Tag: vulnerability

The Antecedent

.Reading time 1 minute.
The antecedent knows its own role 
And I lie in the expanse of my own soul 
As the bombs go off 
Or another person coughs 
As, I, awake in my bed 
Wonder what they would have said 
If they’d have known 
What was going down 
And I may visit the bay again 
Just don’t say when 
Because it is a futile ploy
When I see my stars in a boy 
As he shines from afar
He is my favourite star 
In the darkness of outer space
I wonder if all these years have gone to waste
Since I told him I love him 
And I would never hold myself above him 
But I feel like I was reduced 
For the receipts I couldn’t produce
So I decided to write and write 
Even if it is sometimes shite 
Trying to get it on lock 
I don’t want to be something that I’m not 
But when I take a pill 
I swear I never will 
Be all I claim I am 
It’s like Kilglass winning Sam
Impossible but still a dream 
Like me and the queen 
Inside my riverbed heart 
Blue and red from the start
Do I use the pain to make art
And the futility to show that the taking part
Is the best part of the win 
I just hope I get to be with him 
Somehow, someday
Anyway
Thanks for listening
Oh, look my teardrop’s glistening

Even Deirdre

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If I’ve got to forgive the world
It’s gotta include you
I don’t think you know
What you did, do you
Coz you sent a dart 
Right through my heart
Until God made my pain
Into some kind of art
And I’ve been holding a grudge
Since 2005
And it’s a wonder
I’m still alive
With all the splicing
My soul seems to do
And it seems the splinter 
Began with you
As you took an axe
To my great tree
Thinking you could fell
The very best of me
And I came crashing
To the forest floor 
Til I realized pine needles
Were something I could adore
Coz they’re born of my symmetry 
And they contain
All of the teardrops 
I drank in as rain
That nourished the flow
That pumped my veins 
With blood that heats
A thousand refrains
And colours them
The deepest hue
I’m red as a sunset sky
And I let it through
Like a shepherd’s delight
To signal the morning 
Will be alright
And the storming
Will give way 
To a fragrant calm
I close my eyes
And trust the alarm

A Bite Into The Blue

.Reading time 1 minute.
Taking a bite into the blue
And it comes up the colour of you
As I dive into the ocean
And it’s all rhythmic motion
In the life I cannot live
Is it time to forgive
The darkness of my past
Who knew that this would last
So very long
Correct me if I’m wrong
But you loved that I love that song
As you curl up by my side
Say that I make you feel alive
And now it’s all gone away
What was it you didn’t say
Coz I’m dying to know
And I won’t leave it be so
Just tell me what you need to admit
I looked at you and I sit
Beside you surreptitiously 
Vulnerably confess to me
Like a secret you can’t bear to keep
I’ll visit you in the safety of sleep

Is This Goodbye

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Is this goodbye
Now I’m letting go
Of the pain that had me
Wedded to you, you know
And every tale
I keep in a locket 
Is a symbol of 
How they forgot it
Coz the season changes
And time renews
And what’s bad in the morning
Becomes old news
I click my heels together
When I hear your name
It’s been an ocean
And I won’t be the same
But loving you slightly 
Will always be
Taking a dram
Of straight destiny

Atticus Finch

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Giving myself permission to open up
I’ve got to be vulnerable if I wanna love
And I’m risking the pain coz damn sure it’s there
But I’ve gotta trust if I wanna care
And the wind blows no matter which way I turn
A fire sign has just gotta burn
Til the ashes turn phoenix new 
Til I see myself reflected in you 
And I know I’ve got problems, I know I’ve got vices
But I am the queen of no compromises
As I utter the truth as it sits on my breath
I say to the sky; don’t let me forget
Coz I wanna grow up, I don’t wanna away
But there’s room in this house for peace to stay
And open the cages that rattle their bars
Twenty odd years and I’m still chasing cars
Down every avenue
Still trying to prove something to you
All now that are watching my every move
But who would you be if you walked in my shoes
Like Atticus Finch and fine thread
Do up your laces and keep up your head
As everything born to beat you down
Slowly vacates your side of town
To leave you free as a bird in the air
I just want you to know that I am there
For you in every melee
Whether or not you’re talking to me
In the sunshine, the storm, the rain or the snow
There is no place a shepherd won’t go
To retrieve that lost sheep he owns 
Give up the struggle and just come home

Ended Up In Hillstreet Again

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I’ve somehow ended up in Hillstreet again
Searching for you amongst the men
It’s like following the paths of the birds
I’m looking for directions but they’re all words
And I’m driving down roads I don’t understand 
They meander through ways I didn’t have planned
And it’s ancient and advanced and something so serene
Do you think the tapestry is just a dream
As we paint with the colour we find
And all our problems we leave behind
And it’s nothing new to say that you
Starred in a role you didn’t want to
But could it have been for anyone else
I know that you say I’m wasting my wealth
Singing up to windows like yours
But your love opens doors
Into a new refrain
One without the well of pain
And I sigh
This isn’t goodbye
Just a see you soon
What would we do if we had a room
To get locked into
You know I didn’t choose any but you
As the blinds filter light
But I’m following something that’s more than worth the fight
In Autumn air
And the sound of you just being there
And I’m in my car
Wondering where on earth you are
And if you ever think
Of that night you bought me a drink
Then laughed at the good
Of our bobbing for apples the way that we would
Have done if no one was there
And I’m watching you watching me stare
In the hallway or din
Is there any replica of him
Or am I forever bound
To go deaf to the sound
Of the calling of Christ
As He asserts Himself in my life
As a myriad of form
I touched your skin and it was warm
Against mine
I love you always for all of time