Author: Laura

Whatever, I’m Not Listening

.Reading time 3 minutes.
The stories that they write, well they pencil me in 
Then they erase the part where I speak of him 
And they tell me that it’s lies and its my imagination 
Try to gaslight me into joining the tv station 
As they all nod their heads and stomp their feet in time 
And to be honest has become a crime 
They say I analyse, they say that I am rude
I say that I’m just saying that I love the dude 
And orange is the colour when he pulls me to the side 
And tells me that I must know what it means to be alive 
As he explains the world he lives in shades of grey 
And he’s so focused on his mind he doesn’t see me look away 
And wait for him to finish his sad tirade to sky 
I know that it is awful and that we all die 
As you pave the stones for everyone to walk 
And the best way to insult you is to say that it’s all talk 
Because you never stop to think what you are running down 
You never stop to wonder what it is you drown 
When you summon the lake by the graveyard ‘neath the hill 
And ask for diamond eyes to take away the pill 
So that you can conceive all the future that I dream 
But I must break it to you I walk on a different moon beam 
And he seeks to eat the bread, I can see it in his face
He’s sad for a second that a moment went to waste 
And he would devour sand if it meant the grain 
Would be part of him forever and ever again 
And I know he’s built a cavern and it must echo true 
But I was not built to be part of you 
Like some Stonehenge in sidewalks, like some sunlight through the chamber
I look at you and wonder can it get any stranger 
As the sad truth comes to pass that you don’t give a fuck 
And that I thought you did is just my own hard luck

The Overreach

.Reading time 3 minutes.
Do you feel the overreach 
And the lesson it tries to teach 
In its sympathetic pandering to what it wants to get 
As it runs a railroad track over what you can’t forget 
And it would make you suffer 
Then claim it’s because you love her
It would make it’s might 
Burn in the firelight
And it rises in your eyes like a drug you long to take 
I see the sleeping dragon as it threatens to wake 
And you stomp and you ground and you try to chomp the bit 
It’s been many years since I took the hit 
And you live off the pride you get when you knock her down 
Because there’s someone beneath you it means you run this town 
In your sick logic, your profane ideologue 
You’d do anything to reach the tower in the fog 
And the female is one more resource that you use to whet 
The appetite in stomach that won’t let you forget 
And you tip and you tap and everyone can see 
That something’s not right in the way you talk to me 
It’s sidling and it’s simper, it’s ash and it’s bone 
And the more that I object, the more you won’t leave me alone 
And I’ve come to realise it don’t matter what I say 
Because one thing I’ve learned is that you will get your way 
As you smile into the face of the awful that you are 
I hope you wake up and stop the damn car 
As it’s careening down an avenue you can’t hope 
To tie up with threads or any kind of rope 
And it’s minute and it rotten and it makes me shiver
What is a woman but the propensity to deliver 
On all the promises you made yourself through her 
I realise too late all that we never were 
And I drop the cloth from hands and it falls to the floor 
I remember when you locked him on the other side of the door 
Like you could command, like you could be the lord 
Over all I am and you can take me at my word 
When I say I have no time for what you care to take 
Go fuck off with yourself, I think I’ll take a break

Gravitational Waves

.Reading time 2 minutes.
He’ll never be happy with minute weather 
As I watch them trudge through the heather 
Making sticks and stones of water 
Hoping for a son or daughter 
And I just stifle a laugh 
Coz it’s not good to do things by half 
And half that you despise 
And every car is a new ride 
When you’re going to the sea 
And grey history 
Reaches around your legs like vines 
And you blame me ten thousand times 
For daring to point out the truth 
That you have lost something of youth 
In all your growing up 
In the sacrifice you make for love
A freedom, a burning, a fever dream 
And now all you can do is scream 
Into the echoes of what you’ll never be
At least what you’ll never do with me 
And you feel the absence, you feel the longing 
You remember the moment of belonging 
And how it aches 
As she forsakes 
What she wants to be 
For what is growing between thee
And it’s fine and it’s normal and it’s perfectly okay 
But you both know it won’t make your day 
As you get on with what you have
And try to bury the feeling bad 
In between the plots of land 
Where everything is going grand 
And it’s green and it’s ploughable and it’s fertile soil 
But the water won’t come to the boil 
On that kind of flame 
Does she share your name 
Or is it a hidden kind of surrender 
That you can’t bear to remember 
Because it’s making you the man you always wanted to be 
As you reply monosyllabically 
And I let you go 
Because I don’t fucking know 
What you want 
And if a ghost will haunt
Then I’ll let it flail 
What you buy is not up for sale 
On this lawn 
I suddenly realise that you’re gone

Snakes And Stones

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I can’t believe he gave up on himself 
Like he failed another test 
I had set out 
He had fallen into self doubt 
So severe 
That he shakes when I come near 
And point my fingers to the stars 
He gazes at them through prison bars 
And could never be free 
Hacking away at old history 
Like it’s all he’ll ever be 
And could only ever graduate 
To a dad or a husband who sits before a plate 
And eats what he’s been given 
And asks to be forgiven 
For what he’s done 
Long ago to someone 
And it wasn’t me 
It was the girl in the green dress and mystery 
And she was beautiful and free 
And I could only think that he 
Discarded her for freedom blue 
For a truth he never found in you 
And I feel my hackles rise 
Because she is divinity in disguise 
And I hung out with her crew
I kind of admired what she peered into 
And I heard her speak your name 
Before I knew the picture frame 
The face would fit into 
And I hope that you do 
Everything you did to her to someone new 
So you must face what you’ve turned into 
I try to throw a leaf 
In fragrant disbelief 
Into the sacrifice you cross 
In a game of love is lost 
And it’s X’s and O’s 
In sure and don’t you knows 
And you dispise
The photograph I place before your eyes 
Because you know it holds a still 
Of everything you never will 
Reach while you’re still clinging to your monkey mind 
Did you realise what you left behind?

Arizona Desert Sand

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I ache in places I didn’t know exist 
Like there is a life I missed 
Hidden somewhere in the grass 
With the man that I harassed 
When he actually answered the phone 
And I tried to get him alone 
But he’s got a spouse or a girl in waiting 
And I know that she might be hating 
If she knew what I whispered then 
That his name is like an Amen 
The conclusion of every prayer
All because He is there 
And I tried to draw him silver and I tried to draw him gold 
I tried to draw him pictures of us both growing old 
But he breaks my grasp 
Throws me backwards into a bed of asps 
And says poison yourself then 
I replay it over and over again 
And I writhe and I slither like one of them 
I chime like a clock set to Big Ben 
And it’s the news 
That you should just expect that from dudes 
Who have a wife 
That you mean less in their lives 
That their hidden shame 
That won’t call a girl by their name 
But only the title repute 
And I can call you a flute 
But it doesn’t mean you can play a tune 
Like a pied piper to get me into the room 
And I know he wants to have me onside 
Hurling abuse at his bride 
While he mediates 
And compromises with fate 
So he could have on his left hand 
Someone that could understand 
All his knotted thread 
Because he feels alone when he’s in bed
And he doesn’t know why 
And there are times he wants to die 
From sheer lack of juice 
No vitality to make fruit
And embody 
A trait that scholars could study 
“Why is life so dry?”
I reach out and I try 
But with every hint of burning lust 
I realise that I cannot trust 
In all he’s come to be
He’s fallen away from history

Lavender Scent

.Reading time 3 minutes.
She talks me down like I’m on the roof 
Like only a book could ever be proof
Of what is true 
But she doesn’t see what I’m pointing to 
I ask her questions, she gestures lies 
Like the heart is always in disguise 
And never can be revealed 
Like love is something that has been sealed 
Inside a vault 
And it’s all my fault 
When the rage arises 
And there is nothing that disguises 
The moment when 
She shatters me all over again 
Like a glass lampshade breaking on the tiles 
A gift from something that she defiles 
In her anger and pursuance 
I’m startled and fluent 
In a language she cannot speak 
She only tells me that I’m weak 
When I try to put forth 
An analysis of divorce 
Between the spirit of life 
And the way you’re living in spite 
Of all that has been sent 
To you, I look and don’t know where it went 
As we watch forms on the screen 
Moving in and out of a coloured scene 
I thought this must be heaven, she knows who I am 
But three seconds later there’s another plan 
That takes her further afield 
And I know that should I yield 
She would gather me up like the wind 
And convince me that to be free is to have sinned
And I cannot buy 
That particular brand of shy 
Like I should hide my light 
In the brutality you ignite 
As you make strange
I lay down and the atoms rearrange 
Over my head 
As I wake in bed 
A heavy weight pressing down upon my skin 
And this was ten years before I met him 
And his eyes lit up 
And I knew love 
In the instant he gazed 
Into my eyes like his soul was saved 
And maybe it was 
Maybe he left because 
We had separate paths to learn 
But I know that with every twist and turn 
I’m somehow making my way through the forest 
Back to the man that keeps me honest 
And my futile tries to build a bridge 
Is walking over hacksaw ridge 
Trying to sled a sleigh 
But he tells me there’s another way 
And just takes my hand and touches my heart 
And suddenly the monumental starts 
To unfold 
I never knew that fields of gold 
Could manifest in this dimension 
And that space time is just an extension 
Of a deeper kind of whole 
I just want you to know you are my soul

A Man Of Stature

.Reading time 3 minutes.
Maybe I should just get married and fuck it all 
Like you told me through the brick wall 
You talked to me from behind 
Like I was out of my mind 
And you had to use gloves to trace
The truth I couldn’t bear to face
And I’d drawn a pretty picture in years 
But I’m looking at you through the tears 
Not believing what you’re saying 
And in spite of all my praying 
You still turn the wheel 
Tell me that I shouldn’t feel 
What is real 
And if love was ever true 
Then forever is me and you 
And we age and pages hold the rage 
Of something you couldn’t stage 
As you hold up a light in a grass so green 
And tell me you’ve found another queen 
One who won’t rot and burn and fester 
The court is adjourned and the jester 
Has left the room 
And all that doom 
I took with me to the lodge 
And the bullet that I couldn’t dodge 
When you fired the gun 
Like I was the only one
Who’s heart you could pierce 
I used to be brave, I was fierce
Now I just haunt the halls 
Of incendiary free for alls 
And say I’m for the female right to be free 
But I know that if it was up to me 
I’d be with you 
But you don’t want to 
So I let it be 
Let you make shards of me 
As you cut the glass 
And rip into what you couldn’t make last 
And you may have her home, her bed, her child 
But you can’t take my wild 
And turn it into domesticity 
If that’s the role you wish with felicity 
That I may have
I’d take the chains and the feeling bad
And turn it into something new 
A world of firsts without you 
And you cannot own 
What I have grown 
And red is the colour of my true love’s heart 
But he’s not the one so we are apart 
And I keep on saying that I’m coming back 
But we both know it’s something that I lack 
In conviction 
And the eviction 
From a tenant farm 
Is not something that could have kept me from harm 
As I’m keening over a frame 
A body that held a soul I cannot name 
Now that he’s gone 
And it’s been so long 
But I don’t forget 
And the bone might set 
But there’s always some kind of tissue around the break 
Around the one I will not forsake 
Not for love nor money 
Not even for you, honey

Redemption

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Watching man become a machine 
Used to further someone else’s dream 
With his finger on the trigger 
Coz this thing we have is bigger 
And he fires and the bullet renders holes 
Is this a battle for all of our souls
And I look at him and he looks away 
And I know there’s nothing I can say 
To change his mind 
And he’s already left behind 
What we’d built together 
And September weather 
Is fuelling the flames 
I’m calling him, he’s calling me names 
And we just sit in stony silence then 
Because he can’t make me do it again 
You know the innocent gaze, the eyes askance 
The way I thought we were gonna dance 
With each other til the end of time 
Now we tolerate the worst of the crime 
As it plays out on screens 
And I can hear the screams 
Of a child as she plays 
And I know there are things that he says 
To make it all alright 
Because they’ve got to fight 
To make peace certain 
Can you look into the eyes you’re hurting 
When you make war 
And you swear that you know what it’s for 
But it’s just broken beams of a timber framed house 
And someone taking the words right out of my mouth 
When they think they know what I mean 
Is this just a repeat of what’s always been 
And we swear that we won’t grow 
To be just like them but I know 
In the twenty years that have passed 
I just watch women get harassed 
And then bitter and futile and swinging punches 
Or tied up in knots and out to lunches 
With the girls 
While the world 
Burns 
And they swear it turns 
But for a solitary soul 
A singularity in a black hole

Pretty Sinks

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Her version of reality 
Is fighting to get the best of me 
She grabs a hand 
Then pulls it hard so I understand 
Who the top dog is 
And it must be her fervent wish 
To stand appalled 
At all the girls she has enthralled 
With her stony stare 
I look away like I don’t care 
As she burns the bridges 
Climbing over mountainous ridges 
To get to the peak 
But everything she seems to speak 
Is tinged with regret 
As if there’s something she cannot forget 
In the mists of time 
And she wants me to pay for the crime 
She commits 
As she just sits 
Amidst all her flowers 
Revels in her budding powers 
To make hell 
As something that wishes you well 
I could never comply 
And part of me wanted to die 
So I just I sigh
Let the air out of the balloon 
She’ll suck it back in once she’s in the room 
To inflate a sense of self 
And blame it on my mental health 
Or bad strategy 
I remember the year she said to me 
“You’re being so childish” but I couldn’t explain 
So I just let it pour rain 
In her empty field 
I yield 
And let the blossoms bloom 
I toe to toed with the edge of doom 
And my books are on a shelf 
Did she steal them away by stealth 
Or was it the barricade 
That gave her something she could save 
In the melee 
Now she just talks down to me 
Instead of up 
Like it was ever a shade of love 
In the midnight moon 
I just leave when she starts to plume 
Her smoke and feathers 
And there are mountains her ski slope weathers 
In mists and time 
If you leave, I guess that’s fine

Stealing Beads

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I watch the dragons in your eyes 
As they burn you with the lies 
You try to contemplate 
Come up with a quick reason to avoid the plate 
That has been served to you 
And there’s nothing you won’t do 
Even sacrifice me at the altar of your greed 
Full of glee as I bleed 
Out on the table as they slice my skin 
I only ever wanted to love him 
But they take me apart by degrees 
But I don’t live my life on my knees
So I slash and burn 
Watch the story take another turn 
As you scream into my face
Thinking you can replace 
What is etched in stone 
As if this place could be my home 
In your slack jawed hate 
I know there’s nothing that can sate
What you’ve come to crave 
It’s like I’m a life raft you use to save
Yourself and I drown 
In the ocean of you pushing me down 
Than you say thanks 
As if you can pay off the banks 
With a lone 
But the woman that you stone 
Will come back to bite 
I know you live for thinking its alright 
And you play that note 
In your head as the thoughts you quote 
Seem to take form 
But I’ve known it since I was born 
That no diamond could ever equate 
To what I knew in that other state 
And it’s like your vines 
Come to destroy all that is mine 
You burn my things 
Then say its because the air has wings 
And wants to take flight 
But I know its more of the same shite 
But I can’t fight 
As it all piles up 
And effigy of what once was love 
In mired sin 
I’ve never known selfishness like him

The Lilt Between

.Reading time 1 minute.
It’s not mine to hold 
This girl who’s made of fields of gold 
And I forget to shield 
I drop the armour in the yield 
And someone calls me cute 
Don’t you know I can be a brute 
I’m not what you think I am 
And I am here to destroy your plan 
As you hold it like cards to your chest 
And I’m playing the one who knows best 
But you break at the last hurdle 
I watch as your oats start to curdle 
In the bowl with the milk you’ve spilt 
And every flower is made to wilt 
He spiralled the galaxy 
Then left with the best of me 
To make stars with another 
The only thing he sees in a woman is a mother 
To him and his child 
And I left that garden for the wild 
So that I could grow 
Amid the briars and the thorns and the things I don’t know 
To become more fully real 
Not cocooned in what I feel 
As you try to tell me it’s my best trait 
So I get mad when I take the bait 
And realise all too late 
That leaving you was the best part of our fate

Lemon Sweet

.Reading time 1 minute.
You crack the glass so that the shattered pieces reflect 
A cacophony of the dream you’ve wrecked 
And you move in slows 
And something in me just knows 
That it will never change the hue 
When it comes to me and you 
As I waded in my snow shoes 
With tennis rackets beneath my blues 
And you skate on by 
The ice queen on the surface of a grand lie 
And they build statues to the greatness 
Of the effigies of your lateness 
To the party you orchestrate 
It’s all in what you do not state 
When you hold the line 
And abide by the absence of time 
In the fields of when you were young 
But you’re like a cloth and you’re overwrung 
As you fail to mop the mess 
And you think I’m making you guess 
But it’s plain sight sailing 
And if this was a test then you would be failing 
But I never give you a grade 
Like a baby in the shade 
You just avoid the sun 
Always looking after number one

The Reverberate

.Reading time 1 minute.
There is reverberate and it sings inside me 
And I remember that time Nessa deride me 
And the flower child came to my rescue 
Now I’m listening to UNESCO
And I get the sense that I’ve been had 
As someone plays the chords of feeling bad
On a piano I don’t own 
And if you didn’t ask, well, you would never have known 
And the insidious in my defeat 
Is that I knocked them off their feet 
On their way to the sky 
Because I didn’t want them to die 
Cold and grey and all alone 
I can’t find them when I stare at my phone 
And though I look and look
It doesn’t have the appeal of a good book 
It just shadowbans the truth 
And pulverises the youth 
Until they don’t know what they’re here for 
And the summit is just something you adore 
For what it is til you reach the peak 
Then it knocks the power to speak 
Right out of you 
And everything is blue 
As the sky becomes your mind 
And you remember what you left behind 
And choose to leave it where it lies 
Everybody lives but not everybody dies 
At least not consciously, not until they do 
I took the step out and I met You

The Flyer They Can’t Catch

.Reading time 3 minutes.
All of the little modicums of grief
We cobble together into belief 
As we try to make something matter 
And erosion is just a product of waves that batter 
The coast of what you thought you knew 
And that was the season of me and you 
When we were young and green 
Fresh as a Kilglass dream 
In the summer as the sun sets behind the hills 
And its the silence that kills 
When everything goes dead 
And I’m just lying in my bed 
Listing to Jimmy Eat World 
Because I’m just an emo girl 
Held in the closet for so long 
God, you know I wish I was strong 
And that I could say that I’m really dark 
But it’s just that the loss made a mark 
And I can’t unsee it 
The drop just fell and I can’t unbe it 
All this open space
And life going to waste 
As I listen on a screen 
To a man who makes it mean 
Something again 
It’s like a fable and then 
It breaks into reality 
And all this noise is mere vanity 
As I stare into the mirror 
The twenty year old me, can you see her 
In her abject confusion 
In the war and in the delusion 
That just lasts for years and years 
The desperation and the tears
As cold call Susanna calls me a freak 
And hits me where my knees are weak 
Cause she knows I’ll fall to earth 
And she can find a way to make it hurt 
Real bad
Then tell me I’m just sad 
And I should take some pills 
It’s the kind of care that kills 
As they fumble in the pews 
While I sigh against all of the old news 
And the grey that is seeping from everything 
The kind of toxic that doesn’t sting 
It just quietly confuses 
Til you’re not sure which hand the monster uses 
To write the story of the sea 
I just thought the creature deserved to be 
Something more than it’s portrayed 
But you look aghast and I’m dismayed 
That you think of devilish synergy 
When you don’t know the first thing about me

Vestiges Of The Beautiful

.Reading time 2 minutes.
There are vestiges of the beautiful hanging like stalactites
In the cave of the rave of you talking shite 
And I walk along the line so the cops know I’m not drunk 
And someone I love tells me I’m in a funk 
And I cannot handle it and go off the rails 
Because I didn’t buy this in the sales 
It’s premium quality fabric and I made it myself 
And that girl tells me that it’s my mental health 
That has me seeing the love and the glow 
In everything God touches and don’t you know 
It’s everywhere that I look 
Did you open the book 
On the subject that I profess
Because I wrote it diligently 
And I left it for you, religiously 
And I’ve known faith, I’ve known prayers 
I’ve known heaven and the stairs 
That will take me there 
But when you stare 
I can’t return the gaze 
So don’t expect me to, just save 
It for the next chick 
I can almost see her lick 
Your cheek with her tongue 
Like she did when you were young 
And I give up 
On the thing that I called love
Coz I saw marriage and babies 
But you just treat me like I have rabies 
And am infectious as hell 
You scream it down the hall as you wish me well 
Running for your life 
Into the arms of your wife 
The one who will defend 
All the stories that you amend 
With an almost made the plot 
Like you almost forgot 
The girl you remember 
I see you next turn of the dial, December

The Picturesque

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The demented writes in verse 
And there are lines you cannot rehearse 
As you nod when the lights go down and then back up 
And he hits the diff when I call it love 
And there arms that try to drown my spirit 
In a cacophony of “did you hear it?”
And its almost like if I ignore the plod 
I’m giving in to their broken rod 
Trying to shatter a dream 
And undermine the queen 
That sits on the throne of my home
He comes to me when he’s all alone 
As if I could absolve his sins
When I’m murdered by his whims 
As they just converge the mass
And leave me to be the last 
Past the post of what I would not do 
But for the lie caught in the throat that you 
Spread like a disease 
And I know the other plants a seed 
Somewhere the grass will grow 
And the best I can do is just not know 
Just click send on the letter
And concede life knows me better 
Than to forward your replies 
And something in me dies 
Everytime I hear your name 
I should just admit that its a shame 
That I got played 
By the tackle that I delayed 
For the sake of the line back 
Who could not withstand the attack 
That I would mount on her stunt 
I know that you can be blunt 
But forgive me my honesty to say 
You’re a blow in and I’d like to keep it that way

Circumferentially

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The line rounded out the circle 
And he is dressed in the colour purple
As a reply to my text 
And I think he only ever wanted sex 
Not the love that I crave
I can hear it in the way he calls her babe
And it knots and it twines 
And it’s full of speeding tickets and fines 
As she tries to slow it down 
And I get bored and dress in brown 
Or nude to mute the tone 
As I hear exasperation on the phone 
And realise I’m happier alone 
And I’m just waiting for you to quit 
I’m wearing a dress and there is a slit 
Right up the side 
The last time you called me a ride 
You took back the engine 
And now whenever you mention 
Me it is in deferent sighs 
And I laugh straight into one of your goodbyes
As you bridge the gap 
The fall that hits you like a slap 
On the cheek, in the face
And you hide behind your mother 
So I’m gonna find another 
Who’ll be man enough for me 
I don’t care about your degree
I’m in love with the music 
And the parts of you that didn’t choose it 
Are left shady by the beach 
On the edge of the pavement that greys your speech 
As you try to concrete the meaning 
But it just sounds demeaning 
And not in the good kind of way 
It’s the lie in what you cannot help but say

Entertainment

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Is it just entertainment, all this playing with words
Like flying is to one of the birds 
And they’re all dressing up in pretty gowns
I arrange myself in verbs and nouns 
And adjectives seem to seep from my wounds
I wish I could command one of those rooms 
Like she does
As she flails into the arms of love
And it catches her again and again 
Is it only the men 
Who keep her bed warm at night 
Or is it the fire that we ignite 
As we sip wine by the sill 
And I sigh and roll my eyes at the way she will 
Deftly avoid the truth
As she takes refuge in her youth 
But it’s almost spent 
Doesn’t mean that the purity went
And would you pay any money to be an actress
And you can rely on my exactness
As I underline the point I try to prove 
But I’m just the pen something else will use 
To delineate a design 
And he is hers and she is mine 
Until I let her go 
And I would but then you’d know 
Exactly what you’re dealing with 
You bite the tongue that wants to call me a bitch 
As we’re trading barbs 
Like the fence that lines our yard 
And keeps the animals in tow 
But if I hadn’t nailed it then you wouldn’t know 
Where it is you’re going next 
I gotta ask “did you suspect?”

Anchor

.Reading time 1 minute.
Do I express my rage 
When I write it on the page
Or let mindfulness gently touch 
The thing my heart hates so much 
Don’t let me ever turn out to be 
A duplicate of that kind of history 
Because it stars wars 
And closes doors 
In people’s faces
It’s like wanton disgraces
And I don’t know how to say 
I want to see it go a different way 
And Gaza burns 
People in tents and the water churns 
And radiates a spasm 
Is there a great chasm 
That will swallow us all 
I hear them call from down the hall 
And I grasp a hand 
But I’m too far away and I don’t understand 
What I need to do 
To pull you up from where you are 
Somewhere there is a star 
Shining over you, child 
You’re more than the faxes they’ve filed 
Away from another day 
This one is not getting away

Freedom From The Sound

.Reading time 2 minutes.
There is freedom from the sound 
I hear it echo when she is around 
And it’s all bells and whistles 
I roll down the hill and I feel the thistles 
Burn into my skin 
And so goes the thought of his woman with him 
And I know I must learn to accept 
This feeling of regret 
As they spin a washing machine cycle 
I remember the part that is vital 
And pull the plug on the whole damn thing 
Is it hell to want a ring 
On my finger 
And my favourite singer 
Launches into a new tirade 
And I am too tired to call the fire brigade 
As the house burns 
The sphere turns
And spins in outer space
Isn’t this such a waste 
To let our rag and bone 
Go without a home 
For the longest time 
And what should never have been a crime
Wraps itself like a braid 
Around the man I tried to save
And I call his name 
But they have my arms and his shame 
Won’t let him meet my eyes 
“You’re just a demon in disguise’
I hear him think 
And there is no kitchen sink 
To throw through this wall 
But I have not forgotten you at all 
As I hold up under the onslaught 
And I may be overwrought 
But I’m not underwhelmed 
So I hit send 
And wait for your reply 
I look up at sunset and it’s a red sky

Introspection

.Reading time 3 minutes.
I bought up all the gold in the valley
Hoping Midas might be my ally 
If he saw he didn’t have to work 
I know it’s got to hurt
When everything you touch turns to dust
Or into something you can’t trust 
And he just sauntered into the scene 
And saw me on some foreign beam 
Catching light and in the rays 
He found that it all decays 
And rots and fails 
But something in our wind sets sails
And we laugh and avenue 
Down our red and blue 
And I stare into the sky 
The monuments in his eye 
As they look down at me 
But isn’t that history 
What are we now 
She rips into something and I allow 
Her to tear for once 
And realise that when people call us cunts 
They don’t know what they’re talking about 
And when you realise all the self doubt 
Falls away 
And there’s nothing she can say 
To take away the memory of knowing what you are 
And the inner star 
Speaks to me and asks me to be quiet 
And the riot 
Hits me like a loaded gun 
But once the shot has fired I realised there’s only one 
In the barrel and it’s not enough
To kill the space that holds our love 
So I retreat to some far defender 
So I can hold what I remember 
In my heart close to my breast 
Like Mother Mary passing the test 
When she acquiesced
To what wanted to be born 
And when the veil of the temple was torn 
In three days God raised him high 
And showed us that man cannot die 
When the will is one 
And though it may have been done 
It was not over 
I know because he chose her 
To be spared 
And the eyes all glared 
As I carried my books 
Trying to keep my eyes from their looks 
And they’ll never know how near their spear 
Came to making everything crystal clear 
In an ancient part of me 
But their bribery 
Could never sell my soul 
Because something about the way the waves roll 
Crashed the silicon 
And for a moment the pain was gone 
And the girl woke up in the dark 
It was nothing but it was a start 
And as she swam upward toward the light 
I knew that I would be alright

If Only Submerges

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I keep thinking if only 
If only she would phone me 
I could escape from this monumental pain 
And yet I experience it all over again 
In a new form 
I check my pulse and my wrist is warm 
And there’s no real way of knowing if I’m still alive 
Coz if you wake in a dream do you survive 
And what is it that continues on 
When the other is gone 
And I mourned over the vestiges of self 
And no one could help 
In my funeral gown 
I left trails of tears all over town 
And they prescribed me medication 
For the sake of my education 
And all that I might throw away 
If I continued to walk that way 
But don’t they know that everyone dies 
And that you measure oceans by the amount of skies 
That rain down upon the ground 
So the earth can soak up the sound 
But the halls don’t hear me so I leave 
And Stephen caught a feather of it, I believe 
But it’s not enough to tether the anchor 
To some kind of fateful banker 
Who will loan me a sum 
To help me be number one 
But I’d rather not be in debt 
So I take the pill to forget 
The sound of him touching my skin 
A knock on the door, will you let me in 
And I know it’s him 
Because he’s ashen and pale and like a ghost 
Some kind of Heathcliff on the coast 
Sailing in a handmade boat 
And I’ve a castle and the moat 
Has crocodiles 
And their lies walk me down the aisle 
As I give way to you 
I don’t know if you wanted to 
Leave me that way 
And I hate to be the break of day 
But she isn’t for you, dear 
Isn’t it getting crystal clear?

The Second Splinter

.Reading time 3 minutes.
The first splinter left me with no wound 
No mark left on my skin 
So I didn’t think twice about letting him in 
I am impervious, I am a saint 
Now I just look at all the paint 
On the canvas floor 
Like it was enough to adore 
Someone from afar 
Just because he left the door ajar
Only to be stung by a barb in my side 
Because the people think I’m alive 
And that I bleed blue 
But I would never bleed over you 
Because you pump me red and true 
And my skin takes on a pinkish hue 
When you have been there 
And I know there’s an outpost somewhere 
They write sonnets to 
What they think is the memory of you 
When you are a living reality 
At least so far as it pertains to me 
And the winter closed in so I wore a scarf 
And on the farm my father lost a calf 
And I couldn’t cry 
For the child that had to die 
So that fate could complete 
The circuit it swore it would defeat 
With it’s electric current 
And it is not enough deterrent 
As I dip my toe in the water
And leave the adjacent fields of daughter 
For something I never knew I could be 
More than a product of history 
Or vehicle for some man to own 
So he could get where he is going 
Fast and in a haphazard fashion 
Without realising he is in danger of crashing 
Into that which he is trying to run from 
But now the river knows me I am gone 
Gone so far from the shore 
And the person they swore to adore 
They crucified 
But they didn’t realise I had died 
When they took me down from the cross 
The thought they only felt the loss 
Because the frame was barren and grey
And they say they don’t mean what they say 
That it’s only words 
Then they load em up and shoot the birds 
That fly round the house 
I call the mouse 
And the glass door slides shut 
And somewhere there is a hut 
That waits for me still 
As solitary as a flower on a window sill 
Forgotten and green 
And everything it’s always been

Sucking Diesel

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The crane operates as though it knows nothing of life below
And I sustain another blow 
As it seeks to get inside 
And ferret out the the place where I hide 
From the monstrosities that glare 
And the way it just isn’t fair 
And I cling to my little hope by the sill 
The one person who gives me the will 
To carry on with the charade 
I close my eyes and listen to The Black Parade 
As it punches down my street 
What part of forever made us meet 
In the halls of prose and derision 
In arms races and nuclear fission 
That could clear the decks 
Is it just another world that the thing wrecks 
As it swings into town 
Swearing it would never tear you down 
And the air pollute 
Why is everyone my age wearing a suit 
And tie 
Will you be buried in it when you die 
And will you rise from the dead 
Just to lie beside me in bed
When I cry my teenage heart out 
Wrung on walls of my own doubt 
And a bird will fall with no self pity 
From the tallest building in the city 
Because she knows her wings will catch her
And I swore he could never match her 
But he did 
And though I hid 
We found our way back to the street 
Where the two opposites meet 
Only to have the building site 
Proclaim that it just isn’t right 
To tear concrete away from bone 
When that foundation makes up a home 
And I just know I can’t leave him alone 
Any longer 
I know you wish I was stronger 
But like the team I bat for 
I only walked out so I could show you the door

The Lessons In The Blessing

.Reading time 1 minute.
We split the dial to far this time
And the cracks delineate the crime
That we both made
As we sat in the shade
Of what we’re meant to be
And they’re dragging out of me 
Telling me who I am
And that I must follow this plan
If I am to be whole
Sacrifice my heart and soul
On the altar of their god
But the one they use the rod
To announce
And I denounce
All of their shattered shards of glass
And me measuring up to who I was in the past
Because I really thought that this would last
And I cannot blame you
So I do not name you
Or what you’re doing with her
In the grass bed of what we were
And I look at my hands
As all the sands
Pour through onto the beach
Is the lesson that you came to teach
That I will be alright on my own
If I hadn’t lost you I wouldn’t have known

The Object Of Desire

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The object of desire 
Set my soul on fire 
With his white hair 
And the way he didn’t care 
He’d just run his fingers through 
Like it doesn’t mean anything to you 
And does he know anything about women at all 
Because I catch him mid freefall 
And I hope he’s still alive because in this world you never know 
And maybe he has a girl on the go 
I don’t know 
All I know is I’d like to see his stars 
One more time through these prison bars 
Because they were sublime 
Were they only for one time 
As we sit and chat 
In a fast food place just like that 
And something guided me to meet you there
I looked at David and I swear 
I heard him utter the words that it’s okay 
If you want to walk away 
And find another me 
Then you walked in and the rest is history 
And you do not replace his face 
But I cannot let this go to waste 
And you may be older and jaded 
You may wear jeans that are faded 
But you’ve got that lost boy look that I find 
So intriguing and you share what’s on your mind 
Like I don’t see what’s true 
And I play dumb when I’m talking to you 
Because if you guessed how sharp I am 
And how I can read you like a palm 
I don’t know if you would be this open 
I know this is a message to the universe but here’s hoping 
That it somehow makes its way to your gate 
Just let me in and forgive the hate

Secrets Spilled Like Tea

.Reading time 4 minutes.
What are the things you want to do 
You can whisper them to me too
And he hesitates 
Coz he has taken loads of girls on dates 
And he knows where the line is drawn 
On wrong word and the chick is gone 
But my curiosity is impressive 
And his desire is confessive 
And longs to be known 
And though I am only half grown 
I have an old soul 
And I would like to roll 
Like a current in your sea 
In a spin with you eternally 
As we make it into union 
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
You make it sound like a bad thing 
And I know I don’t have a ring 
But I don’t need some diamond to prove 
That I’m not something that you’re here to use 
You look down and away 
Your eyelashes flash what you cannot say 
As if to say that’s why you’re really here
But I love the feel of you near 
And if its half and half on either side 
Then could you say that I’m down for the ride 
Or just for a drive in your car 
Will you let me know what you are 
If I reveal my bare knuckle grip 
And are you sure you’re well equipped 
To deal with my ferocious 
And I know I come across precocious 
You call me childish and I balk 
Do you not hear the way I talk 
And I look at the sage for guidance
Is sex a form of violence
In the way it is commonly done 
And if we are all one 
Then why do we have to make two 
Into a broken bargain we must pull through 
And away from 
One minute there and then gone 
I remember meeting someone who’s song I remember still 
He was vowed for all time then gone at will 
And I know it was out of resentment and spite 
But I still think of him in the twilight
And hope he’s happy and well 
But I kind of hope she gives you hell 
For all the choices you took to take you away from me 
And I can’t say that we’re history 
But I don’t see myself monogamously anymore 
So I open the door 
To this tall, dark and beautiful stranger
Who reeks of the perfume of danger 
And it draws me in like a kiss on the lips 
I feel my barrier as it flickers and slips 
When he sits 
Across from me 
So casually 
As if he could throw his arm around my shoulder
And he stands so close and now that I’m older 
I’m just sorry I didn’t give him the green light 
And I wonder if it’s to late to meet him at night
And fight and make up in front of his canvas 
All he’s missing is the sandals 
For he is burned to within an inch of his life 
And he is looking for a good wife 
Though I’m not sure that’s what I am 
I would take your love over my stand 
If I only knew how to stand down 
I just want you around 
But it’s been six years 
And the ancients have cried some tears 
But could we just kick back over the coals we’ve crossed
If you love me still all is not lost

Your Pull

.Reading time 3 minutes.
I can feel your pull 
And it’s as soft as cotton wool 
Aching me in the quietest places 
Are you the man of many faces 
And I turned away 
Because I didn’t want to hear what you had to say 
About the state of the world 
And you just saw me as a girl 
Not as a potential saviour 
And I was the one to raise her 
Up from where she lay 
On the ground that day 
And I want to touch you that way 
So you believe in what I say 
When I say I Am is the redemption 
And Jesus must get a mention 
In this state of affairs 
I know you’re broken from borrowed prayers
But some one somewhere must have been answered 
We hear the music and we are the dancers
In a restaurant 
I can give you what you want 
As I hand you the book 
And I see the look 
You look at it as you hold in your hand 
The weight of someone who understands 
And your magnificence cannot be denied 
And somewhere behind that brave facade I know you’ve cried 
And I just wanna touch 
And tell you I love you so much 
Because you are as pure as the driven snow 
Though you would not say so 
Or agree with me on that part 
But you talk about your bottomless heart 
And how it runs deep 
I think of you instead of sleep 
And wonder how you are 
And if that star 
That burns over your head 
Would like to take me to bed 
One more time 
I grew up to believe it was a crime 
And that desire was a sin 
But it is freedom to be forbidden with him 
As he runs his hands through his hair 
And I suddenly care 
More than I wanted to let on that I do 
Do you know the beautiful that you 
Are in every moment new 
I just wanted to let you know that I wanted to too 
From the moment you said you made art 
Because I know the sincerity it takes to impart 
That kind of thing into creation 
And it may be scary but it’s also elation 
To kiss and tell and then to paint 
My life began when I faint 
Onto the floor 
And God rouses me and says, mo stór 
I have something for you to do 
And one of those things is love you

Future Monuments To What We Are

.Reading time 5 minutes.
There are arching toes
And people who say that anything goes
And if my poetry is deflagrate 
Could someone tell me how another state 
Is possible 
The path does not seem crossable 
As it winds and turns 
And people’s edicts burn 
Am I bound to their vision of me 
The life, the wife and the fucking money 
And I can’t claim innocence complete
Because I used the heat
To get myself out of their grasp 
And my body bears the scars of the clasp 
I locked myself into 
A season of the glinting blue 
And I look at him through the screen 
From the place I was and I want to scream 
Because he’s still with her 
And they’re standing by the water 
Looking out into the sea 
And I just wish that ocean was me 
That he stares at and sighs 
But he just grimaces and replies 
That all is not as it’s supposed to be
And he could never make the coast out of me 
Not in the place where I was
And I’m in the bay because
They decided I was crazy
And everything’s a little hazy 
And clinicised 
As they fill you with the lies 
That you’re “unwell”
I ignore them and they can go to hell 
With all their clipboard notes
They’re not people that I’d ever quote 
In a future version of myself 
Talking down my mental health 
As I sit so zen 
Listening to Adyashanti again 
In that room at the end of the corridor 
Til Leanne knocks on the door 
With a junior doctor in tow 
And they tell me what they think they know 
About how I am 
I say, I don’t think you understand 
But they think they do 
So I let them be what they want to 
Someone playing nurse to an unwilling actress
Someone making me laugh when I’m lying on the mattress 
Because it’s so fucking funny, it’s hilarious 
And there’s nothing I want to discuss
As I say “To Kill A Mockingbird” is my favourite book 
And Laura (the doctor) meets me with a knowing look
As if that explains it all 
Why I am standing in the hall 
Looking for someone I can call
To get me the fuck outta here 
But your presence means something, dear 
So I concede to stay 
But the rebel in me still gets in their way 
When they want to make a diagnosis 
Because I am ferocious 
And not a willing “service user” 
I am a peruser 
Of the book of life 
And I will never be your knife 
To cut into the cake 
So you can call me a real fake 
In the parlour of the sky 
I never wanted to die 
I just agreed that if it was my fate
I would let God write upon that blank slate 
And take me to where he’d want me to be 
Now I’m looking at Motaz’s story 
About what’s happening in Gaza 
As if that could stop the burning of Mufasa 
As he lies in the garden 
And falls from the place where Elizabeth Arden 
Had held him so high 
Lord, let my life be for something in the grand lie 
That everyone is told 
Maya will be brave, Maya will be bold 
And as I watch it all unfold 
I’m powerless to stop 
The rotary turn of everything that I’m not 
Neti, neti in disguise 
I watch the child as her spirit flies 
Into the grand expanse 
A place where she is free to dance
With out the sound of drones 
And a world that left her all alone 
Except for the brave souls that went to her door 
Gunned down again, mo stór
There are many forms of occupation 
And I’ve learned to let go of my education 
As it sought to encroach on me 
And mould me into a version of who I should be 
So I could be compliant, as the lady says 
But I’m self reliant so I’m shady instead
And resigned as I lie in my bed 
Is this how Ireland felt when the heroes fled?

Seeing Man As An Escape

.Reading time 3 minutes.
Seeing man as an escape 
I watch the dream take shape 
At seventeen 
Do you think that a moonbeam 
Could come down and reach my toes 
And take me somewhere nobody knows 
Somewhere beyond their power to contain 
As they try to keep the rain 
In buckets and in the sea 
They don’t realise the grand eternity 
In the rising and pull 
And the angry say that Ireland is full 
I cannot agree 
Though all I want is a man down on one knee
Who means something to me 
Who will give me all that he says 
And not children to raise 
For though I’m fertile as the fields 
There is a part of me that simply yields 
To the wind that blows 
And being tired and old is not part of that, God knows
And I’ve watched the fraternity age 
I don’t want to write that story on my page
You know the blank canvas where I sit with a pen 
And try to denote the purity again 
And when you’re young they warn you off boys
When you’re older they treat you like you’re their toys 
Just to perforate 
(Though not until the second date)
And get married like the man on the stage 
Says and I step outside the rage 
I can feel build inside 
When I realise that men hide 
Just so they can get what they want
And she sang a song about the haunt
That rises when he leaves you alone 
And he sang about a face to call home 
I wonder will they ever get it together 
And make something even better 
From the shared genius of their eyes 
I don’t think it all was lies
On either side 
I think it was just miscommunication 
Jumping to conclusions and the indentation 
In the shape of you 
That made a God shaped hole in his incendiary blue
And her fiery red
Or the golden she claimed it was instead
And I’m just making maps out of the points I’ve drawn 
Points of reference as it finally dawn 
That that boy is not gone 
But somewhere waiting in the wings
Sullen soul with a heart that sings
Its own melody 
I just wished he could’ve played it for me 
I live for a guitar croon 
Not Barbie bored in the room

Walking To The Water

.Reading time 3 minutes.
I ran away to escape your house 
The one that makes me quiet as a mouse 
To suffer your storm 
And what is warm 
Is cold as hell
As all these people wish you well 
Then trap you in a turn of phrase 
The demon it took an eon to raise 
And who am I supposed to praise 
For being punished for what my heart says 
For I love him so
And a thousand miles cannot let him go 
I found the bend in the fork
When I was lying in New York 
Under a darkened zoom 
It was quiet in the room 
And I called out “David” and whispered to him 
Roused him from the sleep he was in 
Til he turned and looked into my eyes
And sees that which never dies 
I know you’ve been though the sea 
Just to find your way to me 
I know you’ve been through the forest
Just to find a girl to keep you honest 
And she looks fine
But does she realise that you are mine 
And have always been 
From the first moment you were seen 
To the last 
We’ve lived many lives in the past 
And we’ve been together 
Somehow amidst the weather 
That just seems to rain 
And we inflict pain 
On our soul 
Because we can’t find the part that would make us whole 
In another’s gaze 
“Don’t worry, child, it’s just a phase
You’ll grow out of it”
But I doubted it 
Like I doubted the law that reminds
You must find a body to bind 
So that you can make two 
And make another out of you 
But it’s just not for me 
I remember the day he said to me 
About a friend of mine 
You’ll have babies running around in time 
And it twisted my insides like a knife in a knot 
It hurt a lot 
Because that’s not something I would ever want to do 
At least not with anyone but you 
And maybe not even then 
All I know is I end my prayer with amen
When I pray for you 
I hope you find the water the Lord leads you to

Some Things I Would Rather Die Than Do

.Reading time 1 minute.
There are some things I would rather die than do 
And one of them is being anything like you 
To live under the weight of your expectation 
To be anything like the past generation 
To have a home and to bear child 
Just leave me alone, leave me wild 
Forget to induct me into the plan 
For I will remain what I am 
And will rebel if I have to 
There something more sacrosanct than you 
In my world 
You call me a girl
But I have become 
So much more than what I was when I was young 
And forced to comply 
I tell you the truth as I meet your eye
And refuse 
To be something that you can use 
To further identity 
The fuel to rule an indentured fee

I Don’t Know What To Make Of It

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I don’t know what to make of it 
So I just watch as I sit 
The canvas play across his eyes 
It’s just the sky in disguise 
And I wonder what he might see in me 
That makes him so inclined to be 
Inadequately disposed 
To my less travelled roads 
And I’m half the woman I used to be 
And I hate that word and I want to set it free
But it’s clear I am girl no more 
It’s like I’ve been cracked from the roof to the floor 
Like the kernel of an egg 
It’s in the words that she said 
When she sought to deny 
The part of me she cannot buy 
With her recompense 
And there were years living in tents 
Getting by on the music we own 
Just green and half grown 
And if I could have known 
What was in front of me then 
I’m not sure I would want to live it again 
As I run to the nearest fount
But the water did not amount
To what I thought it would 
It only ever seemed to draw blood 
In the place that I was weak 
And before I get to speak 
They have a label slapped on my head 
Says reconciled to be dead 
And I just feel like Jesus on the cross
Crying out that all is lost
To a Father that does not answer 
He just takes his last breath and the dancer
In me can’t move the way she used to 
Because something weighs on me and you 
And it is not my fault 
But I must say I loved the vault 
It was just the narcotics that did not suit me down to the ground 
I think I would have rather drowned 
Than go through the hell they rained 
All so that I could be mediocre again 
But I was born to be the best 
So I’ll take up my burden and fuck the rest

The Melody Comes In To Catch Me

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Listening to the little boy in blue 
Sing his heart out to me too 
And it’s like the feathers just fall from the sky 
And in everyone who lives I see the one who’ll die 
Someday, somewhere in the ether 
And you don’t need to look at me either 
Because I will share the same fate 
Watch the immortal walk out the gate 
Into the sunset sea 
The oblivion going down on me 
In a rush of darkened fuse 
You can read that any way you choose 
I’m not here to police the state 
Or say which words should equate 
To which affairs of the mind 
There were years I lived like I was blind 
Because I could not bear the truth 
And it was the years of my youth
You can’t live them backward, you’re forward facing 
And there are streets she is defacing 
With her rudimentary smile 
The one that would walk a mile 
In your shoes 
The one that believes in the power to choose 
But I gave my will away 
To something I cannot say 
Anymore 
And every door 
That ever opened closed in on me 
Now I let go so that he can be free 
And I see the truth bubble in his eyes 
And it’s like there is no disguise 
He hides from me 
It’s like it’s eternity 
He’s pointing to and from 
But the one who would listen is gone

The Creeping Seize

.Reading time 1 minute.
The creeping seize
Would have you believe
Everything they believe 
Just so you could be on their sleeve 
Reprimanded with a slap 
Because it’s wrong I don’t have a map 
And I know I should be grateful to them 
And hope that they would do it again 
If I was in such a bind 
And act like I do not mind 
They tied me to a tree and whipped my back 
And told me that my love is lack 
And I wonder if this is what Jesus felt, betrayed 
Lost in the silence and dismayed
Well, at least he had God 
I had peacekeepers with a rod 
Intent on killing the good in me 
With their idea of how it should be 
And it’s all matrimony 
And houses and babies 
I’m looking at the dogs and they’ve got rabies 
And there is mould on the ceiling 
There is death and there is reeling 
And there is a silent bargain you can’t break 
Or some kind of demon wake 
And eats what remains of me 
As I scream infinity 
Into its smokey breath 
But it only seems to whet 
It’s appetite 
And it would love to have me tonight 
In any sort of way 
I can see what you do not say 
And it’s not welcome here 
So just leave me be, my dear

It’s Okay, I Got It

.Reading time 1 minute.
I sit with my willowy breath 
And they give me everything I cannot forget 
And it may be a rebirth by fire 
But I asked for it so I cannot tire 
Of the flame now 
And say it’s all in vain now 
And I’ve changed in size and in shape 
And that’s a reality I cannot escape 
As they fight to tell me it is fine 
When they’re the ones that made me do hard time 
And threatened me with an eclipse 
Any time the truth passed from my lips 
And my days are all but done 
I don’t know what I can say to anyone 
Anymore 
Because, mo stór 
You sacrificed me to the gods that bay 
Or the ones that believe in them anyway 
And I cannot take this one on the chin 
Or say it’s just because she’s with him 
Because you know that that is just not it 
You didn’t have to be such a dick 
About the whole thing 
And this bird can still sing 
Inspite of the the hail you rained 
Don’t tell me your version of events, you already explained

The Crack In The Armour

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The boy is a mystery to me 
And we have a history but it is free 
To be exactly what it is 
And I keep looking at the person he calls his 
And wonder if that’s really true 
Because I always felt I was the only one for you
And that has not changed with time 
Only given me a reason to rhyme 
And it is not to fight with her or deny 
Any be in which you lie
Might mean the sky to you 
But I would die with you 
Just so that you could live 
Find the space where you can forgive 
Yourself for the darkness inside 
My love, you don’t need to hide 
It away under a bush 
All you need is to open and trust 
The light that you are 
You are more than the brightest star 
The supernova celestial flare 
And the realisation that we are there 
Every moment in the now 
Just tell me what you need somehow 
And I will give it to you 
If it is in my power to 
You can lie your head on my shoulder 
Drop that weight, drop that boulder 
You’ve been rolling for a thousand thousand years 
I see each one reflected in your tears 
As they pool beneath your feet 
You’re in Maynooth, I’m lying on the beach 
And trying not to teach 
You a lesson 
That even death is a blessing 
I’ve come to kiss
And it’s not as if I don’t miss 
Those who have passed on 
It’s just they’re not really gone 
I feel them come back to me now and then 
And it’s not like they’re alive again 
But it is like they never left 
And I am not bereft 
Like I was so long ago 
Til God kiss the place that hurt me more 
Than any mortal wound could have done 
And from the place I broke, there shone the sun

Who Do You Think You Are?

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Who do you think you are? 
Some kind of distant burning star 
And I am always throwing the truth at people 
As if I was born underneath a steeple 
And in my magnificence 
I ask the boy I love to dance 
With me and he accepts 
And I wonder and I one of his regrets 
Now that he has found someone to share 
His body with and someone runs their hands through his hair 
Something I never got to do 
And would I ever admit it to you 
If we were face to face on a screen 
I see it like this in a dream 
And everyone says you have to grow up and get married
But I don’t want to buried 
Alive in this skin 
I just want to die with him 
In some kind of immortal flame 
That knows neither shape nor name 
And he denies me like a man on the cross
And I turn away like it’s his loss 
When really it’s my own 
The absence of someone I’ve never known 
And I picture him with all his bros 
In the throes 
Of raucous laughter that masks the pain 
That is as familiar as the rain 
That you live under 
And I don’t have your number 
Anymore 
I let my phone go out of operation, mo stór
And there’s no way you can reach me now 
I erected barricades that don’t allow 
You to dip into my sphere 
Because I know that if you were near 
My will would crumble
And my self respect take a tumble 
As I give you leave to wreck the joint 
Because you just miss the point 
Of the whole affair 
There was a moment I was there 
And in it we were infinite 
I keep touching it again each night 
In the hope it might ignite 
And burn into holy flame
But it seems you only know my name 
And not the immortal beneath 
I wonder if that’s why you were kissing my feet

You And I And Eternity

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The feel of his warm body beneath me 
The perfume of the air that seems to heat me 
Every time his eyes flick to mine 
I see this play out a thousand times
And it’s just a little soon 
To stand in this room 
With you by the fore 
Profession that you love me more 
Than you did before 
And I see him and somehow you 
Pour though 
And I’m feeling the fire rage 
So I get my typewriter and rip out the page 
Trying to get a perfect draft 
And he kind of nervous laughed 
But it was sweet and profound 
And you can’t deny that that circle is round 
Some kind of equation I barely understood 
When I was walking in the wood
And must I always seek to be too verbose 
As I stand by the coast 
I chose to roam 
Called the breeze my home 
Because it carries you on it 
And it’s been so long it 
Almost seems like it’s not true
Til I get another shot of you 
Somewhere on the grapevine 
And you don’t have to worry if I am fine 
Or if I’m radiating satisfaction 
I have a welcome distraction 
In the form the sweetest mind 
And I must let him know I will not leave him behind 
Not in all the myriad of form 
Something within is always warm 
And never fades 
Though we age 
And forty looms by the sea 
But it is not just me 
Into the epic of that blue 
I open the door for you 
Into the midst of a perfect surrender 
Smelling salts if you don’t remember 
What we have come here to be 
There’s you and I and eternity

The Branch Of Love

.Reading time 1 minute.
There is a space beyond words 
And in it I am away with the birds 
Flying free
And there is a man down on one knee
Eternally 
As he promises 
A love that will last forever
And it would do me good to remember
That everything that can be experienced is in consciousness 
And not just in a state of undress
And I'm scared to bank the cash 
Coz I know once I do there's no turning back 
Because I swore once and for all time 
Now I find reason to the rhyme 
That seeks to procure your name
And to my immortal shame
I let you slip through my fingers
Now I just hear you in guitar players and singers 
Who hum your tune through radio waves
Or songs that I spotify save 
And I cave 
In my will to hold out on the world 
Because I once was just a girl 
Now it seems I am a woman and queen of 
The Branch Of Love

The Collapse Of Duality

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
In the collapse of duality a new life is born 
And you've got a new wife and I'm forlorn 
Because you're making it with her 
And stamping on what you thought we were 
But I stood staunch and surrender 
Stonily waiting for you to remember 
But you never do 
Though there is no giving up on you 
Not now and not ever 
So I just hope for better weather 
Than the snowstorm left in your wake 
And it was the best thing I forsake 
Just to find the bleeding light
You don't care and it's alright

Like A Slow Burning Gollum

.Reading time 2 minutes.
It scratches and tries to claw its way in 
And there are remnants of him 
In the way it throws its weight around 
And I just avoid the sound 
When I hear it coming 
Am I just succumbing 
To its weighty perforate 
As if a boy could take me on a date 
Just to wed and impregnate 
So we can say that life is great 
While we secretly die inside 
But nothing’s good unless there’s something to hide 
And I know it’s storm and I know it’s sea 
But I’d rather the ocean than less of me 
As it churns the butter of my soul
Crashes against cliffs as the waves roll 
And you may seek to make me carbonated 
A copy of something that is fated 
But somehow I see a scene 
That exists beyond the dream 
And I take the first train outta there 
And I don’t care if you dare 
To try to pull me back 
In the midst of all you lack 
You try to remake another ring 
But it’s not the real fucking thing
And it is burnt in Mordor doom 
So I just get up and leave the room 
And just like that it closes behind me 
As I go some place that hell cannot find me 
And leave a thread of pealing light 
To let others know that it is alright 
To follow the trail 
Of a love that does not fail

The Long Blonde

.Reading time 1 minute.
There is a long blonde in my life 
And someday she’s going to be my wife 
I see this as through a prism reflected 
And the woman I have selected 
To be my opposite other 
To hold my child as their mother 
And I know I’m just a man 
And I’m not sure if I can 
Hold the frame of light so the sun lands 
Upon her golden locks as we hold hands 
And she’s precious and insecure and pure 
And if I could intercede I would for sure 
Because I just want to own what she is 
But I look up and she is his 
As he walks in his grey old battered world 
Thinking that she is his girl 
And I see her stare across the room 
When we communicate on zoom 
Before it was real 
A kind of portal and the ideal 
Is cut like a pane of glass
Or a diamond in all the right places
Would you accept this ring if its faces 
Could turn unto the light 
Could we talk instead of fight?

Not sure how this poem will land – just something new that I’m trying!

Diagrams

.Reading time 1 minute.
Do I make it real 
The diagram I long to heal 
And it’s like no one is listening 
But when the shards of glass are glistening 
It’s like forever in the forest 
And if you want to keep me honest 
You shouldn’t betray the lie
That we both chose to die 
In our open surrender 
Do you not remember 
The expanse of grass where we just lay down 
You’re staring into space and I want to drown 
In this ocean that has just opened up 
I think this is what the people call love 
But I wouldn’t know 
So I stare until your eyes let me go 
Into my own reverie 
I didn’t know there was a way to be 
With someone and free 
Do you know what you did to me 
By being everything you are 
You reminded me that every star 
Was once born from a colossal explosion 
And I’m feeling all this emotion 
As I sit by your side 
And I know I’ve said it before but alive 
Never felt so real 
Do you think I could feel 
This for the rest of forever 
And if the answer’s yes then can I steal your sweater 
To throw over my form 
Because the heat of you keeps me warm

Water As Tears

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I can’t abide the water as it flows through tears 
And I can see that it has been cried for years 
And I’ve been writing this story 
Since before you think you know me
And somehow I can trace the line 
Back through webs that I design 
To hold the weight of information 
And all the ways I get above my station 
And into the cloud 
And is it a vice to be proud 
Because it’s always been my fatal flaw 
And in the midst of this thaw 
I can see broken pieces of ice 
That shatter like glass across my life 
And it makes a masterpiece of colour and hue 
When the light reflects off those parts of you 
That you don’t let anyone see 
And I know it’s not just me 
That is grappling with the cliff
And a massive what if
Of what could have been 
Does everyone have a dream 
And if it does not fulfil
Do you lose your will 
To survive 
All I know things are better alive
Coz I’ve tried dead as hell and a blank slate 
Is something I’ve come to hate
As it steals all my flair 
But there’s no point lying, I want to be there 
As I lie in bed and wish it away 
All the things I cannot say
And it comes to my door and then it leaves 
And there’s something better than what the mass believes 
Because there is a knowing you can touch 
And I love it so fucking much

The Bullet Journal

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I see the grey mist descend 
And then I know she won’t be my friend 
For all she sees is what she carves 
And she doesn’t do illusion by halves 
And I try to set it right 
But she turns back on it like it’s a fight
And she must prove her point 
Hits me so that she can anoint 
Me with her favour 
And if I found the saviour 
It was freedom from all of this 
It felt more like true love’s first kiss 
And the shelter it gave was born 
From the place the sky was torn 
It was rendered from the veil 
And everytime without fail
When I look up I see that patch 
The barely sewn that becomes a latch 
On which I can get out the gate 
And reside in the place that made me wait
For the moment to be just so 
Because you can’t align until you do, you know 
And I don’t want to fire arrows at those I love 
But sometimes the truth is not above 
But right where you are 
And finding it never got me far 
From the deep 
That follows me to sleep 
Like a favourite bedfellow 
And I couldn’t be more mellow 
If I tried 
So I just fake it til I’m fried 
Out and singed at all the edges 
Someone somewhere is cutting hedges 
And I can’t see over them any more 
But I live in a subterfuge I adore 
Because I know your wedding bells 
Ring like the sound of the seven hells 
That encircled me that night 
And you cannot put right 
What you didn’t do wrong 
Let me go and sing your song

Snap And Snarl

.Reading time 1 minute.
They’re supposed to be what you think they are 
Not mangled beauties in the star 
John Mayer holds over his head 
Like the way he sang about his bed 
And what he found there 
And it’s not that I don’t care 
It’s just that I feel it’s some kind of theft 
And I would be left bereft 
If I stepped out on that branch 
Like a woody bridge over the ranch 
That holds all the cattle 
And if love must be a battle 
Then I would want to fight with you 
All the days God gives me to 
And I snarl at you down the phone
And you leave me all alone 
To face the sparse within 
And I know you’ve taken up with him 
I can see it in your eyes 
It’s as though something dies 
Everytime you look away 
And I know you couldn’t stay 
But could you give me a reason why 
You left me there to die

The Gun She Holds

.Reading time 1 minute.
The gun she holds to my temple 
As I go semi mental 
All over the floor 
And rage against a closed door 
Because I know how it feels 
And we’re just watching film reels 
Trying to find the cacophony 
And I’m tired of writing what they “did” to me 
Because half of it was my own fault 
And sometimes the best things are locked inside a vault 
Like some kind of treasure trove
They let me out of St. Pat’s to put turf in the stove 
To heat up the furnace 
Because the world is cold but too much and you will burn it 
It’s gotta be just so 
A balance only a few people know 
Like some kind of giant Tao 
The weight of worlds that I allow 
And they grabbed my arms and walked me to the bed 
When I could sense the demons in the men’s shed
I knew something was wrong 
And someday soon I would have to belong
Somewhere serene 
And if this is a dream 
Then why are we crying 
Is it because people are dying 
And we think it’s real 
Time and God have things to steal 
Away from you and I 
So I let everyone hear my cry 
And I do not edit and I do not filter 
It was the trauma that built her

The Undersung

.Reading time 2 minutes.
There is a heaven that is undersung
And when you’re starting you’re always on the bottom rung 
Looking up into the sky
And people act like they’re never going to die 
Spending cash and polluting 
Never really knowing who they’re shooting 
When they fire the gun
And if we are all one 
Then why does the mist fall on the hardest head
To wake us when we’re lying in bed
And they had me tied up in chains 
Straitjacket arms for my pains 
And tear stains 
And I wonder is it taboo to write 
About days when the going was shite 
As I sat in the horrors in the bay 
In Dean Swift hoping something would take me away
And a foreign shore might beckon 
But only something which which I had to reckon 
As I seek to avoid 
Sit in the “activity room” with the boys
And I brought in my guitar 
Because I wanted them to know what you are 
But no one seems to realise 
Their life is flashing before their eyes
And I say nothing is real 
So they hand me something to quench what I feel 
And I can’t cut that deal 
But with repetition they wear me down 
And the doctors don’t wear a gown 
Or shirts and ties 
Jackets to go with the goodbyes 
Only the young ones are in scrubs 
The pretty ones and I fell in love 
Silently then in the noise 
The summer I lost one of the boys

A Gentle Reminder

.Reading time 2 minutes.
It's a gentle reminder that all humans bleed red
And all of us sleep when we're in bed
Even if that bed be a floor 
In some prison that I abhor 
And the colour of our skin 
Do we let it in 
And seep into the crevices of our minds 
That would rather not leave anything behind
And do your guns fire on the criminal 
Because you've absorbed the subliminal 
Read between the lines 
And is it just a sign of the times
To say that movements must rebel 
Or we are all going to hell 
In the handbasket we have woven
Is this the path that we have chosen 
And you stand there and you utter that line 
Do you mean it this time 
I sense the falter in your step 
Does this even cross your greatest regret 
For you have build something huge 
But you get by on being rude 
To the people who come close to the line
That only you can define
And the bubbling wrath has simmered down 
But they're still burning someone else's town 
Because they're not adequately human 
As they defend what they're doing 
In principled tones 
Do you think we should leave them alone? 
To finish what they've started in the melee
I know what I'd do if it was me 
I would put beyond all use and commission 
The weapons they use without permission 
And rip to shreds another life on the ground
When a child cries do you hear the sound?