to be sure of He fit me like a glove But I could see sunset in his eyes And it was a thinly veiled disguise As his broken need met my solemn stare And I swore I would be there For him through thick and thin Even if I’m only working from within And the chains come to whip my skin And not in a good way like his predilection In a way that separates souls And crashes waves against the shore as they roll Knowing all of us will be shattered by life Obliterated beyond the husband and wife We sought to be And I always saw you down on one knee But I also saw you crucified And if I said I didn’t love you, well, I lied Coz I can’t bear the departure That comes with every gate you open to your heart, your Spirit And I don’t know if you can hear it But I whisper your name every night Before sleep takes me in the twilight And your brutal assault Closed the doors of my vault But they open when you’re not looking So I can watch every flight that you’re booking To foreign lands And I still remember the feel of your hands As they brushed against mine Showing me something I’ll remember for all time Even if you forget A secret handshake that unlocks me yet
I pull on the thread and watch the knot come undone Is this the place to go if you wanna get some Coz I’m just flicking on my phone And I am all alone Because it’s a sin to make two If you’re not married to the person that you Have fallen for He opens the door And watches me enter And I should have known that that old dementor Would fuck things up Because it was the first time I’d ever been in love And it seemed too good to be true And my mind is like “he’s staring back at you” And my family’s like it’s a good deal to make But every bargain is only there to break And a good relationship sounds like hell As people shake your hand and wish us well Eugh, I’d much rather our dark fantasy And the unrequited that shakes its ass at me As I pool the blood at the base of my spine In the name of what I call mine And it’s trippy and that’s for sure Did someone just call me a cute hoor For daring to step on your toes You know you love it, anything goes And if passion was a fuse to burn We’d trip the switch, why do we never learn?
I’d like to sock her in her puppet face Then I bury my own in my hands of disgrace Imagine the steel when my fist connects With all the dreams her heat has wrecked As it’s issuing from her undercarriage She would die to give it all in marriage But she would deny me the same Hang me like a corpse from his name And put the splints in my side Til I bleed water like I’m alive And somewhere in the windowless chasm I hear her say “she has him” And it’s as though she pierces my heart Then waits for the thumping to start Down the cool steel of her blade Do you wear a hat when you’re in the shade Or does the sun burn you when you’re in the light I dunno how it could happen when it’s always night And a cruel bargain is made My soul for the games she has played Like dice on a roulette wheel Like that bitch that knows how to feel So they throw stones through the fiery air Hoping to cut down her flair In the midnight lilt I sometimes think it’s all built on guilt And when it doesn’t work for them they try to snare You with a drum that batters like life isn’t fair And you don’t get everything you ask for I somehow found myself at his door And he let me in So somewhere he will always be king In a monument to the land before time In the years before I knew how to rhyme All of my problems into a weave Then wear it like my heart’s on my sleeve And if you would believe then it would be alright But it isn’t for me to listen to people talk shite Anyway anymore I’ll just give up and adore
Fucked up and interesting but hella blue I’ll never be what you think I am to you Coz you reach and then clutch, you crave and then claw And you care nothing for the great thaw As it pours in rivers down mountainsides There is something in me that always abides And it’s in you too but the blackened soot Means you tread ground everywhere underfoot Til everything’s flattened and everything’s grey I wonder sometimes if you were born that way Or if you grew up to do what you were told And paint others down when they tried to be bold Like you’ve done to me But forever free Is something I’ll always be In spite of your calamitous affair There’s something of real love that is there And God and the blues and diamonds that shine There’s something you take but it’ll never be mine
How does she still think she is that to me How does she not see That I took that card away from her possession After I made my confession And she screamed into the wind And told me that I sinned Metaphorically whipped me with a chain When I had the audacity to rain All over the fields I grew up on Now most of the grass is gone But the green is still there And she’s still trying to show me that she care As she clicks the clasp on the lock And tells me everything that I’m not Like colouring outside the lines I’ll always be the artist undefined Under the make up that she craves And the lies she thinks that saves A soul from the perish But if I was something that you cherish You wouldn’t batter me blue Then expect me to say that I love you
The Poetry Book 